Wonder Showzen (2005–2006) is a chaotic mix of puppets, animation and live action with a twist that will leave viewers torn between laughter, sadness and sheer perplexity.
- Clarence: What are you running from guy?"
- Guy: (Jogging) Females.
- Clarence: "Females? There's no females chasing you, I've seen your face.
- Introduction: Todays Wonder Showzen is brought to you by; the letter N, Mexico, and Baby's First Sensual Oil, because you're never too young to set the night on fire.
- Kaitlin: Mr. Chauncey, we have to ask God to put the Earth back together.
- Chauncey: Ask God? Well Thats a great idea, only one problem, the chump ain't real!
- Kaitlin: Well we can't ask God for help unless you believe in God.
- Chauncey: Well I can't just magically believe in something that I don't believe in.
- Kaitlin: Of course you can, Chauncey."
- Chauncey: You mean, if I pretend hard enough I'll believe?
- Kaitlin: All you gotta do is pretend to believe, prove to yourself its okay to deceive. Just tell your mind to lie to your soul and let the fright of god take control. 'Cause, All you gotta do is pretend to believe and you'll meet God up in heaven.
- A.P. Gibralter: In a related story, advances in genetic technologies have allowed parents to customize their babies in the womb. With such awesome accessories as a cup holder, built in CD player, 4-wheel drive, and acne that spells out the name of your favorite band. *the acne is in the shape of the logo of the metal band, Dokken*
- Tyler: The only difference between "Special", and "Wonderful", is . . . Tyler.
- Chauncey: We're gonna be rich.
- Him: Chicken rich.
- We're on an adventure, you're not on our adventure. You'll never have an adventure, cause you're sitting on your couch like a loser. Smash your TV and have adventure... Smash your TV and have adventure... Smash your TV and have adventure... Smash your TV and have adventure...
- Letter A: I got some letters for 'ya. F-U, bitch!
- Number 1: Yea? I got a number for 'ya. Number 2 . . on your chest, jerk!"
- Boy: My daddy needs pills for love.
- Chauncey: Hey brothers and sisters, it's your friendly neighborhood hippie here with a message of peace. We can stop this knife-fight if we all join hands and visualize a big hug in the sky.
- Wonder Showzen Girl: Shut up hippie! You stink, go take a shower!
- Boogie Noogie Bunch: [singing] Boogity munch, we're the Boogie Noogie Bunch! Clouds they snuggle and cookies they smunch! Huggies and'a kissies, cuddles and crunch! We're the Boogie Noogie Bunch!
- Grumpy Boogie: I don't like Noogie Boogie! And I don't their Noogie music with their porch Noogie jungle Boogie beats!
- Number 8: Numbers and Letters are different as wearing sheets and Kosher meats.
- Letter J: Numbers and letters are different as oil refining and constantly whining.
- Number 8: Numbers and letters are different as driving cabs and worshiping Babs.
- Letter J: Numbers and letters are different as body odor and Rabbi Schroeder.
- Number 8: Numbers and letters are different as declaring Jihad and fasting for God.
- Letter J: Numbers and letters are different as becoming a martyr and liking to barter.
- Letter A: I was born ready to die.
- (Two cows, a small white one and a large black one, are grazing in a field)
- Milana: Who would win in a knife fight between these two cows.
- John: Obviously blackie would.
- Milana: Is that a metaphor for our society?
- Number 2: Aww come on Chauncy, just give me a real chance!
- Chauncey: Chance?! You had your chance and you gobbled its balls!
- Him: Him must now eat your brains! Brains! Brains! BRAINS!
- Him: Don't worry, Him get rid of sores.
- (Eats one of Wordsworth's sores)
- Wordsworth: Him! Those are contagious.
- Him: Contagiously delicious.
- Clarence: Say, I'm going to be dead tomorrow cause I smoke.
- Smoker: I hope so. I hate this life.
- Cooties Spokesman: Cooties will turn your brain into mush (cooties...), your nipples into lips :(will...), and your dreams into screams (totally kill you, dude...).
- Introduction: Today’s very special Wonder Showzen is brought to you by the Letter P, Wind In A Can, and broadcast in Victim Vision. When you hear the (victim...), strap on your... *terrified screams
- Chauncey: This isn't gonna be easy to say but: we all hate you, and we think you're a stupid bitch!
- Chauncey: It's called tough love, you dumb slut.
- Trevor: What did you do with that bowl of soup.
- Woman: Bowl of soup?
- Trevor: The one you got free with that haircut.
- Trevor: Fifteen girls? Somewhere, fifteen frat guys are missing their punching bags.
- Introduction: Today's Wonder Showzen is brought to you by Time, Ching-Chong-China, and 'IT'.
- Shtugar: I like totally love you!
- Him: Me so wet!
- Future Chauncey: Watch me go teabag that Pterodactyl over there.
- Wordsworth: What a cool Chauncey.
- Chinese Waiter: What about happy ending?
- Chauncey: Oh, I'm gonna get a happy ending, alright: all over my own face!
- Chauncey: I'm gonna' kill you Middle America, when you most expect it! I'm gonna' cut the brakes on your balloon!
- Trevor: I would like to ask you some test marketing type questions.
- Test-Marketer: Okay.
- Trevor: Would you strongly disagree, slightly disagree, or only disagree with this sentence?
- Test-Marketer: (confused) Strongly disagree.
- (High on fumes)
- Chauncey: These genital-fumes are like . . . twa.
- Him: It like, why we here are Earth, man?
- Narrator: The strong shall devour the meek's reward!
- Introduction: Today's Wonder Showzen is brought to you by Science, the Inner Child, and 'Bring Your Slaughter To Work' Day.
- Voice: [singing] Be a man and rise from your grave, 'cause death is for babies.
- Male Singer: Girls! We work hard too!
- Girls, can work just like you!
- Oh, girls can do anything guys can do!
- Girls are doin' it, and doin' it, and doin' it, and doin' it, and doin' it, and doin' it, and doin' it.
- A girl could even sing this...
Young Girl: Song...
- Clarence: This is the Chernobyl of TV shows.
- Chauncey: Only with less laughs.
- Wonder Showzen Kid: (during apocalypse video) It's so quiet. I guess we did it, we achieved world peace! YAYYYYYYY!
- Chauncey: We're broker than a two-cent nickel up a hobo's dumper.
- Bootleg Chauncey: (after the number 9 kills the number 11) I hate the new normal. Now watch 'Answer Question.'
- Sthugar: Don't you see? War never solved anything.
- Choir: [singing] War never solved anything, war never solved no problems, except for World War II, the Civil War, the Revolutionary War and the War of 1812, and every war that's ever been fought. Except for Vietnam. Although Vietnam was never officially considered a war proper.
- Male singer 1: [reading from script] It was arguably an essential stop-gap conflict that might have averted a further escalation of tensions between the US and communist blockaway, and even this humanitarianism was the worst American betrayal of freedom throughout the world but other than that..
- Choir: [singing] War never solved anything, war never solved anything. War never solved anything. War never solved anything.
- Male singer 2: [ad lib] Cause I need you girl...
Horse Apples [2.7]Edit
Clarence Special Report [2.8]Edit
- Old Man: Make some TV... oh... I think they should be more detailed information about what's going on, there doesn't seem to be that and what is given doesn't allow much of choice. Same with our elections... our taxation. They cut away... the, uh, municipalities are all cutting budgets, and the taxes still remain the same. Which means that somebody's pocket is being lined. Just so many other things that I could say, the weather, the changes that have happened, that are coming about, that we don't know anything definite how we stand with our climate. We... Everything, industry, the automobiles cost the, now the prices are the salaries of the individual. The... taxation in general. There's... the biggest problem of all is we're not earning that high income to be taxing people the way we are and then our values in terms of properties have gone to such extremes, that housing you can't afford it anymore and um... those people that do buy their housing, it's because they get a lottery chance and nothing else. Uhhh... Industry, manufacturing, the clothes we wear is not suitable to be worn. It's miserable and those that are suitable are very high priced. There's a lot of things that could be say, issues that have to be discussed, that are affecting every single of us in one way or another. The cigarettes, they're penalizing these companies, this means jobs for these people. That's another factor that's taken a high hit. Petroleum... Taxes with the oil... Gas... with the phone companies. They're really feasting on the public and we still have nothing to say. You know, we just go on paying whatever rates they want, whatever taxes they want... and mean while, we're the ones that are getting the shaft. I think in one way or another... That's it. Goodbye.
- Clarence: Well I guess there's no such thing as compelling television. Goodbye...