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The Larry Sanders Show

television program

The Larry Sanders Show (1992–1998) is a satirical television sitcom, aired on the HBO cable television network in the United States, about a vain, neurotic talk show host, the running of his TV show, and the many people behind the scenes.


Recurring quotesEdit

[opening lines]
Hank: You folks see that flashing sign up there? Now, that sign says: "Applesauce." No, no, I'm kidding. It says "applause." Ray, do me a favor. Could you flick that once? [crowd applauds] All right. Now remember. You're all a big part of the show, so the better you are, the better Larry is. You see this gentleman? He's giving me this sign and it says, "We're on in ten seconds." So get ready to have a good time. All right, here we go. This is exciting, isn't it?

Season 1Edit

The Garden Weasel (a.k.a. What Have You Done For Me Lately?) [1.01]Edit

Hank: That one Green Giant spot has been a real monkey on my back. I'll tell you one thing: If they ever ask you to put on a pair of green tights, no matter how much they offer you, you just walk away. Walk away.
Larry: I'll remember that.

Artie: Fine, you just go home. I'll come over there later; stick a red hot poker up your ass. We'll call it even.
Larry: Okay. You have my address, right?
Artie: And your poker size.

Larry: The only reason I'm not running for president this year, I swear to God, is I am afraid no woman would come forward to say she had sex with me.

Larry: Sonny Bono did not get elected to a Senate seat here in California. That's when you know you live in California, when you look on the ballot and Sonny Bono is running for a senate seat. I was really towards running for the Captain of Captain & Tennille, because evidently, he at least has some military experience.

Larry: So how many of you saw Bill Clinton on Arsenio Hall when he played the sax? Well, good to know you're watching my competition.

The Promise [1.02]Edit

The Spider Episode [1.03]Edit

Jeannie: [after Larry considers going through with the spider stunt on his show] Let me get this straight. You're willing to confront your fears if it's in front of 20 million people and for a laugh? So, can we start a family if I have a baby at The Greek Theater?

Guest Host [1.04]Edit

The New Producer [1.05]Edit

The Flirt Episode [1.06]Edit

Hank's Contract [1.07]Edit

Out of the Loop [1.08]Edit

Hank: [watching the head writer and the new girl have sex outside the office] Wow, and I thought I had a hairy ass!

Talk Show [1.09]Edit

Party [1.10]Edit

The Warmth Episode [1.11]Edit

Larry: I'm telling you, I have a real problem. Twenty people could say they liked me, Artie, and I am telling you I'd still be thinking: seventeen of them are lying, two of them probably have severe emotional problems and one of them is probably confusing me with Larry King.

A Brush with the Elbow of Greatness [1.12]Edit

Hey Now [1.13]Edit

Season 2Edit

The Breakdown (1) [2.01]Edit

The Breakdown (2) [2.02]Edit

The List [2.03]Edit

Hank: What else is my jackass businessman [unintell.] have to say?
Darlene: [reading] "Mr. Kingsley, restaurants rotate when they are at the tops of buildings. Your place is at street level: There is no view."
Hank: He does not get it! Y'see, the point is... It's not the view!... The point is, when you eat at Hank's, YOU and YOUR FOOD... are going... on an adventure!
Darlene: Maybe you should just forget the rotating floor and get the place going!

The Stalker [2.04]Edit

Larry's Agent [2.05]Edit

The Hankerciser 200 [2.06]Edit

Larry Sanders: [on Francine's accident with the Hankerciser 200] She was so bruised Hank, she couldn't have sex, okay?

Life Behind Larry [2.07]Edit

Artie's Gone [2.08]Edit

Larry Loses Interest [2.09]Edit

Larry's Partner [2.10]Edit

Broadcast Nudes [2.11]Edit

Artie: [to Darlene about appearing in Playboy] Look at me; I've got a face that would crack a mirror that's why I am a producer.

Larry's Birthday [2.12]Edit

Being There [2.13]Edit

Performance Artist [2.14]Edit

Hank's Wedding [2.15]Edit

Off Camera [2.16]Edit

Artie: [to Elizabeth Ashley in the throes of passion in the Garment Room] Ever since you've gone on SlimfastTM, I'm powerless.

The Grand Opening [2.17]Edit

L.A. or N.Y.? [2.18]Edit

Larry: [After quitting the show and moving to Montana] And now because he made a big mistake, Larry Sanders... Fucking frogs.

Season 4Edit

Artie After Hours [4.03]Edit

Artie: It's scotch whisky... Glenlivet, single malt. When you die, you'll go to heaven, say hello to God; and when God says hello to you, this is what you'll smell on his breath.

Hank's Sex Tape [4.07]Edit

Hank: You know, sex is not a dirty thing. Sex is not a crime. It's a loving act between two or more consenting adults.
Larry: quote our president.

Season 5Edit

Ellen, or Isn't She [5.08]Edit

[Stevie is raving about promoting an episode where Ellen DeGeneres comes out as a lesbian]
Larry: All right, look, you know, I think we're avoiding one little question here: what if she's not a lesbian? Did you guys ever think of that?
Stevie: Oh, man, I- she's a lesbian, I can tell, right? I've had sex with a lesbian.
Artie: So you had sex with a lesbian. You gotta have sex with two lesbians, that's the whole point.

Season 6Edit

Adolph Hankler [6.06]Edit

Melanie Parrish: Arthur...
Artie: Melanie! And Kenny! What an almost-pleasant surprise! ...
Melanie: Look, Arthur: We're a little worried, here...
Artie: About what?
Melanie: Is Jon [Stewart] aware that this is an 11:30 show?!
Artie: [nods]
Melanie: ..and he just told us that he booked the Wu Tang Clan!
Artie: Yes! Staten Island's street-wise troubadours. ... What about 'em?
Kenny Mitchell: Well, we think they might be a little too... "urban".
Artie: Urban? Well, I can call my good friend, Lenny Kravitz. He's only half-"urban"!


External linksEdit