The Addams Family (TV series)
1964 TV series
The Addams Family (1964–1966) is an American television sitcom about the misadventures of a blissfully macabre but extremely loving family. It is based on the characters in Charles Addams' New Yorker cartoons.
Theme song
edit- They´re creepy and they´re kooky
mysterious and spooky
they´re all together ooky
the Addams Family!- Composed and sung by Vic Mizzy.
Season 1
editThe Addams Family Goes to School [1.01]
edit- Uncle Fester: School? I never went to school and look how I turned out.
- Morticia: Uncle Fester, looks, charm and personality aren't everything.
- Morticia: Did I just hear a peal of thunder?
- Gomez: You did, Tish, you did.
- Morticia: Oh, that most heavenly sound... it makes life worth living.
Morticia and the Psychiatrist [1.02]
edit- Morticia: What's closer in this world than a boy and his mother?
- Pugsley: A boy and his octopus?
- Gomez: Darling, there's something I was hoping I didn't have to tell you. The other afternoon, I saw Pugsley playing with a bat.
- Morticia: A bat? Oh, well that's more like our boy.
- Gomez: A baseball bat. It's a game, played outdoors... in the sun.
Fester's Punctured Romance [1.03]
edit- Uncle Fester: Well, under the circumstances, I... I though I'd take a bride.
- Morticia: Uncle Fester, you just can't take a one, you're supposed to find your own.
- Gomez: It's the sporting way, old boy.
- Morticia: You'll be fighting the women off with clubs...
- Uncle Fester: Clubs? [thinks a moment] Yes... I think I'd like that...
- Uncle Fester: [ready to post his love letter] Do you think I ought to send a snapshot along?
- Morticia: I believe so. How about that nice one the city took?
- Gomez: The time you fell asleep on the park bench and they carried you off to the morgue by mistake.
Gomez, the Politician [1.04]
edit- Uncle Fester: Oh, these conventions! There're so exciting!
- Grandmama Addams: I remember the first time I voted, 1906.
- Uncle Fester: Now, Mama, you know there was no women's suffrage in 1906.
- Grandmama Addams: That didn't stop me.
- Uncle Fester: You're a real Addams.
- Gomez: That's our old friend from the school board - Sam L. Hilliard. I've changed horses in mid-stream. That's the Addams way!
- Morticia: Oh, of course.
- Gomez: The L stands for Lucifer.
- Morticia: Very appropriate for a politician.
The Addams Family Tree [1.05]
edit- Morticia: [painting a portrait of Cousin Bleak] But there's something about the eyes, I just can't seem to get them.
- Gomez: That lid droops just a bit too much.
- Morticia: The right eye, or the left?
- Gomez: The middle one.
- Gomez: Remember how I carried you across the threshold that first time?
- Morticia: Not only across the threshold, but through the living room and up the stairs and into our room.
- Gomez Addams: And I dropped you... only once.
Morticia Joins the Ladies League [1.06]
edit- Gomez: How long have you owned the circus?
- Oscar Webber: Oh, I bought it three years ago, but this past season everything's gone wrong. The fat lady fell in love. Couldn't eat. Couldn't sleep. Lost two hundred and forty pounds.
- Gomez: That could be noticeable.
- Oscar Webber: Then Marvin the midget... He got himself on a vitamin kick. Little punk started growing again.
- Gomez: Oh, no.
- Oscar Webber: Yeah. I went along with it for awhile, but when he hit five feet eight, I had to fire him.
- Gomez: Five feet eight. Had you thought of billing him as the world's tallest midget?
- Morticia: I know the effect you have on the opposite sex.
- Gomez: Sometimes it frightens ME.
- Morticia: I live in constant fear that some woman will steal you away from me.
- Gomez: Banish the fear, mi querida. You are the only cactus in the garden of my life.
Halloween with the Addams Family [1.07]
edit- Wednesday: Nice knife. Can I play autopsy with it?
- [Pugsley and Wednesday present themselves in their Halloween outfits - a business man and bespeckled girl in a party dress]
- Grandmama Addams: [pleased at the children's frightful costumes] They'll scare the wits out of people.
- Uncle Fester: Yes. When you knock on neighbors' doors, you'd better say "Do not be alarmed, we are only little children."
Green-Eyed Gomez [1.08]
edit- Uncle Fester: You mean you're gonna kill yourself?
- Gomez: Of course not. Suicide is the coward's way out. I'm gonna let YOU kill me.
- Gomez: It's no use, Lurch. Apparently I am doomed to live.
- Lurch: Sorry, sir.
The New Neighbors Meet the Addams Family[1.09]
edit- Morticia: [joining Gomez at the window] Well, what do they look like?
- Gomez: Oh, just ordinary moving men. One's tall; one's medium.
- Morticia: No, darling, I mean the new neighbors.
- Gomez: Oh. I haven't seen them yet.
- Morticia: Oh, Gomez, we've been very selfish. After all, they're newlyweds. I should've been over there a long time ago with a pot of henbane soup, some of my dwarf's hair cobbler, and marital advice.
- Gomez: Let's go over right now.
- Morticia: No, darling, I have a better idea. Let's invite them over tonight for a game of bridge.
- Gomez: You think they'll want to play bridge on their wedding night?
- Morticia: Oh course. It'll relax them.
Wednesday Leaves Home [1.10]
edit- Pugsley: Mother! Father! Wednesday's flown the coop!
- Gomez: Talk sense boy.
- Pugsley: She's run away from home.
- Gomez: Really? Very adventurous spirit. I didn't run away from home until I was eight.
- Morticia: That's ridiculous.
- Pugsley: She even left a note. I helped her write it.
- [Hands note to Morticia]
- Morticia: [reading] "Dear Mother and Father, I hate you. Love, Wednesday. P.S. Don't bother looking for me because I'm not anywhere. Goodbye, W."
- Gomez: If you knew she was running away, why didn't you stop her?
- Pugsley: You know women, once they've made up their minds...
The Addams Family Meet the VIPs [1.11]
edit- Morticia: Ah darling, you look so serene and happy when you're throwing knives.
- Gomez: Family trait.
- Uncle Fester: I feel so good now, I'm gonna go out and chase automobiles. Wonderful hobby!
Morticia, the Matchmaker [1.12]
edit- Melancholia: [explaining the reason for her surprise visit] It's Fred, my intended.
- Morticia: He jilted you.
- Melancholia: Well, I can't really say. He just took back his ring, sold his farm and joined the Foreign Legion.
- Gomez: That is kind of indefinite.
- Morticia: Mama is cooking up a real surprise.
- Gomez: I am so hungry I could eat a wolf.
- Morticia: Gomez, you guessed it!
Lurch Learns to Dance [1.13]
edit- Morticia: Look at Mr. Addams. He's always developing outside interests.
- Gomez: Right now I have the most enviable collection of coroner reports in the neighborhood.
- Gomez: We must not indulge fear. I remember my Cousin Blob, deathly afraid of ghosts.
- Morticia: Ghosts?
- Gomez: Now he's one himself.
- Morticia: Ah yes... I hear him on dark, stormy nights.
- Gomez: Oh darling, those strange sounds from the attic aren't Cousin Blob.
- Morticia: No?
- Gomez: They're Grandma Squint. You can tell from her superb cackle.
- Morticia: Ah yes... like music to my ears.
- Lurch:: [to Wednesday Addams] I like being miserable.
Art and the Addams Family [1.14]
edit- Grandmama: But what I need is the eye of a critic.
- Gomez: A critic?
- Grandmama: Yes, someone who'd give an unbiased opinion of my work.
- Gomez: If you don't believe me, you could ask Uncle Fester.
- Grandmama: Oh well, he's sweet, but he has an axe to grind.
- Gomez: Well that's just for recreation.
- Uncle Fester: You know, no artist is famous until his death. Maybe we can arrange it?
The Addams Family Meets a Beatnik [1.15]
edit- Morticia: Now, darling, we want this to be a real surprise to Rocky, so I'll instruct the children to keep it an absolute secret. They're not to tell a living soul - or anyone else for that matter.
- Morticia: [Rocky is recovering after fainting] You had us frightened, young man.
- Rocky Cartwright III: Well, you got me a little frightened right now, but, eh, a couple of o' asperin and it's gonesville for you spooks.
- Gomez: Spooks? [chuckles] Well now, there's no need for flattery.
- Morticia: Thank you.
The Addams Family Meets the Undercover Man [1.16]
edit- Morticia: Dear Mr. Hollister... We should send him something. I have it! Some of Mama's candied porcupine.
- Gomez: Ah, the simple things are the best.
- Gomez: I must tell him not to mix the plutonium with the uranium shipments. Otherwise, they'll never get here.
- Uncle Fester: Boy, that'll really knock the coconuts off the trees.
Mother Lurch Visits the Addams Family [1.17]
edit- Gomez: We'll call a family conference. Maybe Uncle Fester can think of something. He has a good head on his shoulders.
- Morticia: Too bad Cousin Slimy isn't around. He has two of them.
- Gomez: You rang?
- Mother Lurch: I don't trust you Gomez, you've got shifty eyes! And no good butler wears a mustache!
- Gomez: Sorry madam, I was born with it.
- Mother Lurch: Where have you been off to, some dark corner with that hussy of a maid?
- Gomez: [to Lurch] Sir, I appeal to you!
- Mother Lurch: You don't appeal to him and you don't appeal to me! My son is just too sweet and gentle. People take advantage of him. You're sloppy and inefficient!
- Gomez: Sir, please tell her...
- Lurch: You're sloppy and inefficient!
Uncle Fester's Illness [1.18]
edit- Uncle Fester: If there is something wrong with me, I hope it's one of those rare tropical diseases. You know, Morticia, something, uh, glamorous.
- Wednesday: Are you the Doctor that's going to cure Uncle Fester?
- Dr. Milford: Well, I'm certainly going to try my best.
- Wednesday: Where's your mask and spear?
- Dr. Milford: My what?
- Wednesday: The last doctor we had came like that.
- Dr. Milford: Yes, well, um... Uh, this was the best I could do on a spur of the moment.
The Addams Family Splurges [1.19]
edit- Gomez: Since gambling bets aren't enforceable by law...
- Uncle Fester: Never mind about that, I'd shoot him in the back!
- Morticia: Wouldn't that be rather drastic?
- Gomez: For betrayal of trust? Violation of professional ethics? Shooting him in the back would be too good for him.
- Uncle Fester: No, I think it'd be about right...
- Morticia: [to Fester] Would you like to take the vulture for a little stroll? She seems to take to humans.
- Gomez: Her favorite food.
Cousin Itt Visits the Addams Family [1.20]
edit- Morticia: This is rather like being in the jungle again, isn't it, dear?
- Gomez: You were wonderful to have on safari, Tish. No one could skin a hippopotamus like you could.
- Morticia: Oh, darling, any housewife could do that. You were the remarkable one.
- Gomez: Well...
- Morticia: I'll never forget when that tiger broke cover. He charged our gun-bearer.
- Gomez: Ah, yes. Dear Ali-Koshva.
- Morticia: Quick as a wink and without a moment's hesitation you snapped your gun to your shoulder and fired.
- Gomez: Bagged ourselves a wonderful gun-bearer.
- Announcer: We interrupt with a special announcement: An hour ago a dangerous creature broke out of the city zoo. When last seen, the monster was heading for the Greenbrier-Woodlawn area.
- Morticia: That's us again.
- Lurch: Shall I bolt the windows and doors?
- Gomez: Nonsense. It's probably another relative.
The Addams Family in Court [1.21]
edit- Grandmama Addams: Where's Gomez?
- Morticia: He's working on your release. Never lost a case, you know.
- Grandmama Addams: And never won one either. Perfect record!
- Morticia: Dear Mama. I'm so glad we're home, really. If we leave her alone too long, she tends to brood.
- Gomez: I don't know why. She has her lizards and her comfy nail-bed, and if things get dull she can always throw darts at Uncle Fester.
Amnesia in the Addams Family [1.22]
edit- Pugsley: You mean hit my own father with an Indian club?
- Wednesday: It's for his own good.
- Pugsley: Then you do it.
- Wednesday: He might get mad at me.
- Pugsley: He might get made at me, too.
- Wednesday: But while father is ill, you're the head of the family.
- Pugsley: [stands up] Hand me that club!
- Gomez: I'm going to get you a lovely, golden-haired doll that says "Mama."
- Wednesday: But what have I done?
- Gomez: Nothing.
- Wednesday: Then why are you punishing me?
Thing Is Missing [1.23]
edit- Gomez: Morticia, it's a ransom note!
- Morticia: A ransom note? You mean...
- Gomez: He's been thing-napped!
- Detective: But if it isn't a person, just what sort of a thing is it that's missing, Mrs. Addams? Is it a pet?
- Morticia: Well, it's... It's a family retainer.
- Detective: Oh... oh, it's a... it's a SERVANT. Well, isn't THAT a person?
- Morticia: Not necessarily.
Crisis in the Addams Family [1.24]
edit- Uncle Fester: [back from his first day as an insurance salesman] I tried. I knocked on every door in my territory. I was dynamic. I was personable, charming, AND magnetic but it wasn't any use. Oh, my career is ruined. I'm all washed up.
- [Fester plods off to his room]
- Gomez: I have a feeling all's not well with Fester.
- Morticia: It's hard to tell. He puts up such a brave front.
- Gomez: All right, you lily-livered goldbrick, are you gonna lie sniveling on that nice, warm bed of nails or are you gonna get up and FIGHT like an ADDAMS?
- Uncle Fester: Well, if it's all the same with you, I'd rather lie here and snivel.
- Gomez: When a pilot crashes, what does he do? He gets right back into that crate and up into the wild, blue yonder again. And when a lion tamer gets ripped up, does he snivel? Does he quit? Not always.
Lurch and His Harpsichord [1.25]
edit- Morticia: So you see, Lurch, in as much as you love the harpsichord so, the real public benefactors wouldn't be US, it would be YOU.
- Gomez: We even instruct the museum, Lurch, to name YOU as donor.
- Morticia: What do you say to that?
- Lurch: I quit.
- Gomez: No, Lurch... Lurch, y-you can't quit. Y-you're like one of the family.
- Morticia: Oh, think of all those glorious, happy years we've spent together. Think of the children. Think of Mama and Uncle Fester.
- [Lurch thinks for a moment]
- Lurch: I quit.
- Morticia: Gomez, darling, it's wonderful the way you just leap in and take charge, lead the way.
- Gomez: That's what they said about old Commodore Addams.
- Morticia: Oh? When he lead his men into battle?
- Gomez: Off his sinking ship.
Morticia, the Breadwinner [1.26]
edit- Morticia: We MUST think of ways to make money.
- Uncle Fester: I know an easy way.
- Morticia: Oh?
- Uncle Fester: Print it.
- Mr. Blooker: I'll kill myself.
- Gomez Addams: Good thinking. Blooker, if you DO get that stock for me, I'll buy you the biggest, thickest, juiciest camel hump steak in town. Whadda ya have to say to that?
- Mr. Blooker: I'll kill myself.
- Gomez Addams: Got a one-track mind, Blooker - I like that!
The Addams Family and the Spaceman [1.27]
edit- Uncle Fester: Well, what's for supper? I could eat a horse!
- Gomez: Come come, Fester, you had that for lunch.
- Morticia: Uncle Fester, be patient, we'll be dining soon. Why don't you go over and chat with Lurch and Cousin Itt?
- Uncle Fester: Oh, they're always talking politics!
- Morticia: Darling, are those men staring at us?
- Gomez: Not us. At you. You're ravishing!
- [Starts kissing her arm]
- Morticia: Darling, please. It's early.
- Gomez: Your watch is slow.
- Uncle Fester: Hey, they're coming over. They got such funny looks in their eyes, they COULD be people from Mars.
- Gomez: Nonsense. They're not little, they're not green, and they don't have things sticking out of their heads.
- Cousin Itt: Uts sfoo dedidivuh PAH!
- Uncle Fester: Itt's right. They could be disguised.
- Morticia: Well, whoever they are, we must be neighborly. We don't want them thinking we Earth-people are snobs.
My Son, the Chimp [1.28]
edit- Morticia: [told the chimpanzee is her son] No, I absolutely refuse to believe that THAT... Gomez? Look. He has that same lovely low brow as... you-know-who.
- Gomez: Yeah, and that same fine prehistoric jawline.
- Chimpanzee: Oo, oo, oo, oo.
- Morticia: Oh, it IS Pugsley. I know that voice anywhere.
- [Thing engages the others in a game of charades to try telling them where he's found Pugsley]
- Morticia: I think he's trying to tell us something.
- Gomez: What is it, Thing? Something we should know?
- Grandmama Addams: Is it smaller than a coffin?
- Morticia: Larger than a tsetse fly?
- Gomez: Is it the title of a song?
- Morticia: Oh, this is fun. I mean, it WOULD be if Pugsley were here. Is it someone we know?
- Uncle Fester: How many syllables?
- Gomez: Two syllables. Ah, ha... Whom do we know with two syllables? First syllable. Sounds like.
- [Thing slugs the air]
- Morticia: Fight?
- Grandmama Addams: Fighting.
- Gomez: Fight-ER!
- Morticia: Pugilist.
- Gomez: Pug! Pug... Pug... Ahhh... It just doesn't seem to ring a bell.
Morticia's Favorite Charity [1.29]
edit- Uncle Fester: Oh, not my suit of armor please, I need it to feel secure. Like Pugsley needs his wolf-head clock. That armor's the... only place I can find to hide in, to take my afternoon's nap.
- Morticia: Uncle Fester, the whole family has given until it hurts.
- Uncle Fester: Well, I like to hurt as much as anybody, but don't ask me to give my armor up. I have to wear it practically every day to scare off those neighborhood kids.
- Morticia: They annoy you?
- Uncle Fester: Oh not me, but... they keep waving sticks and throwing stones at my new pet falcon. And he's getting a nervous stomach.
- Wednesday: [holding up her headless doll] I'm donating Mary Queen of Scots.
- Morticia: Darling, that IS your most precious possession.
- Wednesday: I can chop a head off another doll.
- Morticia: I know, but all the heads don't come off as nicely as this one. Are you sure you want to donate Mary?
- Wednesday: Yes, but I'll never be able to look her head in the eye again.
Progress and the Addams Family [1.30]
edit- Morticia: Gomez, did you hear an explosion a moment ago?
- Gomez: Oh, that. Probably Uncle Fester down in the basement testing for gas leaks with a lighted match.
- [the Addams family prepares to ride along with the mansion on its move to a new location]
- Morticia: Where are the children, dear?
- Gomez: Oh, they're fine. They're riding on the roof.
- Morticia: I do hope they don't get car sick. Is Lurch with them?
- Gomez: Oh, no. He likes to ride with his head out the window and growl at the passing cars.
Uncle Fester's Toupee [1.31]
edit- Gomez: Kitty-Cat doesn't need a hairpiece. Never met a lion who did.
- Max: A lion? In THIS house?
- Morticia: How else are the children going to learn anything about nature?
- Gomez: I can't wait till pet day at school.
- Morticia: Darling, I'm worried.
- Gomez: About what?
- Morticia: Uncle Fester and Madeline. I think those two are in love.
- Gomez: With whom?
- Morticia: With each other.
- Gomez: Impossible.
- Morticia: No, it's not at all impossible, darling. According to their horoscopes, it's perfect - she's a Capricorn and he's a bachelor.
Cousin Itt and the Vocational Counselor [1.32]
edit- Mortimer Phelps: Cousin Itt? From, eh, who's side of the family?
- Morticia: He's from both sides of the family. He hasn't quite found himself.
- Gomez: And with Cousin Itt, that's not easy. He looks the same from every angle.
- Morticia: Poor Cousin Itt, he's so nervous he went up in the treehouse with Uncle Fester.
- Gomez: I hope a passing eagle doesn't snatch him up.
- Morticia: Oh dear, he would make good nesting material, wouldn't he?
Lurch, the Teenage Idol [1.33]
edit- Gomez: Lurch! He's been stabbed!
- Morticia: Nonsense, darling. That's the way he sings.
- Gomez: He'd be better stabbed.
- Gomez: [Lurch has left] Well, he belongs to the ages now.
- Morticia: I'll miss his happy smiling face.
- Gomez: I need a drink. I'll ring for Fester.
- [pulls the noose to chime the gong]
- Lurch: You rang?
- Gomez: Lurch!
- Morticia: You're back!
- Lurch: [exhausted after facing his adoring fans] To stay...
The Winning of Morticia Addams [1.34]
edit- Gomez: Tish, Zen Yogi's been taking up entirely too much of my life.
- Morticia: Darling, you're so right. And besides, all this standing on your head is getting rather expensive. None of your hats fit any more.
- Dr. Francis Chalon: If you don't mind my saying so, I've made women forget their husbands in one day.
- Morticia: Please, I love Gomez.
- Dr. Francis Chalon: Who's Gomez?
- Morticia: My husband.
- Dr. Francis Chalon: You see? I've forgotten him already.
- Lurch: Follow me!
Cast
edit- Carolyn Jones - Morticia Addams
- John Astin - Gomez Addams
- Jackie Coogan - Uncle Fester
- Ted Cassidy - Lurch
- Blossom Rock - Grandmama Addams
- Lisa Loring - Wednesday Addams
- Ken Weatherwax - Pugsley Addams
- Thing - "Itself"
- Felix Silla - Cousin Itt
External links
edit- The Addams Family quotes at the Internet Movie Database