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Nice Dreams

1981 film by Tommy Chong

Nice Dreams is a 1981 film in which, disguised as ice cream vendors, Cheech and Chong make--and subsequently lose--millions of dollars selling a batch of marijuana with an unusual side effect.

Directed by Tommy Chong. Written by Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong.
The story of two enterprising young men who make an amazing amount of money selling ice cream. (taglines)

Cheech

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  • [talking to his plants] Ooh, Oaxaca. Ooh, sensi. How are you, my darling? Oh, God, your buds are getting so big. I have to get you a training bra. You got some lint in your belly button there. There you go. All right. Okay, you guys, be cool.
  • Yeah, real funny, man... so funny I forgot to laugh...
  • Hey, scratch my balls, man... anybody scratch my balls!

Sgt. Stedenko

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  • The only way to catch a doper is when you yourself become a smoker. The surest way to make them bleed is when you bust their ass and steal their weed.
  • You know we cannot trust our own instincts, now I want you send this down to the analyzer and have it labbed. I'll take care of it.
  • [talking to a lizard] You... have beautiful eyes. Yes you do...

Howie Hamburger Dude

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  • Would you like to have a hamburger?
  • You're the guy from the hamburger train, right? Yeah, the hambur- [sniffs]

Dialogue

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Chong: Hey, how much money do we have now?
Cheech: All together?
Chong: Yeah, all together?
Cheech: Let's see, mmm, uh, oh man! We have $17,000,000!
Chong: Really?
Cheech: Oh, wait, well, um, 17, something. Who cares? We're rich, man.
Cheech: Man, I can't believe you. Every time you do coke, this shit happens.
Chong: Hey, wait a minute, man. How come every time I do coke, you say that "every time you do coke" thing?
Timothy Leary: You want the key?
Cheech: Hey, please, Doc. Get me outta here. Let me be free. I just want the key, okay?
Timothy Leary: You're sure you want to be free?
Cheech: Yeah! Yeah! I want to be free. Just give me the key, okay? Please.
Timothy Leary: Come here. Stick out your tongue.
Cheech: What?
Timothy Leary: Stick out your tongue. [puts a cube on Cheech's tongue] There's the key.
Cheech: This is not the key. I want the key.
Timothy Leary: That's the key to the universe.
Chong: You know what I think we should invest in, man?
Cheech: What?
Chong: A rest home for old hippies.
Cheech: Yeah?
Chong: Cause, man, you know, like, hippies have been around since the 60's man.
Cheech: Yeah.
Chong: You know, and there really isn't like a hip place for 'em to go when they get real old, you know.
Cheech: Yeah.
Chong: You know, how I see it, you know, it's like a regular rest home except you have all the dope you can smoke, you know, for these old people. They'd listen to all the music they want, you know.
Cheech: Like we could call it: Laid Back Manor.
Chong: Yeah! Hey, great. Yeah.
Cheech: That'd be heavy.
Chong: Because, you know, I mean, like, what do people do when they get old? You know, they usually keep them stoned, laid-back.
Chong: Hey, listen, there's a lot of smart dudes who do coke, man.
Cheech: Yeah? Like who?
Chong: Like, Sherlock Holmes does coke. And he isn't so stupid.
Cheech: Sherlock Holmes?
Chong: You know what I wanna do when I die, man?
Cheech: What?
Chong: I'm gonna get cremated, man.
Cheech: Yeah?
Chong: Yeah. Then I wanna get my ashes put in a baggie, you know.
Cheech: Yeah?
Chong: Then I'm gonna have all my friends - we'll have a party and then everybody will smoke me. Mix it with some good shit, you know.
Cheech: Remind me not to be one of your friends when you die.
Chong: Hey, man, that dude looked kinda straight to be buying dope.
Cheech: Hey, man, don't worry about it. I checked him out myself, man. He ain't a cop. I can smell cops a mile away, man. They smell like coffee and doughnuts.
Cheech: We're rich. Hey, let's buy a villa in Costa Rica. That'd be great. We could just...
Chong: I'm gonna get some more guitars.
Cheech: Yeah?
Chong: Yeah, I wanna get a Fender. No, I don't like Fenders, man. No, I'll get one anyway.
Cheech: Let's get one of those big, white houses, man. You know, like, with a veranda, you know. With a porch. We'd be sitting out there sipping pina colonics, man.
Chong: Pina colonics?
Cheech: Yeah.
Chong: What's that?
Cheech: You know, they make them in a blender, man. You know.
Chong: Oh, yeah.
Cheech: Yeah. We'd have topless ladies, man. Maybe we'll make ourselves sun kings. You know, buy a little island. We'll put two little chairs on a little hill, and every day at noon we'll go up there and all the natives will bow down to us and we'll throw them joints, you know. I like to help the little people, man. Like, that's important in life.
Cheech: Those are the ugliest chicks I ever saw in my life.
Chong: No kidding, man. But if they're so ugly, how come you were hitting on them?
Cheech: I wasn't hitting on them, man.
Chong: Well, that part about asking them if they were models, man.
Cheech: I was trying to be nice, man.
Chong: Models for Kal-Can dog food.

Taglines

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  • The story of two enterprising young men who make an amazing amount of money selling ice cream.
  • The High Life Never Tasted So Good!

Cast

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