The Death of Stalin

2017 British-French political satire film by Armando Iannucci

The Death of Stalin is a 2017 black comedy film depicting the chaotic aftermath of Joseph Stalin's death in 1953, after thirty years of absolute power over the Soviet Union.

Directed by Armando Ianucci. Written by Ianucci, David Schneider, Ian Martin and Peter Fellows. Based on the graphic novel La Mort de Staline by Fabien Nury.
A Comedy of Terrors. taglines

Lavrentiy BeriaEdit

  • [handing out execution orders] Shoot her before him, but make sure he sees it... oh, and this one, kill him, take him to his church and dump him in the pulpit... The rest I leave up to you.
  • It smells like a Baku piss house in here.
  • [standing over Stalin's unconscious body] Have a long sleep, old man. I'll take it from here.
  • It's lucky we both now live in the new Soviet Union or you and your wife and your family would be a pile of dust on the floor of a crematorium toilet.
  • Don't hurt me! Please don't shoot me!

Lazar KaganovichEdit

  • Out of my way, you fannies!
  • [to Khruschev, jogging through the woods] How can you run and plot at the same time?
  • I've had nightmares that made more sense than this.
  • [seeing the Orthodox bishops at Stalin's funeral] I thought we'd banned those freaks.

Nikita KhrushchevEdit

  • We were talking about Stalingrad, how cold it was, and we would do anything, anything, to warm ourselves up. We would throw live grenades to each other. Pull the pin, throw it to the prisoners. They'd be jumping around like drunken whores.
  • When you go home, make sure your wife writes down everything you think you said tonight. Alright? This way, in the morning you know what you're dealing with. It's Krushchev's law.
  • [sobbing over Stalin's body] He's on the floor! He's on the fucking floor!
  • If he recovers, then we got a good doctor. If he doesn't recover, then we didn't. But, he won't know.
  • I'm the peacemaker and I’ll fuck over anyone who gets in my way.
  • You are charged with treason and anti-Soviet behavior. The court finds you guilty and sentences you to be shot.
  • [to Beria's burning corpse] I will bury you in history! You hear me, you fat fucker? You smell like rendered horse, you burning asshole...

Georgy MalenkovEdit

  • Could you do me a favor and nod as I'm speaking to you? People are looking to me for reassurance and I have no idea what's going on.

Vyacheslav MolotovEdit

  • I've always been loyal to Stalin, always. This arrests were authorized by Stalin but Stalin was also loyal to the collective leadership and that is true loyalty. However, he also had an iron will, undeviating, strong, could we not do the same and stick to what we believed in? No. It is stronger still to forge our own beliefs within the beliefs of the collective leadership, which I have now... done.
  • [to his dog] Uncle Nicky's going to be dead if he doesn't get a move on, isn't he? Yes, he is!

Joseph StalinEdit

  • Time for a cowboy movie. Who's in my posse?

Svetlana StalinEdit

  • My father's going to die. I'm going to have you to look after me. I mean, I may as well just shoot myself like Mother.

Vasily StalinEdit

  • I hate being sober. It's a terrible, terrible mood to be in.
  • [drunk] Foreigners, a vile crime has been perpetrated! Hairy monsters in coats have scooped out my father's brain and sent it to America! And these traitors, sucking the cocks and balls - sucking the cocks and balls - of Zionist... New York... New York Zionist queers in petticoats. Look at them. You see? Those brain thieves!

Georgy ZhukovEdit

  • Right, what's a war hero got to do to get some lubrication around here?
  • Tell me something. Why has the Army been replaced by the NKVD all over Moscow? I mean, I'm smiling, but I am very fucking furious.
  • A modern soldier's greatest fear? It's not death, it's not starvation, it's chafing!
  • Hands up or I'll shoot you in the fucking face.
  • Go and kill them, will you?
  • [after Beria is shot] Well, that's got it done. Come on, everyone have a look. Everybody happy? Proper dead? [to Beria's corpse] Fuck off back to Georgia, dead boy!

OthersEdit

  • Andreyev: Don't worry, nobody's gonna get killed, I promise you. This is just a musical emergency!

DialogueEdit

Maria Veniaminovna Yudina: [in a note] Josef Vissarionovich Stalin, you have betrayed our nation and destroyed its people. I pray for your end and ask the Lord to forgive you. Tyrant.
[Stalin bursts out laughing, then feels his stroke coming on.]
Joseph Stalin: Fuck... fuck!
[Outside the door, the guards hear a thud.]
Soldier: Should we investigate...?
Sargeant: Should you shut the fuck up before you get us both killed?

NKVD Officer Kobulov: Some women will do anything to get their husbands released.
Lavrentiy Beria: Yep, and she did everything. I thank the Union for bringing me so many devoted wives who fuck like sewing machines.

Georgy Malenkov: He's irreplaceable. How can we possibly...? I - we - must think of the people. As Acting General Secretary I must step up. I must, I must take his place while he's... on the floor.
Lavrentiy Beria: You just said he's irreplaceable.
Georgy Malenkov: Irreplaceable... "take his place", as in assembling the Central Committee, of course.
Lavrentiy Beria: Good. I was testing you. Get used to that sort of challenge.

Nikita Khrushchev: Which doctor have you called?
Georgy Malenkov: Oh, well...
Lavrentiy Beria: The subject's currently under discussion.
Georgy Malenkov: As acting General Secretary, I think that, well, the Committee should decide.
Nikita Khrushchev: The Committee? But our actual General Secretary is lying in a puddle of indignity! I think he's saying, "get me a doctor now!"
Georgy Malenkov: No, I-I don't agree. I think we should wait until we're quorate.
Nikita Khrushchev: Quorate? The room is only 75% conscious!

[after Kaganovich, Mikoyan and Bulganin arrive]
Nikita Khrushchev: Comrades, now that we're quorate, I propose we call a doctor.
Lazar Kaganovich: All the best doctors are in the Gulag or dead.

[watching the Air Force's hockey team at practice]
Vasily Stalin: When we play Hungary, are we allowed to use guns?
Ice Hockey Coach: Comrade General, these are the best I could find since the plane crash.
Vasily Stalin: What plane crash? There was never a plane crash. [to Tarasov] Was there a plane crash? [Tarasov shakes his head.] Soviet planes do not crash, and Stalin's son does not fuck up.

Lazar Kaganovich: Who organized the Wurlitzer?
Dr. Lukomsky: It's a respirator.
Lazar Kaganovich: Did you use it?
Dr. Lukomsky: No... it's American.
Khrushchev/Kaganovich: It's what?
2nd Doctor: [points to Lukomsky] It's from his hospital...
Dr. Lukomsky: [points to 2nd Doctor] It was his idea...
Nikita Khrushchev: All right, let's just pretend these last six sentences never happened.

[Vasily bursts into Stalin's impromptu autopsy]
Vasily Stalin: [points to one of the doctors] How old are you?
Doctor: I'm... old.
Vasily Stalin: You're not old! [points to another] You're not even a person, you're a testicle! [to a third] You're made mostly of hair!

Svetlana Stalin: Vasily, remember what Papa said!
Vasily Stalin: Yes, but they have a machine, and they're filling his brain with American lies!
Svetlana Stalin: [whispering] "Wade gently through the river because there are snakes and crocodiles."

Nikita Khrushchev: It's okay, Vasily, everything's gonna be fine.
Svetlana Stalin: It's not exactly fine, is it? It's not fine.
Nikita Khrushchev: No... well, no, not exactly fine.
Svetlana Stalin: My father's lying there with his head open.
Nikita Khrushchev: Yes, your father's dead, your brother's shooting a gun, it's not fine, you're right.

Georgy Zhukov: Aslanov, you handsome devil! Stick you in a frock, I'd fucking ride you raw myself.
NKVD Officer Aslanov: [forcing a smile] I will take that as a compliment.
Georgy Zhukov: Yeah, don't.

Georgy Zhukov: Jesus Christ, did Coco Chanel take a shit on your head?
Georgy Malenkov: No, he did not.

Vasily Stalin: I want to make a speech at my father's funeral.
Nikita Khrushchev: And I want to fuck Grace Kelly.

Man at Funeral Reception: Comrades...
Georgy Zhukov: Fuck off, or I'll punch you into a sticky pulp.
Nikita Khrushchev: [politely] Thank you.

Nikita Khrushchev: I really need your help.
Georgy Zhukov: To do what? There's bodies fucking piling up in the street, it's a bit late, isn't it?
Nikita Khrushchev: What if we blame this on someone...
Georgy Zhukov: Wait...
Nikita Khrushchev: Who's out of control?
Georgy Zhukov: Nicky, be very careful what you say next. Who?
Nikita Khrushchev: Beria.
Georgy Zhukov: I'm going to have to report this conversation. Threatening to do harm or obstruct any member of the Presidium in the process of... [grins] Look at your fucking face!
[He laughs and kisses Khruschev full on the lips.]
Georgy Zhukov: Nikita Khrushchev, you've balls like Kremlin domes!
Nikita Khrushchev: Stop it, be serious! Are you in?
Georgy Zhukov: I'm in, I'm in. That fucker thinks he can take on the Red Army? I fucked Germany, I think I can take a flesh lump in a fucking waistcoat.

Georgy Zhukov: Now, it's got to be tomorrow.
Nikita Khrushchev: Tomorrow?
Georgy Zhukov: Sorry, you busy washing your hair or what?
Nikita Khrushchev: Tomorrow's the funeral.
Georgy Zhukov: Yeah, the day that the entire fucking Army's in town with their guns.
Nikita Khrushchev: That's perfect!

Lavrentiy Beria: All of you, all of you, I have documents on all of you!
[later, after Beria storms out]
Georgy Malenkov: All right, so we'll fix this in committee, right?
Nikita Khrushchev: He's using you, Georgy! He's using you, and then he's going to kill you! You saw those papers.
Georgy Malenkov: What are you talking about? Jesus, Nicky, he was pointing at you, he wasn't pointing at me.
Nikita Khrushchev: No, no, he said, [twirls his finger] "all of you."
Georgy Malenkov: No, no, I was over there, and he went, [twirls his finger] "all of you".
Nikita Khrushchev: Yeah, [twirls his finger] "all of you."
Georgy Malenkov: No, no, [twirls his finger] "all of you."
Lazar Kaganovich: No, he said, [twirls his finger] "all of you."
Georgy Malenkov: You know, [twirls his finger] all of you... [bends over and points] ...can kiss my Russian ass! All of you!

Maria Veniaminovna Yudina: But I'm confident of everlasting life.
Nikita Khrushchev: Who the fuck in their right mind would want everlasting life? The endless conversation.

Lavrentiy Beria: You know what I'm doing? I'm offering you and that bloated soak my protection.
Svetlana Stalin: We are not children!
[Tarasov emerges from Vasily's room, looking grim.]
Vasily Stalin: [from inside] You are a real listener, thank you...!
Svetlana Stalin: ...I am not a child.

Georgy Zhukov: [opens his overcoat to reveal two AK-47s] All right, boys, meet your dates for tonight.
Leonid Brezhnev: I'll take the tall blonde.

Georgy Zhukov: Want a job done properly, you call the army. Take his belt off. It's hard to run away with your pants falling down.
Nikita Khrushchev: [to Malenkov] If you want to talk to General Zhukov, now's your opportunity.
Georgy Zhukov: Spit it out, Georgy. Staging a coup here.
Georgy Malenkov: ...He's got a knife by his ankle.
Lavrentiy Beria: You're a disgrace!
Lazar Kaganovich: Give his head a good kicking. Make you feel better.
Vyacheslav Molotov: All in good time.
Lavrentiy Beria: Oh, I'm gonna enjoy peeling the skin from your self-satisfied face.
Georgy Zhukov: [holds up the little knife] Not with that, you won't.

Lavrentiy Beria: [handcuffed to a pipe in a men's restroom] Is this magisterial enough for you all? This charade? This is a lavatory!
Anastas Mikoyan: Well, you should feel at home then, shouldn't you, you little coil of shit?
Georgy Zhukov: [looking at Malenkov's portrait on the wall] Fuck me, Georgy's eyes really do follow you around the crapper. It's weird.
Lazar Kaganovich: Why'd they hang a picture of my grandmother in here? [laughs]

Nikolai Bulganin: How long until the Army gets here? We're in limbo!
Nikita Khrushchev: Soon, relax. We have to wait for the NKVD to leave the Kremlin.
Vyacheslav Molotov: [ducking into a bathroom stall] In that case, if nobody objects, I'm going to spend a kopeck. It's the excitement, I think...

Georgy Malenkov: [re: Beria] He deserves a trial, he's one of us!
Nikita Khrushchev: What about Tukhachevsky and Pyatakov? Did they get a trial? What about Sokolnikov, who begged him to look after his elderly mother? And what did this monster do? He strangled her in front of him! It's too late. The only choice we have is between his death or his revenge. And you will fucking sign this.
Georgy Malenkov: [reluctantly signs] I want it to go on record, this was not my first course of action.

[at Beria's "trial"]
Nikita Khrushchev: You are accused of using your position as Minister of the Interior to plot against the Soviet Union...
Zhukov's Chief of Staff: Traitor!
Nikita Khrushchev: ...with the goal of forwarding the interests of foreign powers...
Lavrentiy Beria: Foreign powers? From where, the fucking moon?
Nikita Khrushchev: You are also accused of three hundred and forty-seven counts of rape, of sexual deviancy and bourgeois immorality, and acts of perversion with children as young as seven years old!

Nikita Khrushchev: I'm worried about Malenkov, though. Can we trust him?
Lazar Kaganovich: Can you ever trust a weak man?

CastEdit

Related pagesEdit

External linksEdit

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