The Brothers McMullen
- Written and directed by Edward Burns.
- What am I going to do with my life? You know I didn't think college was actually going to end.
- I don't need any new ideas. I'm confused enough already.
- Repression is not such a bad thing.
- I like being a pessimist. It helps me deal with my inevitable failure.
- [holds up a banana] Man is like a banana. Strong and firm, bright and phallic, and he's protected by his all-important shield. But, when a woman comes along, you know, she sees this bright phallic beast and she wants it. So, she starts peeling away your all-important shield. [peels the banana] First, she wants to see your romantic side, then she wants to see your passionate side, finally she wants to see your soft, caring, feminine side. She keeps peeling and peeling until your left there buck naked, totally exposed with your balls blowing in the wind. And that's when she gets her knife, and she cuts away your manhood piece by piece until she's having your cock in her corn flakes.
- Jack McMullen: I am a progressively modern, politically correct housewife.
- Patrick: So what'd ya' give up for Lent?
- Barry: I gave up resolutions this year.
- Patrick: Convenient!
- Patrick: I thought you didn't eat meat.
- Leslie: Only on Fridays.
- Patrick: She wants me back
- Jack: What about the baby?
- Patrick: She had a miscarriage
- Jack: Jesus, talk about the luck of the Irish.
- Jack is trying to save his marriage, Patrick is in a hopeless relationship, but their biggest problem is Barry's brotherly advice.