Hey Arnold! is an American animated television series that aired on Nickelodeon. The show centers on a fourth grader named Arnold, who lives with his grandparents in an inner-city tenement in Hillwood, Washington.
Arnold and LilaEdit
--- [Rhonda, Nadine and Lila have just found the words "Arnold Loves Lila" written on the wall. Unknown to them, Helga has written it, originally writing "Arnold Loves Helga" then changing it when she heard them coming.]
- Nadine: Do you think it's true?
- Rhonda: Of course it's true, it's written on the wall: Arnold Loves Lila.
[Helga is watching as Lila and Arnold spend time together]
- Helga: The worst part is, I did this to myself! If only I had left what I wrote on the wall, if only I wasn't so gutless, maybe Arnold would be cosying up to me, instead of that Little Miss Perfect phony Lila.
Arnold Betrays Iggy:Edit
- Iggy: Arnold, I am so sorry!
- Arnold: [bitterly] Oh, it's you.
- Iggy: [as Arnold begins to walk away] I tried to call it off. I couldn't get through! I'm sorry!
- [Arnold stops walking and shoots an unusually furious stare at him, to the sound of a discordant screech sound, before continuing on his way]
Arnold Saves SidEdit
- Grandpa Phil: You already had three helpings. Hits Oskar's hand
- Oskar: Oww, you hurt my hand. I'm going to sue you!
Arnold Visits ArnieEdit
- Rhonda: It means weird, and that's a major understatement. I mean, the boy's wearing pajamas for heaven's sake.
- Harold: And look, there have little bears on them!
- Sid: Boy howdy, talk about embarrassing!
- [Arnold blushes]
- Arnie: Lets go on a hayride. [Snorts]
- [After falling in the swimming hole]
- Arnold: Lulu, are you okay?
- Lulu: I'm oh-so-certain that I'm just fine. [sultrily] But I'd be a lot better if you'd agree to meet me later, for an ever-so-private swim...
- Arnold: Excuse me?
- Lulu: Perhaps around 8:30, when Arnie's asleep?
- Lulu: [innocently] I can't help it, Arnold. I like you-like you.
- [Lulu tries to kiss Arnold]
- Arnold: Lulu, what are you doing?!
- Lulu: I'm certain that I'm trying to kiss you.
- Arnold: Kiss me?! But you're Arnie's girlfriend! And we're nine!
- Hilda: Oh most luminous orb in indigo sky, looketh you upon my ideal guy. Oh all-knowing lunar sphere taunting from above, whilst thou never guide me to my one true love- [is cut off by Arnold tripping over her]
- Arnold: [smiles instantly] Hi.
- Hilda: Hello.
- Arnold: Do I know you?
- Hilda: I don't think so.
- Arnold: I've never met anyone like you, Hilda, and I really like you a lot.
[Note: Hilda is essentially a version of Helga without her bullying exterior, therefore Arnold actually does like the "real" Helga.]
- Oskar: Suzie, make me a sandwich.
- Suzie: In a minute, Oskar. I'm ironing your pants.
- Oskar: Why can't you do both at the same time?
- Suzie: Oh, Oskar.
- Oskar: What?
- Suzie: You know how much I have to do. Why can't you just help out a little bit? You know my cousin Nancy is going to be here any minute with her baby.
- Oskar: I just want a sandwich.
- Suzie: When Nancy gets here with the baby, I want to know that I can count on your help. It'll be a lot of work having a baby in the house, you know.
- Oskar: Come on, Suzie. Make me a sandwich.
Suzie is seen playing with Baby Oskar.
- Suzie: Oskar. Oskar.
- Oskar: What?!
- Suzie: I was talking to the baby.
- Oskar: Uhh. Suzie, I'm hungry. Make me a sandwich.
- Suzie: I can't right now. I have to give the baby a bath.
- Oskar: What for? It's not going any place.
- Suzie: Oh, Oskar.
- Oskar: What? All I want is a sandwich.
- Suzie: As long as the baby's here, he's going to have to come first.
- Oskar: But Suzie, what about me?
Later, Oskar is seen playing his saxophone, which causes Baby Oskar to cry openly.
- Suzie: Oskar, please!
- Oskar: What? I have to practice.
- Suzie: You're not the only person in this house. All you ever think about is yourself.
- Oskar: What's wrong with that?
Oskar drinks a milk carton, while Baby Oskar begins to cry which causes Oskar to spit out his milk.
- Oskar: Oh, Suzie, it's crying again.
- Suzie: Well, then pick him up and hold him for a minute.
- Oskar: I'm not gonna pick it up; it smells.
- Suzie: He probably needs a new diaper. Can you just--?
- Oskar: Oh, come on, Suzie. That's disgusting.
- Suzie: There is nothing disgusting about it; it's perfectly natural. And stop calling him "it". He's not an "it"; he's a "he", and his name is Oskar.
- Oskar: That's another thing; it took my name. And now every time you say "Oskar", I think you're talking to me, but it's always that little brat.
- Baby Oskar reaches for Oskar's milk.
- Oskar: Get your own.
Oskar and Susie are arguing over Oskar's inability to grow up and start acting responsible. He responds with his classic line "I'll do it tomorrow."
- Suzie: Oh sure it’s a good day for you! Tomorrow’s a grand day for you because tomorrow is the day you get a job! Tomorrow is the day you pay the bills, tomorrow is the day you grow up and start acting responsible. But tomorrow never comes for you, does it, Oskar? Because it’s so conveniently a day away!
- Oskar: Right, it’s always a day away, just like the song that little orphan girl sings.
Back to SchoolEdit
- Principal Wartz: Young man, I was beginning to wonder if you want to finish grade school.
- Phil: [imitating Wartz] Young man, I was beginning to wonder if you want to finish grade school.
- Principal Wartz: Pardon me?
- Phil: Pardon me?
- Principal Wartz: Stop repeating what I say!
- Phil: Stop repeating what I say!
- Principal Wartz: That's it!
- Phil: That's it!
- Principal Wartz: [to a tough Grandpa Phil] Report to detention after the final bell.
- Phil: Report THIS, Wartz! [pulls the fire alarm and walks off]
- Principal Wartz: [turns off the alarm] That's it, I'm calling his parents!
- Arnold: Why are you skipping school and acting tough and getting in trouble?
- Grandpa Phil: Cause...
- Arnold: Cause why?
- Grandpa Phil: Because...
- Arnold: Because why, Grandpa? (sternly) I want to know why and I want to know right now.
- Grandpa Phil I'm gonna run for President. Pookie, you can be my campaign manager. What's our slogan?
- Pookie: Melts in your mouth, not in your hand.
- Grandpa Phil: Pookie, you're fired. Arnold! You can be my campaign manager.
- Arnold: [Sighs] Grandpa...
- Grandpa Phil I want that diploma!
- Arnold: Then let's go get it.
- Grandpa Phil: Right after my nap!
Bag of MoneyEdit
- Grandpa Phil: [trying to cheer Arnold up] We'll grow old together... Oh, wait a minute, I'm already old! Well, okay, so you'll grow old alone with no one to talk to and nothing to come to, except your fun memories and... [Arnold gets sad] ...me and... I'm not helping, am I?
- Helga: [Thinking after Arnold picks a daisy for her] Arnold just gave me a flower! I think I'm gonna die!
- Helga :What is this clear wall blocking us from outside?
- Arnold: :It's a door. I'll get it for you.
- Helga :Whatever is this contraption, Andrew?
- Arnold :It's a water fountain. You drink from it. [Helga pushes the button and water comes out]
- Helga: I like to drink.
- Arnold: I'm telling you, Rhonda, I really don't know anything about fashion.
- Rhonda :[reading fashion magazine] Hmmm. Okay, tell me this: do red and orange go together?
- Arnold :Uhhh...
- Rhonda: Of course not. You know that, and I know that. But try to tell that to Nadine — she doesn't listen.
- Nadine: (to Rhonda) Then, we're not friends anymore!
- Arnold: [on the phone to Nadine] Hang on, I've got another call.
[Takes other call, it's from Rhonda]
- Rhonda: I knew it. You're talking to her, aren't you, Arnold? What is she saying about me? I kept hearing this little click and I knew you were on the other line, to her, talking behind my back. Nadine was always jealous. She's jealous, isn't she, Arnold?
- Grandpa Phil: There comes a time in every youngster's life when he's ready to take on Big Caesar! And you boys... well, you're not ready yet, but I'm tired of waitin'.
- Gerald: [about the last boat available for a fishing contest] There is no way we're fishing in a swan boat. [next frame] I can't believe we're fishing in a swan boat.
- Gino: [Seeing Sid come in with Arnold] I see you brought your lawyer.
- Helga: No electricity? No T.V.? No popcorn? No deal! I'm out of here.
- Arnold: Hey, if you can't tough it out for 24 hours, than maybe you should leave.
- Helga: Oh, so you don't think I'm tough enough, is that it, Bio Boy? Well, I'll show you, I can stand be anywhere for 24 hours. Even locked in a controlled environment, with you!
Buses, Bikes, and SubwaysEdit
- [After Helga discovers a pay phone nearby]
- Helga: [to Harold] So how much money do you got? [Harold shows Helga two quarters in his hand] Enough for one call each. Hello, Mom! It's me, Helga! I'm stuck at the chocolate factory with a moron. The school bus left us here and we don't have any way to get back. Oh, please pick up, Miriam. [Helga hangs up the phone]
- Harold: [dials the pay phone] Hello? Mommy, it's me, Harold.
- Caesar :I never heard of you! Don't call me again!
- Harold: [hangs up phone] Dialed the wrong number.
- Helga: Just brilliant. You don't even know your own phone number.
- Harold: Hey, look! The subway! We're saved!
- Helga: Yeah, great idea, genius. Only one little problem — it costs money to take the subway, and we don't have any.
- Harold: Then we'll just jump the gate. No one ever gets caught. Come on! [gets stuck on the turnstile entrance]
- Cop: Hey! You two kids! Come back here!
- [Helga pushes Harold through, while they both run into the moving subway, eluding the cop]
- Harold: [relieved] Oh! [sighs] That was close. Oh, I think I'm going to be sick!
- Helga: "No one ever gets caught."
- Helga: [to Earl] Hey Mister, wake up!
- Earl: What? Who goes there?
- Helga: Can you give us a ride into town?
- Harold: There some crazy midget clowns that want to kill us!
- Earl: Midget clowns eh? Arr!
- Helga: [Harold has begun to hug her] Get off of me, you big whale!
- Helga: Everything that happened today was your fault. You can't do anything right! Take the bus for example. Why do you think we missed it, Harold? Oh, let's see, hmm... maybe it was because you were too busy eating twice your body weight in Chocolate Num-Nums! Oh, how about this one? Let's take the subway, I think it goes to Lincoln. Oh wait, no it doesn't, it goes straight to the bowels of the underworld!! Population homicidal, toothless, midget clowns!! I know, let's steal their bike, they won't mind. Now, you'd think that would be enough to fill any moron's day, but you're not just any moron, are you, Harold? You're the king!! Your day's just getting started. So, because of your amazing curiosity about the world around us, you pulled the plug out of the bottom of our getaway boat!!! You idiot.
- Ernie's poem "Knocked Down" :I knocked down my share of buildings and leveled a lot of place
- And've seen the miserable looks on the former occupants faces.
- If you kick us out, Grandpa, we'll be really angry and sad,
- On account that living right here has been the best time most of us has ever had.
- Chocolate Boy: I need chocolate, where's the chocolate, I gotta have chocolate...
- Edmund: Whoa! Chocolate Boy doesn't want chocolate? Pinch me, I'm dreaming. [Wolfgang pushes Edmund to the ground]
- [Chocolate Boy knocks on Arnold's front door, and Arnold opens it]
- Chocolate Boy: Arnold, I need your help. I need to get enough chocolate, no more chocolate.
- Arnold: You realize, Chocolate Boy. And we had this conversation once before.
- Chocolate Boy: I know, but I'm serious this time. I need to get enough chocolate. I mean, dancing for malted milk balls and digging in dumpsters. I'm like a clown, a chocolate clown. Will you help me, please?
- Arnold: Well... You didn't bet Wolfgang, did you?
- Arnold: So, it sounds like the reason you eat chocolate is because you miss your nanny.
- Chocolate Boy: Yes! Yes! I miss my nanny. I miss my nanny.
- Arnold: It's okay that you miss your nanny. But eating chocolate is not going to bring her back.
- Chocolate Boy: I know. I know.
- Arnold: She told you to be good and to be happy. What would your nanny think if she saw you now, eating chocolate out of dumpsters? And dancing for malted milk balls?
- Chocolate Boy: She wouldn't like it, 'cause I'm not being good and I'm not happy.
- Arnold: Why fight it? It's working.
- Arnold: Maybe you should try using psychology.
- Coach Wittenberg: Hmmm. Psycho-ology, eh?
- Harold: I bet Rhonda thinks I'm a geek because I'm fat and loud and OBNOXIOUS!
- Curly: And I'll bet she thinks I'm a geek 'cause my dad cuts my hair with a bowl!
- Sid: I bet she thinks I'm a geek because of my huge nose!
- Stinky: It's not that huge, Sid.
- Sid: Thanks, Stinky, but you're just saying that because you've got the biggest honker in the whole city. No offence.
- Stinky: None taken.
- Harold: [After hearing Phoebe's explanation of a geek] Bite the head off a chicken?!
- Eugene: But that's totally unfair! None of us bite off chicken heads... well, except for Curly.
- Curly: Yeah! And that was just the one time!
- [the kids are thinking of ideas for something to do]
- Harold: I say we all go over and crash Rhonda's party and eat all her food!
- Kids: YEAH!!!
- Helga: Well, I say we get a carload of horse manure and leave it on her porch!
- Kids: YEAH!!!
- Curly: I say we paint ourselves with tiger stripes, and go free all the animals in the zoo!
- [Everyone stares at him]
- Helga: [sarcastically] Fine, Curly. We'll meet you there in an hour. [Curly runs away cackling] Poor twisted little freak.
- Gerald: Hey, Arnold! Back from the cool party already?
- Arnold: Yeah. Basically it stunk. So I left.
- Gerald: Wanna go do something?
- Arnold: But I thought you had plans tonight?
- Gerald: Nah, I just made that up so you wouldn't feel bad about goin' to Rhonda's party. You wanna go throw rocks at Helga throwing rocks at a dumpster?
- Arnold: Sure.
- Harold: Geek party at Arnold's house!
- Curly: Ahhhhaaa free all the animals Ahhhhhhaaaa!
- Agatha Caulfield: Holy Crackers!
Crush on TeacherEdit
- Gerald: Why are you reading this junk? [teases] Oh, right, you have a crush on Miss Felter...
- Arnold: I like poetry, it has nothing to do with her.
- Gerald: Right. Later, man.
- [Gerald walks away]
- Arnold: Oh soft, what light from yonder window breaks? It is the east... [Gerald pauses] ... and... Miss Felter is the sun.
- Gerald: [In disgust] That's it, now I'm pukin'.
- Gerald: You set a beautiful table, my fair señÑorita. [purrs]
- Arnold: Do I have to purr?
- Gerald: Yes, chicks dig the purr!
- Arnold: [To Miss Felter after Gerald's voice is heard through the walkie talkie that is in Arnold's pants] Sometimes my pants... they talk.
- Arnold: You set a beautiful table, my fair señorita.
- Miss Felter: Muchas gracias.
- Arnold: Aw, enchilada.
[Curly has locked himself in Principal Wartz's office]
- Principal Wartz: What do you possibly think you're doing?
- Curly: I'm not opening this door! I'm not coming out! I'm mad as heck, and I'm not going to take it any more!
- Principal Wartz: What are you talking about?
- Curly: Turns out I am not the ball monitor this week. I wanted the responsibility. Oh, I could taste it. And I'm not having a fine day, in fact, something has gone terribly, terribly wrong!
- Curly: Then later in class, Harold answered the bonus question that I was about to answer. Harold stole the question from me! Another injustice.
- Harold: No fair! He let me answer that question!
- Mr. Simmons: Curly, you let Harold answer that question.
- [Behind the lockers]
- Arnold: I think Curly's finally snapped.
- Gerald: No kidding.
- [In the bathroom]
- Sid: You guys, Curly's snapped. He's throwing kickballs at Principal Wartz. My kickballs!
- [In the halls]
- Helga: Hahaha. It's finally happened. Our demented Curly has gone over the edge.
- [In the halls]
- Peapod Kid: Curly? Snapped? How terrible. Terribly sad.
- [In the library]
- Campfire Lass: There's a grand brouhaha outside Principal Wartz's office. LET'S GO!
- Curly: [throwing a ball at Mr. Simmons] Save your new ageisms for the saps, Granola Boy!
- Curly: Heeeeere's Curly!
- Principal Wartz: [To Curly] Okay, what are your demands?
- Curly: My demands? Okay, I'll tell you my demands! I, I want two Yahoo sodas and, and a meatball sub!
- Harold: What happened?
- Helga: Any bloodshed?
- Mr Simmons: I think we all learned a valuable lesson from this.
- Helga: Yep - don't ever trust the quiet ones. They'll go bonkers and hole up in the principal's office.
- Curly: Oh, you pretty princess. Your mink is so soft, so inviting...
- Rhonda: Ugh, get away from me, you creep!
- Curly: Tonight's our night, Rhonda. I can feel it in the air!
- Rhonda: Listen, you slimy piece of ick. I don't like you! So stop touching my coat with your grimy hands!
- Curly: I just want to be closer to you, Rhonda. I want to be your boyfriend.
- Rhonda: Boyfriend? I will never, ever have anything to do with you, Curly, ever!
[Rhonda has stained her mother's birthday mink coat, and Curly offers to help for a price.]
- Curly: Here's the deal: Curly cleans the fur, and you, Rhonda, all you have to do is pretend to be Curly's girlfriend for a week.
- Rhonda: Gross! No way, absolutely not!
- Curly: You want a clean fur, don't you? It's either Curly, or facing your parents with a red-stained coat.
- Rhonda: What do I have to do?
- Curly: After you get the clean mink to your parents, you put on a good show at school that you're my girl, til' three o'clock on Friday.
- Rhonda: Nine o'clock.
- Curly: Two o'clock.
- Rhonda: Ten o'clock.
- Curly: Twelve noon.
- Rhonda: Deal. [They shake hands] Twelve noon, I get to dump you?
- Curly: Sure, Friday at noon. That is, if you haven't fallen completely in love with me by then.
- Rhonda: As if.
- Curly: So let's review. When I say "Rhonda, my love", you say "Yes, cutie pie". And when I do this...[rubs his hair]
- Rhonda: I know. I say "You and me, baby, you and me forever."
- Curly: Good, good. And throw in a lot of "you sweet thing" and "how can I deny our love" and "Curly, I'm so lucky to be your girl".
- Rhonda: [Groans] My life is over.
- Curly: Come on, sweetie. You'll see by the end of the week that I'll grow on you, and you'll want to be my girlfriend.
- Curly: I have a special present for you that I want you to wear.
- Rhonda: There is no way I'm wearing that shirt. [Next frame, Rhonda is wearing a shirt which has "Curly's Girl" written on it] I can't believe I'm wearing this shirt.
- Rhonda: Oh, please. Now we're supposed to feel sorry for Curly?
[Helga and Phoebe are watching as Curly paints a heart on his arm reading "4 Ever Rhonda"]
- Helga: Criminy, what a pathetic display.
- Phoebe: I'm afraid I have to agree, Helga.
- Helga: Guess Miss Rich and Fancy over there really did a number on him.
- Rhonda: May I borrow the black paint, Helga?
- Helga: Perfect. It'll match the color of your heart.[Holds up a paper plate with a black heart painted on it]
- Rhonda: Excuse me?
- Helga: You heard me, Cruella.
- Rhonda: Unbelievable!
- Curly: So how about giving me a lock of your hair to keep under my pillow?
- Rhonda: Ugh, that is unbelievably GROSS!
- Curly: Is it? Or does it thrill you?
[Horrified, Rhonda runs down the street, Curly chasing her and laughing.]
- Rhonda: Stop! You're crazy! Get away from me!
- [Harold gets hit by Arnold's ball]
- Gerald: Say something, big boy.
- Harold: Easy squeezy, lemon peasy.
- Helga: [Calls to someone off screen] Medic.
- Ernie: Ow! That baseball hit me right in the head!
- Mickey Kaline: You got dangerous lumber, kid!
- Mickey Kaline: It's not the hot dog!
- Arnold: We could take the crosstown bus.
- Helga: You mean that one?
- [The bus goes right by them without stopping]
- Harold: Well, we could walk.
- Helga: WALK?! It'll take days! We'll freeze to death! We'll be eaten by pigeons, or worse... eaten by RATS! [shudders] I hate rats!
- [about riding the subway]
- Gerald: Sun goes down, stay above ground.
- Helga: There is no way I'm taking the subway. [next frame] I can't believe I'm taking the subway.
- Gerald: The train stopped!
- Helga: No kidding, Einstein.
- Grandma: [on the stuck subway car] I'm the only ex-cop in this town brave enough to take on this job.
- Hobo: [Repeated line] GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
- Claustrophobic Woman: [repeating over and over] Big open spaces.
- Conductor: [through PA system calmly] Passengers, it may just be a matter of minutes or hours [panicking] OR DAYS OR WEEKS [calmly] before the search and rescue team finds our [panicking] FORGOTTEN EXTRACTED SUBWAY CAR...
- Grubby man: Wait a minute! Wait a minute, everybody! I got something to say!
- Helga: We know. We know.
- Everyone: Get out of your house.
- Grubby man: No, no, not that. I got something else to say…
- Rhonda: Okay, Curly, I admit it. I'm your secret admirer. And the truth is, no matter how hard I try and fight it, [reading off her hand] I'm really, really wild about you. In fact, I've fallen crazy in love. So what do you say? How does that make you feel?
- Curly: [dips Rhonda] Give Daddy some sugar. [Kisses Rhonda]
- Helga: [Trying to convince Arnold to help people again] Look at me, I'm terrible at giving advice. I have no moral conscience whatsoever. If you won't do this for me, do it for your stupid friends out there. Trust me, they're completely lost without you.
Dinner for FourEdit
- Phoebe: Well, I suppose the only solution would be to tell the manager the truth.
- Helga: That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard in my entire life!
- Helga: [after weasling out of paying a dinner bill] There is no way I'm gonna go back in there, tell them the truth, and wind up washing dishes. [next frame] I can't believe I told them the truth, and I wound up washing dishes.
- [as Harold and Rhonda are assigned to partner up taking care of an "egg baby"]
- Harold: Come on, Rhonda, you know you like me!
- Rhonda: [nervously] Where in the world would you get a ridiculous idea like that?
- Harold: Remember that time at the Cheese Festival, when you jumped...
- Rhonda: [claps a hand over Harold's mouth] I thought I told you never to mention that night ever again.
- [after when Harold showed Rhonda their egg that has tape all over it]
- Rhonda: What did you do, Harold!?
- Harold: Nothing.
- Rhonda: Harold, this is not our egg. This — I don't even know what this is. What did you do with Courtney?
- Harold: Uh, I, Uh... Oh! I was hungry!
- Rhonda: You...ate...our...baby?
- [Harold belches]
- Stinky: What the heck is "Eugene Eugene," Eugene?
- Mr. Leichliter: The role of Betty will be done by Lila Sawyer, and the part of Lawrence goes to Arnold... hmmm, I can't even read my own handwriting.
- Harold: I love this contest! I love eating! Wait, I think I ate too fast. Oh, oh, my belly hurts. AAAAH! Mommy! Please, somebody help!
- Helga: What did your grandmother stuff these with, Football Head? socks?
Arnold and Eugene enter the boy's restroom while Eugene carries Henry's goldfish bowl with Henry's deceased body floating on top of the water.
- Arnold: You've gotta do it, Eugene, it's time.
- Eugene: (depressingly) Goodbye, Henry.
Eugene is about to flush Henry's deceased body down the toilet, but he refuses to do it.
- Eugene: (tearfully) Oh, I can't do it, Arnold, (he sobs a bit.) I've had Henry ever since he was a little baby goldfish.
- Arnold: I'll flush it for you, here.
- Eugene: Wait!
- Mr. Hyunh: I like to work in the restaurant.
- Ernie Potts: I'm telling you, we could pull this off.
- Suzie Kokoshka: I suppose I could be Mrs. Hyunh for just one night.
- Ernie Potts: And I'll be his brother, Edwin. Arnold will be his son, Grandpa will be his father.
- Grandma: [coming in from the kitchen] And I'll be Mary, Queen of Scots!
- Grandpa: Pookie, you just stay out of the way.
- Man: Who are you?
- Grandma: Why, I'm Mr. Hyunh's sister. And I'm also Mary, Queen of Scots. cackles
- Game Show Host: And from PS. 118, meet Arnold and his family. Phil, Pookie, Ernie, and and Mr. Heeee-yun!
- Mr. Hyunh: It's H-WIN!!
- Ernie: One more comment, Hyunh, and I'll give you a knuckle sandwich, plenty with mustard!
- Grandpa: I'll give you both a knuckle sandwich!
- Grandma: That's odd, I don't remember packing any sandwiches.
- Ernie: Oh, good one, Hyunh!
- Mr. Hyunh: You push me!
- Ernie: Yeah! Well, Gramps stepped on my toe!
- Grandpa: I did not! This is stepping on your toe! [steps on Ernie's foot]
- Mr. Hyunh: Pluto, Pluto!
- Ernie: Not Pluto, Pluton! You idiot!
- Brainy: Huhhh... Huhh... Hi.
- Contest Lady: And the winner is Arnold... there seems to be a smudge over the last name.
- Stinky: That must be you, Arnold, on the count that you're the only kid named Arnold in this whole danged school.
- Eugene: [Sounding happy] Hey, look, it's a cute little bear! And he's got my sleeping bag!
- Grandpa Phil: [Spotted a dead owl] Aw, look, a dead owl. Breakfast!
- Eugene: I just know we'll wake up tomorrow to a better day!
- Harold: *farts*
- Gerald: If we make it till tomorrow.
- Mr. Berman: My knees are weak.
- Grandpa Phil: My knees are fake.
- Grandpa Phil: Oh! Let's just fish for the Halibut!
- Oskar: Ghost? I don't believe in ghosts. I'm not the least bit superstitious.
- Susie: [From inside] What do you mean you're not superstitious? You keep a horse shoe in your pants.
- Oskar: Don't mock my families traditions!
- Oskar: I know, let's catch him and sell him to the circus!
- Four-Eyed Jack: Um...boo!
Garold: [after Jack disappear] Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
Friday the 13thEdit
- Grandma: Happy Friday the thirteenth!
- Gerald: [sees black cats] That's not exactly the sign I was looking for.
- Arnold: They're probably Grandma's cats. She's…uh…collecting them…
- Gerald: Collecting them?
- Arnold: Don't ask…
Gerald Comes OverEdit
- Timberly: Hey, look! I'm Timberly the Pink Ranger!
- Arnold: Okay, Gerald, we're almost there. Now at times the things you see may confuse or even frighten you. But just remember, everyone is essentially harmless.
- Gerald: Arnold, relax. I've been here before. Besides, how weird can your house be?
- Gerald: [about Ernie] Man, he was creepy.
- Arnold: Ya, and he likes you.
- Arnold: [As Susie's throwing all her stuff into the hall] Stand by for pottery!
Gerald Moves OutEdit
- [Upset over washing Gerald's clothes]
- Mr Hyunh: This lint is your lint. [in high pitch voice] I'm not your Mother!
- Gerald: Okay, I’m sorry. [Gerald leaves the room]
- Mr. Hyunh: I am not his mother!
- Phoebe My Gerald... your performance was... inspiring!
- Mr Simmons: You know, Gerald, if you're still recovering from your tonsilectomy, you could consider giving your part to somebody else for Friday's concert.
- Stinky: Now there's an idea!
- Gerald: No! I'll be fine! Hey man, this part means a lot to me. Don't give it away to somebody else!
- Stinky: I still got my tonsils. In fact, I got four of 'em! I'm a freak of nature!
- Mr Simmons and Gerald: STINKY!
- Grandpa: (looking through a photo album) Heh Heh Heh, there’s Gertie rolling me in honey and staking me on top of an ant hill. (Arnold is seen walking up the stairs) That mischievous, pigtailed little imp. Oh mercy.
- Arnold: Hey Grandpa.
- Grandpa: Why, if it isn’t young Arnold home from his day at school. How come you’re all covered in paint?
- Arnold: Helga poured it on me. So I poured some on her.
- Grandpa:(Stands up) What! Oh my word, you’ve snapped Arnold! You’ve turned into some kind of vicious, paint-pouring thug. (Arnold rolls eyes) I don’t know what to think about you any more. Why didn’t you follow your instincts like I told you?
- Arnold: I did Grandpa.
- Grandpa: I wasn't talking about those instincts. I meant your good ones.
- Arnold: I know, Grandpa. I feel terrible. What should I do?
- Grandpa: Well, you may be stuck with this girl for a long time, you better try and make peace.
- Arnold: Yeah, I'm gonna call Helga and apologize.
- Big Bob: Hey, Helga, it's your little friend, Alfred, on the phone!
- Helga: Arnold? Calling me? At my house?
- Big Bob: Yeah, yeah, Arnold. Whatever. Anyway, he's on the phone for you!
- Helga: Oh, Arnold! So kind, so just, so moral! [is twirling around while the telephone cord is wrapping around her] You couldn't help but return to the ways I know and love. [she sighs and falls to the floor with a loud thump, Big Bob hears the fall from downstairs]
- Arnold: Helga?? Are you there??
- [Helga is on the floor wrapped in her telephone cord]
- Helga: [sarcastically] Yeah, yeah! An agreement sounds great. Have my people call your people and we'll draw up the papers! Yeah, in your dreams, football head! Like I'm ever going to agree with you about anything! And don't ever call me at my house ever again!!! EVER!!! [sighs and Big Bob opens her bedroom door and looks down to her confused, Helga looks up at him and laughs sheepishly]
- Big Bob: I'm not even gonna ask... [leaves her room]
- Stinky: How about the Muave Avenger?
- Arnold: We are not calling our go-cart, the Muave Avenger. [Scene changes] I can't believe we called our go-cart the Muave Avenger.
- Edmund: Hey, when do I get to drive?
- Wolfgang: You get to drive, uh... NEVER!
- [Eugene has come in second.]
- Stinky: But we didn't win.
- Eugene: But I didn't crash!
- Stinky: But we didn't win.
- [At the end of the credits]
- [Grandpa believes he has died]
- Grandpa: Well, that's it. I must be in heaven. Oh, no! Oskar's here! This must be the other place!
- Arnold: No, Grandpa, you're still with us. Good morning, Grandpa.
- Grandpa Phil: What's so good about it?
- Grandpa Phil: And I'm about to go fishing with my favorite grandson!
- Arnold: I'm your only grandson.
- Grandpa Phil: Uh-huh...
- Arnold: Grandpa, you can't jettison Aunt Mitzi out the second-floor window!
- Arnold: Helga, are you OK? Say something!
- Helga: [Dazed from being hit in the head with a golf ball] Oh, Arnold, I'm fine as long as you're near me! Your honest eyes, so full of concern, and love-
- Bob: Helga, what is wrong with you? That ball was headed straight for the cup! This could cost me the whole game!
- Helga: [Instantly back to normal] I'm fine, Bob, thanks for asking.
- Grandpa Phil: Ohh, I hit a birdie, that's terrible!
[Phoebe has just been shoved into a locker when other kids ran past her, in spite of just being made hall monitor.]
- Helga: Phoebe, are you OK? Phoebe! Say something!
- Phoebe: I quit.
- Phoebe: I don't really want to be this bossy scary selfish emotionally challenged person, who has to order people around just to get respect!
- Helga: [Oblivious] Who'd want to be like that?
- Gerald: You know that monster truck show this afternoon? Wish we could go.
- Arnold: Can't, got detention.
- Gerald: Yeah, me, too. Look at these! One for walking too fast, one for walking too slow, one for turning a corner too sharply, one for turning too wide, one for squeaky shoes, one for suspiciously quiet shoes. And these are from this morning. [Tosses them on the floor]
- [Phoebe writes another ticket and gives it to Gerald]
- Gerald: What's this for?
- Phoebe: One for littering.
[Phoebe has just given Helga a detention ticket]
- Helga: Phoebe, get real. Helga Pataki doesn't do detentions. Besides, I've got tickets to the monster truck show. I was gonna take you.
- Phoebe: No, you get real, Pataki. You're the one who told me not to let anyone push me around. Well, I'm not letting anyone push me around, and that includes you. And one more thing, I despise monster truck shows.
- Helga: When I told you not to let anyone push you around, I didn't mean me!
- Helga: You're a controlling, hall monitoring bully!
- Phoebe: You say that like it's a bad thing.
- Helga: Phoebe, over the last week, you've screamed at kids in the halls, you've rationed water at the drinking fountain...you've given out more tickets than a lottery! I mean, look around! Half of our class is sitting here in detention!
- Phoebe: So what? I'm just acting like you.
- Helga: Look in that reflection, what do you see?
- (Phoebe looks at herself in the reflection and her refection turns into a copy of Helga)
- Phoebe: (Screams)
- Helga: Hey, it's not that scary.
- Phoebe: Yes it is! I've lost the old Phoebe!
Harold's Bar MitzvahEdit
- Harold's Friends In Harold's Dream: (To Harold Repeatedly) Be A Man!
- Danny: [Describing his mother] She's tall and has... hair! Wah-wah!
- Harold: Don't shoot! I'm just a kid with a cat!
Harold vs. PattyEdit
- Harold: [after hearing Sid and Stinky make fun of him after losing to Patty] So what if I lost to a girl? Patty's the best arm wrestler in the whole city, and she's my friend! I'm proud to lose to her, and if anyone has a problem with that, I'll pound them!
- [Harold headbutts Sid and Stinky]
- Sid, Stinky: Ow!
- Stinky: [telling his scary story] This here yarn of a horror is about the ever-frighting: Monkeycat. In the dingy laboratory of the despicable Dr. Mischief, there lived an old furry cat. One day, the cat snuck into the cage of a frisky monkey and got himself caught. Dr Mischief watched as the monkey and the cat began to fight, they became entangled together and that's when the evil doctor got his big idea. He cut off the monkey's head and sewed on the cat's body and invented...Monkeycat!
- Gerald: Monkeycat?
- Stinky: Monkeycat!
- Gerald: What's so scary about that?
- Stinky: It's a banana eating milk drinking horror monster, Monkeycat!
- Harold: [throws his pillow at Stinky's face] That's not scary! That's stupid!
Helga and the NannyEdit
- Miriam: I just have to go to work... somewhere.
- [Mocking Big Bob, bowing theatrically]
- Helga: All hail the Beeper King!
- Inge: Helga!
- Arnold: Helga, are those flowers in your hair?
- Helga: Yeah, you got a problem with it?
- Stinky: Wow, Helga, you look just like the girl on the box of hot chocolate.
- Phoebe: You set her up on purpose?
- Arnold: Can't believe you do something that mean.
- (All The Kids At The School Playground Leave Helga Alone And Have Their Lunch Elsewhere)
- Helga: Hey, she was ruining my life!
[Helga has been sleepwalking, Phoebe following and Helga has just woken up on Arnold's fire escape after confessing everything, although Arnold has only just woken up.]
- Arnold: What are you guys doing?
- Helga: Doing? What does it look like we're doing, Hair Boy? We're taking a walk.
- Arnold: Taking a walk on my fire escape?
- Helga: That's right, Football Head. On your fire escape. It's a free country, we can walk wherever we feel like. Right, Phoebe?
- Phoebe: Uh, right!
- Helga: Let's go.
- Arnold: Whatever you say, Helga.
- Helga: This whole thing, it never happened.
- Phoebe: Forgetting!
Helga vs. Big PattyEdit
- Helga:So the thing is, Patty, I realized you're a human being too, and you have felines...? ooh, ooh, feelings!
- Patty:[to Helga] Hey, don't mind me asking, but you and Arnold...Do you have some kind of thing for each other?
- Helga: What? No, I mean, are you crazy, give me a break!
- Patty: I was just asking. He's kind of cute.
- Helga: If you like football heads. [The girls exchange smiles]
- Stinky: I'll die!
- Arnold: You won't die, Stinky.
- Stinky: No, I will, I'll die! Lay down and die like an old dog.
- Helga: [quoting the new inscription inside her locket] Arnold, my soul, you are always in my heart. Love, Helga G Pataki.
- Grandpa Phil
- And you forgot your moustache!
- Helga: So I'm sitting on the couch the other night when Big Bob walks in with a bag of takeaway. Miriam, who's wearing some silky nightgown thing, takes one look at him and says "Chinese takeout? I thought you said we were gonna make out!" [laughs] Pretty funny, huh? [The other kids stare at her, finding it shocking. Lila takes Helga's arm and pulls her away] What? What'd I say?
- Harold: Ew, look, it's Helga Pataki and her big hairy caterpillar eyebrows!
- Lila: Helga, I'm certain this would be an ever so good time to practice being non-confrontational.
- Helga: [Trying not to lose her temper] Non-confrontational.
- Harold: You're so ugly, Helga! You better not sit anywhere near me, or I might lose my appetite!
[Helga smashes her tray into Harold's face]
- Harold: Ew, look, it's Helga Pataki and her big dumb billy goat ears! You better not sit anywhere near me, or I might get barf all over the place! [Cringes, expecting Helga to react violently]
- Helga: Oh, Harold, it's just ever so charming, the way you feel so comfortable just kidding around with me.
- Lila: Gosh, Helga, the progress you've made is just ever so inspiring!
- Helga: Gosh, Lila, thanks ever so much.
[Helga is dressed up as Lila]
- Lila: Helga?
- Helga: Do you like it? It's to thank you ever so much for helping me.
- Lila: [Hugs her] Gosh, Helga, I'm certain I just love it!
- Helga: [After hearing Arnold mention how he likes her when she's not mean] Okay, so he doesn't like me like me. But he does like me, and that means I'm halfway there.
- [repeating what Helga said]
- Arnold, my love.
- Pet Store Salesgirl
- Don't talk her out of [buying] it, kid. That lizard's been here so long, I'm teaching it to read.
- Miriam: [Through the door] Helga, who are you talking to, honey?
- Helga: No one! Just my...uh...imaginary friend.
- Miriam: Okay, I'll set another place at breakfast.
- Helga: Great, Mom, great.
- Parrot: Great, Mom, great.
- Helga: Are you mocking me?
- Parrot: [Quoting Helga's poem] Why must I worship you and never ever tell?
- Helga: Trust me, you won't live long enough to tell.
[Helga, hiding behind Arnold's couch, keeps making a grab for the parrot. The first time, she pulls one of Lila's braids.]
- Lila: Ow! Please don't pull my hair, Arnold.
- Arnold: Huh? I didn't pull your hair.
- Lila: Arnold, I know that you like me like me, but please, don't do it again.
- Are you makin' fun on me on account of my love for lemon puddin'?
- [Helga is doing stand-up in the school juice bar]
- My first impression is someone we all know. It's the first voice you hear in the morning, and it goes something like this:
- [imitating Principal Wartz]
- "Attention, students of P.S. 118, I have an important announcement. Henceforth, all lunch-related activities shall be conducted during the lunchtime period."
- [normal voice]
- Whoo, thanks for clearing that up, Principal Wartz.
- Harold: I can't sit next to you, Hel-ga! I might get scared and call for my mommy!
- Phoebe: Try to imagine what it would be like if it were you being made fun of, Helga.
- Helga: No one would dare try that.
- Rhonda: [imitating Helga] Out of my way, geekbait!
- Harold: Rhonda's doing Helga!
- Rhonda: [Still acting] You clowns try to make fun of me, you'll have to answer to Ol' Betsy!
- Phoebe: [Giggling She's pretty good.
- Helga: I don't sound like that...do I?
- Phoebe: See, Helga?
- What good qualities can we say about Stinky?
- Well, he floats.
- Helga: What about Arnold? Have you noticed the shape of his head? I mean, it's really wide! How does that kid get through doors? And that little blue hat. Hey Arnold, this just in, it's about a million sizes too small! And he always wears it not in the middle, oh no, but to one side of his head, like a fashion statement. Speaking of fashion statements, Arnold, what is going on with that kilt? I wasn't even aware that we were in Scotland! Rhonda, you better write Arnold a fashion ticket for that one! So clever and optimistic, isn't he? mean, haven't you all heard this? [Imitating Arnold's voice] "Come on, guys, if we all pull together and pool our resources, I just know we can achieve our goal! We really really should do it, because it's the right thing to do!"
- Well, I think girls are stupid and I think dancing stupid too, and if I ever had to dance with a girl I bet I'd drop dead.
- Stop it ma, I'm not charming and I'm not handsome — I'm a big dumb ugly kid.
[Harold and Patty are hanging out on the balcony, since Harold doesn't want to dance, and no one will dance with Patty]
- Harold: Pretty good shot.
- Patty: Thanks.
- Harold: Your eyes are kinda puffy. You been crying?
- Patty: No, what are you, crazy? I just got something in my eye.
- Harold: Well, how come you're not dancing?
- Patty: How come you're not dancing?
- Harold: 'Cause I don't like it.
- Patty: Well, I don't like it either.
- Harold: Dance is stupid, anyway.
- Patty: No kidding.
- Harold: I mean, what would be so bad if you didn't have to do with girls?
- Patty: What's wrong with girls?
- Harold: Nothing. I just don't like 'em, okay?
- Patty: You're just saying that 'cause you're a boy.
- Harold: So what if I'm a boy? What's wrong with boys?
- Patty: Nothing. Except they're stupid.
- Harold: I am not stupid! And if you say that again, I'm gonna pound you!
- Patty: You and what army?
- Harold: You know, you really bug me!
- Patty: I know why you can't dance. You're scared.
[Sid and Stinky notice Harold and Patty]
- Sid: Hey, Stinky, come over here and tell me what I'm looking at.
- Stinky: Well, I'd say it looks like Harold. Only it can't be Harold. On the count he's single with a girl.
- Sid: It is Harold. And it's not just a girl, it's Big Patty.
- Stinky: You reckon he snapped his cap?
- Sid: He must've, Stinky. What other explanation could there be?
- Harold: Stop it! You guys don't know what you're talking about. Her name's not Big Patty, she's Patty. And she's not clumsy and she's not dumb. Not only that, she's smart and she's nice and funny. I must be crazy to listen to you guys, why do I care what you think? The only thing that matters is what I think. And what I think is I like Patty! And if anybody's got a problem with that, I'll beat you up so bad it won't even be funny!
- Eh. Heheheheh! Look! It's Buddy Love! And he's going coconuts!
- Big Bob
- Not everyone is dressing like you?
- [Dressed as Helga]
- Look, everyone, I'm the it girl.
- [Hides into a trash can]
- Talk about ironic.
- [The boys board the local bus]
- Not a fifth-grader in sight.
- [Arnold spots some 5th graders in the back of the bus]
- [Points out]
- Um, Gerald?
- Except for those guys.
- Come on, let's go already, I paid for this show!
- Paid for it? It's free, you bonehead!
- Oh brother, we're living in Geeksville.
- I think he looks highly professional.
- What, are you blind? Two pigeons just flew out of his pants!
- [on the "rubber" pencil]
- It's the oldest trick in the book!
- [on disappearing box]
- What a cheap trick!
- Hey, If I'm a ghost, I can fly. Helga jumps straight on to the road
- I can't believe it. They're happy I'm gone? Everybody was supposed to miss me! This can't be happening!
- Person in Helga Costume
- [Person inside costume speaks through a voice box]
- Doy. Doy. Doy. Doy. Move it, bucko! Move it, bucko!
- [on the road]
- Oh wait, I forgot, I'm invisible.
- Somebody miss me!
- All magicians know that it takes, uh, 48 attempts to bring someone back. So finally, here she is, Helga!
(Arnold is taking Rhonda's marriage predictor test, and keeps coming up with "Helga")
- Arnold: One more time.
- Rhonda: No, Arnold! You've done the test a hundred and ten times, and it always comes out the same. You and Helga are going to get married when you grow up.
- Arnold: But that can't be right. One more time, just one more time!
- Rhonda: No! You're marrying Helga Pataki! That's final! Live with it!
- Arnold: But Rhonda!
- Oh... Arnold and I are going to be married! It’s true! He did the test 110 times, and... despite the fact that the result revolted him... it always came out the same! Me and Arnold... MARRIED! Oh, it’s FATE! This is... wonderful...
- [Arnold & Gerald head toward Arnold’s house]
- This is HORRIBLE!
- [in her closet]
- I’m going to marry Arnold! It’s like a dream!
- [in his room, ready to sleep]
- It’s like a nightmare!
- [in her bed]
- The one boy I’ve always hoped I would marry!
- One girl I NEVER WANNA marry! EVER!
- Arnold... Arnold... kisses her Arnold locket
- I’m not going to marry Helga... I’m not going to marry Helga...
- [In Arnold's dream, the bride is approaching...]
- Look sharp. Here comes your bride!
- [SHE'S the bride]
- No such luck, football-head!
- Say, "I do"
- But, I don't.
- You do.
- I don't.
- You don't.
- I do.
- Do you, Helga, take Arnold to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love, honor, and cherish till death do you part?
- You got it, padre! I mean, I do.
- You are the most beautiful girl in the world. Your eyes are like shining diamonds.
- Aww, go on.
- All right, I'll stop.
- No, I mean go on, go on.
- Lila: Oh, Arnold, I'm oh so sorry! I know you're on your honeymoon, it's just that I can't deny my feelings any more. I know that you loved me once, and I've realized that I love you too, just ever so much!
- Arnold: Lila, please! You know I'm married to Helga, the one true love of my life. I liked you liked you once, but that's over. Now I just like you, understand? I like you.
- Lila: Oh, but Arnold!
- Helga: You heard him, sister! [Pushes Lila's boat away, it leaks and begins sinking]
- Lila: I'll win you back, Arnold, I'll win you back, somehow. Wait...I just remembered, I can't swim...
- [In Arnold's dream]
- I guess you could say I love, I love...
- Hey Arnold! Hey Arnold! Hey Arnold! Hey Arnold!
- (Helga in another moment of dramatic lovesickness)
Arnold, my love, though I shun you in public, berating you, and insulting you, tis only to hide my true feelings of love and adoration (sighs) oh when will I find the strength to express my strange, but nearly uncontrollable affections for you? Hopefully not today or tomorrow because it would be embrassing and humiliating, but perhaps someday in the distant future...yes someday. (punches an upside down Brainy's face sticking out of a treehole.)
- [About the monkey]
- Doesn't it do anything else?
- [Later, in Helga's dream where she's the monkey]
- Lady Observer
- Can't she do anything else?!
- I think you're... okay. I mean, you're a real okay, guy, and I think you're okay.
- [Smiles and pats her on the arm]
- Thanks, Helga, you're okay, too. Leaves
- He thinks I'm okay and he touched me!
- [Scene changes to outside]
- Helga: And I'm not a monkey!
- [As a monkey]
- Arnold, I love you, but I never had the guts to tell you.
- But you're not Helga, you're a monkey, a monkey girl.
Mr. Hyunh Goes CountryEdit
- But you see, Arnold and tall hair boy, I don’t want to be famous! I want to live my life simply! I like my banana wallpaper, I like doing my own laundry! Just give me the simple things!
(Lila has just answered a question in class)
- Phoebe: But...but I knew that!
- Don't worry, Daddy, we still have that can of beans in the fridge.
- Mr. Sawyer
- No, we don't, I ate them for lunch! Cries
- [about Lila]
- Well, everything's back to normal.
- She's Little Miss Perfect again.
- She's funny and smart, and pretty and popular.
- And you know what the worst part is? I like her.
- Rhonda and Phoebe
- Yeah, me too.
- We'll meet you tomorrow... on the gridiron. Leaves
- What's a gridiron?
- [Off-screen, whispers]
- Shut up...
- We're going to beat them?
- Sorry, I got carried away.
- Nice going head boy, now we're all going to get carried away, On stretchers! They're fifth graders! They older, bigger, more brutal.
- Size isn't everything Helga, maybe we're smarter.
- Smarter, being smarter doesn't have to do with anything with football.
- [Kids groan while doing push-ups.]
- [Kids groan while doing push-ups.]
- 99! Come on! Get up! Walk it off. Let's go! We're going to practice everyday until I start seeing some improvement. And let's start thinking positively, think like winners, you bunch of losers.
- [Harold vomits]
- Any questions?
- Ahh, I just throw up my protein drink! Vomits again
Olga Gets EngagedEdit
- [when she hears about Olga getting married]
- No, Olga! Don't make the same mistake I made!
- Oh man, this guy's a total liar! If Olga marries him, her life will be ruined... Perfect!
- "So what's the stinkin' rush all about? get married in a year, if you still want to."
- "You won't want to."
- "Mommy, Daddy, please don't be harsh............"
- "It's okay, darling, you're parents just need time to adjust."
- "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you little twist top, Big Bob Pataki doesn't adjust, you got it?"
- "Daddy, it's not fair to have Olga choose between her true love........and us."
- Olga (tearfully)
- "Helga's right, Daddy, you're being an awful brute, and Mommy, you're not even trying to like Doug.......I am so.......miserable."
(Olga runs off crying and weeping to her bedroom)
- "If I play my cards right I can get rid of Olga for good."
On the LamEdit
- I done went and sat on my hot sauce and now I gots hot pants!
- [Pretending to be a hobo, he gets asked if he's seen Harold, Stinky, and Sid]
- No sir, and we don't know nothing about some police station!
- We can't go to the authorities, we blew up the authorities!
- Harold, Sid, and Stinky
- WE BLEW UP THE POLICE STATION!!!!! Waaaaaah!!!!!
- No, you nimrods! I did!
Oskar Can't Read?Edit
- Kitty, kitty, kitty, do you like to pet the kitty? I like to pet the kitty! Hey look! I'm petting the kitty!
- It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
- Can't you read, mister, can't you read?
Oskar Gets a JobEdit
- Oskar: Look, buddy, I told you, I don't have the money. I have to use it to pay for my mother's hip operations.
- The Man: You little weasel, I'll give you a one week to come up with a cash, or else...
- Oskar: Or else what? Okay, I get the picture. You're a big man, aren't you?
(The man creepily turns the door knob to open the door, he looks at Arnold and Gerald, and then they looks at Oskar on the chair. The man shuts the door and salute them with his hat for goodbye and leave.)
- Gerald: (Sighs) That Oskar Kokoschka, he's always get into trouble. Does he have a job or anything?
- Arnold: (Laughs a little bit) Oskar? I don't think he's ever had a job.
- Oskar: (Knocks the door #5 and looks down at Ernie) Ernie, how's your demolitions business?
- Ernie: What do you want, Kokoschka?
- Oskar: What makes you think I want something? It hurts me when you say things like that.
- Ernie: Okay, then. Um... what is it?
- Oskar: Well, I just came to tell you, to tell you that I love you, buddy. Come on, give us for a hug!
- Ernie: That's nice, Oskar. I like you too. And, uh, a brotherly, sort of way.
- Oskar: Well, that's all I wanted to say.
- Ernie: Sorry, Oskar, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
- Oskar: Well, you should be more careful next time, before you go around judging people. Oh, by the way, can I borrow fifty bucks?
- Ernie: You're a bum, Kokoschka! A lousy bum! You'll never change.
- Oskar: Yeah. So how about the fifty?
(Ernie slams the door at Oskar, and Oskar sadly walks away to the next door and then he knocks the door #3)
- Oskar: Mr. Hyuhn! How's my fellow immigrant good buddy? Uh, how's it going?
- Mr. Hyuhn: You're not get any money from me! You're not good, Oskar! No good at all! (Slams the door at Oskar and makes him walk away)
- Oskar: (Arnold's Grandpa opens the door) Grandpa! (Arnold's Grandpa slams the door at him. And walks away) And I guess there's only one thing to do.
- The Man #2: Okay, son, when can you start the job?
- Arnold: It's not for me, it's for him.
- Oskar: How many sick days do I get?
- The Man #2: Him? Is he little old to be a paper boy?
- Arnold: He work really hard, I promise.
- Arnold: Your first day on the job, you said you had a stomach flu. And today, you said you had a bad back!
- Oskar: What's your point?
- Arnold: My point is are you going to have another excuse tomorrow, or are you going to do your own job instead of making me do it for you?
- Oskar: Arnold, of course I'm going to do my job. Don't worry!
- Arnold: Good.
- Oskar: But I can't tomorrow. It's a national holiday for my old country. I forgot to tell you.
- Arnold: That's it! (Begins walking upstairs) I'm tired of all your excuses!
- Oskar: Arnold, you seem a little cranky. Maybe you should take a nap.
- Arnold: Look, I only helped you because you said you were desperate. You said you wanted to change. I guess I was wrong. Mr. Kokoschka, I'm sorry, but you are a huge loser!
- Mr. Simmons: [Reading Phoebe's poem in front of the class] I hear your name, like a bell, ringing, ringing, in my heart.
- Principal Wartz: [Talking to Phoebe as he leaves] We're proud of our multicultural students here at P.S. 118. [Stops in the doorway and looks back] Where do you come from, Phoebe?
- Phoebe: [flatly] Kentucky, sir.
- [jumping on her bed]
- I get to go to the sixth grade! I get to go to the sixth grade!
- Lila: I just didn't feel right about ruining Rhonda's personal property without getting her permission first. It felt, well, ever so wrong.
- Helga: Yeah, well, guess what? You're ever so fired!
[Helga is trying to recruit Nadine as her new sidekick, however, Rhonda sees this]
- Rhonda: No way, Helga! Nadine belongs to me! She's MY sidekick, so hands off!
- Helga: Criminy, I'm running out of stooges!
- Helga: Oh, who am I kidding? I'll never be able to replace her! Oh, if only I had supported her in her moment of distinction instead of assailing her with cruel words!
[Helga and Phoebe reconcile after their fight at the start of an episode]
- Helga: You're more than just my sidekick. You're my best friend. I guess I forgot that.
- Phoebe: Thanks, Helga. You're my best friend too.
[Patty has just tripped over one of Rhonda's boots, since Rhonda was sticking her foot out to show off the shoes.]
- Patty: Sorry, Rhonda.
- Rhonda: SORRY?! You just scuffed one of my one-of-a-kind Caprini platforms!
- [About her progress report]
- Pushy? Self-obsessed? Materialistic? There must be some mistake!
- How am I supposed to get punch with you standing there?
- Try saying the magic word.
- PS 118 needs you back!
- Excuse me a moment. closes door, starts singing and dancing with a doll They want me back! They want me back! They want me back! Who-ho! opens the door, gets serious face Please come in.
- Bob: [thinking] Now I'm stuck with the girl. How in the heck am I gonna survive this week?
- Helga: [thinking] Now I'm stuck with Big Bob. How in the heck am I gonna survive this week? [out loud] I'm going out.
- Bob: Where are you going? When will you be back? Be careful crossing streets? [Walks back in, satisfied] I can take a week alone with her.
- Helga: You don't know anything about me!
- Bob: You're a kid, what's there to know?
- Big Bob
- Great, now I have to sit through this stupid musical for three hours.
- Great, now I have to sit through this stupid musical for three hours.
- Yeah, I like Licorice, so what? Kidnapping is not my game — too messy!
- Then where were you, handsome?
- Alright I'll tell ya but you have to keep it under your hat, see.
- We'll see about that.
- I don't think you're in the position to give orders.
- I was at a ballet lesson Madame Bovary's school for boys.
- Ballet lessons? Oh, come on.
- Plié, jeté. See, I ain't joking.
- Hey, he's pretty good.
- All right, he checks out.
- [To Arnold and Gerald]
- You call me Slim one more time, I'll knock your teeth off!
Rhonda Goes BrokeEdit
- Rhonda:There is no way I'm going to recycle bottles and cans to pay for my lunch! (Scene changes; shows her digging through a dumpster)
- Rhonda: I just wanted to say thanks, Arnold. I never could've made it through my poor period without you. But you taught me a lot. (Gives Arnold a dollar bill)
- Arnold: What's this?
- Rhonda: A tip. It's the least I could do. I know how you p- (Is unable to say "poor") How people in your position appreciate these things.
- Arnold: Huh?
- Rhonda: Ciao, doll! (Jumps into her parents' car and drives off. Arnold shrugs and puts the money under his hat.)
- Brooke: Rhonda, just accept it. You can't have contacts yet. Well, we can't both be upset at the same time!
- Rhonda: (in tears) I hate my life! Why does everything happen to me? I'm so unlucky!
- Rhonda:If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh?
- Me, Mom and Dad are supposed to visit my grandma in South Dakota.
- Sounds like fun.
- I'd rather have a root canal.
- Great! You lost the directions; we’re totally lost on the road to nowhere, with a map of Wankyland!
- Mom, please tell me you didn’t leave your purse on top of the car again!
- Helga, you know, I think that that is exactly what happened.
- [as Arnold and Eugene Horowitz are going in a Roller Coaster]
- He's a goner...
- He's a brave boy...
- He's a saint — he gave me his tokens...
- [on the comet]
- 70 years? Where is it the rest of the time?
- I don't know, but if we don't see it this time, when comes again, we're gonna be old.
- Really old. I mean ancient! I mean hair growin out of our ears!
- Eat cereal, get a telescope. What a country.
- I'm sick of cereal. I'm sick of milk. I'm sick of all these football-headed schemes.
- [Arnold on why not just dump the cereal]
- There are children who are starving.
- I'm starving right here.
- [yelling to the populace]
- Turn off ya lights!
- Young Phil
- Dad, if only those lights weren't burning so bright.
- Phil's Dad
- I can take care of that. He pours water on gaslight so Phil can see the comet
- [about Hawk Mountain]
- I fell off the mountain and broke every bone in my body.
- [on traffic to Hawk Mountain]
- Man, this is insane!
- Nocturnal Ned
- Too bad you can't do that on the air, now excuse me, I have to go back on live... Ned has a "whoops, looks like they did" look on his face as he sees the "on the air" indicator is already on
- Oh my — look up, boys, look up! 23 skidoo! Heh heh! Boys, you're gonna remember this for the rest of your lives!
- So, what do you think we'll be doing after 70 years?
- Lookin' at this comet again.
- Yes sir. Of course I won't be, because I'll be... you know"
- Ah, no you won't Phil.
- Would you stop callin' me Phil?!
- [Trying to scare Sheena]
- You know about the end, right? She's in a crypt, you know, a mausoleum, full of dead rotting corpses and bats. Getting steadily creepier And then she takes this big, sharp, rusty dagger... and she holds it up high over her head... and then Feigns stabbing herself and gasping in pain Oh, it's great. Real bloody, violent stuff.
- [Mutters quietly]
- I like Arnold.
- Pardon? I couldn't hear you.
- [Mutters slightly louder, but faster]
- I like Arnold.
- I'm sorry, Helga, you're mumbling.
- [Practically screams to her face]
- I LIKE ARNOLD. Pants I'm head over heels, loop-de-loo, over the moon. I'm in love with the boy!. Pants Happy now? Happy?
- [Stares at her, then smiles coolly]
- I kinda had a funny feeling you liked him.
- Mr. Hyunh:Why can't you act like a normal person?
- Oskar:Me? What about you? You're wearing a dress!
- Mr Hyunh: That is to help Arnold! I am Juliet!
- Oskar: You're not Juliet. You're a sad man wearing a dress.
- Mr Hyunh: I am Juliet! Juliet!!!
- Mr. Hyunh
- [to Arnold]
- Now I believe you should be Romeo. And I will be Juliet!
- Go get thee hence, for I will not away...
- [also acting]
- I guess we did alright, Helga!
- I guess so! Except for that disgusting kiss. Ugh!
- Then why'd you kiss me for so long?!
- It was just acting - I was trying to be professional! Don't think I actually enjoyed that! Ugh!
- Whatever you say, Helga.
Stinky Goes HollywoodEdit
- Drink Ya-Hoo Soda, it's really great. I'm telling you it's the best soda okay?
- How old are you?
- I'm seven years old. I'm a little kid, see?
- Ya-Hoo Soda, just drink it.
- [to his father]
- I know and all in one week too!
- Try, try, and try again, til you can't try no longer. And if that don't work, you just spent a whole lot of time doin' somethin' you just couldn't do.
- Mayor Dixie
- Wow! That's the biggest vegetable I've ever seen! First prize goes to.
- Stinky Peterson.
Stuck in a TreeEdit
- Arnold and Eugene stuck in a tree, S-T-U-K in a tree!
- Chocolate Boy
- Go to the fire station, tell them we're stuck in a tree, and don't stop for chocolate. Stuck in fire station...
- Chocolate Boy, go to the fire station, tell them we're stuck up a tree, but don't stop for chocolate.
- Chocolate Boy
- Go to the fire station, tell them you're stuck up a tree, stop for chocolate.
- Don't stop for chocolate.
- Chocolate Boy
- Go to the fire station, tell them you're stuck up a tree, but only after stopping for chocolate.
- What the heck is going on here?? I'm gone for two LOUSY minutes and some bimbo is moving in on my territory! Well, fat chance I'm gonna let that happen. Arnold is gonna be mine, this vacation and no little beach chippie is gonna come between us!
- [To Summer]
- So long, Autumn! It's been a blast.
- Grandpa Phil
- [To ducks, suddenly realizing he was hallucinating]
- Wait a minute, you're not my ancestors, you're a bunch of ducks.
- Grandpa Phil
- [Picks up shell]
- Hello, 911? This is Grandpa!
- So you sure he doesn't have a clue?
- Arnold? no way! he's pathetic, he's in love with me, I could probally get him to build me five sandcastles.
- But we just need one baby.
- I know one sandcastle, we get first prize, I totally blow off Arnold and get to be on Babewatch, this plan worked out so perfectly.
- [Her and Sandy kiss passionately]
- [to crushed Arnold]
- Sorry Arnold.
- You were right the whole time Helga.
- [Summer walks over to where they are]
- Oh Arnold there you are, ready to build our winning sandcastle?
- Forget it Summer, I'm on to you, I know you think I'm pathetic and I know you've been lying to me this whole time.
- Arnold, I-I—
- I just heard you and that Sandy guy, you were just using me.
- I'm not building any sandcastle with you, ever. good-bye Summer.
- Sorry I didn't listen to you Helga, I guess you were really just trying to be my friend.
- And well I figured it was the right thing to do; I mean she was taking advantage of you and I couldn't just- well hey what the heck are we standing here talking for? we got a sandcastle competition to win; come on!
- Harold: [when he saw a D+ on his paper] Oh, I hate school. I wish I never have to go to school again.
- Arnold: Come on, Harold, it's not that bad.
- Harold: Yes, it is! We're trapped in here day after day, doing boring stuff, and standing in line for cold crappy food that they don't even give me time to eat! Oh, I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I just wish there was some way to get out of school and get to stay home and be free!
- Principal Wartz: What the devil's going on?!
- Wolfgang: Woohoo! I'm a fireman! Oops!
- Principal Wartz: Wolfgang, that is a flagrant violation of school safety rules not to mention federal law, you're suspended!
- Wolfgang: What?!
- Principal Wartz: You heard me. You are hereby order to stay out of the school for one entire week!
- Principal Wartz: Yes? Oh! Thank you, Harold. You’re right, I should have this fire extinguisher refilled immediately. It’s not safe, otherwise. Thank you though. Now run along to your class.
- Harold: Hey! That stupid dork was supposed to suspend me!
- Principal Wartz: [he heard Harold; walks out of his office; offended] Harold, did you just call me a stupid dork?
- Harold: No, no, no, no! [realizes he could be suspended for doing that] I mean yes. Yes, I did call you a stupid dork!
- Principal Wartz: That’s a violation against the school constitution Article 34, Section C, Paragraph 2. You’re suspended.
- Harold: YES! I mean- awww, gee...
- Principal Wartz: Harold, you're not supposed to be within a hundred yards of school property.
- Harold: But Principal Wartz...
- Principal Wartz: I'm sorry, Harold. But the school constitution demands that I give you another week of suspension.
- Harold: Another week? No, please!
- Principal Wartz: Rules are rules. Now, promise me, Harold, that you won't let me catch you on the premises again.
- Harold: I promise, Principal Wartz. I won't go on the premises again.
- Principal Wartz: Yes, can I help you?
- Harold: Someone ordered a pizza for the teacher's lounge?
- Principal Wartz: What are you doing, Harold?
- Harold: [in a fake Italian accent] I don't know what you're talking about, I'm not Harold. I'm a little old Italian man delivering a pizza. See? I-I even have a mustache. [Wartz takes the mustache off of Harold] OW!
- Principal Wartz: That's another week's suspension for you, young man.
- Harold: Awwwww...
- Principal Wartz: Repeat slowly after me.
- Harold: Slowly after me.
- Principal Wartz: No! Not yet. Alright, now! I will not enter the school grounds for the next three weeks.
- Harold: I will not enter the school grounds for the next three weeks.
- Principal Wartz: Good, I'll see you in three weeks.
- Harold: Good, I'll see you in three weeks.
- Principal Wartz: Harold.
- Harold: Harold.
- Principal Wartz: D'oh!
- Harold: I’ll be on school grounds in no time. What a great plan!
- Principal Wartz: Hello, son. You're digging quite a hole there, aren't you?
- Harold: Yeah. See, I got suspended because I called the principal a stupid dork. [grunts as he shovels some dirt] And now he won't let me into the school, [grunts as he shovels more dirt] so I'm gonna tunnel in.
- Principal Wartz: Is that so? That's another week's suspension for you, Mr. Berman.
- Harold: Awwwww... [the shovel drops on his foot] OW!
- Principal Wartz: And fill up that hole.
- [Arnold and Harold approach]
- Principal Wartz: What the devil's wrong with you two? You're not supposed to be within a hundred yards of this school!
- Arnold: With all due respect, sir, according to the school constitution, article 14, section 2, paragraph 5, we are fully within our rights.
- Harold: And it says here in, uh, a-article 39, section 4, w-when a student gets suspended, he can repeal it if there are... outside circumcisions!
- Arnold: [Correcting Harold] ...stances.
- Harold: ...stances! Outside circumstances!
- Arnold: And we have here 40 pages of the material explaining why we have the rights to be back into school. Under article 39, we would like a review of our case by an outside agency.
- Principal Wartz: You boys make a very impressive case. The only problem is that you're talking about an outdated school constitution from 1956. This is the current constitution, and there is nothing in here about any appeals, that's for sure.
- [After Principal Wartz lifts Harold's suspension]
- Arnold: Thanks, Principal Wartz. [Starts to follow Harold into the school]
- Principal Wartz: Wait a minute, where are you going? [Arnold stops]
- Arnold: Huh?
- Principal Wartz: I didn't say anything about lifting your suspension.
- Arnold: But Principal Wartz, I--
- Principal Wartz: Just kidding! Now run along! Ah Wartzy, you've done it again. The true prince must temper justice with mercy. It's no wonder the children love and respect me.
[Wolfgang sprays his fire extinguisher at Principal Wartz in the back]
- Wolfgang: Hey Wartz, you wide load! Ha ha!
- Principal Wartz: That's it, young man! You're suspended!
- Wolfgang: You can't suspend me! I'm already suspended!
- Principal Wartz: Well, in that case, you're unsuspended! Get back to class!
- Wolfgang: Gotta catch me first, old ugly guy! Ha ha! Ha ha!
- Principal Wartz: Come back here, pal! [Principal Wartz furiously chases Wolfgang as he falls in the hole] Whoa! HAROOOOLD!!
- [About Coach Wittenberg]
- But, Arnold, every time we even talk to him, he wants us to join some crazy team!
- Coach Wittenberg
- Boys, I want you to join this crazy team.
- No chalk, no teachers! No chalk, no teachers!
- Principal Wartz
- Where do you think you're going?
- Back to school.
- There are teachers everywhere!
- It's like one of those horror movies!
- Except for the fact it's real, pink boy!
The Aptitude TestEdit
- Helga: I'll show them. I'm me the most mountain, nature-loving girl the Aptidute has ever seen. [Whacks a pine cone with a stick]
- Eugene: 5, 6, 7, 8, and— [Gets hit with the pine cone]
- Phoebe: [Giving a possible explanation to Helga's suggested career of woodsperson] Perhaps the test results indicate that someone with your dominate aggressive personality's best suited to a solitary occupation with a physical outlet for your expressions of rage. [Helga leans forward and glares angrily at Phoebe; nervously] Or perhaps not.
- Mickey Kaline
- [to Arnold]
- Y'know, kid, since I was seven years old the only thing I ever wanted to do was play baseball. I loved every minute of it. From the first time I played catch with my dad to the home run I hit this afternoon. And, well... thanks, kid.
The Beeper QueenEdit
- Helga? What on earth are you doing here?
- I need you for a minute, Mom. I mean, I need to talk to you.
- You need me for a minute, Mom. Listen, I am sorry, Helga, but this is just not a good time. I mean, we'll be back on in five minutes and they need me. So whatever it is, it'll just have to wait until later, okay? So, go on, bye-bye, go do your homework or something.
(The dark clouds come and kids in P.S. 128 are domestic arguing (fighting))
- And you can't stop me!
- No fair!
- Mr. Simmons
- "[stopping the kids' domestic arguing]"
- I'm so close to the food! So close and yet so far away!
- [to Harold]
- Aw, put a sock in it! The rest of us can't live off our bulk like you can.
- Mr. Simmons
- [to Helga]
- Young lady, I'm warning you!
- What are you gonna do, make me stay after school?!
- Helga, you're just too dang ornery!
- Here's how much I care what you think! snaps finger
- (stops the Helga and Stinky's fight), Helga, as long as we're here, we should try and get along.
- (Sarcastically) You're, right, Arnold. (to Stinky) Hey, would you like some some dessert? (Flicks green Jell-O from her spoon)
- Oh, (throws the green Jell-O. Helga ducks, and it hits Curly. Rhonda laughs until she gets Jell-O thrown at her. The food fight spreads to the whole cafeteria)
- Curly: I haven't changed my underwear in five weeks.
- Rhonda: Nine seventeen. It's official. My life is over.
- Curly: [Trying to get closer] Give Daddy some sugar.
[Rhonda groans in frustration]
The High LifeEdit
- What am I gonna do now, Smart Guy? AWWWWWW!!! sobs
The Little Pink BookEdit
- Those poems weren't meant to be seen until I am dead and buried and worms have consumed my flesh.
- [referring to Arnold's room]
- I'm in his room, the place I have often visited in my dreams.
- Ohh My gosh what is that shampoo?
- So far, we know our suspect is female, lives in the tri-state area, and is somewhere between the ages of eight... and eighty-seven.
- Oh, we're doing good...
- First spitball of the day football head.
The Pig WarEdit
- [Arnold and his friends built a wooden pig and are hiding in it while]
Grandpa pulls it to the "British" fort
- Are you sure this is gonna work?
- Look. It worked on the Trojans because their enemies knew they were tired of all the fighting.
- It worked on the Trojans because the Greeks knew when to keep quiet.
- [after Grandpa wheels up a giant wooden pig as a surrender gift]
- Rex Smythe-Higgins
- Savor this moment, grandson, when your enemy surrenders. Open the gate!
- Gate Opener
- Uh Sir, there is a historical precedent to this and I think we should consider.
- Rex Smythe-Higgins
- Your job is not to consider! Your job is to blow the hunting horn! Now open the gate!
- [the gate is opened and Arnold and his friends run out of the pig as soon as it is inside]
The Racing MuleEdit
- [worried about the bet]
- Yeah out, as in two hundred clams right down the crapper!
Timberly Loves ArnoldEdit
- Arnold, are you thinking what I think you're thinking?
- I don't know. What do you think I'm thinking?
- [to Arnold]
- You're the nicest boy ever!
- Arnold, you're the nicest boy ever! See you tomorrow, Romeo!
- Where are you going?
- What are you doing there?
- Can I come?
- We're going somewhere to do something.
- But you just said you're going nowhere to do nothing!
- Timberly: Hey, you guys, where're you going?
- Gerald: Nowhere.
- Timberly: Can I come?
- Gerald: No.
- Timberly: But you always say that! You never let me come along!
- Sid: Gerald, why don't we let her come along?
- Timberly: I like you, Sid. You're the nicest boy ever.
Tour de PondEdit
- Grandpa Phil
- We beated Smith Higgins! We beated Smith Higgins!
- [pointing at Harold]
- Look, Mommy. There's a fat man.
- Johnny's Mother
- Oh, Johnny. No, no, don't say that. He's not a fat man. He's a fat boy.
- [talking to Arnold]
- Look at me. I can barely lift my arms.
- I'll take twelve of them.
- Harold, twelve low-fat Mr. Fudgies is the same as six regular Mr. Fudgies.
- [yelling at Mr. Jolly Holly Man]
- My names not Tubby! It's Harold!
- Harold: [finding a jelly bean] Praise Thor the thunder god!
- Arnold: Brainy? What are you doing here?
- Brainy: Um... [wheezes] something.
- [Vic and Morrie catch the kids in their store of forged pennies]
- Vic Hey, you punks! What do you think you're doing?!
- [Kids gasp]
- Sid: [screams] IT'S WHEEZIN' ED! And... AND SOME OTHER GUY!