Angel (season 1)

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Angel (1999–2004) was an American TV show, created by Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt and airing on The WB, about the ongoing trials of Angel, a vampire whose human soul was restored to him by gypsies as a punishment for the murder of one of their own. After more than a century of murder and the torture of innocents, Angel's restored soul torments him with guilt and remorse. It was a spinoff of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

City Of

Doyle: [On Angel's home] Well, I like the place. Not much with the view, but it's got a nice Batcave sort of an air to it.

Angel: Who are you?

Doyle: Doyle.

Angel: You don't smell human.

Doyle: Well, that's a bit rude. As it happens, I'm very much human. [sneezes and sighs] On my mother's side. Well, I come in uninvited, so, you know I'm not a vampire like yourself.

Angel: What do you want?

Doyle: I've been sent. By the Powers That Be.

Angel: The Powers That Be what?

Doyle: Let me tell you a little bedtime story.

Angel: But I'm not sleepy.

Doyle: Once upon a time, there was a vampire. And he was the meanest vampire in all the land. I mean, other vampires were afraid of him, he was such a bastard. Then, one day, he's cursed, by gypsies. They restore his human soul. And all of a sudden, he's mad with guilt. You know, "What have I done..." You know, he's freaked.

Angel: [sighs] Okay. Now I'm sleepy.

Doyle: Yeah, well, it's a fairly dull tale. It needs a bit of sex, is my feeling. So, sure enough, enters a girl. Pretty little blonde thing. Vampire Slayer by trade. And our vampire falls madly in love with her. But eventually the two of them, well, they get fleshy with one another. And the moment he-- well, I guess the technical term is "Perfect Happiness". But when our boy gets there, he goes bad again, he kills again. It's ugly. So when he gets his soul back for the second time, he figures, hey, he can't be anywhere near young Miss Puppy-Eyes without endangering them both. So, what does he do? He takes off, goes to L.A. To fight evil and atone for his crimes. He's a shadow, a faceless champion of the hapless human race. Say, you wouldn't have a beer of any kind here, would you?

Doyle: It's about showing people there's still love and hope in the world.

Homeless Woman: Spare change?

Doyle: Get a job, you lazy sow.

[Angel bumps into Sunnydale acquaintance Cordelia at a Hollywood party.]

Cordelia: So, um, are you still... 'Grrr'?

Angel: Yeah. There's not actually a cure for that.

[An offer of help from a wealthy admirer has moved Cordelia to tears.]

Cordelia: Oh, God, I'm sorry! I'm getting all weepy in front of you. I probably look really scary. I finally get invited to a nice place... with no mirrors, and... lots of curtains... Hey! You're a vampire!

Russell Winters: What? No, I'm not.

Cordelia: Are too!

Russell: I don't know what you're talking about.

Cordelia: I'm from Sunnydale — we had our own Hellmouth! I think I know a vampire when I... am... alone with him... in his fortress-like home. And, you know? I think I'm just feeling a little light-headed from hunger. I'm just wacky! And kidding!! Ha, ha!...

Russell: Truth is, I'm glad you know. It means we can skip the formalities.

Russell: Angel. We do things a certain way in L.A.

Angel: Well, I'm new here.

Russell: But you're a civilized man. We don't have to go aroung attacking each other. Look at me. I pay my taxes, I keep my name out of the paper, and I don't make waves. And in return, I can do anything I want.

Angel: Really?

Russell: Mmm.

[Angel puts his foot on Russell's chair and whispers]

Angel: Hmm. Can you fly? [proceeds to kick Russell out the window. Russell becomes dust. Angel turns and walks away, slipping Lindsey's business card in Lindsey's pocket] Hmm. Guess not.

Lonely Heart

Doyle: They're messages I get... you know, from the higher powers, whoever they may be. You know ... it's my gift!

Cordelia: If that was my gift, I'd return it. I mean, you get those headaches, and you do this 'bleh' thing with your face.

Doyle: [grimacing] What thing with my face?

Cordelia: Plus, your visions are kind of lame. A bar? That's nice and vague. I mean, they should send you one of those self-destructing tapes, you know? That comes with a dossier?

Cordelia: I'm an actress, a student of the human animal. I don't need to talk to people to know their story. [scans and points] Jazz-hands over there? Mama's boy. Peter Pan complex. [points again] Self-absorbed closet-deb, with a big 'the world owes me' chip on her shoulder. [points at Sharon leading Kevin up the stairs] And check out 'Sarah, Plain and Tall.' Has, or comes from, big money.

Doyle: How do you know all that?

Cordelia: Well, you've got to be rich to snag the Calvin Klein model she's leaving with.

Doyle: Yeah, well, they're all riveting insights and such, but we need to find someone that's in trouble?

Angel: So what are you looking for?

Kate: Me? I guess it depends on how many daiquiris I've had. Wow, way to come off as a drunken slut.

[Doyle finds a bra in Cordelia's messy living room and holds it up.]

Cordelia: Oh, that is so high school. "Ooh-ooh! Cordelia wears bras! She has girl parts!"

Angel: I know you guys have been working hard. I mean, you've been cooped up inside a lot. And to show my appreciation, I was thinking, the night being... you know... young and all, that the three of us could, well... should... you know... maybe, go out... ... you know... ... ... for fun.

Cordelia: Or we can go home.

Doyle: And you can sit in the dark alone.

Angel: God yes. Thank you.

In the Dark

[Angel has just saved Rachel from a violently abusive boyfriend, while Spike watches — and narrates — from the rooftop.]

Spike [as Rachel, falsetto]: How can I thank you, you mysterious, black-clad, hunk of a night thing?

Spike [as Angel, basso]: No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad-ass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. [Rachel sways closer to Angel; he steps back, warding her off with his hands.] No, not the hair! Never the hair!

Spike [as Rachel]: But there must be some way I can show my appreciation.

Spike [as Angel]: No, helping those in need's my job. And working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough!

Spike [as Rachel]: I understand. I have a nephew who's gay, so...

Spike [as Angel]: Ah. Say no more. Evil's still afoot ... and I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair gel that I like so much. Quickly! To the Angelmobile — AWAY! [Rachel and Angel leave. Spike lights a cigarette.]

Spike [as Spike]: Go on. Play the big, strapping hero while you can. You have a few surprises coming your way—the Ring of Amarra, a visit from your old pal Spike, and—oh, yeah—your gruesome, horrible death.

Angel: You might as well go home, Spike. The Gem of Amarra stays with me.

Spike: Why? Because you're 'Angel, Vamp Detective' now? I'm so scared. What's next? Vampire Cowboy? Vampire Fireman? Oh, Vampire Ballerina!

Angel: I do like to work with my legs.

Doyle: I'm still going to go celebrate with a drink down in the pub.

Cordelia: He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink down in the pub.

[Doyle is suffering from a severe hangover.]

Doyle: Oh, God... You know what would feel really good right now? One of those mind-numbing, head-cracking visions that I get from time to time... because that would really kill me. What, is there some trick to this?

Cordelia: [takes the aspirin bottle away from Doyle and dispenses three tablets] I think the 'trick' is laying off the ale before you start quoting Angela's Ashes and weeping like a baby-man.

Doyle: Hey, that's a good book.

Cordelia: So I've heard. But I doubt very much that the main characters are Betty and Barney Rubble, as you so vehemently insisted last night. Also? I don't think Oz appreciated being called "my little Bamm-Bamm" all night.

Spike: It's called Addiction, Angel. We all have them. I believe yours is called Slutty the Vampire Slayer.

I Fall to Pieces

Angel: Am I intimidating? I mean, do I put people off?

Cordelia: Well, as vampires go, you're pretty cuddly. Maybe you might want to think about mixing up the black-on-black a little, though.

Kate: Wolfram & Hart. They're the law firm that Johnnie Cochran is too ethical to join.

Cordelia: I know Angel's been working day and night to help people fight their personal demons, but I need a raise.

Doyle: A raise? You've been working for him for, what, like, twenty minutes?

Cordelia: A month. And I have needs.

Doyle: Needs.

Cordelia: A person, needs certain... designer... things.

[Cordelia and Doyle are waiting to ask Angel (again) to charge for their cases.]

Cordelia: We have to stand up to him.

Doyle: Yeah, we're standing up. [They stand up.]

Cordelia: We'll just wait until he has his coffee. [Angel enters.]

Angel: Good morning.

Cordelia: Morning.

Doyle: Morning. [Angel pours himself a cup of coffee, sips, and makes a disgusted face.]

Angel: Ehhh. What is this?

Cordelia: Last week's coffee. Think of it as espresso.

Angel: [supresses gag] I think my esophagus is melting.

Cordelia: [to Doyle] You're a lot smarter than you look. Of course, you look like a retard.

Cordelia: What is stalking today like the third most popular sport among men?

Angel: 'Fourth, after luge

Rm w/a Vu

[Cordelia has been bemoaning her miserable life.]

Doyle: Well, I don't know if I can help with the acting, but about the apartment?

Cordelia: What?

Doyle: If you ever wanna, you know, spend one night away from the place? Maybe give me a call.

Cordelia: Well, stranger things have happened. No, wait—they really haven't. [Cordelia leaves and Doyle sits down in Angel's office.]

Doyle: She's really something, isn't she? It's like wrestling a tiger just to get to know her. Tell me stuff.

Angel: What stuff?

Doyle: About Cordelia.

Angel: Well, I... I know she can't type or file. Until today I had some hope regarding the phone.

Doyle: Who's Aura?

Angel: I think she's one of Cordelia's group. People called them the Cordettes. Bunch of girls from wealthy families. They ruled the high school, decided what was in, who was popular. It was like the Soviet Secret Police, if they cared a lot about shoes.

Cordelia: [voicemail] Angel Investigations? We help the hopeless. If that's you, leave a message.

[Still dripping, Angel juggles a stack of Cordelia's luggage.]

Cordelia: Get this. I tried to call Doyle—I have sunk that low—and there was no answer. So here I am. Not that you were the last resort, it's just that I had nowhere else left to go. Roaches! Live ones, dead ones, all skinny feet and creepy antlers.

Angel: Antlers?

Cordelia: Oh my God, I wonder how many stowed away in that bag! Also? The water is all brown and spurty and not hot! I am dying for a shower. I actually smell. Smell me. I never smell. I didn't know I could. I'm just going to have to stay here until I find a decent place—however long that takes. And when I do, you're completely invited over. Hey, you can just dump my stuff on your couch. Or let me have the bed... whatever you feel good about. Also, my suitcase is still out in the hall.

[Doyle is horrified to find Cordelia staying over at Angel's place.]

Doyle: No... no-no-no-no! Angel, man, how could you?

Angel: How could I what?

Doyle: You knew I was crazy about her—and I was wearing her down, too. But no—handsome, brooding, vampire guy has to swoop in, all sensitive mouth and overhanging forehead! How about leaving some scraps for the homely-looking fellas who don't turn evil when they get some?

Angel: Cordelia stayed over because there's something wrong with her place. I was on the sofa.

Doyle: Oh. That's okay, I suppose.

Cordelia: [looking at apartment] Oh, my gosh. Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?

Doyle: [looking at Cordelia] Nope. Never.

[Kate checks police archives for past murders in Cordelia's apartment.]

Kate: Now you’re talking like a detective.

Angel: I am a detective.

Kate: Well, you see, the thing about detectives is, they have résumés. And business licenses. And last names. Pop stars and popes — those are the one-name guys.

Angel: You got me. I’m a pope.

Doyle: Cordy it says die!

Maude: You'd better be sorry, you stupid little bitch.

Cordelia: [stopping crying and looking slowly up at Maude] I’m a bitch.

Maude: Take off the bed sheets, make a noose. Go on. It’ll all be over soon.

Cordelia: [getting up] I’m not a sniveling, whiny little Cry-Buffy. I’m the nastiest girl in Sunnydale history. I take crap from no one.

Maude: You are going to make yourself a noose and put it around--

Cordelia: Back off, Polygrip. You think you’re bad? All mean and haunty? Picking on poor pathetic Cordy? Well, get ready to haul your wrinkly, translucent ass out of this place, because lady, the bitch is back.

Maude: Do you think I'm going to take that from trash like you?

Cordelia: I'll tell you what I think. I think you're gonna pack your little ghost bags, and get the hell out of my house!

Maude: [shrieks]

Cordelia: [on the phone in her new apartment] God, Aura, I can't believe I miss your calls. It's that incompetent girl at work. But things are going great. Well, my new apartment for one thing. Celebrities are practically on top of me. Oh, Steve Paymer. That's Dave Paymer's brother, lives right down the hall. Oh, you'd know him if you saw him. And my view, it's amazing. Yeah, I have a roommate, but it's cool, I never see him. [Her can of diet root beer slides away from her on the sofa table and she puts her hand over the receiver.] Hey, hey. Phantom Dennis, put that back. [Can slides back and to Aura.] All in all, it's working out great. [the TV turns on and Cordelia covers up the receiver again] Dennis, when I'm on the phone, that's quiet time. [TV turns off] Thanks. Sorry. So, where were we? Tell me who's wearing what in Sunnydale. No. Well, she never did have any taste. [laughing] She's so nasty. [laughs]

Sense & Sensitivity

[Angel has just finished off a tentacled monstrosity in the sewer.]

Angel: Make sure you cut off all the limbs and both heads this time. Remember to bury the parts separately. [tosses sword to Doyle] I don't want this thing coming back to life again.

Cordelia: That's it?

Angel: I'm gonna go clean out the nest. I'll see you back at the office. [he leaves]

Cordelia: Okay, am I wrong in thinking that a "please" and "thank you" is generally considered good form when requesting a dismemberment?

Doyle: He appreciates us, in his own... unappreciative way.

Doyle: So, you were right. Papazian's planning something.

Angel: What'd ya hear?

Doyle: Papazian's planning something.

Angel: That's it?

Doyle: Johnny Red says, quote, 'Papazian's planning something.'

Angel: Huh. I thought he might be planning something.

Doyle: See? You were right.

Kate: Boy, I'm scared. And excited. And consumed with dread. And glad you're here.

Angel: I doubt even one of Little Tony's hired guns would try something in a roomful of cops.

Kate: What? Oh, that death-threat hanging overhead. No, I meant speaking in public. [starts across room toward her father]

Angel: What's that old saw? Picture your audience in their underwear?

Kate: [distractedly looks Angel up and down] Way ahead of you. [Angel catches up just as Kate stops in front of her father and kisses his cheek.] Happy retirement, Daddy.

Trevor: Who's this?

Kate: This is Angel, he's a friend. Angel, this is my father.

Angel: Hello, Mr. Lockley. [they shake] Congratulations.

Trevor: For what? All I did was live this long and not get shot.

Kate: Why do you do that?

Trevor: Do what?

Kate: Pretend important things don't matter.

Trevor: [eyes on Kate] So. Angel. [looks at Angel] How long you been seeing Katie?

Angel: We're, ahh, we're pretty new friends.

Trevor: Well, good to see her out with a man. I was starting to wonder if she didn't lean in another direction altogether.

Doyle: Angel, man. You've gotta snap out of this!

Cordy: Right now. It's time for you to get all vampy. Grrrr. Kate needs you.

Angel: Uh uh, I don't want to. You both withdraw when I go vamp. I feel you judge me.

Cordy: We won't judge you! Will we? [Doyle concurs] ... Give it a try.

Angel: [shakes head] Closeness is too important to me now.

[Angel, Cordelia and Doyle have just broken in to a back room at the precinct. Angel climbs down and turns to look at the broken window.]

Angel: Wow. That's vandalism.

Doyle: It's okay. We'll take care of it later.

Angel: We should leave a note.

Cordelia: Come on.

Angel: What's the magic word?

Cordelia: Urgh!

Angel: I don't think 'urgh' is a magic word, if one could call it a word, and certainly not a magic one.

Cordelia: We don't have time for this.

Angel: There's always time to be considerate of others, Cordelia.

Cordelia: Oh, please.

Angel: [smiles] There. That wasn't so hard now was it?

Angel:[to Papazian] You can be a rainbow [hits him] and not a "painbow"!

The Bachelor Party

[Doyle just barely manages to slay the vampire menacing Cordelia.]

Doyle: Are you okay?

Cordelia: I'm fine. That was... you were so... brave!

Doyle: You think you could say that again without so much shock in your voice? You're stepping on my moment of manliness here.

Cordelia: I'm sorry. I'm... just...

Doyle: Surprised?

Cordelia: ...Grateful.

Cordelia: So, here I am at Le Petit Renard with Mr. Armani, who could keep me in blue boxes for the rest of my life.

Angel: Blue boxes.

Cordelia: Tiffany's! God! And the whole night I was bored silly. All I could think about was, if this wimp saw a monster, he'd probably throw a shoe at it and run like a weasel. Turns out, the shoe part was giving him too much credit.

Angel: There aren't very many people who wouldn't run. It's just human nature.

Cordelia: Yeah. ... But all of a sudden "rich and handsome" isn't good enough for me. Now I expect a guy to be all brave and interesting. And it's your fault. Both of you.

Angel: Well, maybe not. Maybe you're changing. That could be a good thing.

Cordelia: Or disastrous. As if I wasn't confused enough, then Doyle comes along and rescues me like some... badly dressed superhero. [Angel supresses smile] He was really beat up. But you know the first thing he asked? 'Are you okay.' [Angel smiles] I mean, that's, like, substance. Right?

Angel: Well, there's definitely more to Doyle than meets the eye.

Cordelia: So I've gotta kill myself. [Angel stops smiling] I swore, when I went down this road with Xander Harris, I'd rather be dead than date a fixer-upper again.... Still, maybe you're right. Maybe Doyle does have hidden depths. I mean, really, really hidden. But depths! And I kinda have to buy him a mochaccino for saving my life, don't you think?

Angel: Well, I...

Cordelia: Me,too. We'll be back in a half, you watch the phones, okay?

Harrie: I am only going to ask you this once, Richard. And I expect a straight answer. Were you, or were you not, intending to eat my ex-husband's brains?

Richard: In a way.

Harrie: And when were you planning on telling me?

Richard: I thought maybe I wouldn't have to.

Harrie: You were going to start our life out together with deceit?

Doyle: [to Angel] Sorta missing the point, isn't she?

Harrie: Oh, please, Uncle John. When was the last time you pried yourself away from ESPN long enough to spill the blood of a she-goat?

[A deeply depressed Doyle sits alone in the outer office.]

Cordelia: Well, someone has to go out there and cheer him up. [Angel reluctantly stands] Oh, please. Someone with a heartbeat? [walks over to sofa] Hi, Doyle! Are you gonna become loser pining guy, like, full time now? 'Cause, you know, we already have one of those around the office.

Angel: Hey!

Doyle: Hey!

Cordelia: He can get away with it. He's tall, and... and look at the way clothes hang on him! But you...

Angel: Okay, I think you've cheered us up enough.

Cordelia: You can't live in the past. You gotta move on. Let it go. Forget it. Tomorrow is another day. Did I mention letting it go?

Doyle: Twice.

Cordelia: [sits beside Doyle] You're gonna get through this, Doyle. Nice guys don't always finish last.

Doyle: ...You think I'm a nice guy?

Cordelia: I think it, I say it. It's my way.

I Will Remember You

[Buffy visits Angel.]

Doyle: So, that's the Slayer.

Cordelia: That's our little Buffy.

Doyle: Well, she seemed a little...

Cordelia: Bulgarian in that outfit?

Doyle: Naw, I was gonna say 'hurt'.

Cordelia: Yeah, there's a lot of that when they're together. Come on.

Doyle: Where are we going?

Cordelia: They'll be at this for a while. We still have time for a cappuccino and probably the director's cut of the Titanic.

[While Angel and Buffy are fighting a demon in Angel's office, Cordelia and Doyle think that the two are fighting each other.]

Cordelia: Oh, this is pretty normal. Angel and Buffy talk things out and then they punch things out.

Cordelia: Oh my god.

Doyle: What?

Cordelia: [picks up a handful of dust] She killed him! [silence] Oops. My bad. It's just dust I forgot to sweep under the rug.

Doyle: What are you, trying to give me a heart attack?

Cordelia: Hey! Don't blame me if he's too cheap to hire a cleaning lady! [Angel enters the office, looking dazed] What's wrong? What happened? Did you do it with Buffy? [Doyle approaches Angel] Watch it, Doyle, don't get too close. Hey! You walked in the front door, from the street! You've -

Angel: Yeah.

Cordelia: - got an umbrella!

[The Oracle accepts Angel's impromptu "gift," telekinetically transporting his wristwatch to her palm.]

Oracle: I like time! There's so little and so much of it.

Cordelia: [to Doyle] Let me explain the lore here, okay? They suffer, they fight—that's business as usual. They get groiny with one another—the world as we know it falls apart.

[Buffy has issues with Angel's take-it-slow approach to his newly restored humanity.]

Buffy: You know, it's a good thing I didn't fantasize about you turning human only about ten zillion times... because today would have been a real let-down.

[Doyle and Cordelia contemplate life without Angel's mission.]

Doyle: I'll finally be free to go out and make me own mark in the world.

Cordelia: We had a cat that used to do that. Oh, God! What am I gonna do? I'm good for exactly two things: international superstardom, and helping a vampire with a soul to rid the world of evil. That makes for a short but colorful résumé.

Hero

[Cordelia strong-arms Doyle into reading for her commercial.]

Doyle: 'If you need help, then look no further. Angel Investigations is the best. Our rats are low...'

Cordelia: 'Rates'!

Doyle: It says 'rats'... '...Our rates are low, but our standards are high. When the chips are down, and you're at the end of your rope, you need someone that you can count on. And that's what you'll find here. Someone who'll go all the way, who'll protect you no matter what. So don't lose hope. Come on over to our offices, and you'll see that there's still heroes in this world.' ...Is that it? Am I done?

Doyle: One of us has been drinking, and I'm sorry to say it's not me.

Doyle: You were a real, live, flesh and blood human being ...and you and Buffy... ? You had the one thing you wanted in your naturally long life and you gave it back?

Angel: Maybe I was wrong.

Doyle: Maybe Cordelia was right, about you being the real deal in the hero department. See, I would have chosen the pleasures of the flesh over duty and honor any day of the week. I just don't have that strength.

Angel: You never know your strength until you're tested.

Doyle: Come on. You've lived and loved and lost and fought and vanquished inside a day, and I'm still trying to work up the nerve to ask Cordy out for dinner.

Doyle: Well, if it's a fight they want... can't someone else give it to them? [encouraged by his friend's first smile] It just seems so unfair. You've gotta save all the helpless types around here, now you've gotta fight the apocalypse as well?

Angel: [stands up] It's all the same thing. Fight the good fight, whichever way you can.

Doyle: Tell you what. You fight, and I'll keep score.

[Doyle returns from a dangerous task.]

Cordelia: You're alive!

Doyle: And you're not happy?

Cordelia: We were worried.

Doyle: Oh! Well, it's all gonna be okay n... [Cordelia slaps him] ...What was that for?

Cordelia: Why didn't you tell me you were half demon? I thought we agreed that secrets are bad!

Doyle: I wanted to tell you. I was afraid. I thought if I did, you'd reject me.

Cordelia: I rejected you way before now! So you're half demon! Big whoop!! I can't believe you'd think I'd care about that. I mean, I work for a vampire! Hel-lo?

Doyle: It's true. I just...

Cordelia: What do you think I am, superficial? I mean, you're half demon. That's so far down the list. Way under 'short.' And 'poor.' Is there anything else I should know?

Doyle: The half demon thing? Pretty much my big secret.

Cordelia: Good. That's out. It's done. Would you ask me out for dinner, already?

[Angel puts a hand on Doyle's shoulder. Doyle puts his hand on Angel's arm.]

Doyle: The good fight, yeah? You never know until you've been tested. I get that now.

[He hauls back and hits Angel with a hard right to the chin, knocking him down into the cargo hold. He turns to Cordelia and they kiss. There is a strange blue light between their lips just before they part.]

Doyle: Too bad we'll never know... [Morphs into his demons face]...if this is a face you could learn to love.

[Angel picks himself up of the floor of the cargo hold, runs over to the ladder and climbs back up.]

Angel: Doyle. Doyle. Doyle! Doyle! No!

[Doyle jumps over to the beacon just before Angel reaches the platform. He grabs a hold of its metal frame, turns his head and smiles at Angel and Cordelia.]

Angel: No!

[Doyle morphs back to human and tries to pull the cable connection apart as the light gets brighter and starts to melt the skin off his face. Everybody watches spellbound as Doyle manages to pull the cable apart just before he burns up. The beacon goes dark. All the Lister demons stare at the fading beacon in shock. Cordelia starts crying and Angel pulls her into a hug, teary-eyed himself.]

Parting Gifts

[Angel interviews Barney in his office.]

Barney: You know, I just noticed it's 3:45 in the afternoon. If you're a vampire, why aren't you in your coffin?

Angel: Coffin. I hate that stereotype. You're a demon and you don't know anything about vampires?

Barney: Only what I learned from TV.

Angel: Vampires don't sleep in coffins. It's a misconception made popular by hack writers and ignorant media. [stands] In fact, you know, we can and do move around during the day, as long as we avoid direct sunlight. Got it?!

Barney: Gotten. Sorry. Didn't want to push any sore spots.

[Cordelia enters the office after her audition.]

Angel: Hi. [she doesn't answer and he looks at her more closely] Everything okay? [in one smooth motion, she puts down her bag, reaches for him and kisses him] Hmm. Hmp. Mmghmm! [he puts his hands on her shoulders, gingerly pushing to get her off, trying not to offend her] Okay, uh... Cordelia, that was, uh... I, I think that you're acting out of grief, and you're confusing our... friendship... for something more...

Cordelia: I didn't feel anything. Did you feel anything?

Angel: No! You see, that's what I'm trying...

Cordelia: Urgh! That means I still have it. Damn! I can't believe he did this to me.

Angel: Who did what?

Cordelia: Doyle! I thought our kiss meant something. Instead, he used that moment to pass it on to me. Why couldn’t it be mono or herpes?

Angel: [rubs his mouth] Cordelia...

Cordelia: I didn't ask for this responsibility, unlike some people, who shall remain lifeless. I don’t have anything to atone for. If they know what’s good for them, the PTB better just stay out of my head.

Angel: ...Powers That Be... you had a vision?!

Cordelia: Boy, howdy! And you know how they look painful? Well, they feel a whole lot worse.

Angel: [sits as understanding washes through him] "Another door opens." You’re my link to the Powers now.

Cordelia: I am nobody’s link to anybody. I lost control of my entire central nervous system getting that stupid vision. And I’m not certain, but I might have... drooled... a little in my audition, the first one I’ve had in weeks.

Angel: What was it?

Cordelia: Oh, uh, StainBeGone. It was a national, no less. They’ll probably never call me again...

Angel: [snapping fingers] The vision. What was the vision?

Cordelia: Oh, who cares? It was a thing.

Angel: A thing?

Cordelia: An ugly, grey, blobby, thing. What difference does it make?

Angel: The difference is, if you saw it in a vision, this could be an ugly, grey, blobby, dangerous thing.

Cordelia: I don’t care! I want it out of me. And if kissing is the only way to get rid of it, I will smooch every damn frog in this kingdom. [enter their current client, demon Barney, from the rest room, drying his hands]

Barney: Sorry, I thought I heard voices...

Angel: Uh, Barney, you remember my associate, Cor... [Cordelia kisses Barney] ...delia?

Cordelia: [rubs her mouth] Well, maybe not every frog.

Barney: Boy, I gotta say, I like the way you people treat your clients!

[Angel encounters Wesley, who tried to replace Giles as Buffy's Watcher.]

Wesley: Hello, Angel.

Angel: Wesley.

Wesley: I'll wager you never thought, you’d see me again.

Angel: To tell you the truth, I hadn’t given it much thought one way or the other. What are you--

Wesley: Hup-up-up! [Wesley points his crossbow at Angel's throat] I’m the one asking questions here. And I think it only fair to warn you. Any sudden movement and I’ll be forced to-- [Angel casually knocks the crossbow from Wesley’s hands] Right. You had a question?

Angel: Interesting look for you. Motorcycle. The Watcher's Council trying out a new image?

Wesley: In point of fact, I no longer work for the Council. I came to the conclusion that I was, of greater value to the 'cause working autonomously.

Angel: They fired you.

Wesley: Hardly. With Buffy unwilling to follow Council orders there was simply no opportunity to function as Watcher. And that's why I became a rogue demon hunter.

Angel: You're a demon hunter?

Wesley: Rogue demon hunter, yes. And I'm on the trail of a particularly nasty bugger right now. So I suggest you stay out of my way.

Angel: Easy, tiger. I think you might be making a mistake. If we're talking about the same demon, hearly seem pretty harmless to me.

Wesley: He's left a trail of corpses, human and demon, all mutilated.

Angel: Mutilated?

Wesley: Each of the victims possessed some unique power. Telepathy, poisoned tongues, healing hands. Whatever the physical source of their power, it was ripped, gouged and torn from their corpses.

Angel: He's collecting powers.

Wesley: To what purpose, I can only guess. The fiend's cut a swath across half the continent. Almost count it in Phoenix. Got a pretty fair look too.

Angel: Kind of short? Ruddy complexion?

Wesley: Short? No, on the contrary. Quite enormous and powerful. More of a yellow green. And it seems lately to be secreting some sort of viscous fluid.

Angel: Like that?

Wesley: I'm a rogue demon hunter now.

Cordelia: Wow. What's a rogue demon?

Cordelia: Feel this, feeling-creepo! [stabs Barney in the back with a demon horn, draining his life force and killing him]

[In the kitchen, Cordelia and Angel have just shared a moment of silence for Doyle. Angel goes back to scrambling eggs.]

Wesley: Well, I'll be off then. Farewell, Angel. Who knows when our paths will cross again.

Angel: Wesley. [they shake]

Cordelia: Do you even know where you're headed?

Wesley: Rogue demon hunters rarely do. Wherever evil lurks, wherever the forces of darkness threaten humanity, that's where I'll be. [Angel pours a glass of orange juice for Cordelia.]

Cordelia: Oh, okay. Well, keep in touch.

Wesley: Yes. Yes, I will. But now, the evil lurking everywhere bids me onwards! So... I go.

Cordelia: Take care!

Wesley: Yes. [sets foot on first stair, then leans back into hallway] No rest for the wicked fighters. Through storm and rain. Heat. Famine. Deep, painful, gnawing hunger... I go.

Angel: Breakfast?

Wesley: Ooh! [takes off coat] I suppose so!

Somnambulist

[to Angel, in the middle of talking about something else]

Cordelia: And wow, you look half dead. Which, for someone who's completely dead, would be kind of neat.

[Wesley has just shown Cordelia a news clipping about a murdered girl.]

Wesley: I think you'd better sit down. While executing my duties as Watcher in Sunnydale, I did extensive research, specifically on Angel, given his uncomfortable proximity to the Slayer.

Cordelia: He looked pretty comfortable to me.

Wesley: When I saw this story today, it rang chillingly familiar. So, I reacquainted myself with certain facts, confirming, I'm sorry to say, my grim suspicions. In the late 1700s, it was Angelus' custom to sign his victims by carving a Christian cross into their left cheek. He liked to let people know he'd been there.

Cordelia: Okay. You get to leave now. You're not going to come in here and accuse Angel like this.

Wesley: Cordelia...

Cordelia: No! I don't care how many files you have about all the horrible things he did back in the powdered-wig days! He is good now. And he is my friend, and nothing you or anyone else can say will make me turn on a friend!

Angel: Cordelia, he's right.

Cordelia: [to Wes] You stake him and I'll cut his head off.

Angel: I have no memory of doing any of these things.

Cordelia: Oh, not exactly the confidence-inspiring denial I was looking for.

Angel: I've been having dreams.

Wesley: Dreams?

Angel: Killing dreams. Always the same, I - I stalk them, toy with them, mark them while they're still alive. And before they can die from the fear I feed on them.

Cordelia: Okay, so you've been having nightmares. It doesn't mean you-

Angel: They're not nightmares. I've enjoyed them.

Cordelia: Oh...

Wesley: And you fear that these might be more than just dreams, that you're acting them out in some sort of hypnagogic state.

Cordelia: Hypnawugic?

Wesley: Sleepwalking.

Wesley: You've got to make it tight.

Cordelia: Aghh, like I need instructions from you. My glamorous L.A. life—I get to make the coffee and chain the boss to the bed! I gotta join a union.

Angel: Cordelia, I, I think that's tight enough.

Cordelia: And if it turns out that we're back on the liquid lunch? Better safe than cocktails.

Kate: You're telling me children's stories.

Angel: I'm telling you the truth.

Kate: No. I don't believe you.

Angel: I know you don't. Even after what you saw, you won't let yourself. Which is why you'll lose.

Kate: I've heard enough.

Angel: No, you haven't heard a word. [Angel grips Kate's cross pendant in his fist, letting her hear the sizzle and smell the smoke.] And you won't. Not now, not yet. Because there are some things in this world you're just not ready to face.

Angel: Hi. Can I come in?

Kate: Oh, that's right. You have to be invited in, don't you?

Angel: [pause] You've been doing your homework.

Kate: Want to quiz me? I'm just full of fun facts. For instance, I learned that your friend has been in L.A. before, did you know that? Yeah, at least twice. Once in 1929 and again in 1963. Oh, and there was something in Boston in 1908, I think he was there, too.

Angel: So you believe me.

Kate: Yes, I believe you...

Angel: Good, because he's planning something el...

Kate: ...Angelus. Isn't that what he called you? Angelus? I looked it up, it's all right there. The demon with the face of an angel. A particularly brutal bastard, by all accounts. Oh, and no, you can't come in.

Angel: I can't make up for the past, Kate, I know that...

Kate: No, you can't. In fact, all of this? What's happening now? Is because of you. You made him, didn't you?

Angel: Then let me help end it. Please.

Kate: 'Please.' Now there's a word I imagine you heard quite a lot in your time. 'Please.' 'No.' 'Don't.' Thanks for the offer, but I don't need your help. I know what to do. Drive a stake right through the son of a bitch's heart. And when that happens, I suggest you don't be there, because the next time we meet, I'll do the same to you.

Expecting

Wesley: Hello. I was just in the neighborhood, patrolling with my new Bavarian fighting axe when I suddenly thought, "Perhaps Cordelia has had a vision." Perhaps you need my help in the battle against evil.

Angel: We seem to be evil-free at the moment.

Wesley: I also packed along a Word Puzzle 3-D, if either of you has the nerve to take me on.

Cordelia: Gee, Wesley, I'd love to... but unlike you, I'm not in my eighties quite yet.

Wesley: If shaking your booty at the latest trendy hot spot is your idea of a life, then call me... [Cordy's gorgeous friends Serena and Emily enter] ...sick with envy.

Serena: [to Wesley] Hi. I'm Serena. Nice ax.

Wesley: Oh, no, this old thing? [accidentally embeds weapon in wall]

Angel: So, you're seeing someone? How come I haven't met him?

Cordelia: 'Cause I'm ashamed of you, not to mention how you'd embarrass me by giving him the third degree.

Emily: Your boss could give me the third degree anytime.

Cordelia: Oh, um... so... [collapses and convulses; Angel and Wesley try to distract Serena and Emily so they won't notice Cordelia having vision]

Angel: [pushes some mail off desk] Um, uh, Cordelia! Grab that file.

Wesley: [bending to pick up mail] Don't worry. Heh Heh. Whoopsie! [straightens up]

Angel: Lounge La Brea. Sounds like that could be an evening with all sorts of evening type... I heard the bands there are...

Serena: They don't have bands.

Angel: Which I like, 'cause if it's too loud...

Emily: Wanna come?

Angel: Oh, I think I may be busy. [flash of Cordelia's vision] Besides, um, I don't, um, lounge... all that well.

Wesley: [loud laugh] Good one. Oh, yes, no. He's no lounger, this one. [throws arm across Angel's shoulders] Hmm-mmm.

Serena: [aside to Emily] The good ones are always gay. Cor, tick-tock. [Cordelia shakily stands]

Angel: [asking about her vision] So, that client I'm supposed to be meeting tonight... What's he like again?

Cordelia: Like a big baby hatching from a big egg, with really large hands, in need of a manicure. You're meeting him here. [writes down address, then moves toward door with girls]

Cordelia: Okay. Are my girls ready to party?

[Cordelia wakes up hugely pregnant, with Wilson nowhere to be found.]

Angel: Have you talked to Wilson?

Cordelia: No. What would I say to him? "I had a really nice time, I think you left something at my place"?

Bartender: [after being interrogated by Angel] What are you, her boyfriend?

Angel: No, I'm family.

[Angel and Wesley walk in on Cordelia drinking a cup of blood.]

Angel: I don't think I've ever realised just how disgusting that was.

Angel: I really don't like it when people shoot me.

She

[Angel dutifully attends Cordelia's party.]

Cordelia: Hi! You having fun?

Angel: Sure. This is... um...

Cordelia: Your idea of hell.

Angel: Actually, in hell you tend to know a lot of the people.

[Angel escapes into Cordelia's kitchen.]

Dennis: [pulls out chair]

Angel: Hi, Dennis. [sits] How you doing?

Dennis: [moves beverage from ice bucket to tabletop]

Angel: Still dead?

Dennis: [pops open can, slides it over]

Angel: [sips] I know the feeling.

Laura: So with my Masters degree in Fine Arts, I was able to launch my very own business – selling sandwiches downtown from a little cart.

Angel: Huh.

Laura: Yeah. I-I do see a lot of stuff on the job. – So I tell myself that I’m honing my eye.

Angel [smiling]: Makes sense.

[A different song comes on and Laura sets down her drink.]

Laura [starting to make dance moves and wearing a big smile]: Oh, I *love* this. (Angel looks around) Would you - like to dance?

[Camera zooms in on Angel’s eye. Flash to white, then to Angel doing some exaggerated wild dancing and making faces while Laura is staring at him with her mouth hanging open. Flash back to white and to Angel’s face.]

Angel: I don’t dance.

[The day after the party.]

Cordelia: I'm so glad you came. You know how parties are. You're always worried that no one's going to suck the energy out of the room like a giant black hole of boring despair. But there you were in the clinch!

Angel: I didn't... Boring?

Cordelia: You used to be a person! Did you never party? Did people not gather in olden times?

Angel: I talked to people. Laura.

Cordelia: Okay, Laura thought you hated her. I had to tell her you were challenged.

Angel: I don't hate her. I, I've got two modes with people: bite and avoid. Hard to shift. Plus, I can't get too close. I mean, with women...

Cordelia: You can be nice. It's not like Laura's gonna throw you down on the living room floor and tear off all of your... Well, actually, Laura...

Angel: I'll try harder. Still, I mean, the quiet, reserved thing, don't you think it makes me kind of... I don't know, cool?

Cordelia: [points at Wesley, just entering] He... was cooler.

Angel: [sits down hard on sofa] Now I'm depressed.

Angel: Here's the plan: We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face, see where it takes us.

I've Got You Under My Skin

[Oven timer dings. Wes checks his sole.]

Cordelia: [off] They're done! Nobody touch.

Angel: I think she's making brownies.

Wesley: Oh, is that what I smell. I thought I tracked something in.

Cordelia: [enters] The recipe was handed down to me from my mother, who got it from her housekeeper, plus I improvised a little. You're gonna love 'em!

Wesley: Me?!

Cordelia: Uh huh!

Wesley: Doesn't Angel have to... get to... try any?

Cordelia: They're brownies full of nutty goodness, not red blood cells.

Wesley: Oh. I wasn't thinking. More of a drinker than an eater, I suppose.

Cordelia: [having difficulty cutting] Maybe if you'd branch out into the solids he'd keep a decent knife around. [starts to hack in pan with special enchanted Keck knife]

Wesley: [shooting to feet] That is not appropriate! It's for killing extinct demons! Angel, make her stop!!

Angel: [smiling] Cordelia...

Wesley: That blade is very old! Who knows what kind of corrosive effect your cooking may have on it?

Cordelia: [brandishing knife] 'Corrosive effect'?

Angel: Cordelia, just.. put down the very sharp knife...

Wesley: Well, they don't smell right.

Cordelia: I think Mr. Too-Much-Cologne is the pot calling the kettle stinky.

Cordelia: Pretend to read any good books lately?

Angel: Cordelia. I thought you went home.

Cordelia: [sits] You called him 'Doyle.'

Angel: It... just happened. I hope Wesley's okay with it.

Cordelia: Oh, who cares about him. This is about Doyle. You never say his name.

Angel: I say it.

Cordelia: No, you don't. Look, you don't have to be Joe-stoic about his dying. I mean, I know that you have this unflappable vibe working for you, but you don't have to do that for me.

Angel: I'm not unflappable.

Cordelia: Great! So... flap.

Angel: [stands, walks to window, turns] ... ... I miss him.

Cordelia: [smiles] Me, too.

Angel: I've been around death before. A lot. I've lost people, I've killed people...

Cordelia: And you are dead. ...Sorry.

Angel: It shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have let it happen.

Cordelia: Angel, it wasn't your fault. It hurts.

Angel: Yeah.

Cordelia: What is this stuff, anyway? Kind of pretty.

Wesley: It's the bodily excretion of an Ethros demon.

Cordelia: No one could have said "demon poo" before I touched it?

Wesley: You're thinking the demon's taken on corporeal form.

Angel: That's my guess. It can only absorb the elements it needs if it manifests itself physically which means if we can find it in time, we can kill it. He'll be looking for a hostile environment. Somewhere damp. Probably be turning to primordial volcanic basalt for his regeneration.

Cordelia: Huh?

Wesley: Sea caves.

Cordelia: Why didn't you just say that?

[Angel and Wesley track a vicious Ethros demon deep into dark basalt sea caves.]

Wesley: Angel, before we go any further, I, I just want to assure you, in as much as we'll be fighting side by side... What that demon said before...

Angel: I know you're not planning to kill me, Wesley. But you're willing to. And that's good! Now, come on.

Ethros Demon: Do you know what the most frightening thing in the world is? Nothing. That's what I found in the boy. No conscience, no fear, no humanity. Just a black void. I couldn't control him. I couldn't get out. I never even manifested him until you brought me forth. I just sat there and watched as he destroyed everything around him. Not from a belief in evil, not for any reason at all...That boy's mind was the blackest hell I've ever known. Thats why I tried to get Him to commit Suicide. I knew it would bring Death, I do not fear it. The only Thing I've ever feared is in that house.

The Prodigal

Liam: Anna, come closer.

Anna: Master Liam, your father...

Liam: He'll be off to church by now, repenting of his sins. And well he should. Closer, Anna!

Anna: Why do ye keep to the shadows, sir? Are ye not well?

Liam: The light... it bothers my eyes just now.

Father: And I know the reason why! [kicks Liam out into the sunlight] Up again all night, is it? Drinking and whoring! I can smell the stink of it on you!

Liam: And a 'good morning' to you, Father.

Father: You're a disgrace.

Liam: If you say so, Father.

Father: Oh, I do. I do say so. Have you not had enough debauchery for one night? Must you corrupt the servants as well?

Liam: 'Servant,' Father. We have one servant. Anyway, everyone gets corrupted. But I find some forms of corruption are more pleasant... [rocks back as hard open-handed slap catches him full force]

Father: I'm ashamed to call you my son. A lay-about and a scoundrel. You'll never amount to anything more than that.

[Liam silently wipes blood from the corner of his mouth.]

[Liam brawls with manic abandon.]

Darla: Who is he?

Bar maid: Who, that one?

Darla: Yes. He's magnificent.

Bar maid: Ooh yah, God's gift, all right.

Darla: Really! I've never known God to be so generous.

Bar maid: Oh, his lies sound pretty when the stars are out, but he forgets every promise he's made when the sun comes up again.

Darla: That wouldn't really be a problem for me, actually.

Cordelia: Pay attention! All you have to do is decide what the code will be.

Angel: Code.

Cordelia: For the security system we just had installed. [waves instruction booklet] Hello? What have we been talking about, anyway?

Angel: I don't...

Cordelia: Come on. The installation guy said it should be something easy to remember, like my birthday.

Angel: I don't know your birthday.

Cordelia: Yeah, tell me something you don't know that I don't know. But after eleven and a half months of punching it in to this, you won't have any excuses.

Father: Liam! You’ll do as I say.

Liam: [To his sister.] Sweet Kathy. No tears. We’ll meet again.

Father: Defy me now, you won’t. Not as long as I live.

Liam: You’ll want to move away from the door now, father.

Father: Go through it, but don’t ever expect to come back.

Liam: As you wish, father. Always, just as you wish.

Father: It’s a son I wished for! A man! instead God gave me you! A terrible disappointment.

Liam: Disappointment? A more dutiful son you couldn’t have asked for. My whole life you’ve told me in word, in glance, what it is you required of me, and I’ve lived down to your every expectations, now haven’t I?

Father: That’s madness!

Liam: No. The madness is that I couldn’t fail enough for you. But we’ll fix that now, won’t we?

Father: I fear for you, lad.

Liam: And is that the only thing you can find in your heart for me now, father?

Father: Who’ll take you in, huh? No one!

Liam: I’ll not lack for a place to sleep, I can tell you that. Out of my way.

Father: I was never in your way, boy.

[Angel opens the door and storms out.]

Father: If you’ll go courting trouble, you’re sure to find it!

[Liam's father looks as if he is about to cry and slams the door.]

[Cut to the barmaid at the tavern smiling as Angel picks her up. Cut to Darla scratching her chest to make it bleed. Cut to the barmaid. Cut to Darla in the alley. Cut to the Barmaid feeding Angel some grapes.]]

Darla: You know what to do. Darling boy.

[Cut to Angel following Darla into the alley.]

Darla: I could show you – things you’ve never seen.

[Darla bites him and his eyes pop open. His knees give out and Darla pushes his mouth on top of the bloody scratch on her chest.]

Angelus: Strange. Somehow you seemed taller when I was alive.

Father: Lord, bind this demon now.

Angelus: To think I ever let such a tiny, trembling thing make me feel the way you did.

Father: [crosses himself] Deliver me under thy protection, Father.

Angelus: You told me I wasn't a man. You told me I was nothing. And I believed you. You said I'd never amount to anything. You were wrong. [vamps] You see, Father. I have made something of myself after all.

Darla: This contest is ended, is it.

Angelus: Now I've won.

Darla: Are you sure?

Angelus: Of course. I proved who had the power here.

Darla: You think?

Angel: [stands] What?

Darla: Your victory over him took but moments.

Angelus: [looks back at his dead father] Yes?

Darla: But his defeat of you will last lifetimes.

Angelus: What are you talking about? He can't defeat me now.

Darla: Nor can he ever approve of you, in this world, or any other. What we once were informs all that we have become. The same love will infect our hearts, even if they no longer beat. Simple death won't change that.

Angelus: Love. [looks around at his dead family] Is this the work of love?

Darla: Darling boy. So young, still so very young.

The Ring

[Cordelia checks a lead on an on-line demon database.]

Cordelia: There are some ugly critters in here. Someone ought to create an intra-demon dating base. You know, like archfiend.org, where the lonely and the slimy connect. I was just joking, Mister Grouchy-Pants. When was the last time you had a dating base?

Wesley: For your information, I lead a rich and varied social life.

Cordelia: Oh, I know. Every night it’s Jeopardy, followed by Wheel of Fortune and a cup of hot cocoa. Look out, girls, this one can’t be tamed!

Cordelia: Why isn't Wolfram & Hart in here?

Wesley: Because they're lawyers, not demons.

Cordelia: Fine line, you ask me.

Eternity

[The episode starts from a black screen.]

Wesley: We're doomed.

Angel: Maybe we can make a break for it.

Wesley: Impossible.

Angel: Front exit?

Wesley: We'd be spotted instantly.

Angel: Back door?

Wesley: Blocked.

Angel: That's it, then. We're trapped.

Wesley: We could try shouting fire... [seats in a theater are shown] It's not technically a crowded theater.

Cordelia: [performing Henrik Ibsen's "A Doll's House" on stage] 'One day, I might, yes. Many years from now, when I've lost my looks a little. Do not laugh.'

Wesley: [checks his watch] Only another hour.

Cordelia: 'I mean of course, a time will come when Torvald is not... is not...' ..Line??

Prompter: [whispers] 'is not as devoted to me'.

Wesley: Perhaps two.

Cordelia: What??

Prompter: [whispers] 'is not as devoted to me'.

Cordelia: 'is not as devoted to me.' [adds dramatic sob]

Angel: And I thought I knew Eternity.

Cordelia: [To Wesley] So... how was I?

Wesley: It was really good.

Cordelia: Really? Thanks. Angel was I good?

Angel: What? Oh.. Uh... I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.

Cordelia: Thanks. [pause] You didn't say it.

Angel: I didn't?

Cordelia: I don't believe this!

Angel: Well, it was a night in a theater I'll never forget.

Angel: I'm not what you think.

Rebecca: You're not? Because... no reflection, dark private office, instantly knowing those letters weren't written in blood... I guess what I would think is "vampire".

Angel: Then again...

Rebecca: Which is impossible. Bela Lugosi, Gary Oldman, they're vampires.

Angel: Frank Langella was the only performance I believed, but...

Rebecca: This is real. You're real. Do you drink blood?

Angel: Yeah. But not human.

Rebecca: You're not a killer.

Angel: I gave that up.

Rebecca: Well, there's a support group for everything in this town, I guess.

Rebecca: A season and a half off the air and suddenly I'm nobody again.

Angel: [holding up some tabloids] Not according to these.

Rebecca: According to those, I've slept with Ernest Borgnine and I'm bulimic.

Angel: I hear Borgnine's a very skilled lover.

[Rebecca leans over a slightly woozy looking Angel twirling his champagne glass.]

Angel: I used to be, uh, a long time ago. I hurt a lot of people.

Rebecca: I don't believe that.

Angel: No, it's true. I was bad. Which is why I have to help people now. I'm trying to atone.

Rebecca: Cordelia says you've saved the world.

Angel: Couple times I helped. But I almost had it sucked into hell once too.

Rebecca: Still, don't you think after all this time you deserve some happiness?

Angel: [laughs] That's probably not a good idea. Hm. You smell so good. [Rebecca is running one hand under his shirt. Angel looks pretty spaced out.] So warm. I miss that.

Rebecca: You don't have to. You can have what you've been craving all these long, empty years. We both can. Forever.

Angel: Woah, woah. What are you saying?

Rebecca: You know what I'm saying. [Exposes her neck to him.] Do it. We won't have to be lonely, either one of us, ever again.

Angel: You're wrong. You don't know what it is you're asking me to do.

Rebecca: Of course I know. I'm not a fool. There is a price. I understand that.

Angel: You couldn't possibly understand.

Rebecca: I wasn't afraid, was I? When I looked into the mirror and you weren't there I didn't scream. I didn't run. I understood.

Angel: No. You weren't afraid. You looked into that mirror and all you saw was yourself. That's all you ever see, Rebecca, and that's what really frightens you. This isn't about the way the studio, the network, or the fans see you. It's about how you see yourself. Your own reflection has been corrupted into something unrecognizable. You think you want to stay the same? What you really want is to make it disappear.

Rebecca: You're supposed to help people. Help me.

Angel: You want me to help you? [Grabs her and pulls her into the kitchen.] Fine!

Rebecca: What are you doing?

[Angel opens the fridge and takes out a red-cross blood bag, still clutching Rebecca's left arm.]

Angel: It's a big decision, Rebecca. Eternity. [Takes the bag and squirts some of the blood into her mouth.] I think you need a taste of what it is you're really asking for. [Rebecca is trying not to gag on the blood. Angel backs away, gasping, staring at the blood-spattered actress in front of him.] I'm sorry, I... [he drops the packet of blood] What did you do to me?

Rebecca: Nothing.

Angel: You put something in my drink.

Rebecca: I just wanted you to relax a little, Angel. Oh, lower the defenses a little.

Angel: [grabs her] What was it?!

Rebecca: Just a little happy pill. [Angel drops his face on her shoulder, panting, and Rebecca starts crying.] Oh god. I'm so sorry.

Angel: Everybody is so sorry.

Rebecca: I just wanted us both to be happy.

Angel: Oh, but I am happy.

Rebecca: You are?

Angel: Yes.

[A low crunch emanates from Rebecca's neck. She screams and backs away holding her shoulder were Angel's face had been. Angel straightens up, in vamp-face.]

Angel: Perfectly happy.

Rebecca: Angel?

Angelus: Oh, what's the matter? Look a little nervous.

Rebecca: You, you're...

Angelus: Free! [Picks up his drink and drains it.] You freed me. Mmm. [Sticks a finger in the glass and licks the last of it off his finger.] Oh, God. I love this stuff! Wow! [Breaks the glass on a ceiling beam.] Remind me to get the name of your dealer before I kill you.

Rebecca: Kill me?

[Angel twirls the broken glass in his hand.]

Angelus: In all my years, I've never killed a famous person before. But with no witnesses who's gonna believe me? Maybe we can take a picture. I know! We do it like we did back in the day. I'll keep your head on a stick as proof.

Rebecca: My head on a stick?

Angelus: Well okay... [throws the glass over his shoulder and listens to it break]... pike.

Rebecca: You're just trying to scare me.

Angelus: Is it working?

Rebecca: No.

[Angelus tosses her across the room and she lands on the stairs to the sewer entrance.]

Angelus: How about now?

Rebecca: You're crazy.

Angelus: Oh, no. I'm a vampire. Boy, you know, you could stand to drop a few pounds. Hey, I help you with that.

Rebecca: This isn't you.

Angelus: They always mistake me for the character I play. They never see the real me!

Rebecca: I'm... I just wanted to...

Angelus: Be like me? Believe me, I'm one happy fellow. Tell you what, I'll torture you for a few unbelievably long hours and then you can tell me if this is the lifestyle for you. It's up to you.

Cordelia: Well, oh, why don't you juss-ss...

Angelus: Juss-s? Line? 'Of course a time will come when Torvald is not as devoted to me'. You were really, let me tell you, bad.

Cordelia: Stop it.

Angelus: Why? You didn't. I mean, I've been to hell but *that* was so much worse! [To Rebecca] You had to be there. I mean, there wasn't a dry eye in the house, everybody was just laughing so hard. [To Cordelia] Here's a thought. Maybe you can get Raven here to coach you, then you'd actually suck!

[Among Angelus' dastardly deeds was a savage, if accurate, critique of Cordelia's acting.]

Angel: Cordelia —

Cordelia: OK, here's something I never thought I would say to you: Wesley's right. Forget about it.

Angel: But I really didn't mean —

Cordelia: Yes, you did. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't try to weasel out of it. Angelus may not be the most relaxing company, but at least he's honest. Shouldn't I expect the same from the not-evil version of my friends?

Angel: So, we're OK, then?

Cordelia: I'm way too big of a person to let something so petty get in the way of our friendship.

Angel: I appreciate that. [a pause] You're not gonna untie me, are you?

Cordelia: Pfft! [she exits]

Angel: Wesley? Cordelia? [cut to credits] Guys?

Five by Five

[Borsa, Romania 1898. Darla follows a blindfolded Angelus into a house.]

Angelus: Can I take off this blindfold yet?

Darla: No.

Angelus: [grabs Darla around the waist] Can I take off something else?

Darla: After I give you your present. [They kiss] You can never have enough of those. Come on.

[She leads him into another room, then takes his blindfold off. A gagged girl lies in front of a fireplace.]

Darla: Happy birthday, Angelus.

Angelus: She is a gypsy.

Darla: I looked everywhere.

Angelus: What would I do without you?

Darla: Wither and die. [They kiss] She is not just for you. I get to watch.

[Angelus goes and leans down over the girl. He pushes her skirt up while she squirms, then vamps out and bites her thigh while Darla watches.]

Cordelia: You can always tell when he's happy. His scowl? A little less scowly.

Angel: [regarding Faith] I thought she was in a coma.

Cordelia: Pretty lively coma.

Darla: Angelus? Are you here? Angelus?

[She walks into the other room. Angel is huddled up against a wall.]

Angel: Not everyone screams.

Darla: What?

Angel: When you kill them. Some just stand there frozen while others...

Darla: What are you doing? Are we playing a game?

Angel: The children, they usually scream.

Darla: [smiling] Hmm, yes. They sound just like little pigs. Have you brought me some? What you don't think I'll share? I can't believe that you would think I'm that insensitive.

[Angel turns away from the wall, looking ragged.]

Angel: We've drunk and killed for how long now? 140-odd years. We've drunk them all up and they're all dead.

Darla: Where have you been?

Angel: Don't!

Darla: What is this? Have you met someone else?

[Angel takes a hold of her shoulders and leans against her.]

Darla: No. Let go! [Pushes him away] Let go of me! What happened to you? Angelus, what happened?

Angel: That gypsy girl you brought me...her people found out. They did something to me.

Darla: A spell?

Angel: Funny. You would think with all the people I've maimed and killed I wouldn't be able to remember every single one. [Darla walks up to him.] Help me.

Darla: The spell...they gave you a soul! A filthy soul! No! [Scratches his cheek.] You're disgusting!

Angel: Darla.

[Darla picks up a wooden chair to ward him off.]

Darla: No! Get away from me!

Angel: You brought her here.

[Darla smashes the chair and picks up one of the legs and tries to stake Angel, but he avoids it.]

Angel: I am like you.

Darla: You're not like anything! Get away from me! Get out! [Angel stumbles out of the house] I'll kill you!"

[Angel runs out of the house but looks back one last time at Darla standing in the doorway with a stake still raised. He leaves, Darla lowers the stake.]

[Faith has Wesley gagged and tied to a chair.]

Faith: We've only done one of the five basic torture groups. We've done blunt, but that still leaves sharp, hot, cold, and loud.

Faith: Face it, Wesley, you really were a jerk. Always walking around like you had a great big stake shoved up your English Channel.

Wesley: I was your watcher, Faith, I know the real you. But even if you kill me there is just one thing I want you to remember.

Faith: What's that, love?

Wesley: You are a piece of sh--

Faith: You should talk, huh? I guess I'll have to try a little harder.

[Faith throws herself against Angel screaming.]

Faith: I'm evil! I'm bad! I'm evil! Do you hear me? I'm bad! Angel, I'm bad!

[She begins to sob, grabbing a hold of Angel's shirt and shaking him.]

Faith: I'm ba-ad. Do you hear me? I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm bad. Please. Angel, please, just do it.

[Wesley comes running out of the apartment building.]

Faith:Angel please, just do it. Just do it. Just kill me. Just kill me.

[Angel wraps his arms around her shoulders and pulls her against him. She over balances them and they sink to their knees, Angel still holding her as she cries.]

Angel: Shh. It's all right. It's okay. I'm here. I'm right here. Shh.

[The camera shows the knife dropping from Wesley's hand as he stands in the pouring rain, staring at them, while Faith cries and thunder rumbles overhead.]

Sanctuary

Angel: You should be resting.

Faith: I've been asleep for eight months. You rest.

Angel: Where are you gonna go? Back out into that darkness? I once told you that you didn't have to go out in that darkness. Remember? That it was your choice. Well, you chose. You thought that you could just touch it. That you'd be okay. Five by five, right, Faith? But it swallowed you whole. So tell me: How'd you like it?

Faith: I gotta be the first slayer in history to be sponsored by a vampire.

Faith: [About Wesley] Are you saying I got to apologize?

Angel: Think you can?

Faith: I don't know. How do you say, "Gee, really sorry that I tortured you nearly to death"?

Angel: Well, first off I think I'd leave off the "Gee"...

Lilah: We found her.

Lindsay: Where?

Lilah: She's with him.

Lindsay: Is he dead?

Lilah: Well, he is a vampire so technically, yes, he is dead. But not by her hand. She is his house guest.

Lindsay: What?

Lilah: That's right. The reason our little assassin hasn't made good on her contract is she's rooming with the mark.

Lindsay: We hired her to kill him.

Lilah: I believe I covered that with the assassin part.

Lindsay: And he ends up inviting her to spend the night.

Lilah: I told you he wouldn't be easy. He can't be bought, and apparently he can't be killed even by a vampire Slayer. Rumor has it he used to actually date one.

Lindsay: Who else knows about this?

Lilah: No one outside of this room. Not yet anyway.

Lindsay: When word gets back to the senior partners this won't go well. We conspired with her, paid her half up front, and now she makes us look like fools. So - question is - how are we gonna fix it?

[Lilah and Lindsay smile and turn toward Lee who is wearing a neck brace and swollen from the beating Faith gave him earlier.]

Lee: I say we kill her.

Lindsay: Here is the target.

Lee: Don't let the picture fool you. She is tougher than she looks.

Lindsay: We're not talking about anything elaborate. No slow or painful death.

Lee: Well, some pain would be good.

Lindsay: The point is: do we want her dead?

Lee: Yes. Dead. A lot.

Lee Mercer: This is getting ridiculous. The first assassin kills the second assassin sent to kill the first assassin, who didn't assassinate anyone until we hired the second assassin to assassinate her.

Buffy: You hit me!

Angel: Not to go all schoolyard on you, but you hit me first. And in case you've forgotten, you're a little bit stronger than I am.

Buffy: You did it for her.

Angel: You were about ten seconds away from making her run.

Buffy: She tried to kill you!

Angel: That was just... that was just a cry for help.

Buffy: A cry for help, is when you say "help" in a loud voice.

Angel: I know Faith did some bad things to you

Buffy: You can't possibly know.

Angel: You can't possibly know what she's going through!

Buffy: But of course you do. I'm sorry. I can't be in your club. I've never murdered anybody.

Buffy: You're not gonna run, Faith.

Faith: What do you wanna do? You gonna throw me off the road again?

Buffy: Any reason what I shouldn't?

Faith: There's nothing I can do for you, B. I can't ever make it right.

Buffy: So you're just going to take off again. Leave us to clean up yet another one of your messes.

Faith: It would make things easier for you.

Buffy: Till you got bored with the whole guilt thing, decided to come back to shake things up?

Faith: That's not gonna happen.

Buffy: You're right. It's not.

Faith: Angel said there was no way you were gonna give me a chance.

Buffy: I gave you every chance! I tried so hard to help you, and you spat on me. My life was just something for you to play with. Angel, Riley, anything that you could take from me, you took. I've lost battles before, but nobody else has ever made me a victim.

Faith: And you can't stand that. You're all about control. You have no idea what it's like on the other side. When nothing's in control, nothing makes sense. There's just pain and hate, and nothing you do means anything. You can't even--

Buffy: Shut up!

Faith: Just tell me how to make it better.

Buffy: You should've told me what was going on.

Angel: I didn't. I didn't think it was your business.

Buffy: Not my business?

Angel: I needed more time with Faith, I'm not sure--

Buffy: You needed-- Do you have any idea what it was like for me to see you with her? That you went behind my back.

Angel: Buffy, this wasn't about you. This was about saving somebody's soul. That's what I do here, and you're not a part of it. That was your idea, remember? We stay away from each other.

Buffy: I came here because you were in danger.

Angel: I'm in danger every day. You came here because of Faith. You were looking for vengeance.

Buffy: I have a right to it.

Angel: Not in my city.

[long pause]

Buffy: I have someone in my life now... that I love. It's not what you and I had. It's very new. You know what makes it new? I trust him, I know him.

Angel: [scoffs] That's great, it's nice. You moved on. I can't. You found someone new. I'm not allowed to, remember? I see you again, it cuts me up inside, and the person I share that with is me. You don't know me anymore, so don't come down here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way. Go home.

Buffy: See? Faith wins again.

Angel: [huskily] Go.

Wesley: You all right?

Angel: [to Wesley] For a taciturn, shadowy guy, I got a big mouth.

Wesley: Do you want to go after her?

Angel: Yes.

Wesley: I don't know how much my opinion counts for, but, I think you did the right thing.

Angel: Yelling at Buffy?

Wesley: No. The other thing.

Angel: I didn't do it. Faith did.

Wesley: [about Faith] I hope she's strong enough to make it. Peace is not an easy thing to find.

Angel: She has a chance.

[Faith sits in her jail cell]

War Zone

[The Angel Investigations team is at the home of a wealthy new client.]

Cordelia: Oh, I've missed that smell!

Wesley: Camembert, I believe.

Cordelia: What? No, money. I like to smell a little money once in a while.

Angel: She's not just saying that. Hide some in the office sometime and watch her. It's uncanny.

David Nabbit: Are you familiar with Dungeons & Dragons?

Angel: Yeah. I've seen a few.

Wesley: You mean the, uh, role-playing game.

Angel: Oh. Game. Right.

Cordelia: They locked ya in, huh?

Angel: No, I just love ol' meat lockers.

Wesley: You should've tried to call us on your cell phone. You probably forgot you had it.

Angel: These things hardly ever work. Besides, it was a lot easier and quicker to just ... Look I'm the boss here, I ... say when we're gonna use the cell phones and ... people are gonna die here and I ... have to go.

Gunn: How come you do it? How come you're out here?

Angel: What else are we gonna do? I'll be around.

Gunn: I don't need no help.

Angel: I might.

Gunn: What are you doing out here?

Angel: Skulking. Professionally.

Blind Date

Wesley: Demons with one eye, demons with twelve eyes, some with double vision. No blind demons. Perhaps Angel's discovered a new species.

Cordy: What, Helen Kellerus Homicidalus?

Lindsey: Well, our files aren't a hundred percent, but I guess it's fair to say you've never seen anything like real poverty. I'm talking dirt poor. No shoes, no toilet, six of us kids in one room. And come flu season it was down to four. I was seven when they took the house. They just came right in and took it. And my daddy's being nice, you know? Joking with the bastards while he signs the deed. So yeah, we had a choice. You got stepped on or you got to stepping. And I swore to myself that I was not gonna be the guy standing there with a stupid grin on my face while my life got dribbled out.

Angel: [head falls off hand] [pretends to jolt awake] I'm sorry, I nodded off. Did you get to the part where you're evil?

Lindsey: I get myself killed, that'll convince you I've changed?

Angel: It's a start.

[Gunn barges into the main office of the evil law firm, Wolfram & Hart.]

Gunn: Whoo Whoo! My God! They told me it was true, but I didn't believe em. Damn, here it is. Evil white folks really do have a mecca. Now, now, now girls, don't get all riled up. (screams) Did you just step on my foot? Was that my foot you just stepped on? Are you assulting me up in this haven of justice?! Somebody get me a lawyer, because my civil rights have seriously been violated. Oh, I get it, y'all can cater to the demon... cater to the dead man... but what about the black man!?

To Shanshu in L.A.

Cordelia: I want to know what it says about me, if there's torrid romance in my future, massive wealth, if I have to I'll settle for enviable fame.

Wesley: It's an ancient sacred text, not a Magic Eight Ball.

Cordelia: Nobody gets my humor.

Angel: I thought it was funny.

Cordelia: Oh.

Wesley: He's got a soul but he's not a part of the world...he can never be part of the world.

Cordelia: Because he doesn't want stuff? That's ridiculous!

[Wesley takes Cordelia's doughnut]

Cordelia: Hey I want that!

Wesley: What connects us to life?

Cordelia: Right now I'm going with 'Doughnut'

Wesley: What connects us to life is the simple truth we are part of it. We live, we grow, we change but Angel...

Cordelia: ..can't do any of those things

Doctor: [after Angel storms into a vision-delirious Cordelia's hospital room] You can't be in here! ...Are you family?

Angel: [pushes her aside] Yes!

Kate: Never a dull moment when you're around is there?

Angel: I have to go.

Kate: Who the hell do you think you are?! You are a major witness in a major crime scene. You're not going anywhere!

Angel: You wanna try and stop me, Kate?

Kate: I'm glad were not playing friends anymore, and I'm real sick and tired of your attitude. There is a thing called the law.

Angel: This isn't about the law. It's about a little thing called life. Now, I'm sorry about your father, but I didn't kill your father and I'm sick and tired of you blaming me for everything you can't handle. You wanna be enemies? Try me!

Wesley: The vampire with the soul, once he fulfills his destiny will 'shanshu.' Become human. It's his reward.

Cordelia: Wow! Angel human!

Angel: That'll be nice.

[Lilah, Holland and Lindsey are entering the vault where the box from the ritual is stored. Lindsey's right arm is in a sling.]

Holland: The senior partners were very impressed with your sacrifice.

[Lindsey looks at him.]

Holland: Trust me, we'll even the score with them.

Lindsey: Yes, we will.

Holland: Beginning with what's in that box.

[Lilah leans to look in through the bars running along the top of the box.]

Lilah: We're all very pleased you're here. I know it's a bit confusing, but it's gonna be better soon. A lot better... Darla.

[Camera pans to show a naked woman named Darla crouched in one corner of the box, shaking in terror.]