The Dangerous Brothers

The Dangerous Brothers was a stage and TV act by comedy duo Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson, performing respectively as "Richard Dangerous" and "Sir Adrian Dangerous".


Sir Adrian: Dynamite down the pants, explodo!

Richard Dangerous: Unusually dangerous, I trust you'll agree.

[While riding a bike.]
Sir Adrian: I have got no brakes! I have got no brakes! I have got no brakes!
Richard Dangerous: Are you alright, Sir Adrian?
Sir Adrian: No!

Richard Dangerous: You mess this up and I'll kill your budgie.
Sir Adrian: You kill my budgie and I'll pull your head off!
Richard Dangerous: You pull my head off and I'll go to the newspapers about your strange problem.
Sir Adrian: You won't be able to find the newspapers, will you? Coz you won't have a head!
Richard Dangerous: Well, I shouldn't think you'd be good at pulling people's heads off in the first place if you've just hurled yourself off this strange and interesting office building.
Sir Adrian: Well, I might pay someone to do it! Mightn't I?
Richard Dangerous: With what?! I look after the money... have you been stealing money off me?
Sir Adrian: No... no. Well, only a bit. And I've hardly killed anyone! I wouldn't have to pay a hit man to kill you coz I could grant him sexual favours.
Richard Dangerous: (laughs) Sexual favours, like what? Strawberry? Lime and grapefruit?
Sir Adrian: No, no, that's sexual flavours. I meant favours. I could come up and say; "hello, Mr. hit man. If you pull off the head of Richard Dangerous, I will promise never ever, ever to get in your bed and do squidgy things with you."
Richard Dangerous: Alright then. I won't kill your budgie.
Sir Adrian: Ok. I won't pull off your head.

Richard Dangerous: So you wanna play dirty, do you?
Sir Adrian: Yes, I do! But I think we better finish the show first.

Sir Adrian: Wait, wait. Nobody, but nobody slaps Sir Adrian about the face.
Richard Dangerous: Oh, yeah?!
Sir Adrian: Oh, yeah!
Richard Dangerous: Alright, then. Get this!
[Twists the crotch of his trousers.]
Sir Adrian: But a lot of people scrunch me in the doobles.

Sir Adrian: Naughty!
Richard Dangerous: Naughty, but nice!

[Richard kicks Sir Adrian in the crotch and a metal clanging sound is heard.]
Richard Dangerous: What have you got down there?!
Sir Adrian: My testicles.

Richard Dangerous: This week ladies and gentlemen, this week it's Crocodile Snogging!
Sir Adrian: HA! HA! HA! HA! Crocodile Snogging! (To Richard) We haven't got a crocodile.
Richard Dangerous: Ah ha! Crocodile Snogging! (To Sir Adrian) You're gonna have to disguise yourself as a crocodile and I'll snog with you.
Sir Adrian: Ha! Ha! Ha!... Oh, don't try that one again.
Richard Dangerous: Look, there are a lot of people out there who paid a lot of money to see a lot of crocodile snogging. Now will you please just grow up! Disguise yourself as a crocodile and make it snappy!

Richard Dangerous: Good evening. Well, we've all got one thing in common, haven't we? It's Saturday night. But not only that it's also Wednesday night!... Sorry, I dunno why I said that.
Sir Adrian: Coz you're stupid, that's why.

[Talking about torture.]
Richard Dangerous: Does it really hurt?
Sir Adrian: Yes, it bloody does!

Richard Dangerous: And now a much more fashionable and much more effective torture these days, ladies and gentlemen is of course torture by electricity...
[Sir Adrian kicks Richard in the crotch and he falls to the ground.]
Sir Adrian: That was a surprise kick in the goolies!

Clive: Oh, that was fantastic and now I'm pregnant.
Sir Adrian: What d'ya mean?! I haven't even touched you yet!
Clive: Yeah, well you try telling that to the judge in court you... stu... you... what's the rudest thing I can say on television?
Sir Adrian & Richard Dangerous: Bloody... big job.
Clive: Yeah, well you try telling that to the judge in court you bloody farty big jobs!
[Police sirens are heard and a policeman runs on set.]
Policeman: Alright! Who said "bloody farty big jobs"?
Sir Adrian & Richard Dangerous: You did!
Policeman: Did I? Right then, I'm nicked.

Richard Dangerous: That's what the punters want, isn't it? More sex and more violence!
[Audience cheers.]
Richard Dangerous: See? Fifteen primary school children can't be wrong!

Stephen Fry: You've ruined an extremely funny flower arranging set. You've been banned because you're too sexy and too violent, and if you don't get out we'll arrange you!
Sir Adrian: I'll bloody rearrange you in a moment, matey!

Sir Adrian & Richard Dangerous: Blahdey, blahdey, blah! Thatcher's Britain. Whoops! A bit of politics there! My name's Ben Elton, goodnight!

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