Law & Order: Criminal Intent/Season 3

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Law & Order: Criminal Intent (2001- 2011) is a criminal drama television series, part of the popular Law & Order franchise created by Dick Wolf. The show focuses on the Major Case Squad, an elite group of detectives specializing in cases of political sensitivity or public attention.

Undaunted Mettle [3.01]

[A murdered architecture student leads Goren and Eames to a high-profile architect who is competing to design the new buildings in place of the Twin Towers.]

[Going through the wallet of the victim.]

Eames: Library card. Man after your own heart.

[After telling the Captain that she will be a surrogate mother for her sister.]

Eames: He said when the time comes, he'll hook you up with a temporary partner.

Goren: Oh, no. I didn't even think of that. Well, what did you say?

Eames: I pity the fool.

Laurette: Whether you like it or not, my work has entered your subconscious.

Eames: Mm. And I thought it was last night's potstickers.

Eames: Well, if he wanted to get inside Laurette's head, he needed more blondes in his life.

Goren: Well, buildings may crumble, but infamy's forever.

Gemini [3.02]

[A string of murders that include an optician, plastic surgeon and hair stylist seems to have racial overtones]

Eames: This is nice. Charles Darwin as a serial killer.

Goren: Our shooter didn't write that letter.

Eames: Great, another nut in the mix.

[When the detectives suspect a copycat murder was performed by an imprisoned man's brother to apparently exonerate him.]

Goren: The twisted tango of brotherly love.

[When Carver confronts executives about concealing the existence of a second murderer.]

Executive: The effect to our company would have been devastating. We had to think of our employees.

Carver: Yes, I'm sure they were foremost in your thoughts.

[Trying to convince Carver to cut a deal with a paranoid schizophrenic.]

Goren: [To Carver] Y-- You know, I find paranoid schizophrenics make excellent witnesses.

[When Spencer's brother tells the police that Spencer knew where the murder weapon was.]

Spencer: None of this is true. You said so himself. He's crazy.

Goren: Yeah, he may be crazy. But you're evil.

[Both brothers are led away by police. Eames looks after them.]

Eames: The tango just goes on.

The Gift [3.03]

[A reporter is murdered, and the suspects include his father's mistress and a couple who practice Santeria.]

Eames: Maybe one day we'll get lucky and robbery will be the motive.

Goren: Of all places to ditch a car, Long Island City would not be my first choice.

Eames: It's amazing what one copper mine can do for a family.

Deakins: Even if he was their chauffer, you see them getting mixed up with Bello's voodoo?

Goren: Oh, we're just observing phenomena. Not explaining it.

Sylvia: [indicating Goren] A man with a broken neck.

But Not Forgotten [3.04]

[Goren starts opening a container of cheese that belonged to the victim.]

Eames: And I thought that dog was ripe.

Goren: Yeah, it's very, uh-- uh, assertive.

Eames: Yeah.

Goren: Sheep's milk. It's, uh, "rochetta."

Eames: You can tell that just from the smell?

Goren: Label.

[Eames watches Goren fondling the head of a drowned and battered murdered suspect. She grimaces.]

Eames: You keep doing that, I'm going to drop this kid right here.

[When an ex-detective is arrested for murder.]

Deakins: So much for passing out brains with those gold shields.

Pravda [3.05] [G/B]

[The crime scene detective explains the scene, then looks at Goren and Bishop.]

Detective: You two don't take notes?

Goren: Uh, we haven't worked that out yet.

Detective: You might want to make a note? That's probably the murder weapon.

Bishop: $220 at a shot, sometimes $440, sometimes twice a night.

Eames: Are these late night withdrawals?

[Bishop nods.]

Eames: Cash machines at strip bars charge you a 10% premium. A $200 lap dance will cost you $220.

[Goren grins proudly.]

Goren: You see what you miss not working Vice?

[As Goren and Bishop walk away from a luncheon table, after Goren causes a scene with a potential suspect.]

Bishop: So you know, I did not enjoy that.

Goren: No? Eames would have.

Bishop: If you were showing me how to turn a friendly witness into a hostile one, you succeeded.

[Carver kicks Goren out of his conference room after Goren torpedoes the case against a suspect.]

Carver: Are you working for the defense now?

Stray [3.06] [G/B]

[Goren sits down at the computer and starts scrolling down. Bishop clears her throat.]

Goren: If I'm not scrolling fast enough for you, be my guest.

Bishop: I'm sorry, I don't--

Goren: No, really, I don't mind. Eames likes to drive, so she drives. You want to scroll, scroll.

Goren: You sure you don't want to take the car?

Bishop: No, it's only two blocks over.

Goren: Your feet hurt. I notice, your toes are curling in your shoes.

Bishop: After a week of killings, nothing like soft lights and a warm bath.

A Murderer Among Us [3.07] [G/B]

Brody: [describing the NYPD] You make the truth sound like a lie.

Goren: These cuts on the tops of her wrists. Now if she was defending herself-- [puts his hands up, palms outward]

Bishop: [hard] You mean "defending herself like a girl". What if she was defending herself like a boxer? [puts up her hands, palms inward]

Rodgers: Score one for the new kid.

Bishop: If it's okay, I'd like to come with you.

Eames: Sure. You can carry me up the stairs.

Goren: It's the little lies that tell the big story.

Sound Bodies [3.08] [G/B]

[A case of random poisoning in a small, island-locked community leads detectives to a subculture of sex games among the teenagers, and a string of bizarre deaths.]

[Upon hearing that packets of artificial sweetener were poisoned.]

Deakins: The killer was targeting people on diets?

[Eames and Bishop are talking while Goren is listening to a 911 tape. He suddenly and loudly slaps the table to get them to stop. Both women look at him. He is concentrating, now oblivious to them.]

Eames: Want me to stick a dart in him?

[On learning that three 17-year old victims had the same strain of gonorrhea.]

Goren: So they got it from the same girl.

Rodgers: Unless toilet seats and doorknobs are making a comeback.

Goren: You just wait with your little fishing rod, and you just hook whatever damaged goods comes out of the pit.

[Conway bitch-slaps Goren. He grabs Conway's hands.]

Goren: Ouch!

Happy Family [3.09] [G/B]

[When a rich man is found brutally murdered, the detectives investigate the murky relationships in his divorce-wracked family.]

Mrs. Connors: I called him at his job. His partner said he was on his way. And then he arrived. It's no mystery.

Goren: Well, the mystery is that, uh, the reception in the recital hall, it cleared up. Because a moment ago, you said it was like a tomb.

Mrs. Connors: My sons'll be home for lunch soon. It would be so nice if you weren't here.

Forensics Tech: Shirt's chambray, size large.

Eames: Well, that fits Eddie Malloy.

Deakins: Fits me, too.

Eames: Yeah, but you're not dating a widow with $40 million.

Malloy: I don't mess with collectibles. Check my rap sheet. Strictly TVs and toasters.

Bishop: But you knew about the Connors' stamp collection.

Malloy: I know they keep money in banks, but I don't break in and steal it.

Bishop: Well, that's admirable.

Goren: She pooched your alibi.

Dr. Friedman: I don't know anything about her condition.

Goren: Lucky for us, Dr. Friedman, you're a terrible liar.

Goren: Solomon threatened to split the child. Maybe this time we should let the child decide.

Carver: From a Romanian orphanage to an American divorce. I hope New York State will prove a better guardian for these children.

Goren: Well, from your lips to God's ear.

F.P.S [3.10] [G/B]

[While Eames goes into labor, Bishop and Goren investigate the mysterious death of a girl gamer.]

Goren: Her laptop is missing. Is it in there?

Bishop: [Going through drawers in the victim's bedroom] Only two things in here with batteries. None of them's a computer.

Goren: [Looking around a suspect's computer collection] What're you running here, Raymond? A group home for computers?

Bishop: A computer geek who can clone himself. Scary thought.

Deakins: [regarding the complexity of the investigation] When we catch this guy, he's going to owe me a bottle of aspirin.

MCS Computer Tech: Gotchya, monkey brain.

[After Goren has lashed out a suspect who he thought was behind on his child support payments and is proved wrong.]

Goren: [To Bishop] Croydon. McVee is another Croydon.

Bishop: Who's-- Who's Croydon?

Goren: He ran out on his wife. Hitchens used him to get at me. And the pattern. One, one, two-- it's Wally Stevens.

Bishop: I don't know what you're talking about.

Goren: He was an actuary. He had a pattern of five. Five-- five notes. Five ... pins. [Pauses.] Eames would have known.

Goren: [To Bishop] It's about yearning. He misses his partner.

Carver: He killed her to drive his partner back into his arms? That's almost juvenile.

Goren: It's primitive. Panic is a primitive emotion. That's how he felt without his partner.

Jack: [To Neil] I told you, I didn't even know her name. She was just a gamer.

Goren: [To Neil] Just a gamer? Your partner let a gamer get between you two. If my partner was putting me through that -- abandoning me, leaving me vulnerable, impotent, for a nobody -- That's unforgivable.

[Goren's cell phone rings. He opens it and looks at the message. He looks relieved.]

Goren: Seven pounds, eight ounces.

Carver: [smiling] Excellent.

Bishop: It's great. You-- You should call her. I'll handle the booking.

Mad Hops [3.11] [G/B]

[A dead P.I. leads detectives to a complicated scheme of high school sports recruitment, and brings back memories of his own youth to Goren.]

Detective: [Describing the dead victim.] He had no ID, no cell phone, no watch. Punks used the whole buffalo.

Goren: [Regarding the dead P.I.] He taught social sciences at I.S. 44, 15 years ago.

Bishop: In the Bronx. Should have been enough excitement for two lifetimes.

[Goren and Bishop speak to some street basketball players.]

Guy in wheelchair: Marv, check out her dibs. [To Bishop] What do you got on, P. Diddy drapes? What you all, fashion police? [All laugh.]

Goren: Obviously, they don't know we're the hoops police, 'cause-- [to Marv] --we ought to lock you up for wearin' those kicks. Where'd you find those? on a telephone line?

Players: Wooo! [All laugh. The players throw the ball to Goren.]

Coach: You played?

Goren: Yeah. High school.

Coach: In the city? Maybe I saw you play.

Goren: No. I didn't stick with it.

Coach: Ah. Maybe with the right encouragement.

Student: I didn't actually see him selling weed. But everybody knows he was doin' it.

Goren: Well, then it must be true.

Coach: [To Bishop] Does he always beat around the bush?

Goren: I can be direct. You're divorced. You got no kids. And basketball is pretty much it for you, Coach. You haven't won a championship in the last seven years. You might be hungry for a big win to cap your career. Hungry enough to go into business with Curtis Romney?

Coach: I can be direct, too. I see a problem with authority figures. You defy them. You disrespect them. But the truth is, you're intimidated by them. It's the mark of a boy with an indifferent father. His absence took the joy out of playing basketball.

Deakins: Convenience store. A gun's practically standard equipment.

[In the Coach's apartment, Goren and Bishop look over some of the Coach's play strategies.]

Goren: Picket-fence play. Four players in a row, fifth dribbles behind. It's old school.

Bishop: Everything about Powell's old school. I think he stopped buying jackets when Wilt Chamberlain retired.

Goren: [Picks up a plant in a pot on the Coach's counter.] Cranberry seedling. With my dad, it was avocado pits in a glass of water.

[He looks over the kitchen sink counter and spots the television across the room.]

Goren: TV. He stood over the sink and he ate while he watched TV.

Bishop: Something you do?

Goren: No. No, I found the same arrangement when I cleaned out my dad's apartment.

Goren: I know this guy. He's a lonely man with a shot at happiness. He's gonna fight for it.

Goren: [To Coach] Look, you shouldn't lose everything because you tried to help this kid. You know, when my father died, he had just enough money to, uh, cover his own funeral. That shouldn't happen to you.

Goren: You know how to pick 'em, Coach.

Coach: Now, you go ahead, Goren. You get it all out, all that defiance.

Goren: You see that? His understanding of what makes a young man tick -- it's like a gift.

Coach: You really beat the old man good, didn't you?

Goren: Well, that's how I beat all my men on the court, Coach-- head fake.

Coach: The way you talk about the game, it's just as well you stopped playing. You got no love for it.

[Uniforms take the Coach away in cuffs.]

Bishop: Well, he's hardly one to talk.

Goren: No, he's right. I stopped loving the game, when I saw it-- it wasn't getting me what I wanted.

Unrequited [3.12]

[An anonymous tip leads Eames and Goren to an old murder, and the precarious juggle of the merry widow's extracurricular activities.]

Lawyer: I would have thought the police knew better than to put stock in an anonymous letter. I assume that since you didn't bother to inform Mrs. Whitney of the exhumation, that this letter also names her as a suspect.

Eames: Like you said, we know better than to put stock in anonymous letters.

Mrs. Whitney: You're interrupting a very important evening.

Goren: We could come back tomorrow....

Mrs. Whitney: That would be so much better.

Goren: Yeah. But since we're here--

Bradley: What the hell are you imagining? I'm interested in her acting. I signed her own as a student four weeks ago.

Goren: [Copying a mime taking place in the other room] Do you have a lot of students in their 60s?

Bradley: No.

Goren: 50s, 40s--

Eames: I'm guessing 25 is the cutoff for actresses. 26 if they're pretty.

Eames: Money's just been flying out of her pocket. Dance lessons, voice coaches--

Goren: She's servicing a long-suppressed ambition.

Capt. Deakins: To star in the uptown Y's production of Mame?

Goren: [Describing a person they've just met] And the facial tic-- it's, uh, disarming. The more anxious he gets, the worse it gets. If it's like most simple motor tics, it developed in early childhood.

Capt. Deakins: [To Eames] See what you missed?

[Eames sighs]

[Reviewing the photocopy of a donation Eames made during a recent First Responders benefit]

Eames: Here's the check for the First Responders benefit, front and back.

Deakins: [Reading over her shoulder] Five hundred bucks. Who's Terry?

Eames: My date.

[Deakins and Goren look at her.]

Eames: Well, what was I supposed to do while I was pregnant? Sit home and knit?

[Upon discovering that a donation paid to benefit one group was used to pay for party favors for a wildlife benefit several months prior]

Eames: So Harvey's having to rob Peter to pay the pandas.

[Goren is prevented for the third time from trying to enter Mrs. Gruenwald's apartment.]

Goren: You are tough, Mrs. Gruenwald, 'cause normally Detective Eames and I, we'd be in the living room by now.

Carver: [Coming from a bail hearing] Now I know what a cattle auction feels like.

[At a rehearsal for Mrs. Whitney's one-woman show.]

Mrs. Whitney: Larry, I think I should be nearer to the edge of the stage. I want to fix them with my eyes. I want to frighten them.

Bradley: Take my word for it, Marion. If they're here tonight, they'll be frightened.

Mrs. Whitney: [As she is being arrested] You can't do this to me. This can't be happening to me.

Eames: Sorry. Looks like you forgot your ruby slippers.

Goren: I think Harvey will like jail. Well, it's where all the famous people are these days.

Pas de Deux [3.13]

[An apparent case of robbery by innocent bystander sends Goren and Eames in pursuit of a murderer who wires his victims up with bombs in order to rob banks]

[Goren and Eames find a black briefcase in a garbage can after looking over a victim who was killed by a bomb.]

Eames: [Turns away] I'm going to get the bomb guys.

Goren: [Reaches in to grab a tag off the briefcase.] There's an ID tag on the briefcase.

[Eames attempts to stop him, then closes her eyes and puts her head in her hand.]

Goren: [Reading] It's B&C Copier Systems. Ernie Dominguez. [He turns it to show Eames.]

Eames: It's so nice to be back.

[Going through the victim's closet.]

Eames: Three ties-- clip-ons.

Goren: In case they get caught in the rollers of the copier. He's careful.

Eames: He should've worn a clip-on bomb.

Goren: Just, um, one dance before you go?

Margie: Oh, I'm supposed to meet someone.

Goren: So is everyone. Who are you waiting for, Prince Charming or Valiant?

[Donnie and his lawyer are alone in the interrogation room, waiting]

Donnie: [to his lawyer] Must have got lost on a donut run.

Goren: [entering] I heard that.

[Goren has gotten Margie to admit that Donnie was part of the bank holdups by showing he had poisonous pills in his pocket. Margie and Donnie are then taken away.]

Goren: [eating one of the pills] It's vitamin C.

Carver: I watched you very carefully, detective, but I missed you slipping them into his pocket.

Eames: Maybe because you watched the wrong detective? [Goren and Eames leave Carver to ponder that.]

Mis-Labeled [3.14]

[The cut up body of a pharmaceutical rep is found in his suitcases bound for Thailand, and the detectives must determine if it's related to tainted drugs]

Goren: You look angry, Mr. Buchanan.

Buchanan: "Angry" doesn't come close to describing how I feel.

Goren: Doctor, tell me something. When you decide to dump this stuff, what do you do, flip a coin? Heads Asia, tails Africa?

Mrs. Heaton: [to Goren] You ask the weirdest questions.

Eames: You have no idea.

Goren: You cut a human being in half, Brian. How good does that make you?

[after all the guilty parties have been arrested]

Carver: Any bets which one the media will paint as the lesser evil?

Goren: There's no such animal.

Shrink-Wrapped [3.15]

[After a musician is found brutally murdered in his recording studio, Detectives Goren and Eames must deal with a bizarre family of shrinks.]

Eames: "Transference Be-Bop"?

Goren: Those are psychotherapeutic terms. He was seeing a shrink.

Eames: Been better off seeing a lyricist.

Carver: This family makes me want to go home and kiss my wife.

Goren: You snatched the victory from the jaws of your mother. Showed your parents just how smart you really are.

Camilla: They know, they raised me.

Eames: Raised you? Wolves would've done a better job.

Carver: You'd think two people with their credentials and education could raise a perfect child.

Goren: They thought they did. That's the problem.

The Saint [3.16]

[A complicated scheme of forgery, fraud, and defamation targeting a long-dead saint is discovered after a woman is killed by a booby-trapped gift.]

Elizabeth Bennett: [to her son] You are nothing but a common criminal!

Goren: There's nothing common about your son. Or his crime.

Goren: She took everything away from you. Everything that you loved. But she gave you this. She gave you the... the drive to develop this skill.

James Bennett: [softly] Yes.

Goren: And the venom to use it. Use it to cheat. And to kill. She gave you that.

James: Yes, Mother. That's what you gave me.

Eames: She worshiped a saint and raised a sinner.

Goren: The sinner raised himself.

Conscience [3.17]

[A doctor is murdered, and Goren and Eames delve into the history of one of her patients in an extreme vegetative state]

Goren: Either he's a psychic for Greenpeace or he's a liar.

Goren: Once a murderer, always a murderer.

Ill-Bred [3.18]

[A veterinarian's murder leads to a complex case involving drugs and a barn full of sexually active stable mates]

Goren: Oh, uh, wow, these quick-release knots, they are, uh, very quick.

Eames: When I was a kid, I used to dream about living on a horse farm.

Goren: That's a nice dream... for a horse.

Fico De Capo [3.19]

[The murder of a mob witness and attempted murder of an undercover officer lead the detectives into a chess game being played by a fading mob don]

Goren: He felt anger, he just knew better than to show it. Instead he-he went blank, like he was flipping through an emotional Rolodex, searching for the socially appropriate response. But anger...that is his only true emotional response.

Goren: [to Mikey] Sadness. The appropriate response here... is sadness.

D.A.W. [3.20]

[An investigation into an apparent robbery-murder leads to a serial killer who preys on the elderly]

Lafond: Well, all these years Danielle has been your patient. It's nice to finally meet you, doctor.

Dr. Lindgard: Danielle is a terrific young woman.

Lafond: Yeah, I'm a pretty lucky guy.

Dr. Lindgard: [lasciviously] But you should have seen her at 24.

Goren: Was Mrs. Lindgard aware of what her son did for her?

Mrs. Dobell: Oh, yes. He walked with the angels, as far as she was concerned. She expected great things from him. [leaves]

Eames: 16 years old... I can't imagine watching my mother suffer all night for 8 months.

Goren: He was powerless then. Now it's about having that control. It's a ritual he can't stop replaying.

Dr. Lindgard: [of his victims] I take their lives! I give them their deaths! I'm in control!

Eames: [after Lindgard is arrested] He won't be walking with the angels anytime soon.

Consumed [3.21]

[A cop is accused of racially motivated killings, but the detectives delve a little deeper and find a complex plot of revenge]

Eames: Nothing says rage-aholic like a punch in the wall. His neighbors must love him.

Goren: They say that this should be served at room temperature, but it's best served cold: Revenge.

Eames: So that's what $15,000,000 looks like.

Goren: So that's what vengeance gets you, a mouthful of ashes?