Angel (season 2)

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Angel (1999–2004) was an American TV show, created by Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt and airing on The WB, about the ongoing trials of Angel, a vampire whose human soul was restored to him by gypsies as a punishment for the murder of one of their own. After more than a century of murder and the torture of innocents, Angel's restored soul torments him with guilt and remorse. It was a spinoff of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Judgment

Lilah: [on phone] If you don't sign, we'll sue your ass off and kill your children. Just kidding, Donald. Nobody wants a lawsuit.

Darla: Hm. He's here.

Lilah: Chopin?

Lindsey: Angel. He's here in town. You can feel him.

Darla: Always could.

Lindsey: He hasn't been much of a help to us.

Darla: He killed me. [Laughs] I remember now...with a soul in his heart.

Lindsey: He's taken from both of us so when you feel ready we'll start thinking about giving a little back.

Darla: Angel. It's been a long time. I'd love to see that boy.

Cordelia: Maybe it's time to visit your stoolie. Make with the chin music until he canaries. I've been watching a little noir festival on Bravo.

Gunn: I saw you in bed.

Cordelia: What?

Wesley: I can see that this is none of my business.

Gunn: You too.

Wesley: Now wait just a moment.

Gunn: At the hospital. After Angel's building blew, he sent me there to keep an eye on you.

Lorne: My question first, and tell the truth because you know I'll know: Why "Mandy?"

Angel: Well, I-I know the words ... And, I kinda think it's pretty.

Jo: I really appreciate you coming through for us like this. But you know how you're not really good at anything? Sure you can do this?

Angel: I grew up around horses.

Jo: How long has it been since you've ridden one?

Angel: It's been a while. But don't worry, it's not something you forget. I can do this. [to the horse] Nice horse. Try not to make me look stupid out there, okay?

Angel: Hey.

Faith: Hey.

Angel: How you doing?

Faith: Pretty good, I guess. I did sign up for this.

Angel: Regretting the choice?

Faith: Bad day. A woman of the girls in the I tried to build her rep by throwing down with me. She had low self-esteem and a homemade knife, so...

Angel: Oh. Is she, you know... alive?

Faith: She lives to tell the tale. I took the knife away. And I can't say much for the wrist. She came in.

Angel: So, you didn't kill her?

Faith: I really wanted to. Took a beating from the guards, too.

Angel: I'm sorry.

Faith: I've earned worse. Guys like us kinda got it coming.

Angel: I had to sing Barry Manilow.

Faith: You're kidding. (chuckles)

Angel: In front of people.

Faith: (chuckles) And here I am talking about my petty little problems.

Angel: Just wanted to give you a little perspective.

Faith: "Copacabana"?

Angel: "Mandy". I don't want to dwell on it.

Faith: The road to redemption is a rocky path.

Angel: That it is. (chuckles)

Faith: You think we might make it?

Angel: We might. Food getting any better?

Faith: You're not so that different from what I grew up on. It's a little one-note, eating the same thing every day.

Angel: I wonder what that's like.

Faith: Right.

Are You Now or Have You Ever Been

Cordelia: [emerges from her kitchen, serving drinks to Angel and Wesley in her living room] English breakfast tea, coffee, [sets a tall glass on the table for Angel] ... O-pos.

Cordelia: Something the matter?

Angel: [looking at the dark liquid in his glass] I, um, I think it's gone bad. It's starting to coagulate.

Cordelia: Huh? No - that's cinnamon. [off Angel's look] What, I can't try something?

Bellhop: You ever look into his eyes? There's nothing there.

Wesley: I can sense it. There is a pattern here... Some force was residing at the Hyperion over the last decades, affecting staff and residents. I just fear there is no real way to...

Cordelia: A Thesulac paranoia demon. Whispers to its victims, feeds on their innate insecurities.

[Wesley stares]

Cordelia [holding out phone]: Angel wants to talk to you.

[Wesley holds out a hand to where Gunn is fiddling with a backpack and snaps his fingers.]

Wesley: Orb of Ramjerin.

Gunn: "Orb of Ramjerin, please" makes it happen.

Wesley: Please! And do be careful. Ancient conjuring orbs are notoriously fragile.

[Gunn tosses the orb to Wesley and Wesley has to drop the book and crouch down to catch it.]

Wesley: Angel!

Angel: Guys, don't listen to it, alright? What ever it's whispering to you, just ignore it.

Cordelia: They were like this all the way over here in the car.

Angel: Oh.

Wesley: I've been accused of a great many things in my time but paranoid has never been one of them. Unless people have been saying it behind my back.

Wesley: Angel, you don't think I'm especially paranoid do you?

Angel: Not especially.

Wesley: Good. I was worried.

First Impressions

Angel: I still can't believe you're here. I mean...I killed you.

Darla: I'm over that. You haven't told anyone else about these dates of ours, have you?

Angel: No. I want you all for myself.

Darla: I know how you feel.

Angel: It's so strange.

Darla: But good.

Angel: But good.

[They kiss as the song ends.]

Lorne: Somebody get these two love-vamps a room!

[Cordelia and Wesley try to clean up the long-deserted Hyperion Hotel.]

Cordelia: Oh, this place is never gonna get clean.

Wesley: Buck up. It's just a little dust.

Cordelia: Oh, this isn't mere dust. This is "Son of Dust". This is the kind of dust that spawns countless generations of little baby dust. I give up.

Wesley: I suppose will just have to move our offices back into your apartment, then.

Cordelia: And, I'm dusting.

[She takes a piece of ice out of her drink and draws a line with it down the middle of Angel's chest. He starts to laugh.]

Angel: Why are you so good to me - after everything I did?

Darla: Because - you and I are one.

[She draws the ice cube across Angel's lips. The phone stops ringing]

Darla: See? I told you it would stop.

[She leans down and they kiss.]

[Angel comes up behind Darla and wraps his arms around her.]

Angel: What are you thinking about?

[We hear a soft knocking in the background.]

Darla: You. Us.

Angel: You seem sad.

Darla: It's just...I have to go.

Angel: Where?

Darla: Away.

Angel: I'll go with you.

Darla: You can't. I'm in danger.

Angel: I'll protect you.

[She turns around in his arms as the knocking becomes the sound of hammering.]

Darla: You're too busy protecting everyone else.

[They almost kiss, but the hammering gets louder and they look over to see Wesley putting a nail into an upright coffin.]

[Angel is strangling Wesley.]

Wesley: Angel, it’s me!

Angel: What are you doing here?

Wesley: Gunn’s in trouble. Can’t breathe!

Angel: Gunn can’t breathe?

Wesley: I can’t breathe!

Angel: Oh, sorry. [He releases Wesley.]

[...]

Wesley: Now, about the naked thing.

Angel: I’ll get dressed.

Wesley: Much appreciated.

Gunn: I’ll say please.

Cordelia: Oh I forgot, you’ll use your famous charm like you did this afternoon with that pigeon stool.

Gunn: It’s stool pigeon.

Angel: Well, it – it’s, you know. The whole visibility issue, not to mention the hat head thing. You know, when you really think about it, how come I have to wear the ladies’ helmet?

Wesley: Stop being such a wanker and put it on.

[Angel walks into the hotel lobby looking beat.]

Darla: Honey, you're home.

Angel: Hi.

Darla: You look beat. What's wrong?

Angel: Nothing.

Darla: Save any lives today?

Angel: A few. Yeah.

Darla: Did any of your friends say thank you?

Angel: Not exactly.

Darla: Hmm, typical. You know, next time you see them I'm really going to say something to them.

Angel: It's okay.

Darla: No. It isn't. [Puts her hands on his arms] You give and you give and you give.

Angel: I'm used to it.

Darla: Always the protector, never the protected.

Angel: I have so many things to make up for.

Darla: And you have. You take care of so many people. But who takes care of you?

Angel: You do.

Darla: That's right. I do. Come on. Lean back. Now, you just relax and let Darla take care of you.

Darla: How's that?

Angel: Good.

Darla: I'm just getting started, baby. [She starts kissing her way down his bare chest.] I know how to please you. All you have to do is let me.

[Darla kisses his chest, his neck, his mouth, mirroring the dream action in real life without Angel showing any sign of waking. Darla looks down at his sleeping face.]

Darla: Mmm, I could just eat you up.

[Darla leans down and kisses the side of his neck.]

Untouched

[In Lindsey's dark office at Wolfram & Hart, Lilah starts looking through the papers on his desk.]

Darla: Exciting, isn't it?

[Lilah jumps and drops the papers she was holding.]

Lilah: Darla. I didn't see you.

Darla: Going through their things, all the little pieces of themselves locked away, given you a naughty little thrill of control.

Lilah: I just like to keep abreast of his latest project. He's probably in my office right now trying to find out about mine. That's just how it works at our firm.

[Darla sits on the edge of Lindsey's desk and pours some dark blue powder into the palm of her left hand.]

Darla: Hmm, all you busy little worker bees, plotting your little schemes.

Lilah: Calynthia powder? Is that how you keep Angel sleeping when he's with you?

Darla: There is nothing so lovely as dreams. Everything is in them, everything hidden. Open those chambers and you can truly understand someone and control them.

Lilah: And what's hidden in Angel's secret chambers?

Darla: Horrors.

Wesley: That's so typical of your kind.

Cordelia: Well at least I'm not a sheep like you.

Wesley: I am not a sheep!

Cordelia: You are such a sheep! You've never had a single opinion you didn't read in a book.

Wesley: At least I've opened a book.

Cordelia: Oh don't even try with the snooty, Wooly Boy. I was top 10 percent of my class!

Wesley: What class? Advanced bosoms?

[Cordelia gasps.]

Angel: Hey! What the hell's going on here?

Cordelia: We were just discussing whether or not we should offer to pay Gunn.

[Silence. Angel stares at them both.]

Angel: No you weren't.

Wesley: Well, our discussions tend to go about three minutes. Then it's strictly name-calling and hair-pulling.

[...]

Cordelia: He's been doing for us. He should pull in a check.

Angel: I'll think about asking him, all right?

Cordelia: No think, pay. That's an order.

Angel: Hey! How about we pretend that you work for me.

Cordelia: You are really unpleasant-

Angel: Then why don't we pretend that you don't.

Cordelia: You can't fire me. I'm vision girl. [Sticks her tongue out.]

[Pause.]

Angel: All right, I'll think about asking him, okay? Maybe. On a case by case.

Cordelia: My hero.

Wesley: I was going to suggest that.

Cordelia: Mm-hm.

Cordelia: I can't get this bandage to - stop moving!

Angel: I'm not.

Cordelia: Well, then stop breathing.

Angel: I don't breathe.

Cordelia: Then stop flexing your manly boob-muscles or whatever.

Wesley: That's an ugly looking wound.

Angel: It doesn't feel pretty either.

Wesley: We should definitely approach this girl with caution - I guess you already figured that out.

Angel: She's very powerful. We got to find out everything we can about her.

Cordelia: Like, oh, say, her name?

Angel: I was impaled at the time!

Cordelia: Of course. Perfectly understandable.

Angel: Do you know how hard it is to think straight with a rebar through your torso?

Cordelia: Actually, I do. Benefits of a Sunnydale education. No address or anything?

Angel: She said she was staying with a friend.

Cordelia: Well, that narrows it down to people with friends. [to Wesley] Where do we keep that list?

Cordelia: You shouldn't worry, Angel does this kind of thing all the time.

Bethany: Makes tea?

Cordelia: Helps people. You know, he helps people with problems.

Bethany: So what's wrong with you?

Wesley: Where to begin?

Angel: What do we know about telekinesis?

Wesley: Ah yes, the power of moving things with one's mind. That's pretty much it. The power of ... moving ... I ... I'm better with demons, really.

[On Bethany leaving]

Angel: You gotta learn to lose, sweetie.

Lilah: Did I mention you're not invited in?

Bethany: Don't try to find me, Lilah. I mean it.

Lilah: Our-our firm doesn't wanna lose a ... you-you're not ... [points to Angel] He is a vampire, you know.

Bethany: [looks at Angel] Weird.

[Bethany walks away, unconcerned.]

Angel: Looks like you're gonna have to find someone else's brain to play with.

Lilah: Yeah. We have someone in mind.

Dear Boy

Angel: The table seems far.

Cordelia: Aw, you must be all worn out from sleeping for the last three days! [to Wesley] It's like living with the world's oldest teenager. He can't be having a growth spurt at two-hundred and forty-eight, could he?

Angel: Two forty-seven!

Wesley: What about my salary? That's fixed too.

Cordelia: What if every time you identified a demon in one of your big old books, we gave you ten bucks? Or a chicken pot pie?

Wesley: Wait, I have another idea — no! Get a vision!

Cordelia: Well, it's not like you can hit me in the head and wham, it happens!

Wesley: What if we test that theory with one of my big old books?

Angel: Children, stop bickering.

Angel: [jolts awake] Eugh! [Wesley and Cordelia stare at him] Didn't doze off.

Angel: I saw her, I'm not crazy.

Wesley: Who?

Angel: Darla.

Wesley: Where?

Angel: Right between the clowns and the big talking hot dog.

Darla: All that power wasted on a whiny, mopey do-gooder. God, I could eat his eyeballs.

Lindsey: Our plans for Angel are a little more long-term than that. But if you can't help yourself, then by all means, be my guest.

Darla: You're fun for a human.

Wesley: The woman walked into direct sunlight. Obviously she's not a vampire, obviously Angel ... made a mistake.

Cordelia: Ya think?

Wesley: We're just going to have to put our heads together and help him come to grips with this thing. [to Angel] You're among friends, we're not going to condemn you.

Cordelia: Right. You're crazy, you need professional help.

Angel: It was Darla, she's back. And she's human now, but - I know her scent.

Wesley: Angel, you can't just - sniff a person and...

Angel: [sniffs Wesley] You had sex last night with a bleached blonde.

Wesley: Good Lord! How'd you-

Cordelia: That's unbelievable. I didn't think you ever had sex.

Angel: [to the crowd, after singing] I'm very sorry.

[Shot of some manacles and a gun on a table.]

Wesley: This is all just precautionary. When push comes to shove, Angel's our - we trust him.

Gunn: [picks up gun] I see.

Cordelia: It's not like he turns evil every time he gets this cranky.

Gunn: He turns evil?!

Gunn: There's nothing I respect more than loyalty.

Wesley: That's good to hear.

Gunn: But if the bad Angel walks through that door I will kill him in two seconds flat.

[Angel manhandles Darla down the long stairwell and a good ways into the giant empty water tank.]

Angel: So you're what Wolfram and Hart brought back in that box. And they brought you back as a human. They think I won't kill one. You want to know what I think? I think they don't know me that well.

[Darla tries to make a run for it, but Angel cuts her off and she stops.]

Angel: You feel what this place was before they excavated it? It's a convent. You remember how much I like convents.

[She looks at him, makes the sign of the cross..]

Angel: Come on Darla, you and I are too old to play games. I need to talk to the real you.

[He morphs into vamp face and charges her, pushes her up against a pillar.]

Angel: It's been a long time since I said this to anyone [he rips her jacket off her shoulder and bares her neck] but you can scream all you want.

[Angel lowers his mouth to her bared shoulder and scrapes his teeth up along her neck, scratching it.]

[As he begins to nuzzle her neck Darla begins to smile.]

Darla: Oh. Oh I'm not gonna scream.

[She turns her face against his neck. He pulls back and kisses her and she responds. After a moment they break apart and Darla smiles at him.]

Darla: There's my boy.

[She puts a hand around his neck and they kiss again, harder.]

Darla: God doesn't want you... but I still do.

Guise Will Be Guise

Cordelia: What are you doing?

Wesley: Oh, knocking things over, driving away business ... you know, the usual.

Cordelia: Well, I found him and we have to stop him before it's too late, we have to change our ... Do you have any clothes a man would wear?

Cordelia: [pushes "open" button] They have vampire detectors!

Gunn: We know, it's cool. He's got a plan.

Wesley: A plan?

Angel: Yeah. [pushes a floor button] I get to the offices before they stop me.

Gunn: See? [whips his head around to stare at Angel] What? That's the plan? Walkin' real quick was "the plan"?

Cordelia: [pushes open] Angel, this is crazy. Listen to yourself. You're all insane and angry and [Angel pushes up] insane! You need help!

Angel: I'm not insane and I'm not angry.

[Cordelia pushes open, and this time there is a security guard there, triggering the stake concealed in his nightstick. Angel grabs a hold of it and stabs him through the foot with it.]

Wesley: Euugh!

Gunn: Man, that's nasty.

Angel: Maybe I'm a little angry.

Cordelia: "Maybe"?!

[The team is at Caritas, a karaoke bar favored by demons.]

Gunn: Okay, what I want to know is, how'd I live in L.A. all my life and not notice weird-ass stuff was going on?

Cordelia: Oh, the ass is even weirder than you think!

Wesley: The Host, the fellow talking to Angel over there? He helps demons, reads their souls, senses their futures...

Cordelia: Yes, but he can only do it when they sing Karaoke.

Angel: I'll sing if I have to.

[...]

Gunn: Wait, are you sayin' ... Is he gonna sing? Oh, God, is Angel gonna sing?

[...]

Angel: We're going, I don't have to sing.

Cordelia: Oh, thank God! [Angel stares at her.] I-I mean, for your sake, because I know you don't like to do that.

Angel: Uh huh.

Cordelia: [spins in Angel's chair] Hey, look at me, I'm Angel!

Wesley: He doesn't generally spin that much.

Cordelia: Right. This is Angel. "Oh, no, I can't do anything fun tonight. I have to count my past sins, then alphabetize them. Oh, by the way, I'm thinking of snapping on Friday."

Wesley: You gonna fight me?

Virginia: Let's go shopping.

Wesley: What? Now? It's the middle of the night! Wouldn't you rather wait till morning - when I can't reasonably leave the house. Yes, as your bodyguard I insist we go at once. [to Bryce] We're going shopping.

Gunn: At gunpoint?

Cordelia: Yes! The point of a gun! He just walked Wesley right out of here. And this whole "I'm Angel" thing is a very, very bad idea. I mean, if I thought that would work, I could've been Angel, because, guess what? Pretty much a girly name.

Cordelia: Angel, Gunn, what happened?

Angel: He got hit.

Cordelia: By who? The swami? Swamies don't hit. Swamies swam.

Angel: Why is Wesley wearing my coat?

Angel: What's going on? Were you in Virginia?

Wesley: That's beside the point.

Wesley: We have to go. Angel you take Gunn, go to the front of the house. Cordelia, we'll to to the back.

[As he is about to walk past Angel puts out a hand to stop him.]

Angel: Wesley?

Wesley: Oh, right. I'm sorry, you know this sort of thing best. How should we proceed?

Angel: Uhm ... well, Gunn and I could - take the back?

Wesley: Very good. Lets go.

Angel: Uh, Wesley, can I get my coat back?

Wesley: Release her, or die.

Angel: Don’t I say that?

Bryce: She's impure? She-she's not a virgin? [Starts towards Wesley] You...

Gunn: Woah! That's what "impure" meant?

Cordy: She slept with him?

Bryce: You were supposed to be Angel. This wouldn't have happened. That's why I hired him. He's a eunuch.

Cordelia: You slept with her?

Angel: A eunuch?

Wesley: Things happen. Two young people, danger...

Virginia: What are you talking about?

Bryce: She was a virgin before you got here.

Virginia: I was not a virgin!

Bryce: What?

Wesley: Oh, thank goodness.

Gunn: I could have told you she was no virgin.

Angel: Not a eunuch.

Cordelia: One day as Angel! One day, and he's getting some.

Bryce: What? How could you. I kept you away from all men!

Angel: The curse isn't even all that clear.

Virginia: Daddy, you remember that chauffeur from when I was 16? And the one at 18? I haven't been a virgin for a very long time. I even dated Rick.

[Bryce turns to look at one of the robed guards, who hurriedly and quietly makes his way from the room.]

Bryce: Ginny, don't do this! Don't make me angry!

Virginia: Right. Because then you might do something bad. You were going to kill me! [She punches Bryce, knocking him to the ground.] You are not my father anymore.

Angel: Not a eunuch.

Angel: There's no Wyndam-Pryce agency...

Darla

Darla: Lindsey. You never talk about yourself, Lindsey. You have a girlfriend? Boyfriend? Someone special?

Lindsey: There's no one.

Darla: You can be with someone for 150 years - think you know them. Still - doesn't work out. Angelus - why, you should have seen us together.

Lindsey: He was a different person then.

Darla: And so was I. Now do you know what we've become?

Lindsey: Enemies?

Darla: Oh no. Much worse. Now we're soulmates. [laughs as Lindsey stares]

[Flashback: Virginia Colony, 1609. The sun is shining on Darla as she is lying in bed. There are two veiled sisters standing at the foot of her bed watching as a doctor takes a leech from her arm.]

Darla: Someone close the shutters. [One of the sisters does so.] Seems wrong that I should die while the sun is still so bright.

[A hooded priest enters the room.]

Priest: You'll not see it again. Before it sets, you will have left this life.

Darla: I didn't ask for a priest. Who invited him here?

Priest: You did. You cried out for me last night in your delirium.

Darla: I don't remember. Do you even know what I am?

Priest: A woman of some property. No husband, no inheritance. Yes. I know what you are.

Darla: I'm a whore.

Priest: Well, yes, that too. You should have asked for a priest long ago, child. Your life may have been the better for it.

Darla: And you should have paid me a visit before today, father. Your life may have been more interesting because of it.

Priest: Are you prepared now to renounce Satan and beg God his forgiveness?

Darla: God never did anything for me.

Priest: [to the others] Leave us.

[The two sisters leave.]

Priest: [To the doctor still sitting at her bedside] You can't save her life - perhaps I can still save her soul.

[The doctor gets up and leaves.]

Darla: My soul is well past saving. Let the devil take me if he'll have me. It doesn't matter. Either way, I die.

Priest: No... [The priest steps closer and pulls his hood back to reveal - The Master] ...you will not die. [Darla looks up at his inhuman face without flinching.] You will be reborn.

Darla: I know you.

[The Master leans down and takes one of Darla's hands in his.]

Master: I came to you last night. I sang to you from that window.

Darla: Hmm, I remember now. You're death?

Master: No.

Darla: What then?

Master: I'm your savior. God never did anything for you - but I will.

[With that he leans down and sinks his fangs into her neck.]

Wesley: Cordelia has a point.

Cordelia: Finally!

Wesley: The last time Darla emerged she wanted to be found. Now she is out there among six million other people.

Cordelia: She could be sitting on top of anybody.

Angel: Come on, guys! We're a detective agency. We investigate things! That's what we're good at!

Cordelia: That's what we suck at. Let's face it - unless there's a website called www.Oh-By-the-way-we-have-Darla-stashed-here.com, we're pretty much out of luck.

Lindsey: Darla?

Darla: Say that again?

Lindsey: I just uh... I said, your name... Darla.

Darla: It sounds so odd, doesn't it?

Lindsey: I don't know what you mean-.

Darla: It wasn't my name when I was human. First time I was human, I mean.

Lindsey: What was your name?

Darla: [without sentiment] I don't remember. I'm not her, whoever she was. I was Darla for so long. And then... I wasn't. I wasn't anything. I just... stopped. He killed me, and I was done. But then you brought me back.

Lindsey: Yes...

Darla: What did you bring back, Lindsey? What am I? Did you bring back that girl, whose name I can't remember?... Or did you bring back something else? The other thing?

Lindsey: Both. Neither. You're just you... whatever that is.

Darla: Why haven't you kissed me? You've been dying for it, haven't you?

Lindsey: I didn't know if you wanted me to...

Darla: Why should that matter? Do you think I ever hesitated when I wanted something? Life's too short. Believe me. I know. Four hundred years, and still too short.

[Lindsey steps forward and kisses her softly.]

Darla: Mmm, that's how humans get what they want. I remember that much.

[Lindsey kisses her again.]

Lindsey: Do you like it?

Darla: It's nice. - But it's not me you want to screw.

[Lindsey pulls back to look at her.]

Lindsey: What?

Darla: It's him. You all think you can use me to get to Angel.

Lindsey: Maybe.

[He kisses her hard, pushing her up against the table.]

Darla: What am I?

Lindsey: I don't know and I don't care.

[They kiss and suddenly Darla bites the side of Lindsey's neck, hard and he pulls away. They break apart.]

Darla: Now do you care?

Lindsey: No.

Darla: That's how vampires get what they want. What am I?

Lindsey: Darla...

Darla: Is that it? Am I Darla?

Lindsey: Yes.

Darla: Careful. Darla would snap you in half. - Is that who I am?

[She pushes away from him and leans her head against the window. Lindsey reaches one hand up to cover the side of his neck.]

Lindsey: I understand what you're going through.

[Darla shakes her head and pushes away from the glass.]

Darla: No. Nobody understands. Nobody can understand. I can feel this body dying, Lindsey. I can feel it decaying moment by moment. It's being eaten away by this thing inside of it. It's a cancer, this soul!

The Master: [talking about Angelus] Angelus? The Latinate for "Angel". It’s marvelous!

Darla: His name would already be a legend in his home village - had he left anyone alive there to tell the tale.

The Master: [caressing Darla's hand] Ah, you had a nice trip. I'm so glad.

Darla: On the way back we cut a bloody swath through South Wales and northern England. He was magnificent.

Angelus: Hmm, Yorkshire men - tough as leather. [The Master and Angelus both laugh at that remark] So, Darla here tells me you're some sort of Master.

Darla: The Master. He commands our order."

The Master: The order of Aurelius. We are the select - the elite.

[Angelus folds his arms and surveys their surroundings.]

Angelus: And you live in the sewers, do you?

[The Master gives Darla's hand a pat and stands up.]

The Master: We live below, giving tribute to the old ones. Awaiting that promised day when we will arise -A rise! - and lay waste to the world above us.

[The Master laughs.]

Angelus: Why'd you want to do that?

The Master: Huh?

Angelus: Well, I mean, have you been above lately? It's quite nice. Me - I could never live in a rat infested stink hole - like this, if you'll pardon me for saying so. I got to have meself a proper bed or I'm a terror. [To Darla] Isn't that right love?

Darla: He's young.

Angelus: And this one, down in the goose feathers, and the finest silks and linens and a view... [Angelus comes around to Darla] ...she's always got to have the view... [leans in close to her] ...don't you, my lamb?.

Darla: We fed very recently. The blood is still hot in his veins.

Angelus: You noticed that, did you?

The Master: We stalk the surface to feed and grow our ranks. We do not live amongst the human pestilence!

Angelus: I'll be honest, you really couldn't with that face, now could you?

Darla: Angelus!

[Angelus laughs and drops into the Masters chair, left leg dangling over one of the armrests and takes a bit of snuff.]

Angelus: It's not stuck like that now is it?

[The Master leans in on him with a growl.]

Darla: The Master has grown past the curse of human features.

Angelus: I'm not gonna get a bat-nose like that, huh? Am I?

The Master: Very few vampires are cunning enough to have lived as long as I have - which you've now... [The Master grabs Angelus by the front of his coat and throws him across the room) ...demonstrated.

[Darla flinches as Angelus slides down the wall. Laughing, he gets back up, and keeps talking to Darla as if the Master wasn't even there.]

Angelus: Naples, you and me Darla. What do you say?

[The Master hits him with a hard right throwing him back against the wall.]

Darla: Angelus...

[Angelus just pushes himself off the wall and goes on as if nothing had happened]

Angelus: This is no place for you - bound to the likes of him.

The Master: You should show... [Master hits Angelus over the head, dropping him to the ground] ...the proper respect.

[Angelus, now on all fours and breathing hard, still ignores the Master and talks only to Darla.]

Angelus: You belong by my side, out in the world, feeding as we like,taking what we need. I'll give you that view you crave, darling. I'll give you everything.

[The Master knocks Angelus over onto his back. Angelus coughs, then laughs again. Lifts his head to look at Darla.]

Angelus: [to Darla] Tell the truth - whose face do you want to look at for eternity? His, or mine?

The Master: You idiot. I made her.

[To the Master's shock, Darla goes to Angelus and helps her lover to his feet.]

The Master: You're leaving with the stallion, aren't you?

[One of the Master's minions tries to block their path, but the Master waves them off and lets the couple leave the hall.]

The Master: No. Let them go. He won't last. I give it a century, tops.

Angel: [reads from a book] Darla, Anglo-Saxon derivation, meaning 'dear one'. Huh, didn't come into common usage until more than a 100 years after she was born. [Closes the book] He must have given it to her. I didn't even know her real name.

Darla: [looking at a dead body] So beautiful. Not a blemish, not a freckle. Perhaps we should have preserved that beauty for eternity?

Angelus: Still, he won't now age.

Darla: No, but he'll rot. Seems a pity.

Drusilla: When I bit into him, I could hear the ocean.

Darla: Of course you could.

Drusilla: I'm full and warm, yet all alone.

Angelus: That's not true, precious. You've got us.

Drusilla: Not in the least. You won't even hurt me just a little bit.

Darla: All you have to do is ask.

Drusilla: No. His head's too full of you, Grandmother.

Darla: Stop calling me that.

Drusilla: Don't be cross. I could be your mummy...

Angelus: Well, if you're lonely, Dru, why don't you make yourself a playmate?

Drusilla: I could! I could pick the wisest and bravest knight in all the land and make him mine forever with a kiss.

William: [walking past] Bloody... watch where you're going!

Darla: Or you could just take the first drooling idiot that comes along.

Angelus: You think she'll find a good one?

[They walk on but Dru keeps looking after William.]

Darla: I found you.

[Darla is standing in front of an elder of the gypsies.]

Darla: You took him from me! You stole him away! You gave him a soul!

Gypsy Man: He must suffer, as all his victims have suffered.

Darla: That is no justice! Whatever pain he caused to your daughter was momentary, over in an instant... or an hour. But what you've done to him will force him to suffer for the rest of eternity! Remove that filthy soul so my boy might return to me!

Dru: Angelus is gone on away. Where is he?

Darla: [grabs a hold of the Gypsy's neck] Drusilla, the camp - go on - kill things!

Dru: He shall be very cross if he finds we had a lovely mass slaughter without him.

Darla: [closes her eyes for a moment] He'll join us soon. Now do as you're told.

Dru: [licks one of her fingers and nods] Okay.

[Walks off.]

Darla: In that wagon is your family. Your wife and daughters will die tonight without my protection. [Strokes the man's cheek] But if you'll do as I say, your family can live.

[Spike, in vamp face, blood on his chin, steps out of the wagon and burps. Darla looks at him.]

Spike: What?

[Darla closes her eyes, turns back to the gypsy and snaps his neck.]

Dru: [swaying by the fire] Pretty music, pretty, pretty music. [Spike comes up to her and she pulls him into her dance] They cry out for mercy. They cry out for mercy.

Darla: Show none.

Cordelia: Angel...

Angel: Cordy, just take a message. [To Wesley] So you think this is a setup?

Wesley: We mustn't rule it out.

Cordelia: Angel!

Angel: Cordy, please, I'm talking.

Cordelia: Hi Darla. He can't talk right now. He'll call you back once he's found you. [Angel runs over to Cordelia reaching for the phone.] Yeah, bye-bye.

[Angel grabs the phone before she can hang it up.]

Angel: Darla?

Darla: My boy. My darling boy...

Angel: Where are you?

Darla: Better question: Where was I? I don't remember anything. It's a great big nothing. Could it be there's no hell?

Angel: There's a hell. A few of them. I've been to one.

Darla: It's been four centuries since I've had to be afraid of anything. And now I'm sick with it.

[A filthy Angel grabs the sides of her face from behind.]

Angel: You're so warm. You just fed.

Darla: You found me.

Angel: You can never resist a religious war and you always talked about China. I just followed the bodies. You never used to be so careless.

Darla: Maybe I wanted to be found.

Angel: Spike and Dru?

Darla: They're here. Probably out in the riots. Maybe starting a new one.

[Angel lets go of her and she spins around, pushes him up against the wall, holding a knife against his throat.]

Darla: I should kill you right now.

Angel: Go ahead.

Darla: Is that why you've come all this way? Too much of a coward to end your own existence, you want me to do it for you? Release that filthy soul?

Angel: If you'd like.

Darla: I can still smell it, you know. And that's not all. You reek of vermin! Is that what you've been living off of?

Angel: [grabs her hand] Come on, huh? This should be nothing for you. Go ahead, Darla. Make sure you cut clear to the bone. Put the blade in the wall. Hmm?

[Darla stares at him for a moment then pulls away from him. She turns away.]

Darla: What do you want?

Angel: A second chance.

Darla: What?

Angel: I want things to be like they were. You and me together Darla. - I miss the view.

Darla: That's impossible.

Angel: It's not impossible.

Darla: You still have a soul.

Angel: I'm still a vampire.

Darla: You're not. Look at you. I don't know what you are anymore.

Angel: You know what I am. You made me. Darla. I'm Angelus.

Darla: Not anymore.

Angel: I can be again. Just give me a chance to prove it to you.

Darla: You almost made me believe you.

Angel: Believe it. We can have the whirlwind back.

Darla: We can do this.

Angel: Yes, we can.

Darla: We can do anything.

Angel: Anything we like.

[They kiss.]

Darla: So, where have you two been?

Drusilla: Can I tell?

Spike: No need to be humble.

Drusilla: My little Spike just killed himself a Slayer.

Darla: [to Angel] Did you hear that?

Angel: [to Spike] Congratulations. I guess that makes you one of us.

Spike: Don't be so glum, eh? The way you tell it, one Slayer snuffs another one rises. I figure, there is a new chosen one getting all chosen even as we speak. I tell you what, when and if this new bird shows up, I'll give you first crack at it!

[Drusilla steps past Angel in the direction of the alley.]

Drusilla: Hmm, I smell fear.

Angel: This whole place reeks of it.

[Spike wraps his arms around Drusilla from behind.]

Drusilla: It's intoxicating.

Angel: Let's get out of here. This rebellion is starting to bore me.

[Darla watches as Angel walks past Drusilla, giggling in Spike's arms, then follows him. Nice, slow motion shot of the four of them walking down the street with the burning buildings and riot all around. Spike steps on a bundle in his path and leaps high into the air. Angel is walking down the street, grim-faced leading the way, with Darla just a step behind him. Spike is carrying Dru in his arms, kissing her. Darla is watching Angel.]

Darla: Where have you been?

Angel: Darla.

Darla: Answer me!

Angel: Just out. Why?

Darla: Feeding?

Angel: Yeah.

Darla: On vermin?

Angel: No.

Darla: Don't lie to me.

Angel: Look I've killed men. You've seen it!

Darla: Rapists and murderers, thieves and scoundrels. Did you think I wouldn't notice? Only evildoers, that's all you hunt now. You swore to me. You said, if I took you back you'd prove yourself.

Angel: And I will.

Darla: Good. [Pulls the blanket of a basket sitting between them, revealing the missionaries' baby] Now is your chance.

[Angel looks down at the baby, shifts restlessly.]

Darla: I went back before dawn. They were still cowering there. Praying to their god for a salvation. They didn't know that their only savior was at the waterfront dining on rats. I won't be made a fool, Angelus. Not by you. Not by anyone.

Angel: I didn't mean...

Darla: While Spike - Spike - was out killing a Slayer you were saving missionaries! From me!

Angel: I'm sorry...

Darla: No. No more words. [She takes a step back and Angel looks down at the baby] Act!

[Darla shakes her hair back and tilts her head, exposing her throat.]

Darla: Do it! Now!

Angel: What?

Darla: Make me what I was again!

Angel: Darla...

Darla: You said you'd help me!

[Angel backs away but she won't let go of him.]

Angel: I will! I want to but not like this.

Darla: Then turn me back! My God! I can't bear this pounding in my chest for another instant!

Angel: It's a gift... to feel that heartbeat. To know, really and for once, that you're alive. You're human again, Darla. Do you know what that means?

Darla: Of course I do. It means pain, and suffering and disease and death! Look, I released you from this world once. I gave you eternal life. Now it's time for you to return the favor.

[Angel backs away and looks at her incredulously.]

Angel: Favor? Is that what you think? You think you did me a favor? You damned me!

Darla: [beat] Fine. Fine then, if it's such a punishment, take out your revenge, pay me back! [Angel just looks at her] Please.

[Angel swallows and shakes his head ever so slightly]

Angel: I can't.

[Darla closes her eyes.]

[China - 1900]

[Angel is looking down at the baby in the basket.]

Darla: What do you mean you can't? You won't!

Angel: I can't seem to be able to uhm, I'm sorry.

Darla: You disgust me.

[Angel grabs a hold of the baby and runs out on Darla, crashing through some glass doors.]

[Hyperion - Present Day]

Angel: Darla, wait!

[Darla stops in front of the doors and spins around to face him.]

Darla: No! Don't look for me again.

[She turns and rushes out the door and a he makes no move to stop her.]

The Shroud of Rahmon

[Cordelia has dyed her hair black.]

Wesley: What happened to your head?

Cordelia: Excuse me?

Wesley: Your hair. It's.. new. It's great. When did this happen?

Cordelia: Ten days ago.

[Cordelia returns to the hotel with a large red stain on her blouse.]

Angel: Cordelia. What happened?

Cordelia: It's not blood, it's cocktail sauce. Courtesy of Mr. Star Shmoozer here.

Angel: I mean your head. Your hair. It looks.. great. When did this happen?

Wesley: Ten days ago. Pay attention.

Wesley: I even spilled it on her in front of Mr. Fat Chow... Chow.

Cordelia: Chow Yun-Fat!

Angel: What? You met Chow Yun-Fat?

Angel: Hey, nice sweater. Where'd you get it, Ed's Big & Spiny?

The Trial

[Holtz hunts Darla and Angelus across 18th century France.]

Angelus: This is outrageous. Don't those people know who we are?

Darla: I think they do. Which would explain the lynch mob.

Angelus: It's this man, Holtz. How does he keep finding us?

Darla: Well, we stay in the best hotels, order room service, eat the waiters. People talk.

Darla: You know, just because we had a thing for 150 years, don't presume you know me!

Angel: You were undead for four hundred years. You've only been human again for a few months. Why not give it some time?

Darla: I don't have time.

Angel: You do. You've been given a second chance. Don't throw that away before you have the opportunity ...

Darla: I'm dying.

Angel: ... What?

Darla: Yeah. And not "sometime". Not "later." Now. Right now. They showed me the medical files. All the tests say the same thing. I've got about two months, three at the most, so if you'll excuse me, I'm in sort of a hurry.

Wesley: And you believe it's some kind of trick.

Angel: We're talking about Wolfram and Hart! Of course it's a trick. They're trying to play some kind of mind game.

Wesley: To what end?

Angel: I don't know, but we're not gonna take the bait.

Darla: No, you just don't wanna believe it, that's all.

Angel: I don't wanna believe anything from them.

Wesley: It's true. They can't really be trusted.

Darla: I don't trust them. But I know a thing or two about mind games. [to Angel] So do you. We've played them together for over a century.

Cordelia: Yes, but you were just soulless, blood-sucking demons. They're lawyers.

Angel: [to Darla] She's right. We were amateurs.

Cordelia: [to Darla] First up, you're a prisoner.

Wesley: I'd have to concur with that, yes.

Cordelia: See, you've got our friend all in knots.

Wesley: Can't say we like you much.

Cordelia: So, sorry about the dying, but if you try to escape, we will hit you.

Wesley: On the head.

Cordelia: With very large and heavy objects. Okay?

[Darla has just told Angel that she is dying and he has kicked open Lindsey's door to confront him about this.]

Angel: I may not be able to come in, Lindsey, but...

Lindsey: Wipe your feet.

Angel: What?

Lindsey: Wipe your feet. You can come in. Jeez, I invited you in already.

Lindsey: Yes, she's dying. Yes, those medical reports you saw are real. You want a second opinion? [Picks up some files and throws them at Angel] Here. How about a third? Hmm? How about a tenth? I used every connection Wolfram and Hart had. [Points at the file Angel is looking at.] That's my own personal doctor. They all say the same thing: syphilitic heart condition - terminal. [Refills his glass] Looks like our Darla was a working girl in the New World. Syphilis was what she was dying from when she was human. Now she's human again. Kind of picking up where she left off. Of course, today something like that could be cleared up with a few antibiotics if you catch it in time. We're about a month and what? 400 years too late?

Angel: [About Darla] Do you love her, Lindsey? [Lindsey looks down] Is that what this is? Heh! Look at you. A few short months with her and you go all schoolboy. I was with her for 150 years.

Lindsey: But you never loved her.

Angel: I wasn't capable of it and neither are you.

Lindsey: Maybe not. But I'd save her if I could. And you can. And you won't. So you got a choice pal: waste the last two months of her life searching for a cure that doesn't exist, watch her wither away and die...or you can use the only real power you got. You can make this disease go away today if you wanted to.

Angel: By killing her again.

Lindsey: By giving her life! Eternal life.

Angel: And then what, Lindsey? You and her can be together? If I were to do it if I turned her, how long do think it would be before she hunted you down and had you for breakfast? I've got to say, I mean, that thought alone almost makes it worth it. But there is another way, and I'll find it.

[Angel throws the medical files at Lindsey and walks out.]

Cordelia: [About Darla] I'm sorry, but after 400 hundred years of death and destruction, seems to me, you get voted off the island. Am I right?

Angel: We'll find a cure. We'll do something.

Darla: You'll do something! Now, I've been around long enough to know when something is a lost cause. Unless...

Angel: That's exactly what they want us to do, Darla. We'd be playing right into their hands.

Darla: I don't care. I don't wanna die.

Angel: I can't give you what you want.

Darla: It's what I need.

Angel: No, it's not what you need, Darla. Really it's not. I don't know what you need. I wish I did.

Darla: I don't know either.

Angel: No. You do. You're the only one that could. You just can't see it that's all. You need a little help.

Darla: [singing] You're only misleading the sunshine I'm needing. Ain't that a shame? It's so hard to keep up with troubles that creep up from out of nowhere when love...

Angel: Aren't you supposed to be reading her?

Lorne: I'm a channel surfer. Look, you're a big hunk of hero sandwich. You wanna save the girl. I can see why. But you're missing the crucial point here. Things fall apart. Not everything can be put back together, no matter how much you want it.

Angel: She's not gonna die.

Lorne: Why do you care so much? She had more than most of us, already 400 plus years.

Angel: As a vampire. Before that she was... She... She never had a chance.

[Darla finishes her song to big applause.]

Lorne: Someone get my heart. That girl's ripped it right out.

Angel: What is this?

Jeeves: I think you know, sir.

[Angel, breathing hard, is staring at the stakes. Darla, breathing hard, closes her eyes.]

Angel: Stakes? You call this [starts coughing] a test? The only way this can work is you kill me, huh?

Jeeves: Exactly. You do understand, this third test has no catch, as you will find out it. Death is the final challenge. We can't restore one life without taking another. You see? In order for Darla to live, you must die.

[Angel stares at the stakes.]

Angel: What are you waiting for?

Jeeves: For you, sir. I can't proceed without your permission. You've earned a choice. Accept your death so she may live or...

Angel: Or what?!

Jeeves: Leave. Refuse the challenge and walk away. No one will stop you. Our doors are all open to you. You've done that yourself.

Angel: What about Darla?

Jeeves: Oh, she dies.

Angel: No deal.

Jeeves: I expected as much. A pity. I'm beginning to like you.

Angel: Spare me.

Jeeves: I'd very much like to. [Steps closer.] Do you mind if I ask you a question? Isn't the world a better place with you in it? You can save so many people. It seems she can barely save herself.

[Angel doesn't answer. Darla has a tear in her eye.]

Jeeves: You know better than anyone the world can be a very bad place. Take yourself out, put her in - how long will it be before she stumbles, before she falls?

Angel: I don't know.

Jeeves: No, you don't. Are you still ready to give her life when she can promise you - nothing?

Angel: Yes.

[Darla licks her lips and swallows.]

Jeeves: As you wish.

Darla: No.

[Angel takes a deep breath.]

Angel: Do it.

[Jeeves releases the stakes and they hurtle towards Angel.]

Darla: Noooooooooooooooo!

[She squirms, her eyes closed. She opens them to see Angel in front of her, once again fully dressed but panting, hunched over, barely able to stand.]

Darla: Angel!

Jeeves: Congratulations. You've passed the third test by accepting death. I'm told no one's ever gone that far before in terms of sacrifice. Kudos.

Angel: Pay up.

Jeeves: Of course. [To Darla] You're a lucky woman, and soon you'll have your whole life ahead. Use it wisely.

Angel: Hey, Jeeves, unless this fortune cookie crap is some new kind of torture, what you say we get on with it, huh?"

Jeeves: This way, miss.

[He puts his hands on the sides of her head and they both close their eyes as Angel tries to straighten up so he can get a better view. Jeeves opens his eyes and lets his hands drop.]

Jeeves: Oh!

Darla: What?

Angel: What is it?

Jeeves: This is very embarrassing.

Angel: What is?

Jeeves: Not to mention unprecedented. She's...she's been given new life once before by supernatural means, yes?"

Darla: They brought me back.

Angel: What are you saying?

Jeeves: I can't help you.

Angel: We had a bargain. She's earned a second chance.

Jeeves: She's living her second chance. [The wall shivers and a set of stairs leading up appears.] But you played the game magnificently. [Angel gives him a dark look and Jeeves adjusts his cuffs.] Perhaps you should have told us that she was brought to life before this all started. I truly am sorry, sir. The fact of the matter is... [Steps back and dissolves ...there is nothing I can do.

[Angel doesn't move.]

Darla: Angel...

[Angel reacts angrily.]

[Angel and Darla are sitting in her dingy motel room, Darla on the bed, Angel on a chair by the door.]

Angel: Maybe it would be different. We don't know. Maybe, uh... because, you know, I have a soul if...if I did bite you...

Darla: No!

Angel: We don't know what it would do to you.

Darla: Angel, I've seen it now. Everything you're going through, everything you've gone through. I felt it. I felt how you care. The way no one's ever cared before. Not for me. [Gives him a tiny smile] That's all I need from you.

Angel: That's not enough.

Darla: It is.

Angel: How could the Powers allow you to be brought back, dangle a second chance and take it away like this?

Darla: Maybe this is my second chance.

Angel: To die?

Darla: Yes. To die. The way I was supposed to die in the first place.

[They look at each other for a moment before Darla turns away drawing a shaky breath. Angel gets up and, still limping slightly, goes to sit next to her.]

Angel: I'm not gonna leave you.

[Darla looks at him trying not to cry.]

Angel: Every moment you have left I'm gonna be by your side. You're never gonna be alone again."

[He drapes his, still burned looking, right hand around her shoulder and pulls her close as she begins to cry.]

[Four black-clad commandos break into Darla's motel room, taser Angel nearly senseless, and hold Darla.]

Lindsey: [brutally yanks back Angel's head] How did you think this would end?

[Drusilla glides gracefully into the room towards Darla, who quickly realizes her intention and tries to resist but to no avail. Drusilla vamps and bites Darla, then completes the siring by drawing her own blood for Darla to drink in turn. Silent and immobile, Angel watches in agony as Darla's precious, newly-saved soul is lost forever.]

Reunion

Gunn: Okay, I'm still tryin' to get this family tree straight. Darla sired Angel.

Wesley: Correct.

Gunn: And Angel sired this Drusilla.

Wesley: Back when he and Darla were together, yes.

Gunn: But, before Angel got his soul back, right?

Wesley: Certainly.

Gunn: Now these lawyers, they brought Darla back as human. Now this Drusilla vamp goes and bites Darla?

Wesley: So it would seem.

Gunn: Making her a vampire again.

Wesley: That's the cosmological upshot, yes. Darla's human self has died, and some time before dawn, unless Angel can stop it, she will rise again, a soulless demon.

Gunn: So that means...

Wesley: Clock is ticking.

Gunn: No, no, what I'm sayin' is, that means the granddaughter remade the grandmother.

Wesley: Oh. Yes.

Gunn: Man, somehow that weirds me out more than the whole blood-suckin' thing.

Drusilla: I saw you coming, my lovely. The moon showed me. It told me to come into the twentieth century.

Angel: It's the twenty-first century, Dru.

Drusilla: Hmm, I'm still lagging.

[Drusilla prepares a sleeping Darla for her rebirth as a vampire.]

Drusilla: [sings] Run and catch, run and catch, the lamb is caught in the blackberry patch.

[Darla and Drusilla are heading down a crowed sidewalk with Darla tossing Dru around.]

Drusilla: Did I do something to displease you?

[Darla tosses Drusilla on the sidewalk. A guy tries to help Drusilla up, but Darla tosses him aside, then grabs a hold of Drusilla and tosses her over a parked car onto the road. Drusilla stands up, only to get hit by a honking car. Drusilla rolls down the street a ways and a blonde woman gets out of the car and hurries towards her as Drusilla slowly gets back up. The woman takes one look at Drusilla and runs off as Darla comes and slams Dru down on the hood of the car.]

Drusilla: Grandmother, what?

[Darla hits her, making her stumble into the path of another car that manages to swerve around her, tires screeching. Darla grabs a hold of Drusilla again.]

Drusilla: Don't be angry.

[Darla slams her up against the side of the car.]

Darla: Why?

Drusilla: For you. All for you. I thought it was what you wanted. To be saved.

[Darla looks at Drusilla and slowly takes a step back, letting her hands drop from Drusilla's shoulders.]

Drusilla: [in tears] All alone. All alone in the dirt. We've lost our way and the little worm won't dance if he's told to. [Starts to sob.] No. No.

[Darla pushes Drusilla's hair out of her face, then slowly takes her in her arms to comfort her, softly stroking her hair and letting Dru cry. A man gets out of his pickup.]

Man: You two wanna move it out of the street?

[Drusilla and Darla turn to look at him, pulling slightly apart.]

Man: Yeah, that's right, sweetheart. Why don't you and your girlfriend take the make-out session on home.

[Darla walks up to him.]

Man: The rest of us have lives.

[Darla looks him up and down, shakes her head and vamps.]

Darla: Not for long.

[She grabs him and feeds, drops him to the ground and turns back to Drusilla with a smile, back in human face.]

Drusilla: You're all new again.

[Drusilla touches Darla's nose.]

Darla: Let's go shopping, hmm?

[She takes a hold of Drusilla's hand and the two of them walk off down the road, giggling.]

Cordelia: Hitting the pause button- Wolfram & Hart? As in, vampire detectors, crack security system and armed guards? Good plan, General Custer!

Angel: I can crush the life out of you before they even lift a finger.

Holland: Oh, I'm sure you can. Just as sure as I am that you won't.

Angel: Won't I?

Holland: You don't kill humans.

Angel: You don't qualify. You set things in motion, play your little games up here in your glass and chrome tower, and people die. Innocent people.

Holland: And yet I just can't seem to care. But you do. And while you're making threats, wasting time, crashing through windows, your girls are out painting the town red, red, red.

Drusilla: Ooh. I'm ringing. - Do you hear it? I'm ringing all over! [Darla grabs the phone from Drusilla's cleavage] Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.

Holland: Ladies. How...?

Darla: Your wife was kind enough to invite us in, Holland.

Holland: Ah.

Drusilla: Very sweet, she was. Like clover. [licking blood off her lips]

Drusilla: And honey.

Darla: Just think of it as our way of giving you what you want.

Holland: What would I...?

Darla: I believe you said something about...[Darla and Drusilla change faces]...a massacre.

Drusilla: You have beautiful skin.

Lilah: I moisturize.

Drusilla: That was very thoughtful of you.

[Darla steps up close to Holland]

Darla: You brought me back as human, a dying one at that, let me wallow with a soul, then sent me crawling back to Angel, begging him to restore me.

Holland: Which he should have done right away. But I miscalculated, I - I thought he cared more than he did.

Darla: Like you do.

[Darla giggles.]

Drusilla: Grandmum won't eat [lifts both hands up besides her head and opens and closes them a couple of times] the double speak."

Darla: No. No, she won't eat that.

Drusilla: I hear the sirens. They don't know if the world will be there in the morning.

Lilah: Do you hear the sirens? Are-are the police coming?

Lindsey: [Shakes his head.] No. She senses what this place was built for.

Holland: Ah, yes. Drusilla, you're quite right. This was originally a bomb shelter in the fifties. We had it converted. Wine has always been my passion.

[Darla giggles.]

Drusilla: People huddled together, crouching in fear.

Holland: Yes, yes. I imagine that's what it would have been like in a war.

Darla: No. Now. She means now.

Holland: Aha. [chuckles] I guess I stepped into that one. Listen Darla, I am sorry that you had to suffer, but look at what's come out of it. You've been restored. You're a superior being. You can have anything you want. And there's not a person in this room who won't work round the clock to see that you get it.

Darla: Gung ho, are they? Because all I'm sensing right now is big, stinky, fear. [smiles in Holland's face, then turns to Lindsey] But not from you. [walks over to him] Do you know what I'm getting from you, Lindsey? [leans in close to his neck as if to bite him, then pulls back] Nothing. Why aren't you afraid?

Lindsey: I don't know.

Darla: You could die here. Chances are you will.

Lindsey: I know.

Darla: And you don't care.

Lindsey: I care. I guess I just don't mind.

Holland: No one's going to die here. This is just a friendly get-together amongst colleagues. [Dru is dancing around Holland's back] We're all on the same side.

Darla: I love this room. Dru, honey, in our new digs we have to put in a people cellar.

[Holland smiles, but the smile fades quickly.]

[Angel arrives as Darla and Drusilla prepare to massacre a Wolfram & Hart office party]

Darla: Angelus- here for the tasting?

Drusilla: Look what we have for you. Oh- it's not Daddy. It's never Daddy. It's the Angel-beast.

Darla: Come to punish us?

Drusilla: Yeah, yeah. [lifts her hands as if they were tied above her head] Spank us till Tuesday. [growls] We promise to be bad if you do.

Holland: Angel....

Angel: [to Darla] I'm sorry I didn't get to you in time.

Darla: I'm not.

Drusilla: [caressing the side of her face] He's soul-sick. Not even thinking about his own family. [pulls one of the men over by his hair] Only thinking about them.

Darla: Come on, love. I never did get that good-bye kiss.

Angel: You will. But not tonight.

Lilah: For God's sake, help us!

Holland: Angel, please. People are going to die.

Angel: And yet, somehow, I just can't seem to care.

[Holland watches wide-eyed as Angel shuts the double doors on them; Darla turns to caress Holland with a big smile on her face]

Holland: Angel? P-please we can negotiate. We...

[Angel slides the lock on the door shut]

Drusilla: Daddy?

[Lindsey has a slight smile creasing his face. Darla pulls Holland down and bites him. Angel unhurriedly walks up the steps from the cellar, ignoring the screams and sounds of fighting coming from the cellar.]

Wesley: And you just walked away?

Angel: No, I walked to my car and then I drove away.

Gunn: You didn't do anything?

Wesley: You allowed Darla and Drusilla to have free reign.

Angel: I didn't bring either one of them into this. They did.

Wesley: You could have stopped them.

Angel: And I will.

Cordelia: When? After they've finished off all the people you don't like?

Wesley: Angel, while it's certainly true that these lawyers brought this on themselves, what you did is...

Cordelia: ...is wrong.

Gunn: You went too far.

Wesley: We've all been worried about you, and I guess it's fair to say we all share some of the blame. We should have spoken up sooner.

Gunn: And louder.

Cordelia: You have to change the way you've been doing things. Don't you see where this is taking you?

Wesley: Listen to her! Right now the three of us are all that's standing between you and real darkness.

Gunn: Best believe that, man.

Angel: I do. You're all fired.

[Angel gets up and walks away while the other three sit there like frozen statues.]

Redefinition

[Angel has just fired Cordelia, Gunn and Wesley]

Cordelia: What just happened? Can someone explain to me what just happened here?

Wesley: I believe we were fired.

Gunn: Canned.

Wesley: Let go.

Gunn: Axed.

Wesley: Shown the door.

Gunn: Booted.

Cordelia: All right! I get it. But... what just... happened?

Cordelia: One thing you can say about Angel: at least he's consistent! It's always some little blonde driving him over the edge! [sighs] What are we supposed to do now?

Gunn: I think I'll grab a burrito before I head home. [Wesley and Cordelia stare at him.] What?

Wesley: No, no, by all means, if you're hungry.

Gunn: Hey, this was just a side gig for me, all right? The extra cash was nice while it lasted but - [shrugs] Angel wants to go all commando? No skin off my nose.

Cordelia: Well my nose skin is angry. And hurt. And ...

Wesley: ... disappointed?

[Cordelia nods.]

Lilah: Oh, what's wrong, Lindsey? You bitter because your girlfriend didn't slit my throat?

Lindsey: That might be overstating it. More like bummed.

Gunn: Hey, I got a rep to maintain, all right? I can't have y'all seeing through my brusque and macho exterior.

Cordelia: Oh, heavens forbid!

Wesley: Well, how is the man supposed to run a business if his employees won't follow directives?

Gunn: Well, was one of his directives, "Hire pansy-ass British guys"?

Wesley: My arse is not pansy.

[...]

Wesley: Hypocrite!

Cordelia: Ass-pansy!

Lindsey: Lilah. Something happened?

Lilah: I can't do it anymore, Lindsey.

[Lilah slowly walks in. Lindsey drops his stuff and closes the door.]

Lindsey: Do what?

Lilah: The waiting. I'm sitting in my office and every time there is a noise or the phone rings... One of us is gonna die, Lindsey.

Lindsey: Everybody dies, Lilah.

Lilah: But not everybody ends up in a dog-food processing plant in San Pedro.

Lindsey: May not happen to you, Lilah. You got a fifty-fifty chance of surviving this thing, just like me.

Lilah: That's not good enough. There is a way out of this.

Lindsey: How?

Lilah: We don't wait for them to choose one of us, we choose each other instead. If we stick together we can beat them. We could leave, you and me, tonight. They'd have no choice...

Lindsey: No choice but to hunt us down, which they would.

Lilah: No. Not if we took files, as insurance.

Lindsey: Take files?

Lilah: Yes. Look. I've heard the rumors. We both know that it worked for you once before. You knew just what to take. And this time you won't have to assume any of the risk. You just tell me which files to steal and I'll get them. And then we can get out of here. End this mess together. Are you in?

[Lindsey strokes the side of Lilah's face and leans in as if to kiss her, while his hand slips down into her blouse and pulls out a wire.]

Lindsey: [speaking into the tiny microphone] But Lilah, I would never steal files from my employer. I'm shocked at the suggestion. [With a snort of laughter he retrieves his jacket, portfolio and keys.] Forget about the frame job, sweetheart. They're gonna kill who they're gonna kill. [Opens the door.] Just take it like a man.

[Lindsey blows her a kiss and leaves.]

Drusilla: Ten little soldiers, all in a line. A shot rings out... [slaps her hands together to make the sound of a shot] ...down to nine.

Darla: Ten? I'd be happy if we could find three who can hack it.

[Darla slides the door open and they walk in to see the floor littered with demon corpses and severed limbs and a pile of dust between them.]

Drusilla: Dead already? Bad soldiers!

[Darla looks around and sees Angel leaning against the hood of a dusty car, smoking a cigarette.]

Darla: [with a slight smile] I should have known.

Drusilla: [shakes her head] A shadow.

[Drusilla lifts her hand as if she is trying to wipe away a cobweb in front of her face, never taking her eyes off Angel.]

Darla: Why so far away, my love? Why don't you come over here and... stake me? [No reaction from Angel] Angel? [Angel, looking pretty beat up, continues to smoke his cigarette.] Angelus?

[Angel throws down his cigarette butt. It ignites a trail of gasoline. Darla and Drusilla look down at the flames, see them racing towards them in slow motion, and ignite the puddle of gasoline they're standing in. They scream as they begin to burn. Angel turns around to pick up his bag of weapons, revealing a can of gasoline sitting on the hood behind him, and walks out without looking back. Darla picks up a sledgehammer, leaning next to the door, runs outside and knocks the top of a fire hydrant off. She and Dru stand under the spray of water, letting it extinguish the flames, then sink down to sit on the edge of the sidewalk under it, with Darla holding Dru.]

Drusilla: I'm burning. Make it stop, please.

Darla: Shh. Shh. That wasn't Angel.

Drusilla: He's gone. He's all gone. Oh, it hurts! It hurts!

Darla: Wasn't Angelus either.

Drusilla: Darla, help me. Help me, please! Please. Please.

Darla: Who was that?

Lilah: Heard about the fire?

Lindsey: They're still alive.

Lilah: Undead.

Lindsey: Whatever.

Lilah: Heard it was Angel.

Lindsey: So?

Lilah: Killed a dozen demons, lit up Darla and Drusilla like a Christmas tree.

Lindsey: What is your point Lilah?

Lilah: Little grimmer than usual, don't you think?

Lindsey: Holland's vision lives on.

Lilah: Screw his vision. Anybody's going down in here, it's gonna be you.

Lindsey: If that's what it takes.

Hunt: [To Lilah and Lindsey] Sit down. I suppose you know why you're here. The Senior Partners have decided that this should be a time of grief and reflection. We will never be able to replace Holland Manners. He was a man of extraordinary talents. The bottom line is this leaves us with an opening in our roster. We need an executive vice-president of Special Projects. Mr. McDonald, your conduct with this firm had proved spotty at best. You've stolen files, co-operated with our enemy, disobeyed orders time and again. Mrs. Morgan...when you drove away the telekinetic Bethany Chaulk, you lost for us a powerful potential assassin. Not to mention the fact that both of you have been extremely negligent about informing us of visits from certain ladies who, lest we forget, ate the majority of our contracts department. The truth is that neither one of you are particularly qualified to run the special projects division. As for your relationship to one another: your competition has been vicious, destructive and...healthy. We think you keep each other on your toes. Which is why we have decided to appoint you both as joint acting co-vice-presidents until such time as we see fit to...narrow it down. Congratulations. This is a big step. The Senior Partners will be watching you.

Blood Money

[Angel pays Lilah a visit in her car.]

Angel: Lilah. I just had to drop by and congratulate you on your big promotion. Co-vice president of the special projects. Wow. That's super. You deserve it. Yeah. That and.. so much more.

Lilah: Angel...

Angel: But you know what the real special part is? To think that maybe in a small way I helped make it happen for you. Makes me feel all good inside.

Lindsey: How-how do you expect us to succeed when you handcuff us with these idiotic rules protecting Angel?

[Lilah casually edges a couple of steps away from Lindsey.]

Nathan: I'm sorry. Did you say something?

Lindsey: Angel is an obstacle to everything that we do. Give me one good reason why we can't just kill him!

[Nathan steps up close to Lindsey.]

Nathan: Because Angel is a major player.

Lilah: In business?

Nathan: In the apocalypse.

Lilah: Oh. That.

Nathan: The prophecies all agree that when the final battle is waged, he plays a key role.

Lindsey: Good for him.

Nathan: Which side he's on is the gray area, and we're gonna continue making it as gray as possible.

Lilah: Works for me.

Nathan: Until then, his growing obsession with the two of you, the increasing possibility that to scratch that itch, he'll go so far as to kill you... Well, that could actually play in the firm's favor.

[Lilah stares at him with a frown.]

Nathan:It would be a sign that Angel is on the path to joining our team. And as hard as it is to lose good attorneys, well the truth is - you are both expendable.

[Smiles at them, then turns dead serious.]

Nathan:Angel isn't.

[Anne has just received a large donation of money from Angel, some of which is stained]

Anne: What's this?

Angel: Blood.

[beat]

Anne: It'll wash.

Happy Anniversary

[Angel is roused from bed by someone belting out "The Star-Spangled Banner".]

Angel: Yes. Is there a reason you're here?

Lorne : There is. What's today? Thursday? Tomorrow night, the world's going to end. Thought you might wanna know.

[Wesley, Cordelia, and Gunn are huddled miserably in their derelict new office.]

Virginia: [entering with a basket] Hey, Wow! This place is great. I brought champagne. You guys must be so excited... [takes in their looks] in that really dry, suicidal way.

Wesley: [kisses her] Sorry, sweetheart. You just caught us in a moment of ... well ...

Cordelia: Reality.

Virginia: Oh, that. I avoid that.

Gunn: How do you avoid reality?

Virginia: Money. It cures everything but boredom. [holds up basket] And food cures boredom, so there you go. Imported chips and packets of cheese.

Gunn: Thanks.

Wesley: We'll enjoy them huddled around our pathetic candles.

Cordelia: We'll make pathetic nachos.

Virginia: You guys are really down.

Gunn: Yeah. And don't try to tell us there's no way to go but up, 'cause the truth is, there's always more down.

Gene Rainey: In Newton's world, space and time are separate entities. In Einstein's, they're entwined.

Val: "Einstein's — entwined." Can you say that ten times, really fast?

[Karaoke is Angel's only clue about the potential world-destroyer.]

Angel: Seventeen karaoke bars... you know, I need to lie down and scrub out the inside of my head.

[Lorne was telling Angel what he saw in the future of Gene Rainey, the physicist, when Gene was singing.]

Lorne : The most remarkable thing about him was that there was absolutely nothing remarkable about him at all.

Lorne : It's like a song, now I can hold a note for a long time, actually I can hold a note forever. But eventually that's just noise. It's the change we're listening for. The note coming after and the one after that, that's what makes it music.

The Thin Dead Line

Gunn: All right, here's the plan. I want y'all to roll the camera and wait for the cops to start hassling us.

Anne: How do you know they will?

Gunn: 'Cause we'll be the ones walking while black!

Reprise

Angel: What is 'it' and how do I stop it?

Lorne: I don't know and you don't.

Angel: Can it be killed?

Lorne: Most anything that can manifest in order to move in this dimension can be killed. Kinda the down side of being here. That and the so-called 'musicals' of Andrew Lloyd Webber. (With a sigh) The band of Blacknil. Don't ask me what it means. I don't know. I shouldn't even be giving you that much.

Cordelia: I don't even know what you are anymore.

Angel: I'm a vampire. Look it up!

Holland Manners: Congratulations. Great victory.

Angel: You're...

Holland: Holland Manners.

Angel: ...not alive.

Holland: Oh, no. I'm quite dead. [shows Angel the bite mark Darla left on his neck] Unfortunately my contract with Wolfram & Hart extends well beyond that. [smiles] Hop on in. You certainly earned it.

[Angel enters the elevator]

Holland: Well, this is exciting, isn't it? Going straight to the source. So what's the big plan, Angel? Destroy the Senior Partners, smash Wolfram & Hart once and for all?

Angel: Something like that.

Holland: Hmm, now tell me just what do you think that would accomplish? In the end, I mean.

Angel: It'll be–the end.

Holland: Well, the end of you, certainly. But I meant in the larger sense.

Angel: In the larger sense, I really don't give a crap.

Holland: Now, I don't think that's true. Be honest–you got the tiniest bit of "give a crap" left. Otherwise you wouldn't be going on this kamikaze mission. Now let me see, there was something in a sacred prophecy, some oblique reference to you. Something you're supposed to prevent. Now what was that?

Angel: The apocalypse.

Holland: Yes, the apocalypse, of course. Another one of those. Well, it's true, we do have one scheduled. And I imagine if you were to prevent it you would save a great many people. Well, you should do that then. Absolutely! I wasn't thinking. [smiles] Of course, all those people you save from that apocalypse would then have the next one to look forward to, but hey, it's always something, isn't it?

Angel: You're not gonna win.

Holland: Well...no. Of course we aren't. We have no intention of doing anything so prosaic as "winning". [laughs]

Angel: Then why?

Holland: Hmm? I'm sorry, why what?

Angel: Why fight?

Holland: That's really the question you should be asking yourself, isn't it? See, for us, there is no fight. Which is why winning doesn't enter into it. We...go on, no matter what. Our firm has always been here...in one form or another. The Inquisition. The Khmer Rouge. We were there when the very first cave man clubbed his neighbor. See, we're in the hearts and minds of every single living being. And that, friend, is what's making things so difficult for you. See, the world doesn't work in spite of evil, Angel. It works with us. It works because of us.

[elevator comes to a stop and the doors open, revealing Los Angeles]

Holland: Welcome to the home office.

Angel: This isn't...

Holland: Oh, you know it is. You know that better than anyone. Things you've seen. Things you've–well, done. You see, if there wasn't evil in every single one of them out there–why, they wouldn't be people. They'd all be angels.

[Angel slowly walks out of the elevator]

Holland: Have a nice day.

Angel: What do you want, Darla?

[Holds up the ring and looks over his shoulder.]

Angel: You want this?

[He drops the ring on the floor and Darla hurries over to pick it up. Before she can, Angel grabs her arm and sends her stumbling towards the wall.]

Angel: Or maybe what you really want is this!

[Pushes her up against the wall and gently brushes the hair back from her face.]

Angel: That may be what you really want, isn't it?

[Kisses her softly, then, when she doesn't react, a little harder. Darla pushes him away.]

Darla: Don't play games with me.

Angel: I'm not playing. I just wanna feel something besides the cold.

[Pushes her back onto a table, lowers himself on top of her and kisses her again. Darla reaches up and pushes his jacket off his shoulders, kissing him back. Angel strips off his jacket with her help, still kissing her. Suddenly Darla begins to laugh and Angel pulls back the same time she pushes him and gets up.]

Angel: Why're you laughing?

[Darla continues to laugh, not answering him, and Angel hits her, sending her crashing through the glass doors leading to his bedroom. Angel slowly walks after her as she rolls over and looks up at him.]

Angel: Don't you feel the cold?

[Angel grabs her by the shoulders and pulls her up.]

Darla: What're you doing?

Angel: It doesn't matter.

[Strokes the side of her face.]

Angel: None of it matters.

[He kisses her again and she responds. They fall back onto the bed and strip off each other's clothes.]

Epiphany

Angel: Oh, God.

Darla: Don't fight it, my love. Just let it happen. It'll only hurt for a minute.

Angel: Oh, God. Oh, God.

Darla: Yes. Yes, I know. It was the same for me. The soul is gone, but it leaves a bitterness. It'll pass. What you need is a fresh kill. Hot human blood will wash away the foul memory of it. I promise. What? What is it?

Angel: You saved me.

Darla: Yes. But I was going to kill you tonight. Take you out of this world, the same way I brought you into it. But I didn't have to. You gave yourself over so completely, Angelus. I felt you surrender.

Angel: I gave you everything I had left.

Darla: Yes.

Angel: I'm so sorry.

Darla: You don't have to be.

Angel: But I am. I am sorry.

Darla: What?

Angel: I'm sorry Darla.

Darla: [Realizes] No!

Angel: You saved me. Sorry I couldn't do the same for you.

Darla: Let go of me! You still have a soul!

Angel: [To Darla] Get dressed and get out! Because the next time I see you, I will kill you.

Lindsey: Darla... I've been calling here all night. Why haven't you answered? [He drops his stuff and walks over to the window drawing the curtains closed.] Get away from the window. It's not safe. [Stands close behind her.] They called an emergency meeting tonight after what happened. The official order on you is to stake on sight. [Darla walks past him. Sits down on a chair and looks at something in her hands.] You should have told me what you had planned. I would have talked you out of it helped you. I don't know. [He closes the rest of the curtains, walks over to Darla.] Things are getting complicated for us now.

Darla: Yes. Yes, I believe they are.

Lindsey: We should probably clear your stuff out of here. Move in my bedroom. I just think it'd be best for us... [Darla is still looking at her hands, twisting the big ring Angel killed the Senior Partner for between her fingers.] Darla, what's wrong? [Sees the ring.] What is this? [Takes it from her.] Where did you get this?

Darla: What's the difference? Doesn't work anyway.

Lindsey: No, of course it doesn't work, because after Angel stole it there was a disenchanting ceremony. It took half the meeting. How did you get this?

Darla: It was my payment.

Lindsey: Your payment? What are you talking about?

Darla: What do you think I'm talking about, Lindsey?

Lindsey: I don't know! [She just looks at him and after a beat he turns away. Stares down at the ring then back at her with a frown.] What happened?

Darla: Nothing. Nothing happened. My god, nothing at all.

Lindsey: Tell me. I have to know.

Darla: You want details, Lindsey? Is that what you want?

Lindsey: Yes. I want details. I need to know everything. All of it. What did he do to you?

[There's a knock at Lorne's door.]

Lorne: Jeez, keep your pants on! [opens to reveal Angel, who just had sex with Darla] Well, I see we're a little late with that advice.

Gunn: Where's Cordy?

Wesley: We don't know. Not here.

Gunn: You check her pad?

Angel: I stopped by there earlier.

Gunn: You enjoying your visit to 1973? I meant her message pad.

Angel: Oh right, that's a good idea. [Picks up a pencil] Oh, here. Use this you can make a rubbing of the impressions she left, see what the last thing was that she wrote.

Gunn: Or we could just read the carbon.

Angel: [Drops the pencil] Or you can do that.

Angel: Guys, guys. Does it make sense that she would go there in the middle of the night, without calling either one of you?

Wesley and Gunn: They owe us money.

Angel: Let's go.

Gunn: So you had an epiphany, did you?

Angel: Yeah.

Gunn: So ... what? You just wake up, and 'bang'?

Angel: Sort of the other way around.

Kate: I feel like such an idiot.

Angel: A lot of that going around.

Kate: I just couldn't ... My whole life has been about being a cop. If I'm not a part of the force, it's like nothing I do means anything.

Angel: It doesn't.

Kate: Doesn't what?

Angel: Mean anything. In the greater scheme, in the big picture, nothing we do matters. There's no grand plan, no big win.

Kate: You seem kind of chipper about that.

Angel: Well ... I guess I kind of worked it out. If there's no great glorious end to all this, if ... nothing we do matters ... then all that matters is what we do. 'Cause that's all there is. What we do. Now. Today. I fought for so long for redemption, for a reward, finally, just to beat the other guy. But I never got it.

Kate: Now you do?

Angel: Not all of it. All I want to do is help. I want to help because I don't think people should suffer as they do, because if there's no bigger meaning, then the smallest act of kindness is the greatest thing in the world.

Kate: Yikes. Sounds like you've had an epiphany.

Angel: That's what I keep saying, but nobody's listening.

Disharmony

Angel: Man, atonement's a bitch.

Willow: [on the phone to Cordelia] Okay, we are clear on the fact that Harmony's a vampire, right?

Cordelia: Ohhh! Harmony's a vampire! That's why she- Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed. All this time I thought she was a great big lesbo. [Pauses, most likely listening to Willow's news that she is in a relationship with a girl] Oh... good for you then.

Wesley: Well, I'm unaware of any red bird statuary in downtown Los Angeles, so unless you are I suggest.. [Harmony pops another bubble] *someone* put a *stake* through that woman's heart if she persists in popping her bloody chewing gum!

Cordelia: Harmony, do me a favor, lose the gum.

Harmony: Okay, okay! Sorry. I thought it would help with the cravings.

[Rips a page out of the book Wesley was looking at earlier and spits her gum into it.]

Harmony: I mean, you'd think I'd get a thank you for not biting any of you.

[Wesley snatches the crumpled page from her.]

Wesley: *What* are you doing!?! This book is twelve centuries old!

Harmony: Okay. So it's not like I messed up a new one.

[Angel pours Harmony some blood.]

Angel: Here we go. That's it. Drink up.

Harmony: Eww! Yech! It tastes funky.

Angel: It's pig's blood.

Harmony: Ugh, well, that's gonna go straight to my hips. [Sighs] How do you stand this?

Angel: You get used to it.

Harmony: I mean how do you stand everything? Being what you are, how can you deprive yourself of the taste? The sensation of rich, warm, human blood flowing into your mouth, bathing your tongue, caressing your throat with its sweet, sticky...

[Harmony's word picture is taking Angel to happy place.]

Gunn: [entering] I'm back!

Angel: Me too.

Cordelia: Come on, Harm.

Wesley: Such a fitting nickname.

Wesley: Time and space. Those are the only solutions in a situation like this. And as long as we understand that, the healing process...

[Cordelia screams in the next room. She comes in holding clothes, ecstatically happy.]

Cordelia: Oh my God! These are gorgeous! You have the most amazing taste, like a gay man's taste and thats saying a lot. I love them so much! [hugs and kisses Angel] Thank you, thank you, you're the best. I have to go try these on. La la la! [Jumping with happiness] New clothes. I have new clothes.

Angel: [To an annoyed Wesley] I got her new clothes.

Dead End

Lilah: Could you stab me in the back a little deeper? I still have feeling in my legs.

Angel: Keep the change.

Delivery Man: Wow, a whole dollar just for me. I'm the luckiest delivery man ever.

Gunn: We're at a dead end.

Wesley: I thought we had more than that.

Angel: There's only one thing we can do now.

Cordelia: Oh, God. Oh no.

Wesley: The karaoke bar.

Gunn: Angel's gonna sing?

Cordelia: Isn't there some other way?

Wesley: There has to be. Think, dammit!

Angel: Hey! Wha ...

Angel: What is that? Rock? Country? Ballad? Pick a style, pal.

Wesley: Shh.

Lorne: Angel cakes! Don't make me ask you to leave.

Lindsey: Look, I need help.

Angel: I'll say. You might want to start with his singing. [Laughs.]

[Cordelia slaps the back of her hand against Angel's chest and steps up to Lindsey.]

Cordelia: Hi. You probably don't remember me. Cordelia. I know you're evil - and everything, but that was just so amazing.

Gunn: That was kind of tight.

Wesley: Terrific, really.

Angel: Is everyone drunk?

Lindsey: What are you doing here?

Angel: Gee, I don't know, saving your life.

Lindsey: I don't need you to save my life.

Angel: Gee, a little gratitude, Lindsey, goes a long way.

Lindsey: You got no business. Why? Why aren't you trying to kill me?

Angel: Excuse me, I'm on a case here, Lindsey. Does everything have to be about killing you all the time?

Parole Officer: I can see that you guys got issues. I'll just- [Angel chokes him]

Lindsey: That is my lead. You are choking my lead.

Angel: He's my lead, he's my lead. What are we, in the schoolyard here? Look, if you want to get to the bottom of this, you gotta learn how to play with others. [to P.O.] Okay look, I'm gonna loosen the rope and you're gonna tell me all about your parolee Bradley Scott.

Lindsey: Who?

Angel: The guy whose hand you're wearing. You might want to listen up.

Lindsey: You don't tell me what to do.

Angel: He's so immature.

Lindsey: Shut up!

Angel: [to P.O.] We're waiting.

Parole Officer: I'm not telling you zip. You can kill me but Wolfram and Hart will do a lot worse.

Angel: Kill you? Why would I kill you...[morphs into vamp-face]...when I could live off you for a month?

[The guy looks back at Angel and yells as he sees his changed face; Angel pats his face as Lindsey grimaces]

Angel: Hmm, can't you just taste that butter fat? [Grins at Lindsey]

Lindsey: You are really gross, you know that?

Nathan: These re-evaluations are always a bit of a mixed blessing. Sad as we lose one of our own, but also hopeful as we turn towards the future and promote one of our own. Lilah, you have made a lot of great contributions and I know you have tried your very, very best...

Lilah: No! [she scrabbles for her purse, but Lindsey puts his hands over hers]

Lindsey: Lilah. Please. [she stops and looks at him] They chose me. I'm clearly the guy.

Nathan: Yes, you are.

Lindsey: You could've had it. But you didn't have what it takes...

[Lindsey raises his right hand up and Lilah jumps, letting out a little scream as he wriggles his fingers]

Lindsey: ...an evil hand. I mean, come on. Who here does, huh? Leon doesn't. Charlie doesn't. You do know you gave me an evil hand, right? I've been writing "kill, kill, kill" on everything. It's crazy. It's crazy! Anything could happen!

Nathan: [signaling security guard] Allen?

Lindsey: Allen, how are you? [punches him and steals his gun] Uh-oh! [shoots Allen in the foot] Oh, that's gonna hurt in the morning. Stop it, evil hand, stop it! I just can't control my evil hand. Nathan, I'm so proud that you chose me. [rubs a co-worker's hair] Charlie! If I'd been in your shoes, I would've chosen Lilah. Let me tell you why. Do you have any idea of the hours this chick has logged in? Huh? The files she has on you guys? Deep stuff. Ronnie, your stock manipulations; Nathan's little offshore accounts. Can you imagine if something were to happen to this girl, and those files got back to the Senior Partners? They'd eat you alive! She's been working overtime, boys. She's everything you ever dreamed of. Lilah is your guy. Me, I'm unreliable; I've got these evil hand issues. And I'm bored with this crap. And besides, I'm leaving, so if you wanna chase me, be my guest. But remember- [holds up his hand] evil. Good luck. [gooses Lilah passing her and holds up his hand] Evil!

Angel: I'm just here to say bon voyage and don't come back.

Lindsey: To L.A.? Nah, you can have this place.

Angel: Good, I'm glad I didn't have to do something immature here.

Lindsey: The key to Wolfram & Hart- don't let them make you play their game. You gotta make them play yours.

Angel: Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. Don't drive too fast. Lot of cops out there. [Lindsey drives away with a "Cops Suck" sign on the back of his truck]

Belonging

Angel: I 'm not cheap, I-I'm just old. (Slipping into a slight Irish accent) I-I remember when a few bob got you a good meal, a bottle *and* a tavern wench. - You were saying?"

[Wesley and Angel just came back from fighting a Haklar.]

Cordelia: How was the big fight? All big and fighty?

Wesley: We managed to kill the Haklar just as it was about to devour a group of power walkers.

Angel: It was horrible.

Cordelia: I know. I saw it in my stupid vision, remember?

Angel: No, not the Haklar, the power walkers. I mean, walking I get, but power walking? Why not just run for a shorter time?

[Cordelia looks at Angel strangely.]

Angel: Weird. Plus, one of them hit him. [Points to Wesley, whose forehead is injured.]

Cordelia: [gasps] A power walker did that?

Wesley: Apparently, she felt I'd disrespected the Haklar's culture by killing it.

Cordelia: This town sucks.

[Lorne startles a woman in the library.]

Claire: You.. You're.. here for the children's reading program.

Lorne: Yes. Yes I am.

Claire: It's not until tomorrow morning.

Lorne: I know. I never perform without checking out the space first. Get a feel for the room.

Claire: Oh. Well. The kids will flip over your costume. It looks so authentic.

Lorne: Thank you.

Claire: Except for the horns. But those are probably hard to fake.

Lorne: If you only knew.

Over the Rainbow

Angel: I don't wanna research, alright? I wanna jump through the big swirly hole thingy and save Cordelia!

Wesley: We might never be able to get back!

Angel: [quietly] It's Cordy.

[After a beat Wesley nods and steps back.]

Angel: Krv Drpglr pwlz...

Lorne: Oh, crap.

Angel: ...chkwrt strplmt dwghzn prqlrzn lffrmtplzt.

[Nothing happens.]

Angel: Maybe I have to be standing where the portal opens.

[Lorne peeks over the bar than disappears again as Angel walks up on the stage and starts over.]

Angel: Krv Drpglr pwlz chkwrt strplmt dwghzn prqlrzn lffrmtplzt!

[Wesley sits down slowly as again nothing happens.]

Angel: What, is it - out of batteries? [Holds up the book and turns to face Lorne.] Is this thing out of batteries?!?

[...]

Wesley: There's obviously not going to be any big swirly hole jumping without a big swirly hole.

Lorne: Hmm, tough decision. Poor kid. But I'm right there with him.

Angel: Yeah. Me too, I guess.

Lorne: No, I mean about the not going part. You do know I'm not going, right?

Angel: What? - But it's your world. We need a guide.

Lorne: Remember when I said that I loved this dimension and I'm never, never, never gonna leave? Well, exactly which "never" did you not understand?

Lorne: They need the hotspot because they're going to Pylea, my home dimension.

Agnes: And you're not going with them?

Lorne: Hey. I'd rather have a hydrochloric acid facial. I'd rather invite a hive of wasps to nest in my throat. I'd rather sit through a junior highschool production of "Cats". You see where I'm going with this?

Agnes: Not Pylea?

Lorne: Exactomundo.

Wesley: I suppose I could try a binding spell of some kind. Something to fuse us together as we enter the portal.

Angel: Good. Let's do that. Let's-

Wesley: However, we could emerge on the other side as a freakishly hybridized Siamese twin.

Angel: ...Keep looking?

Angel: Who do we know who has handcuffs?

Wesley: Well, I [pauses, as he was about to say, "do"] ...wouldn't know.

Park: I'm Gavin Park. This is my associate, Mr. Hayes. We represent Wolfram and-

Angel: Already bored.

Lorne: How you holding up?

Angel: Oh, I want to go bad. I'm just waiting for Wes to have that Eureka moment.

Wesley: [from the other room] EUREKA!

Angel: Jeez. Oh, thank god.

Lorne: You mean he actually really says Eureka?

Angel: Hand me a blanket! I'm gonna catch on fire!

[Wesley hands him a blanket but instead of taking it, Angel looks down at his hands, then around himself.]

Angel: Why am I not on fire?

Angel: Ha! I'm not on fire.

Wesley: And we're together. And we didn't merge into some freakish, four-men Siamese twin!

Gunn: That was a risk?!? How come nobody told me that was a risk??

Angel: Can everyone just notice how much fire I'm not on?

Angel: Let's start gathering some branches, some brush. Anything to cover up the car. Oh, hey, look. There's some over in that patch of sun. I'll get 'em!

Angel: No problem here, walking in the sun. Hey, do it all the time.

Wesley: Yes, we're all heartily aware that you're not on fire.

Lorne: Just remember, keep your head down. Xenophobia, kind of a watchword where I'm from.

Gunn: I don't get it. Why are they afraid of Xena? I mean, I think she's kinda fly.

Wesley: Xenophobia. Fear of foreigners.

Gunn: Oh. Can we forget I just said that?

Through the Looking Glass

[In Pylea, Angel tries to reason with an escaped slave from earth's dimension.]

Fred: Can't get back. There is no back.

Angel: No, there is. If we can open the portal....

Fred: The portal! She fell through the portal!

Angel: Who did?

Fred: That other girl. I couldn't save her. I was arrested. They got her. She's a slave. She'll die!

Angel: Oh, Cordy. No, she's fine. They made her a princess.

Fred: They… really? Oh. When I got here they… they didn't do that. Well. That's nice for her.

Lorne: Say mom, when I disappeared, did you notice anything... odd?

Lorne's mother: We noticed much feasting and celebration. Your brother Numfar performed the dance of joy for three moons. [shouts to a boy in the background] Numfar! Do the dance of joy.

Lorne: Well, you're just a regular Hans Christian Tarantino, aren't you?

[Wesley and Gunn have been captured and are about to be executed .]

Gunn: I've got a plan.

Wesley: Oh thank god! What is it?

Gunn: We die horribly and painfully. You go to hell, and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus.

Cordelia: Off with their heads!...kidding!

There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb

Fred: Bad things always happen here.

Gunn: Those men you sent to create a diversion are going to get killed.

Wesley: Yes, they are. [pause] You try not to get anybody killed, you wind up getting everybody killed.

[As Angel and the Groosalugg battle, Cordelia steps between them]

Cordelia: Stop! I love him!

Angel: You love me?

Cordelia: Not you, dumb-ass! Him!

Angel: [quietly] I mean, as a friend, and co-worker...

Cordelia: [to Groosalug] You're in charge now. And you've got a long road ahead. Slavery has ended, but reconstruction has just begun.

Groo: What is this "reconstruction?"

Cordelia: Gunn, you wanna field this?

Gunn: It means, saying people are free, don't make em free. You've got races that hate each other. You got some folks getting work they don't want, others losing the little they had. You're looking at social confusion, economic depression and probably some riots. Good luck.

Cordelia: You'll do fine.

Groo: It worries me...but not as much as- do you have to go, Majesty?

Cordelia: I don't want to. I'm really gonna miss your eyes, and the "Majesty" thing. But I have a job to do back home. It was really fun being your princess. [kisses him]

Crowd: [bowing as Cordelia walks by] Your Majesty.

Wesley: Should people be bowing in a free society?

Cordelia: These things take time.

[Angel and co. come back from Pylea and find Willow sitting at the Hyperion Hotel with a sad and serious look on her face]

Fred: Are-are you sure about that?

Cordelia: Trust me. Tacos everywhere. And soap.

Gunn: Yo, that portal-jumping is a fun ride. We sell it to a theme park, we could get paid.

Angel: Okay, can I say it? I wanna say it.

Wesley. Say what?

Angel: There's no place like-- Willow?

Cordelia: What's...?

Angel: It's Buffy.