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Twin Town

1997 film by Kevin Allen

Twin Town is a 1997 British crime film about two brothers in Swansea, Wales who prefer to spend their time on drugs and joyriding. When their father, Fatty Lewis, has an accident, they show up demanding compensation.

Directed by Kevin Allen. Written by Kevin Allen and Paul Durden.
Rugby. Tom Jones. Male Voice Choirs. Shirley Bassey. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantisiliogogogch. Snowdonia. Prince of Wales. Anthony Hopkins. Daffodils. Sheep. Sheep Lovers. Coal. Slate Quarries. The Blaenau Ffestiniog Dinkey-Doo Miniature Railway. Now If That's Your Idea Of Thousands Of Years Of Welsh Culture, You Can't Blame Us For Trying To Liven The Place Up A Little Can You? (taglines)

Greyo

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  • Adie, driving cars that don't belong to them, at 90 miles an hour, on the wrong side of the road, is just starting to take the fucking piss!

Bryn Cartwright

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  • Here's 20 nicker, now go buy yourselves a nice big tin of sticky-sticky and fuck off back to Noddyland!
  • I built this club up from nothing, and I fucking loves it!

Fatty Lewis

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  • This glue is for sticking my submarines, not for sticking up your fucking noses! Don't think I don't notice, cos I do. Buy your own fucking glue!

Terry Walsh

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  • You're an iffy copper that does a little bit a this, a little bit a that, but knows where to draw the thin blue line right fuckin' wrong, don't ya, Greyo?

Dialogue

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Greyo: Dylan Thomas called Swansea "an ugly, lovely town".
Terry: I'd call it... a pretty shitty city.
Greyo: Dylan Thomas didn't do as much fucking cocaine as you, did he?
Ivor: What can I have for twenty again?
Brothel Woman: Top exposed, hand relief; Tits and hand shandies is it love?
Ivor: Gwelio
Brothel Woman: Righto then Ivor, Bon voyage. How's that love, hittin' the spot?
Ivor: Oh yea.
Bryn: I'll have a chicken jalfrezi balti, half chips half rice, three onion bhajees, two naans and a grandfach!
Indian Waiter: [in Punjabi] Benju gandju (You asshole sister fucker)!
Lucy: She's a hooker Greyo.
Greyo: Yeah and I'm a scrum-half.
Adie: I'd better be off.
Jeremy: Off to the brothel?
Jean: It's not a brothel, it's an executive health spa!
Jeremy and Julian: Health Spa AHHHHH!
Fatty: Cup of tea boys?
Adie: It's not a cup of tea they want, it's a good fucking hiding. Ask 'em who was kind enough to lend them the two tone BMW they been driving through the fucking night. Go on, ask 'em!
Jeremy: Fuck off you nosey bitch!
Jean: Charming!
Jeremy: Do you know what happens if they catches you doing drugs in Morocco?
Julian: No?
Jeremy: They hands you over to the fucking RUG squad. Aaaah I fuckin' had ew!
Jeremy: How is it that a 2 litre bottle of coke costs 27 pence, but a 1 litre bottle costs 37 pence?
Julian: Supa-dupa deal
Jeremy: How much for a shag Adie?
Adie: Awww dont worry lads, you can have family discount; but first we'll ave' to find your little willies first though!
Jeremy: What's your handicap, Bryn? [Smashes golf club into Bryn's knee]
Bryn: [In agony, with tape over his mouth] MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
Jeremy: Not bad.
Terry: What the fuck does that mean Greyo?
Greyo: What does what mean?
Terry: That, "ambition is fucking critical."
Greyo: It says "ambition is critical." There's no "fucking" in it.

Taglines

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  • Rugby. Tom Jones. Male Voice Choirs. Shirley Bassey. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantisiliogogogch. Snowdonia. Prince of Wales. Anthony Hopkins. Daffodils. Sheep. Sheep Lovers. Coal. Slate Quarries. The Blaenau Ffestiniog Dinkey-Doo Miniature Railway. Now If That's Your Idea Of Thousands Of Years Of Welsh Culture, You Can't Blame Us For Trying To Liven The Place Up A Little Can You?
  • An extreme comedy.
  • Welcome to ugly lovely town

Cast

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