George: What are you, crazy?! That's it! I'm calling the cops! [fights with Nick]
Mr. Ferguson:[throws Nick keys]
(Nick takes keys and gets in car, locking door)
George: You open this door right now. [in slow motion] YOU'RE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!
Officer Lance Wescott: You better give your mother a hug, son.
Nicholas "Nick" Twisp:[narrating] It turns out Jerry had a heart attack in a Dallas bar and didn't take it very well, he died. [in a deleted scene Jerry is shown to go to Heaven, and is sentenced to hell, which prompts him to wet himself and fall into hell]
Estelle Twisp:[while crying] When will the body be here?
Officer Lance Wescott: I'm afraid that it's already been shipped to his wife.
Estelle Twisp:[still crying] his wife?!
Nicholas "Nick" Twisp:[Francois throws records] Hey! those are my records!
Francois Dillinger: Your not gonna get this bitch by sitting around and listening to music. Time to be bad.
Nicholas "Nick" Twisp: Now's not a good time, my mom just got some devastating news.
Francois Dillinger: Perfect. She's vulnerable. She's fragile. What does she value more than anything?
Nicholas "Nick" Twisp: Her things.
Francois Dillinger:[smiles and nods]
Nicholas "Nick" Twisp:[narrates while cutting her bras in half, flushing her necklaces down the toilet, and painting :"God's Perfect Asshole" on the side of Jerry's trailer] With the help of Francois, I have turned myself into a vandalizing delinquent.
[Nick is sitting on Sheeni while rubbing some suncream on her back]
Sheeni Hm, you get turned on easily. [Nick freezes] Don't stop, Nick. It's only natural. Girls are fortunate in that it doesn't show. [As he continues] For all the world knows, my vagina could be moist with desire as we speak.
Nick: [freezing again] Is it?
[Sheeni smiles into her diary, but says nothing]
[Nick confronts Sheeni in her room, after managing to evade police]
Sheeni: You got me expelled.
Nick: I'm sorry Sheeni
Sheeni: Do you realise what life is like for me here? Do you have any idea?
Nick: [firmly] Sheeni, I've been alone my whole life. I do know what it's like. [Sheeni considers these remarks] I burned down Berkeley for you. I destroyed both of my parent's cars. And I've lied and manipulated and had you sedated. I did all that so that we wouldn't have to be alone anymore.
Sheeni: [pause] You're him, aren't you?
Nick: "I'm him?"
Sheeni: You're my Francois. [gets to her feet and approaches him] You're the one I've been looking for.
Nick: Sheeni, I want what you want. I want to live all over the world, and have adventures... But I'm not Francois. I'm the guy who saw you, and fell in love with you, and would do anything for you. That's who I am.
[Sheeni kisses him, and they proceed to make love on the bed]