The Life and Times of Juniper Lee
The Life and Times of Juniper Lee (2005–2007), was an American animated television series. The series centers on the life of a preteen girl, named Juniper Lee. The magic and human worlds have been separated by a magical barrier, preventing ordinary humans from seeing any magic-related events or the creatures related to them. Juniper has recently been made the new Te Xuan Ze, which gives her the responsibility of maintaining the balance between the human and magic worlds. The show has a fairly campy take on the genre, and at times often makes fun of itself. Being a Te Xuan Ze is not easy for Juniper. She has to postpone what she likes doing the most just to save the world.
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It's Your Party and I'll Whine If I Want To [1.1]Edit
- Juniper Lee: Sorry we're late.
- Jody Irwin: You're always late.
- Juniper Lee: I know.
- Juniper Lee: Your mother hired a clown?
- Jody Irwin: It was the pony, the magician, or the clown.
- Ophelia Ramírez: Ah, the lesser of three evils.
- Ophelia Ramírez: One, there's no music. Two, if there was music, I wouldn't like it. Three, no.
I've Got My Mind on My Mummy and My Mummy on My Mind [1.2]Edit
- June: Ray-Ray.......what did you do?
- Ray-Ray: What?
- June: What did you do?
- Ray-Ray: Nothing.......
- June: Nothing? we've got 40 pounds of slug in our toilet.........what did you do?!
- Cult: What's that?
- June: That’s my dog, and he’s showing us the way out. Ya ready to go bubba?
- Cult: Sure!
- June: Good. 'Cause it’s go-time.
It Takes a Pillage [1.3]Edit
- Jody is possessed by a Viking spirit
- Jody Irwin: Give me the medallion, you milk-livered runt!
- Juniper Lee: Runt?! I've got two inches on you!
New Trickster in Town [1.4]Edit
- Thor: "ordering pity party of one please, your table is ready, tonights special is an oven roasted fillet of poor me, served on a delightful bed of cry me a river."
- Juniper: "Thanks for all your help. I hope we did not interupt anything."
- Thor: "Well, just book club. But it's ok,"...whispering: "I hadn't read it yet anyway, don't tell anybody."
Not in My Backyard [1.5]Edit
- June: Ray-Ray, what did you do?
- Ray Ray: (laughs) Relax. When I tell you, you're gonna laugh, I swear!
- June: Ray Ray!
- Ray Ray: Okay, you know those cyclone monkeys you got locked up in your room?
- June: Yeah?
- Ray Ray: Well, not so much locked up anymore.
- (Ray Ray opens the door to show the cyclone monkeys loose, causing havoc)
- June: Oh, man!
- Ray Ray: It wasn't my fault! You should label those boxes you keep them in.
- June: (picks up the box) It is labeled! "Cyclone Monkeys! Danger! DO NOT OPEN!!"
- Ray Ray: You see, that's kinda vague.
- Ray Ray: We should get a dog!
- Barbara Lee: Ray Ray!
- Michael Lee: You seem to have forgotten Monroe.
- Barbara Lee: Yes, sweetie, we have a dog.
- Ray Ray: (silently) I was hoping for one who didn't talk back so much.
- (Barbara stares, Juniper kicks Ray Ray in the shin):
- Ray Ray: Ow! Uh, I mean, Monroe is June's dog. I want one of my own.
- Dennis: If he gets a dog, I'm getting a snake.
- June: Yeah, well, if Dennis gets a snake, I wanna get my ears pierced again.
- Michael Lee: Hey! No snakes, one set of holes in your ears is plenty, and we have a dog!
- Ray Ray: If I get my grades up, then can I have a dog?
- Barbara Lee: (pauses) What's wrong with your grades?
- June: Smooth.
- Ray Ray: Nothing! I just mean...going from the straight A's I'm getting to A-pluses! You know, kickin' out hardcore!
- Michael Lee: Atta boy, Ray Ray! Glad to hear you're getting excited about learning.
- (Ray Ray is tossing appliances, toys, and sporting goods in the Batoot's mouth)
- Ray Ray: Yeah!
- June: Ray Ray, stop that! He's a monster, not a landfill.
Enter Sandman [1.6]Edit
- (June, Ray Ray, and Dennis are practicing their musical act for the school's talent show):
- Juniper Lee: Hold on, hold on. Ahh! My guitar's out of tune.
- Dennis: Trust me, Van Halen, it's not the guitar.
- Juniper Lee: Hey, at least I can keep the beat. There's dead people who can keep time better than you.
- Dennis: Oh, yeah? Well, Ray-Ray doesn't even know which song we're playing.
- Ray Ray: Dude, I go where the music takes me. (he drums)
- Juniper Lee: Come on. Tryouts for the talent show are tomorrow. Can we please try and get through one song?
- Ray Ray: Dude! Roger is a musical genius!
- Juniper Lee: Yeah, but look at Mr. Roskins. He hates everything.
- Dennis: Oh, what do you care what some old geezer thinks.
- Juniper Lee: He's the judge.
- Dennis: So?
- Juniper Lee: He decides which acts get in the show.
- Dennis: So?
- Juniper Lee: If he doesn't like us, we don't get in.
- Dennis: In what?
- Juniper Lee: I cannot believe we're related.
- Ray Ray: We rule!
- Juniper Lee: Hmph. That was weird.
- Dennis: No, it's not. We got in off our reputation.
- Juniper Lee: Reputation? Mom and Dad are the only ones who've heard us play, and they made us soundproof the basement! We stink!
- Dennis: You stink. I carry both of your no-talent butts.
- Juniper Lee: You play bass, Dennis. It's a miracle anyone even notices you.
Ding Dong, the Witch Ain't Dead [1.7]Edit
- June: Please tell me this isn't happening. (bracelet rings) Oh. Okay, okay! I get it! It's happening!
I'll Get By with a Little Help from My Elf [1.8]Edit
- (After Juniper gets grounded)
- Monroe: AAAAAH! You didn't think it was a wee bit suspicious he was helping you for absolutely no reason at all?!
- Juniper Lee: He's a helper elf! He had a badge!
- Monroe: (points to Ray-Ray) This one had a t-shirt that says "Rock Star", you don't see me asking for his autograph!
- Ray Ray: That's 'cause it costs a dollar.
- Monroe: Well, congratulations on being the first Te Xuan Ze forbidden to fight monsters by her parents.
The World According to L.A.R.P. [1.9]Edit
Magic Takes a Holiday [1.10]Edit
- Ophelia: Okay, listen up, people, I'm makin' a few changes here. (Rolls out "Stalk the Rocksical" banner)
- Ophelia: Terrence, Melissa.... You were cast as Jack and the Princess? Heh. Yeah, we've decided to go another way. Now you're the cow! (Melissa audibly gasps) Oh and MELISSA, take the BACK-half.
- Melissa: Guh, you can't-!
- Ophelia: Jody, YOU'RE the new princess. (Jody shrieks out with joy) Ray Ray, you're gonna be the goose.
- Ophelia: (after Roger interrupts) Roger! For the tenth time, you are not in this scene.
- Roger: But I've only got two lines at the end of the play. I just run out and scream, "Power to the beans! Power to the beans!"
- Ophelia: And if you come in early one more time, I'm gonna cut it down to NO lines. Comprende? Bikers, you're killing me here. You're absolutely killing me. You're the vicious scourge of the road. Let me see some grip. And grim reaper, you're supposed to be the bringer of death. Hello?! When you come out on that stage, I want that audience DEAD. Get it? DEAD! (calmly) But I must say I think it was your best effort yet. Take five. BUT ONLY FIVE!
- June: It's Edipan, you idiots. You're supposed to be on vacation!
- Dimitri: I don't observe Edipan.
- Hench-yeti: He's not crazy about Labor Day either.
Take My Life. Please [1.11]Edit
- Ashley: Hey, that is such a cool shirt. It looks really cute on you!
- Ray Ray: Dude. I am never taking this off.
- Monroe: I hate to break it to ya, lad, but you never do. You're like Charlie Brown.
- June: I've got like 300 episodes of The Powerpuff Girls on tape and tons of other stuff to do and... [to the TV] Get 'em, Bubbles! [to Ah-Mah on the phone] I'll call you later, 'kay? Bye!
Meet the Parent [1.12]Edit
Monster Con [1.13]Edit
It's the Great Pumpkin, Juniper Lee [2.1]Edit
Oh Brother, What Art Thou? [2.2]Edit
The Great Escape [2.3]Edit
Picture Day [2.4]Edit
Star Quality [2.5]Edit
There's No Mitzvah Like Snow Mitzvah [2.6]Edit
Bada Bing Bada Boomfist [2.7]Edit
Adventures in Babysitting [2.8]Edit
June's Egg-cellent Adventure: Juniper Lee Meets the Easter Bunny [2.9]Edit
- Monroe: (after Ray Ray eats pieces of Sweetland's nature) Not everything is made of candy. You just ate a tree, leaves and dirt.
- Juniper: (yelling) IT'S NOT A DATE!!
- Monroe: (after William sent a message) What's it say?
- Rabbit: (reading) Well it says, oh my. It's a poem entitled, My name is Monroe, I'm a fat fatty, I can't see my feet. All I loves to do is eat, eat, eat. (to Monroe) and eat, eat, eat was underlined 3 times.
- Monroe: (grabs the letter and gets angry) Rabbits, prepare for WAR!!!
I've Got You Under My Skin [2.10]Edit
- Juniper: (pounding on the bathroom door) Dennis! C'mon! You said you'd be done in 5 minutes, it's been 15, I need to take a shower!
- Dennis: (heard inside the bathroom; groans) Get lost, dweeb! ...I'm shaving.
- Juniper: Ugh please, I have more mustache than you do. (Dennis opens the door and puts his head through, his chin and cheeks are covered in foam)
- Dennis: You said it, not me! (he wipes foam under June's nose and goes back in the bathroom, laughing, June wipes the foam off her lip)
- Juniper: Mom?...is that you...
- Barbara: Yes, honey?
- Juniper: I'm not feelin' very good...
- Barbara: Oh... not buying it. Get up!
- Juniper: Ugh. Was it that obvious?!
- Barbara: Oh, please, at least when your brother plays being sick, he fakes throwing up.
- Ray Ray (June): My name's June, and my brother Ray Ray's a rock-star!
- Ray Ray (June): Hey, tell me something and be honest. Does my hair look extra bouncy today? Cuz seriously, watch this! (bounces her hair)
- Ophelia: Okay, who are you and what did you do with Juniper?
- Monroe (Ray Ray): Oooh nothing. She's just real excited (clears up throat and does American accent) She's just real excited because she- used a new conditioner. What a dweeb, eh? (Ray Ray snorts and him and Monroe start to laugh)
- Monroe (Ray Ray): My name's Ray Ray Lee and I'm a complete idiot.
- Monroe (Ray Ray): Can you keep the big fella on the run for a wee bit without getting caught?
- Ray Ray (June): What? You kiddin'? With legs this long I can outrun a greyhound!
- Monroe (Ray Ray): Then off you go! Run like the wind!
- (after the spell doesn't work right and June and Ray Ray are transformed into copies of Monroe and scream)
- Monroe: Look at ya! You're GORGEOUS! It's like Monroe.... in stereo!
- Ray Ray: Lemme see that stone! No way I'm staying like this for- hey, wait a minute.... I've got a tail!
Welcome Bat Otter [2.11]Edit
Dog Show Afternoon [2.12]Edit
Dream Date [2.13]Edit
Party Monsters [3.1]Edit
Who's Your Daddy? [3.2]Edit
Water We Fighting For? [3.3]Edit
Feets Too Big [3.4]Edit
Citizen June [3.5]Edit
Make Me Up Before You Go-Go [3.6]Edit
- June: Lila, don't worry about it. My friends are some of the nicest kids you'll ever meet.
- Jody: I hate everyone and everything!!
- Lila: Look if I go now, nobody'll notice.
- June: Lila, calm down, everything's going to be okay. (Jody sticks her head out the door)
- Jody: Run! Don't look back! Save yourselves! (Rachel pushes her away and opens the door)
- Rachel: Move it maggots! Move, move, move!
- Rachel: (sweetly) Slumber party, who doesn't love a good slumber party? (gets angry) ME that's who! Especially since I got put on dweeb duty! So nobody bother me or else! (gets in Lila's face) Got it?! (Lila growls at her, Rachel backs off)...Right.
- Ophelia: Please tell me you can teach me that.
- Lila: Number one rule when living in the woods, bad smell; no go.
- June: Well, we're not in the woods anymore.
- Lila: (she sniffs the monster) But he smells really funky. (June sniffs him too)
- June: Okay, so he's not exactly a walking air freshener, that's still not a good reason to leave him --
- Lila: No, I'm mean bad smell, as in up-to-no-good smell.
- June: That's a lot of lipstick for a dog.
- Monroe: Well, sometimes I like to feel pretty!
- Ophelia: Gee, when did I get invited to Dorkville?
Out of the Past [3.7]Edit
- Kai Yee: Old woman, you are not worthy of such an honor. You do not deserve the title, "protector".
- Ah-Mah: Neither do you!
- Ah-Mah: June, I forgot my staff, could you please go get it for me?
- Juniper: Yeah. (runs to get it)
- Ah-Mah: Monroe.
- Monroe: Right. (traps June behind fireplace)
- Ray Ray: I mean, did you even SEE how much soda I drank today? (Monroe looks over and sees a huge pile of soda cans)
- Monroe: Alright lad, (opens the chimney up) but I'm going to need your word as a gentlemen to... (Ray Ray comes out quickly and traps Monroe, then goes over to where June's trapped)
- Ray Ray: Hang on sis, I'll have ya outta there before ya can say dragon boogers! (cut to June inside)
- Juniper: Ray Ray? (cut back, Ray Ray lets her out) You rule Ray Ray!
- Ah-Mah: He is so determined, so full of potential, so much...like you.
- Juniper: You think I'm like him?
- Ah-Mah: I don't know.
- Ah-Mah: There is no greater champion than that child! On the best day of your life, you can only hope to be half the champion she is!
- Kai Yee: Amusing... seeing as how today is my best day.
- Juniper: (making fun of Kai Yee after she hit him) Hey, you ok? That look like it hurt.
- Juniper: (making Kai Yee hit himself with a chain) Why are you hitting yourself?! Why?! Why?!
- (June stops Kai Yee from destroying the Orb of Elders)
- Kai Yee: It does not have to be this way! We could put an end to this, you and I. We could rule the world, together! (June pauses to to look away)
- Juniper: Thanks, I'll pass. (hits him)
- Ah-Mah: (to Juniper) You will be the best of us. You are a great Te Xuan Ze.
- Juniper: So were you Ah-Mah, so were you.
Sealed With a Fist! [3.8]Edit
- Dennis: ...and I know you're gonna freak out but just stay with me, OK. (takes a deep breath) Magic, is real.
- Juniper: ...Wow. Figure that out all by yourself?
- Dennis: Get ahold of yourself!
- Juniper: I'm fine Dennis, you on the other hand, know too much.
- Dennis: What? (Monroe throws Goblin Dust on him, he coughs) Did the dog just throw powder on me?!
- Monroe: Uh-oh.
- Juniper and Ray Ray: What?
- Monroe: Apparently we've Goblin Dusted 'im so much he's developed an immunity to it.
- Juniper: He knows but, only enough to get himself killed out there. He needs to know.
- Dennis: (about to go on a "world-saving mission") Farewell sister, for I may not return. (leaves, June chases after him)
- Juniper: Dennis, wait! I've gotta tell you something!
- Monroe: Lass, no! Ya can't tell 'em the truth!
- Monroe: 10 bucks says he freaks out.
- Ray Ray: You're on.
- Dennis: And all that magic stuff Ah-Mah gives you, it's real?
- Boomfist: With the powers of H.A.T.E., the villains of L.O.V.E. don't stand a chance!
- Monroe: (upon seeing Ray Ray with Boomfist) Can it really be?
- Juniper: It's not possible.
- Dennis: Whoa. Why ya talkin' to the dog?
- Juniper: Besides, tights make my butt look big.
- Boomfist: Duh, whaddya think the cape's for?
- Juniper: (gloating to H.A.T.E.) What's that you always say Boomfist?
- Boomfist: (Solemnly) There's nothing you can't work out when you set your mind to it...(Smirking)...And decide to cheat."
- Monroe: Actually lass, he's absolutely right.
- Juniper: But the magic he learns isn't real.
- Monroe: Actually, a lot of the magic Dennis and his friends practice is based on real magical spells. He may even know more magic than YOU.
- Monroe: It took a little work, but I managed dig up an Amnesian Stone. If used properly, it can wipe out the last 24 hours of Dennis' memory. ...Should I uh, give 'er a rub?
- Juniper: Mmm.... (glances at Dennis talking with Ray Ray) ...Nah. We couldn't have won today without Dennis. And... I know he can be a real pain but, well, it turns out he's pretty good at this. Heh. Who knew?
- Monroe: (smiling) Guess it runs in the family.
- Juniper: Yeah. ....Who knows, maybe he'll even be fun to have around...
- Dennis: (offscreen) Hey June, what's this do? (she gets hit with a magical blast, burning her hair) Oh man! June! You should really label these things, June, sheesh.
- Juniper: (to Monroe) But hang on to the stone. Just in case.
Little Big Mah [3.9]Edit
Te Xuan Me? [3.10]Edit
Food for Naught [3.11]Edit
A Helping H.A.M. [3.12]Edit
The Kids Stay in the Picture [3.13]Edit
Every Witch Way but Loose [3.14]Edit
- Juniper: I am but a hand, I am but a vessel, I am the stone that balances the worlds.