The Book of Pooh

The Book of Pooh is a puppet television series that aired on Playhouse Disney.

Season 1

Episode 1

Best Wishes, Winnie the Pooh [1.1a]

Pooh: I wish I had a pot of honey.

I really wish I do.

For if I had a pot of honey,

My tummy'd have honey, too.

Double Time [1.1b]

[Rabbit, in a hurry to visit everyone, visits Eeyore, who is sleeping.]

Rabbit: Eeyore! Please wake up! I've come to visit!

Eeyore: Rabbit. Hello. Nice to s--

Rabbit: Eeyore, if you don't mind, I'm in a terrible hurry. Could I just knock down your house and be on my way?

Eeyore: Huh? Sure. Whatever's fastest.

Rabbit: Thank you, Eeyore, see you later. [knocks down Eeyore's house and takes off]

Eeyore: Poor Rabbit. He's finally snapped.

[Rabbit visits Owl.]

Rabbit: Oh, hello Owl, old friend, how are you today?

Owl: Rabbit, how wonderful to see you. I'm fine. You know, when you came up running here at such a high rate of speed...

Rabbit: Uh...

Owl: You reminded me of a story.

Rabbit: Uh, excuse me.

Owl: It's all about a mongoose I once knew named Rikki... Rikki-Tikki... something.

Rabbit: Owl...

Owl: Our curtain rises in far-flung India, in a beautiful garden, among the wafting aromas of honeysuckle and pomegranate...

Rabbit: OWL!!!

Owl: Oh, my goodness, Rabbit! What is it? Is everything all right?

Rabbit: Yes, yes, fine, Owl, fine. It's... It's just that I'm in a terrible hurry.

Owl: Yes?

Rabbit: And I was wondering if you could make this story as short as possible, hmm?

Owl: Well, actually, it's a fairly short story, Rabbit. As you may or may not know, I'm renowned for my brevity, which is, of course, the soul of--

Rabbit: OWL!!!

Owl: Oh, all right. The mongoose gets adopted by a family and he saves them all from a big mean cobra.

Rabbit: Thank you, bye! Must hurry! [runs off]

Owl: Yes, yes. Goodbye, goodbye! [indignant] Hmmph! Well, I never. How unsatisfying. Hmmph!

Episode 4

Dinosnores [1.4b]

[Owl is showing the gang a book about dinosaurs.]

Tigger: Boy, oh, boy! That is the ugliest dinosnore I've never seen!

Owl: [chuckles] It's dinosaur, Tigger, not dinosnore.

Tigger: Hey. You "saur", I "snore".

Kessie: I didn't know there were so many dinosaurs.

Owl: Hundreds, Kessie. Some were quite small and quite friendly.

Piglet: Those are the ones I quite like best.

Tigger: And some were big and scary! Blblblblblblblblblblbl!

Piglet: [frightened] Oh, my! Oh, m-m-my!

Pooh: I wonder what kind of dinosaur Eeyore's bone belongs to.

Rabbit: And, what if the dinosaur comes back for it?

[Everyone becomes scared, and turns to Eeyore.]

Eeyore: Oh, well. It figures. I'll just go home, and hide in my house, and wait for my doom.

Tigger: Not on your life, Eeyore, old pal! We're gonna protect-erate ya, even if we can't!

[Everyone has built signs to keep the dinosaur away from Eeyore's house.]

Rabbit: [chuckles] When that dinosaur sees all these signs, he'll know to stay away from Eeyore's house.

[Pooh, Tigger, and Kessie chatter with agreement.]

Pooh: [among the chatter] Yes, Rabbit.

Tigger: [among the chatter] What you said.

Kessie: [among the chatter] Yeah.

Piglet: There's just one thing Rabbit: where is Eeyore's house?

Rabbit: Why it's right... [Eeyore's house isn't there] ...here.

Kessie: I think we used all the sticks in Eeyore's house to make signposts to keep the dinosaur...

All: Away from Eeyore's house.

Eeyore: Shoulda known it was too good to be true.

Tigger: Well, at least it'll keep the dinosnore away.

Kessie: Yeah!

Rabbit: Yes.

Piglet: Yes, Tigger.

Pooh: But what if the dinosaur can't read?

Piglet: What do you mean, Pooh Bear?

Pooh: Well, if the dinosaur can't read, then, it won't understand the signs. And it won't stay away.

Tigger: Gaspity! We have to come up with another way to protect-erate Eeyore! And there's only one thing to do.

Tigger: Eeyore clearly must go into the witless protect-erization program. We disguise ya, give ya another name, and another place to live. The dinosnore can't find you then. Of course, we can't either, but hey, those are the breaks. Allow me to introduct... Meeyore.

[Eeyore is wearing a disguise, made up of a white wig, a white mustache, and glasses.]

Eeyore: Yo, everybody.

Tigger: It's perfect! Once we relocate ya, you won't have to worry anymore, hoo.

Pooh: But where will Eeyore go?

Tigger: Oh sorry, Pooh boy, that's classificated, and it's... [sniffs] Meeyore.

[Everybody is sad.]

Piglet: I'll miss him.

Kessie: So will I.

Rabbit: Me too.

Tigger: The poor guy. Alone in the world. [sobs, but then he suddenly stops being sad] Well, Eeyore, time to get hit by the road. So long, nice knowin' ya.

Episode 5

I Came, I Sowed, I Conked It [1.5a]

[Rabbit sadly packing his stuff in boxes with a "For Sale" sign up front.]

Tigger: Huh? Hey there, Cottontail, what's with all the boxes?

Piglet: Rabbit, are you... [gasps] moving out?

Rabbit: [sighs] Yes. I'm afraid so. The way I see it, nobody needs a rabbit who can't garden. So I... guess it's time to move on. Maybe I would be better at collecting used gum.

Pooh: But Rabbit, you're a wonderful gardener.

Tigger: Yeah, you're the gardeniest gardener I know.

Rabbit: But you see, I'm not. My watermelons look like cucumbers... My carrots are the shape of radishes, and... And look! My potatoes might as well be... carrots!

Pooh: Yes. The potatoes do look like carrots. Why, except for their color, I'd say this was a carrot. And look. [picks up an ear of corn painted yellow] Well, this one peels just like an ear of corn.

Rabbit: Yes, Pooh. These vegetables are right on the inside, but wrong outside! [panics] Oh, dear. It's even worse than I thought. What have I done?!

Piglet: Tigger, I think we should tell now.

Rabbit: Tell what, Tigger?

Tigger: [gulps] Well, um... Uh, see, um... The potatoes kinda look like carrots, because, uh... well, I uh... kinda accidentally bounced Piglet, and... mixed up all the signs. [covers his face with guilt]

Rabbit: [surprised] You... what?

Piglet: Yes! And the vegetables got all confused when the signs weren't right. And...

Tigger and Piglet: Please don't be mad at us, Rabbit!

[Rabbit starts shaking, as if he's about to freak out, but he starts laughing with relief instead.]

Tigger: Oh, he's got some sense of humor for a guy with no garden.

Piglet: Yes. What's so funny, Rabbit?

Pooh: I'd like to know that, too.

Rabbit: It's just that... [laughs] Oh, dear. The seeds already know what they're going to grow into. [laughs] The signs are just to remind me what I planted where. [laughs] This garden is fine. In fact... Ha! It just might be my best crop ever! [laughs] Oh, dear!

Episode 14

Best Wishes, Winnie the Pooh [1.14b]

Pooh: I wish I had a pot of honey.

I really wish I do.

For if I had a pot of honey,

My tummy'd have honey, too.

Season 2

Episode 1

The Wood Without Pooh [2.1a]

Piglet: Hello, Pooh! Pooh? He doesn't seem to be here.

Rabbit: But we have plans to spend the morning together.

Tigger: Hmm. You are correct, sir. It's not like Pooh to just disappear-ificate like this.

Rabbit: Oh, look. He's left a note. I'm sure this will explain everything. "Gone for good."

[They all gasp.]

Piglet: Pooh's... g-g-g-gone?

Tigger: Gone for... [gulp] good?!

Rabbit: That's what the note says, "gone for good".

Tigger: Oh, cheese and crackers. Old Pooh-Boy hit the road. Who'da thunk it?

Rabbit: [gasps] Oh, my. Pooh... gone forever.

Piglet: [sad] And without so much as a... goodbye.

Piglet: What'll we do without him? What will the wood be like without Pooh?

Rabbit: [thoughtfully] Hmm. The wood without Pooh, you say. I wonder...

[Rabbit imagines himself having all the honey to himself.]

Rabbit: Let's see... Delicious, and so much honey! I can have it whenever I like! Yes, yes, yes! There's certainly plenty of honey. [laughs] Honey! Enough for a lifetime!

[Back in reality...]

Rabbit: I wonder if it'd be so bad.

Tigger: Yeah. I wonderize the same thing.

[Tigger imagines himself taking over as the main character of the book, which is now called "The Book of Tigger".]

Mr. Narrator: And today's story in The Book of Tigger is, of course, another stunning adventure in the life of... who else? Tigger.

Tigger: That's me! The one and only! What's it gonna be, Mr. Narrator? Bouncin'? Pouncin'? [gasps] How's about I save the wood from a woozle invas-ion-ay?

Mr. Narrator: Oh, you pick, Tigger. I'm far too excited to decide.

Tigger: Well, you know, that's understand-a-bibble.

Episode 3

Piglet's Perfect Party [2.3a]

[Rabbit is visiting Piglet while he is cleaning his house.]

Rabbit: Well, hello there, Piglet!

Piglet: Hello, Rabbit.

Rabbit: Oh, expecting company?

Piglet: Company?

Rabbit: Yes. Judging by all the cleaning and general fussbudgetry, clearly you're preparing to entertain in some fashion.

Piglet: Well, no. Actually, I was just--

Rabbit: What's the matter? Aren't I invited?

Piglet: Invited to what?

Rabbit: Your party, of course.

Piglet: But I'm not having a party.

Rabbit: Oh? Well, why not? With all this cleaning you've done, I'd think that was reason enough to celebrate.

Piglet: It is?

Rabbit: Well, it certainly is. Frankly, you look like you could use a party.

Piglet: I do? But...

Rabbit: Not to worry, not to worry. I'm willing to lend that expertise in order to make your expert soirée come off swimmingly.

Piglet: I, uh... Well, I... I suppose I could have a little punch, and... and some acorn cookies for a friend or two.

Rabbit: Oh, yes, yes. Yes, I can see it now. Oh, it'll be perfect, perfect!

Piglet: But, but, but, but...

Rabbit: Why, this could be the event of the season!

A Wood Divided [2.3b]

[Rabbit and Tigger have bumped into each other, resulting in Rabbit's tomato being squashed, and Tigger's tail-bouncing record being ruined.]

Rabbit: [devastated] My tomato!

Tigger: [sad] My tail-bouncin' record.

Rabbit: Tigger, look at what your silly bouncing has done to my perfect specimen! [holds his squashed tomato]

Tigger: [indignant] "Silly bouncin'"?! I will have you know I was about to break my personal all-time record for tail bouncin', 'til you and your silly tomato turned my dream into a thing of the pasta marinara, that is.

Rabbit: [shakes with anger, then jumps up, outraged] SILLY TOMATO?! [fed up] That's it. [advances on Tigger] This time, you've gone too far, Tigger. [angrily leans towards Tigger] You just stay clear of me and my vegetables from now on.

Tigger: Oh, really?! Well! Gladly! [angrily leans towards Rabbit] As long as you and your vegeta-bibbles keep away from me and my bouncer!

Episode 6

On a Clear Day You Can Bounce Forever [2.6a]

Tigger: Oh, who am I kiddin'? It's over. I'm a has-been. Even worse. I never even was in the first place. A Tigger that got tired of bouncin'. [sniffs and sobs] Let's face it. I'm not worthy of the name... [sniffs] Tigger. [weeps]