What's New, Pussycat?

What's New, Pussycat? (Quoi de neuf, Pussycat? in French) is a 1965 screwball comedy film about a playboy who refuses to give up his hedonistic lifestyle to settle down and marry his true love and seeks help from a demented psychoanalyst who is having romantic problems of his own.

Directed by Clive Donner. Written by Woody Allen.

How You Cats Will Laugh when you see the answer to the comedy question of the year!

Fritz Fassbender

I've hated you from the first moment I married you!
You are a monster and a monster, in that order.
Silence when you're shouting at me!
You'll like this group analysis, it's a real freak show. If it gets dull, we sing songs.
My wife, the creature that ate Europe, is here.

Michael James

Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!
Look, I know you'll think this is crazy, but, er, when the light hits me from a certain direction, I'm... handsome.
I'll be back tomorrow. If I'm not back tomorrow, send for the police. If they're not back tomorrow, send my clothes.

Victor Skapopulis

We played strip chess. She had me down to my shorts and I fainted from tension.
I just burnt my finger! I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream. I'll be out in a minute.

Dialogue

Fritz Fassbender: You're grotesque!

Anna Fassbender: Lascivious adulterer!

Fritz Fassbender: Don't you dare call me that again until I have looked it up! [looks in dictionary] "Lascivious adulterer... a man who is a lascivious adulterer"? What kind of book is this?

Anna Fassbender: Is she prettier than me?

Fritz Fassbender: Is she prettier than you? I'm prettier than you!

Michael: Did you get a job?

Victor: Yes, I got something at the strip-tease. I help the girls dress and undress.

Michael: Nice job.

Victor: Twenty francs a week.

Michael: Not very much.

Victor: It's all I could afford.

Liz Bien: You're right. I must face my problems. I can't go through life being a semi-virgin.

Michael James: What, in the name of all that is gracious, is a semi-virgin?

Liz Bien: Here, I'm a virgin. In America, I'm not.

Michael James: What do they do? Stamp it on your passport?

Fritz Fassbender: My father, the most beloved gynecologist in Vienna, before they took him away on a morals charge for indecent exposure at the State Opera House, said, and I quote: "Please do not take me away, I will not do it again."

Victor Skakapopulis: Brilliant quote.

Fritz Fassbender: He was a brilliant pervert.

Michael James: Could you tell me about your typical clientele?

Etienne: My typical clientele?

Michael James: Typical.

Etienne: All the people who are here now are typical clientele.

Michael James: Really?

Etienne: There is a man cheating on his wife in room Lola Montez. There is a woman cheating on her two husbands in Carlotta. Two lovers of indeterminate sex in Reine Margot. And two men cheating in Don Juan.

Michael James: Yes. Well, one might say the joint is jumping.

Fritz Fassbender: I, uh, decided to follow you here.

Michael James: If you followed me here, how did you contrive to be here before me?

Fritz Fassbender: I followed you... very fast.

Cast

Peter Sellers - Dr. Fritz Fassbender
Peter O'Toole - Michael James
Woody Allen - Victor Skapopulis
Romy Schneider - Carole
Capucine - Renée
Ursula Andress - Rita
Paula Prentiss - Liz Bien
Eddra Gale - Anna Fassbender, Dr. Fassbender's wife
Jacques Balutin - Etienne