Yonderland

Yonderland (2013–16) is a British sitcom television series. It was created by, is written by and stars the main performers from CBBC's series Horrible Histories.

Season 1

The Chosen Mum [1.1]

[Debbie is trying to get her children to stand still for a photo]

Debbie: 1... 2... 3... 4... 5. [pause] Pete, counting to 5's stopped working

Peter: It happened at the weekend. You've got to bribe them with chocolate now.

---

Debbie: What happened? Where am I?

Elf: Well, you know the New Forest?

Debbie: Yeah...

Elf: It's like that, but in another world.

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Nick: I'm a magic stick. Get over it.

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Elder Trevor: She doesn't sound very impressive.

Elder Vex: Trevor, you're a blob.

Wizard Bradley [1.2]

Debbie: Pete, if there was a £50 note in the garden, would you go and get it?

Peter: Yes.

Debbie: Well then you haven't got flu.

Peter: What?

Debbie: Well that's the test, for flu.

Peter: But it's fifty quid! Don't you remember what I went through to get that £2 coin I dropped down the loo?

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Wizard Bradley: Don't miss my next performance when I will be showcasing my rain spell... weather permitting.

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[A younger Wizard Bradley is in a nightclub surrounded by women]

Wizard Bradley: It actually looks like a wand!

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[Wizard Bradley reaches in vain for his dropped hat as the temple doors close behind him]

Wizard Bradley: My haaaaaaaaaaaat! [pause] Can easily be replaced.

Closing the Portal [1.5]

Elf: Ennythingos: home of the sacred fire and our version of the clap, so just don't.

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"✨JuSt dO iT!✨"

Dirty Ernie [1.8]

Narrator: Far far ago, the ancients wrote upon the scrolls that dark forces would sweep our realm, until only Yonderland remained. But they told also of a saviour, come from a distant world to save us from the shadows. Can you dig?

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Season 2

Panic in the Streets of Yonderland [2.1]

Elders: Kill the blob! Smash him in! Eat the blob!

Vice Elder Flowers: Eat his face!

Scribe Elder Ho-Tan: Woah woah, wait, I thought you were a vegetarian?

Vice Elder Flowers: Is he not a vegetable?

Scribe Elder Ho-Tan: Grey area, like fish.

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Up the Workers [2.4]

Negatus: He's not hiding, you cretin, he's dead!

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Negatus: You have failed me for the last time.

Demon Jeff: Please, I can keep failing you!

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Babbas: Perfect! A little helper! How are you at holding stuff?

Demon Jeff: It's on my CV, but then again, so's computer skills, and I've no idea what that means.

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Picket Fence 1: Where did you get the egg?

Picket Fence 2: Honestly? From the bum of a bird.

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Debbie: This could have been happening for quillennia... oh God, I've started saying "quillennia".

Game of Crones [2.6]

Le Fox [after smashing a bottle of wine over Igor's head]: Don't worry, it was only a Rosé.

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The Last Fahl [2.7]

Debbie: He's clearly not all there. He collects bums!

Squint: And stamps... no-one ever goes on about the stamps.

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Nigel: Mum said she'd texted you.

Peter: Oh, what, d'you mean [looks at phone] "Cad conid locket lig haroo"? I haven't had a chance to send that one to Bletchley yet.

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Fahl: I only ask for the simple things in life. Food, water, move that mountain out of my sun! But no, you never fail to disappoint me.

Careful What You Wish For [2.8]

Demon Rita: If he's an evil genius, where's his bumbling assistant?

Igor: Jeffrey!

Demon Neil: Oh, good choice!

Demon Rita: Nailed it.

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Cast

• Martha Howe-Douglas - Debbie Maddox/Imperatrix
• Mathew Baynton - Elf/Chief Elder Choop
• Jim Howick - the Crone/Lord Elder Pressley
• Simon Farnaby - Negatus/Vice-Elder Flowers
• Laurence Rickard - Wizard Bradley/Scribe Elder Ho-Tan
• Ben Willbond - Nick the Stick/Wise Elder Vex

External links

• Yonderland quotes at the Internet Movie Database