American television series

Girls5eva (2021–present) is an American television comedy about the members of a 2000-era one-hit wonder pop girl group who attempt to restart the group twenty years later.

Theme song

Gonna be famous 5eva
'Cause 4eva's too short
Gonna be famous 3gether
'Cause that's one more than 2gether
Gonna be famous 5eva
'Cause 4eva's too short
So what are you waiting 5?

Season 1


Pilot [1.1]

[On TRL in 2000]
Young Summer: I'm Summer and the media trainer said to repeat the question in my answer, so why don't you introduce yourself Summer thanks Carson I'm Summer!

Gloria: Just to get ahead of it, it's me—
Wickie: Gloria. I know. I used context clues.

Wickie: Music was never my bag anyway. Bags are my bag, because I'm launching a bag line. They're bat leather and they're tiny, like bats.

D'wasg [1.2]

Kev: [doing a Tampa local entertainment news segment] Hey, what's up? I'm here with an exclusive look at the flight path celebrities often take when flying from Los Angeles to Miami, passing over Tampa completely.

Larry: I was wrong, there's not zero interest in Girls5eva. ...I got a call. Eric Trump Casino University needs someone to play between MMA fights while they mop up blood. Four grand minus my 80 percent. BYO-mop.

Girls5eva: [singing "Dream Girlfriends"]
Low-rise jeans with a one-tooth zipper
Eyebrows thin, bronzer thicker
Whale-tail peeking, ready for the weekend
Our eyes are all over you, boy, we're
Dream girlfriends, 'cause our dads are dead
You'll never have to meet them and get asked why you left school
Dream girlfriends, no pushback
'Cause our moms are over-tired, and hoping for the best
We've got the kind of birth control that goes in our arm
And tell me again why Tarantino's a genius
You'll never want to wake up from us
We’re short, so we don't know that you're bald

Nick: It's not a van, all right? For tax purposes it's 10 wheelchairs.

Alf Musik [1.3]

Wickie: [waitressing] Hello, I'm new here, I'm not telling you my name. Our special today is penne alla vodka and Red Bull, and our soup is Italian divorce, I'll be back with your NDAs.

Gloria: [about Dawn's young son Max] He's a classic New York Lonely Boy.
Dawn: What?
Gloria: New York Lonely Boy. A son born to older parents who's more comfortable around adults than kids. Yeah, they're all over the city, eating sushi. They usually wear a fedora, high-fiving a doorman.
Dawn: That sounds like some Manhattan shit. We're Queens people. Our heat comes from one really hot vertical pipe.
Gloria: Well, they're in all the boroughs. Except Staten Island, 'cause there's never been an only child from there.
Dawn: How do you know about this?
Gloria: Half my patients have one. But you're in good company: John Slattery has one, Kyle MacLachlan has one, Matthew Broderick is one.
. . .
John Slattery: Sorry, I didn't mean to bother you, but it looks like you've got yourself a real New York Lonely Boy there.
Dawn: Um, yeah, uh, I guess I do, John Slattery.
John Slattery: All I can say is, congratulations. A New York Lonely Boy is the greatest gift a parent could ask for.
Dawn: It is?
John Slattery: Heck yeah. I had five siblings. I was too busy fighting for food to develop a single goddamn interest. But this kid, he teaches us things. He know Mandarin, he make sourdough bread, he makes these little movies—
Talia Balsam: Oh with the marionettes, it's very imaginative.
John Slattery: Yeah, he loves museums.
Talia Balsam: Oh, he's really good at a dinner party
John Slattery: [to his son] What was that thing you said the other night?
Harry Slattery: Never trust a restaurant on a corner.
John Slattery: He's right! They always phone it in. Every day's like Father's Day, he's our best friend.
Talia Balsam: Don't worry, they don't stay lonely forever. Before you know it they're dating a 23-year-old named Lucy; she's a landscape architect but she, she also submits fiction to the New Yorker.
Dawn: So I won't ruin my son by not having another baby?
Talia Balsam: No. If anything, the baby will ruin him.

Alf Musik: You have a problem with my song? I worked quite hard on it. 40 minutes—20 metric.
Wickie: No, it's fire. I was thinking of adding a "woah oh oh oh" right before "Cram it wherever."

Catskills [1.5]

[After Summer makes a few unhelpful suggestions during a songwriting session]
Wickie: Hey Summer, you know what would be a huge help? Would you make the salad?
Summer: Oh, I'm good. I smelled a MacDonald's on the way up, so I can stay and collab.
Wickie: Or you could go and collab, because behind every great song is an even better salad. Tell her, Dawn.
Dawn: Yes. John was only able to write "Come Together" once he knew... Paul was... handling the salad.
Summer: Huh! Is that true?
Wickie: Yeah, five sure!

Wickie: This weekend is about Jingle Ball, and I'm worried—
Summer: —That she's gonna Yoko the salad!

Dawn and Wickie: [singing during their writing session] We are / Stronger than the best!
Daphne: Oh.
Wickie: What?
Daphne: No, no, I like it. But if you're stronger than the best, wouldn't that make you the best? So why are they still the best?
Wickie: I think we just became stronger than the best during the song, so technically we are the best now; it's just not reflected in the rankings yet.
Daphne: Why?
Wickie: Because they come out on Mondays.
Summer: Oh, you roll your eyes at my ideas just because they're terrible, but your ideas are not great. "Stronger than the best?" What does that even mean?
Wickie: [angrily] The song explains it, it hinges on paperwork!

Cease and Desist [1.6]

Scott: I read that you have to offer a child capers fifteen times before they understand umami.

Season 2


Can't Wait 2 Wait [2.4]

[During an entertainment news segment c. 2000]
Presenter: Summer of Girls5eva.
Young Summer: Yeah.
Presenter: Let's talk about your music career: are you a virgin?
Young Summer: Yes. I made a promise to myself, and my parents, and my God. That's why I wear this purity ring. I want my wedding night to be special because we're probably gonna be in a Hyatt.
Presenter: Next up, we ask the guys of Matchbox Twenty about singing and playing instruments.

B.P.E. [2.6]

Wickie: If you wanted the solo why didn't you just come out and say it like a normal person?
Dawn: Why didn't you just offer, like a normal person? Even Paul lets George do his own thing sometimes!
Wickie: Because Paul George is one basketball man, Dawn; you're not making sense!

Wickie: Boy you're slow at following. If you were a baby duck and I was your adult duck, you'd be eaten by a hawk.

Dawn: I need to go down to the restaurant and count fish heads to make sure my chef isn't robbing me of fish torsos, because I am my grandmother's daughter!
Wickie: [scoffs] No, you're not! Your mom is!

Returnity [2.7]

Doctor: All right, if I draw some blood, will you, and I'm asking as your doctor, get the fuck out of here?


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