Spitting Image
Satirical television puppet show
Spitting Image (1984–1996) is a satirical comedy show using latex puppets of politicians, celebrities, sports stars and the Royal Family to portray events of the previous week.
Characters
edit- [Margaret Thatcher is treating her Cabinet to a meal at a restaurant.]
- Waitress: Would you like to order, sir?
- Thatcher: Yes. I will have the steak.
- Waitress: How would you like it?
- Thatcher: Oh, raw, please.
- Waitress: And what about the Vegetables?
- Thatcher: Oh, they'll [The Cabinet] have the same as me!
- Thatcher: Geoffrey, you're a complete imbecile. We can't have a quick war just to win votes! [Beat] Though, now that you mention it, look into it, will you?
- Cecil Parkinson: Do we have any other business?
- Thatcher: I bloody well hope not; we've sold it all off!
- Thatcher: We have to get rid of Enoch. There is no room for racists in the Conservative Party - we're choc-a-bloc as it is!
- Reagan: [Having just passionately kissed Margaret Thatcher] Well, so long hunny-bun. What a fine-lookin' woman. Pity I'm only screwing her country!
- Reagan: [In the White House bedroom, going back to sleep after being awake for 2 minutes] This is a great country, I wonder who runs it?
Dialogue
edit- Thatcher: Oh dear. We're never going to win the next election now! We need some way of winning votes!
- Geoffrey Howe: I suggest a quick war in early '87. That should get some votes.
- Thatcher: Geoffrey, you're a complete imbecile. We can't have a quick war just to win votes! [Beat] Though, now that you mention it, look into it, will you?
- Leon Brittan: In the meantime, sir, how about the anniversary of a war?
- Nigel Lawson: Yes! How about the twenty-fifth anniversary...
- Douglas Hurd: Or Silver Jubilee.
- Lawson:...or Silver Jubilee, of 1962!
- Thatcher: But there wasn't a war in 1962, you doughball! [To man with his hand up] And you are...?
- Kenneth Williams: Williams, Prime Minister, from the department of Kenneths. They sent me to replace Kenneth Clarke.
- Thatcher: And what's your idea?
- Williams: Gentlemen, it's obvious! The fiftieth anniversary of [speeds up] Hitler first thinking about invading Poland, thus leading to the start of World War II! [slows down again] Today.
- Thatcher: You're fired! Get out of my sight!
- Williams: Oh, Bitch! [Leaves]
- Michael Heseltine: This is an outrage! I'm leaving again! [Also leaves]
- Thatcher: Right, I have it: The Sixtieth Anniversary of roughly halfway between both World Wars which we both won today. So Vote Conservative.
- Cabinet: Oh, brilliant! Marvelous! etc.
- David Steel: David?
- David Owen: [Putting on lipstick] Yes, David?
- Steel: Um, people are becoming worried.
- Owen: [Donning a wig] About what?
- Steel: Worried that your becoming, um, a closet Conservative.
- Owen: A closet Conservative? [Now with Thatcher's voice] That's ridiculous.
- Steel: Yes, that's what I thought. So you're still committed to the Alliance?
- Owen: [Still with Thatcher's voice] I care passionately about the Alliance, David. I certainly don't intend to do a U-turn on that one.
- Steel: Oh. Great. Um, glad we had this chat. [Leaves]
- Owen: You wet wimp!
- Brittan: Oh, good evening, Prime Minister. You look lovely today!
- Unnamed characters: [chanting] Immigrants out! Immigrants out!
- Bill Clinton: Immigrants out? So you want me to send all white Americans back to Europe on the w:Mayflower?
- [beat]
- Unnamed characters: Yeah! [chanting] Send us back! Send us back!
- Clinton: [face in palm] Who are these people...?
- [A parody of BSkyB's early '90s Stalin commercial, set to the the footage of archive Nuremberg rally footage]
- Adolf Hitler: [voiced with Yorkshire accent] 'Ey up, missis! I'm another one of those tasteful adverts for satellite dishes! 'Oo wants a free subscription, then?
- Nazi officer: I do!
- Crowd: [chanting] Me too! Me too! Me too! Me too!
- SA: I'll 'ave one!
- Nazi officer: Save one for me, Adolf!
- Hitler: You bunch of Panzers!
- [cut to band footage as a drum ensemble sounds out Hitler's joke]
- Hitler: So get Sky! It'll be Reich up your street! Ooh, they've got that Pol Pot on next week! He'll sell a few more!
External links
edit
- Spitting Image quotes at the Internet Movie Database