The Hogan Family

television series

The Hogan Family was a television sitcom that ran on the American NBC network from 1985 until 1990, and the Columbia CBS network from 1990 until 1991. It was originally called Valerie for the first two seasons, about Valerie Hogan, a married woman working hard to raise her three sons while her husband Michael was seldom around due to his demanding job flying around the world as a commerical pilot. In 1988, the show was renamed Valerie's Family, the reason being is that a car crash ended Valerie's life and Michael's sister Sandy moved in after a messy divorce to help her brother and nephews. In 1989, the show was once again renamed The Hogan Family, and stayed so until its retirement in 1991.

Season 1Edit

Old Enough [1.1]Edit

Valerie: Good morning.
Bob: Good morning.
Valerie: Excuse me, this is my kitchen, and you're in it, and I don't know who you are.
Bob: Bob from Mercury Appliance, and I'm here to fix the noise in your freezer. The back door was open, so I came in. I make coffee, hope you don't mind.
Valerie: I'm just glad you're not here to rob me!
Bob: Well, you haven't came to see my bill yet!
Valerie: Uh, do you mind?
Bob: No, help yourself, the mugs are right up there!
Valerie: Yeah, I knew that!
Bob: Well, it wasn't easy, but I fixed the noise for you.
Valerie: That's right!
Bob: But now the freezer won't work!
David: Hi, dad!
Mark: Hi, dad!
Willie: Good morning, father!
Valerie: Do you want some coffee before your flight honey?
Michael (as Michael Hogan): Uh, no honey just keep me awake!

Season 2 (1986-1987)Edit

One of a Kind [2.7]Edit

Valerie: Hey, hey, how about some help?
David: Uh, no thanks mom, it's important I do my schoolwork.
Valerie: What are you working on?
David: It's my, uh, term paper on fraternal twins. My theory is that they share nothing in common except for birthdays.
Valerie: Well, my theory is you should wrap it up quickly and give me a hand.
David: Uh, OK, OK.

Season 3 (1987-1988)Edit

Take My Wife, Please [3.4]Edit

Sandy: OK! David, let's go!
David: Go where?
Sandy: Did you forget, you said you we're gonna brush up on my tennis game this afternoon!
David: Yeah, but Fred and Barney are sneaking out the door of Rot-Mobile!
Sandy: OK! Dave, I've have seen this! The Rot-Mobile breaks down and they get caught!

You've Got to Believe [3.5]Edit

Willie: Ew, gross! Sandy, David just tongued our muffins!
David: Hey just thinking it as a glaze!

Nightmare on Oak Street [3.9]Edit

Mark: Ick!
Willie: Yeah! Ick!
Sandy: Well, I, I thought that guy was dead!
David: He was!

Willie's nightmare
Willie: I had a nightmare about that film.
David: Will you cut it out. That was a movie. There are no such things as zombies. We are in the real world. See, pass me the box of cereal.
Willie passes box of cereal to David, which obscures his head
David{zombified}: Now pass me the milk! Urrr...ohhh!
Zombie David proceeds to slowly attack Willie
David: AUGH! David is a zombie! Sandy, help, someone!
Sandy has been reading the newspaper. She puts it down, revealing she has also zombified and joins the zombie David in attacking Mark
Willie: OH NO! Sandy and David are zombies! Dad! Help!
Michael{from bathroom}: Just tying my tie! Don't worry son, I will save you!
Bathroom door opens, showing Michael in his pilot's uniform has zombified as well. Three zombies tackle David, then licking their lips ready to eat his flesh. Horror is enough to shock Willie awake.

Mark's nightmare
Willie: I had a nightmare about that film.
Mark: Not me, I realize that was all a fantasy element. I think I will review my ecology notes before the big test today.
David: I kept my window shut.
Willie: So did I. You cannot be too careful.
Sandy: What would you like for breakfast, Mark.
Sandy: Yes, this is a bowl. Do you want anything in it?
Mark: C...C...Corn...
David: You want corn for breakfast? That is so brainless!
Willie: Wait, do you mean corn flakes?
Mark: Um..uh...yeah!
Willie: Oh no, Mark, did you leave your window open? You know zombies come in and eat your brain!
David lifts up the rear of Mark's head
David: Clean as a whistle!
Mark: No!!
Sandy: Guess we will just have to pull him out of school. I will start on the note.
Sandy{composing letter}: To the education authorities. Mark is unfit for school now that a zombie ate his brain.
Mark: No!
David and Willie{singing in unison}: If he only had a brain, if he only had a brain!
Mark: AUGH!!

[David's nightmare, but loosely so]
Sandy: Well David, I must hand it to you. You have been awarded the Medal of Honor for culling the zombie outbreak and allowing society to function again. If only the world's population had not gone down so much. I got you a date with a woman I know.
David: Thanks Sandy, who?
[Doorbell rings. David answers it to be greeted by a British supermodel, a shapely brunette named Regina]
Regina: Hello David. When I was told of having a date with the hero of the Zombie Wars, I had to say yes. I suggest we see Bruce for our date.
David: Bruce who?
Regina: Bruce Springsteen, silly goose! How many Bruces are left in the world? After that we can talk about marriage and our plans to do our part to repopulate Earth. Hmm, Regina Hogan, I like the sound of that!
David: OK, I will be back by 10. Good night Sandy.
Sandy: Have a good night David.
Alarm clock goes off. David is awakened and is shocked at not finishing his dream because he was awakened at the best part
David: AUGH!

Season 4 (1988-1989)Edit

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow [4.2]Edit

Rich: Hey Dave, did you tell them what today is?
David: Come on Rich, don't!
Rich: Hey Dave, they are your brothers! Today is Sneaker-Shoe Day.
Mark: What is that?
Rich: That is when all the cool kids where a sneaker on one foot and a shoe on the other foot. Burt is the only one I know who missed out on a Sneaker-Shoe Day.
Burt is reading funny pages
Burt{guffawing loudly}: HAW HAW HAW!
Dave: Come on guys, we have to get going.
Burt, Dave and Rich depart Hogan residence. Mark and Willie hastily put on a mismatched sneaker and shoe then depart for school
Afternoon. Mark and Willie come in mortified. They are met by Dave
Willie{enraged}: We were the butt of jokes all day. You tricked us!
Dave: Did I? Remember, tommorow is Wear Your Underwear on the Outside Day!
Dave leaves room laughing uproariously

Tobacco Road [4.5]Edit

After catching Sandy smoking, Mark and Willie institute an intrusive inspection
Mark: Medicine cabinet?
Willie: Clear! Sink drawers?
Mark: No cigarettes found. OK, bathroom is all set.
Sandy: How about buy me some diapers?
Mark and Willie depart bathroom
Sandy{talking to herself}: You think you are so smart?
Sandy removes spindle from toilet paper and exposes hidden cigarette. She starts smoking, but then sees herself in the mirror
Living room
Sandy: OK boys, Operation Watchdog has got to stop. I was able to sneak a smoke past you.
Mark: What??
Sandy: Hear me out. I did not like myself. I saw a yellow-haired maniac in the mirror. So from now on, I will resolve this. I, Sandy Hogan, can smoke if I so please, and you boys can smoke upon reaching the legal age in this state. What we will all face is what all adults face, the consequences of our actions, for ill or for good.

Season 5 (1989-1990)Edit

License to Drive [5.7]Edit

Mr. Erdman: Take a right turn.
Mark: I am signaling at 100 feet from the stop sign, for this is a residential area. If this was a nonresidential area I would signal at 200 feet.
Mr. Erdman sighs as the needless recitation
Mr. Erdman: Well, are you going to turn?
Mark: One must use judgement in four-way intersections. Do you think we can make it, sir?
Camera pans out to show that the car is in an empty intersection
Mr. Erdman: Wagon trains could make it.

DMV. Mark comes in traumatized
Sandy: Mark, what happened?
Mark: Killed wood....killed wood.
David: You killed wood! Hello doofus, you cannot murder a nonliving thing!
Mark: Killed...a woodchuck.
David: You are in shock over killing a woodchuck? They are dumb enough to be on the road, they are fated for us to run them over, get over it!
Mark: I caused an accident from it.
Sandy: Dave, will you stop being so callous? OK, Mark had a traumatic experience, but let us be thaknful no one was hurt.
Mark: Uh, Sandy...
Paramedic brings in Mr. Erdman on a gurney
Sandy: Oh no. Does this mean Mark does not get his driver's license?
Mr. Erdman: If I had my way, I would revoke his library card!

After unlicensed Mark gets a woman in labor to the hospital, he is met by Sandy
Mark: I know it was wrong to drive without a license.
Sandy: That is not important. What is important is that you showed levelheadedness and a regard for auto safety in this situation.
Mark: Thanks.
Sandy: I recommend you go to the DMV. I will drive you there.
Mark: Why there?
Sandy: So you can pass the test and get your license...before Mr. Erdman is released from the hospital!
Mark: I'm with you!

Stan and Deliver [5.11]Edit

Mrs. Poole: Oh, Hi Hogans!
Sandy: Hi!
David: Hi, Mrs. Poole!

External linksEdit

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