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Twins (1988 film)

1988 American buddy film directed by Ivan Reitman

Twins is a 1988 film about a physically perfect but innocent man who goes in search of his long-lost twin brother, who is a short small-time crook.

Directed by Ivan Reitman. Written by William Davies, Timothy Harris, William Osborne, and Herschel Weingrod.
Only their mother can tell them apart.


Julius BenedictEdit

  • If you're lying to me, I'll be back!
  • I don't know what the problem is, but I'm sure it can be solved without resorting to violence.
  • Thank you for the cookies. I look forward to tossing them.


Julius Benedict: My name is Julius and I am your twin brother.
Vincent Benedict: Oh, obviously! The moment I sat down I thought I was looking into a mirror.

Vincent Benedict: Money talks and bullshit walks!
Julius Benedict: How can bullshit walk?

Julius Benedict: Why are you being so immature about all this?
Vincent Benedict: Look, Julius. Do you know how many times I've heard stories like this? It's every orphan's fantasy: "My real mom and dad were rich, and beautiful. But... there was a mix-up at the hospital. And I got switched with another baby. But one day, there's gonna be a knock at the door. And there they'll be, with open arms, crying, 'My darling. My treasure. We didn't know. How can we make it up to you?'" Let me tell you something for your own good, Julius. It's a CROCK!

Julius Benedict: I'm really worried about you, Vincent. How much money do you owe? Now don't lie to me. We're twins. I can feel your pain.
Vincent Benedict: Why do you keep saying that? We're not twins, were not brothers, we're nothing.
Julius Benedict: Twenty thousand?
Vincent Benedict: Due this morning. [gets in the car] Come on!
Julius Benedict: Now don't worry about anything, Vincent. As long as I'm with you, I won't let anyone harm you. Okay?

Vincent Benedict: [impressed with Julius's fighting abilities] You could be a boxer or something. I could be your manager.
Julius Benedict: No, I could never fight for money.
Vincent Benedict: Well that's fine. You fight, I'll keep the money.
Julius Benedict: Actually, I hate violence.
Vincent Benedict: But you're so good at it!

Julius Benedict: For the first time in my life, I'm... pissed off!
Vincent Benedict: [trying to hold Julius back] Julius, don't do this to me! I got a car to deliver! The last thing I need is a detour to the slammer!

Vincent Benedict: Women love men who are mysterious and devious. It keeps them on their toes. It excites them. You know what I mean?
Julius Benedict: No.
Vincent Benedict: You do like women?
Julius Benedict: Oh, very much so. They're strange and sensitive. They have compassion. I have the highest respect for women.
Vincent Benedict: [turns around] You're a virgin!
Julius Benedict: That's private.
Vincent Benedict: [to himself] A 230-pound virgin.

Julius Benedict: Wait a minute. You forgot the third rule in a crisis situation.
Mr. Webster: What third rule?
Vincent Benedict: Third rule?
Julius Benedict: Yeah, third rule.
Vincent Benedict: [notices the crane above Webster] Oooh! The third rule.
Mr. Webster: What's the third rule?
Julius Benedict, Vincent Benedict: Duck!
[Vincent hits the crane switch which drops a pile of chains on Mr. Webster burying him]
Vincent Benedict: Yo! Holy shmoly! Now there's a man with a lot on his mind.

Vincent Benedict: [points to a device in the lab] This must, uh, be where you made the milkshake.
Mitchell Traven: We weren't making milkshakes. We were making the most fully developed human the world has ever seen.
Vincent Benedict: But instead of just one perfect kid, Mom had the two of us. [smiling] Way to go, Mom.
Mitchell Traven: Wrong. The embryo did split in two, but it didn't split equally. All the purity and strength went into Julius. All the crap that was left over went into what you see in the mirror every morning.
Vincent Benedict: Wow, wow, wow, you're telling me that I'm the crap?
Julius Benedict: This is not true, Vincent.
Vincent Benedict: Wait a minute, Julius. I wanna hear this. [to Traven] You're telling me that I am the left over crap? That I'm no good?
Julius Benedict: HE'S WRONG.
Mitchell Traven: [points at Vincent] Look at him.
Vincent Benedict: Are you saying that... I'm a side effect?
Mitchell Traven: You haven't got the brainpower to understand this, and I don't have the time. Show's over.


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