Woody: Oh! Got me again. Etch, you've been working on that draw. Fastest knobs in the West.
Slinky: Got a staff meeting, you guys. Come on, let's go.
Woody: Now where is that... Oh. Hey, who moved my doodle pad way over here?
[Rex drops down in front of Woody and roars loudly]
Woody: How're you doin', Rex?
Rex: [stops roaring] Were you scared? Tell me honestly.
Woody: I was close to being scared that time.
Rex: I'm going for fearsome here, but I just don't feel it. I think I'm just coming off as annoying.
[Bo Peep grabs Woody by the neck]
Woody: [coughs] Ow! Oh, hi, Bo. Hi.
Bo Peep: I wanted to thank you, Woody, for saving my flock.
Woody: Oh, hey, it was, uh, nothin'.
Bo Peep: What do you say I get someone else to watch the sheep tonight?
Woody: [sheepishly giggles] Oh, yeah! [mutters]
Bo Peep: Remember, I'm just a couple of blocks away.
Robot: Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!
Slinky: Come on, come on. Smaller toys up front. Hey, Woody, come on.
[everyone assembles for the staff meeting]
Mr. Mike: Ahem!
Woody: Oh, thanks, Mike.
[Woody picks up microphone; loud feedback results]
Woody: Okay... Whoa, whoa. Step back.
Hamm: For crying out loud.
Woody: Thank you. [blows into microphone] Hello? Check. That better? Great. Everybody hear me? Up on the shelf, can you hear me? Great. Okay. First item today... Uh... oh, yeah. Has everyone picked a moving buddy?
Rex: What?
Hamm: Moving buddy? You can't be serious.
Rex: I didn't know we were supposed to have on already.
Mr. Potato Head: Do we have to hold hands?
Woody: You guys think this is a big joke. We've only got one week left before the move. I don't want any toys left behind. A moving buddy. If you don't have one, get one! Alright, next. Uh, oh, yes. Tuesday night's plastic corrosion awareness meeting was, I think, a big success. And we wanna thank Mr. Spell for putting that on for us.
Mr. Spell: You're welcome.
Woody: Okay. Uh, oh, yes. One, uh, minor note here. Andy's birthday party has been moved to today.
[everyone starts going crazy]
Hamm: Wait a minute here!
Rex: What do you mean the party's today? His birthday's not till next week!
Hamm: What's going on down there? Is his mom losin' her marbles?
Woody: Well, obviously she wanted to have the party before the move. I'm not worried. You shouldn't be worried.
Mr. Potato Head: Of course Woody ain't worried. He's been Andy's favorite since kindergarten.
Slinky: Hey, hey. Come on, Potato Head. If Woody says it's all right, then, well, darn it, it's good enough for me. Woody has never steered us wrong before.
Woody: Come on, guys. Every Christmas and birthday we go through this.
Rex: But what if Andy gets another dinosaur, a mean one? I just don't think I could take that kind of rejection!
Woody: Hey, listen, no one's getting replaced. This is Andy we're talking about. It doesn't matter how much we're played with.
[Woody and Mr. Mike move forward]
Woody: What matters is that we're here for Andy when he needs us. That's what we're made for, right?
Hamm: Pardon me. I hate to break up the staff meeting, but... they're here! Birthday guests at 3:00!
Woody: Stay calm, everyone!
[everyone except Woody runs to the window]
Woody: Hey! Uh, meeting adjourned.
Hamm: Ho, boy! Will you take a look at all those presents?
Mr. Potato Head: I can't see a thing. [lifts eyes over everyone else]
Hamm: Yes, sir, we're next month's garage sale fodder for sure.
Rex: Any dinosaur-shaped ones?
Hamm: Oh, for crying out loud. They're all in boxes, you idiot.
Rex: They're getting bigger.
Slinky: Wait, there's a nice little one over there.
[child rotates box, revealing that it is very long and narrow; everyone goes crazy]
Mr. Spell: Spell, trash can.
Rex: We're doomed!
Woody: All right! All right! If I send out the troops, will you all calm down?
Rex: Yes! Yes! We promise!
Woody: Okay! Save your batteries.
Hamm: Very good, Woody. That's using the old noodle.
Woody: Sergeant, establish a recon post downstairs. Code Red! You know what to do.
Sarge: Yes, sir!
[bucket of soldiers opens]
Sarge: All right, men. You heard him. Code Red! Repeat, we are at Code Red. Recon plan Charlie. Execute. Let's move! Move, move, move, move!
[soldiers exit Andy's room with a walkie-talkie]
Mrs. Davis: Okay, come on, kids. Everyone in the living room. It's almost time for the presents.
[soldiers go downstairs]
Hamm: All right, gangway, gangway.
[Woody turns on the other walkie-talkie]
Woody: And this is how we find out what is in those presents.
Mrs. Davis: Okay, who's hungry?
[soldiers freeze in position]
Mrs. Davis: Here come the chips! I've got cool ranch and barbecue! [steps on soldier, injuring him] Ow! What in the world... Oh! I thought I told him to pick these up. [pushes soldiers aside]
Rex: Shouldn't they be there by now? What's taking them so long?
Woody: Hey, these guys are professionals. They're the best. Come on! They're not lying down on the job.
[camera cuts to soldiers, who continue forward to the recon site (a plant)]
Injured soldier: G-G-Go on without me! J-Just go!
Sarge: A good soldier never leaves a man behind!
[soldiers transport walkie-talkie downstairs; Sarge and the injured soldier climb into the plant]
Mrs. Davis: Okay, everybody, come on. Everybody settle down. Now, kids. Everybody... You sit in a circle. No, Andy. Andy, you sit in the middle there. Good. And... Which present are you gonna open first?
[soldiers turn on the walkie-talkie]
Sarge: There they are.
[camera cuts to Andy's room]
Sarge (through walkie-talkie): Come in, Mother Bird. This is Alpha Bravo. Come in, Mother Bird
Woody: This is it! This is it! Quiet, quiet!
Sarge: All right, Andy's opening the first present now.
Mr. Potato Head: Mrs. Potato Head! Mrs. Potato Head! Mrs. Potato Head! Hey, I can dream, can't I?
Sarge: The bow's coming off. He's ripping the wrapping paper. It's a... It's... It's a... a lunch box. We've got a lunch box here.
Woody: A lunch box?
Mr. Potato Head: Lunch box?
Slinky: For lunch. [laughs]
Sarge: Okay, second present. It appears to be... Okay, it's bed sheets.
Mr. Potato Head: Who invited that kid?
[camera cuts to living room; stack of presents slowly disappears]
Mrs. Davis: Oh, only one left.
[camera cuts to Andy's room]
Sarge: Okay, we're on the last present now.
Woody: Last present!
Sarge: It's a big one. It's a... It's a board game! Repeat, Battleship!
[toys start celebrating]
Rex: Whew!
Hamm: Hallelujah! Yeah! All right! [bumps into Mr. Potato Head]
Mr. Potato Head: Hey, watch it!
Hamm: Sorry there, old spud head.
[camera cuts to troops]
Sarge: Mission accomplished. Well done, men. Pack it up. We're goin' home.
[camera cuts to Andy's room]
Woody: So did I tell ya? Huh? Nothin' to worry about.
Slinky: I knew you were right all along, Woody. Never doubted ya for a second.
[camera cuts to troops]
Mrs. Davis: Wait a minute. Oh! What do we have here?
Sarge: Wait! Turn that thing back on!
[camera cuts to Andy's room]
Sarge: Come in, Mother Bird! Come in, Mother Bird! Mom has pulled a surprise present from the closet. [camera cuts to troops] Andy's opening it. He's really excited about this one. It's a huge package.
Andy: Mom, what is it? [gasps]
[camera cuts to Andy's room]
Sarge: Oh, get outta the... One of the kids is in the way. I can't see. It's a... [static]
Rex: It's a what? What is it?
[Rex shakes the table, causing the walkie-talkie to fall to the ground and the batteries to pop out]
Rex: Oh, no!
Mr. Potato Head: Oh, ya big lizard! Now we'll never know what it is!
Hamm: Way to go, Rex!
[Mr. Potato Head tries to insert the batteries]
Woody: No, no! Turn 'em around! Turn 'em around!
Hamm: He's puttin' 'em in backwa... Here, you're puttin' 'em in backwards!
Woody: Plus is positive, minus is negative! Oh, let me!
[camera cuts to troops]
Andy: Let's go to my room, guys!
Sarge: Red alert! Red alert! Andy is coming upstairs!
[camera cuts to Andy's room; Woody successfully inserts batteries]
Sarge: Juvenile intrusion! Repeat, resume your positions now!
Woody: Andy's coming! Everybody, back to your places! Hurry!
Hamm: Get to your places! Get to your places!
Mr. Potato Head: Where's my ear? Who's seen my ear? Did you see my ear?
Rex: Out of my way! Here I come! Here I come!
[Andy and his friends enter]
Andy: Hey, look, its lasers light up. Take that, Zurg!
[Andy puts spaceship on his bed, pushing Woody away]
Andy: Quick, make a space. This is where the spaceship lands. And he does it like that. And he does a karate chop action!
Mrs. Davis: Come on down, guys! It's time for games! We've got prizes!
[Andy and his friends go downstairs]
Mr. Potato Head: What is it?
Bo Peep: Can you see it?
Slinky: What the heck is up there?
Rex: Woody, who's up there with ya?
[Woody comes out from under the bed]
Slinky: Woody? What are you doing under the bed?
Woody: Uh, nothin'. Uh, nothin'. I'm sure Andy was just a little excited, that's all. Too much cake and ice cream, I suppose. It's just a mistake!
Mr. Potato Head: Well, that mistake is sitting in your spot, Woody.
Rex: Have you been replaced?
Woody: What did I tell you earlier? No one is getting replaced. Now, let's all be polite and give whatever it is up there a nice, big Andy's-room welcome.
[Woody climbs on top of bed, sees Buzz Lightyear]
[Buzz Lightyear wakes up and turns around]
Buzz: [presses button] Buzz Lightyear to Star Command. Come in, Star Command. [tries other button] Star Command, come in. Do you read me? [releases button] Why don't they answer? [gasps] My ship! Blast! This'll take weeks to repair. [opens mission log] Buzz Lightyear mission log stardate 4-0-7-2. My ship has run off course en route to Sector 12. I've crash-landed on a strange planet. The impact must've awoken me from hypersleep. Terrain seems a bit unstable. No readout yet if the air is breathable. And there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere.
Woody: Hello!
[Buzz attacks Woody ]
Woody: Whoa! H-hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Did I frighten you? Didn't mean to. Sorry. Howdy. My name is Woody. And this is Andy's room. That's all I wanted to say. And also, there has been a bit of a mix-up. This is my spot, see, the bed here.
[Buzz notices Woody's badge and stops attacking]
Buzz: Local law enforcement. It's about time you got here. I'm Buzz Lightyear, Space Ranger, Universe Protection Unit. My ship has crash-landed here by mistake.
Woody: Yes, it is a mistake because, you see, the bed here is my spot.
Buzz: I need to repair my turbo boosters. Do you people still use fossil fuel, or have you discovered crystallic fusion?
Woody: Well, let's see. We got double-A's.
[Slinky and Rex climb onto the bed]
Buzz: Watch yourself! Halt! Who goes there?
Rex: Don't shoot! It's okay. Friends.
Buzz: Do you know these life-forms?
Woody: Yes! They're Andy's toys.
Buzz: All right, everyone, you're clear to come up.
[toys come up onto bed]
Buzz: I am Buzz Lightyear. I come in peace.
Rex: Oh, I'm so glad you're not a dinosaur!
Buzz: Wh-why, thank you! Now, thank you all for your kind welcome!
Rex: Say, what's that button do?
Buzz: I'll show you.
Buzz (through voice box): Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!
Toys: Oh!
Slinky: Hey, Woody's got something like that. His is a pull string. Only it's...
Mr. Potato Head: Only it sounds like a car ran over it.
Hamm: Oh, yeah, but not like this. This is a quality sound system. Probably all copper wiring, huh? So, uh, where you from? Singapore? Hong Kong?
Buzz: Well, no. Actually, I-I'm stationed at the Gamma Quadrant of Sector Four. As a member of the elite Universe Protection Unit of the Space Ranger Corps, I protect the galaxy from the threat of invasion from the evil Emperor Zurg, sworn enemy of the Galactic Alliance.
[Woody looks at Buzz's spaceship, and finds what Buzz said written on it]
Mr. Potato Head: Oh, really? I'm from Playskool.
Rex: And I'm from Mattel. Well, I'm not really from Mattel. I'm actually from a smaller company that was purchased in a leverage buyout.
Woody: You'd think they'd never seen a new toy before.
Bo Peep: Well, sure. Look at him. He's got more gadgets on him than a Swiss Army Knife.
[Slinky activates Buzz's laser]
Buzz: Ah, ah, ah, ah! Please be careful. You don't want to be in the way when my laser goes off.
Mr. Potato Head: Hey, a laser! How come you don't have a laser, Woody?
Woody: It's not a laser! It's a... It's a little lightbulb that blinks.
Hamm: What's with him?
Mr. Potato Head: Laser envy.
Woody: All right, that's enough! Look, we're all very impressed with Andy's new toy.
Buzz: Toy?
Woody: T-O-Y. Toy!
Buzz: Excuse me, I think the word you're searching for is "Space Ranger."
Woody: The word I'm searching for I can't say because there's preschool toys present.
Mr. Potato Head: Gettin' kinda tense, aren't ya?
Rex: Uh, Mr. Lightyear, uh, now, I'm curious. What does a space ranger actually do?
Woody: He's not a Space Ranger! He doesn't fight evil or, or shoot lasers or fly!
Buzz: Excuse me. [pushes button that reveals wings]
Toys: Ooh!
Hamm: Oh, impressive wingspan! Very good!
Woody: Oh, what? What? These are plastic. He can't fly!
Buzz: They are a terillium-carbonic alloy, and I can fly.
Woody: No, you can't.
Buzz: [sighs] Yes, I can.
Woody: You can't.
Buzz: Can.
Woody: Can't. Can't. Can't!
Buzz: I tell you, I could fly around this room with my eyes closed!
Woody: Okay, then, Mr. Light Beer, prove it.
Buzz: All right, then, I will. Stand back, everyone!
[Buzz goes to edge of bed and closes eyes]
Buzz: To infinity and beyond! [jumps]
[Buzz "flies" around Andy's room using bouncy ball, race-car track, and motorized airplane, then lands on bed]
Buzz: Can!
Rex: Whoa! Oh, wow, you flew magnificently!
Bo Peep: I found my movin' buddy.
Buzz: Thank you. Th-Thank you all. Thank you.
Woody: That wasn't flying! That was... falling with style.
Mr. Potato Head: Man, the dolls must really go for you. Can you teach me that?
Slinky: [laughs] Golly bob howdy!
Woody: Oh, shut up! You know, in a couple of days, everything will be just the way it was. They'll see. They'll see. I'm still Andy's favorite toy.
[Montage of Buzz replacing Woody begins]
🎵I was on top of the world living high
🎵It was right in my pocket
Andy: [laughs] Whoa!
🎵I was livin' the life
🎵Things were just the way they should be.
🎵When from out of the sky like a bomb
🎵Comes some little punk in a rocket
🎵Now all of a sudden some strange things are happening to me.
Andy: Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!
🎵Strange
🎵Things are happening to me
🎵Strange
🎵Things
🎵Strange things are happening to me
🎵Ain't no doubt about it
🎵I had friends, I had lots of friends
🎵Now all my friends are gone
🎵And I'm doin' the best I can
🎵To carry on
🎵I had power
Chorus: 🎵Power!
🎵I was respected
Chorus: 🎵Respected!
🎵But not any more
🎵And I've lost the love of the one
🎵Whom I adore
Buzz: I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.
Woody: Oh, well, that's good.
Buzz: But we're not on my planet. Are we?
Woody: No.
[they start fighting]
Buzz: According to my navi-computer, the...
Woody: [quietly] Shut up! Just shut up, you idiot!
Buzz: Sheriff, this is no time to panic!
Woody: This is the perfect time to panic! I'm lost, Andy is gone, they're gonna move from their house in two days, and it's all your fault!
Buzz: My fault?! If you hadn't pushed me out of the window in the first place...
Woody: Oh, yeah?! Well, if you hadn't shown up inside your stupid little cardboard spaceship and taken away everything that was important to me...
Buzz: Don't talk to me about importance! Because of you, the security of this entire universe is in jeopardy!
Woody: WHAT?!! What are you talkin' about?!
Buzz: Right now, poised at the edge of the galaxy, Emperor Zurg has been secretly building a weapon with the destructive capacity to annihilate an entire planet! I alone have information that reveals his weapon's only weakness. And you, my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!
Woody: YOU... ARE... A... TOY!!! You aren't the real Buzz Lightyear! You're a-- Aw, you're an action figure! You are a child's plaything!
Buzz: You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity. Farewell. [exits]
Woody: Oh, yeah? Well, good riddance, ya loony! [sarcastically] "Rendezvous with Star Command."
[the rocket Woody and Buzz are strapped to launches into the air, taking the two into the sky]
Woody: [screams] This is the part where we blow up!
Buzz: Not today!
[Buzz activates his wings, cutting the tape that binds him to the rocket; Woody screams and covers his eyes in fear, but just as they are about to hit the ground, Buzz soars up carrying Woody]
Woody: Hey, Buzz! You're flying!
Buzz: This isn't flying. This is falling with style!
