Will & Grace (season 2)
Will & Grace (1998-2006, 2017-2020) is a popular U.S. TV series. The main characters are: Will Truman, a gay attorney; his best friend, Grace Adler, a straight Jewish woman who runs her own interior design firm; Karen Walker, a very rich, alcoholic socialite; and Jack McFarland, an effeminate gay struggling actor. The show takes place in New York City.
Guess Who's Not Coming To Dinner? [2.01]Edit
- Will: I got a call from my friend at the I.N.S. yesterday, and apparently the marriage between a 30-year-old gay man and a postmenopausal Salvadoran maid flagged something in their computer.
- Karen: Okay, are we done yet?
- Will: No. Look, they're gonna start making random visits to verify that Jack and Rosario are a real married couple. So since their official residence is listed as your place, I think the best thing would be for Jack to move into your penthouse.
- Jack: [in Zsa Zsa Gabor voice] I just adore a penthouse view! Ooh, my very own sexless marriage. Just like Will and Grace.
- Will: No, not like Will and Grace. We don't even live together anymore. She's got her own apartment.
- Jack: Eight dysfunctional feet away.
- Karen: Lord, they're like Siamese twins who are joined at their boring personalities.
- Karen: Hey. Hey, you're on the clock, tamale. Get to work!
- Rosario: Listen, lady, I'll squash you like a wormy apple!
- [They bicker intensely for a moment]
- Karen: [suddenly emotional] Oh, Will, don't let them take my sunshine away!
- Rosario: [embraces her] I love my mommy!
- Karen: [to Jack] Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and sometimes bad things happen to you.
- [Karen loses Jack's bird, Guapo]
- Karen: Oh, honey, what can I do? Do you want another bird?
- Jack: No! How can you even ask me that? When my grandmother died, did you buy me another racist dowager with a purse full of diabetic candy?
Das Boob [2.03]Edit
- [Jack finds out that Will slept with his ex-boyfriend]
- Jack: Commandment number one in the gay bible: Thou shalt not covet my ex's ass!
- Will: Is that from the Book of Genesissy?
- [Grace is surprised when Will clamps his hands over her breasts.]
- Will: I think you've sprung a leak.
- Grace: What're you talking about?
- [He lifts his hands, and her water bra sprays twin streams.]
- Will: I haven't been with a woman in some time, but I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to do that.
Whose Mom Is It, Anyway? [2.04]Edit
- Rosario: Listen lady, in my country I was a schoolteacher.
- Karen: Oh yeah? Well in this country, you wash my bras.
- Bobbi Adler: I listened.
- Grace: You're a mother. You're not supposed to listen.
- Bobbi Adler: Then what do you want me to do?
- Grace: I don't want you to fix me up. But I want you to want to fix me up. I just don't want you to want me to want to go out with the guys that you want to fix me up with.
- Bobbi Adler: You know, this rambling problem comes from your grandmother.
Polk Defeats Truman [2.05]Edit
- Karen: Oh, honey, could we get two seared ahi salads with honey mustard on the side?
- Woman: I don't work here.
- Karen: That wasn't my question, was it?
- [Grace is unaware that Will has been fired]
- Harlin: So, how's Will doing?
- Grace: I think you would know better than me.
- Harlin: [sighs] Yeah, I would.
- Grace: But don't worry, I'm on him. I'm giving him a really hard time.
- Harlin: Whoa! You're a cold-hearted little thing, aren't you?
- Grace: Well, if he's going to let work get to him like that...It's just really unattractive.
- Harlin: Grace, I don't don't know how things work with the very modern relationship between you two, but in the great state of Texas you'd be considered a bitch.
To Serve and Disinfect [2.06]Edit
- [Jack has accidentally slammed the door onto Grace's face.]
- Grace: Ow! You crushed my nose. [exits]
- Jack: Sorry! If it's broken, we'll get it fixed. [to Will] For the second time.
- Grace: [sticking her head through the window] I heard that, you bitch. And this nose has never been touched.
- Jack: I'm sorry, ma'am, you can pick up your fries at the next window. [to Will] Guess what? I've been promoted to captain at my catering company, and tonight I'm supervising an event at the Waldorf-Astoria. I will have eight men under me. How great is that?
- Will: Eight men? What'd you do, write the Gay Make A Wish Foundation?
- Jack: You couldn't do my job for one night. I challenge you!
- Will: Okay, I'll do it.
- Jack: Ha! I knew you wouldn't do it because you are scared.
- Will: I agreed.
- Jack: What just happened?
Homo for the Holidays [2.07]Edit
- Grace: Well, you've come on a good night. Jack's mother is going to be joining us, and she doesn't know Jack's gay.
- Karen: How could she not know? What is she, headless?
- Judith: [in response to Jack telling her he is gay] Looking back on it...there have been clues. When you were a child, you were overly fond of the nursery rhyme "Rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub". And you do have a lot of flamboyantly gay friends. I mean, look at Will!
Terms of Employment [2.08]Edit
- Ben: I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that you two are more than friends, but less than lovers. You're gay, and she's straight.
- Will: That's impressive. Now if you can guess my weight, you'll win a t-shirt saying, "That's really none of your business!"
- [Will has just gotten a job with a client whom Grace is suing]
- Grace: The only reason you were offered a job, is so that he can slither out of the lawsuit.
- Will: Of course. That ruthless bastard offered me a five-year contract, paid vacation, a huge signing bonus, all to make a dispute over slipcovers go away. How could I have been so blind?
- Grace: Why do your people always go to sarcasm first?
I Never Promised You An Olive Garden [2.09]Edit
- Karen: Honey, Stan can't make it. He's having some work done on his Mercedes. Or his...kidneys...I wasn't really paying attention.
- [Will and Grace are surviving hangovers]
- Will: Holy hangover, Batgirl. How fun was last night?
- Grace: So fun. Naomi and Kai know all the best clubs.
- Will: Yeah. Who'd have thought that after 2 a.m., Tiki Donuts becomes a Latino drag queen bar?
- Grace: I forget...Is "chocolate éclair" the name of a donut or one of the performers?
- Will: Why are you screaming at me? Yech. [puts his head in the sink under running water]
- Grace: [looking down her shirt] Oh, my God. When did I get my nipple pierced?
- Will: [looking down Grace's shirt] That's your earring.
- Grace: [Pulling ring out] Not right. So what time are we hooking up with them tonight?
- Will: Midnight. It's gonna be wild.
- Grace: This whole week has been wild.
- Will: I know. They're crazy.
- Grace: They're fantastic.
- Will: I hate them.
- Grace: Me, too.
Tea and a Total Lack of Sympathy [2.10]Edit
- [Will's new job is in jeopardy]
- Will: Last week I was the guy you had to have. I was the guy with heart!
- Ben: That was the honeymoon period, Will. Honeymoon's over. Good times, though, right?
- Will: Ben Doucette, Karen Walker.
- Ben: I know Mrs. Walker.
- Karen: Oh, yeah...I remember you. Stan and I met you at the Whitney opening. You were the bartender. Yeah.
- Ben: No, you just gave me your drink order.
- Karen: Yeah...and I'm still waiting for it.
Seeds of Discontent [2.11]Edit
- Will: Claire...I mentioned her a thousand times. Claire, lives in Paris, works in fashion. She was my Grace before I met Grace.
- Jack: Claire...nope, doesn't ring a bell. Cla-cla-cl - I don't like her name, though. I'm going to call her...Bettina. Yay! Bettina's coming to town! It's much better.
- [Grace objects to Will donating sperm to Claire]
- Grace: Your sperm is like the school you don't really want to go to, but you know you can get in. You're like my safety sperm.
- Will: What, my sperm is Florida State?
He's Come Undone [2.12]Edit
- Karen: C'mon, Rosario, up. I need you to whip up a batch of Cosmos. The Bronsons came back from the party with us, and I don't like them when they're sober.
- Rosario: Why don't I just squeeze you like a sponge? There's enough alcohol in you to fill a hot tub.
Oh Dad, Poor Dad, He's Kept Me in the Closet and I'm So Sad [2.13]Edit
- Will: Yay, my dad's here!
- Grace: Look at you, Mr. Happy Boots. I wish I got that excited about seeing my dad.
- Will: Come on, your dad's great.
- Grace: Yeah, in a parallel universe where my hair is straight and so are you.
Acting Out [2.14]Edit
- Jack: Homo skinny is not the same as hetero skinny. You're not in the club - you wouldn't understand.
Advise and Resent [2.15]Edit
- [Jack tries to teach Will how to be a good date]
- Jack: I'm an expert. I go on literally thousands of dates a year.
- Will: That doesn't make you an expert, that makes you an escort.
Hey La, Hey La, My Ex-Boyfriend's Back [2.16]Edit
- [Jack is trying to talk Will into reuniting with his ex-boyfriend]
- Jack: Look, if what's holding you back is your attraction to me, let me assure you: [points to self] It will never happen. Let that free you to pursue other, lesser men.
- Will: Oh, Jack...there are no lesser men than you.
- Grace: When you and I broke up it was for different reasons. I wanted to raise the kids Jewish, you wanted to sleep with men...
- Will: I really do enjoy that.
The Hospital Show [2.17]Edit
- [An extremely young nurse enters to take Grace's blood.]
- Grace: Isn't—isn't there someone else who is a little more...experienced? Someone who didn't drive in...on a Big Wheel?
- Nurse Pittman: Oh, I don't drive. I keep taking the test over and over again, but I'm all, "This is hard!"
- [Jack runs by quickly in the hospital. Will imitates person on P.A.]
- Will: Gay ferrets to the waiting area. Gay ferrets to the waiting area.
Sweet (and Sour) Charity [2.18]Edit
- Jack: Give me one good reason that a man can't go out in a nice pillbox hat. [puts on hat and looks at himself in the mirror] Hello, reason. Oh, my God, there are actually pills in here!
- [Jack and Karen walk into a homeless shelter]
- Karen: Lord, look at these people. Why anyone would choose to be homeless is beyond me!
- Jack: No one chooses to be homeless. It's because they did something bad.
An Affair to Forget [2.19]Edit
- [Will and Jack are planning Rob's bachelor party]
- Jack: You know why we're blocked? It's because heterosexual marriage is just wrong! If God had intended a man and a woman to be together, he would have given them both penises!
- Will: I believe I heard Pope RuPaul II say that.
- [Ellen has just found out that Rob and Grace once slept together]
- Rob: Honey, it meant nothing! You know I don't like bony girls. It was like having sex with a cricket.
- Grace: Oh, yeah? Well, I was fake chirping!
Girls, Interrupted [2.20]Edit
- Val: My ex-husband wanted me to get a boob job, so I got rid of him. Well, that and the fact that he was sleeping with his dental hygienist.
- Grace: Why is it always the hygienist? What is it? Is it the white uniforms, the latex gloves..?
- Val: I think it's because they're whores.
- [Jack's latest intended conquest is an "ex-gay"]
- Karen: They're trying to make gay people straight! Good Lord, don't they know what that'll do to the Fall line?
There But for the Grace of Grace [2.21]Edit
- Karen: Sorry, fruit, you're out of the loop.
- Ben: So, the salad's done, the risotto is cooking. Let's talk wine. Karen, you have any preference?
- Karen: Honey, I'd suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick, so you're asking the wrong gal, okay?
My Best Friend's Tush [2.22]Edit
- Karen: Honey, love you like a cold sore!
- Helena Barnes: You're a strange child, aren't you?
- Grace: Why do the British always insult you and then ask you to agree with them?
- Helena Barnes: Maybe because we think all you Americans are a tad silly. Don't you think?
Pt. 1 [2.23]Edit
- Will: You and Ben?
- Grace: Hey, you were the one who wanted us to make nice. We did. We made nice - twice.
- [Grace and Ben are slow-dancing on his conference table]
- Ben: You should consider yourself lucky. I normally get $500 an hour for the work I do on this table.
- Grace: That's it? I wouldn't get out of bed for $500.
- Ben: Really? Would you take a check?
- Grace: Either you just said something incredibly romantic, or you just called me a prostitute.
Pt. 2 [2.24]Edit
- Karen: Who let you in?
- Will: Your butler.
- Karen: [snorts] You mean ex-butler.
- Will: Speaking of exes, it's going to be nice being your ex-lawyer. Not having to kiss your ass or pretend that you're interesting is going to free up a lot of my time. I might even learn a language.
- Karen: Honey, if you look inside this purse, I'm giving you a little sign language right now.
- Jack: See, the problem is that you're trying to make me Will, and I'm trying to make you disappear. How about we compromise and you make me scrambled eggs?
- Grace: Jack, look where my foot is. I could scramble a couple of eggs from here.
- Jack: Oh, Grace. I'm not like all the other men in your life - I will hit you.
- Grace: Bring it on, nancy!