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  • [Literature is] an organised violence committed on ordinary speech.
  • From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend to read it.
  • If my books had been any worse I should not have been invited to Hollywood, and if they had been any better I should not have come.
  • Where were you fellows when the paper was blank?
    • Fred Allen, after writers had heavily edited his script
  • Why don't you write books people can read?
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