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The Naughty Nineties

1945 film by Jean Yarbrough

The Naughty Nineties is a 1945 American film about two men who try to set things right after their captain is swindled out of his riverboat by a trio of gamblers.

Directed by Jean Yarbrough. Written by John Grant, Edmund L. Hartmann, Edmund Joseph, and Hal Fimberg.
A Show Boat Load of Laughter!  (taglines)

Dialogue

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Dexter Broadhurst: Now it don't look nice chewing gum in that suit!
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm chewin' it in my mouth.
Dexter Broadhurst: Strange as it may seem, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Funny names?
Dexter Broadhurst:Nicknames. Nicknames.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Not - not as funny as my name - Sebastian Dinwiddie.
Dexter Broadhurst: Oh, yes, yes, yes!
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Funnier than that?
Dexter Broadhurst: Oh, absolutely. Yes. Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third...
Sebastian Dinwiddle: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team.
Dexter Broadhurst: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third...
Sebastian Dinwiddle: You know the fellows' names?
Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Well, then, who's playin' first?
Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I mean the fellow's name on first base.
Dexter Broadhurst: Who.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: The fellow playin' first base for St. Louis.
Dexter Broadhurst: Who.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: The guy on first base.
Dexter Broadhurst: Who is on first.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Well, what are you askin' me for?
Dexter Broadhurst: I'm not asking you - I'm telling you. Who is on first.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm asking you who's on first!
Dexter Broadhurst: That's the man's name!
Sebastian Dinwiddle: That's whose name?
Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Well, go ahead and tell me!
Dexter Broadhurst: Who.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: The guy on first.
Dexter Broadhurst: Who.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: The first baseman.
Dexter Broadhurst: Who is on first.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Have you got a first baseman on first?
Dexter Broadhurst: Certainly.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Then who's playing first?
Dexter Broadhurst: Absolutely.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
Dexter Broadhurst: Every dollar of it. And why not? The man's entitled to it.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Who is?
Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: So who gets it?
Dexter Broadhurst: Why shouldn't he? Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Whose wife?
Dexter Broadhurst: Yes. After all, the man earns it.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Who does?
Dexter Broadhurst: Absolutely.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Well, all I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.
Dexter Broadhurst: Oh, no, no, What is on second base.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Dexter Broadhurst: Who's on first.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: That's what I'm trying to find out.
Dexter Broadhurst: Well, don't change the players around.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm not changing nobody.
Dexter Broadhurst: Now, take it easy.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: What's the guy's name on first base?
Dexter Broadhurst: What's the guy's name on second base.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm not askin' ya who's on second.
Dexter Broadhurst: Who's on first.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I don't know.
Dexter Broadhurst: He's on third. We're not talking about him.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: How did I get on third base?
Dexter Broadhurst: You mentioned his name.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?
Dexter Broadhurst: No, who's playing first.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Stay offa first, will ya?
Dexter Broadhurst: Well, what do you want me to do?
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Now what's the guy's name on third base?
Dexter Broadhurst: What's on second.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm not asking ya who's on second.
Dexter Broadhurst: Who's on first.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I don't know.
Dexter Broadhurst: He's on third.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: There I go, back on third again.
Dexter Broadhurst: Well, I can't change their names.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Will you please stay on third base, Mr. Broadhurst.
Dexter Broadhurst: Please. Now what is it you want to know?
Sebastian Dinwiddle: What is the fellow's name on third base?
Dexter Broadhurst: What is the fellow's name on second base.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm not askin' ya who's on second.
Dexter Broadhurst: Who's on first.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I don't know.
Both: Third base!
Sebastian Dinwiddle: You got a outfield?
Dexter Broadhurst: Oh, sure.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: St. Louis has got a good outfield?
Dexter Broadhurst: Oh, absolutely.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: The left fielder's name?
Dexter Broadhurst: Why.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I don't know. I just thought I'd ask you.
Dexter Broadhurst: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Then tell me who's playing left field.
Dexter Broadhurst: Who is playing first.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Stay out of the infield!
Dexter Broadhurst: Don't mention their names out there.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I want to know what's the fellow's name on left field.
Dexter Broadhurst: What is on second.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Dexter Broadhurst: Who is on first.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I don't know.
Dexter Broadhurst: Now take it easy, take it easy.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: And the left fielder's name?
Dexter Broadhurst: Why.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Because.
Dexter Broadhurst: Oh, he's center field. Will you pick up your hat, please.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Center field.
Dexter Broadhurst: Pick up your hat. And stop this - Now look, please.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Mr. Broadhurst.
Dexter Broadhurst: Yes?
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Wait a minute. You got a pitcher on the team?
Dexter Broadhurst: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher?
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I don't know. Tell me the pitcher's name.
Dexter Broadhurst: Tomorrow.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: You don't want to tell me today?
Dexter Broadhurst: I'm telling you, man.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Then go ahead.
Dexter Broadhurst: Tomorrow.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: What time?
Dexter Broadhurst: What time what?
Sebastian Dinwiddle: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?
Dexter Broadhurst: Now listen, Who is not pitching, Who is on...
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'll break your arm if you say who's on first.
Dexter Broadhurst: Then why come up here and ask?
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I want to know what's the pitcher's name.
Dexter Broadhurst: What's on second.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I don't know.
Both: Third base!
Sebastian Dinwiddle: You gotta catcher?
Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: The catcher's name?
Dexter Broadhurst: Today.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.
Dexter Broadhurst: Now you've got it.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: That's all, St. Louis got a couple of days on their team. That's all.
Dexter Broadhurst: Well, I can't help that. All right. What do you want me to do?
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Gotta catcher?
Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm a good catcher, too, you know.
Dexter Broadhurst: I know that.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I would like to play for the St. Louis team.
Dexter Broadhurst: Well, I might arrange that.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I would like to catch. Now I'm being a good catcher, Tomorrow's pitching on the team, and I'm catching.
Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Tomorrow throws the ball and the guy up bunts the ball.
Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Now when he bunts the ball - me being a good catcher - I want to throw the guy out at first base, so I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Dexter Broadhurst: Now, that's the first thing you've said right.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
Dexter Broadhurst: Well, that's all you have to do.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Is to throw it to first base.
Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Now who's got it?
Dexter Broadhurst: Naturally.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Who has it?
Dexter Broadhurst: Naturally.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Naturally.
Dexter Broadhurst: Naturally.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Okay.
Dexter Broadhurst: Now you've got it.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Dexter Broadhurst: No, you don't, you throw the ball to first base.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Then who gets it?
Dexter Broadhurst: Naturally.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Okay.
Dexter Broadhurst: All right.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Dexter Broadhurst: You don't. You throw it to Who.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Naturally.
Dexter Broadhurst: Well, that's it. Say it that way.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: That's what I said.
Dexter Broadhurst: You did not.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I said I'd throw the ball to Naturally.
Dexter Broadhurst: You don't. You throw it to Who.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Naturally.
Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: So I throw the ball to first base and Naturally gets it.
Dexter Broadhurst: No. You throw the ball to first base.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Then who gets it?
Dexter Broadhurst:Naturally.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: That's what I'm saying.
Dexter Broadhurst: You're not saying that.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Excuse me, folks.
Dexter Broadhurst: It's all right. I'm sorry, folks.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Dexter Broadhurst: You throw it to Who.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Naturally.
Dexter Broadhurst: Naturally. Well, say it that way.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: That's what I'm saying.
Dexter Broadhurst: Don't get excited. Now don't get excited.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I throw the ball to first base.
Dexter Broadhurst: Then Who gets it.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: He better get it.
Dexter Broadhurst: That's it. All right, now don't get excited. Take it easy.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Hmmph.
Dexter Broadhurst: Hmmph.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Now I throw the ball to first base, whoever it is drops the ball, so the guy runs to second.
Dexter Broadhurst: Uh-huh.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Who picks up the ball and throws it to What, What throws it to I Don't Know, I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow - a triple play.
Dexter Broadhurst: Yeah. It could be.
Sebastian Dinwiddle: Another guy gets up and it's a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know. He's on third, and I don't care.
Dexter Broadhurst: What was that?
Sebastian Dinwiddle: I said, I don't care.

Taglines

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  • A Show Boat Load of Laughter!

Cast

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