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The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle

2000 film directed by Des McAnuff

The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle is a comedy film released in 2000, starring De Niro, Russo, Alexander, Moose and Squirrel.

Dialogue

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[Over stock footage of various historical events in a parody of a newsreel plays in a theater]
Narrator: [first lines] 1964: A crucial moment in American history: Lyndon Johnson is re-elected to the presidency by a landslide, the New York World's Fair introduces a bright new future. [scene cuts to show Bullwinkle pulling Rocky from his hat] And after 5 scintillating years on the air,
Bullwinkle J. Moose: Presto!
Narrator: The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show is abruptly canceled.
Rocket "Rocky" J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle: [shocked] Canceled?!
[The duo is pulled away by a vaudeville hook as two janitors come by to clean up the mess]
Narrator: Uh, sorry about that, boys.
[The screen cuts to a card reading "TODAY", followed by shots of more recent live-action footage]
Narrator: A lot has changed in 35 years: Velcro has replaced the zipper, sneakers have lights on them, the Cold War is over, and The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show is still cancelled.
[As the duo get pulled away again, the newsreel ends as a hobo yawns and exits the theater. Cut to Frostbite Falls, Minnesota where things are looking lively with the locals]
Narrator: Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, once the beloved home of Rocky and Bullwinkle had been a thriving cartoon town. [crossfade to a "third-world country version" of Frostbite Falls] Now, it was crippled by years of reruns.
[Rocky and Bullwinkle's arch-rivals, Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale, and their leader, Fearless Leader, have transformed from animated characters into live action]
Minnie Mogul: Hey! How did that happen?
Fearless Leader: We are attached to the project.
[as Karen Sympathy, a beautiful FBI agent, activates "The Rocky and Bullwinkle Movie" in a studio lighthouse, a green light shines from a projector. Cuts back to Frostbite Falls where Rocky and Bullwinkle spot it]
Rocky: What's happening?
Bullwinkle: Cobs and shuckins, Rock! The president must be beaming us to Washington!
Rocky: That's not the president, Bullwinkle, that's a green light from Hollywood. Those TV people must've changed their minds.
[The green light hits Rocky and Bullwinkle]
Rocky and Bullwinkle: Whoa!!!!!!!
Narrator's Mother: [as the green light takes her son with them] Goodbye, Sonny!
Narrator: I'll be back for hiatus, Ma!
Bullwinkle: Hang on, Rocky!!
Narrator: Mama!!!!!
[Rocky and Bullwinkle, now in C.G.I. animation, get sucked into the projector of the lighthouse. They get dropped out into the room of the lighthouse]
Rocky: Hokey smoke! Are you alright?
Bullwinkle: Yeah, but I think we're on the wrong show. Look how well they drew that girl.
Karen Sympathy: It's you. It's really you! Rocky… and Bull-- Bull-- Bull--
Bullwinkle: I believe the word you're searching for is "winkle".
Karen: Bullwinkle.
Rocky: Hey, what network are you from?
Karen: I'm not from any network. Agent Karen Sympathy, FBI.
Fearless Leader: Silence! [a message from the White House has arrived] It's a message from the mole at the White House!
Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale: Moose and Squirrel!
Fearless Leader: [tearing the message and throws it on the floor] Moose and Squirrel. How many times in the past have they stood between me and my dreams of glory? How many times have they foiled my plans with their bungling interference?!
Boris: Uh, 28?
Fearless Leader: Quiet, idiot! They must never reach New York alive. I want you to destroy them personally.
Boris: After 30 years of waiting, one more chance to crush Moose and Squirrel! [kisses Fearless Leader's hand]
Natasha: Oh, Fearless Leader, you are so good to us! [kisses Fearless Leader's other hand]
[Karen, Rocky and Bullwinkle spot Boris and Natasha with a cannon]
Karen: What's with the cannon?
Boris and Natasha: It's traditional!
[Boris lights the fuse on the cannon]
Rocky and Bullwinkle: RUN!!!! [run off]
[The cannon doesn't fire]
Boris and Natasha: [looking at each other in confusion] Where is the boom?
Narrator: [as Boris and Natasha see a helicopter] Oh, damn! Never mind.
Narrator: Yes, Boris and Natasha were back in business, but they have no way of discovering the route our heroes have taken and-- [Boris snatches the map from the fourth wall] Hey! You can't do that!
Rocky: [after he saved Karen from falling while Bullwinkle flies on the airplane] Hang on, Karen! Hang on! If I could just--
[Rocky carries Karen by her legs and back]
Karen: Rocky! You're flying! You're flying!
Rocky: Yes, I am! I certainly am! New York City, here we come!
Cappy von Trapment: [to Bullwinkle, while wearing his mask and headphones at the White House] Bullwinkle, don't watch! Bullwinkle! Oh, no, not you, too!
Cappy von Trapment: Bullwinkle, allow me to be frank.
Bullwinkle: OK, Frank, allow me to be Bullwinkle.
Cappy "Frank" von Trapment: [shaking Bullwinkle's hand] I'm Cappy Von Trapment, FBI.
Bullwinkle: I thought you said your name was Frank.
Frank: Shut up, Bullwinkle!
Bullwinkle: OK, Frank.
Frank: As we speak, 99% of the country is slobbering in front of the television.
Bullwinkle: What's so strange about that?
Frank: Listen to me! We haven't heard from Karen. I think she and Rocky are in terrible danger. Let's get you to New York!
Bullwinkle: I thought this was New York.
Frank: No, Bullwinkle, that's Washington out there! That's Washington!
Bullwinkle: [looking at President Signoff] Really? Where's that little white wig he always wears?
Frank: [annoyed] Oh, it's no use.
Bullwinkle: If only there were some ways of transmitting computer-generated animated characters across great distances in the blink of an eye.
Frank: Bullwinkle, that's it!
Bullwinkle: It is?
Frank: Yes, it's our only chance! We're gonna E-mail you to Karen in New York.
Bullwinkle: OK, but don't you think she'd rather get flowers?
Frank: Just shut up and hold on!
Bullwinkle: OK.
Frank: [grabbing Bullwinkle and is about to shove him inside the computer scanner drive] 1, 2…
Bullwinkle: 3!
Bucky Weasel: Look, I'm hanging four! Surf's up, dude!
Bullwinkle: Hang on, Rocky! I'm coming!
Boris Badenov: FEARLESS LEADER, MOOSE IS LOOSE!!!
Fearless Leader: GET THEM!!!!!!
[last lines]
Bullwinkle: Bye!
Rocky: Bye-bye!

Cast

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Character Voices

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Live-Action Characters

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