The Very Same Munchhausen

1979 television film directed by Mark Zakharov

The Very Same Münchhausen (Russian: Тот самый Мюнхгаузен, Tot samyy Myunkhgauzen, alt. translation - That Very Münchhausen) is a 1979 Soviet television movie.

Directed by Mark Zakharov. Written by Grigoriy Gorin.

Baron Münchhausen

  • Any love is legal if it is love.
  • I am not afraid to look ridiculous. Not everyone can afford it.
  • Divorce is one of the highest achievements of mankind! It only takes a minute to fall in love. To get a divorce, sometimes you have to live 20 years together. It's been a tough 20 years but I don't regret them! Once upon a time, Socrates told me: "You should marry anyway. If you're lucky to get a good wife — you'll become a happy man. If you get a bad wife - you'll become a philosopher." Can't decide which is better...
  • "I, Baron Munchhausen, an ordinary man..." Sounds like the beginning of a romance song. "I didn't fly to the moon." All right, I didn't. But... If you only knew, my dears, how beautiful moon is... White mountains and red stones at sunset.
  • I wish you would understand at last, that Münchhausen is famous not because he flew to the moon or because he didn't, but because he never lies!
  • A serious face is not yet an indication of intellect. All the stupid things in the world are done with exactly that expression. Smile, gentlemen, smile!

Jacobine von Münchhausen

  • Tomorrow is the anniversary of your death. Are you trying to ruin our holiday?
  • There is no truth at all. The truth is what is currently considered the truth.

The Duke

  • I won't let you drop the waist line to hips. After all, we are the center of Europe. I won't let any Spaniards to dictate terms to us. If you want a detachable sleeve — please. Do you want a pleated skirt with darts? I accept this too. But I will not let you to lower the waistline.
  • Order to Army: general mobilization! Recall all retired to the reserve. Cancel holidays. Form the Guard on the central square. Dress code — summer, full dress. Blue uniforms with gold trim. Sewn in sleeves. Wide lapels. The waist 10 cm lower than in peace time... that is higher.
  • Where is my military uniform?.. What?! Me — in this? Single-breasted?! What, you don't know what's no one is fighting anymore in a single-breasted? What a disgrace! The war is on the doorstep, but we are not ready!
  • Baron, you are a reasonable man. I have always treated you with sympathy. I respected your way of thinking: loose shoulder line, skinny pantaloons. Could you be an example for our youth. It needs it so much.


  • Being somewhat nervously overexcited, the Duke suddenly grabbed and signed several petitions for divorce with the words: “Free, free everyone!”


Baron Münchhausen: The situation was desperate. I had to choose one of two things: to die or to save myself somehow.
Hunter: What did you choose?
Baron Münchhausen: Guess what.

Hunter: Do you claim, a man can pull himself by hair?
Baron Münchhausen: Absolutely! A thinking man simply MUST do it from time to time.

Pastor: I've already noticed, baron, you've got rare books.
Baron Münchhausen: Yes, many of them are autographed.
Pastor: It must be so pleasant.
Baron Münchhausen: Sophocles for example.
Pastor: Who?
Baron Münchhausen: Sophocles. This is his best tragedy "Oedipus Rex" with an inscription.
Pastor: For whom?
Baron Münchhausen: For me, of course. Here: "To dear Karl from his loving Sophocles to be warmly remembered."

Baron Münchhausen: She ran away from me two years ago.
Pastor: Frankly speaking, Baron, I would have done the same in her shoes.
Baron Münchhausen: Therefore I'm going to marry Martha, not you.

Pastor: You cannot get married the second time with your wife alive.
Baron Münchhausen: Are you proposing to kill her?

Baron Münchhausen: But you do allow kings to get a divorce?
Pastor: Well... For kings... In exceptional cases. When they need to produce an offspring.
Baron Münchhausen: In order to produce an offspring they need to do something else.

Baron Münchhausen: And they said he's a smart man!
Martha: Well, people can say much more...

Theophil (seeing a portrait of Baron): Do you want to hang this daub in the house?
Jacobine: What disturbs you about it?
Theophil: It maddens me! Let's chop it in pieces!
Jacobine: Dare not! He claims it is a work of Rembrandt.
Rammkopf: Whom???
Jacobine: Rembrandt.
Theophil: That's a downright lie.
Jacobine: I know but the auctioneers give twenty thousand for it.
Rammkopf: Twenty thousand? Then sell it!
Jacobine: To sell it would mean to admit this is the truth.

Theophilus: Challenge my father to a duel!
Rammkopf: Never!
Theophilus: But why?
Rammkopf: First, he will kill me, and second...
Jacobine: The first one is enough.

Theophilus: I’m already 19, and I’m just a cornet! And no prospects! I wasn't even allowed to attend the maneuvers!
Jacobine: (corrects pronounciation) Ma-neu-vers!
Theophilus: I was not allowed to attend the ma-neu-vers! The colonel stated that he generally refused to accept reports from Baron Münchhausen!

Rammkopf: (reads Barons' day schedule) "From 8 a.m. to 10 a.m.: a feat".
Duke: How must we understand this?
Jacobine: This means that from 8 to 10 in the morning he has a feat planned. Well, what can you say, Mr. Burgomaster, about a man who every day goes to a heroic deed, as if to work?
Burgomaster: I serve too, madam. Every day at nine a.m. I have to go to my magistrate. I won’t say that this is a feat, but in general there is something heroic in it.

Theophilus: Be my second!
Rammkopf: Never!
Theophilus: But why?
Rammkopf: First, he'll kill the second too...
Burgomaster: Yes.
Theophilus: Murderer!!!

Rammkopf: This man threw out a wife with a child.
Theophil: Who is a child? I am an officer!
Rammkopf: He threw out a wife with an officer.

Rammkopf: If you've got a lover, enjoy it! Nowadays, everyone has got a lover. But one cannot permit you to marry her. It's immoral!

Rammkopf: But it's a fact!
Burgomaster: No, this is not a fact.
Theophil: This is not a fact?
Burgomaster: No, this is not a fact. This is much more than that. It was right that way!

Duke's steward: His highness is busy with state affairs of the utmost importance. He is holding an emergency meeting... He's not there at all.

The Duke: Well, I don't know how to say... Well, in general... Well, they say, you... Have you declared war on England?
Baron Münchhausen: No.
The Duke: No?
Baron Münchhausen: Not yet. The war will start at 4 o'clock. If England doesn't accept the terms of the ultimatum.
The Duke: An ultimatum?
Baron Münchhausen: I sent them an ultimatum.
The Duke: To whom?
Baron Münchhausen: To the King of England and British Parliament members. I suggested to England to stop senseless war against North American colonists and recognize their independence. The ultimatum expires today at 16:00. If my terms are not accepted, I will personally start a war.

The Duke: Well, fine. And it is not necessary to be so tragic, my dear. Look at all this with your usual humor. With humor! After all, Galileo also denied.
Baron Münchhausen: Therefore I always loved Giordano Bruno more.
Burgomaster: Oh well. Don't complicate. Baron, you can believe secretly.
Baron Münchhausen: I can't secretly. I can only openly.

Baron Münchhausen: In Germany, to have the name Müller is the same as to have no name at all.
Thomas: You are still joking.
Baron Münchhausen: I stopped joking long ago. The doctors forbid that.
Thomas: Since when did you start visiting doctors?
Baron Münchhausen: Right after the death.
Thomas: But they say, humour is healthy. A joke prolongs life.
Baron Münchhausen: Not for everyone. It prolongs the life for those who laugh, but shortens it for those who joke.

Thomas: How is Frau Martha?
Baron Münchhausen: Everything is fine. The boy was born.
Thomas: Well?
Baron Münchhausen: Yes.
Thomas: Good boy?
Baron Münchhausen: 12 kilograms.
Thomas: Runs?
Baron Münchhausen: For what? Walks.
Thomas: Chatting?
Baron Münchhausen: Silent.
Thomas: Smart boy, will go far. What are you doing?
Baron Münchhausen: Nothing. I live. I grow flowers.
Thomas: Beautiful ones?
Baron Münchhausen: Profitable ones.

Weren't you dead?
Baron Münchhausen: I was.

Martha: Good Lord! Why do you people have to kill a person to understand that he is alive?!
Jacobine: Well said. But we have no choice. And here is my advice: Don't hurry to become the widow of Baron Münchhausen. This place is still occupied.

Burgomaster: Congratulations Baron!
Baron Münchhausen: For what?
Burgomaster: On your successful return from the moon.
Baron Münchhausen: I wasn't on the moon.
Burgomaster: What do you mean, you weren't there, when there is a decision that you were?

Burgomaster: Everything follows the plan: after the overture comes the interrogation. Then the defendant's last words, a salute, general merriment, dancing.
Rammkopf: Frau Marta, please, follow the text exactly!

Baron Münchhausen: Say something goodbye to me.
Martha: What? What?
Baron Münchhausen: Well, say something goodbye.
Martha: What to say?
Baron Münchhausen: Think! There is always something important for such a moment!
Martha: I... I... I'll be waiting for you.
Baron Münchhausen: Not that.
Martha: I... I love you very much.
Baron Münchhausen: Not that!
Martha: I'll be faithful to you!
Baron Münchhausen: No need.
Martha: They put wet gunpowder, Karl! They want to stop you, Karl!
Baron Münchhausen: Here! Thank you. Thank you Martha. Let them envy! Who else has such a woman?

Baron Münchhausen: Thomas, go home! Make dinner! When I return, let it be 6 o'clock!
Thomas: Six in morning or six in evening?
Baron Münchhausen: Six in day.


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