The Larry Sanders Show
The Larry Sanders Show (1992–1998) is a satirical television sitcom, aired on the HBO cable television network in the United States, about a vain, neurotic talk show host, the running of his TV show, and the many people behind the scenes.
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- [opening lines]
- Hank: You folks see that flashing sign up there? Now, that sign says: "Applesauce." No, no, I'm kidding. It says "applause." Ray, do me a favor. Could you flick that once? [crowd applauds] All right. Now remember. You're all a big part of the show, so the better you are, the better Larry is. You see this gentleman? He's giving me this sign and it says, "We're on in ten seconds." So get ready to have a good time. All right, here we go. This is exciting, isn't it?
The Garden Weasel (a.k.a. What Have You Done For Me Lately?) [1.01]Edit
- Hank: That one Green Giant spot has been a real monkey on my back. I'll tell you one thing: If they ever ask you to put on a pair of green tights, no matter how much they offer you, you just walk away. Walk away.
- Larry: I'll remember that.
- Artie: Fine, you just go home. I'll come over there later; stick a red hot poker up your ass. We'll call it even.
- Larry: Okay. You have my address, right?
- Artie: And your poker size.
- Larry: The only reason I'm not running for president this year, I swear to God, is I am afraid no woman would come forward to say she had sex with me.
- Larry: Sonny Bono did not get elected to a Senate seat here in California. That's when you know you live in California, when you look on the ballot and Sonny Bono is running for a senate seat. I was really towards running for the Captain of Captain & Tennille, because evidently, he at least has some military experience.
- Larry: So how many of you saw Bill Clinton on Arsenio Hall when he played the sax? Well, good to know you're watching my competition.
The Promise [1.02]Edit
The Spider Episode [1.03]Edit
- Jeannie: [after Larry considers going through with the spider stunt on his show] Let me get this straight. You're willing to confront your fears if it's in front of 20 million people and for a laugh? So, can we start a family if I have a baby at The Greek Theater?
Guest Host [1.04]Edit
The New Producer [1.05]Edit
The Flirt Episode [1.06]Edit
Hank's Contract [1.07]Edit
Out of the Loop [1.08]Edit
- Hank: [watching the head writer and the new girl have sex outside the office] Wow, and I thought I had a hairy ass!
Talk Show [1.09]Edit
The Warmth Episode [1.11]Edit
- Larry: I'm telling you, I have a real problem. Twenty people could say they liked me, Artie, and I am telling you I'd still be thinking: seventeen of them are lying, two of them probably have severe emotional problems and one of them is probably confusing me with Larry King.
A Brush with the Elbow of Greatness [1.12]Edit
Hey Now [1.13]Edit
The Breakdown (1) [2.01]Edit
The Breakdown (2) [2.02]Edit
The List [2.03]Edit
- Hank: What else is my jackass businessman [unintell.] have to say?
- Darlene: [reading] "Mr. Kingsley, restaurants rotate when they are at the tops of buildings. Your place is at street level: There is no view."
- Hank: He does not get it! Y'see, the point is... It's not the view!... The point is, when you eat at Hank's, YOU and YOUR FOOD... are going... on an adventure!
- Darlene: Maybe you should just forget the rotating floor and get the place going!
The Stalker [2.04]Edit
Larry's Agent [2.05]Edit
The Hankerciser 200 [2.06]Edit
Life Behind Larry [2.07]Edit
Artie's Gone [2.08]Edit
Larry Loses Interest [2.09]Edit
Larry's Partner [2.10]Edit
Broadcast Nudes [2.11]Edit
- Artie: [to Darlene about appearing in Playboy] Look at me; I've got a face that would crack a mirror that's why I am a producer.
Larry's Birthday [2.12]Edit
Being There [2.13]Edit
Performance Artist [2.14]Edit
Hank's Wedding [2.15]Edit
Off Camera [2.16]Edit
- Artie: [to Elizabeth Ashley in the throes of passion in the Garment Room] Ever since you've gone on SlimfastTM, I'm powerless.
The Grand Opening [2.17]Edit
L.A. or N.Y.? [2.18]Edit
- Larry: [After quitting the show and moving to Montana] And now because he made a big mistake, Larry Sanders... Fucking frogs.
Artie After Hours [4.03]Edit
- Artie: It's scotch whisky... Glenlivet, single malt. When you die, you'll go to heaven, say hello to God; and when God says hello to you, this is what you'll smell on his breath.
Hank's Sex Tape [4.07]Edit
- Hank: You know, sex is not a dirty thing. Sex is not a crime. It's a loving act between two or more consenting adults.
- Larry: ...to quote our president.
Ellen, or Isn't She [5.08]Edit
- [Stevie is raving about promoting an episode where Ellen DeGeneres comes out as a lesbian]
- Larry: All right, look, you know, I think we're avoiding one little question here: what if she's not a lesbian? Did you guys ever think of that?
- Stevie: Oh, man, I- she's a lesbian, I can tell, right? I've had sex with a lesbian.
- Artie: So you had sex with a lesbian. You gotta have sex with two lesbians, that's the whole point.
Adolph Hankler [6.06]Edit
- Melanie Parrish: Arthur...
- Artie: Melanie! And Kenny! What an almost-pleasant surprise! ...
- Melanie: Look, Arthur: We're a little worried, here...
- Artie: About what?
- Melanie: Is Jon [Stewart] aware that this is an 11:30 show?!
- Artie: [nods]
- Melanie: ..and he just told us that he booked the Wu Tang Clan!
- Artie: Yes! Staten Island's street-wise troubadours. ... What about 'em?
- Kenny Mitchell: Well, we think they might be a little too... "urban".
- Artie: Urban? Well, I can call my good friend, Lenny Kravitz. He's only half-"urban"!
- Garry Shandling - Larry Sanders
- Rip Torn - Arthur ("Artie")
- Jeffrey Tambor - Hank Kingsley
- Penny Johnson - Beverly
- Janeane Garofalo - Paula
- Mary Lynn Rajskub - Mary Lou
- Jeremy Piven - Jerry
- Wallace Langham - Phil
- Linda Doucett - Darlene
- Scott Thompson - Brian
- Megan Gallagher - Jeannie
- Kathryn Harrold - Francine
- Deborah May - Melanie Parrish
- Joshua Malina - Kenny Mitchell
- Bob Odenkirk - Stevie Grant
- Sarah Silverman - Wendy