The Boondocks (season 3)

season of television series

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The Boondocks (2005-2014) was an American adult animated sitcom on Adult Swim. The perspective offered by this mixture of cultures, lifestyles, social classes, stereotypes, viewpoints and racial(ized) identities provides for much of the series' satire, comedy, and conflict.

It's a Black President, Huey Freeman [3.1]Edit

(Talking to Weggie Rudlin after his failed attempt at committing suicide)
Uncle Ruckus: Oh,what's the point? What's the point in living if there's nothin' to look forward to? but just of life full of rap music and fo'ty ounces? What am I supposed to do now, huh? Be somebody baby daddy? Hang out on the corner all day and night, shootin' dice, cops chasin' me all the time? My body ain't made to handle a stun gun, ain't got but two or three shows I could identify with.
Weggie Rudlin: Ruckus, you make a very compelling argument, but I know that you're gonna get through this.
Uncle Ruckus: Huh, is this what I'm supposed to be readin' now? This? The Vibe, The Source, JET? You call this a magazine? Look at this! This is a pamphlet! Field and Screen, National Review, Soldier of Fortune THOSE are magazines! This is a brochure! Ebony, they should call this National Geographic but the photos are better, and Essence?!! Essence of what? Essence of ugliness!
Weggie Rudlin: Ruckus, we have a saying in B.E.T., we hate black people and I know you share that same sentiment. But I've learned how I could use my blackness against the black race. Look at B.E.T, you think we'd put this shit on the air because it's entertaining? You think we sit down and say "hey, let's be entertaining? how about a Baldwin Hills reality show?". I have good taste, Gregory Hines is entertaining, Sammy Davis Jr. he's entertaining. You think I can relate to anything these young niggas have to say? No! We air this shit because we despise our audience! Are there other ways to make money? Yes, of course. Yes, yes. But they all require more work, this is easy. The only people who suffer, the only people who suffer, Ruckus are black children. I think we both could live with that.
Uncle Ruckus: Weggie Rudlin, you sho' do have profound insights. but I don't know, I just don't think I could stand life as a darkie.

Jeremiah Wright: I say, motherfuck America! Motherfuck America's mother! Motherfuck America's daddy! America can eat a dick! America can lick the balls!

Huey: What about the Ivory Coast?

(Uncle Ruckus is crying on the porch after hearing Obama win the election)
Ruckus: Why Lord?!

Bitches to Rags [3.2]Edit

Sgt. Gudda: (his response to Thugnificent's opinion of him on the radio) Hey, dawg. First off, I wanna say that I'm a huge fan of Thugnificent, I grew up listinin' to Thugnificent. Matter of fact, I'd even go ahead, as far, to say that I love this nigga, no homo. He's one of the real niggas that made me wanna do this shit. (A second of silence; Thugnificent is pretty amazed to hear what Sgt. Guddda said about him so far.) But fuck this old ass nigga, man! (He laughs; Thugnificent's amazement gives way to a "WTF" expression.) This old nigga is old enough to be my dad, and he tellin' me to eat a dick? Nigga, what's wrong wit' you?! You a grown-ass man and you tellin' a fifteen-year-old to eat a dick? I know yo' mother raised you better than that, dawg. Matter of fact- (he dials on the phone) Excuse me, is this Mrs. Jenkins?
"Mrs. Jenkins": (over phone) Yes it is.
Sgt. Gudda: My name is Sgt. Gudda. (Thugnificent is now shocked.) I dunno if you aware, but yo' son said some very rude things about me on the radio.
"Mrs. Jenkins": (over phone) Yes, I know. He said some very rude things and he's too old to be actin' like dat, and I don't like him usin' that language, either. You know, one time I--
Sgt. Gudda: (pressing the hold button on the phone) That was yo' mamma, nigga, yo' mamma. (Thugnificent is now furious over this.) Grow yo' old ass up, nigga! I hope you go broke, you fill me? I hope that IRS is on their way over right now to take yo' shit, nigga.

The Red Ball (3.3)Edit

Ed Wuncler Sr. surveys the new kickball team Huey assembled for the tournament(the team consists of Tom, Granddad, Mrs.Van Housen, Ed Wuncler III, Riley, Cindy MacPhearson, Butch Milosevic and an Asian adult male with a face painting of the Tibetan flag[Jingmei]).

Ed Wuncler Sr.: Who the fuck are you?!
Jingmei: I am Jingmei! I come from Tibet! I wanted to beat the Chinese oppressors in kickball!
Ed Wuncler Sr.: Why?
Jingmei: I hate fucking Chinese!

The Story of Jimmy Rebel (3.4)Edit

Jimmy Rebel: These are autographed copies my albums. Coonsville.
Granddad: [offended] Hey!
Jimmy Rebel: Welfare Queen and Cadillac King, Help Me, I'm Surrounded By Coons, Don't Let Your Niglets Grow Up To Be Niggers, I Almost NAACP'd Myself, Spooks of Hazard, Black Toads and Ghettos, How 'Bout Those Crack Babies, Nigger, Stay Outta My Wife and Niggers Don't Die, They Just Smell Like One.
Granddad: [extremely angry] Aw, fuck this shit! Ok, that's enough! Get that redneck son of a bitch outta my house!
[Granddad kicks Jimmy and Ruckus out of the house]

Stinkmeaner 3: The Hateocracy [3.5]Edit

[Rufus Crabmiser launches the Flying Guillotine at Bushido Brown, which misses by several feet and embeds in a tree branch. Bushido Brown, assuming the weapon is stuck, proceeds to charge Crabmiser, who retracts the Guillotine -- which cleanly beheads Bushido Brown from behind. Bushido Brown's head sails through the sky in slow motion as a fountain of blood gushes from his neck.]
Grandad, Huey, Riley and Brown's Advisors: [groan in disgust]
George Pissedofferson: DY-NO-MIIIIITE!!!
Riley: Man!
Colonel Stinkmeaner (narrating): It's a beautiful day to FUCK SHIT UP! (laughs maniacally)
[Bushido Brown's head plops down on the walkway and rolls to the front steps of the Freeman Residence]
Granddad, Huey, Riley and Brown's Advisors: (in unison) Oh, SHIT!
Granddad: Now what are we gonna do?
Riley: [reducing to tears] Oh, man! We gonna die now! This all yo fault, Grandad!
Huey: Wait! This doesn't have to end this way. Stinkmeaner's death was a huge mistake, but killin' us isn't gonna bring him back.
Granddad: He's right. Look. What happened with Stinkmeaner, it shouldn't have happen. Okay? I admit it. I was embarrassed 'cause I got beat up by an old man. I was ashamed. I could've walked away from it then, but I didn't. I didn't mean to kill him. It just happened. It's my fault, I'm sorry. There, I've said it. I'm sorry. It was wrong and I wish I could take it back, but I can't. So please, please. Can't we just end this?
Rufus Crabmiser: Man, we don't give a fuck 'bout no Stinkmeaner.
Grandad and Huey: What?
Lady Esmeralda: Just because he was our nigga doesn't mean we gave a shit about his ass.
George Pissedofferson: We don't need no reason to fuck shit up! That's why we drink Hennessey. That's why we smoke menthols. That's why we's niggas! We likes to ruin shit.
Rufus Crabmiser: Hell, y'all just gave us an excuse. If it wasn't you, we'd probably just pick someone random and ruin they life.
Grandad: Huh?
Riley: Oh, come on!
Huey: Well, now what?
Rufus Crabmiser: Now you die.
[The police arrive]
Riley: Ooh-hoo, the police. Thank God for the pol-- I mean, uh, who snitched?! Who called the Po-Po?
[The Hateocracy put their hands behind their heads as the police arrest them]
Officer: All right, you three are under arrest for the murder of Bushido Brown.
Grandad: Oh, thank you, officer. Thank you!
Riley: I can't believe somebody snitched. That's gay.
Officer: These three won't be bothering you anymore. But why do you think they were after you guys specifically?
Huey: It was a nigga moment.
Officer: Oh, of course -- a nigga moment. Well, there's only one way to end a nigga moment for good -- jail.
Huey: Jail?
Grandad: Jail. [chuckles] That makes sense! Jail! Isn't that great, Huey? Jail! Of course! Oh, thank God for jail.
Officer: Glad we could help. [leaves]
Colonel Stinkmeaner (narrating): And that's the moral of the story. Some niggas just need to go to jail. I might be in hell, but at least I ain't in jail, nigga. (laughs maniacally)
[The Hateocracy are yelling and protesting in a police car]
Lady Esmeralda: Let me out this car! (smashes her head against a car window)
Riley: I can't believe somebody snitched. (gets inside the house) Niggas is out here like running faucets.
Grandad: Y'all can get off my property now. And make sure you clean this headless dickhead off my yard. And get that ass-squirting toilet out of my house, too! (gets inside the house)
[the episode ends]

Smokin' With Cigarettes [3.6]Edit

Riley: (to Lamilton) That's it. No more gun. Now whatchoo gonna do?

Grandad: (to Riley from upstairs; off-screen) Shut the hell up before I come down there and beat you 'til you pee on yourself again!

[After Dr. Doomis dropped Lamilton Taeshawn off the roof of the school out of Riley's hands, which caused him to fall to his death...]
Riley: You killed him.
Dr. Doomis: He deserved to die.
Grandad: [looks down from the roof and gasps] He's... gone. [turns to the right and notices Lamilton limping away, still alive] No, wait. He's right there.
Dr. Doomis: He's still alive?! [Lamilton turns around and glares at him] No! No! [jumps off the roof] Aah! [lands on Lamilton as Grandad and Riley, but Huey look away and see Doomis grabbing Lamilton while he tries to escape] You're the spawn of Satan! I must destroy you!
Lamilton: [punches him in the face, releasing him] Get off me! [Doomis grabs him and pins him down] Somebody call my grandmother! You're not supposed to be within 100 yards!
Grandad: Well, that's that. Let's go home. [He, Huey, and Riley leave the roof]
Boy: [to Riley] Yo, man. You got a cigarette?
[Riley turns his head with a blank expression]
[episode ends]

The Fundraiser [3.7]Edit

Granddad: (To Riley about the messy living room) Jesus! Boy, look at you. All you do is lay around here and watch TV and eat my food and breathe my air, just as lazy as you can be. Go out and do something.
Riley: What am I supposed to do? I ain't got no money!
Granddad: Well, try getting up off your ass and cleaning up my living room. You lucky President Obama is not here to see this! You're lazy, you need a hobby or something!
Riley: Give me an allowance and I'll find a good hobby.
Granddad:Allowance?! I allow you to live here. I allow you to eat my food! I allow you to burn up my electricity!
Riley: I mean a money allowance.
Granddad: Well, how about this? Trash is starting to stink, and guess what? You're allowed to take it out. Hee-hee-hee.
Riley: (voice over) I was a loser. I might as well been dead.

Riley: (voice over) You wanna be in this business, you got to pay the cost of doing business. And when the cost get too high, you get out of business.

Riley: Look, fuck you, fuck the plane you flew in on, fuck them shoes, fuck those socks with the belt on it, fuck your gay-ass fairy faggot accent, fuck them cheap-ass cigars, fuck your yuck-mouth teeth, fuck your hairpiece, fuck your chocolate, fuck Guy Ritchie, fuck Prince William, fuck The Queen. This is America. My president is black and my Lambo is blue, nigga. Now, get the fuck out my hotel room. And if I see you in the street, I'm slapping the shit out of you.

Pause [3.8]Edit

Robert: I gon' really let him have it. Show him my stuff. Give that man everything I got.
Riley: Pause.
Robert: Pause? Pause what?
Riley: You said somethin' gay, so you gotta say "no homo" or else you a homo.
Robert: But what did I say gay?
Riley: You said you was gon' give this dude everything you got. No homo.
Robert: That's not gay. I said I was gon' give the man everything I got.
Riley: Pause, Granddad. If it sound gay, its gay and you gotta say "no homo". How I know you not a homo, Granddad, if you don't say "no homo"?
Robert: I'm not sayin' "no homo".
Riley: Okay, you wanna be a homo.
Robert: Stop callin' your granddaddy a homo!
Riley: Then say "no homo"!
Robert: I don't wanna say "no homo"! Imma homo yo' ass if you don't stop sayin' pause!
Riley: ...Pause.

A Date With the Booty Warrior [3.9]Edit

Chris Hansen: You wanna explain to me what you're doing here?
The Booty Warrior: I came looking for booty.
Chris Hansen: You came looking for sex with an underage boy?
The Booty Warrior: Oh no, I ain't come lookin for no little boys. I ain't got no milk, no cookies, nothing. I came looking for man's butt.
Chris Hansen: A man's butt? Excuse me?
The Booty Warrior: Oh, I know who you are, Chris Hansen. But see, I likes to calls ya Chris Hansome. I watch your TV show all the time. So you can go ahead and bring in them cameras and them polices waitin for me outside. It don't make me no difference. Now, I'll tell you what: I like ya, and I wantcha. Now we can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way. The choice is yours.
Chris Hansen: Well, I don't think you and I will be doing anything any kind of way.
The Booty Warrior: Okay, I-I see you choosin the hard way.
Chris Hansen: Okay, cut. This isn't working. Someone get this guy-
[The booty warrior lunges at Chris, restraining him bent over the counter.]
The Booty Warrior: Don't make me ruin that butt, Chris!
Chris Hansen: No! No, please!
The Booty Warrior: I'm a warrior!
[We hear cloth tearing. Suddenly, Chris Hansen screams in agony as we hear the booty warrior grunting.]

The Booty Warrior: When y'all go to prison, the most important thing in your life is gonna be booty. A man's butt.
Inmate: [From offscreen] Y'all better listen to him.
The Booty Warrior: Booty- gettin' some booty- is more important than food. It's more important than drinkin' water. If I see a man I like, I tell it like this here. [Looks straight at Tom, the camera zooming in on him as eerie music plays] I likes ya.
Inmate: He likes ya!
The Booty Warrior: And I wants ya.
Inmate: And he wants ya!
The Booty Warrior: Now we can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way. The choice is yours.
The Booty Warrior: So what's it gonna be? I asked you a question, Tom.
[Tom is shaking and sweating by now, visibly nervous]
Tom: I don't answer...
The Booty Warrior: Ah-ah-ah! What was that? I can't hear you, Tom!
Tom: I said I don't wanna answer- I don't wanna- I don't wanna do this anymore!
The Booty Warrior: Sounds to me like you want it the hard way!
Inmate: GIVE IT TO 'IM!

[The Booty Warrior and a group of inmates have started an uprising and are attempting to escape the prison, but quickly become lost.]
Inmate 1: Well, what do we do now?
Inmate 2: Ask him, it was his idea! I thought you had an escape plan worked out or somethin'!
The Booty Warrior: An escape plan? Uh... booty, is more important, than escapin'. So, I said to myself when I seen that shank, "This is an opportunity for me to get some booty".
Inmate 3: That was it? N***a, I thought you had a demand!
The Booty Warrior: Oh, I had demands! I had demands to get some booty!
Inmate 3: I thought this was supposed to be some Attica type shit!
The Booty Warrior: Now, how y'all think that make me feel?! Y'all let the booty get away! Now I gotta go hunt down the booty! Damn!

The Story of Lando Freeman (3.10)Edit

Riley: I hate to this, Grandad. But you did look like a pussy punk bitch. You should've stuck with your story.
Robert: It was a DNA test.
Riley: Well, study next time. (Huey hits him with a book) Ow!
Huey: Grandad, there's no use beating yourself up.
Riley: Yeah, Steve Wilkos already did that.
Robert: I can't believe all this time. A son. A son named Lando.
Huey: Grandad, it's not all your fault. This doesn't make you a horrible person.
Steve Wilkos: (on TV) It's all your fucking fault! You're a horrible fucking person!
Robert: Oh, why me? Why did he do this to me?
Robert: Shut the fuck up. I'm sick of this shit.
Steve Wilkos: In the case of 25-year-old gardener and landscaper, Lando Freeman, Robert, you ARE the father.

Lovely Ebony Brown (3.11)Edit

Mr. Medicinal (3.12)Edit

The Fried Chicken Flu (3.13)Edit

The Color Ruckus (3.14)Edit

(Uncle Ruckus talks about how his adopted father always used to abuse him)
Uncle: (voice over) I had two younger brothers: my brother Darryl, and my other brother Darell, but Mister always seemed to single me out the worst. (young Darryl and Darell bump on the table, knocking over a vase and breaking it accidentally) I would get beaten fo' anything.
(Mister comes into the house and notices the broken vase, blaming young Uncle)
Mister: (furious) Nigga, did you just break that vase?!
(Mister slaps Uncle violently all the way to the floor. Bunny rushes in and cradles her son.)
Bunny: Oh, sweet Jesus, Lord have mercy, my baby!
(Wipe fade to show young Uncle holding a teddy bear and admiring it)
Uncle: (voice over) Just havin' fun was off limits in Mister's house.
(Mister comes in, noticing Uncle holding the teddy bear)
Mister: (furious) Nigga, did I just catch you havin' fun?!
(Mister slaps Uncle violently all the way to the floor. Bunny rushes in and cradles her son.)
Bunny: Oh, sweet Jesus, Lord have mercy, my baby!
(Wipe fade to show young Uncle reading a book about doctors)
Uncle: (voice over) Every day, he reminded me of what a failure I was going to be.
Young Uncle: (noticing his father come in) Mister, I wanna be a doctor when I grow up.
Mister: (furious) Nigga, did I just catch you wantin' to be shit?!
(Mister slaps Uncle violently all the way to the floor. Bunny rushes in and cradles her son.)
Bunny: Oh, sweet Jesus, Lord have mercy, my baby!

(Nelly Ruckus remarks about Mister's family, and says that she's dying)
Nelly: Ugh, look at you. Didn't I tell you, you wasn't gonna be shit with yo' stupid ugly wife and yo' stupid ugly chirrens? I can't wait to die so I don't have to look at yo' ugly, black nigga ass anymo'. Goddamnit!
(Mister has just about had it with Nelly's remark)
Mister: Aaaaaaaaaaauuuuggh! I can't take it, no mo'!

(When Nelly Ruckus died)
Darryl: Uncle, she gone.
Robert: In my living room?! Oh, No!
Robert: (Seeing Nelly dead, sitting slumped in the chair) In my living chair?! OH, NO!!! (Turns to Huey) Huey! Get my chainsaw!

(After Nelly Ruckus's death)
Mister: (Drunkenly) Where we going?
Darryl: Back to the hotel, Daddy.
Mister: Already?! Let's keep partying! She's finally dead!!

(At Nelly Ruckus's funeral, at Mister's remarks about Uncle)
Uncle: No, that's okay. Keep talking, keep talking, Daddy. That's the eulogy the whole woman deserves! Oh, she did this to you and now you doing it to me! You've been doing it our WHOLE lives and it's getting old! It's getting REAL OLD, Old Man, so GET IT OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM THEN SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
(Everybody gasp at Uncle's outburst)
Robert: Oh, shit...
Mister: Boy, what did you say to me?
Uncle: (Innocently) Um... what part in particular?
(Goes raise a alcohol bottle to hit Uncle, but feels a sharp of pain)
Mister: (In pain) OWWW!!! My back! It's my old injury!
(Mister stumbles and falls into Nelly Ruckus's grave, breaking his neck and killing him)
Darrel: He's dead!
Darryl: Well, I guess Grandma Nellie got her wish.
Bunny: Yes, now I can marry my white lover!
Uncle: If only Mister live long enough to love the white man too.

It's Goin' Down (3.15)Edit

(In the final minutes of the episode, an angry Jack Flowers takes Ed Wuncler, III.)
Ed, III: HEEEEEEEELLLLP!! Somebody, shoot this muthafucka! (as Jack Flowers takes him away) You can't do this to me! Do you know who I am? GRANDADDY!!
Ed Wuncler, Sr.: (responding with a smile) What are you waiting for? Shoot him!
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