The Devil and Max Devlin
1981 film by Steven Hilliard Stern
- Barney Satin: Want a light?
- Max Devlin: Oh my God!
- Barney Satin: I wish you wouldn't say that.
- Max Devlin: I'm sorry!
- Barney Satin: I know.
- Max Devlin: What happens to the kids after I get them to sign?
- Barney Satin: Nothing. We don't get them until the natural ends of their lives.
- Barney Satin: You're one of us now. Inhabitants of hell don't cast reflections.
- Mr. Billings: Hey, Max! My air conditioner is on the fritz and it's hotter than Hell up here!
- Barney Satin: [to Max] Ha! He doesn't know how hot Hell is.
- Barney Satin: What about my contracts?
- Max Devlin: So, this is what that stunt back there was all about?
- Barney Satin: Yes. My associates on the counsel are getting a little itchy. Why has not one subject signed their souls yet?
- Max Devlin: I don't care! I got until midnight on May 15. That's our deal. Look, I'm trying to get these people so hooked on me that they'll sign anything, but it takes time. If I go too fast, I'm libel to blow the whole deal!
- Barney Satin: I like your style, Max. You're a devious fellow.
- Max Devlin: You want me to corrupt the souls of little kids? I've never been too fond of kids. I hate kids. Then again, tricking three innocent kids into signing their souls to you is not a nice thing.
- Barney Satin: Neither is Level 4.
- Max Devlin: Where do I sign?
[Barney materializes to Max in the car's passenger seat while Max is driving]
- Barney Satin: Mind if I join you?
- Max Devlin: What are you doing here?
- Barney Satin: I've never been to the Grammys.
- Max Devlin: Be my guest.
- Barney Satin: Goodie for me and goodie for you too. Congratulations on your engagement. When's the happy day?
- Max Devlin: This Saturday, sandwiched between the first and second motos and after that, Stella's concert at the music center. I'll get her signature on her contract tonight, then Nerve's at his champion race on Thursday, and finally Toby's after the wedding.
- Barney Satin: It's gonna be real busy for you these next few days. Your wedding is this Saturday... May 15th. You're cutting it real close, aren't you?
- Max Devlin: I had no choice in the matter. It was Penny's decision to have the wedding on that day.
- Barney Satin: Well, at least you will still save yourself.
- Max Devlin: Yeah.
- Barney Satin: What's the matter? You don't sound too happy about it.
- Max Devlin: Nobody said I had to enjoy this.
- Barney Satin: Beats Level 4.
[Max sees that "Agent Hargraves" is the old blind woman who killed him after he refused to help her cross a street]
- Max Devlin: What the...? That's entrapment! It's not fair!
- Barney Satin: Fair? Are you forgetting where you are?
- Barney Satin: You got some kind of death wish, Max?
- Max Devlin: No, but you do! You're lucky you're dead or so help me you will be a dead man!
- Barney Satin: Watch it. You're getting angry, Max.
- Max Devlin: You're damn right I'm angry! Don't you ever pull a stunt like that on me again!
- Barney Satin: I was just trying to get your attention.
- Max Devlin: Yeah? Well, next time try tapping on the shoulder.
- Max Devlin: [referring to Toby's sudden hostility] I have to put up with that kid? I don't think I'll be able to handle him now that I'm married to his mom.
- Barney Satin: Yeah? Well, don't worry. I'll put in a call to Agent Hargraves and she will deal with him tonight.
- Max Devlin: But I got all their signatures on their contracts and I'm free. Am I?
- Barney Satin: Yes. Technically yes, you are free. But by midnight tonight, Toby and the other two souls will belong to me.
- Max Devlin: Not until the natural end of their lives. That's what you said when you first instructed me how to carry out this scheme.
- Barney Satin: Point of fact: I lied. I need them now. They will take your place at midnight as your replacements.
- Max Devlin: Oh, no! Barney, I never would have agreed to this had I known. Toby's a good kid. If you kill him, you'll kill her! Penny will not have the will to live if Toby dies.
- Barney Satin: Unfortunately, her soul does not belong to me. Nor it ever will. But then again, you now have your precious life. At least to live out until the natural end of your life before you come back to me... and Hell.