American comedy series
- Nobody else is stronger than I am
Yesterday I moved a mountain
I bet I could be your hero
I am a Mighty Little Man
- [First lines in the series]
- Adult Sheldon: "I've always loved trains. In fact, if my career in theoretical physics hadn't worked out, my backup plan was to become a professional ticket taker. Or hobo. And when I figured out that trains allowed me to prove Newton's first law... An object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force... I felt like Neil Armstrong on the moon, alone and happy."
- Mary Cooper: Shelly, dinner's ready!
- Adult Sheldon: "I don't care how dimwitted you are. Scientific principles have to make you smile. Of course, nobody I knew in East Texas in 1989 cared about Newtonian physics. The only Newtons they cared about were Wayne and Fig."
- Missy Cooper: Sheldon, if you don't get in here, I'm gonna lick your toothbrush.
- Sheldon Cooper: Coming!
- Adult Sheldon: "That's my sister. And she's done it before."
- George Cooper Sr.: Hey, what the hell are you doing out there?
- Mary Cooper: George, language.
- George Cooper Sr.: What language? So?
- Sheldon Cooper: I was exploring dimensional kinematics.
- Georgie Cooper: Admit it, he's adopted.
- Sheldon Cooper: How can I be adopted when I have a twin sister? Think, monkey, think.
- Mary Cooper: That's enough. No one's adopted.
- Missy Cooper: I wish I was.
- Mary Cooper: That can still be arranged.
- Missy Cooper: [in church, listening to a sermon about 'evil thoughts'] I'm having an evil thought right now.
- Sheldon Cooper: What?
- Missy Cooper: "I'm going to kick you in the balls when we get home."
Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System [1.2]Edit
- George Cooper Sr.: (Sheldon's new friend is having dinner with the Coopers) So, uh, Tam... what kind of name is that?
- Tam: Vietnamese, sir.
- George Cooper Sr.: Sure. I spent a little time over there. Army. Your Mom's name isn't Kim Lee, is it?
- Tam: No, sir.
- George Cooper Sr.: [seeming relieved] Good, good. I mean, yeah. It's a small country. So... Mary, how's that food comin'?
- Mary: [from the kitchen] Almost.
- Georgie Cooper: So, Viet Nam. Like in Rambo.
- Tam: Yes.
- Georgie Cooper: That's a cool movie.
- Tam: Yes.
- Georgie Cooper: Are you in it?
- Tam: No.
- Mary Cooper: All right, Tam. I decided I was gonna make you a real Texas dinner: bar-b-que chicken and brisket.
- Tam: Thank you.
- Mary Cooper: Well, I figured you were probably tired of stuff wigglin' around on your plate. OK, let's say Grace. Now, Tam, when I say 'Jesus', feel free to say the word 'Buddha' in your head.
- Tam: I'm actually Catholic.
- Mary Cooper: Oh. Well, that's too bad.
Poker, Faith, and Eggs [1.3]Edit
- Sheldon: You lied to your moon pie.
- Meemaw: I bluffing my moon pie.
- Sheldon: Do people know about this?
- Meemaw: Sheldon, what's on a person face is not always what's in their heart.
- Sheldon: Well, this changes everything. How do you know who to trust?
- Meemaw: You don't. That's what makes life interesting.
- Sheldon: What's she say?
- Meemaw: The doctors are doing some tests, but dollar to donuts, you daddy's just got a bad case od gas. Y'all two go get ready for bed.
- George Jr: I don't want to stay around her. I want to go to the hospital and see dad.
- Meemaw: Well, i want to go to Las Vegas and see Willie Nelson, but that ain't gonna happen either.
- George Jr: This is stupid.
- Meemaw: You know what stupid? I got to drink pink wine
- Sheldon: Meemaw
- Meemaw: What?
- Sheldon: Is dad really okay?
- Meemaw: Yes
- Sheldon: I hope you're not bluffing.
- George Jr: I'm driving to the hospital. You can come with me or stay here, up to you.
- Missy: I'm coming.
- George Jr: Sheldon?
- Sheldon: You're 14. You don't know how to drive.
- George Jr: I drove a tractor at 4-H camp. It's the same thing.
- Sheldon: But you sat on the farmer's lap.
- George Jr: Then stay here. Come on, Missy.
- Sheldon: (He suddenly hear Meemaw snore, and turning. Afraid he gonna be blame for the runaway, Sheldon decide to join George and Missy).
- Mary: What took you so long to answer?
- Meemaw: Powdering my nose. What's it to ya?
- Mary: Sorry to asked. Just want to give you an update.
- Meemaw: Y...what's going on?
- Mary: They wanna to run some test. They're gonna hold him overnight.
- Meemaw: Oh, well. That's, that's nothing to worry about. That's just precautionary.
- Mary: How are the kids?
- Meemaw: Oh... they were a little worried. But i handlet it.
- Mary: They're sleeping?
- Meemaw: Um, yeah yeah. You bet.
- Mary: Thank's again for helping.
- Meemaw: Oh hey, these are my grandchildren. They are my blood.
- Mary: Okay, i'll better go.
- Meemaw: Okay, we'll talk later.
- Meemaw: (Hang the phone before she realize about the letter in the table. As she open it, it shown that Sheldon is telling him about their runnaway).
- Meemaw: Son of a bitch. I hate those kids.
- George Jr: Dang it.
- Missy: Are you aiming for them?
- George Jr: Everybody just shut up. I got this.
- [The three of them then realize about a siren wailing behind their car.]
- Sheldon: Oh, no. We're going to jail.
- Missy: Georgie going to jail. I'm saying i was kidnapped
- Sheldon: That's a good plan. You and i were kidnapped.
- George Jr: If i'm going to jail, we're all going to jail.
- Sheldon: Oh, you're better pull over.
- [As George pull over, it revealed that the siren was coming from a ambulance.]
- George Jr: Oh, thank god.
- Sheldon: Well, don't just sit there. Follow it.
- Georger Jr: Why?
- Sheldon: It's an ambulance. It's going to the hospital.
- George: Hang on.
- Missy: How about i put the radio on real low.
- George Jr: Shut up.
- [The end credits scroll up. The logo reads: Chuck Lorre Productions, #570]
- Emoji: Believe me.
- [Last lines]
A Patch, a Modem, and a Zantac [1.6]Edit
- Tam: You know, sometimes you sound like a super villain.
- Sheldon: [excitedly high-pitched] Silence!
- Tam: That'll be more effective after your voice changes.
- Sheldon: [Tam steps away. Sheldon sighs]
- [deep voice]
- Sheldon: Silence!
- Missy: I can't die. I've only kissed one boy.
- Mary: What?
- Missy: Don't worry, it was years ago.
- Missy: I'm bored.
- Meemaw: Hey! Someday, someone will write a book about Sheldon. Don't you want a chapter in there about how loving and supportive you were?
- Georgie: What's the point? I ain't never gonna read it.
- Sheldon: Dad, can we afford a computer?
- George Sr.: You do my taxes. What do you think?
- Sheldon: [pause] Nevermind.
A Brisket, Voodoo, and Cannonball Run [1.7]Edit
- George Sr.: Here we go. Fifteen years and fourteen hours later, the best brisket in Texas.
- [tastes some]
- George Sr.: Connie, you evil bitch!
- Sheldon: Back home, he applied the spice rub with such erotic tenderness it made my mother a little jealous.
- Adult Sheldon: "That was the best trip I'd ever been on. I just wish I'd told my father that while he was alive."
Spock, Kirk, and Testicular Hernia [1.9]Edit
- Georgie: Wait. I see Elle Macpherson in a bikini. Ooh, it just fell off.
- Sheldon: I see Quadrant 1 is red, Quadrant 2 is soft and plush, [sniffs] Quadrant 3 smells like lavender, and Quadrant four is overlaid with a Fibonacci spiral.
- Mary: That's a dumb idea. We don't want Georgie to be like Georgie.
An Eagle Feather, a String Bean, and an Eskimo [1.10]Edit
- Principal Petersen: First of all, I want to thank you both for coming.
- Mary: Yeah, yeah, what'd he do?
- Principal Petersen: Uh, he didn't do anything.
- George Sr.: Gosh, Tom, I want to believe you.
- Principal Petersen: Okay, the problem is the curriculum here is not challenging enough for Sheldon. Now, he gets bored and maybe doesn't express himself in the most productive way.
- Sheldon: [seeing how well-behaved and studious the Wilmont students are] What's wrong with them?
- Mary: What are you talking about?
- Sheldon: They're so quiet. Are they on medication?
- Mary: No. They're just smart like you.
- Sheldon: I've been going to school in a zoo.
- George Sr.: [quietly to Mary] Not too sure about these uniforms. Kinda froufrou.
- Dr. Flora Douglas: I must tell you, in all I've been here, I have never seen such glowing letters of recommendation from a student's teachers.
- George Sr.: Well, that's real nice to hear.
- Dr. Flora Douglas: Now, listen to this: "Putting aside his superior intellect, Sheldon is a delight to have in the class. He's fun-loving, easy to get along with, and always ready to help another student."
- Sheldon: That doesn't sound like me at all.
- Mary: Sure it does, sweetie.
A Race of Superhumans and a Letter to Alf [2.11]Edit
- Mary Cooper: Care to explain yourself?
- Sheldon Cooper: I was trying to motivate Missy to expand her intellectual horizons.
- Mary Cooper: By torturing her Cabbage Patch doll?
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, it's not like I shocked her with electrodes, which was an option.
- Mary Cooper: Enough.
- Sheldon Cooper: To be clear, I meant to shock Missy, not the doll. That would be an effect--
- Mary Cooper: ENOUGH! And you! Getting baptized just to kiss a girl?! What were you thinking?!
- Georgie Cooper: Sounds like you know what I was thinking.
- Mary Cooper: Well, you are both grounded!
- Girl: "Dear Alf, I'm your number one fan. I like you because you're an alien but you're funny, unlike my brother who's an alien but just a jerk. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying your time here on our planet and have found things to eat other than cats. I recommend chicken nuggets. Sincerely, Missy Cooper, age 10."
- ALF: "P.S. My favorite color is pink. What's yours?" Ha. What a cutie pie. Hey, hey, Barbara, we got any more of those pink T-shirts with my face on them? I want to send one to this Missy Cooper kid. Oh, oh, and get me some chicken nuggets, huh? Hello? Anybody out there? Apparently not. Barb!
- [final lines]
A Proposal and a Popsicle Stick Cross [2.20]Edit
- Mary Cooper: You know that Veronica Duncan girl?
- George Cooper Sr: The one that Georgie likes?
- Mary Cooper: Yeah. I was thinkin' about havin' her stay here for a couple days.
- George Cooper Sr: Wh-, is it Georgie's birthday or somethin'?
- Mary Cooper: No! She's just havin' a rough time at home.
- George Cooper Sr: [takes a sip of his beer] What's goin' wrong?
- Mary Cooper: Her mother's boyfriend has a drinkin' problem, and things have been gettin' out of hand.
- George Cooper Sr: You waited 'til I had a beer to tell me this story, didn't you?
- Mary Cooper: You always have a beer.
- Dr. John Sturgis: What's this? "Connie Tucker is proud to announce that she is sweet on Dr. John Sturgis and they are officially a romantic couple." Oh boy. I'm back in business!
- [final lines]
Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes [3.1]Edit
- [Sheldon and Mary both think the other might have some mental health issues]
- Sheldon Cooper: You think *I* have mental problems?
- Mary Cooper: Well, not "problems". I'm just worried about your future. And when I see you moving sub-atomic particles around in the air, that makes me...
- Sheldon Cooper: Sub-atomic particles are real! You talk to an invisible man in the sky who grants wishes. If anyone's mental, it's you!
A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board [3.2]Edit
- Dr. Linkletter: [Last line, after Sheldon left his class] No wonder Sturgis went crazy.
An Entrepreneurialist and a Swat on the Bottom [3.3]Edit
- Missy Cooper: Is Sheldon going to jail?
- Mary Cooper: No!
- Missy Cooper: Damn it.
Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip [3.4]Edit
- Sheldon Cooper: Good news. I found a way to take a break from science.
- Mary Cooper: That's great. What is it?
- Sheldon Cooper: A fantasy book series called "The Lord of the Rings".
- Mary Cooper: It's got "the Lord" in it. That's something.
A Pineapple and the Bosom of Male Friendship [3.5]Edit
A Parasol and a Hell of an Arm [3.6]Edit
- Sheldon Cooper: [encouraging Missy] Do good baseball.
- Georgie Cooper: [Repeated line, unenthusiastically] Uh-huh.
Pongo Pygmaeus and a Culture that Encourages Spitting [3.7]Edit
- Dale: You wanna switch to light beer?
- George Cooper Sr: Hey, I may have boobs, but I'm still a man.
The Sin of Greed and a Chimichanga from Chi-Chi's [3.8]Edit
- Adult Sheldon (VO): The next day, the local news showed up to me and my family. Which may sound impressive, but this is the same local news that covered a potato chip shaped like Texas.
- Adult Sheldon (VO): In fact, it was the best graduation party I had ever been to, until the one we had for my son, Leonard Cooper.
- All: Amen.
- Missy: Cake!
- Adult Sheldon (VO): I wanted his name to be Leonard "Nimoy" Cooper, but Amy wouldn't let me.
- Amy (VO): Be happy I let you name him Leonard!
- Adult Sheldon (VO): Okay, okay!
- Amy (VO): Love you.
- Adult Sheldon (VO): Love you, too.