Wikiquote

The Muppet Christmas Carol

1992 film directed by Brian Henson

The Muppet Christmas Carol is a 1992 musical comedy film adaptation of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. It is the fourth of a series of live action musical feature films starring The Muppets. Although it is a comedic remake with contemporary songs, it otherwise follows Dickens' original story closely of an old miser whose dark spirit and attitude about Christmas is transformed by the visit of three separate spirits during Christmas Eve.

The film was dedicated to the memory of concept creator Jim Henson and puppeteer Richard Hunt, involved with the Muppets since the early 1970s, who both died before the film's release.

Dialogue

edit
Gonzo/"Charles Dickens": Hello! Welcome to the Muppet Christmas Carol! I am here to tell the story.
Rizzo the Rat: And I am here for the food.
Gonzo/"Charles Dickens": [narrating as "Mr. Dickens"] Night was falling, and the lamplighters were plying their trade. And by the way I don't think I never see Scrooge act like- [accidentally lights Rizzo's tail]
Rizzo the Rat: Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, light the lamp, not the rat, LIGHT THE LAMP, NOT THE RAT!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!! PUT ME OUT!!!!!
Gonzo/"Charles Dickens": Oh! My apologies! Um... [suddenly spotting a barrel of water below the lamp post] Rizzo!
Rizzo the Rat: WHAT?!???
["Mr. Dickens" pushes Rizzo so he falls into the water barrel]
Rizzo the Rat: [surfaces from the frozen water, shivering greatly] Th-th-thank you.
Gonzo/"Charles Dickens": You're welcome. [Rizzo sinks back into the water, still shivering]
Scrooge: One might say that December is the foreclosure season. Harvest time for the money lenders.
Bob Cratchet: If you please, Mr. Scrooge, it's gotten colder. And the bookkeeping staff would like to have an extra shovel-full of coal for the fire.
Bookkeeper 1: We can't do the bookkeeping.
Bookkeeper 2: All of our pens have turned to ink-cicles!
Bookkeeper 3: Our assets are frozen!
Scrooge: And how would the bookkeepers like to be suddenly... UNEMPLOYED?!!!?
Bookkeepers: HEAT WAVE! [Singing] This the island in the sun...
Bob Cratchet: Um, I believe you've convinced them once again, Mr. Scrooge.
Bob Cratchet: Excuse me, Mr. Scrooge, but it appears to be closing time.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Very well. I'll see you at 8 tomorrow morning.
Bob Cratchet: Um, tomorrow's Christmas.
Ebenezer Scrooge: 8:30, then.
Bob Cratchet: If you please, sir, half an hour off hardly seems customary for Christmas Day.
Ebenezer Scrooge: And how much time is customary, Mr. Cratchet?
Bob Cratchet: Well, the, uh, whole day.
Ebenezer Scrooge: The entire day?
Bookkeepers: [all talking at once] Oh, no! No! It was the frog's idea!
Bob Cratchet: If you please, Mr. Scrooge, why open the business tomorrow? Other business will be closed; you'll have no one to do business with. It'll waste a lot of expensive coal for the fire.
Ebenezer Scrooge: It's a poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every December the 25th. But as I seem to be the only one around who knows that... take the day off.
Rizzo the Rat: Boy, that's scary stuff! Should we be worried about the kids in the audience?
Gonzo/"Charles Dickens": Nah, it's all right. This is culture!
Gonzo/"Charles Dickens": Once again, I must ask you to remember that the Marleys were dead and decaying in their graves.
Rizzo the Rat: Yuck!
Gonzo/"Charles Dickens": [In a hushed voice] That one thing you must remember, or nothing that follows will seem wondrous.
Rizzo the Rat: Why are you whispering?
Gonzo/"Charles Dickens": It's for dramatic emphasis.
Jacob Marley: Why do you doubt your senses?
Ebenezer Scrooge: Because a little thing can affect them. A slight disorder of the stomach can make them cheat. You may be a bit of undigested beef, a blob of mustard, a crumb of cheese. Yes, there's more gravy than of grave about you!
Robert Marley: "More of gravy than of grave"?
Jacob Marley: What a terrible pun! Where do you get those jokes?
Robert Marley: Leave the comedy to the bears, Ebenezer!
Ghost of Christmas Past: Let us see another Christmas in this place.
Ebenezer Scrooge: They were all very much the same. Nothing ever changed.
Ghost of Christmas Past: You changed.
Fozziwig: At this time in the proceedings, it is a tradition for me to make a little speech.
Jacob Marley: And it's a tradition for us to take a little nap!
Fozziwig: Oh, pay no attention to them. My speech! Here's my Christmas speech. Ahem. "Thank you all, and Merry Christmas."
Jacob Marley: That was the speech?
Robert Marley: It was dumb!
Jacob Marley: It was obvious!
Robert Marley: It was pointless!
Jacob Marley: It was... short!
[turns to Robert]
Jacob and Robert Marley: I loved it!
[Scrooge has met the Ghost of Christmas Future]
Rizzo the Rat: Oh, this is too scary. I don't think I want to see any more!
Gonzo/"Charles Dickens": When you're right, you're right. [To the audience] You're on your own, folks. We'll meet you at the finale.
Rizzo the Rat: Yeah! [Both quickly leave]
[The Ghost of Christmas Future has taken Scrooge back to the graveyard]
Ebenezer Scrooge: Must we return to this place? There is something else I must know, is that not true? Spirit, I know what I must ask. I fear to, but I must. Who was the wretched man whose death brought so much glee and happiness to others?
[The Ghost points to a gravestone. Scrooge starts to step towards it, but then turns back to the Ghost, frightened]
Ebenezer Scrooge: Answer me one more question: Are these the shadows of things that will be, or are they the shadows of things that may be only?
[The Ghost points to the gravestone again, Scrooge slowly steps to it, apprehensively]
Ebenezer Scrooge: These events can be changed... A life can be made right.
[Scrooge finally reaches the gravestone and brushes off the snow covering it, revealing the name...]
Ebenezer Scrooge: [gasps and breaks into tears] "Ebenezer Scrooge"?! Oh, please, Spirit, no! Hear me! I–I'm not the man I was! Why would you show me this if I was past all hope? [Goes back to the Ghost, crying] I–I will honor Christmas and try to keep it all the year. I will live my life in the past, the present, and the future. I will not shut out the lessons the spirits have taught me. [Gestures to his gravestone] Tell me that I may sponge out the writing on this stone. [Goes to his knees, grasping the Ghost's robe desperately] Oh, Spirit? Please speak to me!!

Cast

edit

Performers

edit
edit
Retrieved from "https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=The_Muppet_Christmas_Carol&oldid=3631311"