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The Bad Guys (film)

2022 film directed by Pierre Perifel

The Bad Guys is a 2022 American computer-animated crime comedy film, produced by DreamWorks Animation and distributed by Universal Pictures. It is based on the children's book series of the same name. The film's plot follows a group of criminal animals who, upon being caught, pretend to attempt to reform themselves as model citizens as a new villain has his own plans.

Directed by Pierre Perifel. Written by Etan Cohen.
Good is no fun at all. (taglines)

The Bad Guys

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  • [repeated line by Wolf and Snake] Go bad, or go home.

Mr. Wolf

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  • [repeated line] So long, suckers!
  • [repeated line] Don't mind us, we're just robbing this place.
  • Hey, you! (Yeah, you!) Get over here. A little bit closer. Oh, I know what it is. You're afraid, because I'm, uh… The big bad wolf! Well, I'm not surprised. I am the villain of every story. Isn't that right, Snake? [Snake: [chuckles] Yep.] Say hello to Mr. Snake! Serpentine safe-cracking machine. Imagine Houdini but with no arms. The kind of guy who'd tell you the glass is half-empty then steal it from y'all. He's also my best bud, and today is his birthday! [Snake: Not relevant.] He's a sweetheart. [to Snake] You're a sweetheart.
  • And over here is Ms. Tarantula. Our inhouse hacker, pocket search engine, and travelling-tech wizard. We call her "Webs".
  • And this is Mr. Shark, master of disguise. Apex predator of a thousand faces. His greatest trick: stealing the Mona Lisa disguised as the Mona Lisa. Dig that!
  • And rounding out the crew… [Piranha: Surprise!] …is Mr. Piranha. He's a loose cannon with a short fuse, willing to scrap with anyone or anything. He's brave, he's fearless... Aw, who am I kidding? He's crazy.
  • The Bad Guys become the good guys, so we can stay the Bad Guys. You know what I'm saying?
  • We're supposed to save them, not eat them!
  • Yeah, they're a bit eccentric, but when you're born us, you don't exactly win many popularity contests. Do I wish people didn't see us as monsters? Sure, I do. But these are the cards we've been dealt, so we might as well play them.
  • We may be bad, but we're so good at it!
  • Do you ever wonder what it'd be like if the world wasn't scared of us?
  • They're the only friends I've ever had.
  • [last lines] Hey, you! That's right. Come here. A little closer. I said closer! Now that we've had some time to get acquainted, we're not so scary now, aren't we? Webs, hit it.

Mr. Snake

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  • Relax, these doors are complicated.
  • Well, I'd say they've gone to a better place.
  • [Wolf: Maybe I don't want to be a...] What, a bad guy?!
  • [His tail starts to wag, and he gets angry] No, no. No! We'll... always... be... BAD GUYS!!
  • It's fantastic! Wolf, you're a genius!
  • Totally worth it!
  • I've made a lot of enemies in my time... I mean, a lot... but out of all the people in the world... I hate you guys the least.
  • What’s on the Food Network?
  • You want to know why I hate birthdays, Wolf? Do you? When you grow up a snake, nobody shows up to your party. Birthdays are a constant reminder that out there, I'm just a scary, good-for-nothing monster. Yeah, but nothing compares to having the one guy... the one guy I thought I could trust... stab me in the back.
  • Nope! [eats] Sucker!

Mr. Piranha

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  • [repeated line] Surprise!
  • Hermano.
  • Crazy! You're finally speaking my language, chico!
  • What happened? Did we blow up? Is this heaven?
  • What's up, papa?

Mr. Shark

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  • Man... my tummy is rumbling like a kraken right now.
  • I'm having a baby! Is there a doctor, or perhaps several security guards that can leave their posts and help me?
  • MY BABY!
  • That's it! I'll teach you to share!
  • Oh, stop, you're making me blush.

Ms. Tarantula

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  • Everyone copies.
  • It's crime time, baby. Shark, we need a distraction.
  • Well, there goes our street cred.

Diane Foxington / The Crimson Paw

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  • A wolf and a fox are not so different. Maybe they will believe you, maybe they won't. But it doesn't matter. Don't do it for them. Do it for yourself. This is a chance to write your own story, to find a better life for you and your friends. What have you got to lose?
  • Yeah, well, that ship has already sailed.
  • I gave you an opportunity, a chance to show the world that you're more than just a scary stereotype! But you're too proud or too gutless to take advantage of it!
  • I was the best thief in the world. Fast, fearless, inventive. I just had one thing left to steal. [Wolf: The Golden Dolphin. So, you went after it.] I didn't just go after it. I had it. And a clear escape route. But... all I saw in the end was the tricky fox that they always told me I was. It changed everything. So, now, instead of hurting people, I'm helping them. [sighs] I'm still me. [chuckles] I'm just me on the right side.

Professor Marmalade

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  • That is an animal testing lab with helpless guinea pigs.
  • You're going to have to choose between your friends, and the good life.
  • [from the trailer only] If you want to stay out of jail, you need to go well.
  • You villains have an image problem. You need a makeover.
  • You see, I never cared about what's "good". Only what's good for me.
  • [last words] No, no! I'm not the Crimson Paw, she is! She's the Paw! (Honest!) I'm the flower of goodness! NO!

Police Chief Misty Luggins

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  • [repeated line] Get them!
  • [to Wolf after he "attacks" Marmalade] Now, you are done FOREVER, Wolf!!

Dialogue

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[first lines; Wolf and Snake are hanging out at a diner]
Snake: Stop!
Wolf: I'll stop if you just explain it to me, Because I don't...
Snake: Would you please just drop it?
Wolf: Alright, alright, fine. Consider it dropped. It's dropped. It's on the ground.
Snake: Good.
Wolf: But, I mean, come on! Everybody loves birthdays! [Snake groans] You got decorations, you got balloons, you got parties. And cake!
Snake: Look, I don't need presents, I don't want decorations, and I'm not a cake guy.
Wolf: Seriously though, you don't like cake? Name one food better than cake.
Snake: Guinea pig.
Wolf: Oh, again with the guinea pig. [chuckles] I bet if I blindfolded you, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a skunk and a guinea pig.
Snake: Wrong! Snakes have impeccable taste buds. I can taste air.
Wolf: Air?
Snake: Yes! Air. [tastes the air around him] Mmm, nice.
Wolf: I dunno. They're a little, uh... a little cute for my taste.
Snake: That's what makes them so delicious! You're not just eating food. You're eating pure goodness! It's not about the pig! It's about what it symbolizes on a deeper level!
[Wolf stares at him]
Wolf: So you can taste air?
Snake: Ah.
Wolf: What else you got?
Snake: Forget about it.
Wolf: Well, can you also hear color? [chuckles]
Snake: [annoyed] Alright.
Wolf: Can you see the sound?
Snake: OK.
Wolf: 'Cause we should really be capitalizing on your skills.
Snake: OK, alright, fine. Get it all out. Get it all out now!
Wolf: OK, OK.
Snake: [spits out an alarm clock] Look at that! 4:00 p.m.! Now I know the exact moment our friendship died.
Wolf: [chuckles] Let's bounce.
Snake: Yup. [swallows the clock as he and Wolf get ready to leave]
Wolf: Just like, uh... you're gonna stick me with the bill... again.
Snake: Well, it is my birthday.
Wolf: So, now you play the birthday card? That's interesting. [walks up to the counter] Can we get a check please? When you get a chance? Hello? Checkity-check-check? You know what? We're just gonna leave the money right here, okay? [places the money in the tip jar]
Snake: You know the one good thing about this place?
Wolf: What?
Snake: We never have to wait for a table.
[camera pans to see a group of customers cowering in a corner]
Wolf: Isn't that every place?
Snake: [to the group] Hey, man. How you been? I haven't seen you in... SNAKE ATTACK! [the group screams and all hide behind a chair] Ooh, mints. [swallows the whole bowl of mints]
Wolf: Sorry, folks, I'm switching him to decaf.
Snake: Alright.
Both: Let's do this.
Piranha: A giant butt!
Marmalade: Huh? Uh... It's... It's not a butt. It's a lamp in the shape of the Love Crater Meteorite, my greatest...
Piranha: I wonder whose butt it is.
Wolf: Uh...
Marmalade: Once again, it's not a butt. Thank you. It's a heart. Now as I was saying...
Piranha: Then why does it have cheeks?
[Wolf, Snake and Shark shush him]
Shark: Shut it!
Piranha: What? I've never seen a heart with cheeks.
Marmalade: It's not a...
Piranha: BOOTY!
Marmalade: [shouting] IT'S NOT A BUTT! NOT A BUTT!
Piranha: Does he know what a butt is?
[Marmalade leads the Bad Guys to a palm tree, where an orange cat clings onto it]
Wolf: Hey, look. It's a cat! Stuck in a tree!
[The cat hisses]
Marmalade: It doesn't get much simpler than that. Now, what in this scenario would give you that good tingle?
Snake: Eating it.[lifts up to reveal two bread slices] This is why I always carry two pieces of bread with me.
Marmalade: [with a strained smile] No. I want you to s...
[The gang tries to think]
Wolf: Smack it!
Snake: [still confused] Skin it?
Shark: Stab it!
Tarantula: [bluntly] Sauté it.
Piranha: [innocently] Sing to it?
Marmalade: [frustrated] Save it. I want you to save it was so obvious. I want you to save it!
Bad Guys: Oh! Right, right… [The gang slowly looks up at the cat with grins, then bare their fangs and sport feral looks] HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY!!!
[The terrified cat rushes up further to the top of the tree]
Snake: Whoa! That cat is obviously defective.
Piranha: What is wrong with you guys? You're gonna give it a heart attack. I'll handle this. [climbs up the tree and shouts in the cat's face] WASSUP, PAPA?!
[The cat yowls in fear and falls out of the tree onto Wolf's head, clawing his face]
Wolf: Get him off my face! He's on my face!
Marmalade: No, no, no, no, no! Listen, what are you doing?! OK.
[Nighttime. Wolf stares at the moon. Then he hears the cat, still stuck in the tree, meow. Wolf approaches the tree as the cat looks down at him]
Wolf: I think we got off to a bad start. The name's Wolf. [climbs up the tree. The cat cowers in fear as if thinking that Wolf is gonna hurt him] Yep. [sighs] I get that a lot. First impressions and all. [continues climbing. The cat steps back and jumps onto another frond, which begin to shake] No, no, no, no! [The frond breaks. Wolf catches the cat, just before he could hit the ground, then puts him back in the tree] Now, it's OK. It's OK. I'm not gonna hurt you. I know you're scared. I would be, too, if I were you. Just give me a chance. [The cat meows shyfully] The truth is, we actually have a lot in common. Don't tell anyone, but I love a little scratch on the spot behind my ears. You know, right there. The best. [The cat recoils as Wolf reaches his hand out to him] Come on, Kitty. [Kitty sniffs Wolf's hand, then rubs his face on it. He purrs happily as Wolf holds out his arms. Kitty lands in Wolf's hands, and rubs his face against them. Wolf smiles as his furry checks stands on end, then slides down to the ground] Yeah, Who's a good kitty? [Kitty meows happily] Who's a good kitty?
Webs: Uh, Wolf? Um, You saved him?
[Kitty meows]
Marmalade: Yes! [chuckling] Yes. It's working.
Wolf: You-you filmed that?
Marmalade: Yes, and they’re starting to like you.
Shark: [chuckling] Yeah!
Piranha: All right!
Marmalade: This might just be enough to win over the guests at the gala.
Piranha: Now we're talking!
Snake: Yes!
Shark: All right!
Webs: Yeah, we did it! All right!
Wolf: You... It was all you.
Webs: What are you talking about, Wolf?
Wolf: The old lady, the Golden Dolphin, good training. It was all to get us here, so he could steal the meteorite and let us take the fall.
Snake: Whoa, whoa. What old lady, and-and why would a guinea pig want a meteorite anyway?
[Marmalade chuckles]
Shark: Uh, guys, he's creeping me out.
Piranha: Wait, what? What's going on? Someone turn me around!
Marmalade: [to Wolf] Well, well. So you finally get it.
Webs: Wait...
All: [shocked] What?!
Shark: You stole the meteorite?!
Marmalade: Oh, it's not just a meteorite.
Piranha: I told you guys it's a butt!
Marmalade: It's not a butt! It's the ultimate power source. You see, when it struck, scientists found that it emitted an electromagnetic frequency unlike anything else on Earth. I'm going to harness its power to pull off the greatest heist the world has ever seen!
Webs: [to Snake] You should've eaten him when you had the chance.
Snake: Yep.
Wolf: But why us?
Marmalade: Because you're the perfect patsies. Come on, when people look up "bad" in the dictionary, do they see a sweet adorable guinea pig? No! They see you, and they always will.
Snake: Okay, fine. But you set us up!
Marmalade: Oh, pish-pish! Let's be honest. Evolution set you up, but Wolfie here really clinched it. [to Wolf] You fell for every one of my traps, starting with saving a helpless little old lady!
Snake: Wolf, what's he talking about?
Marmalade: Whoops! Did I say too much? Any who, looks like, yet again, the Big Bad Wolf got outsmarted by a little piggy.
Wolf: [enraged] You little, pouchy-cheeked RAAAAATT!!
[Marmalade quickly kicks the door open, adopting a terrified expression for the public as they see the Professor being "threatened" as Wolf furiously pounces at him]
Wolf: I'LL KILL YOU! YOU HEAR ME?! YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE DEA–! [notices everyone frightened in shock]
Marmalade: Help, help! The Big Bad Wolf is attacking me!
Luggins: [runs to the van] Oh! Now you are done forever, Wolf! [furiously slams the van's door]
Shark: I can't believe we got double-crossed by a tiny rodent!
Snake: Oh we got double-crossed by a rodent all right. But, uh, not a tiny one.
Shark: What?!
Snake: This was supposed to be us conning Marmalade. It turns out it was Wolf conning us! Does that sound familiar to you, Wolf?!
Wolf: Why-why would you think that?
Snake: Oh, I don't know! Maybe because you just sabotaged the biggest heist of our lives! I think you owe us an explanation, buddy.
Wolf: Ok, you're right. This is what happened. Back in the museum, I just tried to steal an old lady's purse. [gets mugshot taken] Classic snatch and grab.
Webs: "Tried" to? Since when do you try to steal something and not just steal it?
Wolf: I was trying to steal the purse when the old lady fell and... [clears throat] I kind of helped her.
Snake: What?! [gets mugshot taken]
Wolf:: I kind of helped her.
Piranha: But then you stole the purse. [gets mugshot taken]
Wolf: No, [chuckles] I didn't! I saved the old lady, and she hugged me, and my tail wagged, and I didn't know what it was, but it felt, uh, you know... good. [the others, except Snake, gasp]
Piranha: Ah, but then you stole the purse!
Others: [irritated] NO!
Snake: Y'know, I heard what the pig said to you, about cutting us loose.
Shark: Wait. Like, "us" us?!
Snake: But I never thought you'd actually do it, man.
Wolf: Hey, hey, hey, hey! I-I would never... I was trying to... I was trying to find us a better life!
Snake: Our life was perfect until you decided to ruin it!
Wolf: I didn't! You guys felt it at the gala — the clapping, the cheering. We were more than-than just scary villains! They loved us!
Snake: Oh, yeah?! If they "loved" us so much, how come we're in prison for a crime we didn't commit? You know what? I'll give Marmalade this: at least he sees the world for what it is - a place where some people are scary and some people are scared!
Wolf: Oh, yeah? Well, I'm tired of being scary! I'm… I'm tired of being an outcast! Maybe I don't wanna be a—
Snake: What, a bad guy?! Don't wanna be a bad guy anymore, huh? Say it, Wolf! [Wolf glares at him and said nothing] Yeah, I thought so. And us… your lifelong friends? We're just holding you back?
Wolf: YEAH, MAYBE YOU ARE!
[Snake gasps softly while Shark, Webs and Piranha look at each other in shock. Then Snake leaps on him, furiously attacking him. They all gasp in horror.]
Snake: TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK! APOLOGIZE!
Prison Guard 1: [breaks up Snake and Wolf] Hey, hey, hey, hey! Prison is no place for fighting!
[A guard falls on the prison floor behind them]
Prison Guard 2: [points up, weakened] Tell that to him.
Wolf: Huh?
[Snake and Wolf look up to see the Crimson Paw dropping through the roof to the rescue.]
[After a rescue from prison]
Diane: Marmalade needs to be stopped, but I can't do it alone. You know his compound better than anyone.
Wolf: You can count on us. [to his gang, who are now feeling hurt from him and Snake's fight] Right, guys?
Snake: There is no "us". We're through, Wolf. Done, finito.
Wolf: Because of that little tiff back there? C'mon, man, that's what we do. You serve, I volley. That's our little dance.
Snake: Not this time. [slithers away]
Wolf: Piranha? [Mr. Piranha follows Snake, aghast] Webs?
Webs: [reluctantly follows Snake] Sorry, Wolfie.
Wolf: Shark… [Shark says nothing and follows Snake] Hey, guys? Guys?!
Snake: [stops slithering and turns to Wolf] You wanna know why I hate birthdays, Wolf? Do ya? When you grow up a snake, nobody shows up to your party. Birthdays are a constant reminder that out there, I'm just a scary, good-for-nothin' monster. Yeah. But nothing compares to having the one guy… the one guy I thought I could trust... stab me in the back. [to the rest of the gang] Come on, guys. Let's get outta here.
[Snake and his gang leave]
[At Diane's house. Diane turns off her car and looks at Wolf thinking about his friends]
Diane: Hey. You okay?
Wolf: No, I'm not okay. I’m very, very un-okay. [grumbles] Just left the only friends I’ve ever had, so what am I… [sighs] what am I doing?
Diane: [sighs] I know this isn’t easy, leaving everything behind.
Wolf: Do you?
Diane: Yeah. I was the best thief in the world; fast, fearless, inventive. I just had one thing left to steal.
Wolf: The Golden Dolphin. So you went after it?
Diane: I didn't just go after it. [In flashback, when Diane tries to steal the Golden Dolphin] I had it. And a clear escape route. [looks in the mirror and she takes off her mask and her hood] But... all I saw in the end was the tricky fox, that they always told me I was. [Diane put the Golden Dolphin back, and she ran. Flashback ends.] It changed everything, so now instead of hurting people, I'm helping them. [sighs] I'm still me. [chuckles] I’m just me on the right side. You’re doing the right thing. And someday your friends, if they’re real friends, I think they’ll understand.
[Wolf is happy with Diane]
Diane: Now, come on, let’s get inside. You look like you just busted out of a prison.
Wolf: [chuckles]
[after Snake, Shark, Webs and Piranha make themselves back home while feeling sulked, they all discover their hideout is empty and gasp]
Shark: No!
Snake: What?!
Piranha: All our stuff?!
Snake: Where is everything?!
Piranha: [running in panic] No, no, no, no! No-no-no-no-no-no-no!
Snake: It's all gone!
Shark: My disguise closet!
Webs: [looking through hangers] Where's my things?!
Snake: Wolf gave away all our loot! We stole it fair and square!
Piranha: Now I understand what it feels like to have things stolen from you! [shudders his breathing] I DON'T LIKE IT! I REALLY DON'T LIKE IT!!
[Snake looks in the freezer to find his very last push-pop]
Shark: We got no food! We got no money! We got no money we could use to buy food! No food we can sell for money! [grunts, then starts sobbing loudly]
Snake: [gives Shark his push-pop] All right! Okay, okay! Here, here, take it. Now, stop crying, buddy.
[Shark sighs while sucking his push-pop.]
Webs: Um, Snake, what did you just do?
Snake: [looks in the refrigerator] What?! My friend was sad, I was just cheering him up!
Shark: You… you did a good thing. For me!
Snake: Don't be ridiculous. I just put your needs before my own.
Webs: Yeah. You’re being good.
Snake: I'm not! I was simply making a sacrifice so Shark could be happy.
Webs: That is the actual definition of being good!
Shark: Snake! You, the worst one of us! The most selfish!
Webs: Spiteful!
Shark: Terrible!
Piranha: Sneaky!
Webs: Dishonest!
Shark: Insensitive!
Webs: Manipulative!
Piranha: Snake-like!
Shark: Stanky!
Snake: And your point is...?
Webs: I think Wolf was right. Maybe we could be more than just scary villains.
[They start wagging uncontrollably.]
Shark: Wha...?!
Webs: Oh, wow! Is this… is this wagging? We’re-we’re wagging!
[Snake's tail wags with his happy on his face, then turns angry.]
Snake: No! No! NO! [pushes his tail down] We'll... always... be... BAD GUYS!!
[Snake furiously slams the refrigerator and slivers off.]
[During a heist to steal the meteorite back from Marmalade with Diane, Piranha, Webs and Shark, Wolf backs up to the palm tree, then holds out his arms]
Wolf: Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!
[Kitty jumps, and Wolf catches him. He sets him down on a seat beside Piranha, then pulls out a pair of sunglasses from the glove compartment for him as Piranha gently pats his head]
Snake: You came back.
Wolf: Snake. I should've been honest with you. I was afraid that if you knew I-I wanted to be good that you'd...
Snake: ...Act like a jerk and never talk to you again?
Wolf: [laughing] Yeah. Point is I… I-I-I, you know…
Snake: Yeah. I love you, too, buddy.
[Wolf and Snake hug each other]
Shark: This-this is so beautiful. Do you know how beautiful this is, you guys?
Piranha: Now… Now you're gonna make me cry.
Webs: I know! So pathetic, right?
Wolf: Come on, guys. [Holds up a grappling hook] Who said it was the end?
Luggins: [chuckles] That is it.
Piranha: Hey!
Luggins: There is absolutely no way you’re gettin’ away this time.
Diane: Wait, Chief.
Luggins: Governor Foxington?
Diane: Don't do this.
Wolf: Ow!
Diane: They didn't steal the meteorite, they were bringing it back.
Luggins: Ha! How do you know that unless... unless you were conspiring with a bunch of known criminals!
Diane: Well... [clears throat] ...As a matter of fact, it’s time I came clean about something.
[Wolf, Snake, Shark, Piranha, and Webs realize that Diane is going to tell her about her secret identity]
Diane: The truth is I’m really... [clears throat] ...R-really...
Wolf: [cuts in quickly] Really a big fan of redemption arcs! Yeah, we know.
[They understand Wolf's intention, protecting Diane's secret identity.]
Wolf: We're done running away.
Piranha: Yeah.
Shark: Mm-hmm.
Webs: Yeah.
Snake: Yep.
Wolf: Chief, do what you need to do.
Luggins: What, you're turning yourself in?!
Wolf: We might not have stolen the meteorite, but we did steal a lotta other things. It's time we took some responsibility. Start a clean state. Take us in, Chief.
Luggins: Wow, really?
Wolf: You finally did it. This is your moment, Chief. Drink it in.
Luggins: [gasps] Wow. You know, I should… I should give a speech. I… Well, I-I should, shouldn't I?
Wolf: Uhhh... [unsure, but she's already started talking]
Luggins: [clears throat] When I was 6 years old, I decided that I wanted to play the piccolo, only to find that my fingers were just too powerful for that fragile little instrument. And that’s when I discovered law enforcement...
Wolf: [chuckles]
[Luggins continues her speech indistinctly]
Diane: I’m proud of you, Wolf.
Wolf: You know, a fox and a wolf are not that different. You got a good thing going here, Governor.
Luggins: Wait a second. This isn't the meteorite! [claps twice] It’s a lamp!
Everyone: Huh?
Snake: Heheheh.
Everyone: What?!
[Flashback]
Webs: Snake, what did you just do?
Snake: What? My friend was sad, and I was just cheerin’ him up.
Webs: I think Wolf was right. Maybe we could be more than just scary villains.
Snake: I'm bad, you're bad. Let's be bad together.
Marmalade: You've got yourself a deal.
Snake: Can I try it on?
Marmalade: Of course, partner.
Wolf: Don't mind us, just robbing this place.
Marmalade: No, no, no, no!
[In the present]
Marmalade: But if that's the lamp, where is the...?
Snake: Heheh. The old switcheroo.
Luggins: Hold on. This is the Zumpango diamond, but this was stolen by… [gasps] ...By the Crimson Paw!
Marmalade: Me? Oh, oh, no, no, no.
Tiffany: O.M.G.
Marmalade: No, no, no! No, you've got it all wrong!
Tiffany: And a shocking twist.
Marmalade: You're making a huge mistake!
Tiffany: The notorious bandit, known as the Crimson Paw, has been revealed to be none other than Professor Marmalade.
Marmalade: No, no, no! I'm not the Crimson Paw, she is the Crimson Paw! She's the Paw! I'm the flower of goodness! NO!

Taglines

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  • Good is no fun at all.
  • Go bad or go home.

Cast

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