To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar

To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar is a 1995 comedy film starring Wesley Snipes, Patrick Swayze, and John Leguizamo. The film is about three drag queens who go on a cross-country road trip to compete in the Miss Drag Queen of America Pageant. Along the way, the queens get stranded in a small Midwestern town where they set out to improve the lives of its residents.

Written by Douglas Carter Beane. Directed by Beeban Kidron.

Attitude is everything. tagline.

Chi-Chi Rodriguez

The seats are like butter!
We were so poor my parents married for the rice.
I'm a princess! P to the R to the IN to the CESS!
[When Noxeema asks “Why do I feel like I'm in the Tournament of Roses Parade?”] Cause you're as big as a float.
I didn’t ask to come on this trip, did I? No, I don't think so! Did I ask for you to be making me over, jump through all kinds of hoops like some kind of circus poodle? No, I don't think so! And do I want to go to jail because of some cop killer? No, I don't think so! So as soon as we get to the next town, I'm jumping on the first man and I'm riding him all the way to New York City and away from you two puckered up stuck up putas because this trip sucks! It sucks!
Vida, you know, you're not a queen because you rule people, or you sit on a throne, baby. You're a queen because you couldn't cut it as a man so you had to put on a dress, that's why.
I love roughnecks; tell me, if I was your bread would you be my butter?
Uptight cellulite dinosaur fossil face white honky cracker witch!
Lord grant me the serenity to accept that I'm just a boy in a dress and the courage to change with the fashions and the wisdom to know the difference.
I'm the Latina Marilyn Monroe. I've got more legs than a bucket of chicken!
Get in the car, Perras, I got us a ride to "Spidersville"...

Noxeema Jackson

Little Latin boy in drag, why are you crying?
[when asked “How do I look?” by Chi-Chi] Like the Miami Sound Machine just exploded all over you.
I ain't drivin' you no more, Miss Daisy!
Why do I feel like I'm in the Tournament of Roses Parade?
Your mother.
Look, that child is Latin. You don't want to be gettin' mixed up in all that Latin mess. She might turn out to be a sandinista or something.
[As others say "I declare!”] I decline!
I do not do the bus. You obviously have me mistaken for Miss Rosa Parks.
Look at her, runnin' like she runnin' across the border.
Oh no girlfriend, did you just do a U-ie?
When a straight man puts on a dress and gets his sexual kicks, he is a transvestite. When a man is a woman trapped in a man's body and has a little operation, he is a transsexual. When a gay man has WAY too much fashion sense for one gender, he is a drag queen. And when a tired little Latin boy puts on a dress, he is simply a boy in a dress!
Check yourself, Loretta, before you wreck yourself!
If you want to let them know that there is steak for dinner, you got to let them hear it sizzle!
[when passing by a large Old Southern plantation style mansion] There will be a barbecue at Twelve Oaks tonight...
Noxeema Jackson.....Jesse's daughter.
Do you like my nails?
[to Vida] Go on Vida and talk to him, you speak honky!
[to Clara] Miss Vida seems to think that I don't have a dream. Well, honey, I'm not Martin Luther King. I don't need a dream. I have a plan. You know I'm gonna tell you what it is, because instinctively I knew I could trust you, being as you're not a big talker and everything. My plan is that while in Hollywood I will be approached by an imminent producer, at The Ivy no doubt, to star in the lush film version of the Life of Ms. Dorothy Dandridge. Yes that noble blacktress, who never played domestic help. And then who's career was crushed by the white Hollywood machine.

Vida Boheme

Internal combustion, the ultimate accessory.
What in gay hell?
We are three young career girls...
I think today is a ‘Say Something’ Hat Day!
Now she's going to get herself kidnapped by some mountain man and we will have to go rescue her!
Operation Decorator Storm...
That's possibly-dead Sheriff Dullard!
[In male voice] Get your hand off my DICK, buddy!
I want you to believe in yourself, imagine good things, and moisturize.
Oh look, it's a little Latin boy in drag, the little Latin boy in drag is crying! Noxy, ask the little Latin boy in drag why he is crying.
What fresh hell is this?
[to Noxeema & Chi-Chi] Here is where they asked young Miss Vida to stop imitating Esther Williams in Million Dollar Mermaid, thus marring the Methodist annual picnic.

Dialogue

Vida: Carol Ann, if we're going to be friends, there really is something I should tell you...

Carol Ann: Adam's apple?

Vida: What?

Carol Ann: Adam's Apple. Women don't have Adam's Apples, only men have Adam's Apples. The first night that you came to town I noticed that you had yourself an Adam's Apple.

Vida: Then, then you know?

Carol Ann: I know, that I am very fortunate to have a lady friend who just happens to have an Adam's Apple.

Noxeema: Little Latin boy in drag, why are you crying?

Chi-Chi: It's just cause the two of you are so pretty, you know. You're so pretty.

Vida: Yes, of course we're pretty, but why are you crying?

Noxeema: Maybe she just found out Menudo broke up.

[after Bobby Ray comes to ask a girl out]

Vida: I declare.

Bobby Lee: I declare.

Carol Ann: *I* declare.

Noxeema: I decline.

Vida: Since you have obviously learned nothing, I am hereby stripping you of all your princess points.

[Vida does exaggerated hand ripping and throwing away motions]

Noxeema: Oooooh! That's voodoo.

Vida: Noxeema, you remember John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt?

Noxeema: [shakes hand] Oh yes, his name is my name too.

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt: Do people always shout? I hate that.

Vida: Sheriff Dullard...

Sheriff Dollard: It's Dollard... with an "o."

Vida: Well, it says "Dullard" on your badge.

Sheriff Dollard: It's a misprint!

Vida: Excuse me Jimmy Jay.

Jimmy Joe: Joe.

Vida Boheme: Sorry, Joe Jay.

Jimmy Joe: No, Jimmy Joe.

Merna: Vaya con dios, Miss Chi-Chi.

Chi-Chi: You ruin my language and I still love you.

Loretta: These all grow wild around here.

Chi-Chi: You all grow wild around here. This reminds me of the story of Princess Laritza in 'Revenge of the Wench'. Seem everyone was giving her flowers because they thought she was dead, right? But she had taken this magical concoction...

Loretta: Well, anyway, bye-bye.

Merna: Bye.

Chi-Chi: Bye.

Vida: [to Noxeema] You know, pumpkins?

Noxeema: What?

Vida: Sometimes it just takes a fairy.

Chi-Chi: Maybe if somebody gave me back my "Princess Points", I would do the hitchhiking thing and get us a ride.

Noxeema: How you gonna hitchhike, huh? If there are no cars, stupid?

Chi-Chi: Well, you don't know me very well, do you, Creepella? I'm the Latina Marilyn Monroe. I got more legs than a bucket of chicken.

Vida: Now she's gonna get herself kidnapped by some mountain man and we will have to rescue her!

Chi-Chi: [as Vida beats up Virgil] There's something you need to know about Vida... She...

Noxeema: [quickly] Vida works out. Yeah, Vida works out.

Chi-Chi: A lot!

Carol Ann: I love you Miss Vida Boheme!

Vida: [hugs Carol Ann] I've waited my whole life to hear those words said to that name. And I'm very, very, very happy that you're the one to say them.

[Sheriff Dollard is looking for the owner of a frilly shoe]

Clara: Can I have my shoe please?

Sheriff Dollard: [disbelieving] You're a drag queen?

Clara: Nothin' this pretty could be real.