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The Curse of the Jade Scorpion

2001 film by Woody Allen

The Curse of the Jade Scorpion is a 2001 film about an insurance investigator and an efficency expert who are both hypnotized by a crooked hypnotist with a jade scorpion into stealing jewels.

Directed and written by Woody Allen.
LOVE STINGS.

THE END.

C. W. Briggs

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  • I hate her just like I hate that German chancellor with the mustache.
  • My clergyman - who happens to be wanted for pederasty - will vouch for me.
  • It's a match made in heaven... by a retarded angel.
  • A lot of women have passed through this apartment. I can't say they were all winners, but...
  • The New York City Police want to give me a lifetime achievement award.

Betty Ann Fitzgerald

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  • You don't have a kosher bone in your body.
  • You hate any woman that doesn't have a double digit IQ.

Jill

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  • Gosh, all this passion in a lousy insurance office!

Dialogue

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Al: [Watching Jill walk away] My God, that girl's got a body that won't quit!
C.W.: Quit? It won't take five minutes off for a coffee break.
C. W.: They say I always get my man.
Laura: Me, too.
C.W.: There's a deck of cards with naked women on it.
Laura: Let me guess, you use it to play solitaire.
C.W.: I used to date the six of spades.
Betty Ann: So what, you always get your kicks fondling women's shoes?
C.W.: Once in a while I'll fondle a whole woman.
Betty Ann: You're searching my desk!
C. W.: I wasn't searching. I was rummaging.
Betty Ann: You misunderstand me. I dreamed you and I finally wound up together.
Chris: That's funny because I didn't hear any screaming.
Laura: I'll slip into something a little bit more comfortable. Wait for me in bed.
C.W.: More comfortable than that? What are you gonna put on, Jergens lotion?
Chris: You know, there's a word for people who think everyone is conspiring against them.
C. W.: I know, perceptive.
Betty Ann: You wormy little ferret!
C. W.: Now, you're mixing metaphors.

Cast

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