Joe Somebody

2001 film by John Pasquin

Joe Somebody is a 2001 American comedy-drama film written by John Scott Shepherd and directed by John Pasquin. The film stars Tim Allen as a man stirred into action by a workplace bully. The film also stars Julie Bowen, Kelly Lynch, Greg Germann, Hayden Panettiere, Patrick Warburton and Jim Belushi.

A Comedy About Somebody Everybody Can Believe In.taglines


[after getting hit by trainer]
Joe: Did people ever come back here?

Meg: You're having a panic attack, do you know what that means?
Joe: It sounds pretty self-explanatory.

Joe: You talking to me?

Joe: Did you have fun?
Natalie: Weekend from hell. They took me to another silly-ass hippie restaurant.
Natalie: With thee most absurd one-man play ever produced!
Joe: "Silly-ass"?
Natalie: Dad...

Natalie: [on the phone with Joe] Dad, just tell me something. Is it you don't want to see me? Or is it you don't want me to see you?
Joe: Yes... Yes to the second one.
Natalie: [crying] DAD, just please let me come over. Just for a little while...
Joe: It's okay. Everything's all right. I'm just sitting here drowning my sorrows in a - a quart of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey.

Chuck: Too bad. I was really hoping to give a shit.

Joe: Can you show me some of that Crouching Dragon, Hidden Tiger stuff?

Natalie: Everything on the menu was made with curd. Curd this, curd that. I MEAN, I ordered a hamburger and I got a 10-minute lecture on animal rights from the waitress. AND the guy in the play was half-naked!
Joe: WHAT? Which half?

Joe: You became a farmer?
Rick: No, Joe. I'm an actor dressed as a farmer... for an audition.
Joe: Sorry.

Callie: We had a great weekend. Did she tell you about the play?
Joe: Yeah. The actors were naked.
Natalie: So were the ushers.
Callie: They were not!
Joe: Callie, Beauty and the Beast is in town. What's the matter with that?

Natalie: [gets out of the car after Joe gets punched by Mark] LEAVE HIM ALONE, DIRTBAG!
Joe: Don't call anybody a dirtbag.
Natalie: Daddy, are you okay? You're bleeding.
Joe: I'm good. I just tripped! I'm okay. Let's go...

Natalie: Why do I have to spend weekends with them? Can't we just drive by every Saturday and wave?
Joe: Your mom's a little eccentric. Think of her as an exotic flower.
Natalie: And that made you what? Dirt?
Joe: NAT, she's your mom.

Natalie: HEY, that guy is an ass-wipe!
Natalie: Sorry, I meant "ass-guy".

Joe: That's Mark McKinney! He's a 7-year employee. W-what's he doing in the 10-year lot?
Natalie: Maybe he's going to stand around for another 3 years.


  • A Comedy About Somebody Everybody Can Believe In.
  • someone just picked on the wrong nobody.
  • Knockout fun for the whole family!


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