The Addams Family is a 1991 film, directed by Barry Sonnenfeld, that features the bizarre characters of American cartoonist Charles Addams's comic strip and television show of the same name. A satirical inversion of the ideal of the perfect American nuclear family, the Addamses are a bizarre family who delight in everything grotesque and macabre, and are never really aware of why people find them frightening.
- [looking through Fester's suitcase] Crowbar... dynamite... cyanide. Fester- as if we'd run out.
- And our credo, "Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc"..."We gladly feast on those who would subdue us". Not just pretty words.
- Wednesday, play with your food!
- Thing, you're a handful.
- Don't torture yourself, Gomez- that's my job.
- Gomez, last night, you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. [pause] Do it again!
- [looking through an armoire] Uncle Nick-Nack's winter wardrobe... Uncle Nick-Nack's summer wardrobe... Uncle Nick-Nack...
- They say she danced naked in the town square and enslaved a minister! But don't worry, we told Wednesday, "College first."
- [watching Pugsley sleep] He looks so sweet... just like a little entrée.
- (repeated line to Tully) Dirty pool, old man!
- "How do you take it off?" That's absurd! That finger trap was a party favor at his 10th birthday!
- We danced the Mamushka while Nero fiddled...we danced the Mamushka at Waterloo...we danced the Mamushka for Jack the Ripper. And now, Fester Addams- this Mamushka is for you.
- That's the spirit, Thing! Lend a hand!
- They say that a man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. And, with God as my witness, I am that fool!
- 2, 10, 11- eyes, fingers, toes!
- [when asked about her Halloween costume] This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac- they look just like everyone else.
- Grandma: Dinner's gonna be late. [goes outside] Here, boy! Here, boy!
- Fester: Three parts dynamite, with a nitroglycerin cap. It's perfect for small homes, carports and toolsheds.
- Wednesday: [hooking up an electric chair] Pugsley, sit in the chair.
- Pugsley: Why?
- Wednesday: Because we're going to play a game.
- Pugsley: What game?
- Wednesday: [strapping him in] It's called, "Is There a God?"
- Pugsley: Are they dead?
- Wednesday: Does it matter?
- Girl Scout: Is this made from real lemons?
- Wednesday: Yes.
- Girl Scout: I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons?
- Pugsley: Yes.
- Girl Scout: I'll tell you what- I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?
- Wednesday: Are they made from real Girl Scouts?
- Morticia: Children, what are you doing?
- Wednesday: I'm going to electrocute him.
- Morticia: But we're late for the charity auction.
- Wednesday: But, Mother!
- Morticia: [firmly] I said no.
- Pugsley: Pleeaaaase?
- Morticia: [smiling indulgently] Oh, all right.
- Wednesday: Pass the salt.
- Morticia: And what do we say?
- Wednesday: NOW.
- Gomez: How long has it been since we waltzed?
- Morticia: Oh, Gomez...hours.
- Dr. Pinderschloss: The human spirit, it is a very difficult thing to kill.
- Grandma: Even with a chainsaw!
- Dr. Pinderschloss: Love/hate, hate/love. Like for mama, no?
- Gomez: But I didn't hate my mother- it was an accident!
- [Morticia and Grandma examine a valuable heirloom Morticia is donating to charity]
- Grandma: Let's keep it!
- Morticia: Hush, mama! It's for charity! Widows and orphans. We need more of them.
- Morticia: Margaret, about the séance tonight, I wish you'd come. It's Gomez, I'm terribly worried about him. He won't eat, he can't sleep, he keeps coughing up blood...
- Margaret: He coughs up blood?
- Morticia: Well, not like he used to.
- Margaret: [regarding Cousin Itt] Everyone keeps asking where he got his costume.
- Gomez: It is a wonderful hat.
- Sally Jessy Raphael: So, you say your son was kidnapped by voodoo witch doctors? Let's take a call.
- Gomez: Hello, Sally?
- Sally Jessy Raphael: [frustrated] Mr. Addams, please, stop calling! We do not know where they meet!
- Morticia: Gomez, let's go for a drive- the whole family.
- Gomez: A drive? And miss Gilligan?
- Uncle Fester: Haven't you ever slaughtered anyone before?
- Wednesday: He's only a child.
- Uncle Fester: That's no excuse! Aim for a major artery. The jugular.
- [Gomez and Fester are watching home movies]
- Gomez: Do you remember that fateful night?
- Uncle Fester: [hedging] Um...your first cigar!
- Gomez: What? Come on, old man, I've smoked since I was 5- Mother insisted.
- Margaret: This is always so embarrassing. Why did I marry you?
- Tully: Because I said yes.
- Judge: [after a golf ball crashes through his window] Damn you, Addams!
- Gomez: Sorry about the window, Judge. Keep the ball, I have a whole bucket full!
- Judge: You moron!
- Dr. Pinder-Schloss: [faking an over-the-top Germanic accent] Mr. Addams, I beleef I am understandink. I can help. Jais? Ze theory of displacement, is zis familiar?
- Gomez: No. Tish?
- Dr. Pinder-Schloss: Oh, it is too exciting! I vill explain.
- Gomez: [eagerly] Is it unpleasant?
- Dr. Pinder-Schloss: Deeply. Your very own bruzzer, you drive him avay. Go, off viz you! But zen, you are feelink ze little black monster.
- Gomez: Pugsley?
- Dr. Pinder-Schloss: Guilt! Jais! Your bruzzer returns, you feel guilty- you displace.
- Gomez: [helping Morticia out of a torture device] Leather straps...red-hot pokers...
- Morticia: Later, my dearest.
(Wednesday finishes strapping Pugsley into the electric chair and goes over to the controls")
- Wednesday: It has to warm up.
- Pugsley: Why?
- Wednesday: So it can kill you.
- Pugsley: I knew that.
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