Bones (season 9)

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Bones (2005–2017) is a crime drama television series on the FOX Network, inspired by real-life forensic anthropologist and novelist, Kathy Reichs. Forensic anthropologist Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan specializes in reading clues left behind in a victim's bones. Consequently, law enforcement calls her in to assist with murder investigations when the remains are so badly decomposed, burned, or destroyed that the standard identification methods are useless.

The Secret in the Proposal [9.1]

Booth: I lied to the woman I love.

Aldo: That's not a quick lie from the grain, that's a whopper lie from the heart.

Booth: Right. Which makes it a sin.

Aldo: You want the truth? Go home and tell Temperance the truth.

Booth: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. [does the sign of the Cross] It's been... [downs a shot] Woah, this is definitely not the good stuff, Father.

Aldo: Don't call me "Father", Master Sergeant. I'm not a priest anymore.

Booth: I'm not in the Army anymore, so that makes us even.

Sweets: [to Caroline] Have you noticed that dead bodies always save Booth from confronting his demons?

Booth: Hiya Bones.

Brennan: I called you earlier.

Booth: Yeah, I forgot to charge my phone.

Brennan: Christine wanted to talk to her daddy.

Cam: Okay, I don't usually get involved, Seeley. You got cold feet, I understand but if you don't warm up those feet real fast, you're gonna lose her. Forever.

Booth: Mind your own business, Camille.

Booth: Listen, Bones. About not answering the phone.

Brennan: I know you were lying. And you didn't come home last night.

Booth: I was working. I have my regular hours, plus I'm trying to catch Pelant.

Brennan: Angela agrees. She says you're lying too.

Booth: Well, Angela doesn't know everything. [pauses] I'd die for you. I love you.

Angela: Don't hang up. It's me.

Booth: Why would I hang up on you?

Angela: Because we don't like each other ever since you broke my best friend's heart.

Booth: Let's move on.

Booth: We can talk about Christine.

Brennan: Christine is doing very well. She recognizes all her colors, and I think she's following along when I read to her.

Booth: Or when I read to her too. You're talking as if I'm not even there.

Brennan: It feels like you aren't there. Which I realize it's like an illusion but that's how it feels.

Brennan: The truth is best. You taught me that.

Booth: We're gonna get past this.

Brennan: I don't even know what all of this is!

Booth: Hey, look. I love you. You love me. Everything is gonna be okay.

Brennan: I know you want me to accept what you're saying on faith because you're a man of faith, but I believe in sequences and patterns and this sequence doesn't end well unless something disrupts the pattern.

Booth: Freeze! FBI!

Danny: Ooh, FBI. I'm shaking.

Booth: Stop telling Bones I'm lying to her.

Angela: What's the problem, Booth? What, you need one more fling before settling down?

Booth: I'm not a fling kind of guy. And you know that.

Angela: Maybe Brennan isn't as attractive to you now she's become a mom.

Booth: You're not helping the situation.

Angela: You're ruining her very fragile heart! You should be ashamed of yourself!

Daisy: Would you care to high five?

Brennan: I would not.

Daisy: I can do it myself.

Brennan: How long have you been with Hodgins?

Angela: Working together 10 years. Sleeping together 5 years. Married 3 years.

Angela: Love is not chemistry.

Aldo: Booth loves you.

Brennan: Booth told you that?

Aldo: He confessed it to me. Not being married is a sin to him.` I'm not sure a non-believer can understand that kind of sacrifice.

Brennan: I wanted to marry him.

Aldo: Not as much as he wants to marry you.

Brennan: [concerned] You were shot at!

Booth: I get shot at my whole life.

Brennan: Booth, I have to tell you something.

Booth: Look, alright...look Bones please. You just have to give me a little bit more time that's all, please.

Brennan: I'm not leaving you. [Booth hugs her] I have absolute faith in you. I trust you. I know you love me and Christine and I'm sorry I lost sight of that temporarily. You're a good man. You have your reasons and when you can you'll share them with me. I'm sorry.

Booth: Look, I'm sorry.

Brennan: We'll be fine. But next time it's your turn to ask me to marry you.

Booth: I will, as soon as I can, I will.

Brennan: I know. [They kiss]

The Cheat in the Retreat [9.2]

Booth: It's your lucky day, Bug boy!

Angela: I should probably leave before Booth gets home.

Brennan: Yes, you should.

Angela: Really?

Brennan: Angela, you're being very mean to him. Anger is a reasonable response.

Angela: Why aren't you mad at him? I mean he forces you to propose to him, he accepts then he changes his mind.

Brennan: He has his reasons.

Angela: Yeah? What reasons?

Brennan: I don't know.

Angela: Then why aren't you angry at him?

Brennan: I don't know why Mars lost its magnetic fields. I'm not angry at Mars. (Booth walks in as they're talking)

Angela: That's fine. I'll be angry at both Booth and Mars for you. (She turns around and notices Booth) Ooh.. Awkward. (To Bones) Bye sweetie. (To Booth) Bye.

Booth: Bye. That's the best word I've heard all day.

Booth: Ya know what I'm thinking? (He smirks as she grins)

Brennan: Undercover! Buck and Wanda!

Booth: Not Buck and Wanda. This is a job for Tony and Roxy.

Brennan: Tony and Roxy! Okay! You got it baby.

Booth: How you doin' baby?

Brennan: I have a secret I'll share!

Booth: Thank you.

Brennan: I never told you how much I hate it when you wear that beer hat in the bath. You look foolish, and sometimes it makes me think I married a child!

Booth: You kidding me, right?

Brennan: No, Tony. I ain't!

Booth: We'll talk about the hat after you lose that stupid African fertility statue out of our bedroom. Ya know on top of that why don't we cut off his-

Sweets: Thank you. Dr. Montenegro, where did you get your degree again?

Angela: The same place you got that degree in sarcasm.

El Carnicero en el Coche [9.3]

The Sense in the Sacrifice [9.4]

Caroline Julian: [to the "squints"] Pelant thinks he's smarter than all of us, which might be true but he's not smarter than all of us put together.

[Brennan and Cam show Booth and Flynn the corpse]

Flynn: Wow...that's....wow.

Brennan: [excitedly] This is actually a fascinating exercise. Did you know this is the first time I've burned human bone?

Booth: [unamused] Not the right tone, Bones.

Brennan: Oh. Yeah.

Flynn: I'm not about to argue with a woman who could solve a murder using only a tooth and magnifying glass.

Brennan: I have solved a murder using only a tooth but I use significantly more sophisticated equipment than a magnifying glass...

Flynn: [cuts Brennan off] I'll do exactly what you say.

Brennan: Do you wish you were going with him?

Booth: I wish I killed Pelant three months ago.

Brennan: It'll be better to catch him alive.

Booth: Better for who?

[Booth is sitting next to Brennan, who is tucked in bed]

Booth: I wish the call would come in.

Brennan: We could have sex?

Booth: Huh?

Brennan: Well our bodies need to relieve tension so we can sleep.

Booth: Wow, way to take the romance out of it.

Brennan: Well, I'm just being practical. I just know I sleep best after several orgasms. (She lies down, snuggling into the duvet)

Booth: [mischievously] Well is that some kind of challenge. [Booth leans down kissing her]

Brennan: Maybe. [They kiss some more until both of their phones ring breaking them apart]

Angela: He's telling us that this is our fault.

Brennan: But it's not.

Hodgins: We were trying to piss him off. Well, we succeeded and we got Flynn killed!

Brennan: We did not kill Hayes Flynn, Pelant did. The only we can do is try to catch Pelant using the evidence in front of us.

Angela: What if we don't? What if this just goes on forever??

Cam: [solemnly] It won't. In fact, I almost feel sorry for Pelant.

Hodgins: [in disbelief] What?!

Cam: He killed someone who saved Booth's life.

Brennan: Cam's right. Booth will never give up.

Brennan: The absence of evidence is, in itself, evidence.

[Booth and Brennan share a passionate kiss in front of his office door. Several agents turn and stare at them.]

Brennan: [in a low voice] We agreed to avoid public displays of affection at the FBI.

Booth: To hell with the FBI.

Pelant: [grins at Brennan] I know you. You'll find me. It's in the stars.

Brennan: Do you think he'll kill Pelant the next time he has a chance?

Cam: Usually I'd say no but the way Booth's turning Flynn into a saint, feels like he's working himself up for something. But Booth's a complex man. I'm not sure any of us can tell what he's really thinking deep down.

[Inside Aldo's bar]

Brennan: Booth wants to kill Pelant, which is fine. He's a very bad man, he's murdered...we don't know how many people. What if there's someone worse and we need Pelant to catch that killer?

Aldo: [rolls his eyes] Oh god... [looks at Brennan] It's these ethical dilemmas that drove me out of the priesthood.

Brennan: I need to know what Booth is going to do.

Aldo: So you can protect Pelant.

Brennan: He's more valuable alive than dead, that's all.

Aldo: It depends which Booth is there.

Brennan: [confused] Seeley Booth, the one I love.

Aldo: No, I mean, like all of us, he has two sides to him. There's one side that wants to save the world and one side that wants to take care of the people he loves. Those two collide, well, that's what you called a "tortured soul".

Brennan: There's no such thing as a soul.

Aldo: Says you, but Booth values nothing higher than his soul, yet he's willing to sacrifice his soul by killing Pelant.

Brennan: Why?

Aldo: [smirks] You, of course. It's always gonna come down to you.

Booth: [sarcastically to Sweets] What, you're gonna say that you found something that indicates that Flynn was Freudian delusional with synergistic narcissism disorder, huh?

Booth: [seriously] Look, we gotta make a deal and this deal has got to stick, all right? From now, I will do all the fighting and the shooting and the apprehending of killers, ok? You can do all the smart stuff, right? Stay in the lab, play with your bones...and all that good stuff. You know, I don't come to your lab there and play with your telescopes––

Brennan: I don't have a telescope.... [turns and looks at Booth, concerned] What's wrong?

[...]

Booth: [swallows] Look, the main reason I wanted to kill Pelant is because he kept me from marrying you.

Brennan: I thought it was something like that.

Booth: And if I told you why we couldn't get married he was gonna kill innocent people.

Brennan: You made the right choice. It's alright. [He smiles and takes her hands in his]

Booth: Bones, If I ask you to marry me, will you say yes?

Brennan: If I say yes will we get married?

Booth: Yes. [They smile at each other before kissing]

[Unbeknownst to them, Angela, Hodgins, Cam and Caroline are watching via the security camera and smiling.]

The Lady on the List [9.5]

Booth: That's pretty good, if I was you and I was marrying me I wouldn't wanna put anything on the list either.

The Woman in White [9.6]

[During the wedding rehearsal inside the church]

Hodgins: Angie, it's just a rehearsal. You can't keep crying.

Angela: I can and I will.

[...]

[Sweets and Cam rush in with cardboard cut-outs of Park and Max to stand-in at the altar]

Sweets: Can't forget the best man.

Cam: He'll be dressed on the day.

Booth: [to the vicar] My son is flying in later, so hey.

Brennan: That's my dad.

Brennan: Oh, I'm sorry. Am I allowed to kiss him now?

Vicar: It's really just a rehearsal Dr. Brennan, so..

Brennan: Because we are sleeping together. Sleeping together is a euphemism for sex.

Booth: No. Not here. [turns to the vicar] I'm really sorry, father.

Brennan: You don't have to apologize, Booth. It's not like he's gonna be jealous.

[Vicar's phone rings during the rehearsal]

Vicar: [answers the call] Yes?....I do last rites but I don't do murder. [passes phone to Booth] It's for you...

[...]

[Booth and Brennan drive off to the scene of the crime.]

Hodgins: $25 on the wedding being canceled by lunchtime tomorrow.

Sweets: Yeah, 50 bucks says it's canceled before the sun goes down.

Cam: Worst friends ever.

[Later she does bet on the time]

Booth: [annoyed with Sweets] Go do something else somewhere else.

[Booth is walking to his office and is joined by Sweets]

Sweets: [reading a letter from evidence off his tablet] "I see your hands and my body trembles with memory. Your touch is like coarse silk against my bare skin, pulling me ever closer..."

Booth: [looks around, embarrassed] You can't read that at my wedding! There's gonna be kids there.

Sweets: No no no. It's from Angela.

Booth: Oh. Well, that figures.

Sweets: It's text from the letter found on the victim.

Brennan: I don't have to sleep to be more beautiful.

Hodgins: No. But it does help you to be pleasant.

Booth: London is a long flight, you must be tired.

Parker: I'm fine! I can't wait till Christine wakes up from her nap.

Booth: Yeah, she's sleeping, huh.

Parker: And if you have to go to work?

Booth: No! I don't have to go anywhere. I'm exactly where I want to be. Right here with my son.

Parker: Mom packed my tuxedo. That's what i'm supposed to wear right?

Booth: Yeah! Yeah, we're gonna look like a bunch of waiters out there.

Parker: I'm glad your marrying Bones, ya know? Mom's happy for you too.

Booth: Thanks, I'm happy. I'm happy your here. Alright? So, i have this list of things I need to get done, right?

Parker: Mhm!

Booth: I need you to make sure I don't forget.

Parker: Me?

Booth: Yeah, you. That's what the best man does. I'm asking you to be my best man.

Parker: Really!?

Booth: Alright!

Parker: Thanks dad.

Booth: I love ya. Alright, here's what we gotta get!

Booth: You know, I just thought...look, you know, before I get married you'll be able to give me some advice here.

Aldo Clemens: I'm not a priest anymore, Booth.

Booth: I know, ok, I know that, but the "real ones", they don't know me like you.

Aldo: We could've done this at the bar.

Booth: Come on, Aldo. Will you just cut me some slack here?

Aldo: Ok. I'm jealous. [Booth looks at him] What you and Temperance have, it's the reason we draw breath. You screw this up, Booth, and it'll be worse than any hell God can dream up for you.

Max: I agree.

[Booth turns around and sees Max.]

Max: [to Aldo] I'm Max. I'm Tempe's father. [shakes hands with Aldo] This guy, he thinks I'm still a crook.

Aldo: Aldo. He still thinks I'm a priest.

[...]

Max: [to Booth] I tell you what, I've never seen anything more right. I'd be proud to call you my son. I only wish that Tempe's mother was here to watch her walk down the aisle.

Booth: [nods] Me too.

Hank: I'd like to make a toast before we go.

Booth: No no no Pops. You do that at the rehearsal dinner, ok?

Hank: Just a little one, Shrimp. A private one. I've been waiting for this day ever since I met Tempe.

Max: I'm doing that to him.

Marianne: Then I'm going to sing a song. A little one. Actually, two.

Parker: I'm pretty hungry.

Brennan: We should hurry. We don't want to be late to the dinner...

Booth: Yeah.

Marianne: [jokingly looks at Max and Hank] You know what? We're getting in trouble for loving them.

Hank: Better not to listen. [turns to Booth] You're a lucky man, Shrimp. You found a woman who's willing to stand up to you and call you on your crap.

Booth: My what??

Hank: You can be stubborn and if she's willing to stick around and try to civilize you, then you better listen and make adjustments, 'cause that's love.

[...]

Marianne: Seeley, what you have here is the final piece of the puzzle. It's what's going to make you whole. Tempe is the woman I always wished I could be and the one that every mother prays that her son will find.

Max: [dramatically] Now I'm gonna cry. How can I do a speech if I'm gonna cry.

Hank: You should elope!

Booth: [groans] Ooohhhh.

Parker: What's that?

Hank: It means going to the justice of the peace to get hitched. No fuss, no bother.

Booth: Pops, forget it. I owe Bones fuss.

Marianne: Eloping is romantic.

Parker: [grins] Chicks dig romantic, Dad!

Hank: That's true!

Booth: [horrified] What do you mean chicks?!

[Brennan is in Booth's office]

Booth: Look, I know what this wedding meant to you...and the flowers, and the dress...

Brennan: I don't care about any of that. It's you who I'm worried about.

Booth: Me? [comes around from behind his desk to face Brennan] Why me?

Brennan: The church! I know how important that is to you.

Booth: I didn't ask for that. That was your idea this time around.

Brennan: Because of you!

Booth: Bones! I would wear elephant tusks on my head and have a squirrel monkey do the wedding ceremony if that's what you wanted.

Brennan: You really don't care?

Booth: [shakes head, smiles] No.

Brennan: [smiles] And neither do I. As long as you're there. We've waited long enough.

Brennan: [as Max "hands" her to Booth] This is not one man ceremonially handing over a woman to another man as if she's property, Okay?

Booth: I worked really really hard on my vows, but now that we're here. Look, hey. Do you remember the last time that we were here? We were standing right around in this spot. It was right in the beginning before we really knew each other. I was trying to get away from you because eh... you were irritating me. And you chased me down, and you caught up to me. And you know we had been chasing each other for a long time. And we had been chasing each other through wars and serial killers and ghosts and snakes and.. and chasing you has been the smartest thing I've ever done in my life, and being chased by you, has been my greatest joy. But now... [He places the ring on her finger] We don't have to chase each other anymore. Because... we caught each other.

Aldo: And Temperance, will you be speaking from your heart as well?

Brennan: No, I will be speaking from my mouth.

Brennan: When Hodgins and I were buried alive we each wrote a message to someone we loved in case our bodies were ever found. Hodgins wrote to Angela. [Hodgins and Angela share a smile] And I wrote to you. [She hands her flowers to Angela and takes out a note to read] 'Dear Agent Booth, you are a confusing man, you are irrational, compulsive, superstitious and exasperating. You believe in ghosts and angels, and maybe even Santa Claus. And because of you I've started to see the universe differently. How's it possible to simply look into your fine face gives me so much joy. Why does it make me so happy that every time I try to sneak a peak at you, you're already looking at me. Like you, it makes no sense. And like you, it feels right. If I ever get out of here. I will find a time and place to tell you that you make my life messy and confusing, and unfocused and irrational and wonderful.' This is that time. This is that place. [They stare at each other] Did I do that wrong?

Booth: No.

Brennan: You can kiss me now.

Booth: Aldo didn't say that I can kiss you.

Aldo: As usual, she's right. Go.

Booth: What do you think happens now?

Brennan: Everything that happens next.

The Nazi on the Honeymoon [9.7]

The Dude in the Dam [9.8]

Wendell: [in shock] Oh my god it's moving!

Hodgins: [chuckles] Yeahhhh it means that the larval development is almost complete. When the time comes, it'll detach its anal hooks and slide out to greet the world.

Wendell: Dude, you have totally lost the plot. Angela is going to divorce you.

Hodgins: [grins] Nah, I know my Angie. When she sees this little botfly––

Wendell: [in disbelief] Listen to yourself!!

[...]

Hodgins: Ah, Wendell, um...truthfully, Angie is a little unsupportive of me being a botfly surrogate...

Wendell: [mockingly] What a shock.

Hodgins: I was wondering if you wouldn't mind being with me when the little guy comes out?

Wendell: You want me to be your midwife???

Hodgins: I was thinking, more like birthing partner

Wendell: [speechless] I'm going insane.

Booth: Excuse me, we're not done now.

Creach: [grins] Well now, you wanna take this on? Seriously?

[Booth grins back, amused. Creach tries to brush past Booth but is effortlessly subdued.]

Booth: Oh, ok. Here's the biggest problem with guys that are pumped up on 'roids, huh. They look bigger but they're a lot dumber.

Angela: There's nothing worse than a woman's scorn than one with access to a three-sided hoe.

Brennan: Have either of you read Tess Brown's books?

Cam: No, I've heard she's terrible.

Wendell: Bitch.

[Awkward Silence]

Wendell: That might be a little harsh but why read her when I can read you?

Brennan: Very true.

The Fury in the Jury [9.9]

Booth: I just hate the guy. Really hate him. Murder's bad enough but soccer? [in mock anger] Come on, that's anti-American!

Hodgins: Can you blink once for guilty?

Brennan: [grins] Beaten, shot and possibly drowned. This is very interesting.

Cam: You've clearly been bored.

Cam: There's nothing like digging my hands in decomposing flesh to get my mind off my troubles.

Sweets: Trial's over.

Booth: That's good.

Sweets: Yeah. Apparently one of the jurors argued with the defense attorney during a summation?

Booth: [grins sheepishly] I'm sure it wasn't Bones.

Angela: [discussing the Kidman trial with Cam] Justice is so...

Cam: ...unjust.

Booth: [on the phone with Brennan] We miss you, Bones, ok, this is the longest we've been apart in a long time.

Brennan: I know. Our honeymoon was far more enjoyable than jury duty.

Brennan: I never asked you, have you ever served on a jury before?

Booth: Oh...uh...no I have not.

Brennan: Why not?

Booth: Why? Because, you know, when I tell the defense that I'm FBI, they...they reject me.

Brennan: Well, why wasn't I rejected? I work for the FBI.

The Mystery in the Meat [9.10]

Brennan: The diner must've employed a more accomplished chef while we were on our honeymoon.

Booth: [looks at her, shakes head] No, Bones. There's no new chef. It's the same chili as always.

Brennan: I don't understand. You said...

Booth: We're married, Bones. The sun is brighter, the air is [sniffs] crisper, the food tastes better than ever.

Brennan: Air quality and the sun's thermonuclear core have nothing to do––

Booth: Love, Bones, love. It changes everything. [Brennan looks at him blankly] I mean, don't you feel different now that you're married?

Brennan: My left hand does. [looks at her wedding band] I'm very aware of the ring but....I'll adapt.

Booth: [mildly sarcastic] Thanks, very big of you.

Brennan: It's nothing, really, because...I love you. [smiles]

Booth: Right, good answer. [cellphone rings, answers phone] Booth......you found the body in what––?!?!? [gags and spits his stew out]

Brennan: Everything all right?

Booth: I lost my appetite.

Caroline Julian: My boss doesn't like this one. Federal programs paying for cannibalism isn't sitting pretty on Capitol Hill.

Booth: What kind of sick mind serves a person to kids?

Caroline: [deadpan] Maybe one of 'em wasn't ready for a pop quiz.

[Daisy and Oliver Wells are on the platform sifting the beef stew when Cam walks in]

Oliver: [grumpily] Revolting.

Daisy: [cheerily] All part of the job. [grins at Cam] It doesn't faze me in the least.

Oliver: [to Cam] Have you had this one tested for mental illness?

Daisy: [cuts in] Yes, and I passed.

Oliver: [to Daisy, sarcastically] I find it very hard to believe.

[In Booth's car en route to the crime scene]

Booth: Bachelorette party, seriously?

Brennan: Yes, I told her it was a little late for that. Then she asked me if she was still in my top 10 people.

Booth: Oh boy.

Brennan: Which she is, even though you don't like her any....

Booth: [uncomfortably] Ah, geez

Brennan: [looks at him] Why do you keep uttering non-specific and meaningless exclamations?

Booth: You're saying no to Angela because of me?

Brennan: Well, I know how you feel and I didn't want to make you feel even more uncomfortable because––

Booth: Look, Bones, Angela is your best friend and obviously I can't come between you two.

Brennan: Well, if I have to choose––

Booth: You don't have to choose. You can have both. You should have both. Look, you know, let her throw you a bachelorette party 'cause that's what a best friend does. You can't deny her that.

Brennan: You sure?

Booth: Yes. I'm positive.

Brennan: [smiles] Sounds like fun. [pauses] Angela said there would be excessive alcohol consumption and flirting.

Booth: Oh, wow. [at a loss for words]

Brennan: More exclamations.

Booth: Let's just, you know, focus on our work for a while, ok?

Brennan: [perplexed by Booth's reaction] Sure.

[Booth is helping a drunk Brennan into the house and onto the couch]

Brennan: Although I did not start the fight, I felt obligated to finish it. You would've been very proud...

Booth: [grins] Ok, come on...let's just try to get inside, all right? Just sit down. [helps Brennan through the living room and sits her down on an ottoman] You know how many favors I had to call in so you guys wouldn't get arrested?

[...]

Booth: Did you have fun, or was it all about the fighting?

Brennan: [still drunk] We danced on the bar.

Booth: Wow.

Brennan: Does that sound like fun?

Booth: Sounds like a blast.

Brennan: I told Angela it was your idea that I should go. [Booth raises his eyebrows] She feels bad that she hated you and I told her that you're the best person ever [grabs Booth's jaw and grins at him] even though that can't be confirmed empirically but I don't give a crap. Then I told her some of the things that we did in the bathtub last week.

Booth: No no no no. You didn't say about the bathtub did you?!

Brennan: You wanna do some of that right now?

Booth: If we did that you would drown. Let's just get some sleep, ok?

Booth: You recognize this?

Suspect: It's a marinade injector.

Booth: Why do you recognize it?

Suspect: I designed it. With Howard. Is this what killed him?

Booth: The question is, did you use this to kill Howard?

Suspect: No.

Booth: You disliked him.

Suspect: I dislike almost everyone. I dislike you and I don't even know you.

Oliver: [about Brennan] She is no fun at all, is she?

Daisy: You've never seen Dr. Brennan dressed as a cowgirl drinking flaming sambucas fighting biker chicks.

The Spark in the Park [9.11]

Brennan: Did you see the person who stole your identity?

Cam: [uncomfortably] Yes, and I struck her.

Hodgins: [smirks] Awesome.

Cam: Oh you have no idea. [Brennan look at her in amusement]

Arastoo: [amazed] What are the chances of lightning hitting a corpse?

Cam: Don't ask that question in front of Dr. Brennan. She'll force you to find the answer.

Cam: I'm more of a "wrath and vengeance" type.

Arastoo: [to Cam] I was persecuted in Iran. I lost my home, my cousin was killed, so I have an idea of what it means to want vengeance. And I held onto that anger. I became that anger until that's all I was, until I decided to let it go and realize that sometimes the world is an unjust place that we have to accept. If I didn't decide to forgive I wouldn't have the life I have now. I want to be able to have you.

Sweets: I think I found the victim's drug connection.

Booth: What? How?

Sweets: I trolled her online school chat rooms.

Booth: You spied on kids.

Sweets: I could call it "surveillance" if it makes you feel better.

The Ghost in the Killer [9.12]

Sweets: Aw man....yacht clubs, sailing, prep schools. You're dealing very well with the loss of your fortune.

Hodgins: Truthfully, I thought it would be harder. But, I don't know. When I'm at work, I'm not thinking about money, you know? When I'm with Angela and Michael Vincent, it never crosses my mind. I mean, even with you, the coffee's good, the company....

Sweets: I'm impressed.

Hodgins: As long as a person has enough, they don't need more. And I've got more than enough.

Brennan: So you don't believe me either?

Clark: It's not about belief, it's about the evidence. You taught me that.

Angela: [looks at Hodgins lovingly] You really are a wonderful guy, even if you did sleep with a binky.

Big in the Philippines [9.13]

Booth: The First Lady handpicked this location to kick off her urban green thumb campaign.

Brennan: And now she's handpicked you to investigate a death on the property.

Booth: No, no, no. She handpicked the FBI, and then they picked me.

Brennan: So the First Lady secondhand-handpicked you.

Booth: Yeah...I guess so.

Angela: [notices Wendell's cast] Wendell, what happened to you?

Wendell: Oh, um, hockey game. I got checked.

Angela: What is it with men that they're willing to die for a ball?

Wendell: It's a puck.

Angela: Yeah, I mean, it's still round.

[Cam is sifting through a bucket of the victim's remains. Hodgins, Brennan, Wendell and Angela are examining evidence and bones.]

Cam: I don't think we need bones to let us know that the victim was a male.

Brennan: We have no other way, Dr. Saroyan. [points to her bucket of evidence and fishes out some remains with tongs]

Hodgins: I think we do.

Angela: [disgusted] That mangled piece of meat is his...

Cam: Yeah.

Wendell: Breaking my arm seems like nothing now.

Harriet: Nowadays you gotta stick your tongue out or point a phone finger at your hoo-ha to get someone to even notice.

Brennan: I thought your belief in God gave you the sense that the universe had some kind of loving plan.

Booth: Well, God tests us to see what we're made of so we can appreciate what we have.

Cara: This room looks like the place they bring people they think are guilty.

Booth: Right...why didn't you say that you were on a date with Colin Haynes on the night that he was murdered?

Cara: I go on lots of dates.

Booth: [sarcastically] You threw a drink in his face. How often does that happen?

Booth: Sometimes you just have to dance to the music that's given to you.

Wendell: I was leaving and I came here to say goodbye but, uh....I had to fight. I'm not going down. Maybe I want to be remembered in the right way...by the people that I care about. Maybe I want to be remembered as someone who fought back.

Booth: Sometimes you just have to dance to the music that is playing.

The Master in the Slop [9.14]

Brennan: I am outstanding and without peer in my field. I assume that is why your government wanted you to observe me.

[Dr. Filmore jots something down on a notebook]

Brennan: What are you writing now?

Filmore: Oh, just an observation that Americans are hubristic and Canadians must deal with this challenge in future cooperative interest.

Brennan: Facts are not hubris, Dr. Filmore.

Filmore: You know, in Canada, we have a saying: Wait your turn. If you are truly deserving, that honor will eventually come to you.

Brennan: That's why I don't live in Canada.

Brennan: Booth, do you think I'm being small-minded about Cam getting the award and not me?

Booth: [sighs] Huh. Yes.

Brennan: What?

Booth: You might want another answer but I can't give that to you.

Brennan: But I'm clearly the best scientist.

Booth: And are you the worst scientist because Cam's getting the award?

Brennan: Of course not.

Booth: See? Yeah, you're just being petty because you want to win.

Brennan: [protests] I thought you would take my side.

Booth: I am on your side, ok? I'm on your better side. [smirks] [Brennan frowns and breaks into a smile at Booth's smile.] Much better side.

Brennan: There's a strong connection between chess and the logic and thought needed to plan and execute a murder.

Sweets: Like a lot of brilliant people, Magnuson had a huge ego. Left little room for others.

Booth: Yeah, murder...such an inconvenience, right?

Brennan: Booth is right. It is like the queen sacrifice Marshall used against Levitsky in 1912.

Booth: What???

Sweets: He wouldn't see that coming. [looks at Brennan] How'd you know about that?

Brennan: I play too, not like you, of course. I've been trying to teach Booth but he keeps referring to the knights as "horsies". [Booth covers his face with his palm in frustration]

Booth: That's great, can we just move this along. Ok, chess is a one-on-one game, but in a real war, you need a platoon and that's what we are right now, ok? So let's move out!

Brennan: We have a duty to show the scientific community that the Jeffersonian is an institution where pulchritude is as abundant as brilliance.

The Heiress in the Hill [9.15]

Brennan: [to Booth] We're married now. Sharing everything is part of that, isn't it?

Angela: So I was online looking at dream houses, which got me thinking about adding an extra room...

Hodgins: ...and you want a studio––

Angela: Which could double as a bug room

Hodgins: Oh...phft. Listen, I promise I will do it. As soon as I find a suitable bank to rob.

Angela: You know, we'd make a pretty good team. You could drive the getaway car.

Fisher: I was watching the news and wondering if it even worth getting dressed.

Hodgins: [smirks] Oh we've missed you, Fisher.

Booth: Look, if you can't bury a body deep enough you cover it in lye so the animals don't dig it up. It's classic Al Capone.

Sweets: You think it was a mob hit?

Booth: Oh... [rubs face tiredly] What, a girl in her twenties?

Sweets: It's sexist! Nowadays a girl in her twenties could be as much a mobster as a guy.

Booth: [deadpan] Wonderful in how far we've come.

Booth: Take the files. Go shrink them. Shrink it down.

Sweets: I don't "shrink" files. I read them.

Booth: Just shrink it down.

Fisher: [to Hodgins] Sometimes the looney bin is the right place to be, and I was grateful for it. [...] Sometimes people look at you in there like you’d done something wrong rather than just having a disease.

Fisher: [realizing he overlooked a discrepancy] Well, I feel inadequate.

Brennan: You work with me, Mr. Fisher. I'd have thought you'd be used to that by now.

Booth: All I'm saying is, this is your money from your hard work. Not mine.

Brennan: Men are so foolish when it comes to money. It's why we have so many wars. You like your loot covered in blood and sweat. It's the only way you can do it.

Booth: [sarcastically] Ok, great, so I'm Attilla the Hun now?

The Source in the Sludge [9.16]

Man 1: [notices a bag floating in the lake] What is that?

Man 2: That is probably a bag of morality.

Brennan: That's your third cup of coffee.

Booth: I like the coffee here.

Brennan: One more reason why you're more likely to die before I do.

Booth: I'm trained in the "danger business". You're...you're top dog. [makes dog purring sounds] In the lab.

Brennan: I'm licensed to carry a weapon. I know martial arts.

Booth: [deadpan] You shot me once.

Brennan: A ricochet! That doesn't count.

Daisy: [while examining the corpse] Who would throw lampreys in with a body? [Brennan and Cam look at her] I'm not supposed to know that, am I?

[Cam and Hodgins are observing the lampreys in a tank]

Hodgins: These guys haven't evolved in 360 million years.

Cam: Sounds like they could run for Congress.

Hodgins: Look at them. They're doing what they do best, relaxing and watching life go by.

Angela: [to Hodgins] Not many people can deal with what you have. And then there are these 360 million-year-old creatures who have stayed the course. Just like you. No matter what evolution threw at them. Just makes sense that you'd take a shine to them.

Booth: Let's go get Aziz.

Brennan: I'm coming with you.

Beck: [looks at Booth] Ah...I don't think that's a good idea.

Brennan: [to Beck] I'm Booth's partner and I wasn't talking to you.

Booth: [to Brennan] I think maybe you should stay back. It could be a little dangerous.

Brennan: Two well-trained people questioning one man? Am I the only one who isn't afraid?

Sari: [video recording] Ignorance is no match for a curious mind and hatred and oppression are no match for the human heart. Compassion and love will guide us and freedom will be our reward.

Brennan: The universe demonstrates that no matter how we protect ourselves we'll never be completely safe. But, with reasonable caution, we can still be together in the field when appropriate.

The Repo Man in the Septic Tank [9.17]

Booth: Look, all I'm saying is that church could be good for Christine.

Brennan: Will she learn about the Crusades and the Inquisition?

Booth: [in disbelief] Seriously?!

Brennan: Why don't you just read her a Superman comic? It's also a fantasy about a mythic hero whose powers defy the laws of physics and common sense.

Booth: Ok, you're saying that Jesus and Superman are the same?

Brennan: Jesus walks on water, Superman flies. No difference.

Hodgins: You really met Fidel?

Rodolfo Fuentes: Yes! I asked him if Socialism is so wonderful, why is Cuba's newest car a 1955 Buick?

Suspect: [to Sweets during an interrogation] You know what? I didn't like you the minute I saw you and you're just getting uglier by the minute!

Brennan: [sees Dr. Fuentes' crucifix pendant] Coming from a land of atheists, I wouldn't expect you to be a religious man, Dr. Fuentes.

Fuentes: I am an atheist. This was my father's. His religion was taken from him and his parents. Driven underground. It was very painful to them.

Brennan: But if you don't believe...

Fuentes: I believe in the right to believe. That's what this [points to pendant] means. Eventually we'll make our own choices but we can't make good decisions unless we're exposed to everything. Can we?

Brennan: You know I would never sleep with him.

Booth: Well, you know what? You did tell me once that you thought that monogamy was unnatural.

Brennan: Yes, that's true. Before I realized that we were symbiotic. Like a clown fish and a sea anemone.

Booth: [dismayed] What? What are you talking about, Nemo? That doesn't sound very romantic.

Brennan: I disagree. You and I, we're bound to one another. So much so that I don't feel that I could survive without you. You nurture me. You protect me. You are my home. If I were to damage that by a meaningless dalliance, it would be like killing myself. Something that I would never do.

Booth: That sounded a little better.

Brennan: I would never let anything compromise the life we share, Booth. I love you.

Booth: Okay, now that's romantic. I love you too.

The Carrot in the Kudzu [9.18]

[Hodgins, Cam and Clark are examining a body covered in kudzu. The kudzu begins to grow, scaring Cam.]

Cam: What was that?

Hodgins: [grins] It's still growing. It's feeding off the remaining tissue.

Cam: I've seen this movie. It doesn't end well for humanity.

Booth: When you're a little girl you should be treated like a princess, not some criminal on the run.

Sweets: Max was a criminal on the run. So Dr. Brennan's probably sublimated those feelings as a way to cope.

Booth: And now she's probably trying to justify it all by saying that a kid's birthday party isn't important. But it is!

Sweets: I would imagine so. I've...never...been thrown a party either. So... [looks away awkwardly]

Booth: You too?

Sweets: No.

Booth: [shakes head in disbelief] Wow. My dad was a drunk and he threw me a birthday party every year. The only time I ever saw him really sober.

Sweets: [sympathetically] It's probably why birthdays are so meaningful to you.

Brennan: Scientists require facts, not flights of fancy.

Brennan: I was thinking, Booth...since we'll be in the park, we could play tag

Booth: [looks at Brennan] Sure! Tag is fun. See, you know how to have fun! [Brennan smiles] You're not gonna catch me, though.

Brennan: I wouldn't be so sure. I am quite good at tag.

Booth: Come on. I used to be a Ranger, ok? You're never gonna catch me.

Brennan: We'll see.

The Turn in the Urn [9.19]

The High in the Low [9.20]

Brennan: You're very set in your ways.

Booth: I'm not set in my ways. Never had been, never will be.

[Booth gets a call about a body.]

Brennan: Ok, I'll drive.

Booth: [stunned] I always drive.

Brennan: I know, but since you're not set in your ways, it'll be a nice change. [leaves]

Booth: [whines to himself] What'd you mean "nice change"?!! I always drive the car.

Booth: Look, what's the big deal? I know you helped put the mental part of the test together.

Sweets: Right, but that doesn't mean I can give you the answers, Booth.

Booth: I'm not looking for the answers, ok? I'm just....trying to see what kind of questions are gonna be on the test.

Sweets: The test is the day after tomorrow. Don't you feel ready?

Booth: [grins] Come on, I was born ready.

Cam: [marvels at Angela's new holographic projector] I feel like I should be wearing silly glasses eating popcorn.

The Cold in the Case [9.21]

Brennan: [explaining cryonics to Booth] It's a low temperature preservation of humans with a hope that resuscitation may be possible in the future.

Booth: It's nuts, ok? When you die, it's ashes to ashes, not ashes to ice.

Brennan: We all search for immortality in our own way. It's what binds tribes and religions.

Booth: Just please tell me that...you're not gonna want me...to...freeze you.

Brennan: No. But one day you might be able to download my accumulated consciousness onto a memory chip.

Booth: [uncomfortable] Listen, let's just, you know...keep each other in here. [points to chest (heart)] That's worked just fine for a long time.

Booth: [to the boss of the cryonics facility] Wait a second, who licensed you guys? Frankenstein?

Angela: They're dead when they're frozen, aren't they?

Hodgins: Yes, but they keep oxygen circulating while putting in the cryoprotectants to save the cellular integrity of the remains.

Cam: And they use propofol to keep the remains from animating during the process.

Angela: [shocked] Animating? You mean like, the "walking dead"?

Hodgins: [grins excitedly] Yeah, it's actually––

Angela: [cuts Hodgins off] If you say "cool", you won't have sex for, like, a year.

Hodgins: Revolting.

Sweets: [smirks] You're missing a good old-fashioned murder, aren't ya?

Booth: [amused] Oh come on, aren't you? We're all sitting around here hoping that someone recorded a confession in some frozen lady's head.

Booth: From a military angle, they're having me review all these shootings, they're looking at my skill sets.

Brennan: Your gut is telling you some things.

Booth: Yeah. The base over there, it's a staging ground for counter-terrorism activity and covert operations.

Brennan: You think they might be asking you to be a sniper again?

Booth: I won't do it. I have a new life, I've a family. They can't make me do that again.

Brennan: You don't have to do anything you don't want to, Booth.

The Nail in the Coffin [9.22]

Booth: Take the files. [hands Sweets a box of suspects' files] Go shrink 'em. Shrink it down.

Sweets: You don't shrink files. You read them.

Hodgins: The truth is, the family was always strange, you know? They were living under a cloud.

Cam: A very wealthy cloud.

Hodgins: Yeah, tons of money and all that's left is murder, sadness and secrets. I'm telling you, I'm doing a hell of a lot better broke.

Brennan: You know, I wrote seven pages on your problem-solving skills

Booth: Wow

Brennan: Which I said were excellent.

Booth: [smirks] Thanks, Bones.

Brennan: Although, I admitted to being skeptical about your reliance on your gut, but I explained it by referencing studies showing that gut instincts are merely highly developed observational powers so it's probably your eyes more than your gut.

Booth: [smiles] You know, you're amazing. You know that?

Brennan: Yeah. However, I'm not sure what exemplary quality you're referencing. My intellect, or...

Booth: Your support. Your...thanks. Thanks.

Brennan: [seriously] How could I not support you? You believed in me even when there's no tangible evidence the "Ghost Killer" existed

Booth: [smugly] Guess it was my gut.

Clark: Dr. Brennan, I just had to say how much I appreciate how accepting you've been about me working with you on this case.

Brennan: [astonished] Yes....that is...rare for me...isn't it?

Clark: [smirks] Yes it is. And I know Pelant told you you'd never be able to catch this "Ghost Killer" without his expertise but I'm determined to prove him wrong.

Sweets: I've been through almost a thousand pages Kessler compiled on the murder case, as well as McNamara's business dealings. Kessler suffers from post-traumatic embitterment disorder, dysthymia as well as a cold morbidity....

Deputy Director Stark: Ok, ok, the guy's a sick bastard, I get it.

Brennan: There was one question asking if we had a relationship outside of work, so...

Booth: You should probably just skip that one.

Brennan: Oh, um, I wrote all this. [hands Booth a file with some papers in it]

Booth: You wrote all this? [looks at file] Woah! About our sex life?

Brennan: Well...are you suggesting it isn't interesting?

Booth: [denies] No, no!

Brennan: They told me to be thorough. I also put that you never throw your socks into the hamper.

Booth: [reads file] "In case the floor is cold." [looks away awkwardly] I put the socks on so my feet stay warm. But they don't care about that!

The Drama in the Queen [9.23]

Girl: [grumbles] It's not fair. I don't want to.

Mom: Lani, you're old enough to know that life isn't fair.

Girl: I'm six.

Mom: That's right! You're my big, pretty girl. And Mommy needs your help. Don't you love Mommy?

[Girl shakes her head furiously]

Cam: So how do you even know this is a murder? The deceased could've been sitting on the edge, fallen in after drinking too much

Sweets: Well, there're drag marks that go all the way from the trail, all the way over to the well here. If you look at the grate, it shows signs of stress as if someone stomped it in. It was a body dump, Dr. Saroyan.

Cam: Ok. I'm impressed.

Hodgins: Wow, did he just "Brennan" you?

Cam: I believe he did.

Brennan: What does it mean to "Brennan" someone? Is that a compliment? Dr. Sweets seems to be very thorough.

Sweets: [smirks] Thank you.

Angela: [to intern Jessica Warren to stop irritating Sweets] I wouldn't try to shrink the shrink.

Jessica Warren: Everyone here is so smart. I don't understand why there's not more appreciation for scientific imagination.

Hodgins: Science fiction? Try the H. G. Wells exhibit on the fourth floor.

Jessica: Every new discovery started with a dream, dude.

Brennan: You sure you should be in the field, Booth?

Booth: You know, I can't not look at another operational manual or disciplinary report without shooting it.

Drag queen: G-Man, I could make you look fabulous.

[...]

Booth: I think you look very pretty in your dress but I prefer pants.

Brennan: [to Jessica] I'm constantly marveling at myself. You should try it.

The Recluse in the Recliner [9.24]

Hodgins: [about the exploded corpse] I mean, I gotta say, that is not a good way to loose weight.

Booth: All right, ok, save it for "squint night" at The Improv, ok, Bug Boy?

[Fisher and Hodgins are on the platform examining the corpse]

Fisher: Just can't believe that this much ugliness exists in the world.

Hodgins: [sarcastically] You're just realizing that now?

Fisher: No I always expect the worst but my new therapist, she showed me how wonderful life could be. [looks at corpse] Which makes this even more horrible.

Booth: The military told me that you can't make the right decision without seeing the situation up close.