Camp Lazlo

American animated television series

Camp Lazlo! is an American animated television series created by Joe Murray for Cartoon Network. It was produced by Cartoon Network Studios. The show revolves around Lazlo, a spider monkey who attends a Boy Scout-like summer camp with a cast of anthropomorphic animal characters. It was broadcast from July 2005 to March 2008 on Cartoon Network.

Season 1Edit

Gone Fishin' (Sort of) / Beans Are from Mars [1.01]Edit

Lazlo: I'm sorry we sunk your fancy boat, and mistook you for a lake monster, but you gotta understand. We were just trying to help you catch a fish.
Lumpus: Help me? Help me?! You really want to help me?!
Lazlo, Raj, and Clam: Yes.
Lumpus: Help me catch a fish?!
Lazlo, Raj, and Clam: Yes.
Lumpus: The only way you three bozos can help me catch a fish is to get as far away from me as possible and not help me at all!

Lazlo: Scoutmaster Lumpus, [opens the monster’s mouth] do you need our help? because you asked us not to help.
Lumpus: [sarcastically] Oh, no. I’m just getting eaten by a ferocious lake monster. Don’t worry about me. What makes you think I need your...
Lazlo: Okay! [closes the monster's mouth]
Lumpus: Lazlo!
Lazlo: [opens the monster’s mouth again] Yes?
Lumpus: Eh, I do need your help. And look, I caught a fish!
Lazlo: Wow! Hey! Look you guys, a fish! We caught a fish!

Patsy: [crying] I never thought my Lazlo could alien!

[The masked Squirrel scouts have just tied up the Jelly beans]
Raj: Who-who are you?
Clam: Wh-what d'ya want?
Lazlo: [sniffs] And why do you smell so nice?
[Patsy giggles]
Gretchen: Shut your traps!

[Last lines]
Lazlo: It's so cold, I can see my breath! [breathing out snowflakes] Hey, what's wrong with Clam?
[Clam is getting a brain freeze]
Raj: [laughs] He has what we call the "brain freeze." [gets a brain freeze with His face except for his nose imploding inside his head]
Lazlo: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Brain freeze! [gets a brain freeze and making funny faces, as the Squirrel Scouts laughed at them outside the cabin]
Gretchen: Be careful!
Nina: Your faces could stick that way.
Patsy: Especially since you just ate 16 gallons of frozen glue.
Nina: And, uh, [her glasses slip] everyone knows that aliens don't eat ice cream. [re-adjusts her glasses]
Lazlo: Oh, yeah? Let's recharge!

Snake Eyes / Racing Slicks [1.02]Edit

Patsy: But I knew kung-fu! [jumps around making karate noises] And ninjitsu! [jumps around making more karate noises] And bok choy! [stands triumphantly]
Lazlo, Raj and Clam: Ooo! Bok choy!
Raj: She's quite the charmer. She has got ferocious nostrils.
Patsy: I happened to be an expert on snakes. I am a mongoose!
Raj: Wow, that's one angry caribou!

Edward: If you two are finished yapping, I'd like to have my sandwich now.
Ping-Pong: Sure thing. Edward ordered the salami sandwich; [hands a salami sandwich to Edward] hold the mayo. Dave ordered the ham and pea soup; [hands a bowl of ham and pea soup to Dave] hold the ham and peas. And I ordered the snake. [eyes widen] I ordered the snake?!
Edward, Dave and Ping-Pong: [look inside the basket] THE SNAKE! [scream]
Lazlo: [hearing their screaming from the distance] What was that?
Raj: I don't even know, but it reminded me of a movie about a melon that ate farmers.

Lazlo: Uh, I thought we were supposed to be looking for Snakey.
Patsy: Uh...Oh, yeah, we are.
Lazlo: But how come we see Snakey in the dark?

Patsy: [talking about Skip] That's funny. Where did he go?
Raj: Great holly! They're dropping like flies!

Lazlo: [running away from the snake with Patsy] But you said you're the greatest snake hunter in the world!
Patsy: I lied!
Lazlo: But what about ninjutsu?! Kung fu?! Bok choy?!
Patsy: Lied, lied, lied!
Lazlo: What about the time you beat up a snake with its own brass knuckles?!
Patsy: What part of "I lied" do you NOT understand?!

Campers: ♪ Go-cart races sing this song, do-da, do-da. ♪
♪ Go-cart races sing this song, oh-doo-da-day. ♪
Raj: ♪ Oh-a-do-da-day. ♪
Lazlo: ♪ Oh-a-do-da-day. ♪
Clam: ♪ Da-day. ♪
Campers: ♪ Go-cart races sing this song, oh-do-da... ♪
Lumpus: Will you can it with the singing?!
Slinkman: Sir, they're just excited about building their own go-carts for the big annual race.

Lights Out / Swimming Buddy [1.03]Edit

Slinkman: [as shadow puppet Lumpus] Grumble, grumble, I'm very annoyed. Slinkman! Slinkman!
Lazlo: [laughs] I love this part!
Slinkman: [as shadow puppet Slinkman] Reporting for duty, sir. [as shadow puppet Lumpus] I thought I told you to order the Jelly Beans lights out! [as shadow puppet Slinkman] I did sir, but they were scheduled for a shadow puppet show tonight. [as shadow puppet Lumpus, who clears throat]
Lumpus: [walks into Jelly Bean Cabin] Slinkman! Slinkman!
[Awkward pause]
Slinkman: Reporting for duty, sir.
Lumpus: I thought I told you to order the Jelly Beans lights out!
Slinkman: I did sir, but they were scheduled for a shadow puppet show tonight.
[Lumpus clears his throat]
Lazlo, Raj, and Clam: Yay!

Lazlo: Now then, repeat after me: You are one with the lake!
Raj: I am one with the lake! I am stuck, like a salamander.

Almondine: I haven't taken my log for a walk in a long time.

Raj: [staring down the pool] It looks like a peanut!

Lazlo: Now, just take this wet sponge... [Raj gasps, then screams] Thimble of water... [Raj screams] Drop? [Raj screams] Molecule?
Raj: [screams, then stops] Wait! Which type of molecule?
Lazlo: Uh, water. [shows Raj a molecule]
[Raj then screams]

Parasitic Pal / It's No Picnic [1.04]Edit

Lumpus: Attention, campers! Attention, campers! Five minutes until the start of the big... Buddy Day... swim finale. So, grab your...buddy and have a...good race! Yeah.
Lazlo: [delirious due to large amounts of blood being sucked from him by the leech] Oygawoygasoyoocha...gotta get to the lake...big RACE!
Lumpus: Slinkman, who is that scout?
Slinkman: Uh...Lazlo, Sir.
Lumpus: No, no, no...the fat one!
Slinkman: Uh...that's a leech, Sir. A sea lamprey, actually.
Lumpus: Oh...a sea lamprey? Well, see that Mr. Lamprey gets a uniform, will you?
Slinkman: Yes, Sir.

Skip: I can't see a gosh darn thing out of these goggles, can you see anything, Chip?
Edward: Do you imbeciles really need to be wearing your goggles before you get in the water?
Chip: I don't know, but I have my floooaties!

Lazlo: Lamar wasn't a Lamar, he was a Lauren!

Lazlo: Okay guys! Time for dinner! [the baby leeches start sucking on Clam] Wow! What an appetite! You'll be on solid food in no time.

[The Jelly-Beans splashed into the mud puddle, only to find Nina and Gretchen]
Raj: [as his head is on top of Gretchen's head] We're not alone.
Gretchen: What are you doing here? [Raj slides off of her] Well?
Raj: Well what?

Raj: Look! Lazlo's still sitting!
Dave: Just like Napoleon!

Patsy: Did you do something to your hair, Lazlo?

The Weakest Link / Lumpy Treasure [1.05]Edit

Raj: What are we going to do? I inflamed the map... [sobs hysterically] We will never find the rock! Never find water!...I'm already dizzy from dehydration.

Samson: That way!
Edward: That way!
[The night falls as Samson and Edward continue arguing about which way back to camp]
Samson: That way!
Edward: That way!
Samson: That way.
Edward: That way. [looks at his finger] You're probably right. It was that way.

Raj: Oh this is nice you guys are very civilized.
Clam: Like hot tub, like hot tub.
Big Hairy Mountain Man: Do you like Big Hairy Mountain Man massage?

Ping Pong: Who knew that bear would be attracted to the meat flavored lip balm in my pocket?
Dave: I wish we had that lip balm for breakfast.

Lumpus: [nervously to Commander Hoo-Hah] But my campers are right here... [points to a bunch of rag dolls with hats sitting on a log]

Timmy and Tommy: My treasure! What, my treasure? [strangles each other]

Tree Hugger / Marshmallow Jones [1.06]Edit

Dosey Doe / Prodigious Clamus [1.07]Edit

Raj: What do you know about love, Lazlo?
Lazlo: Nothing!

Lumpus: [not knowing he was talking to Lazlo who enters] Oh, Slinkman, you're back. I'm sorry for kicking you out the window.

Patsy: And just where do you think your going huh? You wouldn't want to miss the fireworks...

[After learning that one in 14 scouts is a genius and that there are 14 scouts in the camp]
Lumpus: That's it!
Slinkman: What's it?
Lumpus: This is my ticket outta here! I can finally say good bye to Camp Kidney... [changes the map of Camp Kidney to a world map] And hello to the world! All I have to do is find that one genius. I wonder who it is?
[Lumpus watches Clam outside from a window]
Clam: Apples!
[Clam bangs his head against the tree]
Lumpus: Well, we know who it's not.

[Clam puts puzzle pieces into his mouth, chews it, and spits it out]
Clam: Puzzle done! Back in box.

Clam: Painting done! [shows it to scoutmaster Lumpus]
Lumpus: Oh, yes. Very nice. [mumbles] Worst thing I've ever seen. [gives painting back to Clam as Lumpus walks away] When am I going to find my genius, Slinkman?
Clam: [turns over painting to reveal the Mona Lisa] Uhhh...painting done?

Lazlo: Ohh, Raj. I'm glad Clam is getting some recognition...
Raj: I recognize him. He is the short one with the big nose.

The Nothing Club / Loogie Llama [1.08]Edit

Float Trippers / The Wig of Why [1.09]Edit

Lazlo: [singing] Oh, the birds, they gotta swim, and fish, they gotta fly, Sometimes I feel like living, some times I wanna forget... All about having to leave camp and go back to school and have the teacher call on me when I don't know the answer 'cause she has some kind of radar that tells her when I don't have a clue and I'm gonna look like a dummy in front of the whole class until recess when I can scream and have fun again... And forget about the no-good lousy BLUES!

Prickly Pining Dining / Camp Kidney Stinks [1.10]Edit

Lazlo: Did you hear that? The soap dispensers makes a silly sound. It's a good thing we're behaving, or I'd be tempted to make it again!
Clam: Press it again.

Slinkman: Is everything okay, sir?
Lumpus: Yeah, we're good. [pushes the scouts to the exit] Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Slinkman: But, sir, you're forgetting...
Tarson: [to the customer] You call that a tip?! [saws the table in half with the chainsaw]

Turkey Maître D: [shocked and angry after seeing Lumpus, Slinkman and the scouts leaving the restaurant without paying] Well, my goodness! Have a nice [gobbles] day!

Samson: Merp. I miss Camp Kidney. Merp. I miss the other scouts. Why? Why? Why are my EYES burning up?! [sniffs and see the patch of stinkweeds] STINKWEEDS!

Slugfest / Beans and Weenies [1.11]Edit

Lazlo: Well, how did it go?
Edward: Did you chicken out?
Slinkman: I cant go to Slugfest. I'm just too busy.
Edward: He chickened out.
Slinkman: Lazlo, I am not going anywhere.

[While Clam serves the campers mustard]
Edward: You'd expect me to eat a plate of plain mustard?
Clam: It has zing.
Edward: Here's your zing.
[The campers throw their plates of mustard at Clam]

Lazlo: [to the campers who want hot dogs] Well, we really appreciate it. But we have something more important to deal with right now: friendship.
Campers: Awww!
Edward: Yeah, but we can't eat friendship.

Raj: Who would of thought that my buns could cause such excitement.
Lazlo: You have very nice buns, Raj.

Raj: What are we made out of?
Clam: Stuff.
Raj: Stuff? What kind of stuff?
Clam: Stuff stuff.

Raj: Hot dogs do not even need mustard! It is disgusting!
Clam: Buns are disgusting! And boring!
Raj: You think buns are BORING!?! I will show you boring!

Raj: Does anyone even know what hot dogs are made of anyway?!
Chip: I'm suddenly feeling like pizza, what about you?

Lazlo: Hey, Clam. Are you hiding out here, too?
Clam: No, I was eating garbage.

Beans & Pranks / Movie Night [1.12]Edit

Lumpus: I was once a bean scout too, you know.
Lazlo: Really?! [imagines a young Scoutmaster Lumpus]
Young Lumpus: That's "Loompus!" [kicks his scoutmaster in the shin]
Lazlo: Cute!

Raj: [using a happy buzzer on himself instead on someone else] This is marvelous! I'm like a hiccupping jumping bean!

Slinkman: Sir, we have a little problem.
Lumpus: Yeah, I know! Who let a monkey in the projector room?

Commander Hoo-Ha: Lumpus, for not following the rules, no more milky wilky for you...ever!

Lumpus: Pass the marshmallows please, Alvin.
Edward: Edward.

Lazlo: Hey, Edward! How was your movie night?
Edward: [mimicking Lazlo] "How was your movie night?" How was my movie night?! I'll tell you how it was! Can I tell you how I loathed it?! How I would have preferred sitting in a cow's stomach, watching grass being digested?!
Lazlo: Okay, maybe later!

The Big Cheese / Campers All Pull Pants [1.13]Edit

[Lumpus is asking Slinkman what each of the campers were sent]
Lumpus: What about the Dung Beetles? What did they get?
[We see Chip and Skip eyeing something on the ground]
Slinkman: Ugh, [quivers] don't want to know, sir.

Lazlo: But Scout Master Lumpus, we're supposed to have fun!
[Lumpus screams; Edward stares at him and says nothing]

Lazlo: [as Lumpus, posing as Larry, pushing him on the swing] Isn't this fun, Scoutmaster L-L-L-Larry?!
Clam: Larry!
Raj: L-L-L-L-Larry canary!
Lazlo: L-L-L-Larry underweary!
Clam: Larry!

Raj: Scout Master Lumpus, have you seen... [screams] MY CHEESE WHEEL!

Raj: So, you can just eat those spiny things and nothing will happen to you?
Lumpus: Well, I'll bloat a little... [bloats up like a balloon] ...after that you don't want to know what happens.

Lazlo: Don't forget to excuse me from pantsing.
Nurse Leslie: What? You can't get excuse from that. It's a camp thing.

Edward: Hello, Lazlo.
Lazlo: Oh, hi, Edward.
Edward: You hiding from me?
Lazlo: Yeah, I just thought I could lay low here for a while until it flew ooooooo...Edward! [looks at map] Edward, what are you doing here?
Edward: I live here, you idiot. You know, [uses shrub buddy voice] shrub buddy.

Edward: [after stopping Lazlo from running and uses a shrub as a disguise] Hey, Lazlo.
Lazlo: What? Who's there?
Edward: It's me, the shrub, your buddy.
Lazlo: My shrub buddy?
Edward: Yeah, that's it, shrub buddy. I hear you have some worries about getting pantsed.
Lazlo: Uh, yeah?
Edward: Yeah, well, I thought so. I'm willing to help you out.
Lazlo: You're a shrub.
Edward: Yeah, I know. Your shrub buddy. [reveals a map] Here, check this out. This is a map to a secret hideaway where you can lay low for a couple of days. But I'm not even sure I'm gonna give it to you.
Lazlo: Oh, please, can I have it? Oh, please! Oh, please!
Edward: Well, okay, but don't tell anybody.
Lazlo: Shrub buddy, you're the best buddy in the whole world.
Edward: Yeah, yeah, sure, Lazlo.

Raj: [surprised when seeing Chip and Skip pantsed] Goodness gracious ...
Edward: [surprises Raj in order to get him pantsed] Whoops! Ok, [gets a checklist of his victims who are pantsed] let's see now. Raj, Chuck, Samson, Mort, Clam, Bill, Chip, Skip, Dave and Ping-Pong, Gordon, Fred, Norman, Milt. That leaves...Lazlo. [to the scouts] Alright, Beans, listen up, tell Lazlo his pants are as good as mine.

Season 2Edit

Hallobeanies / Meatman [2.01]Edit

No Beads, No Business / Miss Fru Fru [2.02]Edit

Parent's Day / Club Kidney-Ki [2.03]Edit

Lumpus: You want me to blow your mind?! Because I'll blow your mind! I LIED!

Lumpus: I love you Raj!
Raj: Yeah Yeah ditto. Let's just do this.

Lumpus: I despise you, Lazlo.
Lazlo: I love you, Scoutmaster Lumpus!
Lumpus: I despise you, Lazlo.
Lazlo: I love you, Scoutmaster Lumpus!
Lumpus: I despise you, Lazlo.
Lazlo: I love you, Scoutmaster Lumpus!

Handy Helper / Love Sick [2.04]Edit

Lumpus: What badge am I missing?
Slinkman: The Handy Helper badge.
Lumpus: And that means to earn that badge, I'll have to ...
Slinkman: Help someone.
Lumpus: Help someone?! [screams] NO!
Slinkman: What are you doing, sir?
Lumpus: I'm simply too valuable to waste away at this miserable excuse for a camp. The real world needs someone with my can-do spirit, my intellect.
Slinkman: But, sir, why leave when you could just stay, earn your badge, and be done with it?
Lumpus: Because the man know the real world doesn't need badges or Grand Legume, Slinkman.

Lumpus: Goodbye, Camp Kidney, you old pile of logs. Real world, here I- [runs over by a truck]
Slinkman: Sir!
Lumpus: Just one of the hazards of the real world, Slinkman. Here, a man must pick himself up and- [runs over by an ice cream truck]
Slinkman: Sir, it wouldn't be easier to just earn the badge?
Lumpus: Easier? Yes, Slinkman, but not a man in the real world would do. [runs over by a car]
Slinkman: Yes, but I wonder if you were cut out for the real world, sir.
Lumpus: Cut out for it? Why, tailor made is more like- [runs over by a moped] Ow! That one actually hurt a little.
Slinkman: Please, reconsider, sir. But... [looks back as Lumpus was run over by objects from the real world]
Lumpus: [after getting hit multiple times] Slinkman.
Slinkman: Sir?
Lumpus: Okay, who I gotta help?

[Raj has prepared a special tea for Clam]
Raj: Careful, Lazlo.
Lazlo: [spills some tea] Oops.
Raj: Don't spill it!
[The tea eats a hole on the floor]
Lazlo: Wow! It's like magma from the Earth's core.
Raj: More powerful than that. You must be quite mindful.

Lazlo: Love sickness, love sickness, fly away home. Love sickness, love sickness, leave Clam alone.

Hello Dolly / Over Cooked Beans [2.05]Edit

Edward: [seeing that Veronica was gone] NOOOOOOOOOO!
[Edward's scream was heard in the camp, including The Jelly Beans staring at a pinecone]

Raj: I'll take care of the marshmallows if you take care of the of the pickles.
Clam: Toothpicks! [opens mouth and shows toothpicks in his mouth]

Edward: Oh, and Lazlo?
Lazlo: Yes, Edward?
Edward: Than...clean up this mess, you loser!

[A square-shaped object appears from the sky]
Lazlo: Do you see what I see?
Raj: A giant drop of rain fallen straight for us!
Clam: Splash!
Raj: The scoutmaster has granted our... [as the object falls closer and closer] ...that's NO RAINDROP!
Lazlo, Raj and Clam: LOOK OUT!
[Lazlo, Raj, and Clam looked, it was an air conditioner landed on a pile of laundry bags]

Edward: Hey, when did those Jelly Cabin dweebs get an air conditioner? I'm the hottest camper in camp!

The Battle of Pimpleback Mountain / Dead Bean Drop [2.06]Edit

Lazlo: Scoutmaster Lumpus, I think I broke my leg!
Lumpus: We'll cut it off later!
Raj: Scoutmaster Lumpus, I need some advice.
Lumpus: Here's some advice, cut the funny accent. [Clam is about to say something] Press it!

[Scoutmaster Lumpus and the Bean Scouts gather in the forest]
Lumpus: Today, we take part in the time-honored tradition of placing relics of today into time capsules to be opened by future generations of tomorrow. What do you got?
Porcupine: [holds an alarm clock in his hands] Time for the time capsule! [places it in the capsule]
Lumpus: Next! [screams when he sees the beaver with big red lips] Bee sting?
Beaver: [removes the lips. They were actually wax lips] Wax lips.
Lumpus: [smacks his forehead and groans] Next!
[The Beaver puts the wax lips in the time capsule. The Dung Beetles are inside]
Dung Beetles: We're ready!
Chip: For the future!
Lumpus: Next.
Lazlo: [arrives] Hey, Scoutmaster Lumpus.
Lumpus: What is it, kid?
Lazlo: Did you have a time capsule back when you went to Camp Kidney?
Lumpus: [flatly] Mmm-hmm.
Lazlo: Wow! So what did you put in it?
Lumpus: My youth.
Lazlo: How 'bout you, Slinkman?
Raj: What did you put in it?
Clam: Slinkman put in?
[The other scouts agree]

I've Never Bean in a Sub / The Great Snipe Hunt [2.07]Edit

Old Turtle: Still the champ! Still the champ!

Patsy: He's dreamy...
Ms. Mucus: He's putting us out of business!

Edward: Our own sub?
Lazlo: Here you go. [hands Edward a sub sandwich]
Edward: Submarine sandwiches. Ooh, I'm losing with pride.

Samson: I heard about these kinds of things. The insane Scoutmaster takes his troupe out to the woods, uh, there's an axe, and a pile of bones, and, and some marbles, an' a bag of cereal! An' all they find is an eyebrow!
[Lumpus glares at Samson, now wearing a huge bushy monobrow]

Burpless Bean / Slap Happy [2.08]Edit

Campers: Ooga ooga eega eega aah!

Snow Beans / Irreconcilable Dungferences [2.09]Edit

Mascot Madness / Tomato Paste [2.10]Edit

Commander Hoo-Ha: Tomato scouts don't cry!

Camp Samson / Beany Weenies [2.11]Edit

There's No Place Like Gnome / Hot Spring Fever [2.12]Edit

Edward: I would rather read the phone book than to hear about [in sarcastic voice] magical wood gnomes! [Lazlo is seen smiling] But you're gonna tell us anyway?
[Lazlo nods his head]

Edward: Dingle Dinglehopper...

Edward: [to Slinkman] How am I gonna explain this to my mother?!
Slinkman: Well, there is a way, but it is very difficult.
Edward: Everything with mother is difficult.

Edward: My final moments are going to be spent in the mouths of pink-cheeked, bearded, miniature mutants, who inspired hideous lawn ornaments!

Hello Summer, Goodbye Camp [2.13]Edit

Edward: I know this sounds crazy but I had a dream last night that told me to gather everyone at the gate and then I will get what I most desire, I hope it's a voodoo drum!

Lazlo: Here you go pal, use my neckerchief. I won't need it anymore.
Raj: Lazlo, there is something written on the inside of your neckerchief.
Lazlo: Oh yeah, that was there...when I first got it.
Raj: Let me take to my heart, Camp Kidney, a wonderland where summer runs free...
Lazlo: ...where I laughed and I played while my good parents paid to let their child come of age and be me.
Raj: [laughs] Steaming saffron! Who wrote that hokey baloony!?
Big Bean: [crying] I did.

Clam: Oblivion!

Season 3Edit

7 Deadly Sandwiches [3.01]Edit

Lumpus: A ROCK!!!!!?????

The Big Weigh In / Hard Days Samson [3.02]Edit

Waiting for Edward / Beans in Toyland [3.03]Edit

Where's Clam / Bowling for Dinosaurs [3.04]Edit

Raj: Eeh! This wood is hurting me. Eeh! I think i'm getting a callus! EEEH!

Clam: Yoga.
Raj: What yoga is, Clam?
Lazlo: Well I guess that leaves more for us then
Raj: Um.. I think I'm late for my yoga lesson, Lazlo
Clam: Yoga
Lazlo: Oh well, I will save them some.

Squirrel Seats / Creepy Crawly Campy [3.05]Edit

Sweet Dream Baby / Dirt Nappers [3.06]Edit

Samson: Oh, this is terrible! What should I do?
Samson's Shoulder Angel: Tell the truth, Samson. You'll feel better.
Samson's Shoulder Devil: No, don't! They'll all hate you. I…I…
Samson's Shoulder Angel: What's wrong?
Samson's Shoulder Devil: The shoulder's so filthy.

Spacemates / Temper Tee Pee [3.07]Edit

Lazlo Loves a Parade / Are You There S.M.I.T.S? It's Me Samson [3.08]Edit

Mayor Pothole McPhucker: Well done! First place! First place! Brilliant! Just look at that face! [the photo of Lumpus] Just look at that thing protruding... [the meaning statue of Piercely R. Prickly]

Raj: Are you sure it's okay to steal all this stuff?
Lazlo: It's not stealing, Raj, it's borrowing and besides we'll leave an I.O.U for them in case they're wondering where it is.

Samson: Merciful merp! [losing control of himself] How am I supposed to get to the store?! Merp. [crawls on his bed sadly] If I get beaten by one more ball I'll go insane! [starts crying]

Harold: [showing a photo to Dave] There she is.
Dave: Wow. She's beautiful.
Samson: Let me see that. [takes the photo out of Harold's hand] I've seen better. [stuffs the photo in his pocket] I'll keep it anyway.
Harold: But that was a picture of my mom.

[As Samson takes his pillows and heads back to his cabin, he ends up finding himself trapped in a circle of all the other angry bean scouts holding their own pillows, threatening to beat him up for everything he put them through yesterday]
Edward: You're not going anywhere, pillow boy! Not until we all give you, a little taste, of some pillows!

Tusk Wizard / Squirrel Scout Slinkman [3.09]Edit

Milt: Watch those tusks!
Harold: Sorry.

Milt: You're hanging out with Raj, now.
Larrison: You just jumped a whole level!

Lumpus: It's not fair but I don't care.

Slinkman: [saw Lumpus reflection at the rock] Oh my gosh. I've...I've become Lumpus.

Bear-l-y a Vacation / Radio Free Edward [3.10]Edit

Valentine's Day / A Job Well Dung [3.11]Edit

Commander Hoo-Ha: Now, I know what you're all asking yourselves why did Hoo-Ha bring his daughter here, hmm? The answer is simple: I have decided that she is at proper age to know what a boy is.
Patsy: Daddy, I know what a boy is...
Commander Hoo-Ha: Dup-dup-dup-dup! [picks Lazlo up] This, pumpkin, is a boy.
Patsy: Hi, Lazlo!
Lazlo: Ahem. Hoo-Ha's your dad?
Patsy: Duh!
Commander Hoo-Ha: No fraternizing with my pumpkin! Fraternizing leads to liking. And if a boy wants to like my Pumpkin [puts his hands next to both sides of Patsy's eyes], not just like, I mean like like, WHO COULD SAY WHAT I'D DO?! [blows his top in anger, which flies in front of the Beans and catches fire and disappears] Well I don't have to worry about that, do I? Isn't that right?!
[Slinkman, Edward, Raj and Clam shake in fear]
Samson: You really have to beat me up?

Lumpus: My old cabin could sure use an upgrade. Dum-dum, dum-dum, DUUMM. [destroys the old cabin model to show the upgrade model] Oh, the official scoutmaster upgrade? Well yes of course I know I deserve it for keeping my temper and Roman quota for three years and running. [Slinkman knocks the door as he hide models] What?! [Chip and Skip are crying] Slinkman. Why are they weeping??
Slinkman: Because Skip and Chip’s camp dues haven't been paid up in months. I have no choice but to send them home to their three nannies [throws backwards the notebook] it’s scout regulations.
Chip: We love camp. [crying]
Skip: We don't want to go home. [crying]
Lumpus: [worried] Home? Slinkman. We can't send them home. [angry] If we do it will ruin my hill Roman streak. [getting worried] And I won't get my cabin upgrade.
Slinkman: Officially, the only way they can stay is if they have jobs, here in camp to pay off what they owe.
Lumpus: [being happy] YES JOBS! Problem solved.

Slinkman: Chef Mcmuesli, I'm assigning Chip and Skip here to work for the mess hall.
Chef Mcmuesli: Oh alrighty then boys let's get to work you'll put these hair nets. So what I'd like for you guys to do is... [notices that their hair nets are mainly wrong]
Skip: I saw a firetruck.

Skip: What do you recommend? [Chip fills all the tray from rice] It needs something. [thinks what needs, meanwhile a fly dies by the insects killer and falls into the tray. he soon speaks to Chip] You’re a genius [although the dead fly do this]
Lazlo: Ugh... [walks backwards disgustedly]
Raj: I'm not hungry anymore.
Clam: We might throw up.
[The Jelly beans run away from the mess hall]
Lumpus: [annoyed] OH, I'LL TAKE THAT! [chews the tray and throws up off-screen]

Nurse Leslie: [Lumpus gets in crying] Are you hurt, Scoutmaster?
Lumpus: [sadly] Paper cut!
Nurse Leslie: Where? [the phone rings] Huh, there goes the phone. You boys can bandage him up, right? [Lumpus sounds like a hurted puppy dog] You'll be fine. [speaking to the phone] Look how many times do I have to tell you mechanics what to do with my car? I'm going to take you through it step by step for the last time so listen up.
Chip: Hey Nurse Leslie, we bandaged him. What else should we do?
Nurse Leslie: Step one: open the hood.
Chip: Open the hood. [Chip and Skip hurting Scoutmaster Lumpus]
Nurse Leslie: Then lift the engine.
Chip: Lift the engine. [staying hurting Scoutmaster Lumpus]
Nurse Leslie: Now remove and reattach the hose. [Lumpus screams and runs away in panic, because Chip and Skip did too bad] Get out.

Chip and Skip: Yeah?
Chip and Skip: Yes, Sir.
Slinkman: [pointing Lumpus] Really, all this for a cabin upgrade.
[Lumpus laughs evilly, meanwhile Chip and Skip move and knock down to the mountains like a line of dominoes' tokens]
Lumpus: [screams and tries to leave but the last mountain squashes Lumpus] Ow!

The Bean Tree / Taking Care of Gretchen [3.12]Edit

Scoop of the Century / Boxing Edward [3.13]Edit

Season 4Edit

Strange Trout from Outer Space / Cheese Orbs [4.01]Edit

Samson: [to one of the trouts] Here, do that thing you do with the paper, come on! Do it!
Trout: [reading the diary page] Dear Diary, I want to be Lazlo's friend sooooo...
Samson: [interrupts and snatches the page back] Give me that!

Alien 3: I have an idea! Lets hold him hostage until they give us chesse!
Alien 1: [watching other campers beat up the Samson rock] Somehow I don't know if that will work.

Alien 3: I indicate cheese in 24 hours!
Alien 2: Is it safe to stay with the earthling?
Nina: [enters dressed in a spacesuit] Ta-da! What do you think of my space jumper?
Alien: It's wierd. It's harmless. We'll stay.

Almondine: Is she okay?
Patsy: [dizzy with her hair in a mess] I’m okay.
Amber: [laughs] Look at her hair!
Patsy: My hair?! [gasps in shock, screaming] MYYYY HAAAAAAAIIRRRRR! [to Nina, angrily] You, and you're stupid science experiments! I have never been so humiliated!

Gretchen: [while she and Patsy are by the window, lonely] No cheese, No Nina.
Lazlo: [as he and his cabin mates show up] Hi, ladies! I Know how to turn those long faces short- a preview of my Hungarian Cheddar?
Patsy: [exclaims in shock as she turns away from Lazlo's cheese] Get away, get away!
Lazlo: [nervously pulls the cheese away] Oh! Um...Sorry.
[Patsy cries and runs away]
Gretchen: [to Lazlo, angrily] Smooth move, jellies. Everybody knows she's allergic to cheese! She bloats, she turns into- [gasps and realizes as an idea gets into her head] Aha!

Nina: [realizes the alien was her two friends] Gretchen?! Patsy?! [runs to Patsy] What happened to you?
Patsy: [voice breaking] I...ate...all the...cheese!
Nina: [tearing up] But why, Patsy? Why?
Patsy: [gulps, tearing up] Because prefer disgusting mutants with lasers...over me.
Nina: [smiles hopefully] You had a severe allergic reaction just for me??? Come here, you two! [group hugs Patsy and Gretchen as the audience awws]

Jane: Um...Folks, [chuckles] there's just a little bit of bad news: [chuckles again] there is no cheese.
[Everyone gasps and runs away screaming to their homes]

Hold It Lazlo / Being Edward [4.02]Edit

Award to the Wise / Cave Chatter [4.03]Edit

Lazlo: Here you go, Sheldon [hands Sheldon an award]
Sheldon: Best performance from an incidental character. Wow, thanks Lazlo!

Raj: [about the wood glue] Peww, Lazlo, that smells terrible.
Lazlo: Really? I kinda like the smell of wood glue.

Samson: Ah, Murf! The only reason the cave bean listens to me. Now, that Lazlo took him I have no one to talk to.
Edward: Who are you talking to?
Samson: Nobody.

Slinkman: [walks into the living room] Alright, Scoutmaster Lumpus! Ready for your- [notices he is injured violently, surprised] Oh, my! Your back, it's all in knots.
Samson: [walks into the plains, sadly] I can't have anything they can! You meet a frozen caveman, they become friends and BAM! Somebody wants to thaw him out! He was my... [sniffles] ...friend. He'd listened! [starts crying] Now there's no one to listen no one in the [sits down by a lake] There's just me, me...

Ed's Benedict / The Book of Slinkman [4.04]Edit

Samson: [with binoculars staring up at the sun] Is it bad to stare directly at the sun?
Clam: [looking directly at the sun with binoculars and getting his eyes slowly burned] Yes.

Edward: [panicking over the egg] WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!
Chip: Aren't you gonna lay another one?
Skip: We don't have to watch.
Edward: The Ed-man is going to calmly walk over here...he's going to close his eyes...and when he opens them, he's going to wake up from this nightmare. [shuts his eyes tight]
Skip: Sneaky!
Edward: [to himself] WAKE UP, EDWARD! There, it worked!

Edward: HOW?! How can you eat eggs?!
Milt: Uh, with a fork?
Edward: animals! [walks to the exit and starts stomping furiously]

Slinkman: [talking about a great scout] That was back when beans were beans. Way back...last week.

Lazlo: Mr. Slinkman, where would are society be without books? Think of the notebook, think of the phone book...and the most greatest book of all...THE COMIC BOOK!

Never Bean on the Map / Harold and Raj [4.05]Edit

Lumpus: I don't like meat. I LOVE meat!

Professor Lion: [off-screen] Hey, Edna, would look at this, they finally put Camp Kidney on the place mad map. That's perfect!
Edna: Just what we've been waiting for.
Professor Lion: Now our life has purpose beyond the early bird special.

Edward: Wait a minute.
Raj: What?
Edward: Flying marshmallows?
Raj: True story.
Edward: Well that was the best story I ever heard!

Harold: [struggling] I like bananas! Also, I looked at my toenail once and I think I saw it grow. The End!
[The other bean scouts are shocked; Milt and Larrison clap slowly]
Edward: [annoyed] Ugh! Losers!
[Later, Harold and his friends walk back to their cabin]
Milt: I loved your story! The part about the toenail was like, WOW!
Harold: It was stupid. [sadly] Why can't I tell cool stories like Raj?
Milt: Hey, why can't I get a life? [laughs hysterically, along with Larrison]
Harold: I'll tell you why! All we do is stand in the background and watch the cool guys do stuff. I'm sorry but I'm gonne be cool, or my name's not Harold.
Milt: But your name's not Harold.
Harold: Well that's what the cool guys call me!

Raj: Got any marshmallows, Samson?
Samson: [walking by] Nope. Quit three weeks ago.

Raj: Harold, you are a nice guy but hanging out with you is like, hanging out with myself. And I'm surprised by how pretty that is. Let's not hang out anymore. Don't call, don't write, don't drop by unexpectedly.
Harold: But Raj, I thought...
Raj: Great, bye! Nice knowing ya! [walks off and leaves]

Samson: [walking by] My allergies are really acting up today.
Harold: I got allergies too! [breathes heavily] Can I be your friend hamster boy?! [to Chip and Skip] How 'bout you fellers? Can I be like you?! Heck, I'm dumber and stinkier than the two of you combined! [Chip and Skip walk off; breaks down, crying and sobbing emotionally] I just wanted to be cool and, do fun stuff! [Raj walks up to him] Well, look who decided to drop by unexpectedly!
Raj: Can I, um, talk to you for a sec?

Raj: Um, Harold, I do not think you are a superhero.
Harold: My name's not Harold either. I'll never know who I am.
Edward: [laughing] What a loser! And if that loser was too cool to hang out with [to Milt and Larrison] you guys, what does that make you?
[Milt and Larrison look at each other upset]
Harold: [growls furiously and marches over to Edward] You…can't…talk to my friends like THAT!
Edward: Well, if ain't Captain Banana-Pants.

Lumpus vs. the Volcano / Nursemaster [4.06]Edit

[In his office, Scoutmaster Lumpus is watching a commercial on T.V. On the T.V. is a banjo-playing rooster dressed as a sherrif]
Deputy Doodle-Doo: ♪ Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell... ♪ [throws his banjo off-screen] Howdy, partners!
Children: Howdy to you!
Deputy Doodle-Doo: Bet you're feelin' hungry.
Children: You know that we do!
Deputy Doodle-Doo: Well, my name is Deputy Doodle-Doo. Make the best frozen dinners especially for you! [A pie gets placed on the table and then cuts to him coming out of a saloon] But if you don't believe me or you think it's a lie... [The pie on the table bursts open and a baby chick pops out] There she blows!
Baby chick: Try our chicken pot pie!
[Lumpus drools while watching this]
Deputy Doodle-Doo: Big ol' chunks of chicken with gravy. All wrapped up in a deep-dish prairie-style pie. [four pies with arms and legs dance behind him] But if you don't believe me or you think it's a lie... [The chick pops out of the pie] There she blows!
Baby Chick: Try our chicken pot pie!
T.V. Announcer: Available in your local frozen food section. Additional gravy sold separately. Get some now.
Lumpus: Will do!

Samson: Can't you see I'm a walking health hazard?!

Dungs in Candyland / Tour Wars [4.07]Edit

Lazlo's First Crush / Living la Vida Lumpus [4.08]Edit

Lazlo: I'm in love with a mermaid!
Raj: That's great, dude.

Lazlo: WHAT?!

Lazlo: [to Edward] Doofus says "What?"
Edward: What? [realizes he's been tricked] Grrr, real mature, Lazlo.

Samson's Mail Fraud / The Haunted Coffee Table [4.09]Edit

Friendward / Camp Dinkey [4.10]Edit

Doting Doe-Eyed Deerest / Clown Camp [4.11]Edit

Season 5Edit

Edward's Big Bag / The List [5.01]Edit

Lazlo: Hey Edward! You can sleep in my sleeping bag!
Edward: I don't have much of a choice, do I? [gets in Lazlo's sleeping bag] Your pajamas feel nice to! What are they, flannel?
Lazlo: I sleep in the nude.

Lazlo: I need to tell Dave I love him!
Edward: [to the audience] You can't write this kind of stuff.


Edward: It feels good to wash this day away. All those acts of kindness and compassion. They went against everything I've ever stood for. I feel like my soul's been hacked from my body and trampled.

Chef McMuseli: Hey! That was supposed to be vegetarian!

Camp Complain / The Engagement [5.02]Edit

Leonard: The sky is too blue.
Liniment: The grass is too green.
[Louie farts]
Larry: Louie farted.

[Scoutmaster’s Cabin; Slinkman brings Lazlo, Samson, Harold, and Edward over to talk to them]
Lazlo: So, what do you guys think Slinkman wants to talk to us about?
Harold: I don't know.
Samson: It’s a mystery.
Edward: As long as this isn't about me forcing the sheep to eat mud. Which I didn't! Then I don't care what this is about.
Slinkman: [enters] Hey, fellas.
Edward: [shouting] I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! [shuts his mouth]
Slinkman: Okay.

Edward: I can't believe this! They're not complaining on purpose!
Harold: But why would they do that?
Edward: Don't you see? They're jealous of our pinball!
Samson: Yeah, and our hats!
Edward: No Samson. They're not jealous of our hats.
Samson: Our badges?
Edward: Stop talking.

Mayor Pothole McPucker: Wait a minute, ma'am.

[after Lumpus has confessed his love for Jane while dressed as a woman]
Mayor Pothole McPucker: ...I love you too!
Jane: Huh?!
Mayor Pothole McPucker: I'm sorry, Jane. She's hot.

Samson: [in a solemn, but horrified voice] I tried to pick up Scoutmaster Lumpus.
Lazlo: [remembers] Yacka! That's who it was!

Call Me Almondine / Clam the Outlaw [5.03]Edit

Almondine: [voiceover] Who is that desperate bird? That desperate bird is me. And my Almondine. Six hours ago, I was just another Squirrel Scout.
Tootie: Hey, Almondine, are you ready for the annual Acorn Flats Wig Out?

Miss Mucus: Ladies, how do we all feel about Almondine's wig?
Nina: Ugh. The hat. What were you thinking?
Almondine: It's to keep the wig arm. [Nina and Patsy look at each other confused] I'm just trying to be practical.

Miss Mucus: Someone get Almondine some curlers. She's got work to do.
Patsy: We've got six hours to go! Are you sure you're gonna have something pretty?
Almondine: No problem.

Almondine: Miss Doe, what is pretty?
Jane: Well, little girls are pretty, and cold left overs are pretty!
Almondine: Cold leftovers?

Almondine: [voiceover] What was pretty? Did it come in a box or a can? The Wig Out train was leaving and I still didn't have a ticket. When suddenly, there she was! I finally knew what pretty looked like. If I could make myself look like the ladies in the magazine, then I could make my wig pretty. How hard can it be? [takes off her glasses and gets to work] I did things to my face that I've never done before. After a bucket of paint and a gallon of elbow grease, I was ready to see the new me. [puts her glasses back on and sees in her reflection that she looks exactly the same] Nothing. I guess pretty was just for pretty people. Not for plain practical me.
Patsy: [enters with Nina and Gretchen] Hi, Almondine! Are you ready for the wig out?
Almondine: [starts breaking down, sobbing, and runs out of the tent] Forget it! [angrily throws the magazine on the ground and runs away; voiceover] The Wig Out was going to be a disaster, and it was all my fault. I had to get away, somewhere else, under a pretty name like "Tiffany" or "Alexis", at some other camp, a camp where they don't know me, a camp where they're not so pretty.

Almondine: Brother, can you spare me a banana? I haven't eaten all day.
Raj: [gives Almondine a banana] Well, what you been up to?
Almondine: Chasing a dream.
Raj: Doesn't look like she caught it.
Almondine: Thought I knew what pretty was. Turns out, I don't know anything about it.
Lazlo: Oh, that's nothing. Whatever make you different is what makes you pretty.

Lumpus: Get a rope.
Slinkman: Sir?
Lumpus: We'll need one to get the bus out.
Slinkman: Oh, yeah, right.

Lumpus: [playing the keytar] Let me tell you about a dude... [murmuring while playing] ...who can be a bit... [key line] ...rude. He'll get you some.... [pause]
Slinkman: Food.
Lumpus: FOOODDD! And maybe dog or something. [stops playing the keytar] ALL RIGHT, HE'S OUTLAW! LUMPUS ALRIGHT, ME?! [the Bean Scouts looked puzzled] HERE COMES THE BRIDGE! YEAH!

Penny for Your Dung / Baby Bean [5.04]Edit

Lazlo: Now, we've got to decide what to do about Chip and Skip. If they're not stopped, they may destroy the whole world.
Samson: But what can we do?
Edward: We can hit them! It's always worked for me!
Lazlo: Let's try to think of something nonviolent.
Edward: Then I got nothing.

Lazlo: Chip? Skip? Are you guys down there? [Chip pops out of the hole] Where's the other one?
Skip: [pops out of Chip's mouth] This better be good.

Chip: Let's see, what do you think?
Skip: [examines the penny] Hmm, not bad... [Chip starts to smile] ...But not good. [Chip frowns] It's a fake!
Lazlo: What? But, how do you know?
Chip: Our penny had a picture of Abraham Lincoln on it.
Lazlo: That penny has a picture of Abraham Lincoln on it.
Chip: Our Abraham Lincoln had an eyepatch.
Skip: And a Banjo.
[Lazlo's eyes roll crazy and his head explodes]
Chip: Keep you're phoniness penny [gives the headless Lazlo back the penny]
Skip: How dumb those he think we are?

Chip: But you can't have a funeral until the search is called off.
Lazlo: It was called off this morning.
Skip: Who called it off?
Lazlo: President Frankenstien...
Dave: [as President Frankenstien] I'm sorry for your loss.

Skip: I'm okay!
Chip: I'm not!

Clam: What if he goes poopie? [Raj releases a loud fart as he messes his diaper] Too late.

Slinkman: Oh, it looks like it's a baby.
Lumpus: A what?
Slinkman: Well, a baby is like a little person, who will one day grow up to be a big person.
Lumpus: Sweet mother of science, what will they think of next?

Raj: Now that was weird.
Lumpus: Son?
Raj: I think I'm going now.
Lumpus: Going but where?
Raj: Back to camp and outdoor living. I am through with gadgets.

Kamp Kringle [5.05]Edit

Edward: You've come to the right place, I love making people hate Camp Kidney.

Raj: But what will we make the toys out of?
Lazlo: [picks up rock] This rock.

Santa: I think camping is what the doctor ordered.

Bad Luck Be a Camper Tonight / Step Clam [5.06]Edit

Almondine: Gretchen? GRETCHEN!
Gretchen: Look, Almondine, I already told you, the Wingnut Sisterhood Club is an exclusive club!
Almondine: Uhh… What makes it exclusive?
Gretchen: What do you got?
Almondine: Well, um… Oh! I can spot a mouse from 3 miles and can write with both hands!
Gretchen: Then we're exclusive of ambidextrous birds of prey. Now, SCRAM!

[After Nina runs off into the forest, crying]
Squirrel: Why is it that campers always run into the forest when they get upset?

Wedding Bell Blues / O Brother, Who Art Thou [5.07]Edit

Peace Frog / Lumpus's Last Stand [5.08]Edit

Lumpus: [relaxing on a lawn chair while enjoying his coffee] You going to tell me what you want or are you just going to stare?
[The scene cuts to the Bean Scouts holding bags of dirty clothes cause it's laundry day today]
Slinkman: It's laundry day, sir.
Lumpus: Cancel it. [stares angrily at Slinkman]
Slinkman: No can do, [opens a green book and flipped through the pages of how Lumpus cancels laundry day so many times] you've cancelled it so many times that there's only one more page left in the calendar.
Lumpus: Oh, really? Let me see. [rips a page out of the book and sees it] Mmm-hmm. Hmm. [crumbles the page, dip it a coffee and eats it. Then he drinks the coffee] Ahh!
[Slinkman glares at Lumpus]
Lumpus: Don't be a sucker, Slinky. Laundry is the biggest waste of time there is. Why if it weren't for the laundry, we'd have time to solve world hunger and invent time travel.
Slinkman: Or sleep all day on a lawn chair?
Lumpus: Oh, okay! [fall fast asleep on a lawn chair]
Slinkman: [shows Lumpus the children who are wearing dirty clothes] And what about the children? [off-screen] They've been wearing the same filthy clothes for weeks.
Lumpus: [wakes up] Well, when I'm feeling less than fresh, I simply turn my clothes inside out and let the breeze clean them.
[Green filthy gas from Lumpus' unclean bean scout uniform pops out and destroys everything from Camp Kidney. Lumpus smells his uniform and knows it needs to get washed]

Lumpus: [looks himself through the mirror] Well, I am either a lunatic or the greatest genius the world has ever known.

[After the Bean Scouts throw away their clothes; Lumpus is giving them an announcement]
Lumpus: Listen up, Beans, Say goodbye to those cotton-poly prisons called clothes. Today we break the time wasting Saul washing cycle of wash, wear and repeat, For I, Algonquin C. Genius, have invented a uniform that can be worn around the clock and never needs washing.
Beans Scouts: [off-screen] Yeah!
[Lumpus takes out some red paint]
Lumpus: Who wants to try one on?
Edward: Does it have to be a Bean Scout uniform?
Lumpus: Not at all, choose any style you like.
[Edward uses blue paint and paints himself a tuxedo, and a hat which he puts on his head. Lazlo uses green paint and paints himself invisible. Chip and Skip use brown paint and paint themselves some Bean Scout uniforms and add some faces to the backs of their heads]
Chip and Skip: Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha!
[Samson uses pink paint and paints himself a ballerina costume and added tutu. He twirls like a ballerina. Meanwhile, the Owl Cop drives his bicycle and stops at Camp Kidney. He use his binoculars and sees Dave, Ping Pong and Harold making painted clothes]
Owl Cop: [off-screen] Huh? [on-screen] Uhh... [went to talk to Lumpus] Mister, what in Bob's bingo is going on here?
Lumpus: Umm, what does it look like?
Owl Cop: Like a bunch of folks wearing paint instead of clothes. [Lumpus has an unhappy expression] What color do you have?
Lumpus: [as he finishes painting the cop's clothes] And that should it.
Owl Cop: Oh man, that's perfect.
Lumpus: Kiss those dry cleaning bills goodbye.
Owl Cop: You got any bicycle paint? [later, after Lumpus turns the cop's bicycle into a motorcycle] Oh man, I'm telling all my friends about this! [drives away]

[The last scene of the series]
Lumpus: Let me just start by saying how surprised I am. Surprised you have an honor to be sooner I mean I was telling people that I've been a genius for years. But perhaps I am not here to point fingers. [suddenly, rain clouds appear in the sky] There are some people that I like to thank for helping me. [The thunder's rumble is heard] Oh no, wait! I did it all myself. [laughs hysterically as the lightning crashes. Then it begins to rain washing all of the people's painted clothes off] Yes, that's me, the exulted one. Worship me of the universe. [laughs hysterically as the rain washes his painted clothes off. The rain stops and he looks down] DDDAAAAHHHHH!
Owl Cop: [gasps] Hey! He's naked... [looks down]
[All of the Prickly Pines citizens begin panicking. Tarson grabs one of the citizens to cover his naked body. The two green moose walk away from each other and Lazlo and the Bean Scouts feel uncomfortable]
Owl Cop: [to Lumpus while covering his naked body] Now what are we going to do? We destroyed our clothes!
Lumpus: Yeah? So is that a bad thing?
Professor Lion: It's a disaster! And you're the crazy person. [walks away] We never should've listened to you.
[The citizens tell Lumpus that he's no genius at all. Suddenly the statue of Lumpus from the future disintegrates turning back into everyone's clothes who haven't been washed in a thousand years]
Lumpus: [gasps] NNNNNNOOOOOOO!
[The two green moose from the future turn into present day guys losing their antlers and becoming very thin and skinny]
Futuristic Moose 1: Well, there goes the future.
Futuristic Moose 2: Hey, I'm starving.
Futuristic Moose 1: Let's go back to the future and grab a bite.
[They both go into the time machine]
Owl Cop: Quick, let's get them clothes on!
[The citizens put their stinky clothes on] 
Prickly Pine citizen: [groans in disgust] They stink. 
Owl Cop: Well, they haven't been washed in a thousand years! THANKS A LOT, GENIUS!
[The citizens run towards Lumpus until they hear the police siren from the distance. The police car and the hospital van come to a stop. Heffer Wolfe and the police officer step out of the police car]
Real Scoutmaster: Uh-huh, uh-huh! That's him, officer! That's the bad moose who locked me in the closet all summer and stole my job as scoutmaster. [to Slinkman and the Bean Scouts] He fooled all of you! He's an impostor, a fake, and worse... He is no scoutmaster of Camp Kidney!
Bean Scouts: WHAT?!
Lumpus: Yeah, so? [a hospital guard walks up to Lumpus] What are you doing? [the hospital guard puts a straitjacket on him] Get your hands off of me! [the hospital guard then picks him up and walks off with him] I'll get you for this, cow!
Real Scoutmaster: [takes his real hat from Lumpus and puts it back on] Steer!
Lumpus: I'm a genius, you know! [the hospital guard drives off with him] I'M A GENIUS!
[Lazlo, Raj, Clam, Samson and Edward are standing around naked]
Lazlo: Bye, Scoutmaster Lumpus! Get some rest! Boy, what a happy ending.
Edward: Lazlo, we're standing here in Prickly Pines naked, and the moose we thought was our scoutmaster had just got hauled off as a deranged lunatic to a funny farm.
Lazlo: Yeah! What a great summer! Whoo! I can't wait for next year!
[Everyone walks off-screen, leaving Samson behind]
Samson: [unimpressed] Okay. I think it's just officially got to the point where it can't get any weirder. [then walks off-screen and joins the others as the scene fades to black]

[The last credits of the series; Lumpus's car keys falls into the house of a fish family in Leaky Lake]
Stanley: [notices Lumpus's car keys] Hey, Helen! Look what fell from the roof! It's a sign from the heavens of male superiority!
Helen: [off-screen] That's nice, Stanley, but can you take out the garbage now?
[The last of the keys falls down]
Stanley: [last line of the series; unhappy] Uh, yeah...okay.
[The scene cuts to Cartoon Network Studios logo and then fades to black, ending the episode and the series]


Voice castEdit

External linksEdit

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