Jackass: The Movie

Jackass: The Movie is a 2002 American reality film directed by Jeff Tremaine with the tagline "Do not attempt this at home." It is a riskier and uncensored continuation of the stunts and pranks by the various characters of the MTV television series Jackass, which had completed its series run by this time. The film was produced by MTV Films and Dickhouse Productions and released by Paramount Pictures. It was followed by 2006 sequel film Jackass Number Two.

Directed by Jeff Tremaine and co-written with Spike Jonze and Johnny Knoxville.

Do not attempt this at home.(taglines)

WARNING: The stunts in this movie were performed by professionals. So neither you nor your dumb buddies should attempt anything from this movie.

Johnny Knoxville

[Opening narration] WARNING: The stunts in this movie were performed by professionals, so for your safety and the protection of those around you, do not attempt any of the stunts you're about to see.
[Opening line] Hi, I’m Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!
Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and we're about to test my rocket skates.
Did you see the way I stopped the beanbag with my stomach? That's instinct. You can't teach that.
[After being beat up by Butterbean] Is Butterbean OK?
I think I'm a little concussed.
[Laughing at Dave England who has soiled himself] Oh shit, I'm taking a cab back to the hotel!
[Giving off camera direction to Jason "Wee-Man" Acuna] Kick yourself in the head, wee man.
Do you have a pocket ass?
[After returning the smashed up car] But I returned it with a full tank of gas.
[Referring to firework going off] That almost hit Loomis in the face!
There's no such thing as failure, Steve-O!... One thing I know, is good tightrope walking!
You little bastard!
I fell and busted my ass, that's what's fuckin' wrong!
[To Steve-O] Go grab the dead kitty! [Later, in disbelief after Steve O exits the septic river] You're not going to save the kitty?
That was my flesh!
[To "Jewelery Burglary" skit bystander] I was barely halfway through the ceiling and you were already out the door!
This is the Muscle Simulator.
I have bad news written all over me.
I'm here with Eric Koston and Clyde Singleton and today I'm gonna 50-50 this rail and... or try to.

Bam Margera

Whose dick do I gotta suck to get some explosions around here?
[After waking Phil up with fire works] Hey Phil, you know you have to get up at 5 in the morning tonight.
[From extended footage, on phone] How much does Rake hate mustard? [To cameraman] This is Rake's mom and she says I wouldn't be able to have children in my future.
This is Sweaty Fat Fucks. [Tony Hawk and Mat Hoffman hit Bam in the testicles]
[Referring to father Phil's obesity] Look at Phil's tummy.
[About the upset customer in the store] He was so bummed! He went there to buy QTips and he just got bummed because there was a fight going on!
[After getting a surprise haircut] Eh! What the fuck!

Ryan Dunn

[Referring to proceed with a boxing match with Naoko Kumagai, a female Japanese kickboxer] I'm about to get the shit kicked out of me by a girl.
Knoxville knocked my nuts in half!
Ryan Dunn: I could sure go for a Miller High Life...
I'm not too excited about this skit, it's not my favorite I've ever done, because there's a toy car in my butt. But this is the "Butt X-Ray".
[After many failed intro attempts, sigh] Goddamn, this is the BMX tug-of-war.
Oh fuck, I feel like I have to shit my ass!

Spike Jonze

[Acting like an old man on a scooter] You're nice, you’re a kind man. Would you like to come over for dinner?

Steve-O

So we're finding it a little bit chilly in Japan, so we're going to warm ourselves up with some fireworks. [Proceeds to ride roller skates with rockets attached in Tokyo alley ways]
[Preparing to pole-vault into a septic river] Yeah, I've fucking been there before, dudes. It sucks.
[After firing rockets out of anus] Like, an ember fell right on my cornhole, dude!
[Referring to getting a full tattoo on back of himself giving both thumbs up] Yeah dude!
I am so glad I turned this idea down.
Dude they're telling me the parasites in there can fucking crawl through your anything like even my dick hole, I'm like so I wanted to put like a rubber on, but no one has a rubber. Dude fucking after all that pussy and my dick goes down because of this shit
[While preparing the wasabi to snort it] Chopsticks are so stupid!
That's Danger Ehren, a.k.a. "Who?" and that's Dave England, a.k.a. "Why?"

Chris Pontius

I guess I don't have any last words. I'm just going to kill myself once I lose my weiner.
[To Tokyo fortune telling senior man] Wait a minute. I already know my fortune, it's partying! [Rips off tracksuit and starts dancing causing the fortune teller to run out of the booth]
[After being swatted by a wild puma cat while wearing a foam rubber mouse costume] I don't like him. He's mean.
Hi, I'm Bunny the Lifeguard, any of these alligators try to ruin our swimming, I'm gonna wrestle them down, and probably have my way with them.
[Playing with a string attached to his penis] Hi. I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to Jackass.
[Puts the "Muscle Stimulator" on crotch] Right, let's zap my nuts.

Chris Raab

I'm Raab Himself and I'm a complete fucking idiot.

Jason "Wee-Man" Acua

I'm Weeman and this is a big cone.

Rake Yohn

[Referring to bungee wedgie] This is like worse than a hanging.

Spike Jonze

[Acting like an old man on a scooter] You're a nice man. Would you like to come over for dinner?

Phil Margera

Now you're getting crazy with this shit. Ape! He's starting to lose it! Jesus Christ! Ape! I need toilet paper!

Butterbean

Hit me once at least. [Johnny Knoxville lightly face punches Butterbean] There ya go. [Butterbean full-on face punches Knoxville unconscious]

Henry Rollins

[About to receive a tattoo with both wrists taped in an off-road buggy] My name is Henry Rollins and this is Off-Road Tattoo!
This is designed to fuck you up!
Christian, motherfucker!

Eric Koston

I can't believe he got that far!

Dialogue

Bam Margera: Since we no longer have to bleep cuss words, I promise I will get my mom to say "fuck" by the end of this movie.

April Margera: [After seeing an alligator in her house] That is the scariest fucking thing I ever saw in my whole life!

Johnny Knoxville/Irving Zisman: I was Lon Chaney's lover!

Shopkeeper: Go back and love him!

Angry Golfer: [After disturbing a golf game with an air horn] Didn't I tell you I was going to come over here and kick your ass for that?

Johnny Knoxville: But... I'm sorry. I got bursitis.

Angry Golfer: You got bursitis?

Johnny Knoxville: Yeah.

Angry Golfer: So that means you gotta play with a horn?

Johnny Knoxville: It helps.

Angry Golfer: I'll give you something to play with, pal!

Johnny Knoxville: [Dazed, holding head after a golf cart skit] I don't know what happened. I just remember we went in the air and the next thing I know, I'm just... fucked.

Bam Margera: Dude, you were hauling so much ass!

Bam Margera: [After Dunn puts a toy car in his rectum] So, why couldn't you do this, because your dad would disown you?

Steve-O: Well, no, I...

Bam Margera: Dude, you drank wine off a dude's ass crack!

Steve-O: Well, my dad never saw that, never told him that. I just went to him and said; "Listen, Dad, we're going hard these days, and there's some ideas floating around," and I just mentioned the toy-car-in-the-butt thing. And then he said... you know it's when like your parents said "I'm not mad at you, just disappointed" You know that hurts so much more. [Laughs]

Johnny Knoxville: Is this the worst you've ever had to go boom-boom?

Dave England: No, no. I shit my pants at the fair.

Man: [A man tries to help Spike Jonze after his scooter zooms downhill] You alright?

Spike Jonze: Yeah.

Man: You have... your brakes go out?

Spike Jonze: Yeah. The whole thing doesn't work.

Man: Really?

Spike Jonze: Will you push me to the top? I wanna do it again.

Ryan Dunn: I'm surrounded by cacti, for fuck's sake... IT'S CACTI!

Steve-O: It's cactus!

Ryan Dunn: Whatever it is, it hurts!

Bam Margera: We wanted to see if you would run here with a car up your ass!

Ryan Dunn: No, I ain't running anywhere. It's scary enough to walk.

Johnny Knoxville: That had bad news written all over it.

Bam Margera: Dunn can't drive for shit!

Man: We have very... What the hell you doin?

Dave England: I'm sorry. I'm almost done.

Man: I hope you ain't takin' a shit in that son of a bitch!

Steve-O: [on "Butt-x-ray"] If Ryan was an animal, what would he be?

Manny Puig: This doesn't happen in nature.

April Margera: [Fanning blankets in bed] I'm helping you, are you okay?

Johnny Knoxville: [Under blankets, clearly suffering] No, you're just wafting Phil's ass in my nose!

Steve-O: [Laughs] I ran straight into a crocodile! Oh, my God!

Jeff Tremaine: Why can't you walk on a tightrope?

Steve-O: [Shrugs, scratches head] I dunno.

Johnny Knoxville: What's the quickest you've ever knocked anyone out?

Butterbean: I hold, like, a California state record's like 18 seconds including the ten-count.

Johnny Knoxville: I think you're gonna break that today.

Ryan Dunn: So how did a car toy get there?

Cuban-dude doctor: Maybe you stuck it up your ass.

Rick Kosick: [While viewing the apparatus for the "Bungee Wedgie" stunt] This isn't gonna work!

Jeff Tremaine: It might...

[Johnny Knoxville returns the badly damaged rental car]

Rental car attendant: Whose car is this?

Johnny Knoxville: This is your guy's car. I rented it from you earlier.

Rental car attendant: Yes... What?

Johnny Knoxville: Yeah, I hit a dog.

Rental car attendant: A dog isn't gonna do all that.

Jeff Tremaine: This one's gonna be a little more powerful than the last one, so...

Johnny Knoxville: Why? These are different bottle rockets?

Jeff Tremaine: No, there's just more of them.

Johnny Knoxville: What's wrong, man?

Lance Bangs: I had to sit there while he shat!

[In opening of "Butt-x-ray"]

Steve-O: So, is there any, like, real reason, why would someone stick something like that in his ass?

Ed the medic: No.

Steve-O: We're in Okinawa right now, and we're about to go swim with some whale sharks, but first...

Chris Pontius: We need to go rub one out.

Ryan Dunn: If I do your hand, you'll forget about the pain in your foot.

Johnny Knoxville: That's a good point.

Cast

Taglines

With stuff you'd never see on TV
The following stunts were performed by professionals, so neither you nor your dumb buddies should attempt anything from this movie.

External links

Wikipedia

Wikipedia has an article about:

Jackass: The Movie

Jackass: The Movie quotes at the Internet Movie Database
Jackass: The Movie at Rotten Tomatoes