Cheers (season 7)
Cheers (1982–1993) was a long-running situation comedy produced by Charles-Burrows-Charles Productions in association with Paramount Television for NBC. The show was set in a Boston bar, where a colorful group of locals would come to sit, drink, state daft facts, complain, and play elaborate practical jokes on the devotees and owner of a rival bar in town.
How to Recede in Business [7.1]Edit
- Sam: [to Rebecca] The way I see it, you haven't had a date with a guy for about two and half years. Now I think this date of ours could be good for me but sweetheart, I got to say it's looking real necessary for you.
- Sam: Speaking of Mercedes, I'm kind of known as the Mercedes of guys.
- Rebecca: Really? I always thought you were more of a cheap pickup with a headlight missing.
Swear to God [7.2]Edit
- Rebecca: [about Sam] What does it mean when you can't turn on the horniest guy that ever lived? I am really getting old.
- Carla: Rebecca, will you stop being ridiculous? You're still a young, beautiful, vibrant woman with her whole life ahead of her.
- Rebecca: You're just saying that.
- Carla: Yes, I am. I was taught to humor old folks.
- Sam: So believe it or not I've given up sex entirely. But you've got to promise not to tell anyone.
- Frasier: Well Sam, confidentiality is the bedrock of my profession. Besides, who'd believe it?
Executive Sweet (1) [7.3]Edit
- Rebecca: What the hell's in the box?
- Woody: Those are my bees, Miss Howe.
- Rebecca: Enough said.
- Woody: Can I keep them in there until the end of the day?
- Rebecca: Sure, anything you want. In my mood I'll agree to anything.
- Sam: Sounds like my cue.
- Sam: [to Rebecca] Let's try this. Have sex with me 25 times and if the end of the night you're still not sure then I won't say another thing.
One Happy Chappy in a Snappy Serape (2) [7.4]Edit
- Cliff: [about Martin] How does a guy so young get to be so incredibly powerful?
- Woody: I just try to maintain a cheerful attitude and try not abuse my position.
- Norm: I hate to change the subject but I don't know if anyone recognizes, we seem to have a little problem here.
- Woody: Oh you need another beer, Mr. Peterson.
- Norm: Okay we have two problems here.
Those Lips, Those Ice [7.5]Edit
- Sam: You must be gettin' pretty excited.
- Carla: Yeah, I thought that ice show would never get back to Boston. It has been tough. He [Eddie] misses me. The kids miss him. Not to mention that I happen to be at my sexual peak.
- Sam: You've been there since you were 12.
- Carla: When you find a place you like, why leave it?
- Eddie: Hey, are the kids home? I haven't talked to them since I got back. I want to give them a call.
- Carla: Oh yeah go ahead. Just make sure you identify yourself by name. Just saying "It's dad" leaves too much confusion.
Norm, Is That You? [7.6]Edit
- Lilith: You should be decorating professionally.
- Norm: Doing you folks a favor is one thing. Anymore of this interior decorating junk could really eat into my reputation as a lazy, beer-guzzling lump of mashed potatoes.
- Frasier: But Norm, you have a gift.
- Norm: A gift? Try a curse, pal. I spent my whole damn life trying to cover up the fact that I have a great sense of color and I always know where to put the ottoman.
- Norm: I can't go on with this any longer. I wanted to be your decorator so I pretended to be who I thought you wanted me to be but it's time I came out of the closet. I'm straight.
- Robert: Impossible.
- Norm: Ever since I was a little boy I've known that I prefer girls. But the point is I think you should judge people for what they do not for who they do.
How to Win Friends and Electrocute Yourself [7.7]Edit
- Norm: [about their conversation] Yeah, why wasn't it the stupidest?
- Frasier: Well frankly it lacks meaningless statistics and inane historical trivia. Say where is Cliff anyway?
- Sam: Yeah, is he still in the hospital?
- Norm: I don't know. How's he doin'?
- Sam: I thought you were gonna go see him.
- Norm: Well I tried. I mean I got as far as the hospital lobby but you know that smell of alcohol makes me really queasy. [motions for a beer refill]
- Rebecca: The Globe's doing an article on women who run pubs and now he wants to take my picture. I really dread this.
- Sam: Why?
- Rebecca: Because I get so tensed up in front of a camera. All of a sudden I look like something the cat coughed up.
- Carla: Oooh, can I have an 8x10 for my mantlepiece?
- Rebecca: How about a 2x4 for your bridgework?
Jumping Jerks [7.8]Edit
- Rebecca: [about sky diving] I just think it's really exciting - the danger of drifting through space. You know, talk about a turn on.
- Sam: Please do.
- Sam: Fellas it's late. You've had a few beers, you'll agree to anything.
- Norm: Damn right, we will.
Send in the Crane [7.9]Edit
- Sam: I'm sittin' at a table in this restaurant with Judy and Laurie. The mother reaches over and grabs my knees and says "Sam, I want you." Then I feel the daughter reach over and grabs the other knee and she says "I want you too, Sammy."
- Norm: Well yeah yeah.
- Sam: Then I woke up. You know what this dream means don't you?
- Norm: It means you even dream better than we do.
- Sam: Sweetheart, I've handled trickier situations than this before. Remember the time I dated those lovely Henshaw triplets all at the same time.
- Carla: Sammy first of all, that was back when you were drinking like a fish, and second of all, that was one chick.
Bar Wars II: The Woodman Strikes Back [7.10]Edit
- Carla: Woody, you don't know what you're getting yourself into. I mean, those guys at Gary's are vicious. They could strip you naked, paint you red, and put you on a subway.
- Woody: They wouldn't do that.
- Carla: They did it to me. But I got the best of them.
- Norm: How's that?
- Carla: [laughing] I loved it.
- Woody: Hey Mr. Peterson there's a cold one waitin' for ya.
- Norm: I know, and if she calls I'm not here.
Adventures in Housesitting [7.11]Edit
- Sam: Let me see here, Rebecca Howe all alone and scared in a big old house. Sounds to me like a job for Sammy's Security Company, we get in before the burglars do!
- Carla: That's what I like about you Sam; your pants are always thinkin'.
- Rebecca: Sam, did you come out here because you were concerned I was scared? Or did you come out here to get me in the sack?
- Sam: Hey I came out here because I was concerned and scared that I would never get you in the sack.
Please Mr. Postman [7.12]Edit
- [Rebecca passionately kisses Norm]
- Rebecca: I don't know what got into me. Please apologize to Vera.
- Norm: Are you kidding? After that, Vera should apologize to me.
Golden Boyd [7.13]Edit
- Woody: Who wants to see a rich boy get his butt whooped?
- Carla: Wait a minute, I can't leave. If you're gonna fight, go fight in the back. But remember, you've got to bus your own blood.
- Kelly: Oh hi. I hope I'm not too late. I heard my boyfriend was coming here to fight that nice bartender.
- Carla: Fight? I've had sneezes that lasted longer.
I Kid You Not [7.14]Edit
- Cliff: It's sad to say that kids unaccepted by their peers really never learn how to get along with people in the big grown up world.
- Norm: Why is that, Cliff? 'Cause they keep boring everyone an driving them crazy with long speeches filled with meaningless statistics?
- Cliff: Yep! 63% of them live lives of quiet desperation.
- Norm: How about those who sit next to them?
Don't Paint Your Chickens [7.15]Edit
- Cliff: As a business man you really have a lot to be desired. You know you haven't had a job in three months.
- Norm: Cliff, you're absolutely right. I could do something about that or I can sit right here and feel sorry for myself and nurse this beer all day. Since I'm already here...
The Cranemakers [7.16]Edit
Hot Rocks [7.17]Edit
What's Up, Doc? [7.18]Edit
- Sam: What kind of problem should I make up?
- Carla: Well how about this, I once took one of my kids to the school psychiatrist and he said the kid had kleptomania.
- Norm: Anything come of it?
- Carla: Got a couple of pens and a leather appointment book.
- Norm: Or you could try using my problem. I've always had this terrible fear of being a failure.
- Carla: You are a failure.
- Norm: Then I've licked it.
- Sam: Answer the question, what do I have in my life that isn't women or sex?
- Rebecca: Come on Sam, you're a passionate guy. I bet you have a lot of things you care deeply about.
- Sam: Yeah, like what?
- Rebecca: Sailing.
- Sam: Babes on waves. See, the doctor was right. I'm a shallow guy.
The Gift of the Woodi [7.19]Edit
- Lilith: There are two approaches a woman can take in turning her looks to her advantage. The first is to play upon the male sexual drive and turn yourself into an object of desire. I have opted for the second.
- Rebecca: What's that?
- Lilith: Scaring them stupid.
Call Me, Irresponsible [7.20]Edit
- Rebecca: Isn't Eddie sweet? Why can't more men send flowers?
- Sam: I didn't know Mormons couldn't send flowers.
- Rebecca: I said "more men", not Mormon.
- Sam: I know they can't dance.
- Norm: No Sam, that's the Amish.
- Sam: Then why can't Mormons send flowers?
- Rebecca: They can!! I just wish someone would send me some damn flowers!
- Sam: So why does it have to be a Mormon?
- Rebecca: Oh! [walks away]
- Sam: Some people you just can't discuss religion with.
- Woody: What's goin' on, Mr. Peterson?
- Norm: The flashing side of my gut that says "insert beer here."
Sisterly Love [7.21]Edit
- Sam: At this very moment, Rebecca Howe is in her house spending two hours getting into an outfit she's gonna spend two minutes getting out of.
- Norm: What are you going to do about that sister?
- Sam: Oh, I already made a phone call to postpone our date.
- Cliff: You gonna take her out tomorrow night?
- Sam: No, take her out in a couple of hours.
- Sam: Carla, you hate your sister, don't you?
- Carla: Sure, why?
- Sam: What would I have to do to get the two of you back together again?
- Carla: Simple, Sam. Ask me to come down and identify her body.
The Visiting Lecher [7.22]Edit
- Frasier: Why didn't you just bring Valerie with you?
- Lawrence: Well you know she hates to travel. Besides we decided this was a perfect opportunity to test my theories about martial fidelity. And I'm glad to say that after 10 months of celibacy, I can how pronounce my principles sound.
- Sam: After 10 months of celibacy I couldn't even pronounce my name.
- Rebecca: Your husband came onto me at a local bar.
- Valerie: Do you mean he propositioned you?
- Rebecca: Well he didn't exactly proposition me.
- Valerie: Well what exactly did he do?
- Rebecca: He asked me about my feelings.
- Valerie: That is his field you know.
- Rebecca: That isn't all he did. He rubbed my leg with his disgusting foot.
- Sam: [to maid] She never gets tired of telling this part.