- [to Richard; quietly] You're walking around New York City... [loudly] WITH $1,000,000 IN A SUITCASE?!?!
- (Because Patricia didn't show up) Okay, if that's the way she wants to play it, she's not gonna get a dime.
- [upon seeing Lipo Lipo; about Patrcia] Oh, my God. She left me for Gilligan's Island!
- I'm a parent! Therefore, I'm an idiot!
- (About Jovanovich) Now, this guy has a lot of money. He's the king of caviar, and he's gonna save our asses!
- (Referring to New York) This your village, Baboon? (Michael: Yep, this is my village) It's big.
- Stop shouting, Baboon! Maitika kill chief!
- [seeing Karen for the first time] Angel on table.
(while canoeing on the river
Mimi: [pointing to toucan in flight] Hoko!
Michael: Hoko. Yeah, bird. Bird that can't sing: Hoko Ono.
Patricia: His name's Mimi-Siku.
Michael: Mimi Siku...
Patricia: Roughly translated, it means "cat piss".
Michael: He chose the name "cat piss"?
Patricia: He was six years old at the time! Its a territorial thing.
Mimi: [Initiates Karen into his tribe] Choose a name.
Karen: Choose for me.
Mimi: [thinks for a moment] Ukumay.
Karen: What does it mean?
Mimi: It means "Sound of rain on river water."
Karen: "Ukumay." It's pretty.
Richard: (Walking upstairs) Ring twice, knock once, ring three times. Okay.
Michael: (Sees video camera next to big wooden door) Oh, boy.
Richard: So it is...
Michael: What, what?
Richard: Ring twice. (Michael rings doorbell) Knock once.(Knocks)And then you ring three times.
Michael: You sure it's three?
Richard: Yes, it's definately three times. (Michael rings doorbell)
Michael: Okay. (Clears throat. Nothing happens)
Richard: Okay, so that's wrong. So we do--- ring three times--- (Rings)
Michael: I'm not sure---
Richard: Knock once, and ring twice.
Michael: No, it---
Michael: (Sighs) We're gonna get shot.
Richard: Uh-uh, it's gonna be fine. It's gonna be good. (Nothing happens)
Michael: That--that really worked great. I--I remember it differently now. I got what it is.
Richard: All right, Mr. Wizard, take over.
Michael: Ring twice.
Richard: Take over.
Michael: You knock once...
Richard: And ring...
Michael: No, no, no, no, you do NOT, whatever you do ring four times. [Holds up hand and indicates fingers to remind Richard of the man losing his fingers]
Jovanovic: (From inside) Open damn door! Chort Vozmi
|Tim Allen||Michael Cromwell|
|Martin Short||Richard Kempster|
|JoBeth Williams||Dr. Patricia Cromwell|
|David Ogden Stiers||Alexei Jovanovic|
|Bob Dishy||George Langston|
|Valerie Mahaffey||Jan Kempster|
|Leelee Sobieski||Karen Kempster|
|Frankie J. Galasso||Andrew Kempster|
|Oni Faida Lampley||Madeleine|