- I need a lift in your el truck-o to the next town-o!
- Guns don't kill people - postal workers do.
- I'm here to regulate funkiness.
- By the grace of God or I don't know what honey you have managed to Forrest Gump your way through this. If we run now, we're going to be running the rest of our lives.
- Real emotion transcends language, Jerry. You don't have to understand their words to feel their pain.
- I am a hostage? This is so Jerry.
- Oh, NOW! you're BLAMESHIFTING!
- Car Thief: If you're going to kill me, at least tell me who it is that's going to send me to God. Tell me!
- Jerry: Look, I'm not going to kill you. But I am going to shoot you.
- Car Thief: But why, sir? Why?
- Jerry: Why? Why? Because you stole from me and you know about the pistol and you're just going to steal again and I can't have you coming back in the situation like a fly in the ointment.
- Car Thief: No, I won't be a fly! You'll never see me again.
- Jerry: Look, you're getting shot and that's it. It will take you time to get to the next town especially if you're limping.
- Car Thief: Wait, wait! What? Limping? Can't you just tie me up some more? I mean, fuck. You shoot me? Tie me!
- Jerry: Yeah, I don't have a rope.
- Car Thief: So you shoot me?
- Jerry: It's the American way.
- Samantha: I have to ask you a question. It's a good one so think about it. If two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together, when do you get to that point of enough is enough?
- Jerry: Never.
- Samantha: What was that?
- Leroy: What?
- Samantha: That [points eyes to the right] moment?
- Leroy: "What? What moment... ?
- Samantha: ...Are you gay?
- Leroy: As is happy?
- Samantha: As in homosexual... ?
- Leroy: What does my sexuality have anything to do with this?
- Samantha: You just checked that guy out and had a "moment"!
- love with the safety off