Boy Meets World (season 5)

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Boy Meets World (1993–2000) was a television sitcom in which Cory Matthews (Ben Savage) experiences all the twists and turns of life along with his teacher, Mr. Feeny (William Daniels); his brother, Eric (Will Friedle); his best friend, Shawn (Rider Strong); and his girlfriend, Topanga (Danielle Fishel).

Brothers [5.1]

Cory: [referring to candles] Oh, those are for Topanga. Those set the mood.

Shawn: Kinda looks like a church in here.

Cory: You're ruining the mood!

Topanga: You have a picture of your brother in your wallet?

Cory: Yeah, why?

Topanga: Oh, nothing. I just think it's sweet. I'm in there too, right?

Cory: You will be.

Boy Meets Real World [5.2]

Feeny: An excellent start on your documentary, Mr. Matthews.

Cory: What?

Feeny: Yes, excellent. I said excellent, and I was talking about something you did. I don't know what came over me.

Shawn: You have five minutes of me in the shower. You can't use that!

Cory: It's for the European version. If I don't get into NYU, my next choice is Sweden YU.

It's Not You... It's Me [5.3]

Shawn: Look, Mr. Feeny. Let's not waste anyone's time. Cory and I, we broke up.

Cory: It should've happened sooner!

Shawn: But we stayed together for the kids...

[Feeny looks puzzled]

Cory: ...in the class.

Feeny: [holding an open book] And that, Mr. Hunter, is how babies are made.

Shawn: I still don't believe him.

Eric: You don't get it. We're in college now. We're being judged on a whole new level. Theories and footnotes, shades of meaning, nuance, spelling, where does it end? WHERE DOES IT END?

Fraternity Row [5.4]

[Jack gets off the elevator in a red dress, high heels and a matching kerchief]

Jack: I don't want to talk about it, okay?

Eric: Yeah, well, I do! You took that out of my closet!

Professor Michaels: Free will. Wanna take a shot?

Shawn: Do I really have a choice?

Professor Michaels: Ooh, gotta take five.

The Witches of Pennbrook [5.5]

Jack: I'm just uncomfortable picking up girls.

Eric: Watch and learn. [gets very close to Jack's face with a weird smile]

Jack: What are you doing?

Eric: I'm loving you with my eyes.

Jack: Please don't.

Shawn: Hey, Rosemary. How's the baby?

No Guts, No Cory [5.6]

[Eric has been told that he cannot enlist due to flat feet.]

Eric: Everybody's doing their part in this war. I want to help. I'm going back to that recruitment office and tell them that a little case of flat feet isn't gonna stop Eric Matthews from fighting those evil Canadians.

Alan: I have a feeling it's not the flat feet.

Shawn: Cory, we're going down to enlist. Uncle Sam wants us. I wasn't gonna go, but he was pointing right at me.

I Love You, Donna Karan - Part I [5.7]

Shawn: It's like you and Topanga, a perfect fit.

Cory: Yeah, but I didn't fall in love with her luggage.

Cory: Mr. Feeny, we found this purse. Who runs the Lost and Found?

Feeny: [pause] I do, Mr. Matthews. I teach English, history and film, and I run the Lost and Found.

Shawn: We'll put up a notice.

Chasing Angela - Part II [5.8]

Cory: [referring to Shawn's little black book] This will never make you happy! [glancing at the book] Ahh! My aunt!

Eric: [tasting Jack's pumpkin pie] Is pumpkin pie supposed to have bones?

How to Succeed in Business [5.9]

Eric: Sorry buddy, this seat's saved for [sigh] Monica.

Jack: What happened to [sigh] Bridgette?

Eric: She found out about [sigh] Monica.

Eric: [reading Amy's new paper] "An Evening in Cape Cod." Now this is more like it. "As Alan touched me, my lips began to quiver..." Don't you do anything but quiver? [skims ahead] Oh my God, you do!

Last Tango in Philly [5.10]

Shawn: Cor, let's try to figure this thing out. The girls want to dance more than anything in the world and we want to make them happy.

Cory: Okay, there's gotta be a simple solution to all of this.

[They both think hard for a minute.]

Shawn: Anything?

Cory: Nothing.

Feeny: Now, why didn't I see that?

Eric: Well, Mr. Feeny, I'm in college. You're still in high school.

Eric: From the beginning of time, men have been idiots.

A Very Topanga Christmas [5.11]

Cory: This year, no running around the house naked singing "We Wish You A Merry Christmas." I'm looking at you.

Eric: I only do it because people have come to expect it.

Jack: We usually go to the Val d'Isère and see the French Alps.

Shawn: Those of us in the trailer park just like to thank God for all that we have this time of year.

Jack: We pray on the plane.

Raging Cory [5.12]

Shawn: I can't believe you hit your dad! Now, does he have to leave the house in shame? Do you get his woman?

Jack: [about Shawn's room] So when people throw garbage down the chute, this is where it winds up, huh?

Shawn: Are you calling me a pig?

Jack: A pig would never live in here.

Shawn: Oh, yeah?

[Shawn moves a curtain covering a closet to reveal a big black pig.]

Cory: No, I don't wanna get up. I hit my father. That's gotta be a bad sin. If this were the Bible, I'd be a father-smiter. I'd be Cory, son of Alan the Bruised.

The Eskimo [5.13]

Shawn: I got four can't-miss ways on how to get Superbowl tickets.

Cory: Okay, give me the best one.

Shawn: I go back in time to the first Superbowl when tickets weren't that hard to get.

Cory: Good. Good. Very good. I don't need to hear the other three.

Jack: Hey. I didn't hear you come in last night. Must've had a pretty good time with your date, huh?

Eric: Evening began at seven. Started with some intimate pre-dinner conversation at a quaint little Mexican place I happen to know. Came back here and... let's just say my clothes were off within five minutes. [sips coffee]

Jack: You opened your big mouth, she walked out. You ate alone at Taco Bell, came home, took off all your clothes and were asleep by eight 'o'clock.

Eric: How'd you do?

Jack: Not as good.

Eskimo: I am warm and you are cold.

Heartbreak Cory [5.14]

Lauren: Those slopes are treacherous.

Feeny: He fell getting off the bus.

Lauren: Those buses are treacherous.

Cory: If you could change your mate into one animal, what would it be and why? Please, nothing fuzzy-wuzzy.

Topanga: A falcon.

Cory: Yes, a falcon. The hunter of all that is fuzzy-wuzzy.

Topanga: No, a falcon because I want you to be free to soar majestically as long as I know that you'll always come back to me.

Angela: If I ever get like that, kill me.

Shawn: I would have to.

First Girlfriends Club [5.15]

Cory: I'm a Valentine's Day veteran, Shawn. I march in the parade.

Jack: This whole Valentine's Day thing is one big scam. The greeting card companies, the candy stores, all trying to rip off the innocent consumer.

Eric: No date, huh?

Torn Between Two Lovers (Feeling Like a Fool) [5.16]

Feeny: I need you to proctor.

Eric: Me? Proctor? [dreamily] Proctor Matthews.

Feeny: You know what "proctor" is?

Eric: Yeah, it's a tushy doctor. Oh! Eeeeww, I'm not gonna do that!

Topanga: He lied to me. He lied to me about staying up all night with Lauren. Strike one.

Shawn: All they did was talk!

Topanga: He lied to me about kissing her! Strike two.

Shawn: All they did was talk and kiss!

And Then There Was Shawn [5.17]

Feeny: We'll return to The Young and the Restless right after this word from Feeny. And the word is...Shut up.

Feeny: THAT'S ENOUGH! Now, this class will not be more interested in the romantic goings-on of its students than it is with whatever the hell I'm teaching!

(the lights come up to reveal someone has thrown a pencil through Kenny's head. Kenny drops to the floor, the pencil leaving a line on the wall as he goes down)

Cory: (walks to the pencil line on the wall) We'll always remember he was this tall.

Eric: Oh my Gosh! They killed Kenny!

Eric: Oh my Gosh! They killed Feeny!

Shawn: Alright lets' calmly recap

Eric: (quickly and panicked) Kenny's dead, Feeney's dead, we're trapped inside with the killer!

Angela: Well, is any one of us safe??

Shawn: Yeah, virgins. Virgins never die.

Cory: All right! [to Topanga] Thanks for saving me.

Eric: [proud] I'm dead!

Jack: [resigned] I'm dead.

Shawn: Well, I'll get as sick as you can get without actually dying.

Angela: Feeny...he's dead.

pause

Shawn and Eric: Go Feeny! Go Feeny! I said, go, go, go Feeny!

Jack: (standing over the bodies of Eric and 'Feffy') Eric! Feffy. Eric! Oh, he was my friend! My roommate! I didn't really know her.

Jack: He paid half the rent! Now I can't afford to live in my apartment anymore! Wait...if I can't afford to live in my apartment anymore then I don't want to live!

(Runs to window almost jumping out)

Angela: Wait! Wait! Shawn is still your roommate! Together, you can make the rent.

Feeny: Nebraska, Mr. Hunter. Nebraska!

Shawn: The 75th State! Major Export: Tortillas!

If You Can't Be With the One You Love... [5.18]

Angela: [to Kimberly] You make one move on my best friend's man, and that new nose is gonna look like your old nose.

Shawn: Dad used to drink and then he stopped.

Jack: Do you know why he stopped drinking?

Shawn: Because he ran out of money?

Jack: Do you know why my mom left him?

Shawn: Because she went for a guy with more money?

Eric Hollywood [5.19]

Amy: I cannot believe how deeply you feel up there, Eric. I mean, when you jumped into Ophelia's grave, overcome with emotion, and then wept openly: where did you get your motivation?

Eric: They got it right here in the script. Look at it... "Weeps openly." I mean, they tell you what to do!

Alan: The real tragedy tonight is that William Shakespeare couldn't be here to see how good you are!

Eric: Oh, he'll come tomorrow. I mean, we're here all week.

Alan: Unbelievable.

Schneider: Sometimes I get shy. People who aren't shy make me nervous.

Starry Night [5.20]

Cory: This city is a cultural vacuum, my friend.

Shawn: That's why my people settled here.

Shawn: Cor, what I'm about to tell you is gonna make you wanna kill me.

Cory: I'm not gonna kill you, Shawn. It takes too much time to break in a new best friend.

Honesty Night [5.21]

Feeny: Is that the stupid idea train coming around the bend?

Cory: Okay Shawn, how are you going to save our doomed relationship?

Topanga: It's not doomed, just hopeless.

Prom-ises, Prom-ises [5.22]

Shawn: Tonight we leave as boys and come back men.

Cory: Are we talking about the same thing?

Shawn: [raising an eyebrow seductively] I certainly hope so.

Cory: Okay, so after the prom, romance in the air, you and Angela, you're gonna look in each other's eyes —

Shawn: Me and Angela?

Cory: I need your credit card. Don't ask me why, I just need it!

Eric: Okay, but it might be maxed out. I just bought some gum.

Alan: We're having a baby!

Eric: I'm going to be an uncle?

Things Change [5.23]

Eric: You see, duckies are good, because not only do they give you that non-threatening sense of security, but you can feed them crackers and you can ride 'em. See, duckies are the horsies of the ocean.

Cory: I sort of thought you guys would keep my room the way it is.

Eric: Actually, Cor, for that I think you have to be unexpectedly killed by a truck or something.

Eric: Mr. Feeny, if I'm really quiet, will you stay?

Graduation [5.24]

Cory: Well, Shawn. I think the time has come... to sign each others' yearbooks! Shall we talk about it first?

Shawn: No, no, let's just do it.

[They exchange yearbooks.]

Cory: Boy oh boy. Where to begin, huh? [cuffing Shawn affectionately] What am I gonna say to you? I mean this is gonna take me at least a week.

Shawn: [handing back the book] I'm done.

Cory: You're done? [opens to the page] "Hey"? You write "Hey"?!

Shawn: And I mean it!

Topanga: [referring to an assignment] I'm doing it and I'm getting an A.

Feeny: It's for no credit, Miss Lawrence.

Topanga: I have six hundred and ninety-nine A's. [stands imposingly] I need one more. [grabs his collar] Give me the A, Feeny!

Feeny: [scared] Okay, fine, you get an A. [Topanga lets go] You don't even have to do it, I'll just give you an A because I'm scared of you. Now that makes an even 700.

Topanga: 700. That's more than anybody, right?

Feeny: Oh, more than anybody. [to Cory as he walks by him] Good luck in Hell, Mr. Matthews.