Fanboy & Chum Chum

Fanboy & Chum Chum (2009–14) is an American 3D CGI animated television series created by Eric Robles for Nickelodeon.

Season 1

Wizboy [1.1.1]

[First lines of the series]

Mr. Mufflin: ...And lastly, there was a misprint on today’s cafeteria menu. “Meat Larf” should read “Meat Lard”.

Fanboy and Chum Chum: [alternating] Mr. Mufflin! Mr. Mufflin! Mr. Mufflin! Mr. Mufflin!

Mr. Mufflin: [sighs] Yes, Purple...Kid?

Fanboy: Which juice box goes best with meat larf?

Chum Chum: Red or white grape?

Mr. Mufflin: [grunts] If they hold these two back another year, I'm putting in for early retirement. [receives note] What’s this? Oh great, A new student. Well, where is he?

[The lights go out, Kyle appears]

Kyle: From beyond the veil of dispose, comes one who is versed in ways of sorcerery, traveler of who the mystical relms of necromancy. Please tremble, and give it up for...Kyle, the Conjurer!!! And, scene.

[After Fanboy and Chum Chum scoot up to Kyle's desk and talk to him for the first time]

Fanboy: So, a wizard, huh? Are you classically trained or self-taught?

Kyle: Well actually, I attended the prestigious Milkweed Academy for Wizards, until I was unfairly expelled for turning one of my professors into raspberry flan. Delicious old fool. [licks lip] But one day, they will see the error of their ways, and I will return to assume my rightful place as the most powerful pre-teen wizard on the planet! [maniacal laughing that then stops with Fanboy and Chum Chum's laughs]

Kyle: He is NOT a WIZARD!

Fanboy: Uh, yeah, I am.

Kyle: Very well. If you are a wizard, why don't you perform some magic?

Fanboy: I foresaw that you would ask that. Stand Back!

[After Kyle gets farted on]

Kyle: Enough! I've had with you ninnies. It is time for me to show you what a real wizard can do. [his wand gets taken] Huh? What?

Mr. Mufflin: No stick waving. You'll get this back at the end of the year.

Pick a Nose [1.1.2]

[Lunch Lady Cram drops Chum Chum's nose in the grease. Fanboy and Chum Chum scream in horror]

Fanboy: [stops Chum Chum from dunking into the grease] Chum Chum! It's OK! It's not your nose! It's not your nose! I would never do anything to hurt your real nose, buddy! You're my best friend!

Chum Chum: Yeah...but...

Fanboy: [Takes out another nose] Here's your real nose.

Chum Chum: Fanboy! You made me the happiest boy alive! [puts back his new nose] Here.

Fanboy: Don't cry! [puts his nose back too] You're gonna make me cry!

The Janitor Strikes Back [1.2.1]

Mr. Mufflin: Who are you? [Reads Janitor Poopatine's name tag] Mr. Poopatine?

[The Class laughs As Michael Johnson Laughs]

Michael Johnson: He Said Poop.

Cheech: Poop!

[Janitor Poopatine Grunts And The Students Gasp]

Janitor Poopatine: It's Janitor Poopatine! But you can call me Russ. Since the dawn of my career, I have vowed to destroy gum in every corner of the galaxy... hills school district. And now, young gum chewers, you will see what happens when you chew gum in my school.

[Yum Yum pulls Poopatine up from the hole with his tongue]

Janitor Poopatine: What are you waiting for? Someone! Pull me up!

Fanboy: [reading a comic] Sure. As soon as you say that gum's allowed in school...

Janitor Poopatine: Never!

[Fanboy snaps his fingers, Yum Yum releases Poopatine]

Dollar Day [1.2.2]

[Fanboy and Chum Chum launch into their Dollar Dance]

Fanboy: Wha-Bam!

Chum Chum: Bling Bling!

Fanboy: A dollar!

Fanboy/Chum Chum: Uh-huh, uh-huh! A dollar! Uh-huh, uh-huh!

Fanboy: Can you bend it?

Chum Chum: Yes!

Fanboy: Gonna spend it?

Chum Chum: Yes!

Fanboy: It looks good...

Chum Chum: Mm-hmm!

Fanboy: It tastes wierd...

Chum Chum: Yeah!

Fanboy: Do the Money Dance!

Fanboy/Chum Chum: Do the Money Dance! Do the Money Dance! Do the ah-ah, do the ah-ah!

[They continue to dance, Lenny is not pleased]

[After Fanboy sees Chum Chum put the dollar in the Chimp Chomp game]

Fanboy: Chum Chum, what did you do?!? That was our ONLY DOLLAR!!!

Chum Chum: Or was it?

Fanboy: Yes! And you SPENT IT!!!

Chum Chum: Or did I?

Fanboy: YES! And I saw you PUT IT IN THE MACHINE!!!

Chum Chum: Or did you?

Fanboy: Why do you keep talking like that?!?

Chum Chum: Cause I lost our ONLY DOLLAR!!!

Trading Day [1.3.1]

Fanboy: Cut it out, Yo!

Yo: [chases Fanboy carrying Chum Chum, giggling] C'mon, Fanboy! I just wanna be with him a little bit!

Fanboy: How many times do I have to tell you!? Chum Chum is not a toy!

Chum Chum: Yeah! Hands off the merchandise!

Yo: [giggles] I know! But he's just so cute! And Chum-Chummy!

Mechatech: What is a Chum Chum?

Fanboy: What...is a Chum Chum? He's a snow day when you've got a spelling test; he's the marshmallows in your hot chocolate and the sludge that forms on the bottom; he's the smell of ham right after you've take it out of the dryer; he's a pudding fight that steals into a French fry battle and escalates into a fish stick war. [sobs] Oh, Chum Chum! What've I done? I want my Chum Chum back!

Mechatech: I await your command!

Fanboy: "[mockingly] I await your command. I await your command." Is that all you can say!?

Mechatech: Pull my finger?

Fanboy: That is it! I'm trading you back right now! [grabs Mechatech by the arm which he accidentally pulls] Ooh...eh oh.

Fanboy: I'm sorry Chum Chum I lied to you. I... traded you to Yo so I could play with her Mechatech and now you're stuck in there forever.

Chum Chum: You're a bad, bad friend...but... [sobs] I'm gonna miss you!

Fanboy: I'm gonna miss you too, buddy...

The Hard Sell [1.3.2]

Oz's Mom: Ozvald Harmounian, I am this close to throwing out all this junk and turning whole place into yogurt shop! [pulls down an ad reading "Oz's Mom's Yogurt"]

[Fanboy and Chum Chum both gasp in horrified shock]

Fanboy: A yogurt shop?! You wouldn't!

Oz's Mom: Oh, you want a bet? I already purchase goat. [Mitzi bleats from upstairs] I'm coming, Mitzi! Just put it on pause for me!

Oz: Mom, please! Don't make me sell things! It's too soon! I'm not ready!

Oz's Mom: You've got till 6:00 to make a sale, [holds up an empty pickle jar in Oz's face] and put money in jar! [sets the jar down on the counter]

Oz: No, Mom, please! Seriously, it's not fair!

Digital Pet Cemetery [1.4.1]

Chum Chum: I don't think Scampers has hatched from his cat egg yet.

Yo: Oh, silly Chum Chum. Scampers is one of my Yamaguchi digital pets, See?, All you do is press the buttons to play with him, clean him or feed him,. It's so easy. He'll beep to tell you what he needs.

Fanboy: Fear not, Yo, You can count on us.

Yo: Thanks guys! [then, ominously] However, make sure you take good care of Scampers. Otherwise he'll power down. [mimes dying; chipper again] Well, see ya!

Fanboy: Uh, How many cupcakes can one cat eat?

Fanboy: WHOA! Scampers, that's a two-beeper!

Fanboy: [gets mad at Scampers] THAT IS IT!!!! You want a cupcake? Huh? Fine. Have a cupcake. Have a billion of cupcakes!

Chum Chum: [wakes up upon seeing Fanboy overfeeding Scampers] Fanboy, no!

Fanboy: Eat them! EAT THEM!!! [laughs evilly]

Chum Chum: No! [smacks Fanboy on the face with a pillow] Get a hold of yourself!

Fanboy: [snaps out of it] Huh? Oh. Sorry, Chum Chum. I don't know what happened. I just… I snapped. [faints to the ground]

[Oz has defeated Scampers]

Fanboy: Oz, how did you know we were in trouble?

Oz: I was coming to show you my sweet viking costume when my horns picked up the distress signal.

Yo: Why didn't you just use the door?

Oz: It's called "making an entrance". Duh!

[Fanboy and Chum Chum giggle]

[Sometime later, they continue a conversation]

Oz: Yo was all like, "Why didn't you use the door?". And then I said, "It's called 'making an entrance'" that.

[Fanboy and Chum Chum giggle again]

Yo: [sarcastically] Yeah Oz, we remember.

Fanboy Stinks [1.4.2]

Chum Chum: [singsongy] Horrible stench? Where are you? Hmm, maybe it's this cottage cheese. [sniffs] YEEEEEEUUUGGGH. [at the camera] Smells like that cheese died in that cottage.

Fanboy: [humming] whatcha Doing, My Pocket Sized Amigo?

Chum Chum: Some horrible smell woke me up this morning, and I am trying to figure out where it's coming from?

Fanboy: A horrible smell, you say? Is this the reek you seek!? [emits a huge stench while revealing that he's dirty all over]

Chum Chum: UGH! You smell like if a foot and Brussels sprouts had a baby [his eyes well with tears, due to the bad smell]...who pooped its diaper!

Fanboy: And how! You see, Chum Chum, modern man has forgotten what the caveman once knew. [his stench emerges] Stink good! [Chum Chum tries to spray him with water] Ah! What are you doing?

Chum Chum: I'm trying to hose off the stink!

Fanboy: Ee, ah! Wah! Water no touchy! Ah! No washy! Water bad! I'm shooting for the world record: Longest time without taking a bath! Okay?

Chum Chum: [turns off hose] Okay! Then if it's all right with you, I'm gonna keep my face in this. [sniffs, then sticks his face into cottage cheese] Oh, yeah, that's better. [gives a thumbs-up]

Stinks: Old Stinks here's a little hungry, you know what I'm saying? [at Chuggy] You think that kid over there will share his sandwich with us?

Fanboy: Ehhhh, ewwww, I don't know. Chris Chuggy always cleans his plate. Rumor has it, sometimes he even eats his plate.

Stinks: You could convince that kid of anything! You got charm coming out the strazool!

Fanboy: [sheepishly] Eh-heh-heh-ho. I have to say, Stinks, you are one flattering suit. [Chuggy prepares to eat his sandwich until Fanboy and Stinks appear behind him]

Fanboy: Hey, Chris!

Chuggy: Er?

Fanboy: Ahem. My -- mmm, suit -- and I were wondering if you'd share --

Chuggy: [angrily] Wah, wah. Whoooaaa.

Stinks: Oh, don't want to share, huh? [sprays stink into Chuggy's face] How do you like that?

[Chuggy sniffs the stink and groans as his nose, ears, eyes, and arms sink into his body and he rolls out of the cafeteria]

I, Fanbot [1.5.1]

Mr. Mufflin: Or... [pulls down a poster of a bouncy house] this state-of-the-art bouncy house!

Fanboy and Chum Chum: Bouncy!

Class: Oh yeah! Bouncy house!

Chum Chum: [leaps out of his seat] A bouncy house! [bounces around cutely] Bouncy house bouncy house bouncy house bouncy house bouncy house bouncy house bouncy house!

Mr. Mufflin: [looks at poster] Oh yes. , bouncy house, you will be mine...

Chum Chum: Fanboy, I think you're stalling.

Fanboy: I am not stalling! [heads over to a strange, blue toy which has flowers attached to wires protruding from it] I am flurping the meisenhoffel! [pushes down on a flower, which makes a "boing" sound, then puts his ear up to the "meisenhoffel"] Flurp!

Fanbot: [gasps as he sees himself in the mirror] Yes! I am a robot! I mean, [in a robotic voice] I am Fanbot. Didididididi. The world's most perfect creation... [crushes Oz's collection of figurines] Oh...I meant to do that. Ditty...ditty...ditty?

Fanbot: But with great robotic power comes great robotic responsibility. It is up to I, Fanbot, to make sure that we all pass the test.

Oz: Wait, you did this to pass the test? Well then shouldn't we have put the robot brain in your body?

Fanbot: No, because then, I wouldn't have robot claws. Duh! Didididididi.

Chum Chum: Robot claws...!

Mr. Mufflin: [opens the door, horrified] Failed. [everyone stops and stares at him] YOU ALL FAILED!

Yo: [shocked and heartbroken] We failed?

Mr. Mufflin: You all got zeros! [at Kyle] uh, Except you, you got a 12.

Kyle: Thank you.

Yo: But that's impossible! We all used a robot's brain!

Chum Chum: Actually, it was Fanboy's brain.

Yo: [angrily] What?!

Chum Chum: Yeah, we left the robot brain at Oz's.

Kyle: You idiots! You had a robot brain?! Why not just put that into Fanboy?

Fanbot: [realizing his mistake] Huh, Um...I guess because then I wouldn't have the...robot claws?

Chum Chum: [jazz hands] Robot claws.

Fanbot: [meekly] Biddy-biddy?

Mr. Mufflin: [angrily] YOU. YOU COST ME MY BOUNCY HOUSE!!!

[Mr. Mufflin and the students angrily walk slowly closer to them]

Chum Chum: Uh, Fanbot, I think we'd better roll.

Fanbot: Beep, boop, I agree! [launches out of the mob, but lands back in it on another side]

Chum Chum: Uh-oh.

Fanbot: It's a good thing I don't have human emotions, or I'd be very scared right now.

Chum Chum: Uh, Fanbot? I think you oiled yourself. [looks at the oil Fanbot leaked]

Yo: GET HIM!

Mr . Mufflin: [halts Yo and Duke in mid-air as they’re about to attack Fanbot] STOP!

Fanbot: Phew. Thanks, Mr. --

Mr. Mufflin: I get FIRST SHOT!

[Everybody starts attacking Fanbot all over]

Chum Chum: FANBOT!

Fanbot: [as his head is detached and flies out] Chum Chum, my brain! Save my precious brain!

Berry Sick [1.5.2]

Lenny: Didn't you see the people waiting outside?

Zombie Customers: Frosssssssty Frezzzzzy Frezzzzzze.

Mr. Mufflin: I just came for a cup of coffee.

Lenny: They've been like that all day!

Chimp Chomp Chumps [1.6.1]

Chum Chum: We got Cherry Chewy Chimps, Monkey Bites, and Ape Drinks.

Fanboy: Cherry Chewy Chimps, and I'll wash it down with a Vanilla Gorilla.

Mr. Mufflin: I sincerely doubt that everyone here has ten items or less. [gets smacked by Boog holding a Chimp Chomp hammer]

Boog: 100 points. [smacks Kyle] Bop! [smacks Ceech] Bop! 200 points. [smacks Michael and Duke] Bop! [smacks Chuggy and Yo] Bop! [smacks Lupe] 400 points. There ain't no stopping this chimp with his bopping! [laughs]

Chum Chum: Mmm, I love these, their brains squirt real fruit juice when you bite them.

Boog: [eats Chum Chum's Cherry Chewy Chimp] your Chimp's been Chomped! [eats Fanboy's Cherry Chewy Chimp] Oh, double Chomp! Bonus points. [laughs]

Fanboy: Oh, Look Who Is Here, It's Boog. What brings You out This Fine Evening?

Boog: Yeah, I wanted to audition for the role of Chimp Chomp, but the costume wouldn't fit around my buffed-out biceps.

[Boog grunts until a tiny muscle grows. Then Fanboy and Chum Chum spin like helicopter rotors and lift Boog off the ground]

Boog: Whoo! I totally got mad air! Look at that!

[a few more minutes later]

Boog: You know, I don't need to brag. [pushes Fanboy into the ground] But I've been approached by some sponsors to play Chimp Chomp professionally. [Grabs Chum Chum and turns him into a ball] But I don't know if I want to give up my amateur status. [puts Chum Chum on Fanboy's head] You know, in case Chimp Chomp becomes an olympic sport.

[Boog hits Chum Chum until he falls into a sewer hole]

Boog: Alright! Whoo! Hole in one!

Boog: don't run too far you two. I wanna flatten you into pancakes and then go get some waffles alright. Yo loser, give me...

Lenny: [turns the sign that shows that there are no more tickets] Sorry. Sold out. No more tickets. [chuckles]

Boog: What? No more tickets? Where'd they all go?

[Mr. Mufflin walks away with the rest of the tickets in a shopping cart]

Mr. Mufflin: Boy, these coupons sure cost an arm and a leg. But I'm sure they'll help me save money in the long run.

Boog: But. But. But I gotta see the Chimp Chomp Movie! Chimp Chomp is my whole life! I play it everyday. Even on account I grew up in a Plastic Bubble. Can't you give me a ticket please?

Lenny: Oh. Sorry. They bought the last three.

Boog: [enters classroom] Boo boo boo-boo-boo boo-boo-boo-boo-boo... And stuff. Hear ye! Hear ye! Presenting the most radical king of all that's awesomely sweet, [brings out Fanboy] Fanboy! And his main man, the high duke of funkedelikness, mixmaster [brings out Chum Chum] Chum Chum! [puts them on their seats] There. Piece of cake.

Fanboy: Good. Now the other thing.

Boog: Aw come on!

Chum Chum: [shakes the ticket] Ticky ticky ticky!

Boog: Oh! [Grunts] Also, I like to make poopy, in my diaper. [class laughs]

Fanboy: That's my little Boogie-boo! [puts a pacifier on Boog] Now here's Boogie's little binky! [class laughs again]

[Fanboy, Chum Chum and Boog rush to the cinema, but arrive too late and get trampled by the crowd. Michael Johnson comes out]

Johnson: Chimp Chomp rocks! hee hee! That movie was bad! Shamoan!

[Chris Chuggy also comes out]

Fanboy/Chum Chum/Boog: We're too late?!?

Johnson: That's Not all you missed! Chimp Chomp was there in person, and he gave us our autographs, and monkey bites, and bags of money!

[The trio gasp in a fit of anger]

Boog: It was one night only, and you made me miss it!

Fanboy: No, you made us miss it!

Boog: I know one thing I won't miss, your face!

[Boog and Fanboy started fighting, Chum Chum broke them up]

Chum Chum: Guys, there's only one thing we can do!

Precious Pig [1.6.2]

Fangboy [1.7.1]

Kyle: You. Are not. A vampire. If you were, the sunlight would destroy you.

Fanboy: Today was supposed to be overcast. Curse you, channel 5 weather center. You've turned me to dust.

Kyle: You're not a vampire, and thank goodness. The very thought of an immortal fanboy is almost too much to bear.

Fanboy: [obliviously] Immortal. Ooh, I like the sound of that. I just wish I knew what it meant.

Kyle: It means that you live forever. Read a book sometime, Why don't you?

Fanboy: Chum Chum, what's the matter?

Chum Chum: [while sobbing] You're gonna live forever without me...and you don't even care!

Monster in the Mist [1.7.2]

Brain Drain [1.8.1]

Chum Chum: It's your move!

[Fanboy enters, wearing a pot on his head and banging on a pan]

Fanboy: [sung off-key] I'm a little teapot, shout shout shout!

This is my spout [emerges into three] this is my spout! [Three Fanboys fly away]

Fanboy: [grabs Yo] Hey! Wanna see how Chirp-Chirp taught me my times tables? [starts spinning around crazily on the floor]

Fanboyfriend [1.8.2]

Chicken Pox [1.9.1]

Moppy Dearest [1.9.2]

Chum Chum: Oh great, you found my cousin!

Muk Muk: [leaps onto Chum Chum] Muck muck!

Fanboy: Your cousin? You mean you really did have one?

Chum Chum: I told you silly. Fanboy, I'd like you to meet Muk Muk.

Muk Muk: Muck muck!

Fanboy: Oh, uh, hi, I'm Boyfan! [nervously giggles, does face palm] I mean I'm Fanboy. Did I just say I'm Boyfan? I'm Fanboy! Who would be named Boyfan? I mean, can you imagine such a thing? Why am I laughing so much? I love life! What can I say? Fanboy... [Muk Muk sniffs the hand he stretches out to her, she sneezes on it] I'll never wash this hand again...

[Fanboy sits on a bench outside school, sobbing]

Poopatine: Hey! What's the matter with you?

Fanboy: Well, if you must know, I lost my mop... And I don't know if I can get her back!

Poopatine: No! I meant I just painted the bench! Cant you read that sign? [Fanboy sees a sign on the bench saying "wet paint"]

Fanboy: You're right! I should fight for her! But what she doesn't take me back?

Poopatine: Get off this bench right now!

Fanboy: I'll never know unless I try.. I'll do it! [while shaking Poopatine's hand] Thanks Janitor Poopatine! [rushes back into the cafeteria] You're the best!

Norse-ing Around [1.10.1]

Fanboy: Oh, ahem, I am...

Thorvald: Don't tell me! That sunken skull - I would know it anywhere! You are Flathead! The human battering ram, who knocked down the great door of castle ragnor!

Fanboy: I also once tipped over a while rack of bikes.

Thorvald: [points to Chum Chum] And you! Stand stalwart and strong, though clearly your legs were pulled off by a fearsome 8-armed kracken. You are Half-legs! Long have the bards; sung your praises.

Chum Chum: Aww, stop...

Lenny: Hey, hey! You can't bring that boat in here! [Throvald growls at him] But, feel free to pillage whatever you want.

Chum Chum: Hi, Lenny.

Lenny: Oh, it's you two.

Thorvald: Lowly serf. We are thirsty from our journey. Bring us drink and leg of mutton.

Lenny: I'm not your serv- [Thorvald chops off the top of Lenny's hat with his battle axe, as the top of the hat slips and falls off; gets out a plate of mutton] You want cheese on that mutton? [smiles nervously]

The Janitor's Apprentice [1.10.2]

Fanboy: [Gasps] It's Janitor Poopatine!

Chum Chum: Poop! And he's driving a dumpster!

Poopatine: Huh? This is no dumpster! It's a highly advanced fully mechanized trash receptacle! I call it...the Dump Star!

Fanboy And Chum Chum: [pause] Ohhhhhh! That's nice! [The Dumpstar's claws grab them] Woah!

'Poopatine: Oh, Brenda, stop being so dramatic. They're not replacing you. I'm just teaching them a lesson. Whoa! [falls into the floor which is covered in peanut butter] What are you doing?

Fanboy: Everyone knows the best way to get out ketchup is with peanut butter. Or is it soapy water?

Poopatine: [growls] STOP THIS AT ONCE!

Fanboy:Hold off on the peanut butter, chum.

Chum Chum: [on the roof of the cafeteria] Boy, this peanut butter really sticks to the roof of your school.

Poopatine: I See You Have Failed. Perhaps I can find another task better suited to your feeble skills.

Poopatine: Stop the Dump Star!

Fanboy: Uh, Chum Chum. I think the hologram's talking, but I don't see anything.

Poopatine: Look at me, you nitwits!

Chum Chum: I don't think I like its tone. [the Poopatine Hologram from earlier appears]

Poopatine Hologram: Not me, you nitwits. Him! [points] [Fanboy and Chum Chum see that the hologram was pointing at the real Poopatine, who is on Brenda and is shaking his fist angrily at them]

Chum Chum: Hey, Janitor Poopatine.

Poopatine: Pull over! Pull over!

Fanboy: I think he wants us to honk the horn. [Chum Chum honks the horn] How's that, huh? More horn? He wants more horn. [Chum Chum honks the horn many times]

Excuse Me [1.11.1]

Mr. Mufflin: Just put it on the trident. [Receives the note] An excuse note, huh? Better be a pretty good one. [reads the note] "Please excuse the boys for being late." [cut to the hesitated boys, he continues offscreen] "They were knitting tea cozies for elderly ninjas." [back on him] Ninjas, huh? I thought I'd heard everything! But that...

[Cut to the boys and zoom in on them look on scared. Suddenly...]

Mr. Mufflin: ...Is the sweetest gesture I've ever heard! Now, those lucky ninjas can enjoy warm tea after a night of blowing poison darts into their enemies' necks. [The boys confused as he says this.] Tardiness excused! [blows nose]

[The Late Net releases them.]

Mr. Mufflin: Homework. Homework. Homework. [Finds a pink sheet] This isn't homework, it's some sort of a note.

[The main 3 look on, super-excited]

Mr. Mufflin: Ohh. "Saving kittens...from an oil spill"?! [cries] You're excused from last night's homework. [Kyle gives him another note] "And the kittens had puppies -- in an avalanche"?! [bawling] You -- you don't have to do homework for the rest of the week!

[The main 3 give each other a two-thumbs up]

Mr. Mufflin: I need a moment! [blows nose loudly]

Mr. Mufflin: A note, huh? "Please...excuse...Fan...kyle...chum...from Mr. Mufflin's class...forever. Flea Bee Pea ninnie Knee Mercue leh." Well, this seems to be in order. [Fanboy, Chum Chum and Kyle giggle] Fan-Kyle-Chum!

Fankylechum: Present! [Fanboy, Chum Chum and Kyle loom on, horrified. He walks up to Mr. Mufflin]

Mr. Mufflin: Yup. Looks like you're free to go!

Fankylechum: Thank you! Now I can play recess forever! [Fanboy, Chum Chum and Kyle's jaws drop]

Night Morning [1.11.2]

Fanboy: Ok... ...Would you take a few follow-up questions?

Chum Chum: Sure.

Fanboy: Can you eat sweet potatoes? Can you play Chimp Chomp? Can you read comic books? Can you break dance? Can you talk to fish? Can you eat cheese through your ear? Can you chew gum whist walk?! Are there rocket cars? Are they red? Are there blueberries? Are they red? [unintelligible] Muh muh muh ma? Muh muh muh ma? [spits, still unintelligible] Muh muh muh ma? Muh muh muh ma?! Can you wear clown shoes? Can you drink pudding through a straw? Can you ride a dog like a horse? Are the banks open? [screaming over noise] Can you dance with mummies? [whispering] Can you get a good bagel? Does it rain hot gravy? [SLAM] Will a Sasquatch give back rubs? [SLAM] Does it rain hot gravy? Are there unlimited chicken drummettes? Do monkeys shine your shoes? Is Duke there?

Chum Chum: Well-

Fanboy: Can you eat electricity? Can you pet a live tiger? [slightly less crazed] Can you hand me some toilet paper? Can you wear white after labor day? Do the shrimp peel and eat themselves? Of course they do! What am I thinking? It’s Night-Morning! Anything Can Happen!

Chum Chum: I don't know if you're intrested, but if you want, you can do Night-Morning with me.

Fanboy: [surprised spit] ME?!? DO NIGHT MORNING?!?!? I'm going to Night Morning! I don't think I can sleep! I need a lullaby. [Lullabysongy] ♪ Night Morning, Night Morning, Niiiiight Morrrning... ♪ ♪ Night Morning...Night Morning...Niiiight...Morrr... ♪

[As Fanboy floats into bed, Chum Chum turns off the light and sleeps for a few moments when...]

Chum Chum's alarm: Night morning! Night morning! Night morning! Night morning!

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha [1.12.1]

[Marsha approaches Fanboy]

Marsha: Hello, Fanboy. Remember me? It's Marsha.

Fanboy: Who? Come again?

Marsha: [spitting, Fanboy and Chum Chum pull out an umbrella to try and guard themselves from Marsha's spit] Marsssssssha.

Fanboy: Oh, sure. You're that-we used to-didn't we-you know, over by the um-yeah, I got nothing.

Marsha: [shows photo] Maybe this will refresh your memory. [points at Fanboy on the photo] This is you, and [points at herself on the photo] that was me!

Fanboy: But that was Marsha. She was all nice and sweet. And you...ooh.

Marsha: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU RUINED ME!

[Flashback to years ago when she was chipper]

Mr. Mufflin: One minute left. No pressure, kids, but your entire future depends on how you do on this test. Not that my prized pupil Marsha has anything to worry about!

[Marsha cheerfully places an apple on Mr. Mufflin’s head]

Fanboy: Hey, Chum Chum. [points at pencils stuck up his nose] Check me out!

Mr. Mufflin: Time's up. Pass your tests forward.

Fanboy: [Sneezes on Marsha's test] Best of luck, Marsha.

[End of flashback]

Marsha: YOU RUINED MY TEST! I scored so low, they sent me back to kindergarten!

Fanboy: Oh, that Marsha.

Marsha: I used to read two levels above my grade, now I spend my days writing "Pat sat on a mat" with a pencil that’s fat! [breaks a pencil that matches what she said] It's all so...

Miss Olive: [off camera] Does anyone have to go potty?

Marsha: I have to make a Tinky-wink! [To Fanboy, with her eyeballs protruding toward him] Humiliating.

Fanboy: I’m sorry, Marsha. I had no idea! Maybe you could take the test...again?

Marsha: I'm stuck in here!

Fanboy: Uhh, well maybe I could take it for you. I think I still got a few answers up here.

Marsha: Oh-ho-ho, It’s too late for tests! Now is the time for revenge! [points at the clock] See the little hand’s on the eight, and the big hand’s on...your throat!

Miss Olive: [off camera] Snack Time, everyone!

Marsha: Ooh! Orange slices! [Rips off her pigtails. At Fanboy] You got lucky this time, Fanboy, but come naptime, you're gonna take...a PERMANENT nap!

[She leaves, but pops down from above to talk to Chum Chum]

Marsha: But it's really nice to see you, Chum Chum.

[Marsha gives Fanboy a "you're going down" motion, then disappears]

Chum Chum: Wow, Marsha looks great, huh?

Fanboy: [nervously] Uh, yeah.

[Zoom to Marsha sitting on a stool. She smiles and growls as the colors turn red. As she does this, she has orange slices in her teeth. Fade to black]

Fanboy: No! [To Miss Olive] Uh, Miss Olive? I was thinking. Naps are very healthy for growing bodies, but so is Vitamin D! And what better source of Vitamin D than the warming rays of... [Opens the blinds and sees a solar eclipse, gasping] A Solar Eclipse?!? CURSE YOU, SEMI-ELLIPTICAL ORBIT!!! You know what we need? Music. [goes over to the record player and turns up the volume] Okay, everybody! On your feet!

[The song is actually Brahms' Lullaby. He gasps as he spies the kids starting to fall asleep around him. He then sulks disgustedly]

Miss Olive: Let’s all close our eyes and take the cloud-ferry to Sleepy time Island.

[She turns off the lights and starts to leave, but Fanboy turns them back on]

Miss Olive: Ut, ut, ut. When we go night-night, there's no light-light.

[As she says this, she turns off the lights again. But Fanboy turns them back on]

Miss Olive: Now, now, light switches aren't for little hands.

[She turns them off again. Fanboy sticks his foot up and turns the lights back on a final time]

Fanboy: Huh?

Miss Olive: Okay, [giggles] I think someone needs a time out! Come along, Mister. You’re going to spend naptime in the gingerbread house. [Shows him a toy gingerbread playhouse]

Fanboy: You mean me? In there? All alone? The whole time? Well, if you think it’s best.

[He walks into the house] [Inside the playhouse...]

Fanboy: Well, Marsha, looks like you messed with the wrong coward. [notices a graffiti on the wall] Huh. [reading] "Marsha was here." [sees another graffiti of him being cooked in a cauldron, Marsha feeding him to a shark, her jumping on him, and her riding on a rat, commanding it to eat him alive; gasps in horrified shock by seeing these; spots one more that reads…] "Marsha is here." [Zoom out to see Marsha standing in front of him and staring evilly at him; screams] MARSHA! How-how-how did you get in here so fast?!

Marsha: I said "poopy."

Fanboy: That's it?

Marsha: I've got priors.

Fanboy: [sits down] Marsha, stay back. [stands up with toy scissors] I'm warning you! These can almost cut paper! [She swats them away] AHH! HELP!! HELP ANYONE!!!

Marsha: I've been dreaming of this moment during every naptime! Nothing is going to stop me from getting my revenge! REVENGE!

Secret Shopper [1.12.2]

Chum Chum: Lenny's not sleeping behind the counter! Boog's not goofing off at the Chimp Chomp machine! Who's gonna peel the skin off the nacho cheese? Who's gonna wipe the sweat off the hot dogs?! Who's gonna pick the flies out of the mayonnaise and put em in the chili?!? THIS PLACE IS GONNA FALL APART!

Fanboy: Not on MY WATCH! [smacks a fly]

Prank Master [1.13.1]

Fanboy: Gum-gum, Chum Chum? [hands Chum Chum some chewing gum. Chum Chum chews it, then opens his mouth to reveal a purple-toothed smile]

Chum Chum: It tastes like purple!

[Fanboy falls after Yo ties his shoelaces]

Yo: Yay! My first prank!

Fanboy: Beginners' luck, Yo.

Yo: Here, let me help you up! [electrocutes Fanboy as she does]

Fanboy: Got me again. You're a fast learner.

Yo: (hands Fanboy a cup of water) You look like you could use some water.

Fanboy: That would be...(a piranha bites Fanboy's nose) PIRANHA!!!!! (bangs his head on the floor than tosses the piranha off his nose) You got quite a streak going, Yo.

Yo: And I owe it all to you! (hands Fanboy a present) Here, I want you to have this present.

Fanboy: Oooh! I like... (Sprinkles the bear jumps out of the box and attacks Fanboy)

Yo: Thanks a lot, Fanboy!

Fanboy: Eh, don't mention it. (Sprinkles attacks Fanboy again) Augh, watch the face!

Little Glop of Horrors [1.13.2]

Fanboy: Hey Kyle, it's Pizza Day! Come play "pizza monkeys" with us!

Kyle: [with disdain] You two are "pizza monkeys"? What do you do? Throw your...pooperoni?

Fanboy/Chum Chum: [hysterical laughter] Pooperoni!

Kyle: [sigh] I'm witty day after day, and this is what they laugh at?

[the boys are at their table, staring glumly at the glop in front of them]

Chum Chum: How does she expect us to eat this? It's burning my eyes just to look at it!

Kyle: You public school students are so soft. Why, at Milkweed Academy, I was once forced to consume a beaver stomach tartare in a swamp bilge ragout. This'll be like a spoonful of Turkish delight. [takes a spoonful, releasing a cloud of fart] Oh, my, I'm going to be unwell. [topples over]

Mrs. Cram: I hear it coming up, but I don't see it going down! START SLURPING!!!! IT'LL MAKE YOU BIG AND STRONG!!!!! [lifts Fanboy and Chum Chum's table and then drops it to the ground]

[the students arrive with their empty trays]

Fanboy: Well, we're all done. Really enjoyed all of it: the scooping it up, the chewing, the swallowing. Mm-mmm!

[Mrs. Cram notices that Fanboy's milk carton is shaking]

Mrs. Cram: Why's your milk carton vibrating?!

Fanboy:[Nervously] um... ...it's a milkshake?

Mrs. Cram: OPEN IT!!!

Fanboy: Uuuuuhhhh.... [all the glop explodes from the carton]

Lupe: Maybe we shouldn't have stuffed it all in one cartons.

Kyle: Well, the rest of you can sit here and gawk at your goop. But I have on my possession, a very large compendium of spell and charms. [Kyle's necronomicon comes to life] Necronomicon, I need your help to make something disappear.

Necronomicon: Ooh!

[Kyle walks up to Mrs. Cram and gives her his empty tray]

Kyle: Thanks ever so for the nummy-nummies. Now, I'm off to do some light reading whilst thy digest.[Mrs. Cram swipes Kyle's necronomicon]

Mrs. Cram: Gimme that! Doesn't feel light to me! [shakes Kyle's necronomicon]

Necronomicon: No! No! Don't shake me! No, no!

Kyle: [nervously] Careful, that's a very delicate volume.

Necronomicon: Oh dear! I think I'm going to... [Mrs. Cram faces the necronomicon to Kyle which pukes on him, Kyle then walks back to the table, head covered in glop, angry, and holding his necromicon] oh... It feels that I have gone through my entire table of contents.

Fanboy: [jumps out of a pot] Knitting a sweater for the grandkid?

Mrs. Cram: It's for my cat! She's 55 lbs. of love! So, D'you finished your glop? It'll make you BIG AND STRONG!!!!

Fanboy: That's what I wanted to talk about, Mrs. Cram. May I call you Cramella? [Mrs. Cram has a blank face] Crama-lama-ding-dong? Okay, not budging on the name. I'll cut to the cheese. We'd like to go. You'd Like us to stay here 'till our bones crumble to dust. I think there's a little ground, So, I Am Gonna write a number for how many minutes I think we should stay. Does it sound like something you'd be interested in? [hands Mrs. Cram the paper]

Mrs. Cram: This isn't a number, it's a W.

Fanboy: You drive a hard bargain! OK, tell ya what, I'll cut my offer in half [tears the piece of paper in half] from a W to just a U.

Mrs. Cram: That's a V.

Fanboy: [sighs] Look, if you're not even gonna negotiate!

Total Recall [1.14.1]

TV Announcer: It's time for "The Super Spy Adventures of Agent 08"! Tonight's episode: "License to Krill".

Fanboy: We love your show, Agent 08. Especially the episode when you jumped over that shark.

Chum Chum: Yeah, that’s when it really started to get good!

TV Announcer: We interrupt this episode of Agent 08 with breaking news. A new toy, by the name of Agent 08, has been found to be extremely dangerous.

Fanboy: Dangerous? Agent 08? What do they mean?

Chum Chum: [pries Agent 08 off his face just enough to eat a handful of popcorn] I dunno.

TV Announcer: We’ve received several reports that the toy has a tendency to explode!

Fanboy: That’s crazy. I think we would’ve noticed if it-[Agent 08 explodes] Agent 08? You... explode?

Fanboy And Chum Chum: WICKED!! [it explodes again, knocking the couch backwards]

TV Announcer: The toy company is sending out representatives to recall the toy.

Fanboy: [peering over couch] Wait, wait, my ears are still ringing. What did he just say?

Chum Chum: They're gonna take away our Agent 08!

Fanboy: Never! They’ll have to pry it from my cold red face!

Refill Madness [1.14.2]

Lenny: Where have you been? Your shift started 7 hours ago!

Boog: That reminds me, I gotta leave early, Sandy's getting fitted for new mudflaps. [eats jerky and walks away as Lenny growls]

Lenny: Did you see those weirdos? Carrying that dumb Frosty Freezy Freeze cup around in a briefcase? [chuckles]

Oz: Well, it is super valuable.

Boog: What do you mean, val-u-able?

Oz: It's from an old promotion the Frosty Mart ran: Unlimited free refills.

Lenny: Unlimited free refills? They must not know what they have, or else they'd never leave. [scene zooms in on him] Can you imagine the horror?

[Scene changes to a black and white setting of Lenny running away from Fanboy and Chum Chum, accompanied by clones of themselves flying, all holding cups]

Fanboy/Chum Chum: REFILL! REFILL! REFILL! REFILL!

Chum Chum: Oh, that reminds me. Maybe I should wash the caramel and peanut butter off my hands. [has said peanut butter and caramel stretching between his hand and the game panel]

Boog: [laughs] Oh, you are mine now, cup! [reaches his hand into an oven by mistake]

Chum Chum: Hot dogs! Hot dogs! Get 'em while they're hot!

Boog: [Scalds his hand and screams as he runs around the mart before letting his hand cool] [sigh of relief] The ancient heal ing powers of relish.

Fanboy: Thanks for the Chimp Chomp, Boog. Oh, I almost forgot. This broke off. [gives Boog a broken-off joystick, Boog wimpers] Whoo-hoo! wait for me! [exits]

[Lenny enters the Frosty Mart with his bottom half encased in a giant pink ice cube using skiing poles to move. Boog stares at him, confused.]

Lenny: [Clearly annoyed] I lost three toes. Tell me we got that cup. [Boog whimpers and shows him the broken joystick.]

[Not pleased, Lenny stomps on Boog's foot]

Boog: [Shrieks in pain] AAAAAGH!!!

Boog: So here's the plan. They put the cup in the cup holder, and... [puts a cup in a cup holder, which slides in and its compartment closes] bada-bing, bada-boom! The cup is ours! [both laugh] That's good, right? [drives Sandy to Fanboy and Chum Chum] Hey, boys. Need a lift?

Fanboy: Yeah, I'm guessing a "lift" is some new form of wedgie, so we're gonna pass.

Boog: No, I'll give you a ride in my car.

Chum Chum: You'd let us ride in Sandy?

Fanboy: Come on, Chum Chum! We can finish our contest later!

Lenny: What was your contest?

Fanboy: Seeing who can step in the most gum.

Fanboy/Chum Chum: [both leap into Sandy with gum on their feet] Yaaaaay!

Boog: [anxiously] Uh, tell me you're not getting gum...on the carpet?

Fanboy: Nope, [he and Chum Chum stretch gum on their feet] it's all on the seats. [Boog grumbles]

Lenny: Uh, say, fellas. If you like, we can put that cup in the cup holder for ya. [chuckles]

Chum Chum: Look, Cuppy. A special seat just for you.

[Fanboy starts to reach Cuppy out to the cup holder, but abruptly stops]

Chum Chum: Hey, it's Oz!

[Lenny tries to get the cup but Fanboy's arm moves before he can get it. He and Boog grumble]

Fanboy: [seeing Oz cross the street] Hey, Oz. Can we give you a ride?

Oz: Well, I've already walked my thirty steps for the day. What the heck? [opens car door] Comin' in! [gets in, squashing Lenny to the window] If you can just scoot over a little, yeah, here we go -- over here.

Boog: Hey, hey, watch where you're -- [Oz leans against him as he screams]

Oz: ...sure are snug, let me just use a little grease from this chicken. There we go! [pants] With room to spare. [holds a bucket of chicken legs] So what's up? [pants]

Boog: [annoyed] Anyone else you'd like to PICK UP?!

[All three are eating chicken legs]

Fanboy: Well, now that you mention it. [Boog grumbles] Thanks for giving all our friends a ride!

Oz: uh... I'm curious. Were you planning on applying the brake, before we crash into the Frosty Mart?

[Lenny and Boog turn around and see they're about to crash into the Frosty Mart's entrance and scream, followed along by everyone else; CRASH!]

[At The End of Episode]

Fanboy/Chum Chum: (flying through the sky, accompanied by clones of themselves) REFILL! REFILL! REFILL! REFILL! REFILL! REFILL! REFILL! REFILL! REFILL!

[Boog and Lenny scream]

The Frosty Bus [1.15.1]

Boog: How do you like that hot air, boys? I switched out the tanks! [laughs]

[They suddenly pop off the spouts and fly all over the place, finally hitting the ground, wimpy]

Fanboy: Oh, why, Boog? Why you gotta make it so hard?

Boog: Cause I like messing with you dweebs! And I love balloons. [Flies away on a bouquet of helium balloons while laughing]

[The scene switches with boog driving a Frosty Bus]

Boog: ♪ Well, you know I got to stop you ♪

♪ And then I'm gonna bop it ♪ ♪ That's why I am so popular ♪ ♪ Cause I'm the king of bopping you all ♪ ♪ Bop boppin', no, I can't stop, yo bop boppin' ♪ ♪ Your eyes will be poppin' oh yeah ♪ ♪ Bob boppin', ooh I got to bop a lot ♪ [a police siren is heard]

Boog: Aw man, the fuzz!

[Fanboy as a traffic police cop, driving Chum Chum as a motorbike. They catch up with Boog, with Fanboy standing by the bus door. Fanboy taps the windscreen which Boog nervously winds down]

Fanboy: [in a Texan accent] License and registration, sir.

Boog: What'd I do, officer? Was it that lady's garden gnomes I drove through? 'Cause I swear those little twerps started it!

Fanboy: I'll ask the question, sir. [Chum Chum comes next to Fanboy making noises which Fanboy stops] You one of them yankee fellas running Frosty Freezy Freeze down into these parts? Hmm?

Boog: Huh? I was just--

Fanboy: Don't you back-sass me! Well I guess I'm gonna have to confiscate all the Frost Freezy Freeze you got on board.

Boog: Whatever you say, officer! I don't want no trouble!

Chum Chum': [radio voice] 1-Adam-12, 1-Adam-12, we have a 10-3512 in progress. All units must proceed. Over. [static noise]

Fanboy: Looks like today's your lucky day. [rides off on Chum Chum]

The Tell Tale Toy [1.15.2]

Fanboy: [Gasps] HOW DARE YOU, SIR?!? Where did you get such a cockamamie idea?

Chum Chum: Well...

[Flashback to many years ago]

Baby Chum Chum: You broke-ted my teddy bear!

Baby Fanboy: [Nibbles on a teddy's arm, spits it out] Sorry.

Baby Chum Chum: [Holds plate broken into half] You broke my Man-Arctica plate!

Baby Fanboy: [Hides a catapult behind his back] Sorry.

Baby Chum Chum: My tiny toy turtle!

Baby Fanboy: [While welding the turtle] Sorry.

[End of flashback]

Fanboy: Wow, you're right, I do break all of your stuff! I'm sorry, Chum Chum, I feel awful.

Cold War [1.16.1]

[Fanboy feels 'relieved' after a sneeze on Chum Chum]

Chum Chum: You did that on purpose!

Fanboy: Nuh uh! If I'd a done it on purpose, I would've done this! [Sneezes in slow-mo on Chum Chum really hard]

Chum Chum: [wipes face off] This ends now!

Fanboy: You are!

Kyle: Hello!? Why would I want to spend any time at all with you snot-filled troll babies!?

Fanboy/Chum Chum: 'Cause you're my best friend! [both gasp, then growl at one another]

Kyle: Your...best friend? Really, I don't know what to say...I... I always assumed you despised me as much as I despised you.

Kyle: There, I have given you what-for!

Chum Chum: Nope, I moved.

Kyle: You didn't move!

Chum Chum: I'm too quick. You didn't see. But now, I chop your arm off! [wacks his ninja against Kyle's, making its left arm fall off]

Kyle: Huh? Oh. All right then. Perhaps you'll feel the force of both my parry and my thrust! [giggles while "attacking" Chum Chum's ninja] Oh, ho! I've cut you to the quick!

Chum Chum: Uh-uh! You bounced off my force field.

Kyle: [was about to do a victory dance, but stops] Force field? Ninjas don't have force fie --

Chum Chum: And then, I use my sonic ray to pretzel-ize your legs! ["Attacks" Kyle's ninja]

Kyle: Don't do that! Huh? [Looks at his ninja's legs in a bow] Oh.

Fanboy: Ooo, sonic turbo ninjas. [At Chum Chum] Did you use your mystical throwing cow? Here! [gives him a wooden cow]

Chum Chum: Ooo, good call. [throws the cow at Kyle's ninja, making its right arm fall off]

Kyle: [slightly irritated] So, we're going to play loosey-goosey with the rules, are we? Well, what do you think of this? [Takes Chum Chum's ninja, jumps on it, hits it against the door, then rips it in half. He then sighs] There! Taste of your own medicine. [falls to the floor and groans]

Chum Chum: Missed me!

Kyle: Huh?

Fanboy: And...your head explodes.

[The head on Kyle's ninja explodes. Kyle isn't very happy now]

Kyle: GRR! YOU'RE CHEATERS! CHARLATANS! WITH YOUR -- MADE-UP RULES AND YOUR -- AIRBORNE LIVESTOCK?!? I CALL SHENANIGANS!!!

Fanboy/Chum Chum: PANCAKE FIGHT!

Kyle: Oh, help, help, help! [gets hit with a pancake]

Fanboy: Ooh, a red-hot huckleberry, and on your first try.

Chum Chum: That gets you a sky-high rocket ride.

[He puts the rocket on Kyle. Screaming, Kyle flies all over the Fanlair and lands in the bathroom] [Kyle comes out of the bathroom with a toilet on his head, speech unable to understand. He finally gets the toilet off]

Kyle: AND I REFUSE TO SPEND ONE MORE MOMENT IN THIS NUTHOUSE! LET! ME! OUT OF HERE!

Fanboy in the Plastic Bubble [1.16.2]

Boog: Hey, Hey! Perhaps You Didn't See Our Store Policy. Buy, Or Be BOPPED!!

Lenny: Boog, what are you doing? You can't sell junk in the parking lot.

Boog: I'm just getting rid of junk I don't need. [he blows up another balloon]

Lenny: Cat massage made easy? Stress to itch cream? Hey, this stuff is mine!

Boog: Like I said. I don't need it. [releases the balloon causing it to deflate as Lenny walks away and Boog laughs]

Boog: End of the line, boys. [in high-pitched voice] You got these bops coming! [Fanboy and Chum Chum both laugh as their voices also become high-pitched] Why you laughing?

Fanboy: Your voice, it’s funny!

Chum Chum: [chuckles] So is ours!

Fanboy: Hey, you’re right.

[The boys continue laughing; Boog growls and threatens to bop them but the boys get out of the bubble and spray more helium at him with the dispenser and close the bubble as it floats upwards to the moon]

Boog: I’m gonna bop you so hard when I get out here! Man, it’s hard to sound tough with this voice.

Fanboy: I wonder how he's gonna get down from there.

Chum Chum: I don’t know.

[POP!]

Boog: STUPID POINTY MOON! [crashes into a tree] I’m stuck in a tree!

Sigmund the Sorcerer [1.17.1]

Oz: It's him, It's him!

Cloud Sigmund: Wrong! Ze real Sigmund is over zere.

Oz: It's him!, It's him!

Sigmund: You've been dazzled...by Sigmund Ze Sorcerer!

Oz: Ok, my mind is SERIOUSLY freaked!

Fanboy and Chum Chum: You know Sigmund?

Kyle: I'm afraid so. And let me tell you... [They use Kyle to knock the crowd out of the way and put him in front of Sigmund] ...only to make others feel sad about themselves. And I hope to never lay eyes upon him again! [Chum Chum pulls his eyelids open] Oh, hello, look who it is.

Kyle: Hello, Sigmund.

Sigmund: Vell, if it isn't Kyle...ze CONSTIPATOR! [laughs]

Kyle: You know PERFECTLY well that it's Kyle the Conjurer!

Chum Chum: Could I get your autograph?

Sigmund: You already have it! Check ze insides of your eyelids.

Chum Chum: [closes eyes to see Sigmund's autograph] Ooh whoa! I'll never open my eyes again.

Sigmund: Oh, Baby pheasant, How unexpecticuly posh?, I suppose, I could force it down. Ah, Ah, Ah!

Kyle: What are you doing?

Sigmund: Why is my dinner not serving itself to me?! Your house is enchanted, is it not?

Kyle: Enchanted?

Sigmund: Yeah, enchanted! Teapots that pour their own tea, napkins that jump into your lap, knives that cut without you holds them, ENCHANTED!!!

Kyle: Well, well. So, Kyle the Constipator finally has something the great Sigmund wants. Well tough toads, they're not for sale!

Sigmund: I'll get you readmitted to Milkweed.

Kyle: Really?

Sigmund: I'm on the board. Hehe.

Kyle: Sold! I'll just go pack, shall I?

Fanboy: Oh don't feel bad, Kyle. You still have your friends.

Kyle: Yes, I suppose I am a winner after all.

Chum Chum: Group hug!

[Kyle hugs the two still hanging upside down with dynamite. An explosion off screen with the words "THE END" as a result]

Fanboy and Chum Chum: You've been dazzled!

Kyle: You make it so difficult.

Fanboy A'hoy [1.17.2]

Fanboy: All righty, me hearties, if ye be ready for treasure, say "aye".

Everyone: Arr!

Fanboy: Close enough. Treasure, ho!

[The Fanlair is back atop its building]

Fanboy: Huh. I don't understand it. We dug up the whole town, but still no treasure. What arr we gonna do?

Chum Chum: I dunno, but we better do it soon. Me thinks the crew be getting restless.

[Fanboy notices his crew disgruntled. Kyle cracks his knuckles, while Fankylechum sharpens his axe on a grinding wheel]

Fanboy: Blow me down! There be mutiny in their eyes! We be done for!

Chum Chum: Uh...quick! Tell them about the treasure again!

Fan vs. Wild [1.18.1]

Chum Chum: Fanboy, is this the end?

Fanboy: I'm afraid so, little buddy...

[Both stare sadly at each other, their eyes full of luster. They run towards and tearfully hug each other.]

Chum Chum: I just want you to know you're the best friend anyone could've ever hoped for!

Fanboy: Not better than you, little buddy! I'll never forget you!

Chum Chum: And I'll never forget you!

[They distance themselves a bit and turn towards Kyle]

Fanboy: Oh, and of course Kyle, we can't forget him.

Kyle: Indeed, yes, good, show all the way around.

Fanboy: Boy, Chum Chum, can you believe after all we've been through, this is where it ends?

Chum Chum: Yeah, we had some good times, didn't we?

Fanboy: Boy, it feels like just yesterday we met...

[Flashback to preschool where they were very little]

Baby Fanboy: [toddles towards and waves at Chum Chum] Hi!

Baby Chum Chum: [pokes Fanboy's left eye] Eye!

[End of flashback]

Fanboy: We were so innocent...

The Incredible Shrinking Fanboy [1.18.2]

Fanboy: [tries to pretend to open the oven in the dollhouse] How do you…get the…uh. I gonna have to call the oven guy tomorrow. [his stomach growls; groans] I wish my appetite would shrink as much as the rest of me. [spies a candy bar on the chair outside] Hey. It's one of those candy bars that made Oz grow. Maybe if I ate it, I could grow too! Maybe even back to normal size!

Separation Anxiety [1.19.1]

Mr. Mufflin: BE QUIET!!! It's Quiet Time! Can't you read?! [Points to a note on the blackboard reading "QUIET TIME"]

Fanboy: Reading? I don't think we've covered that.

Chum Chum: Yeah, what grade do you think we're in?

Mr. Mufflin: [Picks up F&C] We'll call this strike 1! Now, take your seats, [Puts F&C at their desks] And I don't want to hear a peep! I need absolute quiet while I work on my model Swiss Village. Ooh! Winter's coming early! [sprinkles some fake snow onto the model and yodels]

Mr. Mufflin: Oh, my beautiful town of Mufflinflusen! [To F&C] I am so angry, I can see straight! THAT'S STRIKE 2! Time for your punishment!

Chum Chum: Punishment? But don't we get 3 strikes?

Kyle: [Floating upside down from the ceiling] Ooh, Ooh, back sass! Isn't that strike 3? [disappears]

Mr. Mufflin: The butt-kisser's right.

Kyle: [reappears] Thank you. [disappears again]

Mr. Mufflin: You leave me no choice but... to SEPARATE YOUR DESKS!!!!

Kyle: Oopsie, heh. Auf Wiedersehen!

[End of montage]

Mr. Mufflin: Ooh-ah. Oh, sweet Mufflinflusen! [crying then, enraged] You two! [picks up F&C] You destroyed MUFFLINFLUSEN! That's it, I am separating you two... PERMANENTLY!

Fanboy and Chum Chum: WHAT?!?

Mr. Mufflin: I'm gonna see to it you're in separate classrooms. MAYBE EVEN SEPARATE SCHOOLS! [Puts F&C at their desks, then kicks Chum Chum's to the wall]

Chum Chum: NOOOOOOOOO!!!

Fanboy: No Mr. Mufflin, please! Chinese destiny, KIDNEY, SPACE TIME CONTINUUM!!!

Mr. Mufflin: Yeah, yeah, fate of the universe. I've heard it all be- FOR THE LOVE OF LEDERHOSEN!

Strings Attached [1.19.2]

Puppet Fanboy: My--my arms are wood. My legs are wood. I’m not a boy anymore. I’m a wooden toy. This is AWESOME!!!

The Book Report of the Dead [1.20.1]

Kyle:Oh, Mr. Mufflin! Fanboy didn't write his book report!

[after Zombie Mufflin vaporizes Kyle]

Kyle: Ow. I just got ash on my new trainers.

Stan-Arctica [1.20.2]

[Repeated Line]

Fanboy, Chum Chum & Oz: STAN!

Man-Arctica the Ride [1.21.1]

Fanboy: I've been lying here for hours trying to figure out why I tied this string to my finger. I know it was to help me remember something, but what?!?

[Fanboy hits the celing and sees the Man-Arctica ride ad]

Fanboy: What's this? Man-Arctica presents: The Ice Scream Extreme, opening today?!? Chum Chum, come up here and high-five me!

Fan-bidextrous [1.21.2]

[Fanboy has finished reading the AmbiDexter comic]

Fanboy: Man, I wish I has two arms like that guy, think of all the amazing things I could do.

Chum Chum: Uh, Fanboy? You do have two arms.

Fanboy: Tcha, I wish!

Chum Chum: Uh, right there, buddy.

Fanboy: Ah! snake! snake!

Chum Chum: It's okay. it's okay, Fanboy. I'd like you to meet your left arm.

Fanboy: Oh, nice to meet you, left arm. Firm handshake. I like this guy.

Chum Chum: I've been trying to get you two together for a while.

Fanboy: Woah. I have two arms. I have two arms! Oh, this is gonna open up a whole new world of possibility!

Saving Private Chum Chum [1.22.1]

Duke: We're in some pretty poop now, Sarge! Game over, man! Game over!

Fanboy: Come On, Troops, If We Rush Him, we can't blast all of us!

Lupe: I'd Say We Leave.

Jingle Fever [1.22.2]

[At beginning of episode]

Lenny: [finds an ad about the Jingle Contest] Write the winning jingle for the Frosty Mart and win a million Frosty Bucks? What?!? [sips] They're gonna let- [sips] our customers write the jingle? [sips] But they're all idiots.

[Fanboy and Chum Chum enter and perform their Dollar Dance]

Chum Chum: [singing] Frooostyyyy Maaaart! Oh wait, that's not right.

Fanboy: No, wait a minute! Try that again.

Chum Chum: [singing] Frooostyyyy Maaaart!

Dollar-nator: Ding.

Fanboy: Nice ding, Dollar-nator.

Dollar-nator: I was just riding on your groove, man.

Lenny: Hey, crazy futuristic robot thing. Come over here, I want to show you something. It's right here next to the microwave.

Dollar-nator: No! I should not be near a microwave! I have a pacemaker!

Lenny: Aw, that's too bad. Then I'll just put it on BAKED POTATO!!!

Fanboy and Chum Chum: [singing] We wanna live at the Frosty Mart!

Dollar-nator: Ding.

Eyes on the Prize [1.23.1]

Battle of the Stands [1.23.2]

Fanboy: Dollarnator, come on! What's their secret? Why are they selling so much lemonade?

Dollar-nator: Don't rush me. It's a process. [he swirls in the cup] Good legs, [then sniffs it] nice bouquet, [inserts the cup in his mouth and processes it] identifying component ingredients... Artificial lemon flavoring, sugar substitute substitute, imitation water... Analysis... [spits the lemonade] Horrible!

Fanboy: No, but I can explain. Because...um...well... [rips off Yo's hair] this isn't Yo's real hair!

Yo: Oh, Yeah? Well...Chum Chum's left leg isn't real! [Chum Chum's leg springs off of him.]

Chum Chum: Oh yeah? Well...Lupe's really a robo-droid being operated by a smaller Lupe!

[The Mini Lupe comes out of Lupe's head.]

Mini Lupe: [controlling Lupe with a joystick] Ay! Pay no attention! Pay no attention!

[the girls jump on them, starting a big ball of violence which smashes both lemonade stands]

Mufflin: [offscreen] A-a-ahem!

[the fight stops, Yo punches Fanboy one last time]

Fanboy: Oh, hey, guys.

Janitor Poopatine: What a pathetic display.

Mufflin: [holding Fanboy, Chum Chum, Yo and Lupe's money jars] We are taking back our money, and spending it somewhere more respectable!

Lunch Lady Cram: Hey! Like that Frosty Freezy Freeze stand across the street! [Pan over to Dollarnator at a Frosty Freezy Freeze stand where the boys' lemonade stand was at the start of the episode]

Dollar-nator: Next, please.

Fanboy, Chum Chum, Yo and Lupe: Dollarnator???? [the crowd runs to the stand]

Dollar-nator: Come on, guys. Lemonade was so three minutes ago.

Lord of the Rings [1.24.1]

Fanboy: Hang on, Kyle! I'll pull you up!

Kyle: No! I'd rather plummet to my Demise than go on without knowing how to do that ring trick!

Fanboy: That's crazy! You fall into lava just because you don't know how to rotate your wrist a quarter turn and gently pull? [realizes he revealed the secret] Oh, no.

Kyle: [discovers it all came back to him] You mean like this? [turns the ring and pulls. It comes loose] I did it! I truly am the lord of the rings! [falls into the lava pit below him] Oh, poop.

The Incredible Chulk [1.24.2]

Fanboy: Step right up, try the Chulk Belly Bounce! Hit the belly button for extra bounce!

Norse Code [1.25.1]

The Great Bicycle Mystery [1.25.2]

Lenny: [cycling past Fanboy and Chum Chum] Top of the morning, guys!

Chum Chum: Who was that?

Fanboy: It looks like Lenny. But he's smiling, so…I'm not sure.

Lenny: Only eight more hours till I get to ride home! [realizes in dismay] Oh. Eight more hours till I get to ride home. [As 8 hours pass by…] Whew, that was the longest eight hours of my life!

Fanboy: No one's going anywhere. This is a crime scene! [horror sting] And as all of you were in the store today, you all had opportunity! So you're all suspects! [horror sting, all do not react] I like mayonnaise! [horror sting] That is so cool! All right. One of you is the guilty party in...The Great Bicycle Mystery! [no horror sting] Nothing? Yeah I guess we should just get to it. Now Chumshoe and I are not going to rest until we find out who done it!

Chum Chum: Who "did it", sir.

Fanboy: Good work. Any clues?

Dollarnator: Yes! But I only did it to save all of you! [telling his story] I'd knew the Dreaded day had come. The rise of the machine!

A Bopwork Orange [1.26.1]

Boog: [Enters The Frosty Mart] Oops! Did I write "lollipops"? 'Cause today's special is Free lolli-bops! [laughs] Now, line up, dweebs!

Chris Chuggy, Fanboy, Chum Chum And Yo: [dejected] Awwww...

[Boog is bopping the kids to the tune of "Ode to Joy"]

Boog: Man, it's as if Beethoven's bopping' through me!

[He continues to bop them, but stops when he sees Agent Johnson]

Agent Johnson: Are you Boogreguard Shlizetti?

Boog: In my handsome flesh.

Agent Johnson: [pause] Detective Johnson, Head of Frosty Mart Security. Our cameras have recorded forty-thousand separate incidents of you bopping our customers.

Boog: Sweet! I-- could I get a copy of those tapes? I'm thinking of putting out a "Boog's Best Bops" DVD. [inhales, pause] You know, with extras.

Agent Johnson: Listen here, pally! I'm here to fire you!

Boog: What the bop, you're going to fire me?

Chum Chum: Before we begin your treatment, we'll need to give you a complete, physical workup.

[Fanboy holds up a small, rubber Chimp Chomp hammer]

Boog: What? Oh, what do you think you're doing with that?

Fanboy: I'm just going to check your reflexes. [hammers Boog's right leg, gets bopped] Ow. [hammers Boog's left leg, gets bopped] Ow. Okay, now I need you to open up and say "ahh". [holds up tongue depressor]

Boog: Ahh... [bops Fanboy with his tongue]

Fanboy: [to Chum Chum] It's more serious than I thought. His whole body appears to be one big bopping reflex.

Chum Chum: I was afraid of that. What do you recommend, doctor?

Fanboy: [pause] I think our patient may require...a shock, to the system.

[Fanboy puts a shock collar around Boog's neck]

Boog: Heyheyhey, hey! What's this thing?

Chum Chum: It's an electric brace to help curb your bopping.

Fanboy: It's what people in the industry call a behavior modification device.

Boog: What people in the industry?

Chum Chum: The guy at the pet store.

Boog: Oh, the-- WHA? I ain't wearing' no dog collar! [starts to take the collar off]

[Chum Chum activates a remote, Boog gets shocked]

Boog: This stupid thing shocked me!

Fanboy: That means it's working.

Chum Chum: It zaps you every time you try to bop.

Boog: Are you crazy?! I-- [gets shocked]

Chum Chum: Or think about bopping.

Boog: Oh, that is it. This is coming' off right now! [gets shocked, gasps for breath]

Fanboy: Come on, Boog. It's for your own good.

Chum Chum: Yes. Listen to Pretend Doctor Fanboy, and leave the collar be.

Boog: [fidgets, gasps for breath] Okay. Eee...you're right. I'll listen to you from now -- [yanks collar causing Chum Chum to shock him, gasps for breath, faints] Fine. I surrender. I'll wear your stupid torture device.

Fanboy: That's the spirit. Now, don't you feel --

[Boog gets shocked suddenly]

Boog: [grunts] WHAT THE? I SAID I'LL WEAR IT! I SAID I'LL WEAR IT! [grunts]

Chum Chum: Mmm? Oops. Sorry, I was sitting on the remote.

Freeze Tag [1.26.2]

[Fanboy and Chum Chum see everyone on the streets frozen]

Chum Chum: Oh boy. Not good.

Fanboy: Yeah, we should go now.

Chum Chum: It's everyone we know!

Fanboy: Not everyone; at least Kyle made it out.

Man-Arctica: [shows up with Kyle frozen to his broomstick] Wanna lick from my Fop-sicle?

Season 2

I'm Man Arctica! [2.1.1]

No Toy Story [2.1.2]

Gameboy [2.2.1]

Fanboy: "Release Monkey"? I wonder what that does. [presses button, Chimp Chomp comes out] Oh, that releases the monkey. AAAAAAHHHHHH! Monkey, monkey on my head! Monkey on my head! get it off! Get it off! [it jumps off his head] I don't believe it, Chimp Chomp's real!

Chum Chum: We'd better get him back in the game before Boog finds out!

[Chimp Chomp throws Lenny into the wall and runs out of the Frosty mart]

Chum Chum: [Gasps] Chimp Chomp's Getting Away!

[Fanboy Gasps And Runs Out Along With Chum Chum]

Chum Chum: FAAAANBOOOOOOOOYYYYY!!!

Fanboy: CHUM CHUM! I'LL COME FOR YOOOOOUUUUU!!! [coughing] Now, I'm on a goat, [While Sobbing] and I'm crying.

[Old Spice Jingle Plays]

Lenny: You mean, I bought banana juice? [facepalms and groans] This is my refrigerator in my apartment, and that is my banana juice, and this is my four-day-old Chinese takeout!

[Fanboy cuts a hole in the glass with his teeth]

Boog: Oh, I ate that three days ago. I left you the box, though. [Fanboy falls through and then comes back up wearing a lampshade] Hm? [Fanboy turns the light on the lampshade off. Boog then shrugs his shoulders]

Lenny: [grumbles angrily] I've Had It! When I asked you to help me move, I didn't mean Move your stuff in and put me in the linen closet!

Boog: Oh, that reminds me. I'm padlocking you in tonight, I got company.

Lenny: What if I got to go to the bathroom?

Boog: That's what the crisper's for! [closes the refrigerator and gets bumps into the Chimp Chomp Machine] oh! Hey, Baby!

Chum Chum: [Yawns] Chimp Chomp tired. Boog go to bed now? [monkey noises]

Boog: Sure, right after we watch TV.

Crib Notes [2.2.2]

Fanboy: Aww, what's wrong, baby Kyle?

Baby Kyle: I don't know, [sobbing] it seems I'm not suffically fatigued!

Fanboy: Baby Kyle, we can understand your baby gibberish. No, we can't.

Baby Kyle: I'm not tired!

Chum Chum: Maybe baby wants to be helded.

Fanboy: [gasps] Does somebody want to go uppums?

Baby Kyle: Yes, yes, I want to be held.

Schoolhouse Lock [2.3.1]

Fanboy: Mr. Mufflin! I found the book! Mr. Mufflin?

Chum Chum: Uhh, Fanboy? Is school always this empty during the day?

Fanboy: [gasp] Everybody's gone! Do you know what this means?

[Fanboy and Chum Chum sing No Work And All Play]

Back From the Future [2.3.2]

Lenny: I don't have time to explain! I'm you, you me, me you, from the future! In one minute, two very annoying boys are gonna enter this store. Do not, under any circumstances, give them a Frosty Freezy Freeze!

Lenny, 5 years ago: Oh but I can't do that because-

Lenny: Do it, and you'll become assistant manager!

Lenny, 5 years ago: I'll make sure no one gets a Frosty Freezy Freeze!

Dollar-nator: [after accidentally knocking out Lenny, 5 years ago, after arriving back in time again, as he and Lenny exit the fridge they arrived in] Oops, my bad.

Lenny: Nah. I survived.

Baby Fanboy and Chum Chum: Excuse me, could you direct us to the library?

Boog: Can I interest you in a bop instead!? [the boys hug each other in fear. Boog 'bops' up a small rack of tiny Frosty Freezy Freezes]

Baby Fanboy and Chum Chum: Ooh! What are those?

Boog: An array of our tastiest beverages. Yours to sample and enjoy. No purchase necessary!

Baby Chum Chum: What do these letters on the cup say?

Baby Fanboy: Who cares? I love this drink and I don't Like letters! [they leave with a tiny Frosty Freezy Freeze each]

Lenny: No! What are you doing!? I said to bop them! Bop them!

Boog: Yeah! B.O.P. - Bring Out Products!

Tooth or Scare [2.4.1]

Kyle: Step 1: Sprinkle anti-fairy dust on the floor. Good. [sings] Fairy, be gone! Fairy, be gone! Fairy, be gone! Done. Step 2: Knock three times. Okay, that's easy. [knocks on the coffee table three times]

Fanboy: I'll get it!

Kyle: No!

[Fanboy opens the door, the tooth fairy enters, outraged.]

Fanboy: Kyle, it's for you.

The Big Bopper [2.4.2]

Boog: I'm gonna bop you so- [Lemuel touches his fist, breaking his entire arm off] Kiji! I-I-I lost my arm and everything! [Lemuel raises his fist and Boog gets bopped, with the "BOP" title as a result]

Lupe: Aye, boppee.

[Boog starts to wake up. F&C loom over him]

Fanboy: [at Chum Chum] See? I told you it was just a coma.

Boog: [After a daze] What am I doing on the floor? I'm supposed to be bopping that guy! I'm gonna bop you so bad! [he charges and gets bopped, with the "BOP" title as a result]

Lupe: Aye, boppee.

Present Not Accounted For [2.5.1]

Fanboy: Why so perky this morning, Chum?

Chum Chum: Ha ha ha! Like I would know that it's my... B to the I to the R-T-H, D to the A to the Y-Y-Y, WHY?!? CAUSE IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!

Fanboy: Well, birthday song. I haven't heard that since the last time it was your birthday...it's your birthday...horray.

Chum Chum: You didn't forget, did you?

Classmates: Happy Birthday, Chum Chum!

Mr. Mufflin: B to the I to the R-T-H, D to the A to the Y-Y-Y, WHY?!? CAUSE IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!

Kyle: And now, for your birthday enjoyment...

Chum Chum: Ooh! The entertainment's starting!

Kyle: May I present, Kyle, the Conjurer. [crowd cheers]

Chum Chum: Ooh, Kyle! I didn't know you did magic. Can you make a penny come outta my nose?

Kyle: Since it's your birthday, I'll ignore that. And instead... [the lights go out as he begins his speech] perform MAGIC! So dark, it'll cause you mere mortals to weep before me and bow down in awe of my infinite power! [he disappears, then reappears as the lights come back and the crowd cheers] Thank you. Thank you.

Chum Chum: Ooh. Now can you pour milk into a newspaper?

Kyle: Eh-heh, for my next trick, I had something grander in mind. I would now like to...

Fanboy: Make someone disappear? Done! [he leaves to focus on the gift]

Kyle: Huh? I was going to summon a dragon to paint your name in fire.

Chum Chum: I want a balloon poodle.

Fanboy: [falls to the ground and sobs dramatically]

Chum Chum: Fanboy, what's the matter?

Fanboy: [sobbing] Oh, Chum Chum, I forgot your birthday! I don't have a present! That confiscated briefcase was the only present I could find!

[Everyone gasps in shock]

Chum Chum: But I didn't expect two presents.

Fanboy: Two presents? What do you mean?

Chum Chum: You already gave me the best present. You spent the whole day with me.

The Sword in the Throne [2.5.2]

Poopatine: No! Stop! This stall is forbidden!

Fanboy: I don't know who this "Bidden" is, but right now, it's for Fanboy! [he and Chum Chum enter the bathroom]

Poopatine: No! Wait! Nonononononono! [the door closes]

Brain Freeze [2.6]

Chum Chum: Oh, Keep it down! My brain hasn't thawed yet.

Fanboy: Um, did you happened to leave Your Brown Bear In The Bathroom?

Chum Chum: What? No I- [Gasps] Fanboy! Where is your underwear?!

Fanboy: AHHH!!! MY UNDERWEAR IS GONE!! Don't look at me! I'm hideous! Uh, Chum Chum? Where's your underwear?

Chum Chum: Huh? [gasps] MY UNDERWEAR IS GONE TOO! I'm an underwearless freak!

Fanboy and Chum Chum: [upset] We Don't Have Our Underwear!

Chum Chum: WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!?

Fanboy: Do Not Panic! I'm sure they're Around here somewhere.

[While trying to search for their missing underwear]

Fanboy: Not in the closet...

Chum Chum: Not under the chair...

Fanboy: Not in the fridge...

Chum Chum: Not in the bear!

Fanboy: Not in the nook...

Chum Chum: Not in the cranny!

Fanboy: Not in my head!

Chum Chum: Not on my fanny!

Chum Chum: I Know What You'll Mean...I...Can't Either Walk Straight...Or Fly! [Tries To Fly, But Falls on The Floor]

Fanboy: I Can't Even Lift This 1 Ton Safe! [Tries To Lift Up This Safe, But Failed] Nothing!

Chum Chum: [Tries To Heat Up These Hot Dog Sausages] Oh No! My Heat Vision Is Gone! I Can't Heat Up These Hot Dogs!

Fanboy: Wait! I Think My X-Ray Vision Is Back! I Can See Your Pants Through Your Underwear!

[Fanboy and Chum Chum see Kyle in their crystal ball]

Fanboy: Woah, What is that thing? [Kyle Appears In A Crystal Ball] Hey, it's Kyle!

Chum Chum: What are you doing in Dollarnator's snow globe?

Kyle: That's my palantír, you dimwitted delinquents! Stay right where you are. [switches the background from his living room to the Fanlair] I've been looking for you all night. Where is he? What have you done with him?

Fanboy: Woah, Easy There, Kyle, We Don't Know What You're Talking About!

Dollarnator: [beatboxes] Ain't no party like a Freezy Freeze Party, cause a Freezy Freeze Party don't stop!

Boog: You Know I Remember? I-I Picked You Up And We All Peaked Out on That Sweet Birthday Cake! [He Laughs, Bops his neck and Belches Out The Flan Bits]

Kyle: [upon seeing a devoured Professor Flan] Oh, Professor Flan... [hangs head] Maybe I can Bake you back together! [gathers flan bits and leaves]

Boog: Sandy, You're Ok! [Notices That Boog's Car is Vibrating] What The? [Boog's Car Starts Vibrating Again] That Doesn't Like Sandy! [An Angry Lenny Jumps On Boog's Face] AHHH!!!

Lenny: YOU'VE LOCKED ME IN YOUR TRUNK ALL NIGHT!

Boog: Sorry, Leonard, I-I Forgot! Y-Y-You're Just not Memberable to me!

Lenny: Wha...What's Going On?!?

Chum Chum: Good news! We Found Our Underwear!

Fanboy: Oh Yeah, And There's a Frosty Freezy Freeze Monster Running Amok Inside The Store.

Lenny: WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!!!

Fanboy: Relax, Lenny! Now That We Have Our Underwear, Chum Chum And I Will Handle This!

[F&C Tries To Take off their Cups And puts them back on]

Chum Chum: Uh, I Little Privacy Please?

Lenny: [Turns away And Looks at F&C] What Does Underwear Have to Do With Defeating a Ferocious Ice Monster?!

Fanboy: It's Simple. Now That We Have our underwear Back, [F&C Throws Their Frosty Freezy Freeze Cups On The Floor And Putting Their Underwear Back On] We Have Our Powers Back!

Lenny: You Guys Don't Have Any Powers!

Fanboy: don't we? You See Leonard, our underwear Isn't Just tighty and whitey...

Fanboy and Chum Chum: It's...MIGHTY!

Fanboy: Now, stay outta sighty! We'll handle this fighty.

Chum Chum: Yeah, and try not to miss it, cause it's gonna be...brief!

[they laugh]

Fanboy: Let's roll.

Fanboy and Chum Chum: Power of...FLIGHT!!!

Lenny: I Still Can't Believe You Guys Have Powers!

Fanboy: With Great Underwear Comes Great Underwearability.

[last Lines]

Chum Chum: [Tries To Open A Mayonnaise Jar] Can You Open This, Fanboy?

Fanboy: [Tries To Open A Mayonnaise Jar] Nope. Boy, That Jar. They're Real Tight!

Lenny: You Guys Have Superpowers But You Can't Open a Mayonnaise Jar?

Fanboy: Well The Mayonnaise Is Imposing In a Meteor Threat, Now is it?

Dollarnator: Guys, I Just Decoded a Video Record of Last night's crazy mad Cap Adventures, And Hijinx And Things of this nature! Check it!

Slime Day [2.7.1]

Boog Zapper [2.7.2]

[At beginning of episode]

Fanboy: Plastic knife?

Chum Chum: Plastic knife.

Fanboy: Bendy straw.

Chum Chum: Bendy straw.

Fanboy: Suction.

Chum Chum: Suction! Hold on, I have to suck.

Risky Brizness [2.8.1]

Kids in the Hall [2.8.2]

[The Hall Monitors catch everyone running amok]

Fanboy: EVERYBODY, SLOW DOWN!!! [everyone stops] NOW, GIRLS TO THE LEFT-- AND BOYS TO THE RIGHT! AND KEEP THAT SKATEBOARD OUTTA SIGHT! Hey, that rhymed.

Frosty Mart Dream Vacation [2.9.1]

Lenny: I stuffed the ballot box myself! This isn't even an entry form. It's a spelling test…that you failed!

[Fanboy and Chum Chum listen to the Tomb of Kingboy story on the tape recorders]

Female Narrator: Welcome to the audio tour of: The Tomb of Kingboy. [Fanboy and Chum Chum nod] Many years ago, there lived a young boy king -- Kingboy. He was tall and handsome and not the least bit annoying.

Fanboy: [commenting on Kingboy, who looks like him] Boy, they had some flat heads back then!

Female Narrator: In those days, there lived a merchant named Lenses. He was known across the land for his grumpy temperament and terrible customer service.

Lenses: Here's your stupid- uh I mean... oh, royal Kingboy, here is the beverage you requested.

Kingboy: Ooh! A Sandy Salty Slurp! [drinks his Sandy Salty Slurp, burps and throws the cup in Lenses' face] Oh, Lenses, Would you pull my finger? [holds up his finger and giggles]

Lenses: No.

Kingboy: [pokes him in the nose] How 'bout now?

Lenses: No!

Kingboy: [pokes him again] How 'bout now?

Lenses: Leave me alone!

Kingboy: [serious] Lenses, I am your king!

[Lenses growls and pulls Kingboy's finger, gets covered in flies as Kingboy laughs]

Fanboy: I like that king! He's funny!

[Kingboy continues laughing and hits Lenses on the head with his staff]

Female Narrator: Lenses grew tired of the king's hilarious antics, and he hatched an evil plan. Please press 12 if you wish to hear Lenses' evil plan. [Fanboy and Chum Chum do so] So, Lenses locked Kingboy in a pyramid. Lenses gloated about his cleverness, but his actions did not sit well with the ancient god, Chumnubis. Chumnubis cast a powerful curse on Lenses, that turned him into dust, so that he would be a nuisance to all for the rest of eternity! We hope you've enjoyed this audio tour of the Tomb of Kingboy. Please stop by our gift shop as you exit the Tomb.

Fanboy and Chum Chum: Gift shop!

[They belly-bonk, giggle and exit]

Lenny: [with his mouth full of snakes] Sssssssstop! Put that sssssssssinister ssssscepter back in the sssssstoreroom! [turns around and sees an Air Frost 1 plane land and pull up] It's Air Frosssssssst 1! They're not gonna sssssssssstop me!

Field Trip of Horrors [2.9.2]

Bus Lady Cram: If this bus keeps a-rockin', I'm comin' a-knockin'!

Everybody: [gasps] Lunch Lady Cram?!

Bus Lady Cram: Lunch Lady Cram's my sister. [puts on her bus driver hat] I'm Bus Lady Cram!

Fanboy: Oh, yeah, you both have the same pretty snarl.

Kyle: Oh, dear. We're trapped on the bus and we're headed for the Glop Mines! Suddenly I don't feel so... [barfs]

Bus Lady Cram: This is supposed to be a field trip, isn't it? WELL, START SINGING!

Everyone: [singing] Ninety-nine buckets of glop on the wall, ninety-nine buckets of glop, if one of those buckets should happen to fall...

Bus Lady Cram: [evil laughter]

Chum Chum The Glop Mines? You mean -- we're gonna see where cafeteria food comes from? I don't wanna see. I DON'T WANNA SEE!!!

Fanboy: Shh. It's okay, Chum Chum. I'll poke your eyes out.

Chum Chum: Promise?

Bus Lady Cram: Quiet back there!

Kyle: Why didn't I think of it before? I can use my wand to save us!

Chum Chum: Kyle, you can do magic?

Kyle: [facepalms] Urr. Stand back! I will now transport us back -- to the school from whence we came. Reverseus, Field Trippercurse! [accidently tosses wand out partway open window] Oh, heh. It looks like she didn't shut every window. Huh.

[seeing what they believe is the Glop Monster]

Chum Chum: Urrrrr!! It's gonna grab us, and spin us around, and then swallow us in its fiery mouth!

Kyle: We're gonna travel through its pitch-black gullet, tortured by the screams of our companions!

Fanboy: And just when we think it's done with us, it's gonna spit us out, THEN SUCK US BACK IN!!!

There Will Be Shrieks [2.10]

Fanboy: Hello? Trick or Treat! We've got empty pails here!

Mr. Trick: [opens door] KEEP AWAY!

Fanboy and Chum Chum: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

Mr. Trick: Huh? Oops, sorry! Wrong face. [switches to his good face] There, that's a lot less scary now, isn't it?

[Kyle doesn't like F&C's "Haunted House" idea]

Kyle: Oh, please! The only reaction you two could evoke are cries of boredom. Zing!

Fanboy: Are you saying you have a better idea than hot dog fingers, with ketchup blood?

Kyle: Urrrrgh. As a matter of fact...I do!

[Necronomicon has finished his introduction and Kyle appeared]

Kyle: Shall we begin? Let us all join hands.

Fanboy: Hey, Kyle? If we're holding hands, how are they gonna fill the spaghetti and grapes?

Kyle: [growls and knocks the spaghetti bowl away] ENOUGH WITH THE SPAGHETTI AND GRAPES! [Takes Fanboy's hand, and they join the others] Oh, powerful spirits from beyond. We who are among the living, who humbly implore, and invite you to --

Fanboy: Ahem. Uh, Kyle? We're kinda on a time crunch here?

Kyle: Oh, very well! [avatar state] Demon from the depths of the underworld, I summon thee! I SUMMON THEE!!!

[Kyle is blamed for what he did to help F&C]

Fanboy: Ahh! Kyle! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?

Chum Chum: We told you this was over your head!

[Fanboy kicks Kyle out]

Necronomicon: [off camera, referring to the new Mr. Trick] And what happened next, a miracle they say. Mr. Trick's pumpkin head grew two smiles that day!

[Last lines]

Oz: [sadly] My candy! My beautiful symmetrical candy.

Fanboy: Cheer up, Oz. You saved Halloween!

Mr. Trick: How about a treat, boys?

Fanboy and Chum Chum: Candy! [They each take a handful of candy and chew them]

Mr. Trick: Smile!

[F&C smile, revealing that their teeth turned pink from the candy]

Mr. Trick: [at the camera] They don't call me Mr. Trick for nothing!

[They smile at the camera as the scene fades out]

Robo-mance [2.11.1]

[Dollar-nator has hid himself, camouflaged as the Chimp Chomp machine]

Fanboy: Dollar-nator, you missed your chance.

Dollar-nator: I can't! I'm too shy!

Chum Chum: Looks like we're gonna have to bring him out of his shell.

Fanboy: Uh-huh-huh!

[The Robo-mance song starts]

Fanboy and Chum Chum: [singing] There's something big tonight down in your gigabytes, it's Robo-mance!

Julie Android: [broken] Thursday...fashion...carnauba wax...

Rattleskunkupine! [2.11.2]

Fanboy: Chum Chum, give me eight fingers.

[Using his "super strength," Chum Chum lifts Fanboy up into the tree. Fanboy pushes the branches apart and peeks through]

Fanboy: [Singsong] Pinata? I know you're in there! I can see your glowing, red eyes! [Normal] Huh.

Igloo of Irritation [2.12.1]

HypnotOZed [2.12.2]

Bubble Trouble [2.13.1]

Lucky Chums [2.13.2]

The Last Strawberry Fun Finger [2.14.1]

Power Out [2.14.2]

Dental Illness [2.15.1]

[after Fanboy screams from the sugar the third time]

Chum Chum: Uh...Fanboy? I think you might have a toothache.

Fanboy: A toothache? [sarcastic laugh] Oh, impossible. I brush my teeth all the time! Every tooth, every day.

Chum Chum: Okay, then --

Fanboy: Except for Toothy. Oh ho ho, he hates to be brushed. See? Ahh... [reveals a tooth in his lower left jaw which is dirty and broken, revealed to be "Toothy"]

Chum Chum: Oh...goh...I think you'd better go to the dentist! [sees a fly land on "Toothy" and holds nose] And maybe an exterminator!

Fanboy: Oh, no! No dentist is coming near these pearly whites! And this charcoal grey.

Chum Chum: But, Dr. Plaqula is fun! He has the best toys...

[Fanboy rolls his eyes and stares at Chum Chum with a "not interested" expression on his face]

Chum Chum: ...and the awesome-est free toothbrushes. And at the end, you get a lollipop!

Fanboy: Already got one! It's been stuck in Toothy for years. Ah... [reveals a lollipop stuck next to "Toothy"]

Champ of Chomp [2.15.2]

[The Burgle Brats Step Into The Frosty Mart]

Murphy: Nobody Move!

[Boog, Fanboy, Chum Chum, And Dollarnator Gasps As the Burgle Brats Step In]

Lenny: AHHH! [Points To The wanted Poster Of The Burgle Brats] The burgle Brats!

Murphy: So, You've Heard of us? good! Now, Keep your hands up, and your mouths shut, and Nobody Will Need to change Their Diapers!

Boog: I Can't Put My Hands Up! I'm Almost at the record!

Fanboy: [Points To Boog] Boog, Keep Playing! [Points To Dollarnator] Dollarnator, Keep Filming! [To Chum Chum] Come on, mad-dog, we're on!

Chum Chum: [Holds a pacifier] I'm Getting too old for this.

Lice Lice Baby [2.16.1]

Get You Next Time[2.16.2]

A Very Brrr-y Icemas [2.17]

Funny Face [2.18.1]

Fanboy: [after he drank the potion] Ta-da! [Chum Chum gasps] Huh? Huh?

Chum Chum: Uh, maybe you need some more whoopee cushion air?

Fanboy: [turns around and realizes his face is still normal] Hmm. That's weird. The potion should’ve taken effect by now. [stomach gurgles; screams as his limbs start shaking and jumps into the air, beams of light shoot out of his hands, feet, and mouth]

Chum Chum: [Fanboy lands on his desk and gasps; then Fanboy with a kooky face jumps off and guffaws] It's… It's… amazing!

Put That Cookie Down! [2.18.2]

Two Tickets To Paladise [2.19.1]

The Winners [2.19.2]

[After Kyle takes F&C to his mountain]

Chum Chum: Kyle, thank you so much for saving us from that mob!

Kyle: Yes, well I had to ensure they wouldn't get their hands on that...WINNING CUP! Which I shall pluck from your ashes, once I char you...with the FIRES OF RAGNAR!!! [laughs evilly]

Fanboy: Seems a bit over-the-top...why don't we just share?

Kyle: What?

Chum Chum: We can share the prize! Then, you can give Ragnar back his fireball.

Kyle: Oh, thank you. That's quite nice of -- Wait a minute! NO! Kyle the Conjurer doesn't share! He SUMMONS THE FIRES OF RAGNAR...and TAKES.

Fanboy: Ooh, ooh, ohh! Let's just all write our names on the cup! That way, we can officially split, 50/50/50!

Kyle: Well...okay. But you two have the knack for taking the fun out of everything. Oh-ho-ho, I see what you're trying to do! You wrapped the winning cup with a contract, written in invisible ink. And if I sign, I'll have no memory of the cup. And I'll probably be poofed out of existence. Heh. SO if anyone is going to execute a devious plot, it will be me: Kyle the Conjurer! Mark my words, this isn't over! I'LL BE BACK! [briefly disappears] Wait, this is my mountain. You go.

[Kyle zaps F&C, making them disappear]

Hex Games [2.20.1]

[after the game is turned on]

Sigmund: Congratulations on your purchase of my latest und greatest Merchan-dazzle: Sigmund ze Sorcerer's Vizard Challenge!

Fanboy and Chum Chum: Whoa!

Kyle: Ugh, even his hologram is insufferable!

Sigmund: You!

Fanboy: Me!, Oh he picked me!

Sigmund: Are you ready for ze ultimate video game challenge?

Fanboy: Yes!, My life's work has led to this moment.

Sigmund: Zhen, enter your vizard name.

[the boys have finished logging in]

Sigmund: Fandalf! Gorlock! Pyle the Insignificant, choose your controllers!

[Fanboy and Chum Chum see two black glove controllers with attached wands]

Fanboy and Chum Chum: Awesome!

Kyle: Wait, What -- what about me? Where's my controller?

Sigmund: Vands are for vizards! You will be the shoe.

Kyle: Oh, Milkweed. Your forgotten son has returned-- [something falls and bounced on his head, landing on his hands] What the elf is this?

Fanboy: [when the lights turn on, showing they returned back to reality] Ooh!, It's a board game!

Chum Chum: Milkweed Academy: The Home Game.

Kyle: You mean I've been busting my shoe just to win a stupid game for children?!

Fanboy: Not just for children!, Fun for ages 8 to 888.

Kyle: [slamming the board game on the floor] THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!

Sigmund: [suddenly on orb hologram] But Kyle, you didn't foolishly think that playing a video game vould get you into ze most exclusive school in the universe, did you?

Kyle: Yes, that is what your ambiguous marketing led me to -- wait. How did you know my name?

Sigmund: Hmm, how indeed Kyle?, Could be zat I am not the hologram, but rather ze real Sigmund surrounded by a glowly spell? Oh, Kyle. It seems zat you vill never learn! [Sigmund Laughs, Suddenly freezes and grunting] Vait!, Vhy am I not able to move ze limbs?!

Speed Eraser [2.20.2]

[Scene opens with the title card song, then the school bell ringing]

Hank: Look, everyone! The latest piece in my "Chalks of the World" set came! Check it out! The Leaning Chalk Tower of Pisa, ooh! I can't wait to use it! Suck-Up! Get up here and erase this board! [pause] Hey, where's Suck-Up?

[Wizard sting, we see Kyle's empty desk]

Chum Chum: [gasp] Kyle's not in here to erase the board! Now's our chance!

Fanboy: Hmm?

Chum Chum: This is what we trained for.

Fanboy: I can't! I'm too nervous! [wimpers]

Chum Chum: Just picture everyone in their underwear...on the outside of their clothes.

Fanboy: [grunts] Uh, I can only picture you! [then, bravely] But it's enough.

Heroes vs. Villains [2.21.1]

[Fannihilator is heard laughing maniacally then turns his chair around revealing himself]

Fannihilator: Greetings, Super Chum. It is I, your arch enemy, the Fannihilator.

Captain Obvious: It's the Fannihilator, your archenemy!

Super Chum: Correct As Usual, Captain Obvious! So, Fannihilator, Perhaps You Can Shed Some light On my missing peanut butter.

Face-Eating Aliens From Planet X [2.21.2]

[At beginning of episode]

Fanboy: "And then, as her three tongues licked her seven lips, he realized that she was a..."

Fanboy and Chum Chum: FACE-EATING ALIEN FROM PLANET X!

Fanboy: I am shocked to my very core, Chum Chum. If this children's comic book is to be believed, there are Face-Eating Aliens living among us.

Chum Chum: And they look exactly like everyone else! And the only way to recognize them is by their horrible screech!

Yo: HI!!!

Chum Chum: Girls are so funny. "Pass these notes and make sure you don't read it. It's for girls only."

Fanboy: Unless...They are not girls at all! ask yourself, chum chum. Why would a group of girls get together on a Saturday night?

Chum Chum: To braid each other's hair and glue rhinestones to cookies?

Fanboy: Ha, ha, ha, ha! I don't think so. No, I think you'll find the far more rational explanation is...THEY'RE FACE-EATING ALIENS FROM PLANET X!

Chum Chum: [gasp, choke] I sucked in some glitter.

Fanboy: See for yourself. What are those girls doing right now?

Chum Chum: Jumping rope?

Fanboy: Sure. They might be jumping rope, or they might be -- SPOOLING UP A WORMHOLE SO THEY CAN TELEPORT BACK TO PLANET X. WHERE THEY'LL HOST THEIR EVIL ALIEN BANQUET. The main course? FACE!

Fanboy and Chum Chum: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

[what F&C were unaware of]

Francine: I can't believe they thought we were Face-Eating Aliens.

Yo: I knoooooow! We're Head-Eating Aliens. [opens fridge revealing lifelike heads]

Marsha: I like Fankylechum!

The Cold Rush [2.22.1]

[After Faniel and Chumtholemew get brain burn from the Bakedy Beany Beans and pay Lenwig]

Lenwig: Did you remember to open the pressure valve?

[They turn around]

Chumtholemew: [shakes head] Eeeyup!

Lenwig: So, ya did remember?

Chumtholemew: [shakes head] Eeeeeyup!

Lenwig: You remembered to open the pressure valve that releases the dangerous steam that builds and builds and could cause the entire machine to explode?

Chumtholemew: [shakes head] Eeeeeeeeyup!

Faniel: Why do you keep askin' him that? What part of "yep" don't you understand?!

Lenwig: It's just that he keeps shakin' his head "no" when he sayin' "yep"!

Faniel: Ohh! Well, that's because "yep" is gibberish for "No, I most certaintly did not release the pressure valve as you requested. I'm a humble man with many shortcomings, but I am just as he made me. I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. Sincerely, Chumtholomew."

Lenwig: What? What? Are -- are you kiddin'?

Chumtholemew: [shakes head] Eeeyup!

[After Faniel and Chumtholemew told Lenwig how they made it to the store again from the mine, showing the map where they found the cavern with the Frosty Freezy Freeze, and packing the whole cavern with dynamite to the store]

Lenwig: [shocked, as he puts the glob of Frosty Freezy Freeze he was one away] You packed a huge stack of dynamite directly under my store?! Oh, thank goodness. It's not lit. [relieves]

Faniel: Well, of course it's not lit. That'd be dangerous. Plus we don't got nothing to light it with other than that lantern you gave us. [pokes Lenwig in one of his eyes]

Lenwig: [as he makes electricity with his two fingertips] You didn't leave that lantern down in there, where it could thoroughly easily set off the fuse that's connected to that dynamite and blow up the entire store, did you?

Chumtholemew: [shakes head] Mmmmmnope!

Faniel: [explains] See, when he says no, he means--

Lenwig: I know what it means! [as he, Faniel and Chumtholemew run out of the store] RUUUUUUUUUN!

Camp-Arctica [2.22.2]

[Fanboy and Chum Chum try to use the outhouse across from the igloo]

Fanboy: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!

Chum Chum: I CAN'T GO WITH YOU LOOKING! CLOSE YOUR EYES!

Fanboy: I'M TRYING, BUT THEY'RE FROZEN OPEN!

Buddy Up [2.23.1]

Normal Day [2.23.2]

Microphonies [2.24.1]

Freezy Freaks [2.24.2]

Super Chums [2.25]

[At beginning of episode]

Narrator: Tonight's Episode: Look What The Cat Dragged In!

Fannihilator: [chuckles maniacally] Well, Super Chum! Prepare to be destroyed yet again by the world's greatest criminal mind: FANNIHILATOR! [evil laugh]

Super Chum: You've never destroyed me!

Fannihilator: What?! I've destroyed you tons of times! Eh, like, what about that time when you were standing in the town square and I fired that ray that turned you to stone and exploded you? [chuckles maniacally]

Super Chum: That was the town statue of me.

Fannihilator: Oh. No wonder those Pigeons were trying to protect you.

Super Chum: Super Chums, report! Any signs of Copy Kitten?

Man-Arctica: Quadrant one, all clear!

Ant Lupe: Quadrant two, all clears.

School Spirit: Quadrant three, all clear, hey!

Captain Obvious: I'm talking to my watch!

Copy Kitten: You Are Defeated, Super Chum! Meow, Tell me. TELL ME! I AM YOUR BEST...ARCH...NEMESIS! [Fannihilator Gasps when Copy Kitten Said That]

Super Chum: You're...My Best...Arch... [Slow-Mo] NEMESIS?!?

Fannihilator: [Upset, Then Grows Bigger Than Copy Kitten, Enraged] NO!!!! I'M HIS BEST ARCH NEMESIS!

[Last lines]

Fannihilator: So, that means we're...best nemeses again!

Super Chum: Why don't we be...best friends instead?

Fannihilator: Really? Oh! Well, uh, that's great too! I mean, uh, yeah! Friends! Uh, what are you doing next Tuesday? Actually, strike that, what are you doing this Tuesday? Too desperate?

Super Chum: Uh, yeah.

Narrator: What will Fannihilator and Super Chum do next Tuesday? Find out next week, on "The Amazing, Incredible Adventures of Super Chum"!

Fannihilator: [angrily] And Fannihilator!

Narrator: And Fannihilator! Oh-ho-ho, sorry about that.

Attack of the Clones [2.26.1]

Secret Club [2.26.2]

Theme Song

External links

Wikipedia

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Fanboy & Chum Chum