You can mess with a lot of things, but you can't mess with kids on Christmas.
[To Harry and Marv] Don't you know a kid always wins against two idiots?
[imitates his father with a his Talkboy in slow motion] Howdy-do. This is Peter McCallister, the father. I'd like a hotel room, please, with an extra large bed, a TV, and one of those little refrigerators you have to open with a key. Credit card? You got it.
[after realizing he's in the Big Apple] Yikes! I did it again!
My family's in Florida, and I'm in New York. [in the verge of happiness] My family's... in Florida...? I'm in... New York?
My tie's in the bathroom. I can't go in there, 'cause Uncle Frank's taking a shower. He says if I walked in there and saw him naked, I'd grow up never feeling like a real man, whatever that means.
This is it. No turning back. Another Christmas in the trenches.
Kate: What kind of hotel allows a child to check in alone?
Mrs. Stone: The boy had a very convincing story.
Kate: What kind of idiots do you have working here?!
Mrs. Stone: The finest in New York.
[Harry and Marv, who have escaped from prison, have arrived in New York in a fish truck]
Harry: Here we are, Marv. New York City, the Land of Opportunity. [Takes a deep breath] Smell that?
Marv: [Takes a deep breath] Yeah.
Harry: Know what that is?
Harry: It's freedom.
Marv: No, it's fish.
Harry: It's freedom, and it's money.
Marv: Okay, okay, it's freedom.
Harry:: Come on, let's get out of here before someone sees us. [He leaves the truck]
Marv: And it's fish. [He leaves]
Cop: Well, Mr. Duncan, it's all over with. We apprehended the thieves, and recovered your money.
Duncan: Good. I wanna get that money over to the Children's Hospital as soon as possible.
Cop: Yo, I'll handle it personally.
Duncan: Ah! Thank you very much!
Harry: Yeah. We stay around for a while, grab a couple of phony passports and then hightail it to some foreign country.
Marv: Arizona? [He uses a sticky glove to steal some coins from a Santa Claus' bucket]
Harry: That's very smart, Marv. You bust outta jail to rob 14 cents from a Santa Claus?
Marv: Every little bit helps. Besides, now we've got our new nicknames: We're the Sticky Bandits!
Harry: [sarcastically] Real cute.
Johnny: Hold it right there!
Susie: It's me, Johnny.
Johnny: I knew it was you. I could smell ya gettin' off the elevator!
Susie: It's gardenias, Johnny. Your favorite.
Johnny: You was here last night too, wasn't ya?
Susie: I was singin' at the Blue Monkey last night.
Johnny: You was here...and you was smoochin' with my brother!
Susie: That's a dirty, rotten lie, Johnny.
Johnny: Don't gimme that. You been smoochin' with everybody! Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Moe with the gimpy leg, Cheeks, Bony Bob, Cliff... I could go on forever, baby!
Susie: You've got me all wrong!
Johnny: All right. I believe ya. [extracts his Tommy Gun] But my Tommy Gun don't!
Susie: Johnny! You're the only duck in my pond!
Johnny: Get down on your knees and tell me ya love me.
Susie: Baby, I'm over the moon for ya!
Johnny: Ya gotta do better than that!
Susie: If my love was an ocean, Lindy'd have to take 2 airplanes to get across it!
Johnny: Maybe I'm off my hinges, but I believe ya. That's why I'm gonna let ya go. I'm gonna give ya 'til the count of 3 to get your lousy, lyin', low-down 4-flushin' carcass out my door! 1... 2...
[Johnny shoots Susie while laughing maniacally, as usual]
Johnny: 3! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal! [quickly shoots repeatedly] And a Happy New Year. [shoots once more]
Johnny: Hold it right there!
Mr. Hector: This is the Concierge, sir.
Johnny: I knew it was you. I could smell ya getting off the elevator! You was here last night too, wasn't ya?
Mr. Hector: Yes, sir. I was.
Johnny: You was here...and you was smoochin' with my brother.
Mr. Hector: But...I'm afraid you're mistaken, sir.
Johnny: Don't gimme that. You been smoochin' with everybody! Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Moe with the gimpy leg, Cheeks, Bony Bob, Cliff...
[Cliff gasps with a shocked look on his face and the rest of the staff stares shockingly at him]
Cliff: No. It's a lie!
Johnny: I could go on forever, baby!
Mr. Hector: I'm terribly sorry, sir, but I'm afraid you're mistaken. We're looking for a young man.
Johnny: All right. I believe you. [extracts his gun] But my Tommy gun don't!
[Mr. Hector gives a confused look]
Johnny: Get down on your knees and tell me you love me.
Mr. Hector: On your knees.
[the entire staff gets down on their knees]
Mr. Hector: I love you!
[Kevin snickers quietly and unmutes the T.V.]
Johnny: Ya gotta do better than that!
Mr. Hector, Cedric, Mrs. Stone, and Cliff: I love you!
Johnny: Maybe I'm off my hinges, but I believe ya. That's why I'm gonna let ya go. I'm gonna give ya 'til the count of 3 to get your lousy, lyin', low-down, 4-flushin' carcass out my door! 1... 2...!
[Johnny shoots as the staff ducks from the room, and several hotel guests notice]
Johnny: 3! [while Kevin mouths him] Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal! [shoots again] And a Happy New Year. [shoots once more]
Mr. Hector[as the staff crawls out] Stay in your rooms! This is an emergency! There's an insane guest with a gun!
Harry: [after catching Kevin] Come to Papa!
Marv: Round trip to Miami? What's the matter, kid? Get on the wrong plane, squirt?
Harry: Looks like you won't be needin' this, kid. [takes the ticket and rips it]
Marv: American don't fly to the promised land, little buddy.
[the family passes Kevin's bag around from Peter all the way to Fuller]
Peter: Give this to Kevin.
Kate: Give this to Kevin.
Leslie: Give this to Kevin.
Tracy: Give this to Kevin.
Buzz: Give this to Kevin.
Rod: Give this to Kevin.
Sondra: Give this to Kevin.
Megan: Give this to Kevin.
Jeff: Give this to Kevin.
Brooke: Give this to Kevin.
Fuller: Here you go, Kevin.
[but instead of Kevin, Fuller notices 2 elderly people, so he passes the bag around to the others]
Fuller: Kevin's not here.
Brooke: Kevin's not here.
Jeff: Kevin's not here.
Megan: Kevin's not here.
Sondra: Kevin's not here.
Rod: Kevin's not here.
Linnie: Kevin's not here.
Tracy: Kevin's not here.
Leslie: Kevin's not here.
Kate: Kevin's not here.
[she hands the bag to Peter, who suddenly reacts]
[Kate only reacts by laughing, until...]
Cedric: You know, Herbert Hoover once stayed on this floor.
Kevin: The vacuum guy?
Cedric: No, the, uh, president.
Harry: [opens the cash register in Duncan's Toy Chest and steals money from it] Merry Christmas, Harry!
Marv: [opens a chest stuffed with cash and steals it] Happy Hanukkah, Marv!
Marv: My, how the tables have turned.
Harry: How do you like the ice, kid? Let's take a little stroll in the park.
Peter and Kate: [get out of bed in surprise upon noticing they woke up late, like in the previous movie] WE DID IT AGAIN! [jump out of bed and shriek]
Mrs. Stone: Can I help you?
Kevin: A reservation for McCallister?
Mrs. Stone: A reservation for yourself?
Kevin: Ma'am, my feet are hardly touching the ground. I'm barely able to look over the counter. How can I make a reservation for a hotel room? Think about it. A kid coming into a hotel, making a reservation? I don't think so.
Harry: Nothing would thrill me more greatly than to shoot you. Knocking off a youngster ain't gonna mean all that much to me. Understand? But since we're in a hurry, I'll make a deal with you: you throw down your camera and we won't hurt you. You'll never hear from us again. Okay?
Kevin: You promise?
Harry: I cross my heart and hope to die.
Kevin: Okay [picks up brick from pile behind him]
Harry: [he and Marv snicker] Okay, kid. Give it to me! [Kevin throws the brick at Marv hitting him on the forehead]
Kate: Do you have kids?
Officer: Yes, ma'am.
Kate: And what would you do if one of them was missing?
Officer: I'd probably be doing the same thing you're doing. Listen, put yourself in your kid's shoes. Where would you go?
Kate: Me? I'd probably be lying dead in a gutter somewhere. Oh, but not Kevin. No. Kevin is so much stronger and braver than I am. And I know Kevin's fine. I'm sure he is. But he's still all by himself in a big city, and he doesn't deserve that. He deserves to be at home, with his family, around his Christmas tree. [pauses] Oh, my God. I know where he is! I need to get to Rockefeller Center.