Joe Somebody is a 2001 American comedy-drama film written by John Scott Shepherd and directed by John Pasquin. The film stars Tim Allen as a man stirred into action by a workplace bully. The film also stars Julie Bowen, Kelly Lynch, Greg Germann, Hayden Panettiere, Patrick Warburton and Jim Belushi.
- [after getting hit by trainer]
- Joe: Did people ever come back here?
- Meg: You're having a picnic attack, do you know what that means?
- Joe: It sounds pretty self-explanatory.
- Joe: You talking to me?
- Joe: Did you have fun?
- Natalie: Weekend from hell. They took me to another silly-ass hippie restaurant.
- Natalie: With thee most absurd one-man play ever produced!
- Joe: "Silly-ass"?
- Natalie: Dad...
- Natalie: [on the phone with Joe] Dad, just tell me something. Is it you don't want to see me? Or is it you don't want me to see you?
- Joe: Yes... Yes to the second one.
- Natalie: [crying] DAD, just please let me come over. Just for a little while...
- Joe: It's okay. Everything's all right. I'm just sitting here drowning my sorrows in a - a quart of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey.
- Chuck: Too bad. I was really hoping to give a shit.
- Joe: Can you show me some of that Crouching Dragon, Hidden Tiger stuff?
- Natalie: Everything on the menu was made with curd. Curd this, curd that. I MEAN, I ordered a hamburger and I got a 10-minute lecture on animal rights from the waitress. AND the guy in the play was half-naked!
- Joe: WHAT? Which half?
- Joe: Your become a farmer?
- Rick: No, Joe. I'm an actor dressed as a farmer... for an audition.
- Joe: Sorry.
- Callie: We had a great weekend. Did she tell you about the play?
- Joe: Yeah. The actors were naked.
- Natalie: So were the ushers.
- Callie: They were not!
- Joe: Callie, Beauty and the Beast is in town. What's a matter with that?
- Natalie: [gets out of the car after Joe gets punched by Mark] LEAVE HIM ALONE, DIRTBAG!
- Joe: Don't call anybody a dirtbag.
- Natalie: Daddy, are you okay? You're bleeding.
- Joe: I'm good. I just tripped! I'm okay. Let's go...
- Natalie: Why do I have to spend weekends with them? Can't we just drive by every Saturday and wave?
- Joe: Your mom's a little eccentric. Think of her as an exotic flower.
- Natalie: And that made you what? Dirt?
- Joe: NAT, she's your mom.
- Natalie: HEY, that guy is an ass-wipe!
- Joe: NATALIE...
- Natalie: Sorry, I meant "ass-guy".
- Joe: That's Mark McKinney! He's a 7-year employee. W-what's he doing in the 10-year lot?
- Natalie: Maybe he's going to stand around for another 3 years.
- A Comedy About Somebody Everybody Can Believe In.
- someone just picked on the wrong nobody.
- Knockout fun for the whole family!
- Tim Allen - Joe Scheffer
- Julie Bowen - Meg Harper
- Kelly Lynch - Callie Scheffer
- Greg Germann - Jeremy
- Hayden Panettiere - Natalie Scheffer
- Patrick Warburton - Mark McKinney
- Jim Belushi - Chuck Scarett
- Ken Marino - Rick Raglow
- Wolfgang Bodison - Cade Raymond
- Cristi Conaway - Abby Manheim
- Robert Joy - Pat Chilcutt
- Tina Lifford - Cassandra Taylor