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Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? (season 3)

Funding Spiels

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Opening
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Lynne: Today's caper is bankrolled by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and by Viewers Like You.
Closing
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Lynne: This program was presented by WQED Pittsburg and WGBH Boston. And as always, gumshoes, Carmen's gang is bankrolled by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and by Viewers Like You. Corporate bucks provided by Toyota.

Carmen's Final Location

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Grunge: (coughs) This jail cell is awful! (snorts) No matter where I stand, I'm never more than 12 feet away from the soap. (coughs) And it's all Carmen's fault! Go get her in (Continent). (coughs)
Robo: Robocrook Unit-059 calling. According to my default program, when imprisoned for more than 11 seconds, I automatically rat on my owner. Look for Carmen in (Continent).
Patty: I used to be a sweet innocent schoolgirl. Now I'm a sweet guilty schoolgirl and it's all Carmen's fault! Go look for her in (Continent).
Vic: Darn that Carmen! I've gone from Salesman of the Century to starchin' socks in the prison laundry. I'm climbin' down the ladder of success. Look for Carmen in (Continent).
Eartha: Uh-oh. If Carmen finds out I'm in jail again, I'll get fired for sure. Do me a favor and don't mention that you caught me when you're chasing her through (Continent).
Sarah: Aw, man! This prison is heinous! The guards keep playing Michael Bolton tapes. Get Carmen in here! She'll make 'em stop! She scooted to (Contient).
Wonder Rat: All right! Now I can sell my prison memoirs and make a zillion! Get Carmen in here so she can make me a publishin' deal. She's hidin' out in (Continent)
Kneemoi: Oh, another planet, another prison cell. Maybe I could spend my sentence getting to know Carmen better. Look for her in (Continent).
Double Trouble: That Carmen's a party pooper. We've been in jail for 17 seconds already, and she hasn't even visited yet! Look for her in (Continent).

Bathing Booty [3.1]

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[Grunge steals the Szechenyi Medicinal Bath from Budapest, Hungary]

Chief: And this is Top Grunge, Carmen Sandiego's skanky standard bearer of stink.
Rockapella: (singing) Top Grunge
Chief: His last known whereabouts: Budapest, Hungary. The Szechenyi Baths are located in Budapest City Park. Their natural fountains heated by volcanic action far below the ground produced 80 gallons of hot water a second. Visitors to Szechnyi enjoy the supposedly medicinal waters. They swim, sunbathe, take a sauna, or just submerge in mud up to their necks and play chess all day. But that was yesterday. Today, that malodorous, maladjusted, malady maven Top Grunge cruised into town and stunned the bathers with his stench, then he picked up the Szechenyi Baths and drove away. Gumshoes, it's your job to bring back the...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief ...BATHING BOOTY!
Rockapella: (sings to the tune of the Contessa's jingle) The Clue-Fish!
Greg: Excuse me, Chief. I don't mean to bother you, but, uh, (pulls out a gift) well, I have a little somethin' for ya.
Chief: Oh, you remembered. How sweet.
Greg: Well, you know, Chief, it's a little hard, you know to forget the first time I ever met you. I mean...
(he thinks back meeting the Chief for the first time, dressed as a punk)
Greg: (in a fake Australian punk accent) Right! This ACME Crime Net?
Chief: Yes.
Greg: I got a package for you. It's a new "Best of the Bee Gees" album. Right!
Chief: Oh, fabulous.
Greg: I hate the Bee Gees. Right!
Chief: Oh, well, what kind of music do you like?
Greg: Right, I got me own punk band, right? With four other guys. And we play loud music and sometimes, we would take a box of 64 crayons and crush 'em for no reason! Right?! That's the kinda music I love!
Chief: And you make a living doing this?
Greg: No! Why do you think I'm deliverin' packages?
Chief: Oh! I need somebody to help me fight crime. You want the job?
Greg: All right. What I gonna do?
Chief: (hands Greg a piece of paper) Oh, well, first of all, all you have to do is read this to the gumshoes at home.
Greg: Right! Everyday, we'll watch--
Chief: No, no. Softer, softer. (does the contest rules along with Greg, who finishes it and congratulates the winners) Oh, now, that was a very, very nice! You've got the job. And one more thing. Could you lose the fake accent? You do it so badly.
Greg: (normal voice) Oh, okay. No problem. I was wondering-- Is it possible that you can a job for the other 4 guys in my band?
Chief: Oh, no, I don't think so. I don't like punk music.
Greg: Oh, but listen. They sing pretty good a capella.
Chief: Oh! Oh, all right. (hands Greg a hat and jacket and shakes hands with him) Well, then, bring them by!
Greg: Thanks a lot!
(flashback ends)
Greg: Oh, boy, that brings back a lotta memories, huh?
Chief: Well, are you glad you came to work with me?
Greg: Oh, Chief, I wouldn't have missed it for the world!
Both: (imitate heavy metal rock stars) RIGHT!! GO AWAY!!
(Greg leaves the office)
Greg: You know, I am so much more mature now than I was... back... then. (pulls out gum and sticks it on the camera)
Rockapella: The Amazing Disgusting Glob!
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to The Ozarks)
Greg: Hey, if I'd known we were takin' the amphibious cars, I had brought my waterskis.
Chief: That's why I didn't tell you, Greg.

Robot Robotnapper [3.2]

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[Robocrook steals the Pizzabot from Los Angeles, California]

Chief: And this is Robocrook, Carmen's bucket of oil and aluminum foil.
Rockapella: (singing) Rockapella
Chief: His last known whereabouts: Los Angeles. LA's Marina del Rey is home to a very special robot. His name is Pizzabot and he can slap together 50 pizza pies in a row. Pizzabot started as an experiment in helping disabled business people. He's operated by a paraplegic pizza shop owner who gives commands via computer. Built in Pittsburgh at Carnegie Melon University, Pizzabot moved to LA with his designer K. G. Engelhardt. And now he's moving again because today, Robocrook, snooping by Pizzabot's combo of good looks and culinary skill, kidnapped him, ingredients and all. He's always wanted a personal chef. Gumshoes, you've got a job on your plate. Catch Carmen and stop...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...the ROBOT ROBOTNAPPER!
Rockapella: ACME Radio Net! More hits, moooooooooooore MUSIC!
Chief: Greg, my office right away.
Greg: Yeah, Chief. I'll be right there. You guys, if you'll excuse me just a moment. She really can't do anything without me. (enters the office) Hey, Chief, what-- Wait a minute, you look different. No, you do. You look-- You look spiffier or somethin'.
Chief: Oh, well, I just had my earrings polished. Thank you, Greg for noticing.
Greg: That's it! Boy, you really look good! I'm not kiddin' ya.
Chief: Oh, I'm glad you think so.
Greg: Listen. Would you mind-- Just let me go-- I gotta show this to the gumshoes. Just let me bring--
Chief: No, No, No, No. Greg, we don't have time. We barely have enough time to tell the home viewers about the contest.
Greg: Yeah, that's right. I forgot about that. (Greg does the contest rules along with the Chief)
Greg: Yeah, good for that, huh?
Chief: Yeah.
Greg: Yeah. You know, by gosh, Chief, really. I mean, you look so good. Just let me go get 'em! And I'll bring 'em back. It won't take that long.
Chief: No, no, no, no, no. Greg! I can't have all three of them just trooping through the office. What do you think this is? Grand Central Station!?
Greg: Well, no. I-- (a giant clock descends from the ceiling, commuters walk through the office and a man is heard speaking over a p.a.) Look at that. Really. (laughs) (to a commuter) Oh, man, sure. (laughs) You know, Chief, it's funny, but, uh, I haven't really noticed this before. Thank you. I haven't noticed this before, but, you know, it really is like Grand Central Station.
Chief: What?!
Greg: I'm sure she's talkin' about now, because, uh--
Chief: (to the commuters) Everybody,...! GO AWAY! (everyone exits the office, and so does Greg, but one is still sitting on her desk) Go! You too! Paper! Go! Go!
Conductor: Tickets! (the Chief looks in her wallet for a ticket, but does not find one and the conductor leaves)
Greg: Okay-- (a train whistle blows and more commuters run into the office) Whoa! Hey! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Hold it. Wait a second. Just a second.
Commuter: Hold it, Greg!
Greg: Okay.
Commuter: Hold it, Greg!
Greg: (sighs and closes the door) I tell ya, we do for a couple extra bucks around here, huh?
Carmen: Robo, take the robot to a city on the Mediterranean coast in a region claimed by two different countries. It's one of the world's oldest cities.
Robo: I know the place, but don't recall signs of ancient civilization.
Carmen: That's because it's been destroyed in war repeatedly over the years, but archeologists studied there have found plenty.
Robo: Please elaborate.
Carmen: They unearthed an ancient cavehouse that may dig back 6,000 years.
Robo: Wow. They were making androids out of mud back then.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to The Azores)
Greg: Wow! How can we afford this cool monorail, Chief?
Chief: 3 words, Greg: "Viewers like you."
Rockapella: (each time Pizzabot is revealed in the 2nd round)
Pizzabot heck!
Pizzabot Greg!
Pizzabot wow!
Pizzabot oy!
Pizzabot!
Rockapella: (when Robo is revealed) Robocrook! BINGO!!

Little Dog Gone [3.3]

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[Patty Larceny steals Bobby the Dog.]

Chief: And this is Patty Larceny, Carmen's sneaky sophomore snitcher.
Rockapella: (singing) P-P-P-Patty
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Edinburgh, Scotland. Bobby the Dog belonged to a shepherd named John Grey. On market days, Grey and Bobby always stopped for lunch at a tavern across the street from Greyfriars Church. When Grey died in 1858 and was buried in the churchyard, the dog refused to leave his master's grave. For 14 years, Bobby left only once daily to eat at the tavern. When Bobby finally went to doggy heaven, friends built a statue of him near the churchyard. And, it stood there until today when Patty, armed with a heavy duty leash, tempted the terrier with a savory smelling dog biscuit. First, he resisted her advances, but then she collared him and walked him away. Gumshoes, you've got to find out where that...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...LITTLE DOG GONE!
Patty: Carmen, this bronze dog is awfully heavy and he doesn't even know any tricks.
Carmen: Don't whine, Patty dear. The Gumshoes have sniffed you out. Go to an island nation east of Mozambique.
Patty: Hey, I'll stash the loot there.
Carmen: You won't be the first. Pirates use this island as a base in the 17th and 18th centuries. It's also famous for its chameleons-- lizards who can change color.
Patty: If I were a chameleon, I'd go for a nice floral print.
Carmen: Your color's going to be jail cell gray if you don't get moving. Now, scoot.
(as the Chief, Greg and the gumshoes travel to Denver, Colorado)
Chief: Oh, this guy is such a good driver.
Greg: He knows how to stay on a straight line. That's for sure.
Chief: Yeah.

Tricky Trickle Trapper [3.4]

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[Vic the Slick steals the Source of the Nile]

Chief: And this is Vic the Slick, Carmen Sandiego's greasy guru of graft.
Rockapella: (singing) Vic the Slick
Chief: His last known whereabouts: Burundi. In 1937, German explorer Burkhart Waldecker answered a question folks had been asking for 5,000 years: where is the Source of the Nile? Waldecker pinpointed a small spring in Burundi. It forms a stream which flows into Lake Victoria, which in turn empties into the White Nile. The water passes along Rwanda's border through Uganda, Sudan and north through Egypt. More than 4,000 miles from its source, it empties into the Mediterranean Sea. Or it did until today when that venomous viper Vic the Slick bopped into Burundi and sponged the spring dry. Millions of people in five countries have lost their liquid assets. Gumshoes, capture Carmen and stop that...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...TRICKY TRICKLE TRAPPER!
Chief: Greg?
Greg: Yeah.
Chief: It's time.
Greg: Oh, yeah.
Chief: You ready?
Greg: Oh, yeah.
Chief: Come on.
Greg: I'll be right there.
Chief: Come on.
Greg: I'll be there. You guys stay here. Chess ACME style. (enters the office) You ready?
Chief: (shakes Greg's hand) Let's rumble.
Greg: GO! (both run to one end of the desk and grab each others hands) Hey! Oh! Ahh!
Chief: (laughs) Pickle hops the queen's right shoulder! (picks up a bat and runs to Greg's side and he gives chase)
Greg: Hey, you can't do that on the first move!
Chief: I already did!
Greg: Can't do it! Then, I call mayonnaise!
(they run up to the camera)
Chief: You can't do that.
Greg: Already did! PSYCHE! (laughs) Listen. (does the contest rules, but the Chief interrupts him in the middle of the second line)
Chief: Uh-uh-uh! Sloth! Steal sloth! Steal sloth! Steal-- (butts Greg over)
Greg: Whoa! Oof!
Chief: (finishes the second line of the contest rules) You--
Greg: Mud piling jumped the turtle, too.
Chief: Oh, no! (runs to the back of the office)
Greg: (laughs as he jumps off the desk) Every day, we'll pick 5 people whose lists are correct and send them each a Carmen T-Shirt. Here are the winners for today.
Chief: (as the contest winners are revealed) Oh! Oh, no, you can't do that!
Greg: Hey, come on! You're outta bounds!
Chief: No, no, no, no!
Greg: You're outta bounds!
Chief: I'm not outta bounds! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not!
Greg: Time out! Time out! Time out!
Chief: You can't call time out!
Greg: Congratulations to all the winners.
Chief: (laughs as she throws a net on Greg) The con log roll-capture!
(buzzer sounds)
Greg: Oh, rats! Rats!
Chief: Oh.
Greg: All right. Well, listen. (shakes the Chief's hand) Nice game.
Chief: Thanks.
Greg: You knew you're ahead by one.
Chief: Yeah? I thought I was behind.
Greg: (pulls out a notepad) No. See, you were ahead. Same time next week?
Chief: You bet.
Greg: All right. (exits the office with the net still on his head)
Chief: (to the home audience) What's the matter? You act like you've never seen two people play chess before.
(when Greg returns to HQ, he notices that Sean and a gorilla are playing the exact same game, so he removes the net from his head)
Greg: (throws the net on Sean) Pumpernickel's a dog toenail!
(Sean groans and Greg laughs)
Greg: Hey, buddy! Yeah!
(he and the gorilla hi-5, and the gorilla heads home)
Vic: Hey, Charmin', this spring is makin' my polyester kinda soggy. Where can I stash it?
Carmen: Hide it in a city in southern Nevada whose name is Spanish for the meadows.
Vic: Sounds like a sleepy farm town.
Carmen: It's anything but sleepy. In fact, it's been the fastest-growing American city in the past few years. While the tourist industry alone generates over $14,000,000,000 a year.
Vic: Holy savalas! I could buy pinky rings for all 12 fingers with that kinda dough. (laughs)
Greg: (as he, the Chief and the gumshoes prepare for departure to Guatemala) Okay, guys, listen up. Now, it's time for us to go to Guatemala to try to track down Vic the Slick and get back the Source of the Nile. You guys ready to go? Right?
Brenna: Yeah.
Greg: You ready? All packed and everything?
Chief: Greg? I got information to help you.
Greg: Yeah, Chief?
Chief: It's time to hit the road!
Greg: We were just doin' that, Chief. I'm sorry, guys. Go ahead. Felipe, go through the door. If you Brenna, grab my hat. Just take a right out there. We'll stop by my apartment and see what I forgot.
Chief: (while traveling) Uh, Greg, I heard the bridge is out.
Greg: No problem, Chief.

Might Takes Wright [3.5]

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[Eartha Brute steals Falling Water.]

Chief: And this is Eartha Brute, Carmen Sandiego's brawny brawling burglaress.
Rockapella: (singing) Eartha Brute HUH!
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Western Pennsylvania. In 1935, department store owner Edgar Kaufmann commissioned architect Frank Lloyd Wright to build a vacation home near a waterfall on Bear Run. Wright surprised Kaufmann with a plan to build a house directly over the waterfall. The building called Falling Water was completed in 1939. One scholar called Falling Water a complete masterpiece of 20th century art. Well, today, that complete masterpiece is completely gone because Eartha barreled up Bear Run, admired the architecture, and bolted with the building, waterfall and all. Gumshoes, it's a fright when...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...MIGHT TAKES WRIGHT!
(while Greg, the Gumshoes, and the Chief travel to Algeria, Greg and the Chief hum "Wait for the Wagon")
Chief: All together now!
Greg and the Chief: Wait for the Wagon.
Wait for the Wagon.
Wait for the Wagon,
and we'll all take a ride!
Greg: The M'zab (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Nothing!
Greg: Thank you!
Rockapella: Whatever! (Greg laughs)
Greg: You guys ready?!
Audience: YEAH!!
Greg: I just wanna make sure that everybody is really ready for this. Okay? So everybody, repeat after me! It's time...!
Audience: It's time...!
Greg: To catch...!
Audience: To catch...!
Greg: Carmen Sandiego!
Audience: Carmen Sandiego!
Greg: I said it's time...!
Audience: It's time...!
Greg: To catch...!
Audience: To catch...!
Greg: Carmen Sandiego!
Audience: Carmen Sandiego!
Greg: It's time...!
Audience: It's time...!
Greg: To catch...!
Audience: To catch...!
Greg: Carmen Sandiego!
Audience: Carmen Sandiego!
Greg: Lemme hear you cheer! Let's do this! (to Kavir) C'mon, man!
(the audience cheers)

Feckless Felons of Fenway [3.6]

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[Double Trouble steal Fenway Park]

Chief: And this despicable duo is Double Trouble, Carmen's pathetic pair of pathological pirates.
Rockapella: (singing) Double Trouble (Trouble)
Chief: Their last known whereabouts: Boston, Massachusetts. Fenway Park, home of the Boston Red Sox, was built in 1912. To see the great Ted Williams, Carl Yastrzemski, or Roger Clemens at this classic neighborhood ballpark, oh, what a way to spend the summer night. And that green monster, try catching a ball that bounces off a 37-foot wall. Oh, Bostonians are proud of Fenway. They fill it for almost every game. Or they did until today when Double Trouble, Carmen's brazen burgling backstops, stole not just the bases, but the whole stadium. You've got to stop them, gumshoes. Crunch Carmen and foil...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...the FECKLESS FELONS OF FENWAY!
Pinch: Greg.
Greg: Yeah?
Pinch: I need to see your cards for a sec.
Greg: Oh, sure. What's the matter?
Pinch: Yeah, there's a mistake. You wanna take a break while I fix them?
Greg: Oh, yeah. Thanks.
Pinch: Okay.
Greg: Cool. (in his mind) A break? Sure I could use a break. Maybe I'll just pluck around back here for a clue. (puts a "KICK ME" sign behind a cameraman) A-ha! (sees a man dressed as a viking holding a card) A viking. For chance, the boys are in southern Ireland. In an important harbor that's the country's second largest city.
Pinch: (in her mind) Now, how did he get that from a viking costume? Wouldn't like leprechaun be more appropriate?
Greg: Well, you see, Pinch, vikings sailed up Ireland's rivers in the 800s and they establish lots of cities. Including this one.
Pinch: Oh, gotcha. Hey, you'd better get back to work. (hands back Greg's cards) Here are your cards.
Greg: Thanks. (returns to the gumshoes and kicks behind the cameraman; aloud) I guess we're just on the same wavelength.
Chief: Greg, come into my office.
Greg: Oh, sure, Chief. I'll be right there. You guys just excuse me one moment. We got a lotta things goin' on today. I'll be right back. Hang tight. (enters the office) What's up, Chief?
Chief: Greg, I can't find the ACME field agents tracking folders. You know where they are?
Greg: Oh, yeah. I put them down in the basement.
Chief: What basement? I didn't know we had a basement.
Greg: Sure we have a basement. It's downstairs.
Chief: What? I know it's downstairs.
Greg: You said you didn't know we had a basement.
Chief: You know what I mean.
Greg: Okay.
Chief: Could you get them for me please?
Greg: I'd be glad to. Just hold on a second. I wanna check the light on this thing, too. Because it was-- Whoa! (falls down the "basement stairs") Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, here they are right here. (climbs back up the "stairs" and hands the Chief the folder) Oh. The light's not workin' by the way.
Chief: Oh, great.
Greg: It's dark.
Chief: Greg.
Greg: Yeah?
Chief: There's only one sheet of paper in here and it says "Note to viewers" (does the contest rules) Uh, Greg?
Greg: Yeah?
Chief: This is great information, but the tracking folders?
Greg: Oh, right.
Chief: Now, be careful.
Greg: I will. (heads back down the "stairs") You know, it's so dark down here, Chief. Sometimes, you have to really watch your step, but I got my really nifty filing system, (the Chief stands up from her desk to notice Greg ducking down and that there was no basement) and I think most people would be proud of it.
Chief: Greg.
Greg: Hiya, Chief.
Chief: Oh, I knew there was no basement. Here we are in the middle of an investigation, and instead of getting the files I need, you're wasting time with juvenile trickery! Now, stand up, Mister, and get outta here!
Greg: All right, Chief. (hands her the files) Here are your files. (exits the office and returns to the gumshoes coming up the "stairs" behind the monitor as he does his Phone Tap introduction)
("Charge" is heard playing in the background)
Double Trouble: Hey, Carmen! This baseball is fun! Double-headers, long summer nights, hot dogs...
Carmen: Well, you're headed for the winter leagues. Go to a Russian port city on the White Sea.
Double Trouble: Nothin' like winter baseball, boss lady. A slight chill in the air, and...
Carmen: No, boys. This city gets serious winter. Sometimes, the harbor freezes for 7 months, and they keep it open with special ice-breaking ships. The sky stays dark for months, so make sure the ballpark lights are working.
Double Trouble: Jeez, Carmen. You think we could put fake fur seats in Fenway?
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to the Andes Mountains)
Chief: Uh, Greg, are you sure you know how to steer this thing?
Greg: Uh, I thought you knew, Chief.
Chief: Oh.
Greg: My mistake.
Greg: Machu Picchu. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Gesundheit! (Greg laughs)
Rockapella: (each time Fenway Park is revealed)

Foul balls! Green monster!

Where the Wandering Wildebeests Went [3.7]

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[Kneemoi steals southeastern Africa's Bearded Wildebeests]

Chief: And this is Kneemoi, Carmen's oozy, goozy celestial floozy.
Rockapella: (singing) Kneemoi
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Southeastern Africa. This area is home to over a million bearded wildebeests. Every spring these members of the Antelope family make the longest annual mass migration on Earth. Their trip begins in the Serengeti Plains of Tanzania. They travel West to the Serengeti Woodlands and continue north to Kenya's Masai Mara. They don't all make it. Some get sick, others become lion food. But the wandering wildebeests took an unwelcome detour today when Kneemoi hooved into Africa and shanghaied the entire migration. She wants to take them back to her planet because she thinks they look like a Roddenberrian ant farm. Gumshoes, you've got to capture Carmen, nail Kneemoi, and figure out...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...WHERE THE WANDERING WILDEBEESTS WENT!
(ship's horn sounds)
Greg: Okay, uh, if you guys could just wait here for a moment. I just remembered that I hafta go, uh, recycle my dental floss. I'll be-- I'll be right back.
(enters the alley and the viewing turns black and white)
(Rockapella sings a catchy tune, and the Shadow walks up to Greg)
Greg: We meet again?
Shadow: Yes. The volleyballs have the mumps.
Greg: Okay, don't tell me. Volleyballs-- Uh, volleyballs mean... Sti--
Shadow: Oh, you never know the code!
Greg: I've been busy!
Shadow: Kneemoi is in the first permanent European settlement in the United States.
Greg: Yes.
Shadow: Ponce de León landed there in 1513 while looking for the Fountain of Youth.
Greg: Well, the Fountain of Youth--
Shadow: But don't look at me!
Greg: Sorry!
Shadow: Of course, the Timucua people were there 1,000 years before him. The alligators wrestle on the farm.
Greg: Okay, the alligators wrestle on the farm--
Shadow: It's not code, Greg!
Greg: I knew that.
Shadow: You can go to an alligator farm there and watch them wrestle.
Greg: All right.
Shadow: One more thing.
Greg: Yes?
Shadow: You're stepping on my pig.
Greg: Okay, you're stepping on my pig. (sees his foot on a piggy bank)
Rockapella: Baadow!
Greg: Oh, yes, stepping on my-- That was very-- (sees that the Shadow has left) Yes. Yes. Good one. That's good. (returns to the gumshoes from the window behind the monitor) Okay, we're done with the bit. Let's have the color back, please. (the viewing turns back to color) Thank you.
Chief: (in a worried voice) Greg, don't come into my office, right away.
Greg: Uh, you know, I think something's the matter with the Chief. If you guys would just hold on here. This is, uh, rather confusing. Just-- I'll be right back. Hold on. (enters the office) Chief, what's goin' on?
Chief: Oh, I'm glad you're not here, Greg.
Greg: Uh, Chief, don't you mean you're glad I am here?
Chief: No.
Greg: Wait a minute, this is very strange. Say, Chief, do you like lima beans?
Chief: No!
Greg: A-ha! I happen to know the Chief loves lima beans. Lemme try somethin' else. Uh, Chief, are you a waterbug?
Chief: Yes!
Greg: Ha-ha! I also happen to know the Chief is not a waterbug. I sense a pattern here. Chief, you're saying the opposite of everything you mean, aren't you?
Chief: No!
Greg: Ha-ha! I thought so! Now, (looks around the office) what could possibly-- Well, Chief, here's the problem right here. It's your polarity. (comes up to a panel of two switches) It's on negative.
Chief: Oh, please don't switch it!
Greg: Oh, don't worry, I will. (turns the switch to positive)
Chief: Bring on the lima beans!
Greg: Hey!
Chief: Oh, ho, that's better. Oh, ho-- Oh. I almost forgot.
Greg: Yeah.
(Greg and the Chief do the contest rules)
Greg: (sees a different switch below the polarity) Hey, Chief, what's this right here?
Chief: Oh, no, don't touch that dial, Greg. It's very delicate instrument, (Greg turns the dial to fast, which causes the Chief to move and speak fast forward) and you might do something wrong with it. Greg, don't touch the dial! If you do that, it will get broken and we'll never be able to fix it! Greg! Greg! Put that dial back right now!
Greg: Sorry, Chief.
Chief: (normal voice) Greg?
Greg: Mm?
Chief: Go away.
Greg: All right. I'll go away. I'll be right out the door, Chief. (turns the dial to slow before he exits the office)
Chief: (in a slow-motion voice) Sometimes, he makes me so mad.
Greg: (returns to HQ; in a high-speed voice) Okay, guys. Remember, we're still after Kneemoi and the Wildebeests. Fortunately for us, though, ACME Bug Net has just intercepted this phone conversation between Kneemoi and Carmen Sandiego. Watch.
(as Greg, the Chief, and the gumshoes travel to Norway)
Chief: Greg, watch it! You don't want to exceed the speed limit.
Greg: I'll stay under 5 zillion miles an hour, Chief. I promise.
Chief: (before the Photo Recon) There are 15 places here in Norway where you might find Kneemoi, the Warrant, or the Wildebeest. Uh, Wildebeests. Wil-- Wildebeestees. Wil-- Whatever.
Greg: Glåma River. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Nothing!
Greg: Thank you!
Rockapella: You're welcome!
Rockapella: (sings to the tune of the theme from the movie "Beauty and the Beast") Beauty and the Wildebeest!

Withdrawal Symptoms [3.8]

edit

[Sarah Nade steals the SEWA Bank]

Chief: And this is Sarah Nade, Carmen Sandiego's poodle-headed punk pilferer.
Rockapella: (sing) Sarah Nade!
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Ahmadabad, India, home to SEWA, the Self Employed Women's Association. It's mission: to help Indian women who work for themselves. One of SEWA's projects is the SEWA Bank. It lends money to women who aren't eligible for business loans from regular banks. All the bank's procedures are specially designed for poor frequently illiterate women. For instance, their bank books have picture IDs instead of signatures. SEWA's loan repayment rate is very high... or it was until today, when Sarah Nade arrived in Ahmadabad and made a very large withdrawal. She stole the whole bank. Gumshoes, you've got to solve today's case...
Rockapella: (sing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS!
Chief: Greg, something extremely important has come up. Could you come in here for a moment?
Greg: Oh, certainly. Absolutely, Chief. Guys, excuse me. Obviously something very important here. I'll be right back. (enters the office) Yeah, Chief.
Chief: Pick a number.
Greg: Oh, I love these things! What are they called again?
Chief: It's an ACME Fortune Teller Foldie-Thing. Now, come on, Greg. Pick a number.
Greg: Uh, 2.
Chief: Okay, pick a color.
Greg: Uh, Chartreuse. (both glare at each other) Okay, Red.
Chief: R-E-D.
Greg: Uh-huh. Okay.
Chief: "You will tell the gumshoes at home about the contest.". Well, that's a pretty specific fortune you have there, Greg.
Greg: Yeah, absolutely, I mean I can't imagine that it's ever gonna come true. WHOA! (does the contest rules) Hey! Why did I do that?
Chief: Well, the power of the Foldie-Thing is so powerful and mysterious. (finishes the contest rules and reveals the winners)
Greg: Congratulations to the winners. Okay, Chief, now it's your turn. Pick a number.
Chief: Uh, 2.
Greg: 2. 1, 2. Uh, pick a lunch meat.
Chief: A lunch meat. Uh, Olive Loaf.
Greg: Olive Loaf. O-L-I-V-E L-O-A-F. Okay, here it is right here. It says that, "You and your partner will dance the Polka, and then, you'll turn and yell "Chocolate Waffles! Chocolate Waffles!" to each other, and then, he will immediately leave the office.".
Chief: Oh, that's the most the most ridiculous thing I've ever-- (a bugle horn sounds, and Greg and the Chief stand)
Greg and the Chief: WHOA!! (polka music plays, they both dance the polka then turn to each other) CHOCOLATE WAFFLES!!! CHOCOLATE WAFFLES!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! (Greg darts out of the office)
(After Greg exits the office, he screams)
(rock music is playing in the background as Sarah rollerblades on-screen)
Carmen: Turn down that noise and listen! (silence) ACME is up to something. Take the Bank to a group of islands northeast of Cape Horn.
Sarah: Charmin', Carmen! My, ya like, pined for a horn section.
Carmen: No, Cape Horn. In South America. Britain controls the islands now, but Argentina tried to capture them in 1982.
Sarah: Hey, really on stilts! I know the place! Argentines call 'em the Malvinas. I'm blastin' past last pass!
Carmen: (to herself) I know 12 languages, but I never understand a word she says.
Zap: Hi, gumshoes. Sarah Nade is in a city in north central California. She's hiding out in a children's museum.
Turbo: But, ya'd better fan out. The city has 5 of 'em.
Zap: My favorite's the Visionarium. 'Cause it's like a fun house of education and you could learn all about science. They're playing with bubbles, and racing golf balls. Goofy stuff like that.
Turbo: Oh, and stop by the Governor's mansion. I heard the Gov got the goods for the gumshoes.
Zap: See ya.
Chief: (on the phone at the end of Round 1) Yes, you're right, Lemke. It was a fine effort. Mm-hmm. Ooh, that's a good idea. (she hangs up the phone)
Greg: (as he, the chief, and the gumshoes prepare for departure to Sacramento, California) Okay, guys, now, what we have to do is go to Sacramento to try to find Sarah and the Bank. You guys ready to go?
Heather and Jamie: Yeah.
Greg: Okay, I almost am. If you can take my hat and if you can get the door please. Uh, I need to go get my toenails--
Chief: Uh, Greg?
Greg: Yeah?
Chief: I got some information for you now.
Greg: Yeah?
Chief: Let's hit this show on the road!
Greg: We're doin' that. We're doin' that. (heads out the door through the alley to catch up with Heather and Jamie)
Chief: (while traveling) Greg, are you sure you're staying below the speed limit?
Greg: I'm goin' 55 miles an hour, Chief. Honest!
Rockapella: Wrangled Rupees!
Rockapella: (when Heather wins the 2nd round) Sarah Nade! Honderees!
Chief: This is Lynn Thigpen for Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?, and remember: You'll be mopping prison floors if you take stuff that's not yours!

Officers' Mess [3.09]

edit

[Grunge steals the United States Military Academy]

Chief: And this is Top Grunge, Carmen Sandiego's festering farrago of filth.
Rockapella: (singing) Top Grunge
Chief: His last known whereabouts: West Point on New York's Hudson River. The U.S. Military Academy was founded here in 1802. Among its nearly 50,000 graduates, presidents Ulysses S. Grant and Dwight D. Eisenhower. Students are called cadets and after graduation, they become second lieutenants in the U.S. Army. The first graduating class consisted of ten men. Nowadays, more than 900 men and women graduate each year. Or they did until today when Top Grunge rode into formation. Dreaming his dreams of military glory, Grunge hopped on his chopper and heisted the whole academy. Gumshoes, you've got to clean up this...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...OFFICERS' MESS!
Chief: Greg, you'd better come into my office.
Greg: Yeah, Chief. I'll be right there. You guys, if you'll excuse me for just a moment. The Chief obviously is a need of me. (enters the office, where the Chief has ping-pong balls on her desk) What's up, Chief?
Chief: Uh, Greg, something weird is going on. I can't explain it, but a certain thing happens whenever anybody says Carmen's last name, so from now on, it's just Carmen.
Greg: Okay. Okay. Don't worry, Chief, I won't say "Carmen Sandiego".
(ping-pong balls fall from the ceiling onto the Chief)
Chief: Thanks, Greg. I knew I could count on you.
Greg: I'm sorry. Never again. I promise. I won't say "Carmen Sandi... armpit." Carmen Sandieggsalad. Carmen Sandielephant.
Chief: Oh, for goodness sake, Greg! I keep thinking you're about to say "Carmen Sandiego".
(ping-pong balls fall)
Greg: Uh, uh, Chief, do you think maybe this is maybe a good time for the home viewer contest?
Chief: Yes.
Greg: 'Kay.
(Greg and the Chief do the contest rules)
Greg: Great. See ya later. (exits the office, but the Chief stops him)
Chief: Uh, Greg. Greg, one more thing.
Greg: Mm-hmm?
Chief: You-- You know the squeak in my chair.
Greg: Oh, yeah.
Chief: I wonder if you could just check it out for me.
Greg: Squeak in a chair? All right. (sits down)
Chief: Right there. (to the ceiling) Carmen Sandiego!
(nothing happens)
Greg: Nope. No squeak that I could find. I gotta get back to work. See ya. (exits the office)
(the Chief sits back down at her desk and the ping-pong balls fall again)
(Greg returns to HQ and looks up at the ceiling to see if ping-pong balls would fall, but they don't until one does when Greg leaves for the Phone Tap)

Roaring Rodent Road Show [3.10]

edit

[Wonder Rat steals Cody, Wyoming]

Chief: And this is Wonder Rat, Carmen's snout-faced, self-promoting crony in crime.
Rockapella: (singing) Wonder Rat
Chief: His last known whereabouts: Cody, Wyoming. Showman Buffalo Bill Cody founded this town. His traveling Wild West Show made stars out of Annie Oakley and Chief Sitting Bull. The show's memorabilia is now displayed at Cody's Buffalo Bill Historical Center. Some say Bill's greatest achievement was turning himself into a legend. Well, oneself promoter deserves another and the other showed up today. When Wonder Rat, Carmen's second rate superhero stole the whole town. Wyoming is wailing and we've got to whip that wonder weasel. Gumshoes, your job is to wrangle that rat and his...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...ROARING RODENT ROAD SHOW!
Chief: This is Lynne Thigpen for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?. And remember: Our gumshoes are strong and steady, and some them have moms named Betty. Not mine but some of them do.

The Pied Pirates of Petra [3.11]

edit

[Double Trouble steal Petra, Jordan]

Chief: And this is Double Trouble, Carmen Sandiego's decadent duo of devious depravity.
Rockapella: (singing) Double Trouble (Trouble)
Chief: Their last known whereabouts: Petra, Jordan. A 2,000-year-old city carved into the sides of a sandstone canyon. It was once the capital of an ancient Nabatean civilization. The Ferals Treasury, long rumored to hide a fortune in gold, is the town's centerpiece. By the 13th century, Petra was nearly abandoned, then in 1812, a Swiss explorer Johann Burckhardt rediscovered it. It's been a major tourist spot ever since. Or it was until today when Double Trouble, that dippy duo in disguise, tiptoed into town, purloined Petra, and left Jordan with a not-so grand canyon, Gumshoes, here's your job: bring the city home and pursue...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief ...THE PIED PIRATES OF PETRA!
Chief: No, don't bother to talk about the case, Greg. We're on snack time, and I intend to enjoy it!
Greg: Well, me, too, Chief! What'd ya bring?
Chief: What did I bring? Why do you ask?
Greg: Well, Chief, it's Trade Day. Y'know, everybody brings somethin' a little special in their snack box, so they can trade it with their friends. Now, what'd ya bring?
Chief: I got Shitake mushrooms en Croute, surrounded by new potatoes with parsley. And I don't want to trade. I like what I brought.
Greg: But listen, Chief, I did not make up the rules! Okay? All I know is, it's snack time, and it's Trade Day, so, here ya go. All right?
(he swaps his snack with the Chief's mushrooms)
Greg: Listen. Actually, you're in a lotta luck today, because I made my special Vienna-sausage-and-watermelon sandwich, and just for you, buddy, I put on an extra layer of mayo and peanut butter. It is great!
Chief: (looks closely at said sandwich) Greg, this is on white bread!
Greg: You better believe it, Chief. Mmm, nummy! Hoo.
(he chows down on his mushrooms)
Greg: Oh, Chief, this is fantastic.
Chief: I know.
Greg: This is great! MMM!
Chief: Let's show today's home contest winners.
(the winners are shown)
Chief: Congratulations to the winners.
(Greg grabs a loaf of sourdough bread to add to his mushrooms, while he and the Chief finish the contest rules)
Greg: (after he's finished) Chief, listen, that was great. What do you have for dessert?
Chief: (exasperatedly reveals her dessert) French pastries.
Greg: (amazed) Oh! Petifores! Chief, I love these! These are fan-- Thank you very much. (hands the Chief his own dessert and takes the pastries) Here's mine right here. Listen, I gotta go.
(he exits the office with the pastries, and the Chief looks at the dessert she got from Greg, and is dismayed, so she picks up Lemke's special phone)
Chief: (on phone) Uh, Lemke. Yeah. Chief here. Mmm-hmm. What've you got for dessert? Huh? Yeah? Why don't you bring it up to the office immediately? It's Trade Day.
(after Greg exits the office, Sean walks up to him with his own dessert)
Sean: Trade Day. (swaps desserts with Greg)
Greg: Oh. Yeah, thanks. Thanks a lot. Thank you.
Elliot: Trade Day. (swaps desserts with Sean)
Barry: Trade Day. (swaps desserts with Elliot)
Greg: Hey, Trade Day. (swaps desserts with Barry, thus retrieving his French pastries) (laughs) Phone Tap.
Carmen: Boys, pack up Petra and roll out. Those ACME Dumbshoes are on to you.
Double Trouble: Geez, Carmen, we were just skankin' to some Dancehall music.
Carmen: Dancehall music? You mean that jammin' mix of Reggae and Rap? Well, guess what? You're going to Kingston! Then, Montego Bay.
Double Trouble: Kingston? Hey, Carmen, that's where Dancehall music got started. And now, it's played all over the island. We never figured you'd be hipped to it.
Carmen: Don't underestimate me, boys. I've stolen every record Shavarings ever made.
Double Trouble: Carmen, you are de dum.
(As the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Ottawa, Canada)
Greg: Hey, Chief?
Chief: Yes, Greg?
Greg: I can see your house from here.
Greg: National Gallery of Canada. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Nothing!
Greg: Thank you.
Rockapella: You're welcome! (Greg laughs)
Rockapella: (when Zeeshan wins the 2nd round) Double Trouble (Trouble)! Yes, indeedy-doo!

The Gambian Gambit [3.12]

edit

[Robocrook steals Gambia's Stone Circles.]

Chief: And this is Robocrook, Carmen Sandiego's hardware headache.
Rockapella: (singing) Robocrook
Chief: His last known whereabouts: The Gambia, a small country on Africa's West Coast. All over the Gambia, archaeologists have found stone circles, circular arrangements of stone columns standing two to nine feet high. They appear to date back about 1,200 years. Some surround ancient burial sites and some don't. Who placed the stones? What do the stones mean? Why are they arranged in different ways? Those are the questions archaeologists like to ask. Or they did until today when Robocrook, that silicon sleazebag, rambled into the Gambia and did a little manual morphing and stole every stone. Gumshoes, you've got to crack the case of...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE GAMBIAN GAMBIT!
Chief: Greg, step into my office.
Greg: Yes, ma'am. I'll be right there. If you guys will please just excuse me. The Chief obviously cannot run this office without me. (enters the office) What's up, Chief?
Chief: Uh, Greg, I need to borrow a quarter for the ice machine.
Greg: Oh, is that all you wanted me for was a quarter?
Chief: No. It's just the first thing.
Greg: All right, let's see. (shows a coin holder in his jacket) You're in luck here. (pulls a coin out from the holder) Try this. (hands the Chief the coin)
Chief: Oh, okay. Greg, what are these? I've never seen coins like this before.
Greg: Chief, come on. Look. Nixon on the front, blank tapes on the back. 12 and a half cent piece.
Chief: Greg, the ice machine will not take these coins.
Greg: No?
Chief: No.
Greg: Oh, here, gimme that. (takes the coin) Try these. (pulls out two different coins and hands them to the Chief) Here, try those.
Chief: All right, here's-- Okay a dime.
Greg: Dime.
Chief: And-- What the heck? Greg.
Greg: What?
Chief: This coin has Millard Fillmore on it.
Greg: Right, it's a 15 cent piece. Plus the dime. That's 25. Simple arithmetic, Chief.
Chief: A 15 cent piece.
Greg: Yes.
Chief: Yeah, Fillmore on the front.
Greg: Yes.
Chief: And-- Oh, there's a motto on the back. It says (magnifies the coin and does the contest rules)
Greg: That is incredibly small type.
Chief: Yes, it is.
Greg: Let's show 'em who won today.
(the contest winners are revealed)
Greg: Congratulations to the winners. Here, Chief, take a look at this. (pulls out another coin and hands it to the Chief) Very proud on that. Take a look.
Chief: Ozzy Osbourne?!
Greg: You'd better believe it. Negative 35 cent piece, Chief.
Chief: Greg, I still can't use these coins in the ice machine. Oh, say, now, there is an interesting motto on the other side of this one.
Greg: Okay, what is it?
Chief: It says "Gregorious scramous outous".
Greg: Lemme see that. (the Chief hands him the coin) "Gregorious scramous outous". I wanna go look this one up. (exits the office)
Chief: Yes, Greg. You do that.
(Greg returns to HQ, looking in a Latin dictionary and sets it aside)
Greg: Very funny.
Carmen: Robo, those ACME agents are closing in. Hide out in a football game at Maracanã stadium.
Robo: Ah, football. No team is superior to da Bears.
Carmen: Not American style football, Robo. The game called soccer in the US is called Football in most other places.
Robo: Foot... ball? Football. Da Bears. Where in the stadium should I hide?
Carmen: Just blend in with the torsidorch. That's Portuguese for spectators. They beat drums, wave flags and yell cheers to support their team.
Robo: Do you think I could trade the stone circles for Ditka's autograph?
Carmen: I'm going to trade you for a Toyota if you don't move now.
(as Greg, the Chief, and the gumshoes travel to Venice, Italy)
Chief: Well, what do you think of our new ACME monorail, Greg?
Greg: Ah, Chief, doesn't even have a caboose.
Rockapella: (each time the stone circles are revealed)
Burgled boulders!
Like a Rolling Stone! (Bob Dylan song)
Whoa! The stones, man!
Rockapella: (when Mark wins the 2nd round) Robocrook! GET DOWN!
Greg: Point right over there. Just point.
(Mark points to the phone, and it rings)
Greg: Look at the power! Hello? Yeah, it's for you.
Mark: Yes? (Robo tells Mark to go to Africa)

The Persian Subversion (The Grabbing of the Gulf) [3.13]

edit

[Wonder Rat steals the Persian Gulf]

Chief: And this is Wonder Rat, Carmen's wicked whiskered windbag.
Rockapella: (singing) Wonder Rat
Chief His last known whereabouts: the Persian Gulf. The Persian Gulf is an arm of the Arabian Sea. Bordered by oil-rich nations like Kuwait and Saudi Arabia, the Gulf is the key passageway for shipping billions of dollars in oil and natural gas to the world's nations. That's one reason the region has seen its share of war in recent years. But today, the gulf is gone. Wonder Rat burrowed his way to the beach. He figured in his twisted mind that if it was worth worrying over it must be worth stealing. So he drained every drop. Gumshoes, bring an end to his evil caper...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE PERSIAN SUBVERSION or THE GRABBING OF THE GULF!
Greg: Hiya, Chief. Listen, I was expectin' you to call me in.
Chief: Well, I couldn't, Greg. My intercom doesn't work, and look, (shows her magnifying glass) my magnifying glass won't magnify. The blotter won't blot. Well, I can't even open my drawers.
Greg: Chief, listen. Maybe your desk is outta gas. Now, when was the last time you had it filled?
Chief: Well, you know, I've been so busy, I haven't even thought about it lately.
Greg: Look here, this is your problem. It's bone dry, huh? I'll fill it up for you. (taps the left side of her desk to summon the monitor she had previously used for the Photo Recon segment in Season 2)
Chief: Oh, thanks. And while you do that, I'll tell the home viewers at home about the contest. (Greg puts a gas pump in the top of the monitor to have her desk filled with gasoline and cleans the "windshield"; during this the contest is announced)
Greg: Heck of a deal. All right, uh, pull thing there, Chief. (removes the gas pump and the Chief starts her "car" and Greg taps the monitor to descend back down) All right. Safe as always.
Chief: (hands Greg his tip) There you go. Keep the change.
Greg: Thank you. Drive safely.
Chief: (turns on her "headlights") You bet.
Greg: (as the Chief drives off) And don't play your radio too loud. You know what happened last time. (the Chief waves goodbye and so does Greg) See ya. (exits the office with the gas pump)
Carmen: You'd better take the gulf on the lam.
Wonder Rat: I am on the lam, Carmen. I've been in 4 countries in the last 8 minutes.
Carmen: I mean the Lam Sea. That's what the local people used to call it, anyway. The sea is officially part of Russia, so you see its modern Russian name on maps. Head for Sakhalin Island.
Wonder Rat: Gee, you'll think I'll run into any of my faithful devoted fans, Carmen?
Carmen: No, they're both in prison, but keep your claws out of the water. The sea is full of crabs.
Wonder Rat: Hey, crabs love me! I'll get a crustacean ovation! (laughs)
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Glasgow, Scotland)
Greg: I love drivin' this car, Chief.
Chief: Well, just don't push the ejector seat like you did the last time.
(Wonder Rat tells Diana to go to North America)
Greg: What'd he say?
Diana: We're goin' to North America!
Greg: (laughs) Do it again!
Diana and Greg: (point to the camera) We're goin' to North America!

The Outback Soundtrack Hijack [3.14]

edit

[Kneemoi steals the Aborigines' song lines from Australia]

Chief: And this is Kneemoi, that anti-social alien from Carmen Sandiego's band of baddies.
Rockapella: (singing) Kneemoi
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Australia. Before the arrival of Europeans, Australia's Aborigines lived in small communal groups which hunted and gathered food. As they traveled from place to place, tribal elders used songs of myth and history as their oral maps. The song lines, called corroboree, are still sung by some present-day Aborigines. Or they were until today when Kneemoi absconded with the songs. She thinks they'd make great disco hits on her home planet Roddenberry. Gumshoes, you got to nail Kneemoi, catch Carmen, and put an end to...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE OUTBACK SOUNDTRACK HIJACK!

Come Back With That Kibbutz, Toots [3.15]

edit

[Sarah Nade steals the Degania Kibbutz from northern Israel]

Chief: And this is Sarah Nade, Carmen Sandiego's screeching cyberpunk scofflaw.
Rockapella: (singing) Sarah Nade
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: northern Israel. In 1910, a group of Jews from Russia founded the Degania Kibbutz. A collective farmer owned the property together and worked for the good of the community. As more Jews moved to the area, more kibbutzim, that's the plural of kibbutz, were founded. Today, there are over 200 kibbutzim, home to roughly one in 30 Israelis and Degania is still going strong. Or it was until today when Sarah Nade jammed up the Jordan River. She lifted all the livestock. She pilfered all the produce. She inveigled all the industry. That's right, she keelhauled the whole kibbutz. Gumshoes, you've got to free that farm and factory, and tell Sarah Nade...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...COME BACK WITH THAT KIBBUTZ, TOOTS!

The Glacier Erasure [3.17]

edit

[Vic the Slick steals Perito Moreno Glacier]

Chief: And this is Vic the Slick, Carmen's pocket-picking pinchmeister.
Rockapella: (singing) Vic the Slick
Chief: His last known whereabouts: Patagonia in Southern Argentina. Patagonia's Los Glaciares National Park is home to Moreno Glacier, a 22-mile long, three mile wide sheet of ice up to 200 feet thick. At the front of the glacier, a dramatic cliff rises from the water of Lake Argentina. Huge chunks of ice regularly break off and float away but even so, the glacier is getting bigger with every snowfall. Or it did until today when Vic the Slick hauled it off. He's planning to melt the ice down and make billions on Vic's Patagonian bottled water. Here's your job, gumshoes. Catch Carmen, stop the slick one and undo...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE GLACIER ERASURE!
Greg: We made a mistake, Tahare, the last time you were on this show last season. So we've asked you to come back. So good luck to you. Thanks for comin' back. Ladies and gentlemen, Tahare's here.
Carmen: They're after you, Vic. Take the glacier to the last African colony to declare independence from Britain. A small landlocked kingdom in southern Africa.
Vic: Landlocked? This ice is tough haulin' on land, Carmster.
Carmen: Hire some help. Pay them with emalangeni. That's the country's currency. King Mswati III is pictured on the bills.
Vic: Hey, maybe I could sell the king this burg, huh?
Carmen: Can you bargain and speak Swati?
Vic: Eh, no, but good taste is a universal language.
Carmen: Then, you're universally illiterate.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Tianjin, China)
Chief: Uh, Greg, isn't this where we're supposed to meet the ferry?
Greg: Ferry?
Chief: Yeah.
Greg: What ferry?

Rio Rock Wranglers [3.18]

edit

[Double Trouble steal Sugarloaf Mountain]

Chief: And this is Double Trouble, Carmen's diabolical dual of do-badders.
Rockapella: (singing) Double Trouble (Trouble)
Chief: Their last known whereabouts: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Next to Rio's Guanabara Bay stands a towering chunk of granite rising 1,300 feet. The Indians who first lived here called the pointy isolated peak, Pot de Sucre, which means pointy isolated peak. Then the Portuguese changed it to Pâo de Açucar, or Sugarloaf. English nanny Henrietta Carstairs was the first European to scale Sugarloaf in 1817. Now hundreds of people a day take a six minute cable car ride to the peak. But no more because today, Double Trouble, engineers of mayhem, rallied through Rio, ripped off the rock, and, well, ran away. Gumshoes, you've got to catch Carmen and rustle up those...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...RIO ROCK WRANGLERS!
Greg: Now, I really do think we're gettin' close to catchin' Double Trouble. All we hafta do is contin--
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: Oh, you think so, do you?!
Greg: It's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. (enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger) Hey, Mrs. P!
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: "How that red rain hath made the harvest grow", said the poet Lord Byron. He was describing a sight in the center of Belgium, where Napoleon fought his last battle in 1815 and now Double Trouble are a blight on that same sight. Uh, you know, I'm a bit of a poet myself. (shows a book) The stench of crime lies heavy upon us. Like a patient etherised upon a table and alas my downstairs neighbors are a clumsy surgeon and trusted with its cure. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Good-bye. (shuts her window)
Greg: Good-bye. Thank-- Thank you very much. Thanks a lot. By the way, we have copies of her book in the lobby after the show. Okay?
Carmen: If you guys don't move, you'll be in a mountain of trouble.
Double Trouble: Where to, Carmen?
Carmen: Go to the country once known as Mesopotamia. It was one of the first civilizations on earth.
Double Trouble: Well, that was then. What's there now?
Carmen: The country's capital is a big city on both banks of the Tigris River. It's also the center of industry and transportation. They're reconstructing after the damage from the Gulf War.
Double Trouble: We're there, boss! Let's rock the Cradle of civilization!
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Ulan Bator, Mongolia)
Chief: This thing is sorta drafty, Greg. Can you close the window?
Greg: No windows, Chief. This is the economy model.

The Grand Trunk Punk [3.19]

edit

[Grunge steals the Grand Trunk Road]

Chief: And this is Top Grunge, Carmen Sandiego's marauding mud-faced mechanic.
Rockapella: (singing) Top Grunge
Chief: His last known whereabouts: northern India. The 1,700 mile-long Grand Trunk Road cuts across northern India from Pakistan to Calcutta. The route was probably first used in 1500 BC by invading armies from the north. Its narrow lanes have been in heavy use ever since. Even now it's India's most important road, trucks, buses, passenger cars, ox carts, camel caravans, and herds of cattle, plus yearly floods and muds make it a famously wild ride. Or it was until today when that skanky smelling cyclist Top Grunge rolled the road up and whisked it away. Gumshoes, it's your job to get it back, catch Carmen Sandiego, and stop...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief ...THE GRAND TRUNK PUNK!
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Cape Cod, Massachusetts)
Chief: Hey, nice boat, Greg.
Greg: Yep, all the comforts of home.
Rockapella: (when Grunge is revealed; in a grungy voice) Top Grunnnnnnnnnnnge!
Greg: Yeah!
Rockapella: Movin' on! (sings their fanfare; as Earl is about to leave his podium, when the confetti starts falling)
Greg: No, wait! (Earl heads back to his podium) Okay, yeah. Good. Okay. Now come here. Oh, we're very serious about our confetti, sir.

The Bee-Bird Burglary [3.20]

edit

[Kneemoi steals the bee hummingbirds from Cuba]

Chief: And this is Kneemoi, Carmen Sandiego's antisocial extraterrestrial ectoplasm.
Rockapella: (singing) Kneemoi
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Cuba. This island nation is home to the world's smallest bird, the bee hummingbird. These dinky guys are only about two inches long from bill to tail, and weigh less than a penny. They lay half the size of jelly beans. Bee hummers can flap their wings about 80 times per second. They're so small and fast that even bird experts often mistake them for insects. The bee hummingbird is only found in Cuba. Or it was until today when Kneemoi cruised into Cuba with a bright idea. Disguised as a flower, she tempted the hummers, then hauled them off. She plans to turn them into the Roddenberrian Tabernacle Choir. Gumshoes, you got to grab that flying felon, catch Carmen, and undo...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE BEE-BIRD BURGLARY!

Angkor's Away [3.21]

edit

[Vic the Slick steals Angkor Wat from Cambodia]

Chief: And this is Vic the Slick, Carmen Sandiego's breezy markie of sleaze.
Rockapella: (singing) Vic the Slick
Chief: His last known whereabouts: Cambodia. Deep in the Cambodian jungle lie the breathtaking ruins of Angkor Wat. This vast temple complex was begun in the 9th century AD and finished in the 13th. At first, it was a shrine to Hindu gods Vishnu, Krishna, and Rama. When the Cambodian royalty converted from Hinduism to Buddhism, Buddha became a new star in the statuary. Abandoned for centuries, Angkor Wat was rediscovered in the 1860s and it's now being restored. Or it was until today when Vic the Slick stole the temples of Angkor Wat and spirited them off. Gumshoes, you've got to capture Carmen and vanquish Vic because...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...ANGKOR'S AWAY!

Haul the Hollerin' Home [3.22]

edit

[Sarah Nade steals the National Hollerin' Contest from North Carolina.]

Chief: And this is Sarah Nade, Carmen Sandiego's raucous rock and roll robber.
Rockapella: (singing) Sarah Nade
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: North Carolina. People don't holler much anymore, but in the era before telephones, farmers communicated with their distant neighbors by hollering like this: (hollering) There were trouble hollers, greeting hollers, good time hollers, oh, you name it. Now, every year the small North Carolina town of Spivey's Corner hosts the National Hollerin' Contest. People from all over compete in this almost lost art. Or they did until today when Sarah Nade skated into Spivey's Corner, dug the den, then heisted every holler. Gumshoes, you've got a job to do. Subdue Sarah Nade and HAUL THE HOLLERIN' HOME!

Brazilian Lingo Sting [3.23]

edit

[Kneemoi steals the Portuguese language.]

Chief: And this is Kneemoi, Carmen Sandiego's pilfering pebble of extra planetary protoplasm.
Rockapella: (singing) Kneemoi
Chief: Her last known wherabouts: Brazil. (speaking Spanish while subtitles are showing, "In most South American countries, people speak Spanish. But in Brazil the biggest and most populated country in the continent, people speak Portuguese. Why?") Because Brazil used to be a Portuguese colony. But in the 180 years since independence, Brazil's language has changed. Just as American English sounds different from British English, Brazilian Portuguese has its own character. Or it did until today when Kneemoi tapped the brainwaves of every Brazilian and stole the Portuguese language. The words, the grammar, the songs, the sound, all are gone. Your mission, gumshoes: nab Kneemoi, and stop the...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...BRAZILIAN LINGO STING!
(Greg enters the office where she is having brain surgery and Barry is dressed as a brain surgeon)
Greg: Hi, Chief.
Chief: Oh, hi, Greg.
Greg: What is going on?
Chief: Well, Greg, I know so much, my memory is full. So, I'm having some old memories removed from my brian to make room for new ones. (Barry pulls out ballet shoes) Oh, I remember 4th grade ballet. I hated ballet. Toss 'em. (Barry puts them in a memories box) Oh, my. My mind feels less cluttered already. Oh. Oh, I remember Pinch my Parakeet from 11th grade. Oh, keep him. (Pinch flies off)
Greg: Chief, your, uh-- Your bird just, uh, flew out the window.
Chief: What bird?
Greg: Forget it.
Chief: Uh, Greg?
Greg: Yeah.
Chief: I wanted to tell viewers something. Uh, oh.
Barry: Oh, I must've already removed that memory.
Greg: What? Oh.
Barry: Check the discarded bin please.
Greg: Oh, yeah. Sure. I'll do it. (searches through the bin)
Chief: Something I wanted to say.
Greg: (pulls out a card with the ACME logo on it) Uh, I think this is it, Chief. (does the contest rules)
Chief: Congratulations to the winners.
Greg: (pulls out an album with Mr. Rogers on it) Chief, a Mister Rogers album? (laughs)
Chief: Oh, Greg, give me that. (snatches the album) Oh, I think it's time you got back to the investigation.
Greg: Okay, Chief. (laughs as he exits the office)
Chief: Here, put that back. (Barry puts the album back in her brain and she sings a brief line of "Won't You Be My Neighbor?") It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood. A beautiful day in the neighbor. Would you be mine? Could you be mine?
Greg: Thanks for the memories. The nights we spend in Rome. (humming) We thank you so good. Pretty nice. Good fine. Well-- I don't-- I don't-- I don't have a partner. (Rockapella leaves) Phone Tap!
Carmen: Kneemoi, head for a southeast Asian country where most people practice a very traditional form of Buddhism.
Kneemoi: Buddhism? Is that different from Shuism?
Carmen: Kneemoi, it's a religion. Centered on the 37 Nats. Mythical figures who each have a story. Believers honor the Nats and give offerings. Sort of the Buddhist version of Catholic saints.
Kneemoi: On my planet, we honor plumbing devices.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Richmond, Virginia)
Chief: Greg, are you sure you could drive this thing?
Greg: No problem, Chief, a chimp could do this.
Greg: Agecroft Hall. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Nothing!
Greg: Thank you!
Rockapella: Don't mention it! (Greg laughs)

Now Museum, Now You Don't [3.24]

edit

[Wonder Rat steals the Frida Kahlo museum from Mexico City, Mexico.]

Chief: And this is Wonder Rat, Carmen's rabble-rousing rodent.
Rockapella: (singing) Wonder Rat
Chief: His last known whereabouts: La Cuidad de Mèxico. On a quiet corner in the Coyoacan section of Mexico City stands a bright blue house, the home were Frida Kahlo was born. Some critics call her one of this century's greatest painters. The house is now the Frida Kahlo museum where you'll find the largest collection of her work, mostly stunning self-portraits that reflect her troubles and her intense pride and nationality and family. But today, Wonder Rat crept into Coyoacan and hatched an evil plan. With the help of a cheesy beast of burden, he hitched up the museum and hauled it off. He plans to use it to showcase his own cheesy self-portrait. Gumshoes, here's today's case.
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: NOW MUSEUM, NOW YOU DON'T!

Lowland Lowlife [3.25]

edit

[Top Grunge steals the Eastern Lowland gorillas from Zaire.]

Chief: And this is Top Grunge, Carmen's bad biker burglar who grooms with chain grease.
Rockapella: (singing) Top Grunge
Chief: His last known whereabouts: Zaire, home of the Eastern Lowland gorilla. These gentle quiet animals have only one real enemy: people. In past years, people hunted them as trophies, and now people are cutting down the forest to make room for houses and farmland. The gorillas are being forced from their jungle home and right to the edge of extinction, and today their problems just got worse. Top Grunge, that slimy primate, zapped into Zaire, and glommed every gorilla. He wants a gang that's hairier than he is. Gumshoes, you got to stop him, corral Carmen and bring in that...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...LOWLAND LOWLIFE!

Yosemite Calamity [3.26]

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[Eartha Brute steals El Capitan from Yosemite, California]

Chief: And this is Eartha Brute, Carmen Sandiego's glowering tower of dollar power.
Rockapella: (singing) Eartha Brute, huh
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Yosemite National Park. El Capitan, the world's largest bear granite cliff, rises 3,600 feet into the air. It was formed by glaciers that covered Yosemite two to three million years ago. In 1864, Abraham Lincoln made Yosemite the USA's first protected park. El Capitan has inspired many since then, including photographic genius Ansel Adams for whom it was a favorite subject. But there was yowling in Yosemite today when Eartha Brute, that big galoot, repelled down El Capitan, then lugged it away. You've got to bust that repellant repeller, gumshoes. It's up to you to solve...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...YOSEMTIE CALAMITY!

The Hope Elopement [3.27]

edit

[Patty Larceny steals the Hope Diamond.]

Chief: And this is Patty Larceny, Carmen Sandiego's heinous, brainous teenage terror.
Rockapella: (singing) P-P-P-Patty
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Washington, D.C. The Hope Diamond may be the world's most famous jewel. Named for the English family who owned it from 1830 until 1901, the flawless blue stone weighs 45.5 karats. Huh, that's big. Superstition says that anyone who touches the Hope Diamond will die, and to that I say, "Of course they will because everybody dies eventually." Well, anyway. In 1958, the Hope's last owner donated it to the Smithsonian, where it's been on display ever since. Until today, that is, when pernicious Patty, with teenage dreams of glamour in her brainy head, sidled into the Smithsonian, heisted the Hope, and sashayed away with it. Who says dreams can't come true? We do. Gumshoes, you've got to grab that girl and catch Carmen, and stop...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Carmen: ...THE HOPE ELOPEMENT!
Patty: I used to be a sweet innocent schoolgirl. Now I'm a sweet guilty schoolgirl and it's all Carmen's fault! Go look for her in South America.

The Bollywood Shuffle [3.28]

edit

[Double Trouble steal the R.K. Movie Studio.]

Chief: And this is Double Trouble, Carmen Sandigo's partying pair of pilfers.
Rockapella: (singing) Double Trouble (Trouble)
Chief: Their last known whereabouts: Bombay, India's moviemaking Mecca. Bombay cranks out six to eight hundred films a year, three times as many as Hollywood. That's why some call Bombay Bollywood. R.K. Movie Studio, one of Bombay's biggest, makes films called Masala movies. Fantasies that combine action, romance, comedy, and hit songs. Many people in India are too poor to own a TV, but most can scrape together eight rupees to see a film. Or they could until today when Double Trouble boogied into Bombay and stole the studio, the lights, the camera, the action, they're all gone. Gumshoes, you've got a job to do. Bust those twin twits and stop...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief ...THE BOLLYWOOD SHUFFLE!
Carmen: Boys, those ACME goons are on to us. Where've you been?
Double Trouble: Well, now, chill out, Carmen. We took the studio starlets ice skating in West Africa.
Carmen: Ice? In West Africa? Who do you think you're kidding?
Double Trouble: Not you, boss lady. We're at the Hotel Ivoire in Abidjan. Home of West Africa's first ice rink.
Carmen: Abidjan? That's just 5 degrees north of the Equator.
Double Trouble: Yep. Ain't modern refrigeration amazing? Listen, Carmen. We'll shake ACME as soon as we practice our Triple Sow Cow.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to El Paso, Texas)
Chief: Watch the altitude, Greg. The air gets thinner up high.
Greg: Don't worry, Chief, this is a pressurized basket.
Greg: Hello?
Neil Patrick Harris: Greg?
Greg: Yeah?
Neil: This is your doctor.
Greg: Yeah.
Neil: I got your letter about your little problem.
Greg: Well, I don't think I want you to talk about that on national--
Neil: No, No, there's nothing to be ashamed of, Greg. Lots of people drool in their sleep.
Greg: Oh, yeah.
Neil: All I suggest is, uh, sleep in a raincoat or put a spittoon by your bed.
Greg: Well, I think that's kinda silly.
Neil: And hey, hey, you're in good company, Greg. Plenty of celebrities drool.
Greg: Like who?
Neil: Lassie, Mr. Ed, Scooby Doo.
Greg: Yeah.
Neil: Benji.
Greg: Benji? (hangs up the phone) I had no idea what he was talkin' about. All of that was completely made up. What we're waiting for now is a call from Carmen Sandiego. (the phone rings again) There. This must be her. Yes? Thank you for callin'. (hands Folake the phone) It's for you.
Folake: Hello? (Double Trouble tell Folake to go to North America)

The Cheese Steak Brute Quake [3.29]

edit

[Eartha Brute steals Philadelphia, Pennsylvania's Cheesesteaks.]

Chief: And this is Eartha Brute, Carmen Sandiego's darling of devious deltoid devastation.
Rockapella: (singing) Eartha Brute, huh
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Philadelphia, PA, home of the world-renowned cheesesteak. These tasty fast-ordered delicacies are made by filling a soft hoagie roll with fried strips of thinly sliced beefsteak and topping it with melted cheese. Oh. Oh, that looks good. Personally, I like mine with extra, extra, extra, extra onions. Now, sure you can get them in other towns but take it from me, cheesesteaks taste better when you eat them in Philly, period. Or they did until today when Eartha Brute bibbed up then bopped off with all the cheesesteak in town, stopped her before she eats the whole haul for breakfast. Gumshoes, it's your job to solve...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE CHEESE STEAK BRUTE QUAKE!
Greg: For our next clue, we turn to our agent from ACME kindly dear old granny net. Hit it, Nana Rap!
Nana Rap: Thanks, sonny. Let's rock the house! (echoes 4 times and rock music plays)
Eartha's styling east with the Philly Steaks
To the biggest city in the smallest state.
In the 1630s, this town was formed,
So religious freedom could be the norm.
The Moshassuck River is where it set.
River number 2 is the Woonasquatucket.
Well, I'm droppin' Science, Greggie dear.
Check you later.
I'm outta here!
'Cause I'm the Nana! (echoes) Nana!
Greg: Nana Rap, ladies and gentlemen! Let's hear it for her please.
Carmen: Eartha, I'm sending you to Lilongwe, an African capital. But first, get some new clothes.
Eartha: But, Carmen. I like what I'm wearing. It shows my muscles.
Carmen: Well, this is a very modest country. Women can't wear shorts or pants. They're against the law.
Eartha: Oh, sure. And the guys get to wear what they want?
Carmen: Nope. Long hair that touches the collar is against the law. So are bell bottom trousers.
Eartha: Gee. Then I guess I gotta go shopping. There just isn't much selection in the size 82 petite, you know.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Stockholm, Sweden)
Chief: Greg, do we really need all these wagons?
Greg: I had to make sure we brought enough snack food along, Chief. Want a pretzel?
Greg: Nobel Library. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Shh!
Rockapella: (each time the Cheesesteaks are revealed in the 2nd round)
Heisted hoagies!
Fallen hero!
Phil-a-delphia cheesesteak! (sung to Elton John's Philadelphia Freedom)
Grounded grinder!
Go, Caitlin!
Go, Devon!
The Loot!

Heavy Medal Meddler [3.30]

edit

[Sarah Nade steals the Chinese Olympic medals.]

Chief: And this is Sarah Nade, Carmen's pointy-haired princess of punk.
Rockapella: (singing) Sarah Nade
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: China. Mao Zedong wasn't wild about competition, so it wasn't until 1984 that Communist China sponsored an Olympic team. That year, they won 32 medals and they've been improving ever since. Many of China's medals were won by women who excelled in sports like volleyball and diving. Now more than one in five people on earth are Chinese, so there'd seem to be no limit to China's Olympic potential. Or at least, there wasn't until today when Sarah Nade rolled into China, pinned every last Chinese Olympic medal to her ears, and rollerbooted for the borderline. Gumshoes, you'd better catch Carmen and grab that HEAVY MEDAL MEDDLER!

Unfair Exchange (Stock Shock) [3.31]

edit

[Wonder Rat steals Mongolia's Stock Market.]

Chief: And this is Wonder Rat, Carmen Sandiego's self-promoting stuperhero.
Rockapella: (singing) Wonder Rat
Chief: His last known whereabouts: Ulan Bator, Mongolia. In 1990, Mongolia ditched Communism. The job of turning government enterprises into private businesses went to a group of young economists headed by a 27-year-old named Naidansurengiin Zoljargel. They opened a stock market. Every citizen got vouchers to buy stock in former state-run businesses. The trick was: to size up a business before buying. Would it do well or would it go bust, hmm? Ha, welcome to the wacky world of capitalism. It's not perfect, but it works. Or it did until today when Wonder Rat oozed into Ulan Bator and scooted with the stock market. Gumshoes, you got to catch Carmen and her craven critter and stop the...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...UNFAIR EXCHANGE or STOCK SHOCK!
Rockapella: It's a Video-Music Clue,... Greg!
Chief: Here's a list of places Carmen may have traveled.
Greg: Chief, wait a minute. Hey, hey. That doesn't happen now. You're completely way too early. What are you doin'?
Chief: Well-- Well, you're right, Greg.
Greg: Yeah.
Chief: I was just going by this schedule.
Greg: Well, your schedule is wrong then, Chief. All right? (lightning flashes a second time) Wait a minute! It's not time for the Lightning Round! Just excuse me just one moment, guys. We got a real scheduling problem. I'll try to straighten this out. Be right back. (enters the office)
Chief: All these people want to know...!
Greg: CHIEF! Please! You already did that part! Please.
Chief: I thought something didn't feel quite right.
Greg: Exactly.
Rockapella: Ooooooooooooooooooooh...!
(Barry and Sean run in, dressed as a safari hunter and gorilla, respectively, when Greg stops them and the music)
Greg: Hey, guys! WHOA-WHOA! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Listen! It's not time for the Chase! Okay?! I'm sorry!
(Sean removes his gorilla mask and looks at a piece of paper)
Sean: According to my schedule, it's time for the Chase.
Greg: (takes the schedule) This is not a schedule. This is a discarded piece of paper from the producers.
Chief: You're right. Sorry, boys. Back to the alley.
Greg: Sorry. Sorry. (Barry and Sean both exit the office) Listen, Chief, we're gonna have to do this thing for memory. Okay? Uh, okay, guys, (does the contest rules with the Chief)
Chief: Then, we congratulate the winners.
Greg: Right.
Greg and the Chief: Do it, Rockapella!
Chief: No, that's not it. It's got--
Greg: Hold it. No. See, you gotta-- You're still on this.
Chief: Oh.
Greg: Okay.
Greg and the Chief: Congratulations.
(Greg laughs)
Chief: Great.
Greg: Phew.
Chief: Now, we can go on with the show. (the show stops showing all of a sudden followed by static clouding as the screen becomes clearer, showing Greg out of the Chief's Office and looking at the new schedule)
Greg: Okay, I have an updated schedule, and it's, uh, Phone Tap.
Wonder Rat: Carmen, this is a real bull market.
Carmen: ACME is bearing down on you. Take the stock market to Canada and deep six it in a bay that borders Michigan and the province of Ontario.
Wonder Rat: Can I sell shares on the shores?
Carmen: No, you have to lay low. Hide out in a town named after the bay. You can't miss it. It's the largest port on Lake Superior.
Wonder Rat: Lake Superior? Great. A body of water whose name reflects my marvelous character. (giggles)
Carmen: No, that would be Lake Dolt.
Wonder Rat: D'oh.
Greg: You know, I feel the blues coming on.
Rockapella: Greg, we need you.
Greg, we need you.
Oh, yes, we do.
Greg: Look for that rat-faced
boy in a city
Where Bessie Smith sang
the blues so pretty.
He's a filthy rodent.
Big and blue.
Rockapella: Big and blue.
Greg: All right.
Bessie sang like
no one before.
She made the blues popular from
shore to shore.
Stick that stinkin' rat face
in a zoo.
Rockapella: In a zoo.
Greg: C'mon, boys.
This southeastern Tennessee town's name
might just suit you,
if ya sing about a...
A famous Choo-Choo!
Bust that filthy rodent...
If you do.
All: If you do.
If you do!
(applause)
Greg: (shakes the hands of the watching crowd) Oh, yeah! Thanks a lot!
Rockapella: Greg, go away.
Greg, go away.
You go away.
Greg: Good to see ya, guys. How are ya? Nice. Thanks for comin' out tonight, you guys. Hey, remember your waiters tonight, everybody. Thank you. One more time, let's give it up to the best vocal band in America! Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen! (applause)
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to St. Louis, Missouri)
Greg: I think the alignment is a little off on this car, Chief.
Chief: Uh, just a hunch, Greg, but maybe it's the road.
Greg: Eads Bridge. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Nothing!
Greg: Thank you!
Rockapella: Save it! (Greg laughs)
Greg: Hello?
Joe Biden: Greg, Senator Joe Biden here.
Greg: Oh, hey, Senator.
Joe: I just wanted to let you know that I proposed a Congressional resolution naming you "The Best Detective of the Year".
Greg: Why thank you, sir.
Joe: But some people were more comfortable with "Best Detective of the Month".
Greg: Uh-huh.
Joe: And a few preferred "Best Detective of the Work Week". Then someone suggested "best" is an awfully strong word, so we decided to name you "The Somewhat Notable Detective of the Next 12 Minutes". Congratulations, Greg.
Greg: Thank you very much, sir. Thank you. Good-bye! Thank you. (hangs up phone and talks to Sharee) Can you believe that? Can you believe that? (phone rings again) Oh, hold on a second. (answers phone again) Yes? Yeah, she's right here. This one's for you. (hands phone to Sharee)
Sharee: Hello? (Wonder Rat tells Sharee to go to Asia)
Chief: This is Lynne Thigpen for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?, and remember: ACME Gumshoes top all others, and we always phone our mothers.

The Slick Ship Ripoff [3.32]

edit

[Vic the Slick steals the Gdansk Shipyard.]

Chief: And this is Vic the Slick, that clown who spells class with a capital K.
Rockapella: (singing) Vic the Slick
Chief: His last known whereabouts: Gdansk, Poland. In 1980, Lech Walęsa led workers at a Gdansk shipyard at a braid strike against Poland's Communist government. They called their union, "Solidarity." The government banned Solidarity but you know what happened. Communism fell in Poland and Lech Walęsa became president. The shipyard in Gdansk is still running, located on one of Poland's busiest ports. Or it was until today when Vic the Slick floated into Gdansk, wielded his welder and heavy-duty tin snips, and then shipped out with the shipyard. Gumshoes, the Polish people are depending on you. Get back the shipyard and close the book on today's caper...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE SLICK SHIP RIPOFF!
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Zambia)
Greg: Chief, I love these little cars! Where'd ya get 'em?
Chief: Oh, ACME Wet Muffler-Net sent them over.
Rockapella: (each time the Gdansk Shipyard is revealed)
Ship sham!
Yanked yards!
Anchors Aweigh, my boy! (Theme song of the U.S. Navy)
Gdone Gdansk!

Chip & Disk's Rescue Rangers [3.33]

edit

[Kneemoi steals Mombasa, Kenya's computer memory.]

Chief: And this is Kneemoi. There's a posse on every planet pursuing this perpetrator.
Rockapella: (singing) Kneemoi
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Mombasa, Kenya's second largest city. The deep calm waters of Mombasa's harbor have attracted shipping for centuries, and shipping means big business. What do Mombasa's corporation count on for communications, calculations, and commerce? Computers, of course. But computers aren't much without their memories and that's what's missing in Mombasa. Today, Kneemoi mamboed into Mombasa, disguised herself as a computer virus, and infected every motherboard, every other board, every chip and disk. The memories gone from every computer in Mombasa. Gumshoes, you've got to become...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...CHIP & DISK'S RESCUE RANGERS!
Greg: So we'll get started with our very first clue, which come to us from ACME Tonight-Net agent Jay Leno. Jay.
Jay: Hey, gumshoes. Kneemoi is on an island in the Indian Ocean, east of Madagascar. You know who used to live there? Uh, dodo birds. Big headed, waddling, flightless guys that kinda look like huge distorted pigeons. You won't get the scoop on Kneemoi from the dodos though. They've been extinct for about 320 years. So you're gonna have to snag her yourself.
Greg: Thanks, Jay.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Lagos, Nigeria)
Greg: Buckle up, Chief. This thing's pretty fast.
Chief: I can't buckle up, Greg. I'm digital.
Greg: Queen's College. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Nothing!
Greg: Thank you!
Rockapella: No problemo! (Greg laughs)
Greg: Federal Palace Hotel. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Nothing!
Greg: Thank you!
Rockapella: It's a livin'! (Greg laughs)

Badwoman Steals Goodman [3.34]

edit

[Patty Larceny steals the Goodman Theatre.]

Chief: And this is Patty Larceny, Carmen Sandiego's sweet and sneaky schoolgirl.
Rockapella: (singing) P-P-P-Patty
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Chicago, Illinois. You might think American theater starts and ends at Broadway, but there are professional theaters all over the country. Chicago's Goodman Theater is one of the best. That's why actors like Brian Dennehy and Kathleen Turner perform there alongside the Goodman's resident company. The Goodman has presented live drama, comedy, and musicals since 1925. Or it did until today when Patty Larceny showed up armed with an autographed book and a bouquet. She took center stage and rocked the place to tears, then she mopped it off and vanished into thin air. Gumshoes, you've got to close this case...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...BADWOMAN STEALS GOODMAN!
Eggman: EGGMAN!! YEAH!
Audience: (sleeps)
Greg: Come on, you guys! Come on! The Eggman!
Audience: (applauds)
Carmen: Come on. Answer. ACME's closing in!
Patty: (on answering machine) Hi. This is Patty. I can't come to the phone right now. Leave a message and if I can fit you into my busy schedule, I'll get back to you. (machine beeps)
Carmen: Guess who, twinkletoes? If you don't scram, I'll be leaving messages with your warden. Take the theatre to a capital on the Danube River. The nightlife there has been buzzing since the fall of Communism. Restaurants, cafes, and theatres are all crowded with people. There's even a Pah shopping street nicknamed the Fifth Avenue of eastern Europe. And one more thing, I really hate answering machines. (machine beeps and Carmen hangs up the phone)
(the Chief sings "The Wheels on the Bus" as she, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Wuhan, China)
Chief: And the wheels on the bus go round and round. Round and round. Round and round. Around--
Greg: Chief. Chief. Chief, I've always hated that song.
Rockapella: (each time the Goodman Theatre is revealed)
Thievin' theatre!
Pilfered persinium!
Another openin'! (a la Ethel Merman)
Stage handled!

Tattoo Snafu [3.35]

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[Kneemoi steals Borneo's tattoos]

Chief: And this is Kneemoi, Carmen Sandiego's spaced out space fund.
Rockapella: (singing) Kneemoi
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Borneo, the world's third largest island. All societies have their own art forms and Borneo's Kayan, Kenyah, and Iban peoples are no exception. They practice the art of tattooing for generations. That's right, tattoos are not something your older sister thought up to scare your mom. They date back thousands of years to hundreds of different cultures. Not all of Borneo's people wear tattoos, but those who do take pride in their skin art. Or they did until today when Kneemoi skinned the tattoos away without a trace. She thinks they'd make great road maps on her home planet Roddenberry. Gumshoes, you've got to nail Kneemoi, catch Carmen, and stop...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...the TATTOO SNAFU!
Carmen: Kneemoi, take the tattoos to another rainforest in an African country on the equator. Many people there believe in magic.
Kneemoi: Ah, yes. Even we aliens admired his basketball prowess.
Carmen: Not Magic Johnson. Magic. You know, people turning into animals, that sort of thing. Lots of citizens follow a religion called Bwiti. It combines some Catholic rituals brought by French settlers with the magical belief of the original people.
Kneemoi: Where should I hide out?
Carmen: Go to Libreville on the Atlantic coast until the pressure's off.
Kneemoi: Okay, boss. Remember, keep your sleeves bon shiny.
Greg: (as he, the Chief, and the gumshoes prepare for departure to the Mississippi River) Okay, guys, uh, remember, it's time for us now to go the Mississippi River. We're gonna try to find Kneemoi and the tattoos. You guys all ready to go?
Erin: Yeah.
Allison: Yep.
Chief: Uh, Greg? I got some information for us.
Greg: Yeah, Chief?
Chief: Time for us to get a move on!
Greg: Okay. We're goin' (shakes the screen as he holds it upside-down) Something is definitely the matter with this. Okay.
Erin: Want me to take your hat?
Greg: If you would take the hat please, and if you go out this way. I'll be-- You guys have a shoetree 'cause I forgot to pack mine. I wanna just make sure. I could borrow yours then? Great. (while traveling) Carmen can't outrun us while we're in this, Chief.
Chief: Yeah, but she'll probably see us coming.
Kneemoi: Oh, another planet, another prison cell. Maybe I could spend my sentence getting to know Carmen better. Look for her in Europe.

The Deer Disappear [3.36]

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[Vic the Slick steals the Nara Deer.]

Chief: And this is Vic the Slick, Carmen Sandiego's mealy-mouthed mustachioed marauder.
Rockapella (singing) Vic the Slick
Chief: His last known whereabouts: Nara, Japan, the nation's first permanent capital from 710 to 784 A.D. Nowadays, the city's famous for Nara Park and the 1,000 rare shika deer that wander its grounds. They're tame and extremely popular with park visitors. Some members of the Shinto religion even considered them Divine Spirit Messengers. But yesterday, the hooved hot shots involuntarily vacated the premises, when that sauntering decanter of banter Vic the Slick tiptoed into the park, unleashed his lasso and departed with the deer. He's thinking of selling them to Santa as a 2nd string team. Gumshoes, you've got to catch Carmen and stop that creep who made...
Rockapella (singing): Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE DEER DISAPPEAR!

ABCee Ya Later [3.37]

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[Wonder Rat steals the Australian Broadcasting Corporation]

Chief: And this is Wonder Rat, that self-glorifying snout-faced nibbler who works for Camren Sandiego.
Rockapella: (singing) Wonder Rat
Chief: His last known whereabouts: the Australian Airwaves. Times are tough for Australian television. Recently, all three of the country's commercial TV networks declared bankruptcy, but one network is doing well: ABC, the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. It's a government funded public network. Once regarded as a stodgy producer of science and news programs, ABC has become a crowd-pleaser. Or it had until today when Wonder Rat, with the help of his hired hopping hooligans, purloined the programming from ABC. While his ruse reconnoitered, the rat remained. Gumshoes, you got to catch Carmen, rope the rat, and solve today's case...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...ABCee YA LATER!
William Ragsdale: (hears the sound of a stampede) Remember the ACME Triangle of Excellence, Gumshoes: (forms the Triangle with his hands) Vigilance, Dedication, Courage!
Chief: Here's a list of places Carmen may have traveled.
Greg: Chief, what are you doin'? You are completely off. That is not the right thing. It's not time for that!
Chief: Well-- Well, you're right Greg. I was just going by this schedule.
Greg: Well, then, your schedule is wrong, Chief. I'm sorry. (lightning flashes a second time) Excuse me! We-- We already had the Lightning Round! Listen, guys. We're havin' some kinda scheduling problem. I'm sorry. Lemme go try to work this out. I'll be right back.
(the rest of the office sketch is the same as in "Unfair Exchange")
Carmen: I think ACME's ready to spring a trap on you.
Wonder Rat: Geez, I'd better stop... (sniffs) ...sniffin' around here, then.
Carmen: Take the network to a Spanish town on the Mediterranean Sea. It's where artist Pablo Picasso was born. You can hole up in the Gibralfaro, an ancient Moorish castle.
Wonder Rat: Gee, that's great! A TV network, a castle? Hoo-hoo! I'm travelin' in style! I wanna be as famous as Michael Jackson. Hee.
Carmen: You're gonna be as busted as Michael Milton if you don't move your tail.
Chief: Greg?
Greg: Yes?
Chief: There's mustard on your sleeve.
Greg: No kidding. (rubs his sleeve) Oh, gee. Sorry about that. I'll take care of that later on. Okay, thanks, Chief.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Indianapolis, Indiana)
Chief: Greg, didn't I tell you to get this road flattened?
Greg: Sorry, Chief. I've been busy trainin' Gumshoes.
Greg: (before the Jailtime Challenge) You guys were tied at the end of the last round. We flipped a coin. Antonio, you won that toin coss. Toin coss? That cossed toin. You won. (laughter) You're gonna go first. Go ahead.
Rockapella: (each time Shoeprints are revealed) Near Scott's house!
1 mile from Scott's house!
Scott: (on his own) 1 mile from my house!
Rockapella: (each time the Australian Broadcasting Corporation is revealed)
Netted network!
Pilfered primetime!
Aussie lossie!
Plunder down under!
No show!
Don't touch that dial!
Go, Antonio!
Rockapella: (when Antonio wins the 2nd round) Wonder Rat! TOUCHÉ!

Rude Robot's Reckless, Ridiculous Rocket Ripoff [3.38]

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[Robocrook steals Kazakhstan's Baikonur Cosmodrome.]

Chief: And this is Robocrook, Carmen Sandiego's silvery cylinder of slyness.
Rockapella: (singing) Robocrook
Chief: His last known whereabouts: Kazakhstan. The Baikonur Cosmodrome is the huge complex where Soviet rockets were built and launched. Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, blasted off from Baikonur in 1961. Over time, the cosmodrome sent up over 800 rockets. The countries of the former U.S.S.R. want to continue their space program, but they're searching for a partner to share the program's expense. That search was interrupted today when Robocrook boosted Baikonur and blasted off. Gumshoes, you got to capture Carmen, recoup the cosmodrome, and derail that...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...RUDE ROBOT'S RECKLESS, RIDICULOUS ROCKET RIPOFF!
Greg: (about the Clue-Fish) I gotta get rid of the fish here. (to the audience) You guys want me to... You want me to save it, or d'you want me to fry it?
Audience: (chant) FRY IT! FRY IT! FRY IT! FRY IT!
Greg: Oh, no-no-no, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Hey! Hey! Hey! He's my buddy! I'm gonna save him! C'mon! (he throws the fish into the water) Sorry about that, audience!
Carmen: Go to an ocean community off Africa's northwest coast. It's made up of 13 islands.
Robo: Which one is my destination?
Carmen: Try Gomera. The locals sometimes speak a whistle language called Silbo. You know how to speak Silbo, don't you?
Robo: Sure. Just put your lips together, and blow.
Carmen: Gomera was the last place Columbus visited before leaving for the New World. Legend says he was delayed because he fell in love.
Robo: You humans are hopelessly romantic.
Carmen: At least we don't rust when it rains.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Brasília, Brazil)
Chief: Boy, this is the way to travel, eh, Greg?
Greg: You said, Chief. Hey, pass the complimentary mixed nuts, huh?

Tivoli Misery [3.39]

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[Eartha Brute steals Tivoli Park.]

Chief: And this is Eartha Brute, that brainless bruiser from Carmen's barge full of burglars.
Rockapella: (singing) Eartha Brute, huh
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Copenhagen, Denmark. Ah, Copenhagen's Tivoli Park at night, oh, the lights thousands in every color, and the music, there's a classical concert hall, a downstairs jazz club, an oriental theater, and the food, more than 25 restaurants serving everything from traditional Danish cuisine to quick snacks. I love the place, and I am livid because today, Eartha Brute, cruising through Copenhagen, trucked into Tivoli. The brass bands, bumper cars, and bright lights all beckoned to her so she burgled the whole batch. Gumshoes, you've got to relieve this...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...TIVOLI MISERY!
Carmen: Eartha, those ACME agents are closing in. Head for a historical city in Japan.
Eartha: (gasps) A hysterical city, Carmen?! Why are they so upset?
Carmen: I said historical city, Eartha! No one's upset! There are hundreds of shrines there and millions of Japanese tourists visit every year.
Eartha: Jeez, they come all the way from Japan? That place must be really special.
Carmen: Earth to Eartha! This place is in Japan! Now, just get going to Honshū Island.
Eartha: Carmen, have you been under a lot of stress lately?
Carmen: Just get going!
Chief: (at the end of the 1st round) Uh, big problems here, Greg. Uh, we're out of ACME Travel Kits.
Greg: Well, Chief, isn't there anything you can do? Huh?
Chief: Hmm, uh, nope. Sorry.
Greg: But what about the hologram? You could use the hologram!
Chief: (gasps) That's a great idea!
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Havana, Cuba)
Chief: (coughs) Aren't we a little conspicuous driving these?
Greg: Ah, Chief, she'll never see us comin'.
Chief: (coughs) Yeah, but she'll see the dust a mile away.
(as the gumshoes have been struggling to find The Warrant in the 2nd round)
Rockapella: The Warrant!
Greg: Oh! (crowd screams) You have the Loot! You have the Warrant! Do you remember where Eartha is?!
Collin: The Ice Cream Parlor.
Greg: (to the board) Is she still at Coppelia Ice Cream Parlor?!
(Eartha is revealed)
Rockapella: (singing) Eartha Brute! HUH! BABALOO!!!

Playing for All the Marbles [3.40]

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[Robocrook steals the marble quarries from Carrara, Italy.]

Chief: And this is Robocrook, Carmen Sandiego's burgling bag of bolts, bits, and bytes.
Rockapella: (singing) Robocrook
Chief: His last known whereabouts: Carrara, Italy. In the 1st century B.C., Roman Emperor Augustus opened several marble quarries near Carrara. Their stone built The Pantheon, several Imperial forums, and many other buildings. The Roman Empire fell but the quarries live on. They provided stone for the Tower of Pisa, Michelangelo's David, the St. Petersburg Hermitage, and even New York's World Trade Center. There are now 225 active quarries around Carrara. Or there were until today when Robocrook, that titanium troublemaker, cruised into Carrara and cribbed every last crumb of marble. You got to catch Carmen and round up Robo. This time, you're...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...PLAYING FOR ALL THE MARBLES!

Time Line Crime Time [3.41]

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[Kneemoi steals the International Date Line from the Pacific Ocean.]

Chief: And this is Kneemoi, Carmen Sandiego's flying fluid felon from a faroff galaxy.
Rockapella: (singing) Kneemoi
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: the Pacific Ocean. In 1884, an international split the world up into 24 time zones. When it's noon Friday here, it's 11:00am in the next zone west here, and 10:00am here, 9:00am here, 8:00am here, and so on until you get all the way around to here where it's midnight on Thursday. Now this line between midnight Thursday and midnight Friday is called the International Date Line. But the world's timing went kaflooey today, gumshoes, when Kneemoi powered into the Pacific. She strolled from pole to pole and stole the whole Date Line. No one's gonna know what time it is until you get it back, gumshoes. Nab Kneemoi, catch Carmen, and solve today's case...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...TIME LINE CRIME TIME!

Signed, Stealed, and Delivered [3.42]

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[Patty Larceny steals some airport signals and signs.]

Chief: And this is Patty Larceny, Carmen Sandiego's twinkling teenage terrorist.
Rockapella: (singing) P-P-P-Patty
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: the world's transportation system. Over the last 30 years or so, airports and train stations around the world have adopted roughly the same set of sign pictures to assist their evermore international flow of passengers. The international transportation-related symbols can help you tell a denwa from a zōn. Or they did until today when Patty Larceny made a mad dash through every airport in the world and stole all the symbols. She also wrapped up a huge load of frequent flyer miles. Gumshoes, here's your job: capture Carmen, put Patty in the pokey, and bring back those symbols...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-ooo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...SIGNED, STEALED, AND DELIVERED!
Patty: I used to be a sweet innocent schoolgirl. Now I'm a sweet guilty schoolgirl and it's all Carmen's fault! Go look for her in Europe.
Greg: Everybody, repeat after me! It's time...!
Audience: It's time...!
Greg: To catch...!
Audience: To catch...!
Greg: Carmen Sandiego!
Audience: Carmen Sandiego!
Greg: I said it's time...!
Audience: It's time...!
Greg: To catch...!
Audience: To catch...!
Greg: Carmen Sandiego!
Audience: Carmen Sandiego!

I Only Have Spice for You [3.43]

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[Grunge steals all of Indonesia's spices.]

Chief: And this is Top Grunge, Carmen Sandiego's creepiest criminal crudball.
Rockapella: (singing) Top Grunge
Chief: His last known whereabouts: the nation of Indonesia. Since the early Middle Ages, Indonesia has been famous for its spices. Ginger, cinnamon, saffron, and most important of all, pepper. The Dutch and the Portuguese invaded these islands in search of spice and occupied them for hundreds of years. Now, Indonesia is independent, but spice is still big business there. Just about all the pepper, consumed in the USA, comes from the Indonesian island of Java and Sumatra. Or it did until today when Top Grunge decided to do a little shopping. He roared through Indonesia and stole every last grain of spice in the rice, I mean, price. Gumshoes, you've got to stop that felonious flimball and solve today's case...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ... I ONLY HAVE SPICE FOR YOU!

Has Anybody Cinema Festival? [3.44]

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[Double Trouble steal the Cannes Film Festival from France.]

Chief: And this is Double Trouble, Carmen Sandiego's felonious fraternal fakers.
Rockapella (singing) Double Trouble (Trouble)
Chief: Their last known whereabouts: Cannes, France. In 1946, Cannes began hosting the world famous International Film Festival. Each May, movie insiders from around the world converge in Cannes Palais des Festivals. Hundreds of new films are screened. The careers of many famous directors have been advanced here, from Francǫis Truffaut to Lina Wertmüller to Spike Lee. But the flicks stopped flickering today when Double Trouble boogied along the bagged the festival. They want to turn the palais into a drive-in movie. Gumshoes, your job is to drub Double Trouble, keelhaul Carmen, and answer Cannes anxious question...
Rockapella: (singing) Oh!
Chief: ...HAS ANYBODY CINEMA FESTIVAL?

Patty Larceny's Pink Lake Pinch [3.45]

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[Patty Larceny steals the Lac Rose lake from Senegal.]

Chief: And this is Patty Larceny, the scurrilous schoolgirl who scams for Carmen Sandiego.
Rockapella: (singing) P-P-P-Patty
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Mboro, Senegal. Just outside of the oceanside town of Mboro lies a small body of water called Lac Rose. Its name means pink lake in French. Here's why: the lake is a cloudy pink, not blue like the nearby ocean. The strange hue comes from the lake's heavy concentration of salt. Many local workers make their living from the lake, extracting salt or selling it. Or they did until today when Patty Larceny, who adores anything pink, cruised up to the shore, activated her VILE ShopVac, and drained the lake dry. Gumshoes, you've got to corral Carmen and polish off...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief ...PATTY LARCENY'S PINK LAKE PINCH!

Sonic Tectonic Catastrophe [3.46]

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[Sarah Nade steals the Australian Tectonic Plate from the Indian Ocean.]

Chief: And this is Sarah Nade, Carmen Sandiego's raging wrongdoing rock-and-roller.
Rockapella: (singing) Sarah Nade
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: the Indian Ocean. The Earth's crust is made of cold rigid rock, but just because it's solid doesn't mean it stays in one place. The crust in made of 20 or so massive slabs called tectonic plates. The plates float on a layer of molten rock. Their constant movement causes earthquakes and volcanoes and even shifts continents. Take the Indo-Australian Plate for example. Its movement detacthed Australia from Antarctica around 95 million years ago, then just 28 million years ago, it pushed up the Himalayan Mountains. Well, today, tectonic movement got a lot faster because Sarah Nade, using the sonic rumblings of her band music, blasted the Indo-Australian plate loose, gave it the hook, and dragged it away. Gumshoes, you have to undo...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...the SONIC TECTONIC CATASTROPHE!

Gobi Go Bye Bye (Desert Desertion) [3.47]

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[Kneemoi steals the Gobi Desert from Mongolia and China.]

Chief: And this is Kneemoi, Carmen Sandiego's polymorphous pilferer from the planet Roddenberry.
Rockapella: (singing) Kneemoi
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Mongolia and China. You want to know about dry, I'll tell you about dry. The Gobi is the world's largest desert, that's dry. It's in the center of Asia, so it's extra far from ocean waters and the mountain ranges surrounding the Gobi keep moist air from getting in, now we're talking dry here. The thin grasslands, on the outskirts of the desert called steps, only get about 10 inches of rain a year. Now how's that for dry? Well, today, Kneemoi sucked up every last grain of the Gobi. She had a light dinner today, so she decided to follow it with a big desert. Gumshoes, you've got to crack today's case...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...GOBI GO BYE BYE or the DESERT DESERTION!

The Burgled Bridge [3.48]

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[Vic the Slick steals the Brooklyn Bridge from New York.]

Chief: And this is Vic the Slick, that slimy salesman from Carmen Sandiego's roost of Wranglers.
Rockapella: (singing) Vic the Slick
Chief: His last known whereabouts: the East River in New York City. Completed in 1883, the Brooklyn Bridge is an architectural and engineering masterwork. It linked two of America's biggest cities: New York and Brooklyn. These days, Brooklyn is part of New York City and the bridge is a vital artery. Every day, nearly 130,000 people drive on the bridge or walk or bike the elevated promenade. Until today, that is. Every crooked salesman dreams of selling the Brooklyn Bridge and Vic wants to be the first to succeed, so today, using his criminal cutting torch, he detached the bridge from its massive mooring and wafted it away. Gumshoes, you've got to vaporize Vic, catch Carmen, and bring back...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE BURGLED BRIDGE!

Happy Happy Troy Troy (They're Smarta in Sparta) [3.49]

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[Kneemoi steals the Trojan horse from ancient Greece.]

Chief: And this is Kneemoi, Carmen Sandiego's out on bailey alien.
Rockapella: (singing) Kneemoi
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: the legends of ancient Greece. And speaking of the legends of ancient Greece, here's one of my faves: Greece and Troy fought a 10-year war. Just as the Greeks were about to lose, they came up with a plan. They built a huge wooden horse, left it outside Troy's city gate, and scooted. The Trojan assumed the horse was a token of surrender. They hauled it in and partied. When the party was over, 50 Greeks hiding inside the horse snuck out and opened the city gates. The Greek army stormed Troy and burned it to the ground. Fact or fiction? No one knows. But one thing's for sure, the Trojan horse is gone because today, Kneemoi tweaked the time-space continuum and time warped into ancient Troy. She said hi to the horse, gave him the eye, then used her Roddenberrian resources to zap him out of there. Gumshoes, you've got to solve...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo
Chief: ...HAPPY HAPPY TROY TROY or...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo
Chief: ...THEY'RE SMARTA IN SPARTA!

Can't Help Falling In Lava [3.50]

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[Eartha Brute steals the Volcán Atitlán from Chichicastenango, Guatemala.]

Chief: And this is Eartha Brute, Carmen Sandiego's unbrainy barrel of burglarizing brawn.
Rockapella: (singing) Eartha Brute, huh
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: the town of Chichicastenango, Guatemala. Just outside this lovely market town lies Atitlán Volcano, one of three volcanoes that surround Lake Atitlán. The lake is about 5,000 feet up in the Sierra Madres, and Atitlán Volcano rises 6,000 feet higher. The volcano hasn't had a major eruption in more than 100 years, but that doesn't mean the volcano's dead. The crater still smokes and steams regularly. Or it did until today when Eartha Brute chugged through Chichicastenango, looked across the lake, and absconded with Atitlán. Gumshoes, you've got to return Atitlán to Atitlán, bust Eartha and Carmen, and wrap up today's case...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...CAN'T HELP FALLING IN LAVA!

J. Edgar Hoover Manuever [3.51]

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[Double Trouble steal the J. Edgar Hoover Building from Washington, D.C.]

Chief: And this is Double Trouble, Carmen Saniego's brassy brazen brothers in burglary.
Rockapella: (singing) Double Trouble (Trouble)
Chief: Their last known whereabouts: Washington, D.C. The J. Edgar Hoover Building is national headquarters of the FBI. Named after the bureau's most famous director, it's the heart of the FBI's fight against terrorism, kidnapping, extortion, and organized crime, and every day, thousands of visitors come to see exhibits and target-shooting demonstrations. But this morning, Double Trouble turned on their vacuum and hoovered up the Hoover Building. Oh, dear, how embarrassing. It's the size of a city block and they want to throw the biggest block party ever. Gumshoes, you've got to capture Carmen and halt the J. EDGAR HOOVER MANUEVER!

Where's That Humongous Fungus Among Us? [3.52]

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[Eartha Brute steals the Armillaria bulbosa humongous fungus from Crystal Falls, Michigan.]

Chief: And this is Eartha Brute, that mega-muscled maker of mayhem from Carmen's gang of goons.
Rockapella: (singing) Eartha Brute, huh
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Crystal Falls, Michigan. In 1988, scientists began a startling discovery in a forest near Crystal Falls. They found one of the world's largest living organisms. It's called Armillaria bulbosa, a single giant fungus of intertwined tendrils and mushrooms. The fungus weighs over 100 tons, covers more than 35 acres. It's been growing for about 10,000 years and it hasn't stopped yet. But it was uprooted today when Eartha Brute, driving her fearsome fungus fetcher, plowed into the forest and took every last tentacle. Gumshoes, you got to unearth Eartha, reearth that fungus, and answer the question...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...WHERE'S THAT HUMONGOUS FUNGUS AMONG US?

The Patty Pony Pinch [3.53]

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[Patty Larceny steals the ponies from Chincoteague Island, Virginia.]

Chief: And this is Patty Larceny, that terrible teenager from Carmen's court of creeps.
Rockapella: (singing) P-P-P-Patty
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Chincoteague Island, Virginia. Chincoteague Island's fame come from a herd of wild ponies. Most of the year, the ponies live across the channel on nearby Assateague Island, but every July, ponies from Assateague wild herds are rounded up, driven across the channel to Chincoteague, and sold at auction. The ones that aren't sold swim back to Assateague the next day. This tradition dates back more than 65 years. Until today, that is when Patty Larceny crashed the auction with her Pony Patty Wagon and filched every foal and filly. Gumshoes, you got to ride to the rescue, pinch Patty, corral Carmen Sandiego, and put an end to...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE PATTY PONY PINCH!
Barry: A horse is a horse, of course, of course!
(Patty tells Gabriel to go to North America)
Greg: What did she say?
Gabriel: I don't know. I couldn't hear her.
Greg: Well, I have a pretty good idea we're going to North America. NORTH AMERICA! CHIEF!

The Big Boom Bust [3.54]

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[Robocrook steals the Stanley Park Cannon or the "9 O'Clock Gun" from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.]

Chief: And this is Robocrook, Carmen Sandiego's sinister silicon servant.
Rockapella: (singing) Robocrook
Chief: His last known whereabouts: Vancouver, British Columbia. Vancouver's Stanley Park Cannon has been in place for 98 years, and every day at 9:00pm, it goes boom. (explosion) The tradition goes back to the turn of the century when the gun was used to tell fishermen it was time to bring their boats in. (explosion) Vancouver has grown a lot since then, but the 9 O'Clock gun still fires. Every morning, a city worker packs it with powder, and every night, an electric fuse wired to a clock sets it off. (explosion) Or it did until today when Robocrook subbed into Stanley Park. He scoped out the cannon, uncaged it, and carried it off. Gumshoes, you got to rope Robocrook and solve today's case...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE BIG BOOM BUST!

The Losin' the Blues Blues [3.55]

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[Kneemoi steals blues music from Chicago, Illinois.]

Chief: And this is Kneemoi, Carmen Sandiego's evil extraterrestrial associate.
Rockapella: (singing) Kneemoi
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Chicago, Illinois. Chicago style blues was popularized by performers like Muddy Waters, Howlin' Wolf, and Willie Dixon, most of whom were former southerners. Blues music began in the south when African-American musician forged the styles from the spirituals, work songs, and ballads of the 19th century. Today in Chicago, you can still hear great blues musicians crank out the tunes. Stars like Buddy Guy, Koko Taylor, and Sunnyland Slim. Or you could until today when Kneemoi hit the Southside to take in some tunes. When Kneemoi gets into the music, she really gets into the music. She liked it so much she took it with her when she left. Gumshoes, you've got to stop the sad sound of...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE LOSIN' THE BLUES BLUES!

Who Copped the Afro-Pop? [3.56]

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[Double Trouble steal the Juju music from West Africa]

Chief: And this is Double Trouble, Carmen's twin pack of tricks and treachery.
Rockapella: (singing) Double Trouble (Trouble)
Chief: Their last known whereabouts: West Africa. What reggae is to Jamaica, Juju is to the West African nation. A homegrown form of pop music. (music plays) Juju grew from the music of the Yoruba people. Band leaders, like Ebenezer Obey and King Sunny Ade, combined the talking drum patterns of the jungle with soft singing and electric and slide guitars. But today, those bopping bands fell silent because Juju music is gone. Double Trouble wailed into West Africa, turned up their VILE volume, and nabbed every note. Gumshoes, you got to derail that dastardly duo, rescue those rocking rhythms and answer today's musical question...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...WHO COPPED THE AFRO-POP?

The Sleaze Who Stole the Subway [3.57]

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[Vic the Slick steals the New York City Subway]

Chief: And this is Vic the Slick, that sleazy sales freak who cops for Carmen Sandiego.
Rockapella: (singing) Vic the Slick
Chief: His last known whereabouts: New York City. The New York City Subway System is the third largest in the world. Only Moscow's and Tokyo's have more riders. Have a look. Begun in 1904, the system totaled 731 miles of track. If you stretched it out in a line, it would reach from New York City to Indianapolis. Not bad for the price of one token. But today, there was a major service delay when Vic the Slick decided they'd make great getaway tunnels. Armed with 17 zillion cubic feet of helium, he stole the entire subway system. Gumshoes, you've got to stop...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE SLEAZE WHO STOLE THE SUBWAY!

The Goon Who Stole the Moon (Lunar Loot Lifter) [3.58]

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[Robocrook steals the Moon]

Chief: And this is Robocrook, Carmen Sandiego's cranky criminal crony.
Rockapella: (singing) Robocrook
Chief: His last known whereabouts: the sky. The Moon is Earth's closest neighbor. For centuries, people worship the Moon as a goddess and it is powerful. Its gravitational field affects the tides in our oceans. Some even think it affects human behavior. The word lunatic, from the Latin word for moon, was used to describe crazy people. For over four billion years, the Moon has circled the Earth more than 27.3 days until today when Robocrook snatched our nearby satellite and left a big space in space. How could he do such a thing? Maybe he just took a shine to it. Gumshoes, its your job to stop...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE GOON WHO STOLE THE MOON or LUNAR LOOT LIFTER!

Museum Melodrama [3.59]

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[Sarah Nade steals the Institute of American Indian Arts Museum from Santa Fe, New Mexico.]

Chief: And this is Sarah Nade, Carmen Sandiego's caterwauling caper commiter.
Rockapella: (singing) Sarah Nade
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Santa Fe, New Mexico, the second oldest city in the USA. The Institute of American Indian Arts Museum was founded here in the early '60s. Museum instructors from many Native American cultures teach traditional and new arts. The museum's collection, featuring works by artists like T.C. Cannon and Bill Souza, is one of the most important in the US. Or it was until today when Sarah Nade skidded into Santa Fe, piled the collection into her Band-Van, and stole it. She wants to trash it in her next music video. Gumshoes, you've got to stop Sarah, corral Carmen, and mitigate this...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...MUSEUM MELODRAMA!

The Malice in Malta [3.60]

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[Eartha Brute steals Malta]

Chief: And this is Eartha Brute, Carmen Sandiego's hard-bodied, soft-headed strongwoman.
Rockapella: (singing) Eartha Brute, huh
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: the Mediterranean Sea. The island nation of Malta lies smack in the middle of the Mediterranean. 1/10 the size of Rhode Island, it is almost entirely built up with cities. For a long time, outside powers controlled Malta. The Phoenicians, the Carthaginians, the Romans, the Arabs, the Normans, the knights of St. John, Spain, France, and England. Malta finally went independent in 1964. But that changed today when Eartha Brute windsurfed in, winced Malta out of the water, and walked away with it. Gumshoes, you've got to right this wrong, catch Carmen, stop Eartha Brute and solve...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE MALICE IN MALTA!

The Robozone Robbery [3.61]

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[Robocrook steals the ozone layer.]

Chief: And this is Robocrook, Carmen Sandiego's trash heap of treachery and transistors.
Rockapella: (singing) Robocrook
Chief: His last known whereabouts: the sky. Ozone is a type of oxygen that forms in the stratosphere, around 17 miles above us. It blocks the Sun's dangerous ultraviolet rays before they reach the Earth's surface. Recently, scientists discovered that man-made chemicals are eating a hole in the ozone layer above Antarctica. The increase in radiation may already be causing diseases and enviromental destruction. Well, you'd better get out your SPF 9 zillion sunblock because today, Robocrook stole the ozone layer, holes and all. Gumshoes, you've got to wrangle that robot, make the sky safe again and stop...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE ROBOZONE ROBBERY!

Gimme Back My Wig [3.62]

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[Vic the Slick steals the wigs of London's judges and barristers]

Chief: And this is Vic the Slick, Carmen Sandiego's heinous hustler, huckster, and heistmeister.
Rockapella: (singing) Vic the Slick
Chief: His last known whereabouts: London, England. In the 17th and 18th centuries, most English gentlemen wore wigs. The fashion faded except in courtrooms. White horsehair wigs are still required to tire for judges and for barristers, the English equivalant for trial lawyers. Today, some barristers complained that the toppers are hot, ugly, and unsanitary. But England lost tradition and so far, the wigs have stayed. Until today, that is when Vic lollygagged into London and whisked away the wigs. Gumshoes, you've got to stop the slick one, catch Carmen, and answer the barristers cry for justice...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...GIMME BACK MY WIG!

The Big Bug Bug Out [3.63]

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[Top Grunge steals the Amazon Rainforest's bugs from Brazil.]

Chief: And this is Top Grunge, Carmen's greasy gritty grifter with B.O. so bad you can see it.
Rockapella: (singing) Top Grunge
Chief: His last known whereabouts: Amazonas, Brazil. The Amazon Rainforest is home to many living things including inch-long ants and spiders the size of dinner plates. There's even a rare giant beetle that one scientist kept on a leash. Millions of species may still be undiscovered and they might just contain genetic information that could help scientists improve or even save people's lives. But today, the rainforest insect population dropped to zero. Top Grunge rumbled into the jungle and bagged every bug. Gumshoes, you've got to get a grip on that greaseball and squash his plans for...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-ooo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE BIG BUG BUG OUT!

The Williamsburglary [3.64]

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[Patty Larceny steals the city of Williamsburg from Virginia.]

Chief: And this is Patty Larceny, Carmen Sandiego's dimply dorian of duplicity.
Rockapella: (singing) P-P-P-Patty
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Williamsburg, Virginia. From 1699-1780, Williamsburg was Virginia's capital. It was home to George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and about 2,000 others, half of whom were slaves. Williamsburg's colonial glory was restored in 1926, and today, many of the 10,000 permanent residents recreate life in the 18th century, wearing colonial era clothes and demonstrating period crafts for thousands of daily visitors. Or they did until today when Patty Larceny tootled into town. She didn't just take snapshots, she took every bit of Williamsburg and filed it in her photo album. Gumshoes, it's your job to stop...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-ooo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE WILLIAMSBURGLARY!

Rat and Mouse [3.65]

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[Wonder Rat steals the Mouse Tower from Germany's Rhine River]

Chief: And this is Wonder Rat, that self-promoting snivler who steals stuff for Carmen Sandiego.
Rockapella: (singing) Wonder Rat
Chief: His last known whereabouts: Germany's Rhine River. On a small island in the Rhine stands a 700-year-old Mäuseturm, or Mouse Tower. According to legend, an evil bishop invited a crowd of starving peasants into his bond, promising them free food. Then he burned down the barn with the peasants inside. The next morning, 10,000 mice chased the bishop out of his castle and into the tower where they ate him alive. I love happy endings. Now the tower is a popular tourist spot. Or it was until today when that caped crudhead Wonder Rat scoped up the tower while rowing up the Rhine. He backed up and bopped off with it. Gumshoes, you've got to retrieve the tower, catch Carmen, and stop this game of...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...RAT AND MOUSE!
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