The Muppets (film)
2011 film by James Bobin
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- [Gary had shown up after the dance number]
- Gary: Sorry. I was super excited.
- Kermit the Frog: I just thought maybe we could raise the money to buy the theater back if we all got together and put on one last show.
- Fozzie Bear: A show? But I've spent years building a solo career! I have a whole new show-biz family that loves me--
- Miss Poogy: [opens the door] Fozzie! What the heck are you doing, hibernating?! Next show starts in 30 seconds! We hired you, and we can fire you, so get your butt in here NOW! [slams the door]
- Fozzie Bear: [to Kermit] They terrify me. Let's go.
- [Kermit had just convinced Animal to drum again]
- Animal: In control.
- Jack Black: Good. I'm Animal's court-appointed sponsor. We don't use the D-R-U-M word. It's his trigger word.
- Kermit the Frog: His "trigger word"?
- Gary: Excuse me, Mr. Black. I'm so sorry to interrupt, but it's very important that these guys get their drummer-- [Jack Black punches Gary]
- Walter: Gary!
- Jack Black: It's my trigger word, too.
- Moderator: Jack, we talked about this on Tuesday.
- Jack Black: Tuesday's another one of my TRIGGER WORDS! [punches a classmate]
- Moderator: I DON'T THINK SO! [punches Jack Black] Sorry.
- [Hosting a political news segment]
- Sam the Eagle: Welcome to this week's edition of "Everything Stinks"! [the other Muppets pull him offscreen with a hooked cane, Vaudeville style]
- [Tex and Uncle Deadly are atop the Muppet Theater with a pair of boltcutters about to shut off the power]
- Tex Richman: To the end of the Muppets! [Uncle Deadly grabs the boltcutters to stop Tex] Deadly! What are you doing?!
- Uncle Deadly: Enough! Just because I have a terrifying name, and an evil English accent, does not preclude the fact that in my heart, I am a Muppet, not a Moopet! Looks like it's I who will have the last laugh!
- Tex Richman: What does that mean?!
- Uncle Deadly: It's an idiom, you idiot! Because you cannot laugh! Ha ha! [Tex falls off the roof and lands on the ground with a thud] Oopsie! [he laughs maniacally]
- Tex Richman: Deadly...
- Uncle Deadly: Now that's a maniacal laugh for you!
- Tex Richman: [Angrily] You artists formerly known as the Muppets are standing on private property--My private property! And I'm telling you to leave, NOW! [The Muppets Gasp]
- Kermit: [Sadly] He's right, everybody. He won. We gotta go. [As The Muppets Slowly Walk Away, Tex Richman Sighs In Disbelief]
- [Deleted Scene -- As The Door Closes, Tex Richman Smiles And Laughs Evilly]
- Tex Richman: Tex Richman Is Back In Town, Folks! [The Crowd Boos And Yells At Him] OH, BOO YOURSELF! [The Crowd Stops Booing] You're Lucky I Got On The Act! [The Crowd Continues Booing And Throwing Food At Himself] Hey, I Had These Clothes Washed! [Someone Else Throws Food At Him] Hey! Stop It! [The Crowd Throws Food At Him At Once] STOP IT! [Screams And Runs Away]
- Jason Segel as Gary
- Amy Adams as Mary
- Chris Cooper as Tex Richman
- Rashida Jones as Veronica Martin
- Jack Black as Himself
- Alan Arkin as Muppet Studios Tour Guide
- Bill Cobbs as Grandfather
- Zach Galifianakis as Hobo Joe (Joanna Newsom did his brief singing voice)
- Ken Jeong as Punch Teacher Host
- Jim Parsons as Human Walter
- Donald Glover as a Junior CDE Executive
- Eddie Pepitone as Postman
- Kristen Schaal as the Anger Management Group moderator
- Sarah Silverman as a Mel's Drive-In restaurant greeter
- Eddie "Piolin" Sotelo as a Univision Executive
- Dahila Wangort as FOX executive
- Michael Albala as NBC executive
- Aria Noelle Curzon as a Mel's Drive-In waitress
Cameo guest starsEdit
- Emily Blunt as Miss Piggy's French receptionist (spoofing her prior role as Emily Charlton from The Devil Wears Prada)
- James Carville as Himself
- Leslie Feist as Smalltown Resident
- Whoopi Goldberg as Herself
- Selena Gomez as Herself
- Dave Grohl as Animool
- Neil Patrick Harris as Himself
- Judd Hirsch as Himself
- John Krasinski as Himself
- Rico Rodriguez as Himself
- Mickey Rooney as Smalltown Resident
- Rob Corddry as Superman Impersonator (deleted scenes)
- Billy Crystal as Himself (deleted scenes)
- Ricky Gervais as Himself (deleted scenes)
- Kathy Griffin as Herself (deleted scenes)
- Sarah Hyland as Credit Card Club girl (deleted scenes)
- Sterling Knight as Credit Card Club boy (deleted scenes)
- Wanda Sykes as Officer Ethel (deleted scenes)
- Danny Trejo as a Prisoner (deleted scenes)
- Steve Whitmire as Kermit the Frog, Beaker, Statler, Rizzo the Rat, Link Hogthrob, The Muppet Newsman, Lips
- Eric Jacobson as Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Animal, Sam the Eagle, Marvin Suggs
- Dave Goelz as Gonzo, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Zoot, Beauregard, Waldorf, Kermit Moopet
- Bill Barretta as The Swedish Chef, Rowlf the Dog, Dr. Teeth, Pepe the King Prawn, Bobo the Bear, Beautiful Day Monster, Mahna Mahna, Behemoth, Fozzie Moopet, Muppet Gary, Whatnot Hobo
- David Rudman as Scooter, Janice, Miss Poogy, Wayne, Nigel the Conductor, Bobby Benson
- Matt Vogel as Floyd Pepper, Camilla the Chicken, Sweetums, '80s Robot, Lew Zeland, Uncle Deadly, Crazy Harry, Rowlf Moopet
- Peter Linz as Walter