The Cat in the Hat (film)
- Directed by Bo Welch. Written by Alec Berg, David Mandel, and Jeff Schaffer, loosely based on the 1957 book of the same name by Dr. Seuss.
- [about The Fish] Come on, kids! Are you going to listen to him? He drinks where he pees!
- This cat should not be here, he should not be about! He should not be here when your mother is out!
- Sally: Who are you?!
- Cat: Who, me? Why, I'm The Cat in the Hat, there's no doubt about that. I'm a super fundiferous feline, who's here to make sure that you're..."meline"..."key lime"..."turpentine". I got nothing! I'm not so good with the rhyming, not really, no. Look, I'm a cat that can talk that should be enough for you people!
- Sally: Where did you come from?
- Cat: Hmm, How do I put this... When a mommy cat and a daddy cat love each other very much, they decide that...
- Conrad: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Where did you come from?
- Cat: My place, what do you think?
- Cat: [looking at a photo] Humina, humina, humina! Who is this?
- Conrad: That's my mom.
- Cat: Awkward.
- Fish: Stop this right now!
- Conrad: Who said that?
- Fish: Me! Remember, the fish? Came home in a baggy, loved me for two weeks, and then nothing.
- Sally: The fish is talking.
- Cat: Well, sure, he can talk. But is he saying anything? No, not really.
- Thing Two: Don't belittle me.
- Cat: Ah, yes of course. Thing 2 would like to clarify that just because he wears the number 2 does not imply in any way that he's inferior to Thing 1.
- Thing Two: And all of the above.
- Cat: He says you may feel free to call him Thing A if you like. He will also accept Super Thing, Thing King, Kid Dynamite, Chocolate Thun-da or Ben.
- Thing Two: [chuckles] "Ben".
- [Thing 1 jabbers incoherently]
- Cat: Thing 1 says he's Thing 1 for a reason and some people should just get used to it. It's a Thing thing, you wouldn't understand.
- Cat: [closes the crate after Conrad opened it] Listen, Condax, you probably don't wanna do that.
- Conrad: Why not? It's just a crate.
- Cat: This isn't just any old crate. It's the Transdimensional Transporterlator. It's kinda like a doorway which leads from this world to my world.
- Conrad: But it says there "Made in the Philippines".
- Cat: Yes, but not this Philippines.
- [Conrad and Sally notice the Cat's car]
- Conrad: Wow! That's very cool!
- Cat: That's just the dust cover. [removes cover, exposing an unusual car] Here she is! The Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Whatchamajigger! Or S-L-O-W for short.
- Sally: S-L-O-W?
- Cat: Yeah, SLOW. It's better than the last name we had: Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter.
- Conrad: Oh! You mean-
- Cat: Oh! Quick to the SLOW!
- Fish: Someone else should drive!
- Cat: All right. You win. Concrete, you drive.
- [gives Conrad the wheel]
- Conrad: Are you serious?
- Cat: I don't know. A little voice inside of me is saying, "This is a bad idea." But I can barely hear that little voice, because an even louder little voice is screaming, "Let the 12-year-old drive!" Now punch it.
- Conrad: This is awesome!
- Sally: I want to drive.
- Cat: I think that's a great idea.
- [gives Sally another wheel]
- Conrad: Wait, two people can't drive at the same time.
- Cat: You're right. We should all drive.
- [gets his own wheel]
- Sally: Like being in the Circus!
- Cat: Yeah, but without those tortured animals or drunken clowns that have hepatitis.
- The ultimate game of cat and house.
- Don't mess with the hat.
- The Cat is Back!