The Animals of Farthing Wood (season 1)

Seasons: 1 2 3 | Main

The following is a list of quotes from the first season of The Animals of Farthing Wood.

The Wood in Danger [1.1]

[Kestrel flies]

Badger: Look at this place. Just look at it, Weasel.

Weasel: Ahahahahah! Doesn't get any better!

Badger: I don't know what you're laughing at. [sighs] How many more homes have we lost today, Owl?

Owl: Half a dozen semi-attached burrows, three fully furnished squirrel holes and at least 15 immaculately kept nests. [sees a tree fall down] Oh. 16.

Badger: Chopping away at us every day. Still, they're not satisfied.

Weasel: [gulps] Don't look now, they'll be on us any minute! Any second!

Badger: Ah, our days are numbered.

Badger: Isn't an assembly a bit drastic?

Fox: [walks up to a small ridge near the trickle] If this isn't drastic...

Mr. Hedgehog: Hmm, exactly.

Fox: Then what is?

Badger: But a Farthing Wood assembly, Fox? Why we haven't had one of those in years. They're only ever called if there's an.... er...

Weasel: Emergency?

[Badger joins Fox near the trickle]

Fox: And I call this an emergency.

Weasel: You took the words right out of my mouth.

Fox: Not to put too fine a point on it, without water, we animals of Farthing Wood are hardly likely to survive.

Mr. Hedgehog: Hmm, here, here.

Weasel: I mean, if you wouldn't call that an emergency, what would you call it? Alice? Ahahaha!

Badger: [unimpressed] Very funny.

Mr. Hedgehog: Erm, but if you don't mind my asking, what'll having some assembly achieve?

Mrs. Rabbit: What can we mere animals do?

Fox: I'm not sure yet. But I reckon that if you and me and Badger and Weasel can get every single member of our woodland community together fast, then maybe one of us might come up with...

Mrs. Rabbit: A solution?

Weasel: [clapping] Clever clogs, clever clogs!

Badger: Oh, somehow, I thought it might be you, Owl.

Owl: You're surly not excepting us to go down there, are you?

Badger: Yes.

Owl: Out of the question [turns back] won't get me down there.

Weasel: Told you so.

Owl: [turns around] He who dwells in the soil himself becomes soiled. He who dwells in the light shall find enlightenment.

Badger: Owl, I know I can rely on you to set an example, and I assure you that my home is quite spotless.

Owl: Well, if you put it that way. [flies down]

Mr. Pheasant: Not late, are we, Badger? Only, you know what the females are like. Takes so long to get ready, eh?

Mrs. Pheasant: It's always my fault.

Mr. Pheasant: Of course.

Badger: Now, are we all here?

Adder: Not lassst, am I, Badger?

Badger: Well someone has to be, Adder. Just follow the glow worms and don't eat!

Adder: Ssshucks! I was looking forward to a few glow worms!

Badger: Now, friends. Adder. And fellow woodlanders.

Everyone: What's this all about?

Owl: Do get on with it!

Badger: You don't need me to underline the gravity of our situation.

Fox: We're all aware that since the giant Earth movers have moved in...

Badger: Life in Farthing Wood has become steadily more and more hazardous. For one and all.

[Outside, a big rock moves and Toad climbs out of the ground]

Toad: I'm still here!

Badger: First they devastated our habitat. And now...

Kestrel: They've even filled in our pond. Filled in our pond.

Badger: Yet still we've hung in there.

Kestrel: Blooded but unbowed.

Badger: But is there any way out from this dilemma?

Owl: Where indeed is the solution to our problems?

Toad: [arrives in through the roof] I'm here maties! I'm coming!

Badger: Toad!

Owl: Your powers of deduction are admirable, Badger.

Toad: Ha-ha, same old Owlie!

Owl: Same old Toad.

Toad: Bet you never thought you'd see me again, eh, maties? [Owl turns back]

Adder: We were ssso ssaddened you sssnuffed it.

Mrs. Rabbit: But where have you been?

Toad: Where haven't I been more like. Taken away against my will, weren't I? Captivated I were and took off in a jam jar. But all the time I were away, I kept saying myself Toad, you must get, home. It was the thought that you lot kept me going.

Adder: Fancy.

Toad: Must get back to my maties I kept thinking. Must get back to my...

Mole: Pond?

Toad: Exactly.

Badger: Speaking of which, um, I'm afraid.

Toad: What?

Owl: There's some rather bad news, Toad.

Mole: It's your p-p-po-p-p-pond, Toad. You see?

Owl: It's been filled in.

Toad: What?! [faints]

Owl: You see, Toad, you have to understand there have been a great many changes. [Toad gets up] While you've been away...

Toad: But my pond!

Fox: Gone completely I'm afraid.

Toad: And the newts' puddle? [He sees the newts sob together] And the stream?

Fox: Just a muddy trickle now, which is why we've called this assembly, Toad.

Toad: [bursts into tears] Oh!

Owl: If we ever get to hold this meeting.

Fox: You see, we've got to face facts, old son. As a community, we're all but finished here. Man and his machines have seen to that.

Toad: [angrily pounding his fists] Don't talk to me about those machines! I know all about them!

Fox: In fact, it must be obvious to everyone here that...

Owl: ...If we don't find a new watering hole within the next few days...

Fox: ...Then we are going to be in the very worst kind of distress. If you know what I mean. [the animals look worried]

Mole: Could we try... digging water?

Owl: In earth as dry as a biscuit? Don't be silly, Mole.

Toad: I knows the place that we could go to.

Owl: Who asked you?

Toad: It's a great little place, a wonderful place.

Badger: Poor old Toad. Obviously rambling poor fella.

Toad: Purpose-built for animals like us.

Mole: Was it really, Toad?

Toad: They calls it 'White Deer Park', Moley.

Mole: White Deer?

Toad: 'Tis a nature preserve.

Mole: Is it really?

Toad: It's a place where all wild creatures are protected by humans.

Weasel: Ahahahahaha! Hahahahaha!

Owl: If such a place existed, I would know about it.

Mole: Did you come upon this Deer White place on your travels, Toad?

Toad: That I did, Moley. Hur!

Mole: Deer White Park, eh?

Badger: Hmm. White Deer Park.

Owl: Never heard of either of them.

Toad: Well, I know it well and nowhere's better I reckon.

Badger: Well, Fox? What do you think?

Fox: Have we any alternative?

Badger: Humm, quite. Then White Deer Park it is, everyone.

Owl: What?!

Fox: All those in favour.

Everyone: Aye!

Toad: Hu-hu-hu-hu-hu-hu-hu-hur!

Badger: Well done, Toad.

Everyone: [Weasel claps her paws] Hooray!

Badger: My late father remembered it, when those men first started cutting down our trees... to build their brick and glass boxes. It was called the Oath of Mutual Protection.

Everyone: Oath of Mutual Protection?

Badger: It's a promise not to...

Fox:... Frighten?

Owl: ... Terrorize or consume one another.

Adder: Not... eat... one another? Who's the sssnake supposed to survive?

Badger: Quite. So if you'll all raise your right paw... [Owl looks at her wings] or claw. [Owl raises her right wing] And repeat after me. I, name of animal.

Toad: I, name of animal.

Badger: No! I, Toad! Or um...

Mr. Rabbit: I, Rabbit.

Badger: Yes.

Everyone: I, [Fieldmouse, Rabbit, Hare, Squirrel]

Badger: Do solemly swear...

Everyone: Do solemly swear...

Badger: Not to swallow anybody.

Everyone: Not to swallow anybody.

Adder: Not to swallow... [whispering] Except when nobody's looking.

Badger: ...While on route to this place of Toad's. Toad will obviously be our guide on your journey.

Toad: And, leader!

Badger: Um, just guide, I think, Toad. But, Toad is right. We will need a leader. Someone we can look up to. Someone cunning and courageous and...

Weasel: Preferably not a snake? Ahahahaha! [Everyone laughs, except Adder who glares at Weasel] Joking! [gulps]

Badger: I therefore nominate... Fox, to be our leader.

Everyone: Fox?

Mr. Hare: Huh?! Are you off your trolley?!

Everyone: Why Fox?

Fox: Thanks a bundle, Badger.

Baby Rabbit: [scared] Fox? But why Fox?

Badger: No, no, no, no, Fox has all the right qualities, Hare. He's an experienced traveler, er, roams far and wide over all sorts of terrain and he's used to scavenging.

Owl: Huh!

Badger: Oh, don't be like that, Owl. We can't all be leader. Now, I'm sure we've got lots of things to do before we leave [Rabbit, Hedgehog, Fieldmouse and Squirrel leave], eating our last few berries and, er, cleaning our fur coats. So just don't forget... midnight!

Fox: We meet by the Great Beech of midnight.

Everyone: Midnight! Midnight! Midnight at the Great Beech! Midnight at the Great Beech!

[Fox, Badger and Adder leave. Then Adder eats one of the glow worms]

The Journey Begins [1.2]

Mr. Pheasant: It's a nightmare!

Mrs. Pheasant: Yes, dear.

Mr. Pheasant: How would they like it if they were hunted all the time? They'd not be singing and dancing then!

Mrs. Pheasant: No, dear.

Mr. Pheasant: I'll be a sitting target!

Mrs. Pheasant: I'll do my best to look after you.

Mr. Pheasant: You? What good are you?!

Fox: Are we all here, Badger?

Badger: [sighs] Afraid not, Fox. Mole is missing.

Adder: Let's do ourselves a favor and give him the slip. Mole's slow, stupid and tasteless!

[Mole overhears Adder, starts crying and leaves.]

Badger: He's better company than you any day, Adder! We cannot leave without Mole.

Fox: Sorry, Badger. There's no time to waste. We're going now.

Badger: Well, you go on then. Mole and I will catch up with you. [leaves to find Mole]

Fox: Alright, everyone, we're moving off.

Baby Newt: [wails] Water!

Owl: It seems that some of us can scarcely put one foot in front of the other. The newts won't last the night.

Fox: Only you can find water in the dark, Owl.

Owl: True. I shall fly ahead. Rely on me!

Mrs Rabbit: Good luck, Owl.

Fox: [thinking] Luck's something we're all going to need.

[Mr Pheasant is sleeping]

Mrs. Pheasant: Wake up, dear.

Mr. Pheasant: [startled] DON'T SHOOT!!!

Mrs. Pheasant: Time to go, dear.

Badger: Is that you, Moley?

Mole: Go away.

Badger: Moley, everyone's waiting for you!

Mole: Don't stop, Badger. I'm not going. They could plead and plead with me, but I made up my mind, I'm not going.

Badger: Whyever not, Mole?

Mole: [crying] Because... because... it wouldn't be fair on the rest of you. [weeps]

Badger: Nonsense, Mole! We couldn't leave without you!

Mole: I'd only hold you up because I'm so little, and... and...

Badger: And what, Moley?

Mole: Slow.

Badger: Slow?

Mole: And... tasteless... [sobs]

Badger: Ah, Adder. You know better than to listen to her. We all took the oath of mutual protection. and that means... it means, um... I'll look after you, Moley.

Mole: [emerges from the ground] All the way?

Badger: All the way. It wouldn't be the same without you, Mole.

Mole: Honest?

Badger: Honest, Moley. You're coming with me. Leave you behind, indeed.

Mole: [relieved] Oh, Badger.

Mrs. Rabbit: Don't panic! Those newts are on their last legs!

Adder: Lucky they've got any!

Mrs. Rabbit: [checks up on the newts] What's wrong?

Mrs. Newt: Our baby's dying.

Mr. Newt: If we don't find water soon, we'll all die.

Mr. Fieldmouse: I can face it! Tell me, are we going to die, Fox?

Weasel: Probably! Ahahahaha! Want to take bets on it?

Mr. Hare: Perhaps we should go back.

Mrs. Hare: Do you think we should?

Fox: No one's going back. There's nothing to go back for.

[Toad makes a loud splash in the swimming pool]

Fox: How can a creature as small as Toad manage to be so noisy?

Adder: Thisss is going to be interesssting!

Toad: Come on in Adder! Get your feet wet!

Adder: Chance would be a fine thing!

Weasel: Got a bit of a problem Adder? I could get you a drink no trouble! How much is it worth eh?

Adder: You scratch my back... I'll scratch yours!

Weasel: Fair enough. I've been wanting to do this for ages! [She lowers Adder into the pool]

Adder: Ssswindler! Shharper! Sneak!

[Adder is stuck in the swimming pool]

Adder: Psst! Still here Foxy, submerged... but not sunk!

Fox: Oh shut up!

[Fox has brought garden cane to help Adder escape from the pool]

Adder: What am I supposssed to do with thisss? Eat it?

Fox: Hang onto it, you silly slithering...

Adder: Say you're sorry!

Fox: Alright! If you insist!

Mole: [About riding on Badger] I feel so guilty riding along like this, while everyone else is so tired and I'm not helping at all.

Badger: You're more help where you are than you would be on the ground, Moley.

Mole: I could keep up, now that you've all slowed down!

Adder: I'd swap places with Mole any time.

Weasel: What would you hold on with? Your teeth?

Adder: I'd be pleased to steal a ride on you... Weasel!

[while crossing a road]

Adder: Thisss is going to ruin my scalesss!

Through Fire and Through Water [1.3]

[The animals have been sleeping on army land and are woken by gunfire]

Mrs. Hedgehog: Do stop snoring dear.

Mr. Hedgehog: Me? I don't snore.

Mrs. Hedgehog: That's what you always say, but I think your snores are positively earth shattering.

[Upon hearing humans testing military weapons]

Mr. Pheasant: I say! It's a pheasant shoot!

Mrs. Pheasant: For once, I have to admit you're right, dear.

Mr. Pheasant: "For once"?!

Owl: When perched between two evils, the best solution is to stay still.

Adder: Easssier said than done.

Kestrel: One of the soldiers has raised his gun. He's sticking a knife on the end of it.

Mr. Pheasant: I say! That's none too sporting!

[Upon witnessing the soldiers run away because Weasel accidentally breaks open a bees' nest]

Mr. Pheasant: Imagine. Afraid of a sack!

Badger: Traveled too far yesterday, Fox.

Toad: Too fast for us small animals, too slow for you.

Badger: Hmm, true, Toad. It's very uncomfortable for us larger animals.

Mole: Oh dear, it's all my fault. Oh, oh, I'm sorry, Badger.

Badger: I didn't mean you were making me uncomfortable, Moley. Go on, eat your worms. It's alright.

[Mole goes back underground.]

Fox: You're right, Badger. We can't slow our pace any further. What are we going to do?

Weasel: I know! What Adder needs is a sting in the tail! [laughs] That'll make her move!

Adder: I'll give you a sting in the tail!

[Weasel screams and runs off.]

Fox: Some weasels never learn.

Fox: Well, I'm afraid we'd better be going. I'd like to get to the other side of the marsh before night. Goodbye, newts, and good luck.

Mr. Newt: [waving] Thank you for everything, Fox.

Fox: Time to go, everybody.

Badger: Goodbye. Moley? Where have you gone now?

Mole: Here I am.

Badger: [picks Mole up] It's time to go!

Mole: But you said I could look for worms.

Badger: Later! Later.

Owl: One day, Moley, you'll be so fat you'll get stuck down one of your own tunnels!

Mole: [burps] Oh, pardon.

[One of the squirrels finds a live bullet and picks up]

Fox: Throw that away! It might be dangerous!

[The squirrel tosses the bullet, which lands behind Mr. Pheasant. The bullet explodes, ruining Mr. Pheasant's tailfeathers and making him scream in shock.]

Weasel: [shocked] Oops!

Mrs. Pheasant: Are you alright, dear?

Mr. Pheasant: I'll never be able to turn my back on anyone again! [sobs]

Mrs. Pheasant: That'll be a nice change.

Fox: Is that all you're worried about?!

Mr. Pheasant: When you've been shot at as often as I have, Fox, you realize nothing's more important than one's personal dignity!

Fox: The quicker we're out of here, the better! Get into single file, everybody, and don't step out of line! This is dangerous country! Toad? Where's Toad?!

Owl: Too tired to move.

Fox: Take a rest, everybody. I'm going back for him.

Badger: Well, at least we're all back together now.

Mole: [tearful] But we're not. Where are the Newts?

Badger: [comforting] Don't ask. There's a good chap. Up you come now.

[Badger places Mole on top of his head]

Fox: Come on, everybody! Let's get out of here! And whatever happens, now we're together, let's stick together!

False Haven [1.4]

[It is pouring with rain]

Toad: Where's Owl?

Badger: If she's got any sense at all she'll be tucked up nice and snug underground.

Toad: OWL?

Badger: Well, under a bush then. Whatever!

[Mrs. Pheasant takes one of Owl's shedded feathers and puts it in her sleeping husband's tail]

Mr. Pheasant: [wakes up] DAAAAAH!!!

Mrs. Pheasant: There. That's better now.

Mr. Pheasant: What have you done?!

Mrs. Pheasant: I've just added a stray feather to your tail, dear, to hide the burnt bits. Oooh, it do look lovely!

Mr. Pheasant: [suspicious] What kind of feather?

Mrs. Pheasant: Well, I think it's one of Owl's actually--

Mr. Pheasant: THAT DOWDY FEMALE?!

Owl: Beggars can't be choosers, Pheasant.

Kestrel: You should be grateful.

Mr. Pheasant: Grateful?! What?! [To his wife, Mrs. Pheasant] To have her feathers in my beautiful tail?! Stupid bird! Take it out at once!

[Mrs. Pheasant sighs and does so]

Mr. Pheasant: As if any other creature had feathers anywhere near as handsome as mine!

Mrs. Pheasant: [sadly] I was only doing my best.

Fox: Peace... Perfect peace.

Kestrel: [to the Pheasants] Stop squabbling! Can't you see Fox is tired? And look at all the others. Welcome, Badger.

Badger: Thank you, Kestrel. Not much like home, is it?

Owl: Any boat hole in a storm.

Fox: You never said a truer word, Owl. Personally, I'm just glad to get out of the wet.

Tom Griggs: [to his dog Bruno] Right, Bruno, now's your chance to save your skin. Guard that door. And guard it well. Because if that fox escapes, you'll be as dead as this bird. [he holds up a dead Mrs. Pheasant]

Mr. Pheasant: [wails] My wife!

Tom Griggs: [to Fox] You wait 'till I'm reloading my gun, Fox. I'll get my own back on you, you see if I don't.

Fox: Check the windows.

Owl: They're shut.

[Tom Briggs takes a dead Mrs. Pheasant]

Owl: I'm afraid your wife's going to be the farmer's dinner, Pheasant.

Mr. Pheasant: [cries] Where? Where is she?

Mrs. Hare: Poor Pheasant, no wonder you were so scared all the time.

Weasel: Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you! Ahahaha!

Fox: [hears Bruno growling] It must be some way out. [hears Bruno panting] Owl?

Owl: This is going to take some thinking about. [closes her eyes]

Baby Rabbit: Mum, she's fallen asleep.

Mrs. Rabbit:' Shhh... [Bruno growls at the barn door and whines]

Tom Griggs: Gaah! [goes back to the house and closes the door] That fox is done for this time!

Betsy Griggs: He'll keep. Your dinner won't. [puts down the plate of chicken leg and boiled vegetables]

Tom Griggs: Oh! [closes his shotgun] Women!

Bruno: If I could get my teeth into you...

Adder: [snarls] Watccch it! My bite'sss worse than my bark.

Bruno: My master wants you dead.

Fox: So? He wants every fox dead.

Bruno: You killed his chickens!

Fox: Oh, no I didn't.

Bruno: Liar!

Fox: I'm not the only fox around.

Bruno: You're here.

Fox: Ah, I see. Any fox will do. Is that it? Your master must be very stupid.

Bruno: [growls] How dare you!

Fox: To kill one fox because another hurt him. That's the same as kicking you because his wife's burnt his dinner!

Bruno: [realising] Uh? - He does, too!

Fox: I mean, does that make any sense to you?

Bruno: Er, no. But you still haven't told me why you were lurking round the chicken coop!

Fox: Not for the taste of chicken. I don't even like them. Too many feathers. Achoo!

Bruno: You're a right one, aren't you? Joking at a time like this! Alright, if it wasn't for the chickens, what was it for?

Fox: Didn't you see the others?

Bruno: What others?

Fox: My friends. Not foxes. But rabbits. Mice. Hedgehogs. Toads, birds, all kinds!

Bruno: You're true to your name, I must say, very cunning. But you can't fool me, oh no. I'm taking you back. I'll get a nice fat reward when my master sees you're dead.

Fox: Oh, no you won't.

Bruno: Oh, yes I will!

Fox: You won't. He doesn't want you to kill his fox. He wants to do it for himself. All you'll do is rob him of the satisfaction.

Bruno: [snarls] All right, suits me! I'll take you back alive! [growls]

Fox: Sorry. Can't oblige, old son. If you want me, you'll have to kill me first.

Bruno: Oh, I don't know. First my master blames me for not catching his fox, then when I've caught him he still blames me.

Fox: That's about it.

Bruno: You've got me tied in knots, you clever dink!

Fox: You should have caught the right fox. That's all there is to it.

Bruno: Wild animals, heh. They'll be telling me to catch and make friends with a mouse next!

[Fox runs away, while Bruno is distracted]

Mr. Pheasant: [sobs] My poor wife...

Mrs. Hare: Yes... [to Mr. Hare] we must be nice to him, dear. Do try.

Mr. Pheasant: It's only now she's gone, I realise how much she did for me. [sobs] Who's going to dig for my grubs now?

Mr. Hare: Oh! I draw the line at that!

Snare for the Unwary [1.5]

[Mr. Pheasant volunteers to go back for Adder, but can't fly very well and he keeps falling]

Fox: Oh dear... I'd forgotten pheasants are not very good at flying! We'll be here till Christmas at this rate!

Mr. Pheasant: Psst... Adder. Psst! Adder! UGHHH!

[He witnesses what's left of his cooked wife cooling on the windowsill, and he starts crying really hard, and he is bursting into tears. Then Bruno hears Mr. Pheasant crying]

Tom Griggs: Huh?

Adder: Psssst! PHEASSSANT! GET OUT OF SSSIGHT!

Mr. Pheasant: I can't see anything! Where are you, Adder?

Adder: Never mind you seeing me! Don't let the farmer see you! Whoops! [she hides]

Mr. Pheasant: ...Farmer?

[Moments later, he is shot off-screen and killed by Tom Griggs. Then the animals hear a gunshot and the scared rooks caw, flying]

Badger: Oh... NO!

Mrs. Hare: If that's Pheasant, I'll never forgive myself.

Owl: Need another volunteer, Fox?

Fox: Owl, I'd be grateful if you were a little less critical and a little more helpful.

Owl: You want me to help?

Fox: You could offer to go back for Adder.

Owl: [yawning] I suppose I could.

Fox: So why don't you?

Owl: Well, it's almost night and wings are faster than the fleetest of foot. So I suppose I might as well volunteer. [takes off flying] See you soon!

Fox: That bird.

[Badger hears a rook cawing]

Badger: Look. A stranger.

Owl: Where are you?

Adder: At last! What kept you?

Owl: Where's Pheasant?

Adder: Roasting for supper. Speaking of which, Can I offer you some juicy rat?

Owl: Hmm, don't mind if I do.

[Adder grins and swoops down and Owl flies, a dead rat lies on the floor]

Owl: Fancy Fox allowing Pheasant to come back for you! Why, he couldn't even fly properly!

Adder: I sssuppose there were lotsss of volunteers?

Owl: Well, one or two. Well, one anyway.

Adder: You would've known better than to ask.

Owl: Fox couldn't lead a pack of hounds.

Adder: Even if they were on his scent!

[They laugh]

Owl: [about the animals] Where would they be without me?

Adder: They're without you now.

Owl: Hmmm.

Badger: Even a dormouse couldn’t sleep after Weasel's singing!

Fox: What happened to Pheasant?

Owl: You need me to tell you?

Mrs. Hare: I knew it! Poor Pheasant! And I was so unkind to him...

Mr. Hare: Now he's got something to cry about.

Mrs. Hare: That's just it - he'll never cry anymore! [sobbing]

Mr. Hare: Don't you start!

Fox: I should never have let him go.

Owl: [critical] True.

Owl: A moment's thought can save a lifetime's misery.

[Toad is cheering the animals on as they cross the river.]

Adder: That toad's sssickening enthusiasm is beginning to get on my nerves.

[The rabbits are floundering in the middle of the river unable to swim]

Fox Rabbits! What are you doing?!

Mr. Rabbit: We're PANICKING!

[Weasel crosses the river]

Badger: I can't see what's happening.

Weasel: The Rabbits are panicking and swimming round in circles in the middle of the river!

Badger: Grrr. Those rabbits. Even with one your problems are multiplied. [calling out to Fox] Fox, do you need any help?

[A Baby Rabbit is still floundering in the river unable to swim]

Baby Rabbit: Help...No! Save me!

[She falls in the water, but ends up on Fox's head, who surfaces]

Fox: Stop going round in circles. Swim straight in front of you!

[A massive piece of drift wood heads towards Fox and the Rabbits.]

Mole: Badger, that massive debris! It's going to hit Fox and the Rabbits, and it will kill them!

Badger: [after noticing] Oh no! Quickly, my friends! They're in danger! We must save them!

[Badger, Toad, Mole and Mrs. Fieldmouse dive into the river.]

Badger: Each of you must rescue a rabbit. I'll take care of Fox.

Mrs. Rabbit: [panics] Help!

Toad: Oh, shut up, Rabbit. Swim that way.

Mrs. Rabbit: [shaking her head] Which way?

Toad: That way.

[Toad pushes Mrs Rabbit in the direction he was pointing]

Mrs. Rabbit: Oh! That way!

[Fox and Badger have been swept over a waterfall by a floating mass of debris]

Owl: I'm afraid we'll have to accept that Badger and Fox are dead.

Toad: Ah...wait! Look!

Who Shall Wear The Crown? [1.6.]

Owl: Badger as leader? Huh!

Adder: Too ssslow and ssstupid.

Owl: A bird would be more suitable.

Adder: You mean... Kestrel?

Owl: Kestrel? Oh no no. She hasn't the common touch.

Adder: Whereas you have (!)

Owl: What are you getting at Adder?

Adder: Jussst raising you Owl.

Owl: Well yes... you're right, of course.

Adder: All the animals trussst you.

Owl: True.

Adder: And you're wise enough to know when sssomeone's winding you up!

Owl: What? Are you saying...

Adder: I'm jussst saying how wise you are!

New Friends, Old Enemies [1.7]

[Fox is hunting mice for Tom the cat at a supermarket back lot]

Tom: Three... six... ten?

Fox: No... fourteen!

Tom: [surprised] Good lord that's enough!

Mr. Vole: If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times. We smaller animals deserve our rights!

Horse: Bit ironic really. Been hunting foxes all my life and here I am now chinwagging with you?

Fox: Hunting?

Horse: Yah. A lot of that around here. Oh dear, sore point eh? Didn't mean to upset you.

Fox: Isn't your fault.

Horse: True, only obeying orders. Humans are a funny lot. Cruel one minute, kind the next. Take them as they come I suppose.

Vixen: No, please don't get up. You poor thing. You look exhausted.

Fox: I'm sorry, is this your earth?

Vixen: Yes, but you're welcome to use it. I do have several others. Actually, I was just going to hunt. Are you hungry?

Fox: Starving! I haven't eaten since yesterday!

Vixen: Then your wits will be sharp. Care to join me?

Fox: Things are looking up.

Friends In Need [1.8]

Vixen: Foxes hunt but we're also hunted.

Fox: Has it happened to you?

Vixen: No. But I have often heard the horn blow. I suppose it will be my turn one day.

Fox: The Owl Reminded of Someone.

Vixen: Owl, Have you Seen Foxes Friends?

Big Owl: Not many Foxes in the Wood these Days.

Vixen: No not Foxes, a Party of all kinds travelling together. A Toad, a Kestrel, a Mole, Rabbits, Mice, an Owl.

Fox: You will come back won't you? I couldn't bear to lose you! Not now!

Vixen: You may not have to.

Vixen: Do you have a mate?

Thrush: Yes. And a family too.

Vixen: Do you miss your freedom?

Thrush: Haven't the time. Much too busy.

Vixen: I see. I used to like walking alone in the morning dew.

Thrush: And now?

Vixen: And now I don't know what to do.

Thrush: Is he brave and true?

Vixen: Probably!

Thrush: If you don't try, you'll never know.

[The hunt has picked up Vixen's scent]

Butcher Bird: [jeering] RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Mr. Hare: Badger... we should run!

Badger: No. Remember the oath. We must all stand together and fight!

Weasel: But we'll be torn to pieces!

Mole: What's happening? I can't see!

Badger: It's probably better that you don't Moley.

Kestrel: [about the hounds] We could try heading them off.

Owl: In certain circumstances attack is the only form of defense.

Weasel: Get on with it then!

Fox: [realizing the hounds are now going after Vixen] I've failed her!

[Adder receives praise from the other animals for saving Vixen]

Adder: I'll never live thisss down.

Vixen: I know what you did... heading them off.

Fox: I couldn't bear to think of you... and those hounds.

Vixen: You risked your life for me.

Fox: Were you... were you on your way back to me?

Vixen: Yes.

Fox: Does that mean...

Vixen: I would be honored to be your mate.

Fox: Oh... I'm so happy!

Badger: Welcome my dear. You're one of us now.

All the Animals: Hooray for Fox.

Whistler's Quarry [1.9]

[Mole is crying with happiness]

Badger: Oh Moley! If only your tears weren't salty, none of us would ever be thirsty again!

Owl: If love is blind as they say it is, it's a fine state for our leader to get himself into.

Adder: You helped save him.

Owl: You helped save his mate.

Adder: I was sssaving myself.

Owl: Says who?

[A chain link fence is blocking their way to the quarry]

Toad: It's alright Badger, we can all hop through! Oh... see what you mean, I'd forgotten how big you all were.

Adder: That toad is ssso astute.

Mole: Would it help if I tunneled underneath?

Badger: Moley, what would we do without you?

Adder: Die of thirst, I should think!

[Whistler is seen for the first time, flying overhead. His wings are making a whistling sound while he is flying]

Kestrel: A fine display of flying technique, don't you think Owl?

Owl: Needs oiling if you ask me.

[A carp is attempting to eat Toad]

Vixen: Whistler! Can you do anything to help?

Whistler: My pleasure. I've been after that carp for years!

Whistler: Are there any herons at White Deer Park?

Toad: Now you come to mention it I did see one or two.

Whistler: Ah... female herons?

Toad: Now there you've got me matey! Can't tell the difference, see!

[The animals have walked into a pheasant shoot. Whistler's wing makes a noise when he lands.]

Kestrel: Be quiet! You don't want a matching hole in your other wing do you?

Whistler: That would be unfortunate.

Owl: But deserved.

Whistler: What did you say?

Kestrel: Ssh! I don't want to be taken for a pheasant!

[One of the baby rabbits has run out into the field and gets shot]

Badger: To think Owl saved him from the snare for this.

Fox: He may not have died in vain Badger.

Between Two Evils [1.10]

Fox: If Toad's on course, we'll be there for winter.

Vixen: [sighs] Our own den.

Fox: Footprints in the snow when we go hunting.

Vixen: No one to disturb us.

Fox: And in the spring, our cubs will be safe.

Vixen: Safe... for always.

Owl: If we ever get there.

Vixen: We will. Won't we?

Toad: Course we will, maties! Haha! Not far to go now!

Owl: He who risks the lives of many on the word of one will soon learn that words cost little and accomplish nothing.

Owl: Thought you'd got lost.

Adder: Sorry to disappoint you.

Owl: If you're so slow, how slow is a slow-worm?

Adder: They're just lizards without legsss!

Owl: You're as proud as Toad.

Adder: Not possible. Fox and Vixen have made him feel so important, his head's swollen to the size of a puffball.

Weasel: Coming for a hunt?

Owl: [yawning] At this time of day?

Weasel: Please yourselves.

[Kestrel has informed the animals of a motorway up ahead]

Owl: When there is no way forward, the only way is back.

[A hunting horn is heard in the distance back from where they came]

Fox: The hunt! We can't go back!

Weasel: [jeering] We could!

Mrs. Hare: Yes we could. You're just being selfish.

Badger: HOW DARE YOU! After all Fox has done for us! Why he could have stayed with Vixen and left us to our fate, but he came back didn't he? And why? Because we animals stick together.

Mole: Hooray!

Vixen: Kestrel, can you see them?

Kestrel: They're coming this way! I think they're on your scent!

Fox: We've no choice.

Badger: To the road!

Mr. Vole: Can we vote on it please?

Fox: No time.

Owl: Sometimes fear of one evil overcomes the fear of another.

Weasel: In other words, let's scarper!

[The animals are faced with a motorway]

Mrs. Shrew: See? They only think of themselves. How are we supposed to cross a road like that?!

Mr. Vole: We can't trust the larger animals.

Mr. Hare: The only time you smaller animals have ever got into trouble is when you've left the group!

Fox: One step at a time.

Mrs. Fieldmouse: Some of us have bigger steps than others.

Adder: And sssome of us have no sssteps at all!

[The humans in one of the cars on the congested side of the motorway spot the animals]

Man: Take that! [throws can out of the car]

Fox: Don't run into the road! Weasel, don't!

Weasel: [throws the can back through their window] Take THAT!

Mrs. Hedgehog: Come on, dear!

Mr. Hedgehog: I... I... I can't!

Mrs. Hedgehog: Please...

Mr. Hedgehog: Don't...curl up...

Mrs. Hedgehog: Please!

Mr. Hedgehog: Whatever you do...dearest...don't...curl up!

Mrs. Hedgehog: Oh no!

[Both Mr. and Mrs. Hedgehog are curled up into a ball, and they get run over by a lorry, crushing and killing them.]

Vixen: [about the hedgehogs] ...She wouldn't leave him.

Mr. Hare: What happened?

Mrs. Hare: Why didn't they run?

Toad: Instincts got the better of them. And instincts can be very strong, matey. I should know.

Kestrel: [flying nearby] Kee! Kee!

Fox: She's found Adder!

Owl: Everyone else either has been carried or has run over the road.

Adder: Or, has been run over! I've got eyes to see!

Owl: Those cowering hedgehogs just curled up and died.

Adder: Well, I've no desire to commit suicide.

Owl: Then let me take you.

[Adder is refusing to let Owl carry her across the motorway]

Owl: Reflect, Adder, on the ancient wisdom expressed in the phrase 'Better to lose one's dignity than to lose one's life'.

Adder: I won't lose either if I stay here, which is exactly what I'm going to do, you pompous bundle of feathers! Because no one can force me to do anything I don't wisssh to!

[Whistler snatches Adder and flies her across much to the amusement of the other animals]

A Deathly Calm [1.11]

Mrs. Rabbit: And we're alright. The vegetables are beautiful. I've never seen a nicer young cabbage.

Mr. Rabbit: If something's wrong just don't tell me!

Owl: You are standing on poisoned land. It's in the ground we walk on, the air we breathe, and the plants which seem so luscious are probably deadly!

Weasel: AAAGH!

Mr Rabbit: But.. but how?

Owl: It was done deliberately.

Fox: The farmer! I knew I recognized that smell.

Owl: He keeps the poison hidden from his own kind. There are some things even humans don't approve of.

Mr. Hare: [about the humans growing cabbages with pesticides on them] But what will they do with the cabbages?

Owl: Eat them!

Toad: Won't they die too?

Owl: Who knows? Perhaps very slowly.

Owl: Humans have a saying; One man's meat is another man's poison. Goodness knows what they've done to these apples!

Fox: Let's hope for their sakes they've got strong stomachs.

Mr Vole: Owl thinks all the animals and plants are poisoned.

Adder: Except you of course!

Fox: Adder!

Adder: Jussst teasing.

Owl: Hunger's stronger than any oath.

Toad: Owl's right. Instinct will out. I should know.

[The animals are waiting for the birds and the foxes to come back with food from the town.]

Adder: If Whistler doesn't get back soon, I'll eat... [eying mole]

Mole: The Oath!

Adder: I'd eat that if it was on four legs, or even two!

[Whistler gets the food for animals and landed at Adder.]

Adder: You do that deliberately!

Whistler: Not at all, and look I brought you food.

Adder: I forgive you.

Owl: The darkest hour is just before the dawn. Well, it is!

Fox: You'll do as I tell you, or else.

Weasel: Or else what?

Fox: Or else I'll bite your head off.

Mrs. Hare: [about Mr. Rabbit] He does look dreadful.

Mr. Hare: He always looks dreadful!

Pandemonium [1.12]

Weasel: Step on a crack, break your father's back! Step on a line, you're doing fine!

[Weasel deliberately treads on Adder]

Weasel: Sorry! Thought you were a crack in the pavement!

Adder: Then you ssshouldn't have stepped on me. You'll get bad luck!

Weasel: Not me! I'm the luckiest weasel in the whole wide world! The luckiest weasel...

[a lightning bolt nearly strikes Weasel]

Weasel: AAAGH!

Adder: Sssee? What did I tell you?

Mr. Rabbit: Mole! It's all your fault!

Toad: Well, at least it isn't mine for a change, eh mateys?

[Owl is recovering after being temporarily deafened by a church bell]

Mrs. Vole: I know just how you feel.

Owl: What?

Mrs. Vole: It's not easy being deaf.

Owl: What are you talking about?

Mrs. Vole: What?

Owl: I said, what did you say?

Mrs. Vole: That's what I said!

Owl: Deaf old codger!

[Adder briefly wears the bride's veil by accident, much to the displeasure of the wedding guests]

Adder: I don't sssee what all the fusss is about!

Fox: [realizing that the animals have got separated after escaping from the church] We've lost them!

So Near And Yet So Far [1.13]

[Weasel has drunk some wine from a keg]

Weasel: Ooh! Nice!

Badger: Yeeuch! Disgusting!

Weasel: [slurs] No! Nice! I'm nice too Badger, when you get to know me! *hic* Which you will, now that we're holed up together!

Badger: Stop it!

Weasel: [slurs] I'm still thirsty! You know Badger, humans can be nice too! In fact, I could get to quite like them!

Badger: Weasel... are you feeling alright?

Weasel: [slurs] Never better old chap! [falls over]

[Weasel and Badger escape from the wine cellar when the landlord receives a delivery]

Weasel: [slurs] Here we go, here we go, here we go!

Landlord: What on earth?

Delivery Man: Here! You got a licence for that one Brian?

Badger: What are we going to do about Weasel?

Owl: Leave her! I would.

Weasel: [slurs] Can't go without Weasel! You know Badger, you've been like a father to me, you have! I've always looked onto you with the highest... hic!

Mr. Vole: I don't know Mother. Now we are nearly there, I feel almost sad.

Mrs. Vole: Sad? Huh! I'm looking forward to being a vole again, I don't know about you! But I know what you mean son. And take comfort, for your dreams will never be the dreams of an ordinary vole, never again. Your dreams will be different till the day you die, and so will mine, for I am proud to be a Farthing Wood traveler. And as for that Oath we made, we will keep it amongst ourselves and our children, and our children's children, so that the spirit of the journey will be kept alive forever.

Fox: Well said!

White Stag: [to Toad] To have made this journey once is remarkable. To have done it twice is extraordinary. News of your coming reached us long ago.

Badger: We are so glad to be here. And it's all thanks to Fox. We'd never have done it without him.

Fox: I only wish... we could all have made it.

White Stag: But those of you who did have made history.

[The Stag leads the animals to a spot overlooking the park]

White Stag: Welcome to White Deer Park.

External links

Wikipedia

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The Animals of Farthing Wood (TV series)