Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

2009 film directed by Shawn Levy

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian is a 2009 film about when former night guard Larry Daley who infiltrates the Smithsonian Institute in order to retrieve Ahkmunrah's tablet, which has been shipped to the museum by mistake.

Directed by Shawn Levy. Written by Robert Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon.
When the lights go off the battle is on.

Kahmunrah

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  • [to Oscar] You don't seem to be evil, you seem to be more of a grouch. [Darth Vader holds his hand up with a pinching motion] What is that? What is that? What does it mean? I don't know... you've lost me. Is that your breathing? Because I can't hear myself think. [pause] Let me tell you kindly, just simplify. There's too much going on! You're not evil, you're asthmatic, and what's with the cape? Are we going to the opera? I don't think so. Goodbye! [Darth Vader and Oscar the Grouch leave]

Teddy Roosevelt

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  • Some are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them.

General George Armstrong Custer

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  • We're Americans, we don't plan, we do!

Dialogue

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Ahkmenrah: [gesturing to his Tablet] My parents gave me this tablet some 3,000 years ago. Entrusting me with one of my people's most prized possessions.
Girl 1: Does it do anything?
Ahkmenrah: Do anything?
Girl 2: Yeah, what's the point if it doesn't do anything?
Ahkmenrah: Actually, it has a magical power to bring all of the exhibits to life!
Girl 2: No, really, what's it do?
Ahkmenrah: [stares at them] Nothing, it's just for decoration...
Girl 1: I knew it.
Girl 2: Mmm-hmm.

Larry Daley: I'm sorry. Last time I checked, I thought we lived in a free country. So...
Brundon: No, we don't.
Larry Daley: No?
Brundon: It's the United States of "Don't Touch That Thing Right in Front of You."

Kahmunrah: I am Kahmunrah, the great king of the great kings, and from the darkest depths of ancient history. I have come BACK to life!
Larry Daley: [Awkwardly] Uh-huh.
Kahmunrah: Perhaps you did not hear what I just said. I am a centuries-old Egyptian Pharaoh. I was dead, but now I have come BACK to life!
Larry Daley: Yeah, no. I heard that. I got that. Welcome back.
Kahmunrah: [baffled and stammering] Who are you?
Larry Daley: I'm Larry. Larry Daley. I own Daley Devices. It's up in New York. It's funny, I actually know your brother, Ahkmenrah.
Kahmunrah: Oh, he knows baby brother. The favorite son.
Larry Daley: Yeah, good kid.
Kahmunrah: Oh, isn't he just. You know, mother and father always gave him the best of everything, and I do mean everything. They even gave him the throne. The throne which was rightfully MINE!
Larry Daley: Oh, he never mentioned that...
Kahmunrah: No, I bet he didn't. Well, now begins the era of Kahmunrah, because I have come BACK to... Never mind, just hand me the Tablet.

Kahmunrah: Are there any questions?
Capone: Yeah, I got one. How come you're wearin' a dress?
Kahmunrah: This is not a dress. This is a tunic. It was the height of fashion 3,000 years ago, I assure you. Are there any other questions?
Ivan the Terrible: Da. This-a dress you're wearing, do we have to wear one of these, too?
Kahmunrah: Were you not listening? I just told Mr. Capone here that this not a dress. It is, in fact, a tunic. Very big difference. Are there any other questions?
[Napoleon raises his hand]
Kahmunrah: [getting annoyed] Are there any questions not about the dress? [catching himself] Tunic?
[Napoleon lowers his hand]
Kahmunrah: Good.

Kahmunrah: Tell me the combination and give me the tablet right now or I shall KILL all of your friends starting with this little shaggy-headed little cowman here!
Jedediah: I ain't shaggy-headed! Gigantor, let me take this guy!
Larry Daley: Don't worry, I got this handled. [to Kahmunrah] You don't wanna give me my friends, then you're not gonna get your combination or your Tablet.
Kahmunrah: Alright, I'll tell you what, alright. They didn't call me Kahmunrah the Trustworthy for nothing, alright? [starts to hand him the hourglass] Here you go.. [jerks it back] They DIDN'T call me Kahmunrah the trustworthy! They called me Kahmunrah the BLOODTHIRSTY, who kills whoever doesn't give Kahmunrah exactly what he wants in the moment that he wants it, which is RIGHT NOW, when I had also better get the combination and the Tablet!
Larry Daley: That's what they called you?
Kahmunrah: It was shorter in Egyptian.
Larry Daley: Great, well, I'll give you the combination after you give him back! [reaches for the tablet]
Kahmunrah: How dare you! If you touch that again I shall kill you right now. Do not touch this. [makes a line in front of the hourglass with his hand] This is a 'No-Touching' zone!
Larry Daley: Good, well, then... [reaches for it]
Kahmunrah: Oh my GOD! I can't believe you reached across like that again! I can't even believe it! Oh, God! I want to kill you right now! If you didn't know this combination, you would be so dead right now, it would be unbelievable!
Larry Daley: Great, well, I do know the combination...
Kahmunrah: [making a line with his arm] DON'T CROSS THIS LINE with your hand!
[Larry starts to say something]
Kahmunrah: How dare you! If you speak again, if you SPEAK AGAIN, I'm going to kill you! Do you understand this? Don't say it! Oh, God I see you getting ready! Oh, my GOD! Don't say anything! Now, give me that Tablet and tell me the combination.
Larry Daley: Alright, after you give me Jed and release my friends. [reaches for the hourglass]
Kahmunrah: [he freaks out] You did all three! You spoke and you reached your hand across!
Larry Daley: Look, I can talk to you about this all night!
Kahmunrah: How about this? How about I DON'T kill you, like I really, really want to, and I give you precisely five seconds to hand over that Tablet and tell me the combination?
Al Capone: [coming in carrying Einstein] We already got the combination! It's pi. 3.14159265! This little guy sang. Oh did he sing? Like a canary!
Einstein Bobblehead: Sorry, Larry.

Larry Daley: You know how you were telling me that the key to happiness was something, but then the sun came up? I think I figured it out. It's doing what you love, with the people you love, isn't it?
Teddy Roosevelt: Well, I was going to say physical exercise, but the love thing's good, too.

Kahmunrah: [last words; defeated by Larry] What are you?
Larry Daley: I'm the night guard. [pushes Kahmunrah into the Underworld]
[Kahmunrah screams]

Tuskegee Airman #2: Ma'am, I'd just like to thank you.
Amelia Earhart: For what?
Tuskegee Airman #2: Well, a lot of people didn't think we could fly, either. Thanks for clearing the runway. [salutes]

Amelia Earhart: Do you know why I became a pilot?
Larry Daley: I have no idea.
Amelia: For the fun of it. Why else would anyone do anything?

[after defeating Kahmunrah]
Gen. Custer: The Battle of the Smithsonian. The greatest battle the world will never know.
Larry: We'll know.

Cast

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